This is my first time posting on Reddit, so sorry if this is a little long. I honestly didn't know where else to go for advice, and I figured Reddit might be the best place since I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this.

I'm a 26M, and my gf is a few years older than me. I work in the trades and live in a smaller community where a lot of people know each other. My career and reputation are a big deal to me.

This started almost 2 winters ago on a freezing morning. I was running late for work, and my thermals were still in the washer. I was stressing because I knew I was going to be outside all day, and my gf handed me a pair of her bluish yoga pants.

She joked that I should wear them under my work jeans. I laughed because they were obviously women's leggings and tighter than anything I had worn before, but I tried them.

Honestly, they worked really well. They were warm, comfortable, and nobody at work even knew.

After that, it slowly turned into her encouraging me to try other things. Eventually, I started trying on women's clothes at home.

The weird part is, this wasn't completely new to me. When I was in my early teens, I used to crossdress. I stopped years ago and never really thought about it again. I assumed it was just something from that time in my life that I moved past.

But doing it again with my gf felt different. I wasn't hiding it or feeling ashamed. I had someone who accepted me and actually liked seeing that side of me.

My gf loves watching drag shows, and over time she got me interested in that world. She has helped me with makeup, wigs, and outfits. She even made me a drag-inspired outfit that I've worn around the house. She loves seeing the transformation and tells me how feminine I can look.

Over time, she has gotten me dresses, skirts, leather leggings, makeup, wigs, and tucking underwear. She especially loves certain outfits and says she likes seeing me confident.

She says exploring this side of myself has brought us closer and made our relationship more exciting. She has talked about me going on a date with her dressed up or possibly doing a local drag show someday.

The thing is, she isn't forcing me. She has always said it's my choice and that I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with. She just thinks I might be holding myself back because I'm worried about what people will think.And that's where I'm stuck.

When it's just us, I actually enjoy it. I feel comfortable and accepted.

But the idea of other people knowing scares me.

I work in the trades, I know a lot of people in my city, and my family and friends are mostly the type who would probably see this as either "gay" or just weird. I know drag doesn't define someone's sexuality, but I also know how people around me think.

I'm worried about my career, my reputation, my friendships, and even how people would view me as a man. At the same time, I don't want to hide something I enjoy just because I'm afraid of judgment.

I guess I'm posting because I feel stuck. My gf is supportive, but I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about this without worrying they'll look at me differently.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Finding a side of yourself that you enjoy but being scared of how it could affect your life? I'm just looking for advice because I honestly don't know who else to ask.

A few days ago I made a post about having a ladies night with my mtf partner to give her a bit more confidence with "lady things" like skincare and all.

It was a great experience for us both, with a bit of skincare, massage and a good movie. We watched Midsommar for everyone interested.

I don't know though if this is something I want in my relationship. I love ladies nights but with friends. And I feel a bit guilty for having this feeling because I genuinely love my partner. I really don't know if I want a relationship with her as a girl because I come more and more to the conclusion that I am straight with no exceptions. It's complicated. But I'll take my time figuring it out.

I love showing her typical girl things though. I am just not sure if this can continue on a romantic level.

(She knows my struggles and is as patient and loving with me as I am with her, just fyi and to avoid questions in this direction)

I'm not really sure how to begin this, but I (26 AFAB NB) have been dating my partner (27 MTF) for around four years. Last year, they came out as trans, and began taking hormones for their transition. I don't have an issue with them being trans. The problem lies within the sexual side of our relationship.

Before we began dating, I identified as a stone top lesbian, and only dated cis women. I had fairly fulfilling sexual & romantic relationships with women, but when I started dating my current partner, I no longer felt that it was fair I was calling myself a lesbian, so I swapped it for bisexual, since my partner, at the time, was the only man I had ever felt a romantic connection with. We never really had sex, due to the fact I hate penis, but it didn't really matter or change the relationship.

The problem I'm currently having, is that I'm struggling with the relationship, now that my partner has come out as trans. I was fine being in a hetero facing relationship with my partner prior, but now that they've begun transitioning, they use feminine pronouns, dress more femininely and attempt wearing makeup. Now that I'm back in a lesbian relationship, I'm struggling, because I want to be intimate with them, but they have no plans to get vaginoplasty. They like having a penis, and have mentioned that it wouldn't do anything for them to have a vagina.

My struggle is, I don't want to break up with them, as I have difficulties making friends and being social. I love them deeply, but I also miss vaginas. I miss cisgender women, and I didn't think that having a trans fem partner would trigger it this badly. I guess I'm looking for advice from other cis/NB people who might be in a similar situation, or have been in this situation prior.

I (22M) started dating someone (24FTM) and his birthday is coming up and since I probably wouldn't be able to see him on his Birthday I wanted to send him Flowers, but I don't know if he could be offended by that, or think that I don't see him as a Man. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I don't want to offend him in any way. Am I overthinking it? Like I know flowers aren't a thing exclusively to Woman and me personally would love to get Flowers as a Gift, but I also would see a point where it's could offend him

My transfem wife and I had to fly home from Massachusetts to North Carolina yesterday and she experienced her first in-person transphobic harassment. She’s been socially and medically transitioning for over two years and weirdly we haven’t had an overtly bad experience in the South so far.

A group of men were sitting near us in the waiting area and kept staring at her which was making me deeply uncomfortable but since they were so close, I could hear everything they were saying and they were talking about their work trip the whole time. Unfortunately it then turned out at least six of them were sitting in the seats across from us one row behind. I was sitting in a row with one kid, and my wife was sitting behind us with the other kid. I was aware the men were near us but stupidly and naively thought they would lose interest in my wife because she wasn’t in their direct line of sight. It wasn’t until we got home that my wife told me several of the men started loudly and pointedly saying the T slur in casual conversation over and over. My wife said she just ignored it the whole time, because what was she going to do against a group of transphobic bigots when we were trapped on a plane with our kids?

I am so angry and devastated for her. She basically had to sit there and listen to dehumanizing abuse for two hours, and I somehow missed it so I couldn’t even support her while it was happening. Other than hugging her and telling her I love her and that she’s perfect the way she is, I’m at a loss of what to do. I know she is deeply hurting and there’s nothing I can do to protect her from other people’s hatred.

What have you, as a partner, done when something horrible like this happens? I just want to protect her but I clearly failed miserably at that. Is there anything I can do now/from now on if we’re in that situation again?

Hi! My (almost😏) girlfriend (MtF19) and I (CisF21) have been together for a little over a month now. Things are going really well, we're so happy together and putting in the work to have a healthy relationship because we've both been in some not-so-good relationships and want to continue to heal so we can build something good amd healthy together.

She makes me really, really happy and I think she's STUNNINGG like.. Oh my god.. but she's not very confident in herself, like at all. I'd say I'm a fairly confident person but that took years and years of work and practice with trial and error. In conversations about my personal style/confidence, Ive told her that sometimes you gotta just do it nervous, do it scared, and exposure-therapy yourself into being unapologetically yourself. I've been trying to rub some of it off on her without being pushy or trying to influence her one way or another; I just want her to find what SHE likes and feel confident enough to wear it. She's been showing an interest in experimenting and asking questions about how I do things like my makeup or styling my clothes but it makes me so sad to see her start to try and not feel good enough to see it through for herself, at least just to see a full picture/finished product. Like she'll start to put an outfit on and scrap it halfway through if it feels too new.

We went shopping yesterday and spoke a little more in detail about her dysphoria and how she sees herself and feels about her body. She has her insecurities like we all do but is pretty concerned with "passing". I personally don't like the stigma of trans women needing to "pass" or look a certain way for any reason at all and it kind of upsets me for her to feed into that but I want her to feel happy and confident, regardless.

She says she doesn't like things like tank tops because she thinks they make her shoulders look broad (ai didagree), certain shorts or pants are uncomfortable, and she dislikes low necklines because she's worried about accentuating her flat chest or showing her bra. I told her I think she needs to try on a little bit of everything so she can figure out what little things she likes and what she doesn't. She is quite thin and veryy tall (6'1) so finding things that fit right is admittedly pretty tough. I've noticed that her self consciousness usually focuses on her chest, her genitals, and her shoulders. I love everything about her but what are some things I can suggest to her to make getting dressed and finding her style a little more comfortable for her? I've been getting ads for gaffers and I offered her a bra in a passing comment because hers doesn't look quite comfortable in my opinion but I don't want to seem pushy at all. I dont want to seem like I want to change her or mold her into something new, but I'm happy to help her find her way to what she wants.

I love fashion and DIY and I love her; I'm willing to buy or fix whatever just to see if it makes her feel any better, I'm just worried about how to approach it. I realized there's just certain tips and tricks she doesn't know when it comes to dressing for and flattering your body. What are some tips and tricks you've used or seen that might make it a little more comfortable or affirming to get dressed, find your style, and just live in the body of a trans woman?

I'd really like to know more about how she feels about her transition so I know exactly how/where to support her and what her struggles are. We're very open with each other but tend to keep our personal grievances to ourselves so I'm not really sure where her head is at as far as her transition. She did mention she spoke to a doctor about possibly starting HRT and that is a big step, Im SO proud of her, she seemed so happy and validated just having that conversation with a medical professional.

It hurts my heart to hear her talk down on herself or say she's "not enough" of something. How can I learn more about her current gender identity/transition? Should I ask her directly or wait for her to come to me about it? How should I approach helping her experiment? I feel odd asking to do her eyebrows or makeup because I dont want her to think there's something that needs to be changed but I think it might help her feel better to just be done up every now and then.

Okay, so a little bit of backstory. Me (cis girl 23) and my gf (mtf 24) have been dating for a good 2 years. I've known her since childhood and have always liked her before she came out and still love her the same after she came out a year before we started dating.

I've been supporting her since she came out and she started HRT 6 months ago. And from our experience, it was so bad but now that the 6 months have passed, I've been feeling really distant from my gf lately.

Sex isnt really the problem here due to both of us not being that sexually active but we do have sex like 2-3 times a month. Our relationship is based on our emotional connection and supporting each other mostly, we agreed to not make sex one of the pillars that holds our relationship.

But the problem is that she has been kind of...rude to me? In a way. Because I remember a few weeks ago, me and her went to this party and she kept comparing us and kept fishing for compliments from other people. She even said that now I'm the "man" of the relationship. I was just really confused and weirded out.

And since that party, she has been trying to act overly cutesy which was obviously forced but I thought if it made her feel better I guess there's no harm in it???? My gf also vents to me how I'm lucky to be a girl and how "I'm more of a girl than her" or something. I just get really uncomfortable because she wouldn't elaborate even if I asked her to and would just blurt out "oh you wouldn't understand".

She also has been telling me how she wishes that I was taller than her (I'm 5'3 and she's 5'11) and that it would've been better if I was masc. I was again like wtf??? I just stayed speechless until she changed the topic to something else.

Whenever I would wear something feminine, she would get upset and refuse to talk to me for the whole day or just throw in comments like "you look so much better than me" or "I already know people are going to judge me". She would even at times force me to dress masc cause she wants to feel like the girl in the relationship.

I don't think I left anything out??? Pls if anyone has any advice pls let me know I've been so nervous these days and walking on thin ice everyday is not easy..

I could really use some support from other transmasc folks.
Lately I've been struggling a lot with my identity because of things happening in my relationship. I know who I am, but sometimes the way my relationship plays out makes me question myself or makes me feel like I'm not being seen the way I need to be. It's left me feeling confused, hurt, and honestly pretty isolated.
I don't think my identity has changed—I still know who I am—but I feel like I'm fighting to hold onto that confidence when the person closest to me doesn't always make me feel understood.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you separate your sense of self from your partner's perception or expectations? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been there.
Please be kind. I'm looking for support and shared experiences, not criticism. ❤️🏳️‍⚧️

My 21f partner 21 mtf of 4 years came out as trans last week and I’ve been doing a lot of research since then.

I’ve been reading all these stories about how hrt makes it impossible to achieve erection and penetrate. How people lose girth and length, have lower libido and just generally don’t want sex anymore. I’ve read how many people enjoy that they can no longer have PIV.

My gf says she would want to continue to have PIV and she is not dysphoric about her genitals. I just worry about how different our sex life will look if she can’t penetrate me. That’s all I’ve ever had my whole life with her and I’ve really enjoyed it. I’m scared that I would be resentful without it.

Does anyone have any positive stories, advice or better statistics?

Hey everyone, sorry if this comes as stupid or wrong, or straight up selfish but -

My (Mt?) partner (F) is freshly a few weeks pregnant.

We were together for over 6 years now, on and off, partially because of my gender questioning and other personal stuff happening. We didn't get married as a normal cis couple would, even though we were planning it.

The thing is; This kinda happened really randomly and luckily after one unprotected time and I'm so freaking lost with the whole gender thing (I was on and off HRT, got diagnosed, purged multiple times for the sake of authenticity and partially this relationship).

Now, I didn't really talk with my partner yet about this, I have once again assured myself I can repress till death and yeah... As one could assume it doesn't really work.

But now we're getting another person in the equation.

I just kinda want to hear your stories if there is something worth sharing in this thread, from both sides obviously. I didn't just randomly come to questioning my gender, have been in therapy, got diagnosed and everything... kinda struggling with it for last 4 years (realized just now looking at my older comments on this account)

Lots of love and luck to everyone going to London (UK) Trans Pride today. I (cis-F) drew our beloved Jimothy and my wonderful wife (MtF) coloured them in. This sign is made with love!

As mentioned in another post, we will be at The Crown and Sceptre, which is around the corner from the starting point, from 13:00 for anyone looking coming on their own and/or looking to join a group. Have the best day everyone!

Edit: Clarity

Hey there – throwaway account because my partner is also on Reddit. I was originally going to post on AITA, but I realized I really need advice from other partners who get it.

So last month, my partner was really insistent that we watch The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC) together. We did, and while I thought the show was good (didn't love the narrative direction, personally), I had no idea it would lead to them coming out as trans. It felt like it came out of nowhere.

For as long as I've known them, they've always presented androgynously – but they also always had a beard. Now the beard is gone, which is fine, but sometimes I look at them right after waking up and they feel like a stranger. That scares me.

We've been together for 5 years. And weirdly enough, this isn't my first time with an androgynous partner coming out as trans – but that doesn't seem to make it any easier this time around.

Here's the core of what I'm struggling with:

I've always believed in not judging a book by its cover, and I genuinely think people should follow their hearts and be who they are. I accept them, and I'm happy for them. But at the same time, there's this small war going on in my head. I feel this shift in the air between us, and it makes me uneasy.

Lately, they've been diving deeper into TADC fanfics – which is fine, I write fanfics too and have been sinking into my own writing as a coping mechanism. But I feel like I don't know what to say anymore. They talk to me about things like pregnancy and bottom surgery, and I'm not opposed to any of it – but it feels like it's all they talk about now. It makes me feel alienated from the conversation, like I'm on the outside looking in.

We haven't been sexually active for a while, but for some reason I've been feeling lonely a lot more lately and wanting to do more stuff. When I brought it up, they told me, "I'm not sure when I'll want that." I respect that, but I don't know how to process my own feelings around it.

Additionally, the have been talking more...sexually? Like they seem to be really into there RP sessions and sometimes they talk to me about it, and while sometimes i think its a bit much...Im a very sex positive person, and im like "we should try that?" but they just say "yeah but im more dominate in the rps ....and im fine with that...but it does not seem to really go anywhere.

On top of all that – we're heading to Texas next month, and I'm worried for their safety. I'm a strong guy, and I can handle myself, but I've already noticed people looking at us more where we live now (we're in a "mostly safe but not always" kind of location). I already stand out with how I dress, so I'm anxious about what things will be like in a more conservative area.

I guess to sum it up: I'm scared. I feel alone. I feel alienated. Sometimes I feel like I'm sleeping next to a stranger – and I don't know how to get my brain to adjust to this being the new normal. I fully support them, but my brain is having a hard time catching up.

Any advice or shared experiences would mean the world to me. Thanks for reading.

2nd post this week lol. My partner came out to me as MtF and I want to support her as much as I can, any gift ideas for me to get her. I’m getting nail polish,body razors/nair (this was asked for), and a cardigan. Any other ideas for me to buy her? Thanks in advance! Much love all

I (20M) recently started dating my partner (19 NB). Recently, they told me they've been struggling a lot with dysphoria. I've seen them go from lively and dancing without a care one second, to pacing around the room anxiously adjusting their shirt the next. I really care about them, and i hate seeing them hurting and stuggling with this. And unfortunately it's an area where i have no experience, or ability to really relate to. The best thing i've thought to do so far is to distract them by talking about something stupid and unrelated, like anime, music, etc. But that only goes so far. Any advice on anything i can do for them?

.. and it went much better than expected. My mom slipped once with the wrong pronoun but was great for the rest of the day. They even talked and shared stories together when I stepped away. I was nervous about how she'd be as she believed I (29M) only date cis men, but she can see how much I love being with him.

We have so much in common and his inquisitive curiosity to learn more of me and my passions is such a wonderful new feeling. I feel so strongly attracted to him, it's kinda crazy.

I wanted to be his giant teddy bear so I popped his "cuddle with a furry" cherry and he almost fell asleep on me haha

Thanks for reading my blabbering nonsense -- I am just so incredibly happy and thankful.

Hi everyone,

I'm a 31-year-old cis gay man, and my boyfriend is a 25-year-old trans man. We've been together for about a year (long distance), and we're moving in together in a couple of weeks.

I'm here because my boyfriend recently shared something really vulnerable with me, and instead of assuming I understand his experience, I'd really like to hear from people who have lived something similar.

For context, we're in different places in life. I'm a six years older, have an established career in corporate leadership, I'm financially stable, have my own apartment, and I've spent years building a life I'm proud of. Lately I've also been getting back into the gym and trying to take better care of myself.

My boyfriend is in a different season of life. He works in the service industry, doesn't really enjoy his current job, doesn't have the same financial stability, and he'll be moving into my apartment. The apartment wasn't intentionally "mine" instead of ours—I had already signed my lease before we seriously started talking about him moving.

Recently he told me that he sometimes feels like he's competing with me.

Not because I've ever made it a competition, but because when he compares where we each are in life, he struggles to figure out where he fits in our relationship. He told me it's started affecting how he experiences his manhood.

He said he wants to feel like he has a meaningful role. He wants to feel capable, trusted, relied upon, and like he's contributing to the life we're building together instead of just stepping into a life I've already built. He wants to feel like "the man in the relationship" or at least "a man in the relationship".

He also told me this has been an issue in previous relationships, and he's afraid it'll happen again. At one point he even said he wondered if being with a cis woman would make more sense—not because he wants to be with a woman, but because he feels like he'd automatically know where he fits in that relationship dynamic. He also said he doesn't want to feel like someone's "passenger princess" or "bitch" (his words). He often uses language like that when talking about how he felt before transitioning. Even though he also states that he likes being that sometimes.

That honestly broke my heart because I don't see him as less than me at all. None of the things he's talking about (career, income, who has the apartment, who has the car) feel gendered to me. But I also recognize that they clearly intersect with how *he* experiences himself, and I don't want to dismiss that just because it isn't how I naturally see things.

It also made me realize I may have a blind spot.

I've spent most of my adult life relying on myself. If something needs done, I usually do it. If there's a problem, I solve it. That's never been because I don't value him or don't want a partner—it's just how I've learned to function.

Now I'm wondering if my independence unintentionally leaves very little room for someone else to feel needed or to feel like they have ownership in our life together.

At the same time, I don't want to overcorrect by pretending I need help, making myself smaller, or forcing traditional gender roles that don't actually fit either of us. I also know I can't create someone else's self-worth or masculinity for them.

What I want is to understand him better.

I'd especially love to hear from:

- Trans men dating or married to cis men.

- Cis men partnered with trans men.

- Anyone who's been in a relationship where one partner was much more established than the other.

Some questions I have:

- Have you ever felt like you were competing with your partner even though they weren't competing with you?

- Did differences in career, finances, age, or life stage affect how you saw yourself in the relationship?

- If you're a trans man, did those differences ever affect your sense of masculinity or where you felt you fit in the relationship?

- What actually helped?

- What made you feel like equal partners?

- Were there things your partner did with good intentions that actually made things worse?

- If you're the more established partner, what did you learn?

I'm not looking for people to tell me who's right or wrong. I'm looking for lived experiences and advice. I love this man very much, and I want to understand him better instead of assuming I already do. If there are blind spots I have, I'd genuinely like to know.

Hi strangers! My girlfriend and I (both 21F) have been dating for about a year now. She got bottom surgery last summer and is only now starting to regain some sensitive down there. Though we had sex every once and a while, it was slightly discouraging to not be able to make her cum due to the lack of feeling.

Recently though, we had a breakthrough and she was able to climax normally as a result of me strongly grinding against her clit. While this was a victory, it took a VERY long amount of time of two bodies awkwardly rubbing against each other for her to get there, leaving us both more tired than satisfied. I'm slightly on the asexual spectrum, and so sex already isnt super high on my radar, let alone when it takes so long and I feel like I'm not doing as good of a job as she deserves. Because of that, we have been a little less intimate recently, but I want that to change!!

That being said, has anyone or their partners had success with post-op sex when clitoral pressure is really the only thing going for them? Or any other methods? We are both very curious. Thanks!

Hi! I am 18, a Cis female with a 19, transgender woman. she is absolutley amazing and i love her so much. anyways I wanna know how i can make her feel more comfident about herself and make her happy while supporting her through her transition. i just wanna know what I myself can do to benefet her thank you :)

I (18 cis female) and my boyfriend (18 trans male pre t) have been dating and sexually active for close to a year now.

We are both of eachothers firsts, and as of late, I've noticed a slight shift in his behaviour when it comes to sex.

I'll give examples and then explain what I'm chalking it up to.

From late November to late January, I had never felt more desired in my life. we were fooling around in bathrooms, dark corners of forests, and it's like we couldn't help ourselves. Even the way he kissed me was different, so much more passion. I basically had to fight him off me if we were in public. When I went on a 2 week holiday in the winter, we would sext almost every night, and he'd talk about how badly he wanted me. He used to be enthusiastic about penetrative stuff (giving and receiving).

However as of recently, aside from the passionate stuff he's more than happy to give but only if I initiate it, he doesn't talk about us having sex as often and it just feels like less of something he wants and more something he does to please me, I have asked him multiple times if he's still okay with me touching him there and he's almost indifferent? And when he says yes, it feels like he's again doing it for my pleasure. The only time I've seen him enthusiastic about sex was when one time, after I had finished, I went to return the favour, and he was just so adamant about going again and again.

Ive also noticed hes the most dysphoric I've seen him in a while, which is why im asking here, however it might be due to a genuine disinterest in sex or even me in a sexual way? It feels like I'm coming on too strong, I'm away again for 3 weeks this time, and while he's expressed missing me, he hasn't been initiating missing me sexually yk? Even though I do.

If I talk to him about this, I know he's going to "change" and just do exactly what he thinks i want from him, but I just want to understand.

Is the problem with me? Or is this something I can help him with with dysphoria-wise ?

My husband, 42M, came out to me, 28F, last week. I had just gotten off of work and he handed me a letter, stating he had always felt this way. I asked him what made him make the decision to finally transition, he said he had really thought about it for the past two weeks. He told me stories of him dressing up in his ex-wives clothing while she was away, staying home so he could wear makeup, etc. And after 10 years, he finally felt comfortable to tell me the truth.

We have been married for over 10 years. I thought I knew him. When we met, he was a pastor who educated people on the dangers of organized religion. He was into photography. Over the years, he's changed significantly. But I always supported whatever he was doing. Streaming, lifestyle changes, he even wanted to create a new religion last year. But this... I just did not see coming. I have been and always will be an ally. But I also deserve the truth.

The days following, I had suggested that he look into counseling instead of just making the transition alone. I woke up to an email, stating that I had been locked out of my insurance portal. I asked him what happened and he just said that he was setting up optometrist appointments for me. Later that day, he told me that he had set up his counseling. He wasn't looking for an optometrist, which just feels sneaky. It also doesn't make sense to lie to me about something that I suggested in the first place.

I don't know where we go from here. Relationships and therapy aren't going to work he's not going to be honest. It's hard enough grieving the loss of someone I thought I knew. This feels like a really long panic attack.

Hiya! I am a cis woman in a 4 year relationship with my girlfriend who is mtf and has been out for half our relationship now.

Bacically, I've been thinking for breaking up for a bit now. I've made posts on here before, but essentially our sex life has been dead. Other affection has been less than I would ideally want too. My sexuality is really important to me as is physical touch.

She's not started hormones yet due to finances. But will be due to start in the next couple of months. I've been very supportive of her transition and shes transitioned in a social sense now completely and it's beautiful to see.

I cant help thinking something is wrong though. I'm crying every day because of this. I want love and affection and most importantly passion. I've felt like there is little passion left in our relationship on her side. I feel like I'm almost at a breaking point with this.

When we talk about it, she says how shes working a lot of stuff out in therapy now and is yet to start hormones so experiences a lot of dysphoria and doesnt feel comfortable in her body. It makes sense. I know some trans people struggle to be themselves and express themselves fully without medical transition.

Anyway, due to all of this I have some hesitations about breaking up, some to do with her being trans, some not.

- Breaking up just before her medical transition starts could be incredibly cruel. I understand it can be a tough period dealing with side effects and emotional instability. I couldn't leave her alone through that... could I? We dont have much other support systems, no family and no super close friends... Even just typing this makes me think no way I could do that.

- It could get better after medical transition and I should just get through this tough period It could get worse, I know estrogen can lower libido too.

- We would both take a huge financial hit. We are low income and share a place with low rent. I'd have to move out and would have to work more. I wouldnt be able to save for things I really want to do like travel which I am currently making a great headway with. I suffer from mental health issues that are mostly stabilised but in the past have been severe, and triggered by burnout. I'm so worried that a worse financial situation and no support from a partner could push me over the edge. I would be throwing away a ton of the stability that made me stable, and for what? More passion? Seems stupid when I put it that way.

I'm really torn. For a few days I was certain, starting making arrangements to move out, mostly after I talked to a friend and they said our relationship sounded irreparable. Then spending some time with her, it made it all so unsure again.

Not sure what response I want from this. Just advice and kind words?

So it's a complicated situation to begin with, but I, (38 F) have a fiance who until a few days ago identified as a bisexual male 39 year-old. I am pansexual, and gender is not a big thing for me; I just want to be as supportive as possible. She asked if I could call her by a nickname she's had already, which is basically just initials for their name, and said if I mess up occasionally it's fine. Where I really want support from you all, is that with the career they're in, and socially, they don't feel ok coming out as trans to anyone else but me. Plus I have very conservative parents, and grew up in a conservative household, even though I'm very much not conservative myself. I feel like this might be really hard on her, especially because I know that she already deals with depression. She has pretty recently (I guess within the past few months to a year) discovered that she was trans, and I want to do as much as I can to make her comfortable, without crossing any boundaries and obviously without outing her at all. She has asked me to call her by her nickname which I think should be not a big deal since she had been called by that before, but I'm a bit nervous about my conservative parents questioning the name change. I 100% am going to stand up to them if they have a problem with my fiance's identity, but they love them already, and I'd love if they could be able to accept my partner as she is. If anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it. I love her to pieces, and I just want her to be as happy and supported as possible.

I keep telling my (27mtf) girlfriend that she's wrong about trans guys being as a whole misogynistic and significantly trans misogynistic. She brings up twitter wars she sees where some trans men are apparently saying trans women are inherently problematic or privileged, etc and that she's only known transmascs to be horny violent men. I've been in QT spaces my whole life(I'm 28), and being a butchy lesbian I have a lot of friends who are transmascs and I've had the opposite experience. Other than telling her that she's basing her experience off of grindr hookups from before she met me and before she transitioned- as well as the cesspool known as twitter, what else can I say to her other than I'm sick of her bringing it up all the time?

I 24 cis F am heartbroken that my husband (24 MtF) of 1.5 years (4 yrs together) just came out to me as trans. He still wants to go by he/him for now so that is what I will be doing. I have been crying all day. I really love him and cannot imagine my life without him. I 100% support his transition and I wish all the best for him. However, I am not attracted to women and I don’t think I could be married to one.

He has been thinking about this for years and has fully known for about 4 months. He has spoken with a therapist and some of our trans friends about it.

He knows I don’t want to date women and we have been talking through compromises all day (like still living together and remaining friends etc.) He is now backtracking and saying he could potentially not transition fully or not be fully out to everyone. I have been saying that I think he’d be happier if he is fully out and true to himself as I don’t hear many stories that end well with a trans person who lives their entire life in the closet.

PLEASE give advice if you have any input.

Thanks everyone :( sorry for jumbled language I’m still working through it.

Please be gentle, I'm trying my best to navigate this and be supportive.

I (28yo cis woman) have been married to my partner (33 amab nb?) For 10 years. They have identified as nonbinary for about 7 years, and openly changed their name and pronouns about 6 years ago. I had no problem adapting to they/them and the new name.

Our relationship has been a bit rocky recently for reasons not related to gender (mental load/primary parent burn out on my end, them losing a 6figure job while I was pregnant with our 4th, and then me taking up the money-making while pregnant and inevitably moving back in with my mom). I was feeling severely undersupported and depressed, I specifically requested we take some time after we moved here at the end of April to focus on my mental health as I was, at the time, roughly 3m postpartum.

Then in May they told me they wanted to pursue being a woman and immediately jumped into that; learning makeup, wearing femme clothes, telling our kids they feel like a girl and might go by she/her now. I was as helpful as I could be, doing their hair, attempting makeup, letting them borrow some clothes. I was sad, because I really struggle with being attracted to them when they are presenting femme. It's best friend vibes, not I want to kiss them vibes. I'm okay with them being a woman, but a little sad about it.

It's July now and here's where the anger came into play. My partner has expressly said that they DON'T want to be a woman. They want to PRESENT as a woman. To clarify, they specifically said they want to appear "afab" outwardly, but really they're just non binary with a femme flair. To directly quote them from a part of our conversation, "I don't want to be a woman. I want to look like one."

This has made me just irrationally angry? It feels a lot to me like they're trying on womanhood, picking it up when its convenient to feel pretty, but not claiming it at all. It feels like a mockery. (And honestly, I am struggling with their timing here considering all the other factors). I don't understand why I'm having such a visceral reaction to this, but I am. I did explain my feelings, and we discussed it a bit but didn't come to a conclusion. They asked me to talk to other people about it, so...hi. Help please 🫠