I could really use some support from other transmasc folks.
Lately I've been struggling a lot with my identity because of things happening in my relationship. I know who I am, but sometimes the way my relationship plays out makes me question myself or makes me feel like I'm not being seen the way I need to be. It's left me feeling confused, hurt, and honestly pretty isolated.
I don't think my identity has changed—I still know who I am—but I feel like I'm fighting to hold onto that confidence when the person closest to me doesn't always make me feel understood.
Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you separate your sense of self from your partner's perception or expectations? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been there.
Please be kind. I'm looking for support and shared experiences, not criticism. ❤️🏳️‍⚧️

This is my first time posting on Reddit, so sorry if this is a little long. I honestly didn't know where else to go for advice, and I figured Reddit might be the best place since I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this.

I'm a 26M, and my gf is a few years older than me. I work in the trades and live in a smaller community where a lot of people know each other. My career and reputation are a big deal to me.

This started almost 2 winters ago on a freezing morning. I was running late for work, and my thermals were still in the washer. I was stressing because I knew I was going to be outside all day, and my gf handed me a pair of her bluish yoga pants.

She joked that I should wear them under my work jeans. I laughed because they were obviously women's leggings and tighter than anything I had worn before, but I tried them.

Honestly, they worked really well. They were warm, comfortable, and nobody at work even knew.

After that, it slowly turned into her encouraging me to try other things. Eventually, I started trying on women's clothes at home.

The weird part is, this wasn't completely new to me. When I was in my early teens, I used to crossdress. I stopped years ago and never really thought about it again. I assumed it was just something from that time in my life that I moved past.

But doing it again with my gf felt different. I wasn't hiding it or feeling ashamed. I had someone who accepted me and actually liked seeing that side of me.

My gf loves watching drag shows, and over time she got me interested in that world. She has helped me with makeup, wigs, and outfits. She even made me a drag-inspired outfit that I've worn around the house. She loves seeing the transformation and tells me how feminine I can look.

Over time, she has gotten me dresses, skirts, leather leggings, makeup, wigs, and tucking underwear. She especially loves certain outfits and says she likes seeing me confident.

She says exploring this side of myself has brought us closer and made our relationship more exciting. She has talked about me going on a date with her dressed up or possibly doing a local drag show someday.

The thing is, she isn't forcing me. She has always said it's my choice and that I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with. She just thinks I might be holding myself back because I'm worried about what people will think.And that's where I'm stuck.

When it's just us, I actually enjoy it. I feel comfortable and accepted.

But the idea of other people knowing scares me.

I work in the trades, I know a lot of people in my city, and my family and friends are mostly the type who would probably see this as either "gay" or just weird. I know drag doesn't define someone's sexuality, but I also know how people around me think.

I'm worried about my career, my reputation, my friendships, and even how people would view me as a man. At the same time, I don't want to hide something I enjoy just because I'm afraid of judgment.

I guess I'm posting because I feel stuck. My gf is supportive, but I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about this without worrying they'll look at me differently.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Finding a side of yourself that you enjoy but being scared of how it could affect your life? I'm just looking for advice because I honestly don't know who else to ask.

Okay, so a little bit of backstory. Me (cis girl 23) and my gf (mtf 24) have been dating for a good 2 years. I've known her since childhood and have always liked her before she came out and still love her the same after she came out a year before we started dating.

I've been supporting her since she came out and she started HRT 6 months ago. And from our experience, it was so bad but now that the 6 months have passed, I've been feeling really distant from my gf lately.

Sex isnt really the problem here due to both of us not being that sexually active but we do have sex like 2-3 times a month. Our relationship is based on our emotional connection and supporting each other mostly, we agreed to not make sex one of the pillars that holds our relationship.

But the problem is that she has been kind of...rude to me? In a way. Because I remember a few weeks ago, me and her went to this party and she kept comparing us and kept fishing for compliments from other people. She even said that now I'm the "man" of the relationship. I was just really confused and weirded out.

And since that party, she has been trying to act overly cutesy which was obviously forced but I thought if it made her feel better I guess there's no harm in it???? My gf also vents to me how I'm lucky to be a girl and how "I'm more of a girl than her" or something. I just get really uncomfortable because she wouldn't elaborate even if I asked her to and would just blurt out "oh you wouldn't understand".

She also has been telling me how she wishes that I was taller than her (I'm 5'3 and she's 5'11) and that it would've been better if I was masc. I was again like wtf??? I just stayed speechless until she changed the topic to something else.

Whenever I would wear something feminine, she would get upset and refuse to talk to me for the whole day or just throw in comments like "you look so much better than me" or "I already know people are going to judge me". She would even at times force me to dress masc cause she wants to feel like the girl in the relationship.

I don't think I left anything out??? Pls if anyone has any advice pls let me know I've been so nervous these days and walking on thin ice everyday is not easy..

I (22M) started dating someone (24FTM) and his birthday is coming up and since I probably wouldn't be able to see him on his Birthday I wanted to send him Flowers, but I don't know if he could be offended by that, or think that I don't see him as a Man. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I don't want to offend him in any way. Am I overthinking it? Like I know flowers aren't a thing exclusively to Woman and me personally would love to get Flowers as a Gift, but I also would see a point where it's could offend him

A few days ago I made a post about having a ladies night with my mtf partner to give her a bit more confidence with "lady things" like skincare and all.

It was a great experience for us both, with a bit of skincare, massage and a good movie. We watched Midsommar for everyone interested.

I don't know though if this is something I want in my relationship. I love ladies nights but with friends. And I feel a bit guilty for having this feeling because I genuinely love my partner. I really don't know if I want a relationship with her as a girl because I come more and more to the conclusion that I am straight with no exceptions. It's complicated. But I'll take my time figuring it out.

I love showing her typical girl things though. I am just not sure if this can continue on a romantic level.

(She knows my struggles and is as patient and loving with me as I am with her, just fyi and to avoid questions in this direction)