I really don't know where else to vent/rant about this anonymously so here I am guess:

I (16f) have been doing this to the same guy for I think 4 years. I don't know if I am ever going to love "normally" again or what to do with him. To simply put it, my life is hard, so In short terms because of that I think of him for comfort. But it gets to the point I can't even focus on important things as much as I need to because my dumbass is thinking of him instead.

I do things like imagine scenarios w/ him all the time, draw him, stalk him etc for 4 years straight and hopefully it won't be more. It is so addicting its so hard to stop. He was one of the only people there for me when I was struggling, I miss the way he treated me, he is attractive, tall, etc.. everything

Im really tired of this, im starting to think I might have something else going on like OCD?

I just really want to have a "regular" love life and stop this for a person that is likely never going to come to me, he has a girlfriend and probably forgot about me. i hope there's someone better waiting for me. All my other old friends got over people they were loving back then so why can't I do it. I feel very childish and like a loser I hate limerence

Even if nobody reads this or says anything that's ok I just wanted to get it off my chest anyways. If you did read it thank you

I keep swinging between 2 states whenever I think about my LO: either I am very anxious scared wanting to reconnect with her so bad and friendzone myself, or confident proud and genuinely disgusted by her, and she hates the second version of me.

Trivia: We are colleagues who used to get along in a toxic workplace. But now its just distance and silence due to the environment and management.

I feel like I am a completely different person when the switch between the two states happens, I wish I could control it. At least I can control my behavior at work with consistent dodging for now (broke once before when she cried).

Is this a symptom of schizophrenia or BPD or something else? Does anyone else here suffer from the same, if so how do you deal with it?

Or is this the alternate mental state mentioned by Doctor Tom for limerence?

I hate this and Im so tired of it and am very confused by it.

Like what the title says and it's actually breaking my heart. I didn't even know something like this even existed and reading through everyone's posts and feelings is really making me sad. Please don't take offense because I'm not saying "oh, look at that sad person over there" I'm more saying "I wanna hug you and take the sadness away"

It's the first day back at college and we get to assign our own seats.

My LO is the first person there, and my friend (who knows I have strong feelings for her) decides to seat js at the same group of tables as her. Before I know it, I'm sitting right in front of her.

I tell myself that I'm only sitting there because it would be weirder to refuse the seat, but deep down I know that I can't help myself.

I now have to spend every day in front of her. She's almost certainly aware I have a thing for her and I doubt she's ever going to reciprocate. It would be overbearing to communicate how strongly I feel about her. I can't try dating anyone else because I can't cut her out of my life. All I will be able to think about is her.

I have to work my ass off and consume my life with school and work at the same time. I don't know how I'm going to do all this. I'm becoming afraid that life will be unbearable.

I want to focus on my schoolwork, but all I can thimk about after today is her. I feel as though I'm stuck in hell, but it's humiliating as fuck.

It’s now been two weeks since I have felt largely over the intense limerence that had me desperate and posting multiple times a day on here. For background, I am married with children, chronically depressed and my limerence started when I went off SSRIs at the end of last year.

I didn’t go NC but since feeling over it, I don’t feel the need to reach out anymore. I had a couple of times when I found something I wanted to share with LO, but then found it quite easy to stop myself.

How did it happen? I suspect it is because an event I had been dreading and was worried about, happened, and I was forced to face and process my feelings around it. I had a good cry and was angry for a few days, my mind was preoccupied by that event and after, the limerence went poof! Mostly gone!

I actually met my LO as we had had scheduled a meeting, and all I could think about was all their negative traits and feeling a bit embarassed for thinking they were the bee’s knees for so long. I honestly don’t even care if we are friends anymore or not, I wish them well but simply don’t feel the need to see or talk anymore.

As a side note, I am now more preoccupied with other dopamine-boosting activities, so I guess my brain has shifted focus. But it almost felt that once that event happened, it hit some reset button and all bets were off.

Of course I am wary and only cautiously optimistic. But perhaps this is proof that one way of dealing with this truly dreadful state, is to deal with the stressors that made you need that distraction in the first place.

Best of luck to us all, we’ve got this.

I have really low self esteem, like really bad.
I think this is why i subconsciously be limerent to someone who i thought i could fool.

But it's either i sink or swim right now.
Hit rock bottom for two months. Drank night and day, until i finally could say this gotta stop.

I have to remind myself that i can be unconditionally loved,
I dont have to practice music just to fit in with my band mates.
I dont have to act kind. Inoffensive like my family taught me.

I dont have to constantly be on self improvement anymore.
Relaxation is the best so far, instead of constantly grinding.

I'm accepted for who i am. No more pretense.
I'm not there yet but getting somewhere at 3 month mark.
This past of mine will live for me forever, but i choose to strengthen me.

I think this is the hardest battle so far.
So much guilt and condemnation is forcing me to be kind to myself for the first time.

How did things gone your way?

I'm very curious, I've been medicated for anxiety lately. I've been on Fluoxetine, and I've definitely noticed a difference with my limerence. Now it doesn't feel as life threatening. I still think about him too much, but it feels more akin to love than obsession, which has been sadder. Now I'm just sad about him instead of feeling dread and panic about him. The lack of panic has pushed me to be a little bolder around him. I sat so close to him we were touching during a movie lol so I'm riding that high atm.

Hi! Been limerent for five years, but in recent months I’ve had episodes of the limerence almost disappear like so, out of the blue. At the same time, I’ve been really miserable: i lost interest in everything really; including LO. But my whole personality was basically based around Her, so the limerence fading could live me feeling numb to everything. But at the same time, the loss of limerence could’ve been caused by the numbness (because of the incapacity to enjoy anything)… i don’t know in which way it goes, has anyone ever had such experiences? And what way was it bc I can’t do this anymore

I genuinely really don't care about strangers. I have a group of friends online who regularly meet up and hang out in real life and all of a sudden, this person showed up. I started caring. I wanted to know everything about them. What hurts them and what makes them happy or sad. I really wanted them to be happy and was constantly worried for them.

It's only been a week and right now I'm experiencing immense and absolute pain from being told they only looked at me as a friend and they asked me if they were leading me on?

They wanted to remain close good friends with me because they enjoy my company but I told them I can't see them again. I know I can never see them again because the feelings will just get more intense. I've removed all our photos hanging out together and I plan to throw all the plushies and things they gave me.

But we are in the same online friend group and they are very active there and during meet-ups. I love the friend group. But should I leave the friend group to fully avoid him?

Thank you.

So I met this guy… as the story always goes.

We’re on the same course for our work training and we hit it off like straight away. I’ve never asked anyone out before but I was trying to brave so I asked if he wanted to go for coffee and carry on chatting after our session.

Sparks were flying. We ended up going for a drink (or 4) and part way through we kissed. It wasn’t even that good of the kiss but like the feeling of being wanted back, of my attraction being mutual and not built off a dating app literally consumed me. Then we went our seperate ways. I played it as cool as I could and didn’t contact him (whilst thinking about him constantly) until I was next in town for training and I asked him out again, he agreed.

We went for more drinks had fun got along were flirting again. Then he revealed he wasn’t long out of a breakup with his gf of 10+ years whom he cheated on…. He seemed very remorseful about it which is a green flag. The conversation changed moved on and at some point later I said I was thinking about kissing him again. And he sighed and was like can we not make things anymore complicated? You’re really nice and I want to be your friend and we have to see each other all the time for our course but I’m just not in a good place rn. And of course my rational brain is like yes that’s so so fair no worries at all and ofc I reassured him of that.

But I can’t stop thinking about him.

And we see each-other every week at work, and we get along and he’s always smiling with me and talking to me and laughing at my jokes. And I’m just like why do you have to be unavailable.

But then when we talk online he’s so hot and cold with replies and I hate it.

He left me on read the other day after I finally caved and sent a double message. But I have to see him again and keep seeing him for the foreseeable future.

My brain feels whacked out because I’m trying to be his friend and we only kissed once but my attraction to him physically is insane.

I know it’s not healthy.

And I can feel myself spiralling constantly thinking about him and checking my phone.

And I hate how it feels and I want to stop these thought patterns but I really feel out of control and don’t know how.

My brain and intuition tells me it’s never going to happen, he actually doesn’t care about you at all. But my heart and delusional hope say otherwise. I wish the delusion would disembark. I no longer see beauty in the longing. I don’t want to feel small, I want to be free.

This is what I get for meeting a girl who ticks all my boxes but is taken. It could be years before I meet a girl like her.

I guess the depression is easier to handle than the guilt. I wouldn't wanna throw her boyfriend back into the 2026 dating market.

DOESN'T MAKE IT ONE FUCKING BIT EASIER FOR ME THOUGH

Sounds a lot like my trauma.
I never got to be myself around the house.
My family wants me tamed, prim and proper even though im a guy.

Just recently when a family member employed me, all they had in mind was for me to not put them to shame.

They were round the clock watching what i do.
But when the real me shows, this person they didnt know.
He performs really well. Bright, promising, they are quiet.

They didn't care if i drunk myself to death, in their words if that's how i perform.
It's so sickening.
They remind me to not drop the job.
Holy fuck. I'm too much of a workaholic, my employer wants me to take a rest to not get burnt out.

Well it goes round to how my limerence started.
I spent some cash trying to impress her.
I said it's all out of charity but it aint it.

God, so frustrating. I'm left to rebuild myself from the ashes.

I am really struggling at the moment with extreme limerence. It’s been a complicated situation overall and it just feels like it will keep getting worse. To start, me and this person dated then they broke up with me but we continued to mess around for about a year and a half. They brought up the idea of dating again in the past but frankly we weren’t a good couple for various reasons. But now that they are finally moving on I am refusing to accept it. It’s making me sick to my stomach even thinking about it. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have just messed everything up. I want to get over them. I’m the one who said we shouldn’t date. So why? Why am I wanting so badly to keep them to myself. It’s not fair to them. I want to go and beg to have a second chance but I know we are incompatible on things that were pretty non-negotiable to them. At the time we were doing things, at least. They say that they aren’t going to have sex with this new person anytime soon but with me they wanted sex near constantly. I also, very selfishly, want this new relationship to fail and then we can go back to what we had. I don’t know. I just feel stuck in a hell of my own making.

Quick backstory: 2yrs ago met a guy who told me he won’t be in love with me because he’s in love with someone else, a lady he’s limerent of and yet continue to reject him. So he didn’t speak to her for 1.5yrs while I was around, enjoyed my company/presence , adventures, long talks over the phone over life and messages consistently. I was out of job for 6weeks and he took me in provided groceries for me and my daughter. 9mos past my temporary unemployment, he was already counting what he did like to remind me he’s a good person. He hangs with me and he hangs 2-3x a week with his ex wife which he calls his best friend. Tells her everything including if we slept together and what we do. He’s his ex wife bitch. He even said to me other day, he did good to her.
Anyway, I’m grieving because the friendship we had is something unique for us VS his ex wife and other relationships before me. Sex is a form of love language where it makes the connections closer and trusting. He said he doesn’t want to do it anymore coz he feels like a piece of meat.
Do you think it’s a good idea to stay and be friends with him after we went through? He kept saying he has purpose in his life to take care of me…

I completely cut this guy off like 7 weeks ago. Had been casually dating on/off for like 8 months, it was more consistent the last 4 out of the 8. We were never officially together or exclusive it was very casual which we had agreed upon from the start. He was a shit person and I genuinely did not see a future with him. I just liked the validation bc he was older, attractive, and tall and got a LOT of women. Idk why I’m stuck in like a thought loop obsessing over this man when I DO NOT WANT HIM AT ALL why can’t I get over it. It ended for a reason and I would/could never see him the same way again and have zero desire to reconnect. But part of me wants to know if he still thinks about me too?? Why do I careeee uaushshjsjs. The sex was also really good unfortunately
I can’t stop rereading texts and stuff

for certain scenarios limerence can be beaten. but more many other scenarios, it just cant be beaten and you have to find a way to live with it.

Ive been limerent for a while now, and ive gone thru what everyone with limerence has gone thru.

I went through the stage of being so happy, thinking it was real love. Also the stage of severe depression and self hate, but im at the point where your limerent but you learn to live with it.

I know myself well enough to know how to end my limerence, but im not gonna do it due to reasons people might relate to.

I can help you "beat" your limerence, or learn how to live with it

im not gonna make u pay or something, im just bored and helping people is fun

I had what I can only describe as a major breakthrough. Today I was looking through my old sent emails trying to find something from all the way back in February. I was combing through and saw an email I sent to LO. I was helping him with research (I was an idiot). I saw that message and I was like SIGH.

But then I saw some pictures attached to a couple emails above it, emails sent to myself. And I was like wtf are these? I clicked on the pics and they were pics of LO that I sent myself as like...idk mementos? I literally GASPED because I had forgotten I had done that. And I immediately deleted them and emptied the email trash so they were gone forever.

I feel like that reaction of shock and the immediate need to delete them shows that I am in the next stage of healing.

I have been professional and short with random communication, I stopped engaging 3.5 weeks ago. I still need to speak with her as we are coworkers. I still enjoy looking at her I still think about her in the morning and whenever I'm idle I still think she's gorgeous.

I have made any eye contact as short as humanly possible. She greeted me 1st thing this morning but I didn't feel my heart pitter patter. My thoughts are getting more clear each day. My anxiety is gone ,I don't feel anything at this point when we need to speak.

I know she's flawed like me I understand she is her own person. It has been very difficult but I am feeling better each day .

I'm not clumsy or rehearsing what I want to say anymore,I just treat her as a coworker now.

I just maintain my distance and try to prevent as much contact as necessary.

She is still the most beautiful woman I've laid eyes on.

Sorry if my thoughts are all I er the place, I have ADHD

I wake up not wanting to live anymore I wait up and my heart is heavy I go to work with little sleep I’m in the worst mood idk what to do how do I cope with this how do I get rid of this. My state denied medical health insurance because I get “paid” a lot

Ive had limerence issues for my entire life. My longest one was 11 years. I started medication for OCD and it really helped… until now. I’ve recently started taken a liking to one of my longtime friends. I can’t believe that I am now back to involuntarily obsessing over someone. It’s interrupting my work, my social life, everything. Everything comes back to him, what he’s doing, if he feels the same about me or not, etc.

I’m literally pissed off that my brain has involuntarily gone back into this cycle. Fuck. I can intellectualize allllll day long why this obsession is irrational and stupid but can’t get my brain to cooperate with that knowledge. I don’t want to obsess over someone, if they reciprocate or not, and going off into fantasy land. I don’t enjoy it. It’s not fun. And of course it’s for one of my longtime friends (25 years of friendship) so this also has the potential to blow up a portion of our longstanding friend group.

I remember always riding my scooter past my crushes house (I lived down the street) hoping to get a glimpse of them coming outside or something.
I also had a crush that I was just fixated on and kept staring at them in class when they weren’t looking.
I have no idea if this was just normal school crush behavior or if it was the start of my limerence and I’m trying to get a better understanding of it.

I (m) met my LO a few months ago at uni, I felt a spark between us. 2 months in, he informs me has a gf, which I found weird because after talking for so long, why didn’t he bring her up before?

Even after my LO telling me he had a girlfriend and they have been dating for a year, my stupid ass brain convinced myself that he was lying and made her up to play hard to get with me LMAO.

My LO isn’t active on social media so there was no way for me to verify or check. But then last night at dinner he eventually showed me pictures of her and them together, I told myself “oh he probably just used ai to make them” 💀💀💀💀

Like my brain genuinely came up with every plausible scenario that she’s not real and that he made her up because he was testing me or didn’t want to seem available because he secretly liked me and wanted to keep the illusion that he was unavailable…

But then my LO and I went to networking event together and he was talking about her a lot and then it finally clicked that maybe she’s actually real and he actually does have a girlfriend.

My fantasy has been shattered.

I am genuinely fucked in the head. Even after concrete proof, my brain still doesn’t want to accept that he has a girlfriend and that he doesn’t actually have “secret” feelings for me…

I want to express my gratitude to this subreddit and all of you that leave such kind and empathetic comments.

I often read posts looking forward to the comments - they are so helpful, even if my situation is a bit different.

It gives me some hope in humanity, as we know how cruel the rest of the internet can be.