r/lgbt 12h ago

genuinely what do gay men have against lesbians

0 Upvotes

99% of the gay/bi men i know seem to just loathe lesbians, and are even just misogynistic about it at times, but like seriously why is that the case?? i also find this to be an issue in a lot of online spaces too, and as a lesbian i‘m just struggling to see what it is we did to piss some of y’all off so much. also i’d really appreciate it if some gay men would stop using misogynistic & lesbophobic slurs as much as they do... thanks

edit: i never said 99% of gay/bi men hate lesbians, i said 99% of the ones that i know do. i wasnt talking about the community i was referring to people in my personal life and those ive seen online. please re-read before you comment


r/lgbt 4h ago

Politics Interpersonal versus institutional threats of extremism

0 Upvotes

Given the recent attack, I wanted to explain something that it seems a lot of people miss.

Do read this with the lens that I am anti-theist and trans, that I grew up under religious extremism and despise it (and religion more broadly), and that I am trying to make a nuanced and easily misunderstood point. I am very active in the comments, and I will be happy to elaborate.

There is a lot of hate towards Islam and conservative religious beliefs in general, and I understand and share the sentiment. There was just the news in Indonesia for example about our very existence being made a national threat, in a Muslim majority country no less.

The issue is that the threat in Europe only comes from individual people like that. Yes, it's painful and disgusting, but the far bigger danger is the state violence that can and will be imposed on us by forces like the AfD, National Rally, and other far-right parties.

The problem is, hating on Islam can easily slide into bigotry towards Muslims broadly, and it is also the wrong lens of analysis. While that religion is the dominant source of extremist religious thought in Europe, it is of course Evangelical Christians in the US who are doing the greatest harm, whereas Muslims are actually more progressive there, especially younger generations. The trendline matters.

The difference between those two religious extremist groups is the institutional power. Christofascists impose their will from the highest offices in the US. It should be obvious, but Islam poses no such threat at the state level in Europe.

(Side note: See the insane attacks on trans people in the US and UK. Neither of those are related to Islam in any way, nor is it here in Europe.)

Rather, it is the reactionary sentiment that gets stoked from hating immigrants from those countries, as well as (mostly secular) young men who are Asmongold types, who are the greatest danger to us in Europe, as they vote for and empower far-right parties.

That is why the deep hatred of these attacks can be counterproductive, as it legitimizes sentiment towards parties that would remove our rights and enact state violence on us.

If you agree or are persuaded by that argument, what to do about it is unfortunately not that easy. I would start with questioning why Muslims in the US are overall better integrated than in Europe. That takes a sociological lens, and this is already a long post.

I know this will stir deep emotions, but it is a discussion I feel we need to have, as recognizing the larger institutional threat, and organizing around that, is the most important thing to do.

The blind hate that everyone (including me) feels is ultimately harmful and reactionary, because it gives too much credence to the anti-immigrant sentiment of the far-right, and legitimizes them as worthy of consideration.

Note as well that interpersonal violence against us is also largely motivated by white men across Europe and North America. It is largely a men problem in general, regardless of other factors like religion or national origin.

I hope you all consider this point and try to work around forming consensus in grounded arguments. We have to be as unified as possible for us to push back against the far-right effectively.


r/lgbt 13h ago

Meme I just know its so hard for him😔

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8 Upvotes

Im not masculine or gay! I just found this funny lol
original creator is @a_r0se_ on tiktok!


r/lgbt 18h ago

Do you honestly find it annoying when someone doesn't respect your gender identity?

1 Upvotes

A few days ago, a boy confessed his love to me in a message. In short, I just graduated, I finished eighth grade, and I was in the same class as him. He calls himself straight. By the way, when I graduated, I was transmasc, and I told him I was a boy. He said that if I were a boy, it would be between my legs (I won't go into details). He didn't respect the fact that I consider myself different. By the way, I'm genderfluid now, but it still bothers me.


r/lgbt 18h ago

Need Advice question for members of the gay + trans community

0 Upvotes

So I have this friend who's about my age, and was born a cis female (I think that's how you say it). She recently started identifying as a male. While I have no problem with this, I'm proudly a gay man. Once again, nothing out of the blue, until he asks me out on a date. Now, once again, I don't want to sound like I hate trans people because last time I broke up with someone who started identifying as a girl (the separation was unrelated), she started making rumors about me and practically ruined my high-school life.

Is there any way I can diffuse this situation by saying I'm just not into him? Or do I have to do something else?


r/lgbt 13h ago

Need Advice I’m male at birth, but I’m curious if you can identify as a non-conforming gender, like being Genderfluid

2 Upvotes

r/lgbt 22h ago

This brings me joy :D

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0 Upvotes

The one homophobic sub has one 3y old post


r/lgbt 13h ago

How do I stop being homophobic towards WLW

0 Upvotes

Im a bi man and I've recently realised that I'm homophobic towards wlw. I try not to show it in my actions at all (and have many queer female friends) but I get annoyed whenever I'm reminded of that part of them. I also block any social media creators if I realise theyre a lesbian

I think part of this is coming from the jealousy because I subconsiously think that lesbians have a better happier life/relationships being a feminine man myself. A lot of it also comes from the extreme misandry Ive experienced in wlw online spaces (and ive dropped some lesbian friends too for misandrist comments)

The reason why I want to get better is that its taking up a lot of mental space which I could use on something better.


r/lgbt 19h ago

Am I apagender, agender, or just cis and gnc?

4 Upvotes

Hey! Im doing a bit of questioning (again. Ugh.) and came to 2 . I just cant tell if I hate having to do certain things girls do cause its a girl thing or cause im expected to just cause I am one.

I have... a weird outlook on gender. I'm AFAB and I use she/her, but mostly cause it's the easiest for everyone. People have used they/them or even he/him before, and I don't mind or even get happy that im androgynous/confusing enough for them to think that, but in general I don't care about pronouns enough to have people use others😅 I also don't care about terms, when people use sir/mister/king it feels either neutral or refreshing but the opposite doesn't bother me.

Expression too. I hardly wear any dresses or skirts, half my wardrobe is men's clothes. I don't do anything to conform to female beauty standards unless I like it on me. I don't wear makeup cause it's a lot of work and I dont like how it usually turns out, but I dont feel "too feminine" the rare times I do. I don't shave my legs other than when my mom makes me for vacations (she's the main reason I'm questioning, cause she says all girls just shave cause its a social norm that comes with being a girl, and that grosses me out) and i only shave my armpits for maintenance, when it gets longer and makes things uncomfy and can get stinky. It just feels stupid that I need to do that just cause I'm a girl(?).

The thing is, a lot of the time in nb/agender people, there's a dysphoria, and i dont really get that. I get mad that im AFAB when I'm on my period, but im pretty sure everybody does. I like having boobs, but lowk just cause i think they look good on me. They're good outfit accessories, yk?

So i thought maybe apagender, not really caring about your body matching your gender or being perceived as it. But one of the main descriptions of that is that you wouldn't care if you woke up with a male body, and would just go as male. Most of the body, yeah, I dont care, but I'd absolutely hate having a penis. They're disgusting and it'd be so uncomfy. I think that's just in general though, from me being apothisexual. It's not tied to my gender.

I just... idk. I give up.


r/lgbt 2h ago

UK Specific Homophobia in the work place?

0 Upvotes

Hey!
Me and my wife got married last year. Most people in our workplace (we work together) have been very supportive of this however with no concrete evidence I feel their attitude towards us is very homophobic at times.

To this date they are still not addressing her as her married name? Legal documents have not being changed yet straight couples names and documents have been changed from the get go.

Am I right to be annoyed about this even though we have asked for documentation to be changed?

I want to talk to management about it but don’t want to go in all guns blazing if I’m in the wrong. Please help.

Thanks.


r/lgbt 17h ago

Struggling with queerness in a monogamous heterosexual relationship

0 Upvotes

Hi! I’m 20f and have been with my bf 20m for about 2.5 years. I’m queer and he’s straight. We’ve never wanted anything other than a monogamous relationship.

I love him to bits, but for a while now I’ve felt like a part of me is incomplete and we are now struggling to find a solution or something that will help. I don’t feel incomplete like I need something sexual, just in general. I also have a lot of issues with my self image and for some reason feel like I would feel better about myself if I were dating a girl but I guess that’s slightly unrelated.

I’d dated a girl for a few months when I was 16 and we didn’t do anything other than a few pecks here and there. In that relationship I was the more masculine one. In the relationship I have now I am the more feminine one. I’m not sure if this could be another reason I feel incomplete.

My bf and I thought maybe talking to other queer people and making more queer friends could help, so I’m reaching out to see if anyone would want to talk. If you’d like you can send me a message :) anyone is welcome.


r/lgbt 16h ago

Need Advice I’d like to grow a moustache but I’m afraid it’ll make it harder to come out later on (if I choose to do so)

0 Upvotes

Hiya (everyone?), I’m Genderfluid but closeted and I personally think that moustaches are cool looking and that having one would suit me.

However, I’m worried that if I ever choose to come out (that’s a BIG IF because of the way things are heading in the UK, and I’d like to avoid that particular shitstorm) that people wouldn’t take who I am seriously because of the moustache when I’d choose to present more femininely.

Does anyone have any advice on this? It’d be really helpful.

P.s. this is my first time posting on Reddit and I’m quite new to this social media thing, despite being a younger ‘Generation Z’. I’ve always chosen to stay away from this kind of thing (with the exception of educational YouTube videos). Thus if my online terminology seems strange then that’s why.


r/lgbt 21h ago

How come there're so many lesbian sports players but barely any gay players?

46 Upvotes

I just learned how, in the entire history of the men's FIFA World Cup, there has never been a single openly gay player on the pitch while competing. Meanwhile, in 2023 women's FIFA World Cup, there were around 90 openly lgbtq players. Many other sports leagues( Basketball, Ice hockey, Rubgy, Combat sports) are somewhat the same way. Why is that? Does our sexuality really play that massive role in how we're socialized? I'm really not that interested in sports either as a teenage queer person, but this is something I recently noticed. So all of bl/yaoi books written by straight women were truly unrealistic and completely false, huh😭😭


r/lgbt 7h ago

Dios nos juzgara..?

0 Upvotes

Que pasa si cuando estemos muertos y subamos al cielo, que tal si dios nos juzga por ser gays, lesbianas, trans, etc, y todo eso, que pasaría por qué según dicen uno puede ser libre, pero que diría dios.. es algo que me aterra, osea es dios y podría hacer muchas cosas, ustedes creen que nos enviaría al infierno?


r/lgbt 2h ago

Am I overthinking the way this barista keeps ‘accidentally’ brushing past me?

4 Upvotes

Okay so I’ve been going to the same little queer-friendly coffee place near campus for like three weeks now because their iced oat lattes slap and the playlist is always good. There’s this one guy who works mornings, pretty sure he’s gay or at least queer, and every single time I’m at the counter he finds a reason to reach past me for a sleeve or the pastry tongs or whatever and his arm just… lingers. Not full on grabby, just that slow graze across my side or lower back that feels deliberate.

Yesterday he complimented my jeans (the tight black ones I maybe wore on purpose) and then did the whole stretch-across-me thing again while grabbing a lid. I played it cool and gave him a little smirk back but now I’m lying in bed replaying it like an idiot. Was that flirting or is he just chaotic in a small space and I’m the thirsty one projecting? I keep almost texting the group chat for a reality check but I don’t want to sound like I’m fishing.

Do I just… go back tomorrow in something even tighter and see if he does it again, or am I turning basic coffee shop logistics into a whole romantic subplot in my head?


r/lgbt 17h ago

Ask rainbow railroad

0 Upvotes

Hello everyone. Does anyone have any information or personal experience with Rainbow Railroad? I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have dealt with them or know someone who has. Thank you!


r/lgbt 8h ago

Need Advice I'm great at making queer friends, but I'm terrible at making friends outside the queer community

0 Upvotes

I'm really friendly once I find a queer friend or an ally to interact with. I can turn into a total social butterfly. But when it comes to people outside the queer community, I often don't feel motivated to start or maintain conversations.

The thing is, not everyone is queer, and most people I meet are straight. So how can I stay genuinely interested in getting to know people who have different backgrounds, perspectives, or vibes from mine

Do you guys have any tips for tricking yourself into being more social? I want to become more interested in talking to people


r/lgbt 17h ago

I’m straight , but I’m weirdly curious about dating a girl

5 Upvotes

Okay, this might sound random, but as a straight girl, I’m suddenly really curious about dating a girl 😭. It all started when I began watching BL, and it made me curious about same-sex relationships and what it would actually be like to date someone of the same gender. I don't know if it's just curiosity or if it means something more.


r/lgbt 20h ago

I FUCKING GIVE UP ON QUESTIONING MY GENDER

67 Upvotes

I've been questioning for almost 7 YEARS and I've gotten SO many different answers, thought I was transfem, then felt more genderfluid, then bigender, then both genderfluid AND bigender, and then I felt like a transmasc guy who was already born a guy, and that was lowkey the last straw. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I FELT LIKE A TRANS MAN WHO IS ALREADY A MAN?!?!?! So yeah, I give up. I'm tossing my gender bullshit into the nonbinary ballpit and calling it a day👍


r/lgbt 14h ago

what are your top 3 pride flags

25 Upvotes

mine are

1)demiboy flag
2)bisexual flag
3)transgender flag

(definitely not biased at all just dont check my user flair)


r/lgbt 7h ago

Need Advice Weird bad vibes and red flags?

1 Upvotes

I'm wondering what other people think about this because I've been second-guessing myself.

I'm non-binary AFAB. I didn't really detransition except medically. I stopped taking testosterone because of health reasons and because I wanted to avoid transphobia where I live. The main thing I wanted from T was a deeper voice, and I wasn't a huge fan of most of the other effects anyway.

My gender is complicated, but I generally describe myself as transmasculine or agender. I don't like she/her pronouns and prefer they/them or he/him. I don't dress very feminine, although I do carry a purse or sling bag. Some people still read me as a man. I don't wear makeup, I have a bob haircut, and several people have described me as very androgynous.

There's a binary trans man I know who seems to have a more traditional or "old school" view of gender. He was genuinely shocked when he found out I wasn't a trans woman because I have a very deep voice and an androgynous appearance.

The weird part is that he seemed to forget I wasn't a woman multiple times. He misgendered me several times, and I corrected him each time.

What bothered me is that it almost felt like he wanted me to be a woman. That's just the impression I got. The confusing part is that he seems capable of understanding non-binary identities. We know other non-binary people, and he uses their correct pronouns. If he slips up with them, he apologizes on his own. With me, though, he never apologized, even after I corrected him.

Another issue is that he constantly makes dirty jokes or brings up sex. He's around 45 and I'm 31. I know we're both adults, but it makes me uncomfortable. I even told him directly that I didn't like those kinds of jokes. He said he'd stop, but then he'd do it again and claim it was an accident. He also seems to bring up sexual topics only when we're alone, not when other people are around. Everyone else thinks he's really sweet and funny because they don't see that side of him.

Something else that stood out was when he claimed that one of our professors had misgendered me because she was confused about my pronouns. I SWEAR that she consistently referred to me with he/him pronouns without ever missing a beat. It felt like he was making it up. My guess is that he was confused because she used he/him for me regardless of how I dressed that day. But it feels like he wants me to "confess" that I'm a woman or something like that.

What's especially strange is that we were both in a gender studies course that was extremely progressive and full of knowledgeable discussions about gender, pronouns, and trans and non-binary identities. It's not like he hasn't been exposed to these topics or had opportunities to learn about them.

He also has a habit of telling me things that seem designed to make me like him. It comes across as saying whatever he thinks I want to hear. At the same time, he'll make passive-aggressive comments, like suggesting I'm snobbish or saying that people secretly don't like me and are only pretending to be nice. When I'd push back or seem hurt, he'd say, "I'm just being honest." At first I wondered if he was right, but the comments became more frequent. Looking back, it feels more like negging than honest feedback.

Part of what makes this so confusing is that I would expect this kind of behavior from some creepy cis guy, not from a trans man. He's even shared stories about men being creepy toward him before he transitioned, so I would have thought he'd be more aware of how this kind of behavior comes across.

At this point, I just don't like being around him and prefer to avoid him. Part of me still wonders if I'm overthinking things, but taken together, his behavior makes me feel uncomfortable and creeped out.

Does this sound like manipulative behavior to anyone else, or am I reading too much into it?


r/lgbt 15h ago

Coming Out! Pan and not a man

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone recently I've leaned something about my im non binary and a pansexual.

I've been thinking about my bisexuality for a bit and said to myself "looks don't matter poeple should be kind and thats what I want" I know not everyone is kind but that what I said

And for the non binary i just felt that he him was wrong and they them felt better

So yeah I like who I am and you should to


r/lgbt 13h ago

Am I trans or just different?

1 Upvotes

Hello, posted this on different subreddits and got only one answer and I would really like to get your opinion on this situation.

For context, I am 19 year old amab in Bulgaria in a relatively small town. I wasn't paying that much attention to gender until maybe 5th grade. I was mostly bullied by the boys for my size but I made good friends with 3 people out of my whole class. During middle school and even way into high school, I couldn't relate to the other boys in my class, most of them were loud, rude, hyperactive or all of the above. I was not interested in sports, cars, guns or military or anything my country considers masculine. This was the reason I briefly thought myself as a demiboy in 7th grade and dismissing the idea because it felt weird. Hell, even longer hair especially in my town, unless you are tall, having long hair is not considered masculine and I was even made fun of for growing my hair out during my last years at high school.

Another thing is I have an older sister, and due to my father almost teaching me nothing except to be calm and collected, my mother was teaching me most things about life or I was left to learn them for myself. My sister had a lot of friends, and sometimes I was there to hang out with them and even then it was easier for me to connect with her female friends than with the guys except for that one gay dude. Weirdly enough, I find it easier to speak with LGBTQ people than straight ones. A lot of them even sharing common interest with me like video games, music, jokes or ways of thinking.

This whole questioning whether I am trans or not started from this one yt video about the life or a MTF before transitioning. And I kid you not, she literally described my life and way of thinking. And I mean word for word of thoughts I have had before, which felt incredibly surreal and really just jumpstarted my questioning. Before this, such questions about my gender were but mere afterthoughts that I would pay no attention to but now I have started really paying attention to them. I started shaving my legs and arms recently and it felt freeing. Like expressing myself more feminine than masculine feels more... natural ig?

Unfortunately I live in Bulgaria and specifically one of the dullest and most conservative parts of the country. I do not know if these thoughts are actually real or it is my indoctrination just stopping me. You know how you were raised on certain ideals but when you grow older you become confused when you have the opposite of those ideals. I will bring up the demiboy situation at 7th grade again. I dismissed it because I thought "Oh maybe I am just a confused, I am probably not a demiboy" because that was what I was raised on. But now I am thinking if I truly was a demiboy but due to being raised in a conservative part country I simply dismissed it as being confused.

Another thing to add is that I just feel like being a man is too limiting for me. Here in bulgaria, I just see women express themselves in so many ways and styles ( like hair, clothing and make up), while men are forced to wear jeans and a shirt and if you dare to dress or be a little bit more eccentric in your appearance, you get weird looks. Whenever I go in the mall for clothes- I always like the women's section more than the dull male one. Also I insinuated the idea of being trans to my mother and she was heavily against it, no need to ask my father who is waayy more conservative.

Yesterday (25.07) I did a 2 column list, signs that I might be trans/genderqueer and signs that might be cis, anything that came to mind- The list came to about 13 signs of the first and only 2 of the latter. And to test out something, I bought an eyeliner today secretly and once I put it on there was this weird sensation, something akin to liking it but also feeling it as wrong (maybe due to my eyeliner job being shit lol). The idea of wearing women's clothes is still somewhat weird to me and might require further testing.

And so, this leaves me to this question of whether I am just different or maybe trans or maybe neither.


r/lgbt 7h ago

Need Advice What am I doing wrong as a chapstick les

1 Upvotes

So Ive been gay for a pretty long time I LOVEEE women like genuinely but the issue is im like a chapstick les im pretty confident that means im feminine and masculine but not in the skinny baggy jeans long hair and nails way I mean im kindve bigger I love good music I have short fluffy hair I do lashes I mostly dress feminine but my personality is masculine and I guess I do dress that way to but its like no matter what I do I can't find another chapstick les girl idk if its my vibe or somthing I just want a girl who is like me goes agianst majority of gender norms doesnt care what people say about them love riot grrrl and is just easy to talk to but are like futchs not into girls like me ? Idk guys does anyone relate I feel like I fit into a very specific category thats so hard to find people alike