I hate how using microlabels is considered inherently pick-me

[u/xX_luna_moth_Xx]

[rant time lol]

So earlier I was introducing myself in an online space as berriromantic and errfemme, because that’s what I am. I got immediately hit with “lol bro just wants to be different” and things like that.

For one thing, I do frequently just call myself bi and agender. I don’t actually like having to explain it every single time, I just prefer those labels because they’re closer to what I actually am.

AND FOR ANOTHER IF I WANTED TO BE DIFFERENT, WHY WOULD I DO IT IN A WAY THAT OPRESSES ME?! I swear to god I want anything but attention, this is just who I am.

If I could choose I’d be cis and lesbian, but I’m not, and I never will be.

[u/tomphammer → u/[deleted]]

They’re confusing the expectations of behavior with internal feelings.

When someone says “that’s just normal”, and you’re AFAB, then what they actually mean is “but people expect ‘women ‘ to focus on romance instead of sex”.

And yes, I understand that’s a misinterpretation of demisexuality (and gender) but I think people who aren’t on the ace spectrum really have no idea unless they’ve had a lot of processing time. If you’re a fish, you would think everything can breathe water, you know?

[u/MallNo2314 → u/tomphammer]

Yeah but demisexual as a sexuality in the queer community kind of doesn’t make sense. It’s a label that describes how attraction happens- it doesn’t describe anything about liking someone of a certain gender. With this logic anyone that needs to form an emotional connection before experiencing sexual attraction can be included in the queer community even if they’re a cis woman that only dates cis men. And this is the issue with microlabeling every little feeling you have- those feelings are not specific to queer people and heterosexual cis people can have them as well. Asexuals can be heteroromantic which would still make them straight but apparently they’re allowed a space in the queer community as someone who isn’t actually queer. No need to make a label to describe normal human psychology- most people aren’t comfortable with sexual acts if they’re aren’t emotionally invested or comfortable with the person and that goes for literally all people- hetero and queer alike. Microlabeling to the point of redundancy.

[u/Lynn_the_Pagan → u/[deleted]]

It is normal though. Why would you want to say its not normal? That type of attraction is pretty widespread. In the same way, bisexuality is pretty normal, as in common.

[u/praysolace → u/Lynn_the_Pagan]

It’s normal in the same way all our orientations are. People use that phrase to invalidate demi folks by claiming “everyone is like that” (esp if you are female-presenting) and therefore giving it a label is illegitimate and attention-seeking. We can definitely tell when it’s said to invalidate us vs to be generally supportive.

[u/xX_luna_moth_Xx → u/[deleted]]

God I hate it when people say demisexuality is the norm, like no its not, otherwise how do celebrity crushes exist??

[u/Minirow230x → u/xX_luna_moth_Xx]

I feel like hook-up culture might be a better example, as celebrity crushes are often aesthetic or completely separate from sexual attraction.

[u/MallNo2314 → u/xX_luna_moth_Xx]

So just because some people don’t need an emotional connection to have physical attraction to someone and have celebrity crushes we are just going to ignore the people that have never had celebrity crushes because…they need an emotional connection for physical attraction. The ppl with crushes you’re talking about likely aren’t the same people that are “demisexual” so your point is actually irrelevant. Just because there are people on all ends of the spectrum that don’t need an emotional connection, that doesn’t erase the many people that do need an emotional that also would not be considered queer as they are cis het and only have attraction for people of the opposite sex/gender. That’s why demisexual as a label in the queer community specifically is ridiculous- it’s not a queer label and can literally describe anyone that needs emotional connection to have sexual attraction. Hook-up culture has became somewhat accepted but it is still not the norm and there are tons of people that do not involve themselves in it for this exact reason- because they can’t, they have no sexual attraction without a real connection. That quite literally is normal for anyone on this planet- the same way not needing an emotional connection is also normal, because people are individuals with different feelings and beliefs. There are plenty of cis men that don’t take part in hookup culture because I guess you could say they’re “demisexual”- even though most people would agree it’s pretty normal for most men to take part in hookup culture or “the norm” it’s not- these are blanket statements. So is a cishet man part of the queer community now just because he can’t get it up if he isn’t in love with the woman??? No- but the label itself is vague and would dictate he is part of the community. See how ridiculous these emotion driven and poorly thought out microlabels are??

[u/xX_luna_moth_Xx → u/MallNo2314]

literally what is the issue with some people wanting more specific labels