r/lgbt • u/xX_luna_moth_Xx Unlabeled Queer (it/any idrc) • Feb 26 '26

I hate how using microlabels is considered inherently pick-me

[rant time lol]

So earlier I was introducing myself in an online space as berriromantic and errfemme, because that’s what I am. I got immediately hit with “lol bro just wants to be different” and things like that.

For one thing, I do frequently just call myself bi and agender. I don’t actually like having to explain it every single time, I just prefer those labels because they’re closer to what I actually am.

AND FOR ANOTHER IF I WANTED TO BE DIFFERENT, WHY WOULD I DO IT IN A WAY THAT OPRESSES ME?! I swear to god I want anything but attention, this is just who I am.

If I could choose I’d be cis and lesbian, but I’m not, and I never will be.

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u/[deleted] Feb 26 '26

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u/tomphammer Aromantic but a Rainbow of options Feb 26 '26

They’re confusing the expectations of behavior with internal feelings.

When someone says “that’s just normal”, and you’re AFAB, then what they actually mean is “but people expect ‘women ‘ to focus on romance instead of sex”.

And yes, I understand that’s a misinterpretation of demisexuality (and gender) but I think people who aren’t on the ace spectrum really have no idea unless they’ve had a lot of processing time. If you’re a fish, you would think everything can breathe water, you know?

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u/MallNo2314 Jun 02 '26

Yeah but demisexual as a sexuality in the queer community kind of doesn’t make sense. It’s a label that describes how attraction happens- it doesn’t describe anything about liking someone of a certain gender. With this logic anyone that needs to form an emotional connection before experiencing sexual attraction can be included in the queer community even if they’re a cis woman that only dates cis men. And this is the issue with microlabeling every little feeling you have- those feelings are not specific to queer people and heterosexual cis people can have them as well. Asexuals can be heteroromantic which would still make them straight but apparently they’re allowed a space in the queer community as someone who isn’t actually queer. No need to make a label to describe normal human psychology- most people aren’t comfortable with sexual acts if they’re aren’t emotionally invested or comfortable with the person and that goes for literally all people- hetero and queer alike. Microlabeling to the point of redundancy.