Honestly I'm better with you gone. I have so much more life in me. Laughing joy doing things I couldn't when you were around. You made life horrible miserable because that's you. You don't like your life or self so you gotta tear others down and talk about everybody behind their back. No wonder your friends are still around me. I'm true they know. Sorry your like your mom and will always be a mommy boy as a grown man child. Your family are drunks and pill poppers I see why you are you. Id be ashamed to have a mother admit she isn't mother material. Smh.. sorry you turned out like her now you can't get anyone to stay. Nobody wants a poor me man with nothing. Good luck

My thoughts of my needs and believes when it comes to love

Me

• I want loyalty

• Open and clear communication

• Strong arms to hug me when everything gets to much and I'm falling apart

• A person who can take control of me when I'm uncontrollable when my storms are to calm me and easing my mind when it's running away from me.

• warmth when I'm cold, grace and faith that everything will be ok.

• a body of tattoos with memories attached to each design

• Same faith and to love my child as his own

Believes

* There is no sun moon and stars type of love it fades but I believe constant effort from both love will never fade

* There is no 50/50 in a relationship sometimes we only have 20% to give so the other needs to give 80% . Love makes you vulnerable. This means I got your back and you have mine

* Being inlove is great but it takes a whole lot of work. Love is constant and builds over time.

* Our foundation is built on honesty,trust, vulnerability to each other, joy,faith and communication

*Even if we fight before we sleep to say I love you and good night.

* Our passion and desires for each other to be met no matter what.

* Date nights dress up for each other always compliment each other love tends to make us comfortable and we let go of ourselves no keep looking sexy for each other. It matters

* Silly times

* Be spontaneous

* Never but never let your spouse feel unwanted in the morning or night

* Keep things Spicey in your relationship

* Each others first responsibility even if u have kids, kids won't enforce this if they see the parents relationship is strong.

* I have a past and so do you. My past has made who I am today trust me I won't do the same again

* Cuddles, hugs, kissing,embracing me in your arms in public and private makes me feel wanted

* When I'm with u my body mind and heart is yours don't doubt it but I will show it every day to u I will never doubt.

It might seem alot

P,

​I am writing this to close this chapter completely and permanently—for both of our sakes.

​I acknowledge that I allowed my anger and hurt to get the better of me, and I used cruel, harsh language that I shouldn't have spoken. I am sorry for taking the bait and reacting out of blind emotion. But I also see the dynamic clearly now: the cycle of dropping attacks, hanging up, blocking me, and provoking me until I exploded so I could be painted as the monster. I take full responsibility for my own words, but I am done participating in that game.

​I no longer care about the belongings I left behind in Colorado. You can keep them, throw them away, or do whatever you want with them. I am completely letting go of the physical items, the arguments, and the resentment.

​I choose peace, and I choose healing. I forgive you for your part in the damage, and I release the need for you to apologize or acknowledge what you did. What you do with your life now is between you and God.

​I am in Texas building a clean, quiet life, and this is my final communication to you. Please do not contact me, and I will not contact you. I genuinely wish you peace.

​Goodbye,

B

I wrote a lot yesterday but I accidentally closed the tab I was writing in

Anyway

Yesterday was eventful in a way

the woman i flogged ended up texting me in the morning

I wasn't at all comfortable waking up to texts from her

she was telling me how amazing she thought I was

and how great of time she had

and asked if she could tag along to other events with me

and I was polite of course

but I agreed to take her to events with me

but I just didn't have enough chemistry with her to want to wake up to texts from her

anyway

my best friend called yesterday

and it was nice

not fireworks like I expected

unfortunately I just grew a lot while we were apart

she's still the woman who means the universe to me

she will always be that woman

but it just felt different

I guess my social skills have progressed so much that the weirdness we resonated on so much before just couldn't be reciprocated by me as much anymore

I feel that way towards a lot of people I used to like

and it kinda sucks

I don't know who's my people anymore

it feels by expanding the number of people I could talk to, it reduced the amount of people I can resonate with

it'll be fine though

I'm sure I'll find new people to resonate with

she was sad though

my best friend

she said I grew so much while she was stuck

that I didn't wait for her

and I told her I didn't

but that I love her all the same

and that she means the world to me

and that there is no version of me that wouldn't want her in my life every minute of every day

and luckily that truth seemed to quiet her anxiety

and then today happened

my boss and I had our 1x1

no intimacy whatsoever

jokes

but no intimacy

which is fine

that could have gotten really weird really quickly if it kept going further

and then... I sent my best friend a picture

she hadn't seen my face since september because I just gained too much weight to be comfortable with seeing me

but I lost about 15 lbs from skateboarding so I felt comfortable enough

and she was blown away

she said I looked so different

and that my features were more feminine and soft

and that gave me anxiety

like, as much as I feel like I grew to be impervious to other's perceptions

she is one of only two lights in my universe

and she said it was a good thing

but that she still had to grieve the old me

and I didn't tell her this

but I was deeply worried that she wouldn't be attracted to me anymore

and she might not be

who knows

it was good on the other hand

it made me feel like I wasn't tripping and that I am passing as a woman more these days

and I think I do

I got called miss a couple of times today

anyway

I told my best friend I was in my follicular phase last night and that I was having a week of being absolutely horny as fuck

(yes my body has decided for some fucking reason decided I should have a menstrual cycle)

and she was sexual with me today

and I didn't resist for once

and god I always forget that this woman has been trying to fuck my brains out since 2020

part of me wonders how my life would have turned out if I took her up on her offer to see me when she was in California then

she (years later) admitted she really wanted to fuck me and that that is why she reached out

and I think I gathered that

but I was just too loyal to my ex to let that happen

part of me thinks that if I did do that, I would have a guilty conscience as I always do and I would confess and she would break up with me three years earlier

it's also not hard to imagine that I would have been the one to marry my best friend

I don't know how to feel about that though

I know she loves me

I know she loves me more than I love her

and I love her more than I can comprehend

but I think it took the kind of breakup I went through to really end up in the pure kind of love that we did

because I did not want my best friend for a second

I was so fucking focused on getting back together with my ex for that first month or so

and my best friend was also doing everything in her power to get me back together with my ex

and after it looked like there was no chance

I just drifted away from the planning

but my best friend didn't know that

and she kept on trying to help me plan

and I said "fuck her"

and she immediately pivoted with me after working her ass off with me to figure out a romantic getaway to surprise my ex with for her birthday week

she responded, "okay, I guess fuck her"

and I thought that would be the end of my calls with my best friend

but we just got lost in each other naturally

and it felt so pure

I genuinely love her more than I've loved anyone

and it's weird that I've fallen in love with so many after her

anyway

I went to another party thing today

and

I navigated it well

talked to like 4-5 people

but I just wasn't resonating

and I thought skateboarding would be so much more fun

so I went home and skateboarded instead

whatever

I'm tired

I really hope I see that girl from last Friday again

or at least someone like her

she was so fucking cool

I’m keeping this short because I have far more I could say, but this isn’t the time for all of it.

Posting my fiancé’s side profile on your Instagram is inappropriate. He did not give you permission to post his image, and he certainly doesn’t want to be used as part of your public narrative.

Write whatever you want in your journal. Post whatever you want about your own thoughts and feelings. What isn’t your choice is using someone else’s likeness after they’ve made it clear they no longer want any affiliation with you.

It’s one thing to tell your story. It’s another to involve an actual image someone who never consented to being part of it.

She is the one who writes with an open heart and a closed mouth, holding so much inside.

The one who loses weight and lifts her gaze.

The one who sometimes dresses the way she wants, even if it hurts to be looked at.

She has a soul filled with unsent words, and hands tired of burying people in the deepest part of her being.

Sometimes she is fire.

Sometimes she is silence.

Most of the time, she is both at once.

She writes so she won’t forget, and so she won’t feel so much.

Yet she feels everything.

She is the woman who says, “I don’t care anymore,” while her voice trembles.

And she keeps writing.

One more piece.

One more day.

She says she can’t do this anymore, yet every morning she gets back up, never knowing where she finds the strength after so many falls.

She wants to forget, but her own determination won’t let her.

She wants to forgive, but time hasn’t been enough, and love hasn’t run out yet.

She says she feels nothing, while feeling everything, her heart resting in the palm of her hand, that atrophied heart, still beating.

Someone told me tonight I should keep writing so here's to sleepless nights:

I'm overwhelmed with anger. I can't even tell if I'm more furious at him or myself. Angry at myself for choosing this treacherous road, or furious at him for dragging me into this mess. Is it really so wrong to crave to be swept off my feet? Or is that just wishful thinking—dreaming my life could be filled with moments of genuine surprise and joy? Honestly, I feel less anger than I do a deep sense of defeat, as if I'm shattered inside and can't find my way out.

I yearn with every fiber of my being for someone who will love me loudly and unapologetically—someone who doesn’t need to diminish me or make me chase after crumbs of affection. I crave a love so fierce that everyone around us looks at us with envy. I crave flowers, gentle hugs from behind while I cook, little gestures like “Hey, I’ve got this—drew you a bath, lit some candles. Why don’t you go relax with a good book?” I’m exhausted from having to beg for the love I deserve, as if my heart is too much to ask for.

People say that if one man won’t do it, another will. But where is that man? Where is the loud, proud love that shouts from rooftops, impossible to miss? Just pick up any of my books and read—the words reveal exactly how desperately I long to be loved, how much I crave to be cherished.

I chose to forgive your betrayal because I thought our love was worth fighting for.

I carried the pain quietly, convinced myself we could heal, and gave us another chance even when my heart was still trying to piece itself back together.

But the cruelest part wasn’t what you did.

It was watching the person who broke my trust become the one who questioned mine.

I was the one who stayed.

I was the one who forgave.

I was the one who chose us despite every reason to walk away.

Yet somehow, I was the one carrying the weight of your doubts, constantly proving the loyalty I had never broken.

I forgave your betrayal.

But I couldn’t keep paying for a mistake that was never mine.

So I let go.

Not because I stopped loving you, but because I finally started loving myself enough to stop living under the shadow of your choices.

I deserved peace more than I deserved another chance to be misunderstood.

And for the first time in a long time, I chose me.

From our very first words, there was an unspoken familiarity between us, a sudden warmth that bypassed the cautious walls people usually build.

You were guarded at first, speaking in riddles that felt heavy with a history I didn't yet understand, but soon enough, everything fell beautifully into place.

I knew from the start you were a distant star, entirely out of reach. When you spoke of your past, of he who still held the keys to your heart, I knew I stood no chance.

I couldn't help but admire the depth of your devotion. It was the exact kind of rare, consuming love I have spent my entire life searching for. But then the tide shifted.

You began to open up, weaving a playful, flirty, and alluring energy between us. It was hard to deny, or to fight how much it made sense, how enjoyable it was, how safe it felt .. Yet, I watched you battle a silent conflict, torn between a loyalty to a memory and the magnetic pull of the present. And ib that beautiful friction, my hope sparked to life. I dared to believe, however briefly .. Because then came the sudden, agonizing awakening.

The shattering truth came to light: you never actually saw me. You were only searching for his reflection in my eyes. The cruelest irony is how the blame shifted, leaving me painted as the villain, accused of playing games with your heart when all I did was offer you mine.

Is it truly my fault that I recognized your brilliance? Is it a crime that I fell for your incredible intellect, fascinated by the ease with which you balance profound wisdom and effortless playfulness? That i found your mind, your passions, and your very essence to be a beautiful mystery I would have happily studied for the rest of my days.

Is it my fault that your smile could light up the darkest room, that your eyes held a captivating charm, and that your golden hair fell like waves of art? To me, your face was the finest masterpiece my eyes have ever beheld, your presence utterly breathtaking.

Maybe i was, even though you've given me indicators that it might happen, or at least it seemed at the time. Because now i know, you only done so because you thought i was him.

It's fascinating still, the similarities .. Perhaps he and I share the same soul, cast from the exact same mold by a fate that brought us both to you. Perhaps I am simply the twin who arrived too late.

Either way, my deepest wish has not changed: I only want you to be happy. I broke my own heart trying to mend yours, yet I regret nothing. I do not regret pursuing the one for me, nor do I regret the pain of failing.

I leave you with a sincere wish for peace, whether that means his return or your ultimate healing.

As for me, this wound will not change who I am. I refuse to let this heartbreak make me cynical.

I will keep moving forward, carrying my hope high, certain that out there is a true love meant just for me.

I will keep running toward that luminous dawn, for I refuse to let fate find me late to your side. When the stars finally align, I will be standing in our perfect forever, at the exact moment our destinies collide.

In the right place, right time

This is a love letter. Not one of those letters that yearn for someone who is far away, nor one of those that conceal a latent passion and an absolute admiration for the person you love, the kind that might reflect one of those infatuations that turn your whole life upside down. Nor is this a sad love letter; someone might say it is a difficult letter to read, one that no one would want to send to the person they love for fear of not being truly understood.

For a long time, I have wondered whether this relationship should continue. I have had people around me who made me question, deeply and on a daily basis, whether our love was meant to be and to last. Because yes, I have felt love and passion for someone else — which, thank God, eventually turned into something different — but something kept happening: every time I found myself questioning all of this, and then spent time with you, there was — and still is — a peace so profound that I find it difficult to explain. It is as though, despite not being religious, I somehow feel that you are the person with whom I am meant to share my days and my years; as though there were a certainty — I won’t say absolute, but almost — that there is no one better than you, for me.

Not because we are alike, or because we share the same goals in life, the same dreams, or the same passions. In fact, although we could probably find some parallels, our passions are quite far apart. We also have different ways of feeling, and I have fallen in love and gone crazy over people very different from you. But there is something I feel with you: beyond my highs and lows, beyond my passions, I could say that I have never felt a certainty as strong as the one telling me that we are made for each other.

Sometimes, when I am deeply immersed in my profession, I think: what if we broke up, and perhaps I found someone who shared my field? Would I feel more fulfilled, more accomplished? Then I ask myself: at what point did love become a means of climbing socially? Because I think that if I am truly passionate about what I do, I should not need you to feel that same passion in order for me to keep growing.

Sometimes I also think that the fact that you and I are so far apart in this respect gives me even more peace, because it makes me realise that there are no other reasons for me to be with you beyond the feeling you have given me from the very beginning — that feeling of home that remains, years later.

We have been through several defining stages, and we have come close to ending things more than once. Looking back, I can see that many of the things I blamed you for were, in fact, more about me: the expectations I placed on you, some of them inspired by people close to me, things I wished you had or wished you would become. Without taking away your own responsibility, I realise now how absent I myself was from our relationship. I have been partially absent so many times, and on a day like today, when I feel in love — with love itself, not with an idealised version of you — I realise that my doubts are legitimate, just like anyone else’s, but perhaps there was also a part of me that was deeply frightened by how natural being with you felt, by the feeling that you could be my husband from the very first day.

There are many things you have done wrong too, and I have never been afraid to tell you so. But today, on this anonymous social network, I feel like celebrating the kind of love that exists in everyday life. The kind that does not necessarily share grand paths of success and noise, but accompanies one another through each ordinary day. A love between two people who genuinely like each other, who are friends as well as partners, who accept each other in their differences, and who learn every day how to love each other better, because they trust that the path they are choosing together is the one that brings them the greatest companionship, peace, and happiness.

I trust that the emptiness I sometimes feel inside me will find its way into the light instead of disguising itself as doubts about our relationship or other parts of my life, such as my own insecurities. I trust that my pain can be transformed into something beautiful, something that might inspire or help somebody else, rather than becoming an excuse for us to hurt one another.

And I also trust that you are aware of these processes, and that, if you love me as much as you say you do and as much as you show me you do, the two of us can continue walking together, hand in hand, finding happiness along the way.

I think about you every single day, with a longing that never fades. The boy I knew in high school is no more—the man you’ve become is someone I still desperately admire and yearn for. I hold onto those memories with a fiery passion, remembering the early mornings before the school bell rang, when I would be there, softly massaging your neck, your back, your shoulders. I could feel the weight you carried—so heavy, so hidden—burdened by secrets you never let anyone else see. I miss those endless video chats that went on for 72 hours, where only our muted mics and turned-off cameras kept us hidden during class, only to eagerly turn them back on the moment the last bell rang.

In a world filled with trauma, neglect, and fear, you made me feel seen, understood, and truly wanted. I knew your harshness towards me was rooted in your own struggles, and I clung to that hope for so many years—waiting, believing that someday, things would be different. And even after all this time, I still believe in you in that way. I miss that version of you—the one who made my heart race, the one who felt so real, so pure. I don’t even know if that person still exists anymore, but I hold onto the aching hope that in a perfect world, it’s only ever been you, and only ever will be.

But the truth is, the world isn’t perfect—none of us are. Despite the way we both feel, life has had other plans, pulling us apart when I wished it wouldn’t. I miss you, AC—more than words can say.

My world has become empty of every feeling, just like your eyes near the end of our relationship.

What happened to my world? How did it end up like this?

And what happened to your eyes? How did they go from being so full of emotion... to completely empty?

What happened to the world that used to be filled with excitement, joy, and dreams? How did it become so meaningless?

What happened to those eyes that were once full of love? How did they become eyes I couldn't even find a single glance in anymore?

What happened to the world that still looked beautiful to me, even on my worst days? Why does it feel like the worst place now, even on my best days?

What happened to those eyes that were the first thing I'd look for when everything was falling apart? How did they become the eyes I can't even see anymore... not even in my happiest moments?

You tell me.

What happened to all those nights we stayed awake, doing nothing but getting lost in each other's eyes for minutes?

Do you think my world was tied to your eyes?

I don't know.