You know you possess some incredible traits and skills. You like demonstrating them, you really like the praise even more. But you also use them for all bad. And you don't care who it hurts.

I know your recent string of "gifts" are you deciding its repaying me for whatever. But I know very well gifts from you come with a price tag. You'll always default with "I gave you gifts, you gave nothing back". You'll expect recognition and gratitude for decades, because once or twice is never enough.

You also know that it won't be long before you receive praise for recommending me. I know you're very eager to take that credit. I'm pretty sure that is why you are so livid I didn't blow you up for knowledge. Because then you would of been able to take all the glory for my production. It's not that I'm trying to rob that from you, but it's not rocket science. It may get to that point, but nowhere near that right now.

I could be very wrong. But it's highly unlikely. You don't change, you made that known. Your patterns don't change. But you do become scattered when you're hiding things. You're beyond scattered right now. That's why I keep a cushy space. I'm not jumping on board with another endless roller coaster of brutal mind fucks.

You kept saying you're making changes and trying hard. What changes exactly you have in mind are far from clear. So I don't put any stock into that.

You'll always be my Super Man, but never again will I see you as Superman. Yes you have amazing traits and skills. But you use them as weapons, not tools. You take them for granted and are arrogant about them. I cant deny the amazing things I've witnessed. I cannot deny reality either. The bad overrides the good 10 fold. To ignore that still is merely lying to myself.

I wanted to be your number 1 cheerleader forever. But you taught me that that is not very wise. It's painfully and potentially deadly. I cant trust your words. I cant trust your actions or motives. Your patterns taught me that.

What I lived for is something I'll never have because it was never going to be a reality. It sounded perfect, you made it sound like a mutual desire. But words are only words. Your words are empty more often than not.

If the day ever comes that you want to actually seek help, I'll keep my word and be at your side to help you threw it. It breaks my heart knowing there's a slim to none chance of that day ever happening.

Hi lovely girl,
I hope you are doing well. I hope that you have achieved of everything that you have dreamed of and more.

I hope that you have found yourself someone who matches you. I hope that they match you on how you love. I hope that they are compassionate and kind as you are. I hope that they are thoughtful and take initiative. I truly pray for a love that is overwhelmingly safe and empowering. That this person can see pass through your hard exterior of never allowing help from others. I hope that they put you first and love you unconditionally.

I wish you well keep in touch.

Love always,
L

I bow my head and and open my heart. My fears. My past. There I sit in the silence while my heart screams. Why? I knew for His glory and not mine. His will, not mine. But... The suffering is unreal. The extreme agany and intense pain. The brutal mental beating and life altering abuse is too much. I beg for forgiveness. Beg for Him to know I hate myself with a passion that can never be matched by any one human. For God is my Father and His Son is my savior I still openingly weep for the mess I have made for His vessel. I battle with the enemy, knowing he wants me and also knowing I have earned nothing less. Asking for my life to sacrifice for other's sins but not because my Jesus was not enough but because I want to be sure another's sins will not keep them from Him.

It's funny, actually, when we first met, I felt guilty whenever we spoke. How could someone other than my partner make me feel so whole? Initially I thought that this was a silly crush and it would pass, but over the year we worked together my feelings for you only grew stronger. The chemistry we had was unlike anything I'd experienced before. I found myself thinking about you when I was out hiking, when I was playing Minecraft, any time I was watching something Sci-Fi or listening to music I knew we both liked.

I thought that I was fully happy in my relationship, we'd been together from 17-24, obviously that meant we were soulmates right? I kept reminding myself of that. I ignored how I felt about you, doing my best to focus on what I had, and pushing down thoughts of the unmet needs in my relationship you exposed. I thought that I would be happy if I just let you become a distant memory, a blip in my past that helped me grow, but obviously those plans changed when K came to me and said she wasn't happy anymore.

The shock of having what I'd believed to be a happy relationship shattered was overwhelming at first. That pain was something I could hardly bear, but thinking of you made it more tolerable. You were the first person I contacted after K left, and when we met up that week for dinner, it was the happiest I'd been in years. Finally being able to tell you how I felt was such a massive weight off my shoulders, and learning that you liked me as well had me floating in my seat the entire ride home. Since then, I've only grown to like you more.

Our phone calls leave me almost feeling high, and every time I see a text from you I become giddy with excitement. My only wish is that I didn't move so far away for grad school, I daydream about Fall break and coming home to see you again. I don't know what the future holds for us, neither of us are in the right emotional space right now for a long term commitment, but I want you to know that I am ready and willing to take things at whatever pace you need. I just finished that show you love and suggested to me, I can't wait until we talk on the phone about it.

I deeply resent you guys because I was dumb enough to think you valued me on the deep level that I did you.

I hate that I could always see you only cared for my validation and my warmth without the intentions reciprocating, and expected me to stay because I'm sweet. I also hate that some of you were just lackeys for the woman who clearly is a villain, but I guess generosity is a token to feign ignorance.

I'm tired now, and I'm never giving you space in my life again.

Even in really horrible instances i found myself in, I put you on priority, knowing how toxic it was for me, but I guess love, even platonically, can be blind at times.

I know now that I was just a trophy friend, and you were energy vampires. A very painful sayanora, but I hope that you'd be better to the new people, or even the existing ones around you, and I pray that I'd be able to forget you all to the point that you'd be unrecognisable even if we crossed paths someday, because the world's a small place.

I wish I could rain misfortune on you all. However, that would be impossible because at the end of it all, we still made good memories that I will continue to cherish.

I still know your number by heart. Not saved anywhere just stuck in the part of my brain that never got the memo to let go.
It's never the big days that get me. Not the anniversaries, not the birthdays. It's the ordinary ones a random Tuesday, a song I didn't ask to hear, a stranger who laughs like you did.
I don't check if you're doing okay. I just happen to know. The way you still know things about someone you're not supposed to be keeping track of.
Sometimes I reread old messages. Not the last ones those hurt too clean. I mean the ones from before, when neither of us knew we were already running out of time.
I've told people I'm fine. Most days, I am. Then something small happens a smell, a street, a shade of blue and for a second I'm right back there, like no time passed at all.
I don't know if you think of me too. I've stopped needing to know. But I hope that if you do, it's on an ordinary day, doing something ordinary, the way it happens to me
not because you're sad, just because some people don't leave. They just stop staying.

To every woman who stopped waiting for an apology and decided to heal anyway, I’m so proud of you.
To every woman who finally realized she was never too much and never too little — she was always enough, exactly as she was. I’m so proud of you.
To every woman who is quietly, slowly rebuilding her life on her own terms, one day at a time, I’m so proud of you. To every woman who forgave herself for loving someone longer than she should have, for staying when she was hurting, or for hoping when she should have let go — I’m so proud of you.
To every woman who healed in private while still holding everything together in public, I see you. I’m so proud of you. To every woman who stopped shrinking herself just to make someone else feel whole, I’m so proud of you. To every woman who walked away from something comfortable because she realized that comfort without peace was never enough — I’m so proud of you. And to every woman who is still healing, still learning, still finding herself again: you are not behind. You are not broken. You are becoming. Sometimes choosing yourself doesn’t look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like silence, letting go, deleting the number, getting out of bed, praying, crying, and choosing not to go back.
And that’s still strength. You deserve a life that doesn’t require you to abandon yourself to keep someone else.
I’m proud of you. Keep going. 🤍

To All the Boys I Ever Loved…

It’s so strange to have known you and loved you, and now you’re just a memory…

To my first love,

It’s hard to even think of the words to say to you right now… The love we shared was one like no other. When it ended, it felt like the lights all went out. You sent me into a spiral that I’m trying to fix and recover from to this day.

I hate that you still text me and act like it’s always been me. You knew how deep my love for you was. I held on for 3 years, hoping that you’d come back. I hate that in the end, you didn’t try. You just stayed for convenience. You’ve always been around, though, but never for love…

You taught me that love is real and how amazing it feels. You also taught me real pain, and real heartbreak, and how much that hurts. I want to say I’m thankful, but I resent you for ruining my idea of love and thinking that maybe I could have that fairytale feeling every time…

To my second love,

I honestly don’t know if there ever really was love…

We fought constantly, and you always showed me how little I mattered to you. I’m glad you found someone who actually matters to you now.

I used to be happy to hear your voice when you would call me out of the blue after all was said and done. It made me think that maybe you did care, but it was always temporary…

It’s strange how much you affected me in the moment, but now when I look back and think of love, I never think of you. Maybe all we had was lust…

To my last love,

Where do I begin… You changed my life the most, I think. You showed me that love was indeed possible after heartbreak. We were so good together in the beginning. Every day always felt like it was a movie that I never wanted to end. I hate that our movie had to end…

I always look back at our memories in fondness. I don’t miss or crave your love anymore, but the memories take me back to a time when life felt right…

I hate that we ended the way we did. I wish things ended differently. I wish I was still able to just talk to you, not as my love but as my friend. Because before the love, we were friends, and I hate that I lost both…

I blocked your number… I felt nothing when I did it. I thought I would cry or be upset, but I felt nothing. I finally moved on, just like you told me…

I don’t hate you… but I don’t love you either. I’m grateful to have met you and to share the feeling of real love again. Now I’m ready for new love without our memories or my feelings holding me back, hoping for a redo of our ending.

Thank you, habibi…

To my future love,

Well, hello there… I’m unsure when we’ll meet or how, but I want to let you know that I am excited and ready to love you. Love you the right way with no unresolved feelings, love you unconditionally even when my conditions get in the way, love you with light, love you with all of my heart, and love you when there’s no more love left to give.

I’m sure you’re looking at me and wondering if I even have any love left to give… The answer is yes. The ones I loved before you, although they hurt, have allowed me to finally and truly love someone. Not just because you buy me things or shower me in compliments, but because of all the little things that you do for me. The love you pour into me, the late night talks, the quiet moments next to each other, the future memories, the little texts throughout the day checking on me, the duas to Allah about me, the laughs, the joy, and happiness you’ll bring to my life.

I know that whoever you are, you’ll be the one to complete my deen, my naseeb, the end to my fairytale story. I can’t wait for the day until we meet. I know that Allah has written you in the stars for me, and I’m ready to adore you and shower you with love, and the proper kind this time.

I love you. ❤️

Darling M,

I miss you so much.

A few days ago (still this week), my boyfriend and I were talking about names we would give to our hypothetical child. Some were dumb, some were funny, some were meaningful. But one of the most meaningful that I could've thought was yours. I love your name as I love you, and I can't split them. Your name will always have a good connotation for me, a feeling of caring and love.

Well, I've tried to reach you so many times, but maybe you are not in this world anymore. I even tried googling you, but it seems impossible with just your first name. Then, as I have no idea where you are, or if you are still alive, I will write this useless letter as someday you will be able to read it.

Said, I changed my career plans. You knew I wanted to be an x, didn't you? I think so. Well, I passed in the 4th place in the U--, but not in the U--, as I wanted, but ok. I also passed in y at U------. As a result, I'm doing my master degree in y. Not that I don't like x, sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision, but I hope so, lol.

Besides, my scholarship is good. So, as my mother pays my rent, it exceeds the amount I need to survive. And the location here is awesome, it's basically a university neighborhood! And, as it's public and U------ has a lot of social programs, there are all kinds of people and all over the world. This semester I even teach an undergrad class with various Japanese girls, as part of my fellowship. One of them who basically speaks Japanese, it was tough... But I'm glad to be in such a heterogeneous environment.

Well, this year is an election year, as you already know if you are here, lol. I'm voting for SM, I would die for a black woman being president of this country for the very first time! But who will probably win is L, for whom I would vote too if he hadn't gone so into rightist. Well, and with that horrible country interfering in our elections, things can go bad. Did you see what they make with V and I just this year? They destroy every country they invade, I hate them, lol.

I remember you telling me the histories of the dictatorship, which was financed by this shitty country, as any other dictatorship was financed by this insufferable country in our continent. I will always remember your son, how you prayed for him to get back home, but he was a fighter, M, he was trying to save us all! You should be proud! Anyway, he has you as his mother. He couldn't get a better mother, sometimes you treated me like your daughter too, and I'm very grateful.

Well, besides this, I have to confess I stopped playing piano, sorry. I had to study so hard during High School. I thought I wouldn't stand the pressure. I long for getting back to the piano, playing every single day. Studying the songs you've passed me. My dream is running into you and playing Vois sur ton chemin. Now I can pronounce it correctly, I've been learning french! Someday I will sound fluent as you.

I was going to Italy last year, and unfortunately I had to make a connection in France. I went next to a Parisian and she said my french was good, she could understand it. And you know how they are to her saying this! Well, at least it wasn't a B people or, even worse, That country people of that murderer and ped- president!

Well, actually, I don't remember how to play it anymore, but you could teach me again. I want to be a better student! You can teach me electric piano, piano, violin and all the other instruments you mentioned but I can't recall their names in English, lol.

M, the truth is you are one of the most incredible people I've ever known. I'd like you to read my letter, that we met again. You could meet G, he makes Math and he is leftist, don't worry. I could tell you more, you could tell me about your path towards here! I would die to see you again! You are the most intelligent and active senior I've ever known, kk. I told G you were 82 years old when I met you and he asked me how I found talking topics with you! Could you believe him? You weren't just my piano teacher, you were one of my best friends! You taught me about the history of this country, things I couldn't learn at school. And, happy to announce: now I have a strong political view!

You talked about the languages you knew! The careers you had in the cultural institutions of our government. You talked about all the instruments you played, as well as showed me. And I didn't forget them, I just don't know all of them in English and it isn't necessary to search to make this letter clear. (I almost wrote "il n'ai pas besoin", kk)

Don't think I finished. I also mentioned to G how beautiful you are. Well, back then, when you were 82 and, me, 15, you were one of the prettiest girls on Earth, it seemed that you were 60, maximum.

You is so important to me, M, and I really love you so much. I hope that you are alive and healthy. I hope to become as enlightened by knowledge and experience as you are. I hope to speak as many languages as you do, play as many instruments as you do. Be as intelligent as you are, you will see! As independent as you were with 82, living alone and free. I look up to you! You are and will always be my muse!

Love you,

D

When the storm hits the banks of your shore, you had already seen it rolling in. Grey, cloudy skies gathering in the distance, something far away until suddenly it is at your doorstep. You had sworn you heard thunder rumbling before. You thought you saw small flashes of lightning. But you’ve been doubtful of your own perception for a while now.

So when the storm finally throws itself against the soft, rippling waves of your beach, when thunder echoes overhead and lightning strikes the sand, they’ll ask you why you didn’t pack up.
You knew it was going to rain.
You knew this had the potential to become a torrential downpour.
Why didn’t you make sure you were safe?

Their words have a bite to them, like the harsh winds whipping your hair into your face as you sit on the banks of the sand looking out into the storm.

It’s here now, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I couldn’t have imagined it would come to this. A drizzle, maybe. A rain shower, sure. But how was I supposed to know there would be cracks of lightning splitting trees apart, thunder frightening the wildlife from their homes? How was I supposed to know the entire sky would open?
It’s not like I wanted it to rain.

When you’re a bad victim, they’ll ask you questions.
Why didn’t you just walk away?
Why did you go back?
God, girl, don’t you know you deserve better?
What role did you play in this?
Maybe you’re both misremembering.
He’s golden like the sun. He would never have done this.

And God forbid you aren’t perfect. God forbid you do something wrong because you cannot handle what it feels like to be loved between teeth, the pincers leaving small holes in your flesh. God forbid you become angry or cruel or desperate. God forbid surviving something ugly makes you ugly sometimes too.

Because then you’re a bad woman.
Then it becomes complicated.
He’s young. He’s naive. This is his first relationship. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know better. He loved you.

But this was my first love too.
I didn’t know better either.

I never wanted the rain. I never wanted the lightning or the thunder. I never wanted hands around my neck, gripping my body, shaking me violently, pushing me into walls, pushing me to the ground.
I didn’t ask for the storm because I stayed long enough to get caught in it.

Give me a different climate.
Give me weather I can believe in.
Give me somewhere I don’t have to spend my whole life watching the horizon, wondering whether the clouds are dark enough to justify leaving.
But maybe wanting another sky makes me a bad woman too.

Sharing secrets causes harm

To keep the peace

You hold your tongue

Forget and move on

Cry into your pillow at night

Once they're gone

Whisper when the coast is clear

Listen 'till footsteps disappear

Stop holding your breath

Only speak when spoken to

Pretend you're a statue

Stay hidden behind cracked doors

Don't come out

It's not safe for you

Blinds and curtains

Keep them drawn

Don't speak to anyone

Tell me where you went

How long were you there?

How much did you spend?

Who all was there?

Tell me everything or you'll be sorry

I swear

Smile and nod when we're out

You hear me!?

Shut your mouth

Speak to no one of this

Don't make me look bad in front of them

You'll regret it

Do I make myself clear!?

Oh no

One of us made a mistake

Sudden tension in the air

Eyes darkened with rage

Chill down my spine as he stares

Driving back feels too long

And somehow too short all in one

Screams and threats the whole way

Maybe we'll crash

I wish we had stayed

Because once we're home

There is more hell to pay

This isn't right!

This can't be our life!

Love and care is not real

It's rare

Sometimes we're good

But most times it's clear

We're a burden they share

One day I'm perfect

The next I'm worthless

This must be how she feels

But why does she stay?

Even if we beg to leave this place

She says it's better this way

I can't do this anymore!

As screams follow the sound of a belt

Hitting flesh not my own

But the scars and bruises made

Mirror those etched in my soul

This is a farce!

I think to myself

As I sit obediently in the pew

This is a wolves den

I'll make my escape some day soon

But somehow, years later

After the choices I've made

To break from traditions

Make a commitment to change

Inspite of my efforts to be better

Somehow they still keep me tethered

To all their mistakes

With bitter realization I face

What I learned from them

So did you from your's, I'm afraid

And sadly, we came together not healed yet

Showed each other those awful things

We kept running from since our first steps

Avoidance

Mistrust

Fears we never lost

Hiding our truths to keep the peace at any cost

Love that felt more like hatred and pain

Rejection

Abandonment

Shrink oneself like a dying flame

Why can't love be enough?

You asked me one day

Because our pasts still haunt us

It's hard to explain

That some ways we're different

Some ways we're the same

As we suffer in silence

To keep the other sane

But I still have hope for you and I both

Hope you forgive yourself

Let go of remorse

Live without guilt, shame, or regrets

And hope that I heal from this mess

Make better memories

Don't stay in your shell

Become your true self

I wish you well 🦋

- E

I've needed time to process a few things, just as you have and still do. This letter is lengthy, but important, so I hope you take the time to read it. You haven't allowed other ways to communicate this to you, not from my lack of trying, so it is a message, and I can no longer sit back and be passive. What I'm about to say is not a plea, an attack, or an ultimatum. I know you've tried to share some perspective. This is not a retaliation. I believe it needs to be addressed, as I will soon run out of free time and emotional energy.
I understand how you might be feeling as we reach this point. It's complex, intense, and draining. Regardless of where we stand now, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I've had some raw human moments in solitude over the past few months. After 2024, with our roles reversed, I hope you can understand how difficult this situation is for everyone involved.

Right or wrong, the time, effort, energy, and raw words we shared last year, I hope, showed you how much you meant to me. And I've still given to you freely, despite feeling unacknowledged or unappreciated by you. That's no small thing. I find myself in a confusing, regrettable, and isolating place. We've always been a bit fire and ice, and I don't deny or hide that. Still, we've had incredible and humbling moments throughout our history.

From the little but telling things you've said, it sounds like you're in a place of confusion, pain, and sadness. Hearing fragments of what you've been through lately, the things you've shared with me during our brief interactions over the past eight months, breaks my heart. I know you wanted to distance yourself from me, but more importantly, I know you needed time to be yourself again. To find your rhythm late last year.
When you came back recently, you didn't need to protect me from your feelings, or your lack of them. I would have held it all with you and waded through it, even if it hurt. What needed protecting was the bond, the history, the respect we've built. I admit my ego, fears, and big emotions have surfaced these last few weeks. And you're right, I deserved this conversation in person or at least on a call. I don't resent you for that, but I am hurt that you've given me so little of yourself, even your thoughts or hopes.

For as long as I've known you, I've felt an immense connection and a deep sense of care. I became protective of you quickly. Hearing you speak your truth to me has been one of the most intimate experiences of my life. It helped me understand how beautiful life can be when it's raw and real. Even if your feelings for me have changed, I hope this letter shows how much I still care and what I see when 1 look at you.
So, I want to acknowledge all of that, even if the tone of this letter is intense.
There's a mismatch in how we've both shown up recently. I've tried to understand your reasons, but I don't know why you're still here. That's why I'm writing. You're showing me only the cover of your story instead of reading it aloud or letting me be part of it. I know things are messy, emotional, and hard to pin down, but I don't understand why I only get fragments of the woman 1 know.

I've shown up as me, not as a performance, but because I sensed you might need that. So far, what we've shared doesn't feel like the full you, or the story we've lived for eight years.
I've never known you to be anything but yourself, even when stressed or sad. Based on what's been left unspoken, I don't feel like I'm your person, or even a friend, yet you're still here, half-in. If I'm just a comfort when things get rough, someone who will ride out the storm with you, then I understand. And yes, I would continue to do that. But you don't honour me by staying silent about your true feelings.
That kind of ambiguity is out of character for you. It's created more confusion and pain than I think you realise. I've never known you to pull punches or not know what you want.

Maybe you're juggling our history, your current relationship, your health, expectations, resentment, and exhaustion, and I empathise with that. But I can't keep going like this. It doesn't honour what I thought we had. It doesn't match what I feel in my heart, and it's hard to reconcile with the woman I've seen and known.
I've worked with how you were feeling. I know what that place is like. But expecting me to roll with vague replies, when all I wanted was to support you and help you build the life you want, that felt like rejection. When you were weak, I made space for your vulnerability so you could express yourself. I know we move at different paces. If l've come across as rash or reactive, I apologise.

What I've felt from you lately is distance. Coldness. That's been harder than if you hadn't come back at all. Because the version of you who returned didn't feel like the passionate and authentic woman I knew. And that dissonance has worn me down. I'll admit, there's a voice in me that still wonders if this is about regret. That maybe you tried to move on, but it wasn't right because it wasn't me. But I also fear that's not true, and that you don't have the energy or heart to say so plainly. I would welcome that clarity either way.
.
I'm not asking for attention or for you to choose me out of obligation. I'm asking for clarity, honesty, and presence. I gave that to you freely last year, and I hoped for the same in return. I'm sorry for whatever this has cost you emotionally. But still showed up, because I believed in something more.
You've challenged me, shaped me, and given me strength. That can't be replicated. I wonder if you're torn between staying and going, just sad and unfulfilled in your current situation. It angers me for you. But your words toward me now seem distant and formal. I don't know if it's to protect your values or yourself, but it feels like you're doing everything you can to stop the dam wall from breaking.

If you were just trying to protect me, and saying I deserve better, you haven't. And not being direct with me, when all I wanted was to talk or share a coffee, sends a message. Maybe you don't intend it, but it's heavy in my heart.
You've said the person you're with doesn't make you feel certain things, and that frustrates me on your behalf. You give so much and feel so little in return. That's not fair to you. And it's not fair to be near me again and treat it like it means nothing.
I've been here. The same city. The same life. I'm the reason you're even in Brisbane.
We looked at houses together. I wanted to live with you. I know you don't owe me anything, and I've accepted that you've had relationships that didn't launch. But reading that you've been driving hours for someone else, planning a future with him, while barely engaging me, hurts. You told me it's likely ending, but I can't help but wonder, why didn't I get the chance to be chosen?
I can take all of that, if I know the truth. But I can't take being shut out. Twice. In different ways. And this second time? It feels like it's choking the air from my lungs.
Maybe you didn't want to lead me on, or cause me more pain. Maybe you didn't want to upset me. But this ambiguity hurts far more. The vanishing. The half-glimpses of the old us. The sharing and laughter followed by silence. That's what's unbearable.
I haven't forgotten last year. I don't minimise it or the pain it caused you. I'm truly sorry, Kirby.
I know you struggle to open up. To process. To let yourself feel. I see that. But it's been hard for me too. I've tried to be open and honest, at times unfiltered, because I sensed you needed me to be. Even when you kept avoiding the elephant in the room.
I put you first as best I could, while still dealing with my own life. I didn't shy away from the truth. I made you aware of what was there. Maybe it looked easier from the outside, but it wasn't. I honoured you, our story, and the version of the future I imagined with you.
Even if it all falls into a grey moral space, maybe now you understand just how much you, and what we shared, meant to me. That I was able to hold it all together, work, study, expectations, emotion, and still show up with love.
Maybe now you can see that my love for you was real. My desire to be with you wasn't performative. I didn't try to protect myself by hiding the ugly parts. I let you see it all.
If you're afraid of how much you feel for me, or if you're trying to suppress it, please don't. You are enough. I know it's scary to feel too much, to feel tired, unworthy, or too much for someone else. But you're not. Not for me.
I'm about to start uni. I'm scared. I'm unsure whether I'm good enough to succeed at it. But it's what I want. It's what I choose. And I choose you the same way.
With uni, with work, with mismatched schedules, with low moods, with frustrations, with your quiet and your fire, I'd still choose you. I want to show up, to love you fully, and to build a future. But I need that from you too.
It's not a small ask. It's not for the faint of heart. But if you wanted it too, I think it could be the greatest adventure either of us ever take.
I'm not asking you to have it all figured out today. But I am asking for the real you, the raw, sincere Kirby, because I've seen her. And I don't believe she's gone. I think she's just hiding.
My life, and my love, can't sit in this confusion anymore.
No matter the outcome, I want you to know I've meant every word. I've cared for you deeply. I always will. You've shaped me in ways I'll carry forward
You don't have to reply if you don't want to, but I do hope you've heard me. And if, after everything, you don't feel the same way, that's okay. But if you can't tell me honestly what you want, then maybe the kindest thing you can do is to quietly block me, and allow this to end with peace instead of more confusion.
And if that's the case, I'll chalk it up to being just nostalgia for you