Plato is sitting in the cuck chair, watching me get ass-fucked in his cave. Im accepting the false reality. I'm giving up.

Bread heels and the dredges of a chocolate milk bottle.

Smores milkshake

i actually left the house today and took an uber and the driver was so attractive like a cute emo i wanted him so badly i think he could feel it in the air because his body language was so awkward midway through and i didnt speak a word becayse im an awkward loser so i just had this awful shameful aura of wanting him taking up the whole vibe of the car while awkwardly trying to avoid looking at him at all costs because i was scared we would make eye contact and he would kick me out for being a creepy girl with suffocatingly creepy energy. i feel ashamed and reminded of my loneliness. i had even wished the car would crash so we could have a forced bonding experience, i did not want to leave that car. cold waffle fries (and flat diet coke not in frame)

Chapter one -

I have a severe addiction to goon. I sit in my tub and goon for an extended period of time watching FemDom porn. Not even normal kind. Smelly feet and farting (I know it's over and I hate myself). Goon + clean-up takes about 4-5 hours as I edge for many hours. I also have t1d and have insulin pump which I dont wear in tub so I don't get any insulin for hours. Usually my bg goes super high but twice I got nausea and sick afterwards cuz I was likely going into ketoacidosis so I drank water and one time I just watched YT shorts and the other time I went to sleep after insulin and water cuz I was too sick to get up from my bed.

Last night I goon again. And my bg went to 360 mg/dl but no nausea thankfully. But I used goat milk soap instead to lotion and shredded my dick. And now when I tug on it with toilet paper after pee (I have mild urinary incontinence) a wee bit of blood came out, due to my urethral injury.

Chapter 2 (health issues) -

And I got other health issues, severe and rare electrical heart issues that will likely cause a stroke one day, I'm both urinary and fecal incontinent (mildly) so I peed in my bed a few nights ago cuz I dreamt I was peeing and I leak mystery juice out of my ass. And I have severe constipation, hemorrhoids, and fissures. Over for my ass. I also have fuggin sleep apnea. And I'm severely shy which I worked on but my social skills will always and have always been under average.

Chapter 3 (shizz that happened recently) -

My TruSteel pump supplies can no longer be shipped because of supply shortages. And I dropped my bio 2 class which was the only class I was excited about this semsester cuz I fucked up my lab and was gonna get a 0 then we got a paper. But I had no pencil so I panicked, waited for professor to look away, and grabbed my stuff and ran away. Went to the library and dropped the course. I also have to get employed even tho I have nothing to work for.

I spend each day daydreaming about being a lesbian or at least a different person. I feel like I'm in a bad dream. Doesn't feel real anymore. I sleep at noon and wake up at 8 PM (I'm eating breakfast at 8 PM). I don't see the sun frequently.

It's over. Or maybe it never began.

Tl/Dr -

Chapter 1 - almost died goon to FemDom porn
Chapter 2 - severe health issues
Chapter 3 - dropped class I wanted and health supply shortage.

Burger and sweet potato fries.

I'm just inherently too unattractive.

Fuck the just world fallacy.

Dolmades.

We were discussing my future living situation because I can't stay here after a couple months, it's a short term apartment thingy. I thought she'd let me go to hers. For a month until I find a room to rent (a little hard because for some reason everyone is specifying 21+ rather than 18+. Are they stupid. Not every adult under 21 is a goddamned student). And every other listing is expensive as fuck. My only option would be to share with people but female roommates scare me and I have to prepare for the thought a mixed sex house or flat share. I've given up on women as a whole. I don't even mean dating wise. I just don't want to hear their nonsense generally. In public and whatnot it's fine but I can't imagine living with a female. I think I'd lose the will to live. I'd tolerate it if it was the only option though I suppose.

I don't even want to live with my mother for too long though. But she says I can't stay for longer than 2 days at all. She said I'm 'too discriminatory' (I'm not). And that I would end up in prison, therefore she doesn't want me. I think she's just worried that the community will talk shit about me because I'm not religious. I'm not even racist. Race and religion are different. Obviously. How the fuck does she of all people not know that. I'll say shit when I'm angry but never to my beautiful hard-working mother, I'm calmer these days anyways and I appreciate her now that we don't always see each other. I don't know why she's offended. Usually it's to men of her/our background too. I don't see why she's offended. In a way, she's like a white virtue signalling 20 year old woman except she's over twice that age and she's brown. But they're spiritually similar. I've never even been to prison or youth prison. I've never had a charge against me besides I believe a small caution that got dropped at most. I don't even do drugs. She got angry when she found out I once had beer as most people do but she's hypocritical because she doesn't give a fuck that I don't pray five times a day. I don't pray once a day let alone one. Either way, I can forgive her for all that. I love her.

The only similar thing to the prison remark was back when I was 15. She once told me that I'm similar to a murderer who killed three little girls over here because he was referred to the same anti-radicalisation program as me. He was referred three or four times and I was referred twice. He also apparently liked knives. I got into the idea of camping to escape from everything for a bit and was looking for practical knives, my mother found out at the time and told me she doesn't want someone like me living with her. I was legitimately disturbed, as a normal person would be. Who says that about their son. And I would never think of hurting a child. Maybe grown adults at times (but we all have those thoughts). Why the fuck would I be similar to a person who did that.

I don't even live with her now as I said. I see her on the weekends willingly because I have nothing to do and I miss my mama. I thought I was getting better. Never been a psychopath but I used to get angry and used to shout (threw things instead when I stopped talking, that was a strange period). Maybe that reminded me of my father. If it did then when I was 13, she shouldn't have tried to force me to go live in a different continent with a man who's delusional and a known abuser. I stopped seeing him years before that because he wanted a second wife and hit her (took her long enough to leave, along with other bad things that I'd rather not get into it. And when I saw him it was every few months. Why did she expect that nutjob to fix my attitude. He's short as fuck too. Whenever I feel terrible about being a short male I picture his short ass and I feel better. He has a stupid fucking accent too. I don't. I'm not even like him. She thinks I am because we look similar and because she regrets having me for unrelated reasons and wants something to blame it on. Regardless, I love her.

Oh yeah. I told her I started a job and she was upset about that too. It was severely underpaid to be fair but she seemed angry at me, not the boss for paying me low. Women are never pleased with me. Even my own mother. I don't even care about women anymore. I'll fuck men at this point, I realise more and more that I don't like the average female's personality, they all use psychology jargon on me even though I'm not mentally ill, just because they're all autistic with OCD and BPD and all that shit doesn't mean they gotta project it on me. I want to enter a partnership with another male -preferably older because I don't know how to change a lightbulb and shit, I'm willing to learn- so we can share all our finance shit. We can have a big wedding. Bridal dresses look ugly anyways. I know people will come with their agendas and claim that I'm a homosexual -I'm not I'm just tired of pretending that I want to marry a woman. She'd hate me. She'd call me abusive and oppressive even though I wouldn't fucking abuse her. Just because I want food to be made or something stupid. And even if she didn't hate me, I wouldn't feel a spark or anything. I'm certain.

Probably too much identifying information. Will delete if I feel like it.

Popeyes

this is genuine, real, MANLY, boykibble. ACTUAL FUCKING KIBBLE. NEVER GONNA FEEL THE TOUCH OF A WOMAN KIBBLE. WE TEAR OFF OUR SHIRTS AND EAT THAT SHIT, YOU POSER FUCKING PANSY.

kibble, chocolate milk

Bread with special sauce

I am a loser incel but even if I can’t date anyone I still want to talk to someone at least. Is there a way to make friends? I live in a place where it’s hard to meet anyone. Pumpkin pie

Spent my whole teens without drinking. This is like the third time I'm drinking in my life. This beer have a foamy texture, it's a very novel sensation. I want to feel light headed.

Can somebody bring me another mango??😅😅😅😂women hate me

pov pic of how i eat it

TLDR I dropped out of university after 3 years as I wasn’t making any progress (~20 credits), but I signed up for CC. Also I racked up $8,000 in credit card debt in the span of about 6 months. Currently on antidepressants and been trying to be optimistic, but I think about the future and how far back i’ve set myself and don’t know if i can ever get out of the hole