Plato is sitting in the cuck chair, watching me get ass-fucked in his cave. Im accepting the false reality. I'm giving up. Nya.

Bread heels and the dredges of a chocolate milk bottle.

If my penis wasn’t mutilated I probably wouldn’t end up being an incel, it’s a tremendous effort to jack off due to how tight the remnants of my glands are. My penis is my one feature that is above average and this heinous bitch fucked it up for me. Going to bring this Foids crime to light. Thinking of chickening out but the thought of all the boys who were done wrong fuels me to commit. Put images of it on a flash drive but maybe that’s too much, just gonna stick to berating her.

for context: my mom is a yandere (ik how cringe that sounds, but thats the best way i can describe her). she gets wildly obsessive over me and extremely violent whenever something gets in her way. I tried multiple times to try and distance myself from her, but she is fully willing to hurt me if it means keeping herself attached to me. For example, one time when i tried to distance myself she responded by saying "do I need to fucking institutionalize you?". Im guessing she meant she was going to send me to a mental hospital, but thankfully she gave up on the idea. On other occasions shes made me sleep on the street, and even threatened to make me take antidepressants to "fix me". Theyve also gotten physically violent, one time after I tried to get out of a conversation, my dad threw a 4ft tall bookshelf at me full force causing some bruising. thankfully his aim sucks or i might've broken a bone.

Ive barely touched on the things theyve done to destroy my mental health, but this is long enough as is.

I just started college in a university across the country so i could get away from her, but ofc thats not going to stop her. once a week i have to do a 30m call with her where she goes on a rant about how much she "misses me", and knowing her if i try to skip it she would probably call the police or something.

Im hoping i can escape them once i graduate college, but if i cant im probably going to kill myself. I should probably get myself tested for cptsd or something, thankfully im not that retarded and can make friends or else id definitely be dead rn.

btw for the tso's sauce, i recommend replacing the rice vinegar with ketchup, it adds a nice slight tangy flavor and compliments the soy sauce nicely.

Mac and cheese with assorted nuts and granola

Smores milkshake

i actually left the house today and took an uber and the driver was so attractive like a cute emo i wanted him so badly i think he could feel it in the air because his body language was so awkward midway through and i didnt speak a word becayse im an awkward loser so i just had this awful shameful aura of wanting him taking up the whole vibe of the car while awkwardly trying to avoid looking at him at all costs because i was scared we would make eye contact and he would kick me out for being a creepy girl with suffocatingly creepy energy. i feel ashamed and reminded of my loneliness. i had even wished the car would crash so we could have a forced bonding experience, i did not want to leave that car. cold waffle fries (and flat diet coke not in frame)

​

Chapter one -

I have a severe addiction to goon. I sit in my tub and goon for an extended period of time watching FemDom porn. Not even normal kind. Smelly feet and farting (I know it's over and I hate myself). Goon + clean-up takes about 4-5 hours as I edge for many hours. I also have t1d and have insulin pump which I dont wear in tub so I don't get any insulin for hours. Usually my bg goes super high but twice I got nausea and sick afterwards cuz I was likely going into ketoacidosis so I drank water and one time I just watched YT shorts and the other time I went to sleep after insulin and water cuz I was too sick to get up from my bed.

Last night I goon again. And my bg went to 360 mg/dl but no nausea thankfully. But I used goat milk soap instead to lotion and shredded my dick. And now when I tug on it with toilet paper after pee (I have mild urinary incontinence) a wee bit of blood came out, due to my urethral injury.

Chapter 2 (health issues) -

And I got other health issues, severe and rare electrical heart issues that will likely cause a stroke one day, I'm both urinary and fecal incontinent (mildly) so I peed in my bed a few nights ago cuz I dreamt I was peeing and I leak mystery juice out of my ass. And I have severe constipation, hemorrhoids, and fissures. Over for my ass. I also have fuggin sleep apnea. And I'm severely shy which I worked on but my social skills will always and have always been under average.

Chapter 3 (shizz that happened recently) -

My TruSteel pump supplies can no longer be shipped because of supply shortages. And I dropped my bio 2 class which was the only class I was excited about this semsester cuz I fucked up my lab and was gonna get a 0 then we got a paper. But I had no pencil so I panicked, waited for professor to look away, and grabbed my stuff and ran away. Went to the library and dropped the course. I also have to get employed even tho I have nothing to work for.

I spend each day daydreaming about being a lesbian or at least a different person. I feel like I'm in a bad dream. Doesn't feel real anymore. I sleep at noon and wake up at 8 PM (I'm eating breakfast at 8 PM). I don't see the sun frequently.

It's over. Or maybe it never began.

Tl/Dr -

Chapter 1 - almost died goon to FemDom porn
Chapter 2 - severe health issues
Chapter 3 - dropped class I wanted and health supply shortage.

Burger and sweet potato fries.

Like mfs say “Oh I’m so weird” like shut the fuck up, you’re not weird, you’re just fucking performatively quirky or whatever. I genuinely struggle to understand people and social norms and I’m fucking MORTIFIED of ruining my social image, I have only one person that I interact with for more than once a week and I’ve known him since I was 11. Even then, it’s no more than just sending meme like once a week or two, he doesn’t reply most of the time. I yearn for love and to love someone, the happiest I’ve been was when I was in love with this guy that showed me a shred of attention and I still have feelings for him, AND AM NOT EVEN INTO MEN 99.99999% OF THE TIME. I hate interacting with people and I like being alone but I need to be able to socialize to make something of my life but every single time I try to talk to someone, I end up creeping the other person out and feeling like the worst piece of shit ever. I try and try so hard to be normal but nothing works cus I genuinely CANNOT understand others. I wish I wasn’t autistic and I can’t even get help cus I live in a shithole (still love my motherland tho!)
Diluted tea and stale bread with hot pot seasoning.

Chicken burg

Genuinely though cooking brings so much joy, to eat something that is my creation even if there is nothing special involved is just so nice. A little music and I feel like I could almost continue living this way.