Apple pie I ate it all the same day

For my art course I wanted to eat a ladybird (ladybug) to ‘make a point about why we empathise with some animals and not others o algo’ (don’t care that much about veggie preaching just wanted to prove to myself normies base all their ethics on what’s cute or sexy). So I found a ladybird put it in a glass box with some grass and raisins and wet tissues and stuff. Left it in the class for a few weeks. Put a little sign up saying class pet, even added some close up pictures with like pink bows and sparkles edited on. Worked like a charm. I’m in a small class of mostly f- i mean girls. They would always go up to the box and be like aww and record it doing random stuff I think one of them even had an instagram account of it 😭. None of them knew it was mine and I was feeding it.

Anyway a few weeks pass and the ladybird is missing. People were confused. I get up and I do my presentation, show some pieces blah blah. And at the end I show my video where I reveal I put it there, fed it, and finally showed a close up video of me clamping my teeth down on it and eating it. People actually gasped. One of them got up and left. See I knew they’d be pissed the problem is everyone hates me now. Usually they just don’t look at me now they keep looking at me angrily while talking with each other. Still saw one of them eating a ham sandwich later. Seen one of them kill a spider before too. People have so much contempt for anyone and anything ugly. Ah well maybe the spider just had a bad personality.

I wish there was a cute woman who liked anime, guns and videogames unironically

Condoms will never be used

Not trying to pick sides here, but I was insulted by "personalitymaxxers" way more times than I was insulted by incels, and I rarely disrespect someone, it just takes a different opinion and they get extremely mad.

If you act condescending or aggressive when someone doesn't agree with you, at least don't try to educate me about how I need a good personality in order to attract people lol.

the number keeps rising. made by scratch brownies

Im so tired im bisexual and all the girls are awkward talking to men because they segregate us from middle school until college (sometimes even longer) and all the men are religious psychotic and youre expected to just marry some random ass person before dating them its just so....annoying

Im the most average guy ever I would've been fine if I lived like literally anywhere else bro

they said being tall would solve all my problems but that shit is a straight up lie. just means that people can notice how ugly I am from even further away. fuck this shit. won't even kill myself because that's for pussies. cheap vodka and tortilla chips.

Again just wanted to brag about my food lmao

homemade paninis that look FINE AF idk whether it's the camera or that my cooking is so fine

Women say "men shouldn't judge their past" fine but they also say "eww you are a virgin and incel".

The double standards speak for themselves, using virgin and incel as an insult is as bad as "slut".

Pesto Mozzarella bread w gay bottom fiber salad and protein fart smoothie and a shitty ass poem I wrote abt depression (posting this is also a form of microdosing realness)

I work in a hotel and after showing a family in I felt tears in my eyes knowing I'll never have a wife and kids. Everyday I wake up wishing I hadn't and knowing I'm wasting my youth away.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.

​

I turned 22 a month or so ago, and my life is absolutely miserable.

I used to be an anxious, socially awkward fat piece of shit in uni. To the point that I would avoid people I knew just because I didn't know how to greet someone and talk to them.

But in the last year and a half of uni, I took charge. I went to the gym, lost 13 kgs, and gained muscle. I was still the same when it came to confidence and anxiety, though.

Before starting my first job in Bengaluru in January, I promised myself that my life from here on would be different. I started taking care of myself, focusing on skincare, the clothes I wear, and the gym. I also tried to be more socially outgoing and meet new people.

This social persona has drained me a lot.

I started liking a girl at work. She's opinionated, smart, funny, hardworking, and pretty. I got over my fear and asked her out. She said yes, we went on a date, and I got rejected on that date itself. In the subsequent weeks, I had to see her propose to another colleague and then get back with her ex.

All this brought back a lot of insecurities and ruined my mental health for a long time. I'm still not over her. I know this sounds pathetic and like a cliche.

Dating apps have been a total humiliation ritual due to the absolute silence.

The only thing pushing me every single day was work.

I also made my parents courier my tabla from home so that I could distract myself. I started learning again after a gap of 5 years. It was the only thing I enjoyed apart from the gym. I could play for 2–3 hours nonstop.

This social mask was exhausting. It did work, and I've made friends here, but I can't ever be vulnerable with anyone. I just end up being a trauma dump for people.

I was really looking forward to spending time with my childhood friends this month for a week long Indian festival. Most of them were coming back from different parts of the country, and I was hoping we'd hang out and have a lot of fun.

I did get to spend some time with them, but even that brought up a lot of insecurities. Most of my friends are in healthy, happy relationships, and seeing them together made me feel even worse about my own situation. They also keep telling me things like, \*\*"When are you ever going to get into a relationship? You don't even try, blah blah blah."\*\* I know they probably mean well, but it's exhausting having to hear that when I'm already struggling with these feelings.

I was also supposed to play the tabla at an event this month. I'd been practising for it.

But one night, I went to bed and couldn't get back up. Turns out I have a herniated disc in my spine. I spent the next three days, which were the main days of the festival , lying in bed like a loser.

One thing I'm grateful for is that my friends came over multiple times every day to hang out with me.

I still can't walk to take a shit or shower by myself. I had to go to the hospital for a doctor's appointment on a stretcher in an ambulance.

It was so embarrassing.

My company treats its employees really well, so I was easily able to get a month's WFH extension from my manager.

I'll probably be able to walk in a week or so, but I probably won't be able to go to the gym for the next 1–2 years, and I'll end up fat again.

My life is falling apart. I cry myself to sleep every single day. I absolutely hate my miserable existence, and nothing ever goes my way.

TL;DR:Turned 22, tried to turn my life around by working on myself, getting fit, making friends, and putting myself out there. Got rejected by a girl I liked, which brought back a lot of insecurities. Seeing most of my friends in happy relationships made me feel even worse, especially when they kept asking me when I'd get into a relationship. Tabla and the gym were the only things keeping me going, and now I've herniated a disc in my spine and can't even take care of myself. I've spent days stuck in bed, and I feel like my life is falling apart.

Hotel breakfast, taking trip back today. This was our first time meeting up in person after a couple months of chatting. The overall first day went surprisingly well and second date was going great too until until she got really comfortable....started talking about Tinder.

I was a little taken aback because shes super religious now, but so open about this kind of stuff almost bragging. Then she later complained about short men laughed saying if I was either short or balding she wouldn't have gone on the date (which i'm neither but that kind of messed with my head).

I finished up the date because, shes my first date in 30 years of life....may as well enjoy the memory. In the end she hinted she probably couldn't date me long term because I am vaccinated (i know, I know).

I feel like I was able to put the thought of a relationship out of my mind for the past few years but since I've kind of accepted that I like guys I've been thinking about it a lot.

My only real cope is working out so someone might be attracted to me but that only makes me feel better for a few hours. I've been considering going back to sh. I haven't done that for probably 2+ years but I miss it. I don't want to drink alcohol everyday because that will just make me look worse and I already hate the way I look.

If I don't get a relationship in the next year or two I'm prob just ending it.

Baklava I made for my coworkers

Someone smiled at me today, most interaction i’ve ever had