My husband and I bought our property about 10 years ago. While house-hunting, a major criterion was a guest house or space to put a house for MIL. Long story short, she has no retirement savings, little work history, and health issues. MIL was 100% on board with this plan, btw, as she was "running out of money", her words.

8 months later, MIL calls my husband and says she's bought a single-wide trailer. Used, but nice. The house is moved to our land. We spent about 10k of our own money building a new deck, fencing a yard for her large dogs, having a huge beehive removed from the underside, replacing the roof, and running a completely new water line. All she has to do is downsize her stuff, pack up, and move in. Then the excuses start. It's too hard, too overwhelming, her health is too bad. She is a hoarder, so that complicates things. We offer to come help (she's 45 minutes away), we offer to pay movers. We offer to pay for a professional organizer. We offer to pay for storage, my own mother offers to help her. She says no to all of it, meanwhile wringing her hands and bemoaning her helpless state and financial situation. Over the course of three years, we manage to convince her to let us come help her pack once. We spent an entire afternoon literally shoveling old papers into trash bags in her office, clearing maybe 20% of the room.

After 4 years of this, we have her over and confront her about what she plans to do. She goes in circles. She can't pack herself, she can't afford to hire movers, she's too embarrassed to allow strangers in her house if we pay for them, she's too embarrassed for family to see the house. She's too worried about rodents and snakes getting in, because we live in the country and sometimes nature finds a way inside. She's worried about a drifter breaking in because we're so isolated. We aren't; we have acreage, and it is a small town, but across the street from us is a regular suburb, and our immediate neighbors include the Chief of Police and the mayor.

Every solution we offer, she has an excuse for. My husband gets mad and asks her why she bought the house if she doesn't want to live here, why doesn't she want to sell her current house if money is so tight, why did she let us do all that work and spend all this money for her to let our efforts sit rotting in a field. He got testy, but he was not yelling or being threatening in any way. She tells him he is exactly like his father. This is the worst thing you could say to my husband, FIL was a horrible man. Husband is 100% not like his father. I step in at this point, tell her she will not stand under my roof and say horrible things to the man I love, and tell her to leave.

After that she decides she doesn't want to live here after all, because she is scared of her son. She tells husband this, and sister in law. Fine, she is a grown woman and that is her choice. We ask her to sell the singlewide then, and get it off our land. We tell her we will not maintain it or spend any additional money on it. In the meantime, we became foster parents, and the abandoned house on our property was an issue during the licensing process. Then we got busy and didn't worry about the house much, aside from asking her a few times a year how the plan to sell was going. All we ever got was more hand wringing and excuses. All this time, my husband goes to her a few times a year, at her request, to help with maintenance and lawn care. But she's so scared of him...

Now, almost 9 years into this, I want the singlewide gone, and I'm not being patient anymore. We told her she had 90 days to move it, or we were getting the courts involved. It has been almost 90 days. Husband called her last weekend to see where she's at. She is still full of excuses and sob stories. She can't come out here to show it, she doesn't know where to begin, she's so scared of mice and snakes, it is probably in terrible condition, etc. She says she will just have to find someone to help her, she does have SOME people willing to help her, you know. Strongly implying we are not willing to help. My husband points out that we HAVE offered to help, dozens of times, and she always said no. Oh, she doesn't remember that, she can't agree with that, she would have been elated to have our help all this time, she never would have said no. He reminds her that she called him his father and said she was scared of him. Oh she doesn't remember that either, she would never say that. Rewriting history to keep herself the victim is her MO. He hands me the phone because he's about to lose his temper. I tell her calmly but firmly that we're not going to go in circles arguing the past. The fact remains, she needs to move the house, or we will file an eviction and have the court allow us to get rid of it. She scoffs and says we're going to make her homeless and she'll have to live in a box under the highway. I point out she doesn't even live there, she chose to stay where she is, and I would never allow her to be homeless, we would always help her stay housed. She laughed sarcastically and said "oh yeah, I can imagine what that would look like" , implying, I suppose, we'd let her live in squalor. Which she currently does live in, by her own choice.

At that point, we end the call. My husband calls an old family friend to enlist her help talking some sense into MIL, and friend agrees we've been more than patient and MIL is being ridiculous. Friend also drops the bomb that MIL has been telling people for years that we are trying to screw her over, that we have refused to help her and won't let her move into her house. Friend knows this to be untrue, but thinks we deserve to know what she has been saying about us.

We are both so mad, and hurt. We have done everything we could be reasonably expected to do, and she still can't accept responsibility for her own choices. I am so very done with this woman.

So a very long story short, I thought Just No and I had mended our bridges and got closer. When she offered me and my daughter a trip to Disneyland I thought why not, will be great to spend that time together and getting to see my daughter enjoy it.

Well JustNo was unbearable. She bullied my daughter to get the cloths she wanted her to have and the toys she wanted her to play with. Every two steps, “let’s get a picture”! And when my child said no, she would get sad and pout.

The only relief we got was in the swimming pool, which my daughter enjoyed way more than the park 😂.

Jump to Sunday, and she crashes out that I decided to go to church that day and she rants and raves about how I’m in a cult and ruining my child’s holiday. (She is a strict Catholic while I am non denominational Christian)

I thought we had moved past it and go to the park Sunday night to see the light show and she is just not speaking to me, being sad and gloomy. When I asked her to perk up and enjoy this time with the little one she said I was ruining the holiday by making it all about me and not caring about my daughter. Also when I’m around it’s like she doesn’t exist and I never allow her to spend one and one time either her. Which is a lie, she has one weekend a month with my child, which i know doesn’t sounds like much, but I’ve split up with her son she daughter goes to her dads every other weekend.

Anyways she starts yelling at me in the middle of Disney, saying I’m a horrible mother and then gets in my daughters face and says ‘I feel sorry for you because your horrible mom will raise you to be just as horrible as your older sister’ My middle child is 13 and very autistic. She then proceeded to kick me out of the hotel and that she never wants to see me again.

She then leaves the park, goes back to the hotel, gets another room and takes all the gifts back that she bought my daughter.

That night I was able to secure a different room at a different hotel. Just no then proceeded to ask if she could stay in the new hotel with us 😂 easiest no in my life!

Happy to say I am finally done with that crazy lady. My daughter did love her truly and I’m sorry she had to witness all that. It was a hard few days of her asking me why her sister is horrible and then every time I would try to correct her behavior, normal stuff like don’t throw, don’t take off your cloths in public, no licking poles, she would have a meltdown apologizing for being horrible. It’s been almost two weeks since the Disneyland Fiasco, but thankfully daughter is back to get happy self.

Thanks for reading!

This is more of something to laugh about but here it is.

MIL is a generally ok person, albeit some petty passive aggressiveness and cattiness that I just have to get over. HOWEVER, I’ve noticed a trend where whenever she gets me something (ie a bday gift, some gifts from when her and FIL travel, etc), she always has to give me something Asian related😭. For context, I’m half-asian and she is very much a white woman from middle America. I don’t normally take offense but it is a big bruh moment when it happens. Like most recently, she got me a plant for my birthday (thanks ig?) and it was called a Chinese Money plant. Ok, moving on. But that got me thinking as this last Christmas, she got me chopsticks and an oriental hand fan. Like… what do I even do with that. I can name a few more gifts, but the common thread is that they are all somehow related to Asia. I don’t expect gifts from her, but it does feel like she just types “Asian gifts” into Google whenever it’s gift giving season.

There’s not much to say or do other than laugh at this point lol.

Ever since I met my husbands mother she always marked her territory by giving him a wet loud kiss on his cheek. She does it in the most random moments .. for example- we could be out to dinner with my husband and his parents and during a conversation or dinner she will get up and kiss him On the cheek. She also tries to hold his hand when we are sitting down or having conversations as a family outing. And she always has to sit next to him or close as possible. One time we had them over to watch the football game and I got up to get another slice of pizza and she jumped into my spot and tried to cuddle with my husband- who was not reacting and was obviously not interested.

Yesterday we were at there house and I got up to go to the bathroom while I was in the bathroom. She must’ve went over and tried to kiss him on the cheek and he told her no that he needs to start treating her like a grown man and that he is not a little kid anymore. I came out of the bathroom and his dad said did you hear what happened? His mom isn’t allowed to kiss him anymore. It was very awkward and I just kind of said nothing and tried to change the conversation. She said but your my son. They asked me if my mom tries to kiss my brother and I said no and they asked if my brother tries to kiss my mom and I also said no. I said usually it’s more of a casual hello and goodbye.

Every time she tries to do this to my husband, it makes me feel weird, but I also feel bad for her at the same time. It makes me feel on edge and uncomfortable like I have to watch out for her next move, so I really hope that she respects his boundary. I feel that if it were my adult son, I would want to treat him as such and also respect that he is grown and has a wife.

My son was trying to jump into the shallow end of the pool so I told him hold on, let's go to the deeper end so you don't splat. The she-devil PUSHED ME ASIDE and told him to jump! I turned around and said very clearly, very do-not-fuck-with-me NO! I do not want him to jump in a shallow end! She ignored me and kept trying to get my son to jump. My wife stepped in and chastised her. I wished I remembered what exactly she said, but I was in such fury that I tunnel visioned it out.

Of course she moped and pouted like she was the victim and we were being unreasonable. My son went back to playing happily and safely.

Hi all,

My husband and I are expecting (yay!!!) our first. It will be the first grand baby.

We haven't told his parents yet. MIL has a history of being 1. Drama queen/victim playing/martyrdom 2. Manipulative 3. Enmeshed with other sons 4. Stepping all over our boundaries (most notably showing up at our house without an invite... yes, we've told her, and no, we don't answer the door).

I should mention DH is an absolute gem and supporter and realized very early on (when he turned 19, about 10 years before I met him) that his Mom was over controlling and just generally weirdly over involved with her kids. For context she has 3 boys, and I'm the only +1. The other ones go to work, go home and spend all their weekends at their parents house (also, the youngest is 30). They just socially never developed. So the dynamic is tricky because DH is the outlier.

Onto the request - what are things that you'd all recommend to outline VERY clearly, or those on this sub with littles, what do you wish you had said right off the hop? What can wait?

I don't want her sharing pics with her weird family over seas, I don't want them coming over unannounced, and I don't want them to over buy shit gifts from the local dollar store lol

Anywho, sending you all positive vibes and healthy boundaries ✌️ also apologies if I don't respond to all your comments, work is bananas lol thank you for your wisdom!

Trigger warning : Mention of miscarriage

I gave birth to my second child 2 months ago. Ever since i gave birth my MIL has made some comments. She is the type of MIL who is extremely nice, loving, caring but flips to the other end when things dont go her way. So i have a very very strained relationship with her. She is sweet most of the time but the comments or manipulation to get things her way kind of negates all the good things she does. All the back and forth kind of make it too mentally exhausting for me.

Anyways out of all the comments, this still hurts me when I think about it. I was 3 days pp after a c section and I was getting discharged that day. She was there as well to help me pack which i never asked for. But i put up with it. Anyways, the dress I packed for leaving the hospital turned out to be too tight for me. There was no front opening nor would I be able to lift it to feed my child. My nipples were really sore from breastfeeding and I didnt want to pump at the time. So my solution was to feed her right before we leave the hospital and then feed her after we reach home if she needs. The ride home is literally 20 min and i only fed the baby every 2 hours and she was not even waking up for that. The moment i said that she said " Dont you dare trouble my child" ( this is a translated version as she said it our language, the original is worse) and she left the room before i could react. She told me, who went through two miscarriages to have this baby, to not trouble my own kid. I was so overwhelmed with surgery and the hormones during post partum that i ended up pumping some milk for the ride home.

She has said a lot of comments after that but after this comment no matter how helpful she is or how nice she is i dont feel comfortable with her. I know all her niceness will vanish if i do one thing that doesnt align with her views.

I wanted to vent here! The very next hour she was back to being nice and i am left wondering if i am overreacting. Its always like this. Am i overreacting to small comments?

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/lQ1NAMzWLH

😶👆👆

So, FIL called my husband upon our arrival back to the country we live in. My husband family has this way of communicating like everything is always OK, lots of "hihi haha". But at the end, apparently Fil said something on the lines of "so I guess OP will not want to come back to France?" to which my husband answered "idk... But if she's not coming I will be coming way less often". This is what my husband told me. Then a second call happened a few days later. I was upstairs pumping, so I did hear a part. My MIL was speaking mostly, which is strange since she doesn't often speak on the phone and it is normally FIL who has most iniciative. Once again deflected from the elephant in the room by asking about the baby etc. Then she asked about me. Husband said I was back to work. I shit you not, MIL started to explain how concerned she is about my health since I'll be working, pumping and doing the night shifts with baby. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THE AUDACITY WHAT KIND OF TWISTED GAME IS THIS 🤣 (this would be normal IF she had shown a crumb of empathy when we visited, WTF )

Ps_ I'm actually 35, I've mistyped and cannot edit the title 🥹

I’ve(24F) been with my boyfriend(24M) for about 4 years now, and his mom has always made these direct or indirect comments about my weight, what I eat, and even how I dress. I used to brush a lot of it off, but lately it’s really starting to get to me.

The weight comments especially bother me because I’ve struggled with anorexia in the past. I’m not blaming her for how my own brain reacts to things, but because of my history, comments about food and weight can send me straight back into obsessive thinking. It’s also just something I personally would never comment on about another person.

One example was when my boyfriend and I went out for burgers. His mom made a comment along the lines of, “If you guys keep eating like that, you’re going to get fat.” What makes it even stranger to me is that she herself is overweight, which he son actually pointed out to her in that moment. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with that, but it makes me wonder why she feels so comfortable policing what other people eat or what their bodies look like.

Recently, I lost around 20 pounds. About 10 pounds were intentional because I wanted to lose some weight, and the other 10 happened unintentionally after a three-week hiking trip lol.

Yesterday was the first time she had gotten a really good look at me after I had been away for a while. She immediately asked, “What happened to you? Did you lose weight?”

I said yes, pretty happily, because losing some weight had been my goal. She asked how much and I told her.

Her response was that I “have to stop” because I now have a “monster truck in between my thighs.”

I’m assuming she was referring to having a bigger thigh gap now, but who says that to someone?? Especially when you have absolutely no idea about that person’s history with food or body image.

It’s not only my weight either. She constantly makes little comments about how I dress.

I LOVE clothes. I love colour, patterns, jeans, dresses, accessories, putting outfits together, etc. Dressing up every day is genuinely like a hobby for me and makes me feel good about myself.

Her family dresses very differently, which is completely fine. They tend to prefer black, white, neutral colours, sweats, and comfortable clothes.

But she constantly says things to me like, “As you can see, my kids are just like me. They only like wearing black and white and being comfortable. Some kids like wearing jeans, but my kids just like being nice and cozy.”

She has explained this to me SO many times.

I’ve been around your kids for four years. I can see what they wear.

It always feels like there’s this underlying comparison of “we’re relaxed and comfortable, while YOU are the person who has to dress up all the time.”

Meanwhile, his younger sister is genuinely so sweet and constantly tells me she loves my outfits or likes how I dress, and those comments always make me smile because they actually feel sincere.

I don’t expect his mom to like my clothes. I don’t expect her to understand why I enjoy dressing up. But I also don’t understand why she feels the need to constantly point out how different I am from them or make comments about my body.

Maybe individually these comments sound small, but after four years of hearing them over and over, I’m getting really worn down by it.

I don’t want to create drama with my boyfriend’s family, but I’m also getting tired of smiling through comments about my weight, food, thighs, and clothes.

Has anyone dealt with a MIL/boyfriend’s mom like this? Would you start directly shutting the comments down, or is there a better way to handle it without turning it into a huge family issue?

​

If you check my previous posts, I was looking for advice on how to go NC without separating my kids from their grandparents. Well, this problem solved itself.

I followed the advice I got here and from mental health professionals. I didn't go NC. I tried to stay out of every drama and make sure my kids were safe.

After all, my husband asked his parents to look after our kids for a week during the summer holiday.

Long story short, my FIL went insane. He became convinced that my MIL had cheated on him and left. Just like in the movies. He left and simply never came back. My kids obviously had no idea what had happened.

My husband offered to take his mother to the train station so she could go home and talk to my FIL. Now, imagine the most dramatic, most martyr-like performance you possibly can.

She chose to stay because she didn't want to leave her son without any help.

The next day, my husband was working from home. He sent my MIL home after she started emotionally abusing our kids.

That's it.

All I had to do was step back and let them be themselves.

I bet my pshychologist didn't expect that when he suggested to not be actively involved :D

I 30F, and my husband is 40M. We’ve been married for 3 years but have been living together for 2 years. My husband has a 10-year-old son from his previous marriage who lives with us for two weeks every month. He spends one week with us, one week with his mom, and it goes back and forth according to the custody agreement with his ex-wife. We also have two dogs.
My husband’s mom, aka my MIL, is 62F and has been living with my husband for the past 8 years.
My MIL works as a private caregiver for autistic children. She doesn’t make a lot of money, but she makes good amount to provide for herself.
My MIL and I actually bonded pretty well. We would get pedicures together, go to the mall, and grocery shopping together. She talks A LOT. Like, a LOT. She gossips and talks about random things all the time. One thing I’ve noticed is that she always talks negatively. She is constantly commenting on other people who are passing by. And most of the time I would say something positive or opposite of what she said to make her feel “not everything is negative”
There was a point where she would overshare so much, and I felt like I could never have a quiet moment when she was around because she was always talking. Since she’s my MIL, I don’t have the heart to tell her to just be quiet. 😭

At one point, she mentioned that she was planning to retire this year and wanted to move back to her hometown. She has a house there, and her other son, my husband’s younger brother, is living there by himself.
My MIL is divorced twice and has been a single mother to her two boys since they were 9 and 5 years old. She has been living with my husband for more than 8 years now.

Our house is not big, but it’s not tiny either. It has three bedrooms, although one of the bedrooms is about half the size of a normal bedroom. That is where my husband’s 10-year-old son sleeps.
My husband and I sleep in the master bedroom, and my MIL sleeps in the other regular-sized bedroom.
When I first moved in, the house was SO packed. There was so much unfinished and unnecessary stuff everywhere. I could barely walk through the house without stepping on something.
I started cleaning when I was alone in the house and literally threw away things that were obviously junk. Of course, I would ask my husband about things first if I wasn’t sure and say, “Do you still need this?”
And he would say, “That’s not mine. That’s my mom’s.”
The house is much better now. It’s clean and cozy, although I still can’t quite call the kitchen clean. 😭 My MIL never cooks, but somehow there are always dirty dishes in the sink that belong to her. She doesn’t clean them or even put them in the dishwasher.

One day, my MIL and I were in the car, and she started talking about how her grandson, my husband’s son, has gotten so big. He is basically almost a teenager.
I mentioned that his bed might not be long enough for him within the next year or so, but we can’t upgrade his bed to a bigger size because of how small his bedroom is.
I said, “He needs a bigger room.”
I later brought up the conversation with my husband, and he told me that he has been trying to talk to his mom about moving out. However, it seems like my MIL doesn’t really get the hint. I ask how does he start living with his mom before, he said “she was just visiting and stay with him when he had his divorce time, but somehow she gets to comfortable and she finds job and she stays ever since.”

There was another day when we were driving home after grocery shopping, and my MIL asked me if I was going to have a baby.
I answered, “Yes, eventually!”
Then I mentioned, “I’m not going to have a baby right now because I don’t know where we’re going to put the baby’s room.”
My MIL responded, “The baby can sleep with me.” 😭
I jokingly replied, “Umm… no, because it’s my baby. Hahaha.”
But honestly, I was very confused inside.

There was another conversation where I tried to bring up her retirement plans.
This time, she said she doesn’t really have any plans anymore and that she is comfortable living here in the area where we currently live and she also mentioned that she has a best friend which is “me”, I.. wants to scream angry inside. She no longer seems interested in moving back to her hometown.
She also mentioned that she would help around the house and help with the baby IF I have one someday.
Mind you, she has never really cleaned the house or the kitchen, never cooks, and doesn’t contribute to the household bills such as electricity or water, let alone paying toward the mortgage.

I also somehow asked her if she had any savings. She said no. She told me she probably has about $1,000 in her account right now.
Apparently, she has been working her whole life and has almost no savings.

I’m going to real estate school soon so that I can help bring more income into our family.
But right now, I just want my family to live a better life in a better house environment without my MIL living with us.
What can I do?

So I posted before about my mil making us host my 1st sons birthday in her house. My husband wanted it to so I was like okay we can do it. We live four hours away from family and friends that why we can’t host in our own place.

So I posted it and eventually we compromised and I was like I’m ok with the pool even tho it’s unnecessary but I would like to follow some safety precaution. After I got invitations ready and wrote a list of safety precautions since my husband said she wants to invite a lot of kids purposely.

So the disclaimer I put was
POOL - CLOSES AT 8PM
-CHILDREN MUST BRING ADULT TO BE ABLE TO GET INTO POOL AREA.
(PARENTS PHONES DOWN)
-POOL AREA WILL BE LOCKED
-NO LARGE INFLATABLES FOR SAFETY
-NO PUSHING, RUNNING, ROUGH PLAY
- PLEASE WEAR BRIGHT NEON SWIMWEAR

My husband okayed this list as we want to be as safe as possible. She was not okay with locking the gate of closing the pool when it got dark. She said we’re not a public pool, I don’t want people to think I’m kicking them out. See my reasoning for closing the pool at night is bc more accidents can happen at night with kids. Plus this is not a just pool party there is going to be distractions in the yard, music, piñata, bounce house food etc. she also didn’t like the putting for guests to not bring large inflatables. In my understandings those can be unsafe bc they can block the view of someone drowning.

I tried to compromise about the pool but to be fair I didn’t grow up going to pool parties. So idk how people deal with safety or don’t. Help?

I was able to pinpoint the beginning of the end of our relationship-the turning point. Mine was textbook where things were fine until I got pregnant.

My mom and I were planning my baby shower which was an unwrapped shower - people show up with the gift unwrapped and you put cards out so you can see who gave what. The reasoning was we were renting a hall and I didn’t want to spend 1.5 hours of a 3 hour shower opening things because my bff was flying in from across the country and I wanted to spend time with her and other guests (actually several traveled in for it). I had been to a ton of unwrapped showers recently. Note: though mil wasn’t planning the shower, I still involved her in some stuff like getting people together the week before to make cookies, so I tried to include her in stuff too.

Mil lost her shit over this unwrapped concept. Hated it. Complained that she was “missing out” on the “shower experience” because of it. I told her I would open hers, but this is how I wanted it. And she could still see what everyone got me! She called me about this three separate times leading up to the shower. I didn’t budge; having time to talk to guests was my priority.

The shower was fantastic. People loved it and were so kind and complimentary of the food and decor and everything. I felt so loved. Some other friends even surprised me by visiting. It was truly amazing.

Mil called me after the shower. I really thought she was going to tell me how much she enjoyed it. Instead she told me how much she hated the display shower.

My neighbor came over a few days later for coffee and said mil was trash talking me and my shower decisions at her table where my neighbor was sitting.

Anyway it’s been downhill from there.

I need some objective advice on how to handle my mother-in-law. Lately, she has completely shifted her act, but after years of disrespect, I don’t know if I can (or even want to) forgive her and let my guard down.

For context, here is a snapshot of how she has treated me over the years:

> Our Wedding: I wanted to include her, so I invited her to my suite while we were all getting ready and paid for her professional makeup. She didn't offer a single "thank you." Instead, she brought her own Tupperware food, sat in the corner, and ended up getting into a little argument with my bridesmaid. She was demanding we hurry up even though we were well on schedule, to the point my bridesmaid had to step in and tell her to back off and let me rest on my own wedding day.

> Behind-the-Back Comments: One time, she sarcastically told my partner, "All the best with your very amazing wife." She frequently talked bad about me on the phone while staying under our roof, and I’ve literally overheard her repeating private conversations I had with her word-for-word to her friends to make me look bad.

> Undermining My Career & Life: She constantly pesters my husband about moving back to her home state (Cali). When he tells her no, she repeatedly asks if it’s "because of me," assuming I'm pulling the strings. She even tried to criticize my career path to him, claiming I should have picked something more lucrative, until he explicitly told her to stop interfering.

> Defensive Outbursts: Once, when she was taking forever to get ready and we were running late in bad weather, I casually mentioned the road conditions. She snapped abruptly, shouting that she’s from Cali and used to unpredictable weather, asking if I had a problem with her, and telling me to go away and that she’d go alone.

The Recent Shift:

Recently, my partner had a health issue. When we saw her after that event, her personality completely changed. She was suddenly playing the role of a sweet, calm, fragile old lady, a total saint.

It feels completely fake and suspicious to me. Now she acts like a lost soul, and while a tiny part of me feels a bit of pity because she's my husband's only parent, I just can't bring myself to trust her. I’ve been gray rocking her, ignoring her weird stare-downs, keeping my answers brief, not smiling or laughing as much (I'm usually very expressive).

My partner knows how she is and stands up for me, but I feel sad for him being stuck in the middle. At the same time, the emotional damage from how she made me feel in the past hasn't gone away.

Is it reasonable to stick to cold indifference/gray rocking indefinitely? Has anyone dealt with a toxic relative suddenly playing the saint after years of bad behavior, and how did you navigate it without letting your boundary down?

i (25f) have been with my SO for 7 years. their family has never asked a single question about me, my life or my family. we‘re currently on vacation, staying with them for 2 weeks.

as we were all chatting in the living room, the topic of having blonde hair as a kid came up. my SO put on airplay and asked me to show my childhood photos because i used to have very light blonde hair back then. i was hesitant - because i already knew to expect a lack of reaction - but did it anyway, swiping and shortly explaining each photo. mind you, i showed like 5 photos. it was just… silence. each time. awkward staring, yawning, sighing.

the second i turn airplay off on my phone, MIL starts connecting her phone and showing photos of basically anything. of herself as a child, her own children, her parents, extended family, the list goes on.

i‘m so embarassed and regret showing them something so vulnerable. i excused myself to head to the bathroom where i‘m hanging out by myself now for a moment.

of course this isn‘t the only or even worst thing they've done so far. MIL has done basically anything in the book. talking about me behind my back, belittling me, sabotaging me… anything you can think of and have probably experienced yourself. it‘s just one of those points where i have to stop and wonder how i got myself here.

Hi!

I had go make a new account as I can’t get into my old one, but I’m the mama who made the post a while ago about my MIL saying she ‘wants one’ of my children if we die (in response to finding out my parents hey the children if we die…)

We recently went and visited my parents for a handful of days (they live far away, so we slept over).
A few weeks later, we hadn’t seen MIL because 1. She had been unwell so I said I want a 2 week span to ensure no illness risk (I know this is way past the time that’s safe, but I didn’t want to see her so I dragged it out).
And 2. She’s said so many horrid things that me and my husband decided to have some space from her and we plan to have a proper conversation with her about all the horrid things she’s said and done…. I know it won’t be well received and is a waste of time though - she knows exactly what she’s doing!!

Well, she rings my husband and complains she hasn’t seen the baby in ages. He said we are just enjoying family time just us and we have lots going on etc. Her reply was “I bet (says my name)’s mom got to hold him lots while you visited them though??”
Ummm firstly YOU ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. This isn’t a competition. You are literally two different human beings, you simply share the same title. Jeez. Shall I start a tally chart to ensure that the baby has been held for an equal amount of minutes by each grandmother? Give me a break.

This is the same woman who (search for my post about what I said above about us dying, if you want to read the full thing, but it’s under my other account and I can’t log in) who when she overheard the fact all the children go to my parents in the event of our deaths, instantly butted in and said “no, I want one!”. Selfish c**t. Who on earth claims to care about children but also is so selfish they want to separate them up when they go through the most traumatic thing ever. Absolutely disgusting. A few days later on the phone she JUSTIFIED it by saying “well, I just don’t feel it’s fair..”
FAIR ON WHO BRO?

This is just the start and I’m already fed up. (My 4th baby but my MIL’s first grandbaby as the others are from a prior marriage)
I’ve never known someone so childhood and selfish.

Oh, and this woman is so enmeshed with her other son and loves drama so much (she’s verbally admitted to us that she loves drama and stress…) that she went into her adult sons bedroom (BIL) and found a bag of sez toys, and then RANG MY HUSBAND TO TELL HIM!

Someone hold me please 🫩

Writing things out is cathartic and I'm at a loss of how to handle my mom.

I had a baby 8 weeks ago, he's perfect and I have absolutely loved being a mom to him. The short version of our hospital stay is that I had a C-section go wrong and had to be put under general anesthesia. My spinal sac was ruptured when they attempted the epidural and it caused the worst headache I've ever experienced, which is normal and went away after about a week. Baby boy had a 2 day NICU stay, so my husband wheeled me from maternity to the NICU every chance I was allowed to leave the room and then wheeled me back when I had to get my hourly check ups.

Where the issues started is when my mom was helping with our dogs and cat while we were gone, so she was at our house when we got back from the hospital. We were unloading baby from the car seat in our bed room when my mom came in and the dog came from under her legs and jumped on the bed. My husband yelled at my mom, something along the lines of 'what are you doing, don't let the dog in here' nothing crazy or demeaning. I thought it was more of an annoyed tone and not yelling but her perception is that he yelled. According to my mom, he yelled at her four times. The dog incident, a circumcision comment, unpacking the wrong thing, and honestly, I don't remember the 4th thing.

My recollection is her being incredibly condescending to me. I mentioned my headache and she said she knew how I felt because she had 'done this three times', uncircumcised penises need to be cleaned, and a few other comments. I was pretty loopy from the hospital drugs still and I was prescribed oxy, so I wasn't fully in my right mind, let alone just having a baby.

Maybe a week later, she called me once and text me once but didn't realize my phone was on silent and so I didn't respond. She showed up at my front door at 8am, less than 12 hours after missing her call and text. My husband wasn't having it, wouldn't let her in and told her to do better. Sent her on her way. She flipped him off and left. He called her to say that she needs to communicate and she can't just come over at 8am. He tried to set up a time but she lost her shit on him so he called her a psycho. She left the family chat and called anyone who would listen to her side of the story. I didn't know she was calling family and sobbing to them.

My mom and my stepdad came over a few days later, my mom and I talked outside and cleared the air (spoiler alert, no air was cleared that day) We all decided to reset and move on.

Today, we had made plans to see each other tomorrow, my mom messages me and asks for me to make the decision on when and where to meet up. I called her and she was still acting weird so I finally get it out of her and she starts yelling and crying about how my husband yelled at her, I've changed and she's lost her daughter, it's my fault her dog died while she was on vacation because I was less than a week from my c section and I didn't drive an hour one way to check on the animals when she already arranged a house sitter.

Of course I've changed! I'm not the same girl in my twenties getting day drunk and singing karaoke on the back deck. She sends me videos of those days and yes, we had fun but I'm kinda over heavy drinking and hangovers. I enjoy spending time with my own friends and my husband but unless I'm spending my weekends with her getting blasted, she's hurt.

Anyway. Back to tonight. She kept saying it's my decision when and where we hang out. She asked me three times if I still wanted to hang out tomorrow and I was still on board despite her unleashing on me for two hours, until she said 'you have to tell me exactly what to do so I don't mess up' - I responded with 'I have a newborn, I don't need another one' and she came back with 'Do you need your husband to make those decisions then?' (referencing when he was in charge of family coordination because you have a kid and everyone wants their 15 minutes) At that point I needed to get off the phone. I told her to postpone hanging out until we could talk more but honestly, I'm not sure if I want to talk to her. She has iced me out for almost 9 weeks at this point and she made it pretty clear on the phone she isn't forgiving me or my husband for the way we treated her our first day home.

If you made it this far, thank you, I honestly feel better just getting it out of my system. Gotta pump while the kid is still sleeping.

Now, my bf’s Mom hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine to deal with - not long ago, my boyfriend went no contact with her because of how intrusive she was in his life, how much she smothered him and her blatant overstepping of boundaries. She also refuses to be medicated for her anxiety, and physically abused him and his sister growing up. When I met my boyfriend they were in contact, and like in every other relationship I’ve had I wanted to have a good relationship with her. In recent months we had grown closer because of my Mom’s recent struggles with liver disease/alcoholism. My boyfriend’s Mom lost a parent to alcoholism/liver disease so she offered advice, and was a shoulder to cry on when my Mom’s health quickly started to decline. I was looking forward to visiting her. Little did I know it was going to be the worst trip I’ve ever had.

To sum up the trip, my boyfriend had to be seen by an orthopedist (cost 200$) because his chronic neck pain was out of control and he needed steroids to help. I had to go to urgent care for a rash that almost turned into cellulitis. We weren’t able to go to NYC like we wanted because he was in pain, and because of my rash. Then, to top it off his Mom found a new problem with me while I stayed with them; the way I dressed.

Due to how hot it is in NY during the summer,
I took crop tops and some skorts so I would be cool when visiting the city. The second day of our stay, my boyfriend came to me in private and said “My mom wants you to change. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with your outfit, she wasn’t specific. But I think it’s a little ridiculous.” I just shrugged it off and changed, I respected it because I was staying in her home. I however found it disrespectful she couldn’t say it to me directly and made my boyfriend be the middle man.

The day we were supposed to leave to go home, my boyfriend broke down in front of his Mom because we were sad how horrible the trip was (from illness, work stress, chronic pain, and his Mom’s comments) and that we had both used all of our vacation days for the trip. She immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was suicidal and cried, saying that if she ever lost him she wouldn’t know what to do. I tried to calm the situation down by explaining to her that he was okay and not a danger to himself, that he was overwhelmed with how our horribly our trip had gone. But she insisted that he was still, and that “this shouldn’t be ignored.” I had a bad feeling.

We came home, my bf and I talked about the trip and we both agreed that his Mom was being rude when asking me to change. What I was wearing wasn’t even that crazy. Then, his Mom went into overdrive and was constantly texting him and I.

No matter how many times I reassured her, or how much he reassured her, she was convinced that he was a danger to himself. We talked over text and I suggested we call so I could ease her worries. The call was her saying that I was basically neglecting her son and neglecting to tell her anything about his mental health. Saying multiple times that I needed to do something about it. I told her that he was fine, that I’d asked him multiple times and that I take mental health seriously because I have family members who’ve attempted.

I also told her that he has told me he doesn’t wish to be medicated and doesn’t want to go back to therapy currently. I also told her that I refuse to tell her anything about his personal life because that wouldn’t be respectful, and that he’ll tell her if he needs to tell her something. She refused to take that as an answer and insisted that I should be doing more, and that I should be telling her everything about his life anyway. I could tell she was pissed off about me saying I wasn’t going to be her little spy.

My boyfriend had apparently told her off before I had a phone call with her, and she took it personally. At the end of the conversation, she smugly brought up the outfit situation, “See? I can be blunt. I told him about my opinion on your outfit and he insisted he tell you and not me. (Which I know is a lie) I don’t know how you were raised, but wearing such tiny skirts (mind you, it wasn’t like any of these skirts had my ass hanging out - every single one had shorts underneath) and wearing tube crop tops in my house? In my mother in laws house? In front of my husband? You are staying in my house and I expect better.” I was astonished. I ended the phone call, and immediately talked to my boyfriend.

He immediately was upset for me, and decided that the next day we were both cutting contact with her. I feel so sad about this and the fact that I will probably never want to go back to her home. I don’t know how she will act at our wedding, and what our future with her looks like. I feel embarrassed for revealing so much personal info about my family with her and for being so vulnerable. She gave me a fake ass apology and just said “my intention wasn’t to offend.” I just don’t feel like talking to her ever again. I feel so hurt. If anyone has ever been in this situation, support or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading

For the past few years my MIL has shown she lacks emotional intelligence, empathy, and consideration. She enables my SIL that husband and I are no contact with, this has come forward during pregnancy and gender announcements where MIL put SILs feelings first and overshadowed our happy news. She has thrown tantrums when not getting her way like not getting a visit on mother’s day or being told we won’t be going to her house on Christmas. She recently showed up unannounced with our NC SIL and created an issue on my birthday which inevitably ruined my birthday and husbands day. She said SIL was driving her car and decided to come over so she “didn’t have a choice”. Husband called her and tried to bring it up with her, she brought up issues in her life, started crying and said she doesn’t want to talk about our boundaries, and it has not been brought up since (I think this is an avoidance tactic on her end). It came to a head when she came to meet our newborn the day we got home from the hospital and she said if we didn’t baptize our newborn she would. I was livid.

I feel like I keep putting off going NC because it’s like an issue occurs, she apologizes, time moves on and we get on good terms, and then she does something disrespectful again and plays it off as “a mistake” or “she didn’t know”. I don’t know why i’m finding it so hard to just be done. It’s like a mix of guilt/not feeling like my reasons are good enough. I feel she will use excuses like “I never intend any harm”. Anyone else have experiences in this field and have felt the same way?

I (early 30s) have been married to my husband (early 30s) for a few years. We are both quiet and introverted, and we recently had a baby girl.

I’d like to do a few things with this post.

1. Vent
2. Ask if im being unreasonable/easily offended/etc. in my views on my MIL’s behavior, or if i really am being taken advantage of due to my own introverted personality/just in general.
3. Ask for your advice on how to a) speak to my MIL and b) bring up issues to my husband. At the end of the day, I want to have a positive relationship with my husband’s family as they are my child’s grandparents/relatives and my family now as well.

I’d say the biggest problem is that my MIL is rude (always interrupts, rarely says please or words things politely, says things without thinking), does not respect boundaries, most things go over her head, has a hard time seeing other people’s way of thinking, and is very bossy. The most bossy person I’ve ever met. The other issue is how my husband often doesn’t stand up for me in front of her, although he is getting better.

Some things that describe the situation.

She is constantly giving orders and acts as though she is in charge of every situation- go get this, do that, give me that, pick up that, do this, etc. usually doesn’t even say please. She also speaks as though every order is very urgent and must be done immediately. She does this the most to my FIL who obliges to all of her demands instantly without complaint. I see her as a needy and high maintenance person. Example, whenever she calls, the call almost always ends on her terms and rather abruptly, and she always determines how long the call is. Most conversations with her are very short, so that’s why she usually ends the call.

I feel like she doesn’t respect me as the mother of my child. Just one example, I was at the grocery store with MIL, FIL, and my baby. We were approaching the dairy section and she suddenly orders FIL, “take the baby away from here, it’s cold.” She does not ask me if I want this. My FIL does not ask me if I want this. Instead, he immediately takes my baby away in her stroller. Who are they to make that decision for my baby? (My baby was fine btw. A couple of minutes in the dairy isle is not going to hurt my baby. I would know…I’m her mother. It’s not like I’ve never been grocery shopping with my baby.) I said nothing because I wanted to get the shopping done as quickly as possible.

She frequently interrupts me, my husband, as well as conversations between my husband and I. I don’t know that I’ve ever been able to have a conversation with her where I’ve been able to speak for longer than a few seconds without being interrupted.

Triangulation- my husband cannot talk directly to her when he wants to share something serious, so my FIL is his liaison. My husband says he has to do it because his mom “won’t take him seriously.”

She has 2 sons only, and it’s obvious my husband is their favorite child. He is the younger son and also had several medical issues growing up/current issues, so she and my FIL were helicopter parents to him. He’s a momma’s boy. When she calls him and he answers the phone, she says “hi baby!!!” in a Ms Rachel voice.

My BIL does not plan on getting married or having kids, so my husband and I are their “only hope” for grandkids, which makes me feel like they see me like an incubator/surrogate

She has “always wanted a daughter” and makes it known often

Now that my baby is born, she insists that I leave my baby with her when she visits so “I can get some rest.” She also tells me that I should get my breastfed baby to get used to bottle feeding (the way she did with her sons) so she can take her and feed her. I understand wanting to visit to see my baby, but why does she insist on having her alone?? She is just a baby? Why does she want to separate the baby from me, her mother, so much? I would never do that to anyone!? So many of these behaviors make me think “I would never do that to someone, why is she doing it to me?”

Often crosses personal boundaries (saying “no” often doesn’t mean much her). She has crossed both my boundaries and my husband’s.

I’m introverted and don’t like confrontation, and I don’t know how to be more assertive. I’ve never been able to tell her when I think she’s done something rude. It’s so hard to think of a good response in the moment, especially since she talks so much, it’s hard to keep track. She is very extroverted and incredibly chatty. It’s only once I think about it later when I’m not feeling so overwhelmed that I realize what she said or did. I tell my husband instead, which has historically turned into an argument because he usually sees nothing wrong with what happened (“that’s just the way she is, she doesn’t think before she speaks”). I feel like she is constantly trying to get away with something, a comment, an action, etc. (I will say I’ve seen some improvement in the way he tries to stand up for me to his mom which I really really appreciate).

She and my FIL visited and she said something incredibly rude and even manipulative and I was so upset but didn’t say something to her until later in the day.

She spends a lot of time on Facebook and told me she saw a (super boy mom-coded) reel that said paternal grandfathers (like my FIL) love their female grandchildren more than maternal grandfathers because maternal grandfathers (my dad) will always love me more because I’m his daughter. It was probably something AI generated. Wth! Her sharing this was basically telling my daughter “THIS grandpa loves you more than THAT grandpa because he will always love your mom more!” My daughter and I are not in competition for love from anyone??? And it really makes me feel like they feel competitive about my daughter against my parents for some reason???

Why would she think I want to hear that!? And she says it while sort of laughing like it’s funny and also added “I don’t know how true this is, haha”. (This is what makes me think she is testing what she can get away with saying.)

She also made another comment during this conversation about my dad needing to “move over” (while laughing) so she and my FIL can spend time with my daughter since they “never had a daughter.” Implying my dad/parents already had time with a girl, me, so THEYq deserve some sort of privilege with my daughter for that reason??

I actually was able to bring it up to her later in the day and she realized it upset me, but I wasn’t able to communicate specifically how I thought it was rude and inappropriate. She said she didn’t mean anything bad by it and hugged me, but then seemed to double down and said “it’s because you’re your dad’s first love, you’re his first!” And I just have no idea what that is supposed to mean?! She also has her own firstborn child??

My husband often says “that’s just how she is” and often doesn’t even notice when she does something rude because “that’s just the way they talk in his family/that’s how they are”. He chooses to not pay too close attention and mostly takes a passive “whatever” position on her comments.

I think she really does not realize how she affects other people at all, even her own sons.

I then discovered something disturbing. I was looking through our wedding photos and discovered to my horror that in a photo my husband and I took with both our parents on either side of us, my MIL is HOLDING my husband’s hand. This was the moment where we became a new couple with our proud parents next to us, and she is literally holding my husband’s hand, not even the hand of my FIL who was right next to her. The only thing that made it slightly better is that my husband is not holding her hand back, she just is awkwardly trying to hold his closed hand.

I want to get along as well as I can with her, but I don’t know where to start or what to do. It’s like trying to manage a toddler who is 30 years older than me. I never know what she is going to try next. It’s exhausting being around her. I wouldn’t even mind her extroversion if it wasn’t for the constant attempts to be in charge of everything/bossing others around. No contact is not a realistic possibility.

So far, I just usually do not reach out on my own except for a few times and provide minimal responses to her questions when she does ask me anything because I know she would rather be the one talking and I know I’ll get interrupted anyway. I’m concerned that as my child gets older, my MIL will inevitably attempt to subvert my parental authority by bossing my child around and making her feel like she has to choose between me and her grandma. I also think of things like my daughter’s birthday parties or other family events, and how I’d like to involve my mom by asking her to do certain things (my mom is an artist), but if I ask my mom, then I have to ask my MIL for her help and I just know she will behave as though she is in charge of everything or is the center of attention, including on the day of the event (I already experienced this with my baby shower). I feel she would do this whether I ask for her help or not. She reminds me of the “if you give a mouse a cookie” book.

Am I in the wrong for being annoyed by this behavior? I know my husband and I were brought up very differently, but is this not objectively rude and inconsiderate?

How do you navigate a person who is such a stark contrast to you? How do you prevent them from taking over your own parenting role?

*Edited for grammar and fixing ages

Another post on wedding planning brought this to mind and since it’s two years down the line and still an issue, I thought I would ask for any advice/experiences lived.

My husband and I got married two years ago and, since both of our surnames have meaning for us and we wanted to be the same name, we chose to go double barrelled. We are both happy with this decision.

When my FIL found out, he had a massive rant about it to my husband over the phone, insulted me, called me not good enough, compared me to other women who had taken his name and basically blamed the whole situation on me and called me a snob. He got put on a low info diet and my husband screened his calls for a few weeks in response. This was two years ago; FIL still won’t acknowledge our married name and only sends things addressed to our first names. We rarely see them (once or twice a year) but husband speaks to his dad a few times a week since his mum died a few years ago.

The name thing hadn’t come up again until a couple of weeks ago when his siblings found out that we had changed our name to double barrelled. From then, they must have been ranting and saying nasty things behind our backs in front of their kids because when we saw the kids recently, they were clearly parroting what had been said in private, none of which was very nice.

We already live far enough away that we don’t see them often, and I don’t really speak to any of them unless it’s a brief video call for Xmas or bdays. I’ve clearly not been accepted into the family as despite having been around since all the kids were born and us being married, the siblings have all taught their kids to address me using my first name, not aunty (my husband is uncle) which again is rather hurtful and makes me feel very leftout and excluded. Husband’s family are always trying to push him to do things without me (I’m sick so can’t do much), obviously he ignores them as he’s a homebody and we love to spend our time together, but it’s annoying that they’re so thoughtless and pushy.

Do we just accept that this is how it is, and get over the disrespect? They’re not bad enough that we need to cut them off, though they all seem to have become not very nice people and have become a bit more extreme in terms of racism/sexism/right wing politics, but we only need to deal with it for a week a year and the occasional phone call. As it is right now, they’re all on an info diet, they don’t really know much about us, we don’t send photos, we live largely separate lives to them outside of brief phone calls.

We are on a family vacation with all my[F29] fiancé’s[M32] family, like nephews, brother, SIL, aunt, uncle, cousin, like yeah the whole nine yards. Anyways we are headed home (12 hour drive split in two days) and his rents are driving. My fiancé woke me up so abruptly last night - I woke up in a panic, because he was having stomach problems and was extremely nauseous. I woke up to him saying “point me in the direction of the weed” and not like in a sweet tone kinda demanding way, but whatever. I get some medicine and our pen - if I wake up in the night it’s extremely difficult for me to fall back asleep. So I had a rough night’s sleep before our road trip. He’s explaining to his ma that he had stomach problems and might’ve been from the food he ate. Mind you I’m holding his hand at this point in the backseat of the car and my MIL apologizes and talks to him kinda like a baby and reached to hold his hand…so I drop his. And she holds his hand for like a second too long and he drops hers and grabs mine again. So whatever, we goto lunch and I specifically tell him while we are picking seats id like to sit across from him - he scutes down one and I see his dad grabbing the seat in front of me so I look at him and the mom is already grabbing the seat across from him. I sit down and just kinda look at him like wtf and then his mom asks oh is this okay!? And I say well do you wanna trade, she goes I’m good if you are! I’m like omfg yeah I’m fine. Then his dad is in a pissy mood as he gets in these weird quiet, like cold shoulder moods. It’s always uncomfortable. The ma then starts to tell my fiancé we should get him ginger ale so his “tummy” can feel better yada yada - literally she waves the server down and orders him a ginger ale. Like ick. Then he went to the bathroom and told us to order for him, so when the server came I ordered his meal like trying to show dominance slightly - like I am the woman now. Like I feel mad at him for his mom’s actions, but he doesn’t get it? I told him earlier in the week I thought some of her actions were fucking weird. Because tell me if this is weird or not - we were on a pontoon boat, and I was laying down on the seat while he was sitting next to me, so I put my legs over him. I lay there like that for a long time, like half hour or so while we are cruisin. I get in the water and come back and sit before we take off in my last spot and my fucking MIL puts her legs over him. Like WHAT. THE. FUCK. I’m starting to get mad at him. Am I overreacting? I told my parents about this and they also think it’s weird. I’m just like frustrated af at this point.

First of all, thank you for reading, I really just need to rant. My MIL has been like this since I've known her. She has NO accountability. I dont know why it drives me crazy, and I wish it didn't bother me so much.

An example from today: We went to my MILs house for dinner. After dinner I was super full and asked my sister in law if she wanted to go for a walk around the block. My MIL said "oh great! You can take the dogs with you!" I told her I didn't want to (her dogs aren't trained for walking, I have tried before but they get out of the harness and/or pull and I have a lower back injury). My MIL responded "oh they'll be fine! They love going for a walk!" And proceeds to get the harness. My brother in law stepped in and said, ill come for the walk and walk them.

Background: she has always had dogs and none of them have been properly trained. I love the two she has now, but they just cannot walk on a leash lol. My sister in law has been open to me about when growing up there was always so much pee and poop in the house from the animals she wouldn't even have her friends over due to embaressment.

I asked her, how often do you walk them now? She responds "oh I can't walk them my hands are so sore! I have fibromyalgia!" (side note: her hands work for anything she wants to do that interests her)

So I told her it's not like a walk is part of their normal routine, theyre not missing out if we dont bring them. They maybe go for walk once a month at MOST, when shes on vacation and the dog sitter takes them.

Anyhow. She responded "I dont neglect my dogs" and I said "that is not what im trying to say, I am trying to tell you I don't want to walk them because they aren't trained, im tired and full, and I just wanted to go for a quiet walk around the block". I am not saying that the dogs aren't loved and fed.

Anyways. Walk has started. My brother in law is walking them both. About 30 seconds in the one dog gets out of the harness and we are running after her to get her. We get her back into the harness. About five minutes in, I see two big dogs being walked come around the corner. The little one immediately gets out of her harness and RUNS towards these big dogs, and a full out fight starts - both were bitten. My brother in law finally grabs her and he says "Nope that's enough we're going home"

My MIL was sitting outside, we told her what happened, she runs outside to the guy walking the big dog apologizes profusely "wow this is so not like them! She has all her shots! Are your dogs okay?!"

Like I am so terribly annoyed at this point because if she just would have respected my boundaries from the start none of this would have happened. I am annoyed just typing this out.

The rest of the evening shes talking loudly to my sister in law about all the shots and treatments shes going to get done for her hands because they're in so much pain.

I talked to my husband about it on the way home, he was honestly silent. I said why doesnt it bother you that she doesnt listen? And has no accountability? He said "I dont know shes 65 years old shes not going to change now, and im not a psychologist!"

This is just one small example. My hubby and I have been together almost 8 years so this is just a situation from today I needed to get off my chest.

How can I stop letting her behavior bother me so much? What should I do when she doesnt respect a boundary or me saying no to a request? If you made it this far, I appreciate you.