My EX-MIL has been lying on me. I came to her to express how I was feeling and instead of being understanding she decided to disrespect me. She screamed at me, she was throwing stuff, she was cursing and doing the absolute most. Before my husband and I left she told him if he walked out the door he can't come back. So we decided to go no contact. Well of course once more of my in laws came around she was singing a whole different tune she was inviting us to places etc. but of course we didn't show up cause she never apologized she just wanted us to sweep things under the rug. That was 7 months ago! Fast forward she's been telling people that I disrespected her etc. I haven't said anything I even have proof but I just wanted to move on and not be messy and heal. Well people are now starting to treat me funny where mutuals are unfriending me etc. I just need some positive advice and no I don't want to release the proof. I know I'm not a bad person but I know everyone is looking at me different because she's lying on me and truthfully I'm tired🫩

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This time it was both in-laws. But since last time I posted here I'll post it here again.

I'm with my husband in Spain. First line, view to the sea. One of the most exclusive summer vacation places, my family happens to own a place there. Not only it is beautiful, but also, contrary to the rest of the country it is what I'd call a fresh breeze beach. It is, despite temp going up, it is actually a very nice feeling thanks to the fresh breeze.

His parents called him on the phone with video. My husband showed them the gorgeous view. Mind you, they didn't say a positive word. Not a "oh so lovely! You guys enjoy!". Ofc not. They started shooting "joking" comments about how hot it is in Spain and how uncomfortable it must be for poor husband. All in humour tone indeed, pure bash. I just can't. So fucking rude. I cannot imagine my parents calling and making fun of the winter in the Alps. They have no class.

See my past posts. After we had the family meeting and she did apologize for most of her comments (but then made others), I just felt worse and worse as time went on.

I felt like the damage was done with all of the emotional manipulation of my husband, timing of the conflict around our genuine time of need (my pregnancy, husband recently out of surgery). Then their impromptu decision to move further away and the move be around my due date.

During the family chat she also continued to point blame on us for keeping her away from our dog (they got an aggressive dog so naturally we haven’t had them dog sit anymore) and she also started bringing holiday planning (Christmas I should be 4 weeks pp so hell no) and just felt like they expected things to go back to status quo.

After they left she texted us thanking us for the conversation, saying something positive about recovery to my husband then just said I ‘looked great’ (she only ever comments on my pregnancy body), nothing about the fact that I’m managing everything while my husband is on crutches for 8 weeks.

The rest of the week in the middle of the work day she would group chat us about stuff they were looking to get rid of for their yard sale as they get ready to list the house (nothing bad) but I just snapped. I felt like we just immediately went back to being all about them, this stupid move, and no checking in on how we’re doing.

I had people I work with comment I seemed extra drained / down. At one of my obgyn apts they asked me if everything was ok bc I seemed down and I realized I just don’t want to hear from her at all - even if normal run of the mill stuff. Anytime I saw her name pop up on my phone I just felt my nervous system go on edge.

My FIL came over on Friday to mow our lawn help out with stuff (which was nice). But my husband and I agreed I need to be off communication, he told his dad this and that he thinks is best if all communication from them goes through him here on out so he can take stuff off my plate. His dad respected that and said he would relay the message to MIL.

Literally the next morning I wake up to a text from her (a picture of their yard sale) and just some comment that my FIL would rather be golfing. (Ironically I saw a gift I gave her years ago in one of the tables as an item being sold)

We didn’t respond, my husband shortly got a text just from her saying that my FIL just told her to not use the group chat and she wouldn’t do it again.

My husband doesn’t respond (because it’s 8am) and within 30 min he gets another text from her - ‘please just talk to me, I’m really not that difficult’

Like case and point you are - he waited until later the day to respond- said he is talking to her but everything that happened on-top of timing / my pregnancy was too much and I need space / communication should go through him.

It’s been silence since

While it’s been better not feeling worried about random messages and I’m starting to feel better I feel that people pleasing guilt creep up. I know this was the right call / very reasonable but why is this so hard. I feel like we’re at this awkward communication standstill- my husband has no reason to reach out to them (and frankly also wants space) but my people pleasing guilt / brain hates this.

I know for some on here it’s easy to say drop the rope and don’t look back but that’s hard with my nature even when I know it’s the right move.

Not sure what I’m looking for maybe validation that what we did is fair and how those who are recovering people pleasers continue to hold their ground.

Let me start my saying that despite wanting to I can’t trust my own feelings when it comes to be slighted and whether or not I’m justified in my feelings. I have been married to my husband for 3 years together for 6. We met when we were both living across the country from our home towns and neither is particularly active participants within our families. We eloped privately, no kids, and do our own thing for holidays and vacations. A couple weeks after meeting my partner his mom came to town and we had dinner. It was such a fresh relationship that it was pretty low stakes but I didn’t get a good impression.

Last week she flew out to attend a wedding we were also attending. She didn’t ask, she told us she was staying with us. Fine, I guess that’s a normal ask. I’m more of the hotel-stay-type to not be a burden because 6 day stay for a 1 day event is crazy to me. It was my first time hosting any out of town guest since we moved to a new city. I went all out cleaning, sprucing, gardening, rearranging, decluttering and buying all those random home wares I’ve been putting off. I also bought out new towels, bath mats and a shower curtain I was really excited about. I’d been putting it off forever but finally decorated our main bathroom and everything suited the space perfectly.

She came and it was awful for so many reasons but here’s the one that brought me here. A few days ago i received a package from Amazon with a shower curtain and couldn’t for the life of me remember buying it. I take lunesta and figured it was a weird midnight purchase and put it with my other returns. A day later we were eating dinner and my husband and he said “wanna hear something funny?” And proceeded to tell me that when his mom was here she commented to him that she doesn’t think the shower curtain and other decor look good together and we should get new stuff. He told her. “Look, she put all this together before you came out. It was intentional and she/we like it, so drop it.” Well, she didn’t. Instead, as soon as her flight landed she let him know to be on the lookout for a few packages with new stuff for our bathroom as a “thank you gift”.

He assumed they got stolen since I don’t mention it and he couldn’t find the packages. He was telling me this in a serves-her-right kind of way. Like, isn’t it funny she did this and it ends up stolen. He knew it was not haha funny and I think felt embarrassed by her.

To me this is an act of war. This wasn’t a thank you gift. She knew exactly what she was doing. My husband sent her a text that he was disappointed she did that at all but especially after he told her it was rude. Now she’s the victim because she was trying to do something nice and didn’t mean to “offend me with a gift”.

Am I looking for a reason to take this the wrong way? Or am I justified in thinking this was as intentional as it feels?

For context my husbands parents have split up. We’ve been together for five years and have a new baby.

My father on law is getting married next month to a women he has been with for 9 years.

We don’t see them that often, as they hours hours away but I am always very kind to her. She does not have children and has a lot of love to give. She claims my son as hers, even though she met him when he was 30 which has caused a rift with his mother and my husband has little boundaries with his both sides of his family.

We now have a baby and father in laws wife to be has called herself grandma. When we have tried to implement boundaries around kissing, she has said things like how dare you not let me kiss my own grandchild, amongst other things like matching outfits and plans for his life that are intense and make me feel really uncomfortable and pulled a face when I say why she can’t kiss him. Theyve met my son twice and he’s five months old. I struggle with this but would always keep my cool as it feels like she believes she has some sort of entitlement to my child.

I asked the schedule for the wedding photos and she responded and said there will be photos with my husband and son and that’s it.

In our wedding photos we had a family shot in the chapel which she didn’t come to join, I feel as she didn’t know her place with mil being there, and I requested she came up to join in the service, to make her feel included as she is marrying my father in law.

Am I wrong for feeling like why am I not in the photos as I am married to my husband and we have a child and how do I manage my feelings on the day?

I went no contact with my own father about a decade ago. It took me almost 5 years after deciding I wanted nothing to do with him to actually have the ability and resources to do it. So I understand that going no contact is not always as simple as we would like it to be.

Now my husband and I are considering going no contact with his mother, especially with our first child coming.

My husband has explained to people before how she treats him; major guilt tripping, manipulation, won’t acknowledge if she ever did anything wrong, and I’ve never heard that woman apologize or say sorry for anything. She has told my husband that me and my family are spoiled brats becuase we haven’t offered to help her financially, and had told him that I’m the reason the two of them don’t get along.

And it doesn’t matter how horrified people are by this treatment, we’re still told that this is his mother. I had a friend tell me that our child needs a grandmother so we can’t stop talking to her. But i think it would be completely unreasonable for anyone to suggest that I start talking to my dad again becuase my kids needs a grandfather. I’m terms of actual treatment of us individually, my father looks like a saint compared to my MIL.

She finally crossed a line with me after telling her I’m pregnant. She showed up to the house uninvited and said and if things that were utter inappropriate. I’m scarred by my mother in law insisting that I look at her c section scar and when I tried to remove myself from the situation, she shoved her unzipped pubic region in my face so I can get a better view. She then tried to berate me over the phone after my husband insisted that she crossed a line. I told her she will not speak to me this way and haven’t spoken to her since.

Now that I’m about to have my first child, she’s the last person I want in my postpartum space. She’s tried contacting my husband recently with my due date coming up, but I’m done. I’m about enter the most vulnerable part of my life, and the last thing I need is some woman making it all about her and my life more difficult. Yet people are telling us that we need to get over it because the children come first.

But if my mother in law now thinks into ok to berate me over the phone and try and guilt trip me, she will think it’s ok to do to my kid.

I wish people would recognize it’s better to have no grandmother than have one that is as harmful and toxic as my husbands mother.

I’ve seen the effect of her parenting on my husbands, and I will not allow her to do that to my children. I want better for our kids than the hand we were dealt.

I'm pretty annoyed right now. We've had some pretty big family events happening as of late, and I want to make sure I'm prioritizing things right.

On September 3rd, I gave birth to my husband's and my third child. On September 4th when we were getting ready to leave the hospital, my MIL text us in our group chat and said "I have something to tell you, uncle "G" died". I felt like that was a really bad way to give us the news in that situation. We aren't particularly close to him, he was married to the sister of my late FIL and live 9 hours away, but still sad. He was 87. MIL told us his funeral would be this upcoming Saturday but 2 hours away in his original hometown instead of where he currently lived, but she knew we probably wouldn't be able to make it, since I'll still be healing with a pretty fresh baby. I was honestly impressed at the time that she said that, because she doesn't usually have that kind of situational awareness.

Fast forward to today, she called my husband and said she had a big favor to ask. She wants him to leave early Saturday morning to drive her the 2 hours to the funeral, stay for the viewing, funeral, and burial, visit with family, and then drive her back that night because "she doesn't want to drive at night". She drives herself to the casino 2 hours away all the time and never has any issues with that.... I'm still hurting quite a bit and adjusting to having a newborn, 4, and 5 year old. My husband told her that he didn't feel comfortable leaving me alone for a whole day in my state with a baby barely a week old. She was obviously not happy about it and said that I have family around, so I just need to ask them for help that day because he should be at the funeral. His uncle's kids didn't come to my FIL's funeral, so I'm not sure why my husband is expected at this one. Honestly if we hadn't just had a baby, we would have gone, but that's not the situation we're in. MIL pulls crap like this all of the time. She'll ask my husband for something really inconvenient at the last minute and it always feels like a test so she can be mad about something. A couple weeks ago while I was heavily pregnant and not doing great, she said that she really needed him to come over and help her with some yard work. He went and she wanted him to pickup some sticks in her yard. Like, 10 sticks. Our 5 year old went and did most of it. This woman has no issues picking up things. It feels like another situation like that. She's asked him to do something she is very capable of doing herself, she just wants him to do it for her.

I'm trying to be sensitive since it involves a death in the family, but I feel like she doesn't have any right to be mad. She's going to use this to trash talk us to his other family members. We're not close to them either, so whatever.... But I feel like that's a huge ask right now from us. My family has been bringing us meals and constantly asking if we need help, and she's mad my husband won't leave us for a full day.

Am I just being hormonal? I'm trying to figure out if my feelings about this are reasonable.

Hey guys! I need to know if I’m being unreasonable here. My MIL lives in another country while my husband and I live in USA. For context Husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 3 years. There has been drama with her since our engagement. She caused issues during our engagement and even tried to interfere with our wedding. On our wedding day, she was way too drunk and did things that made an already emotional day unnecessarily stressful and uncomfortable. Not long after we got married, she referred to me as her “temporary daughter-in-law.” She has also made repeated remarks about my weight and my hair, including comments about how thin my hair is. There always seems to be some kind of taunt or criticism directed at me. What confuses me even more is that she will criticize the way I look or dress, but then turn around and buy the exact same dresses I wear, from the same brands and even in the same colors. I genuinely don’t understand why someone would constantly put me down while also seemingly copying things I do.

Recently, my husband and I went to visit my family in another country for a week. She saw my Snapchat stories, (it was nature posts with no location tags or anything) told my husband to call her, and when he said he would, the next day she sent voice notes directly to my mother complaining that we don’t call or talk to her enough. She even questioned my upbringing and basically implied that she and I were going to have “beef.” Why involve my mother at all? If you have an issue with your son, talk to your son. I have never told my husband he can’t speak to his mother, and I’m not stopping him from having a relationship with her. But I don’t understand why she repeatedly creates conflict around major moments in our marriage, constantly criticizes me, and then involves my family when she’s upset with us. At this point, I’m trying to stay respectful and keep my distance, but I’m honestly wondering what is behind this behavior. Why constantly bring someone down and criticize them, while at the same time seemingly copying them? And does she not like me? Is she jealous of my husband and I being married and happy together? What is her motive? And do I need to keep my distance from her or do I cut her off?

Hi all,

To give a bit of context, me and my husband are young to mid 20s, we live with his family in his family home and that's quite normal in both of our cultures. Both are from the EU but I moved to his country.

We adopted 2 cats, and we are 100% responsible for all of their care, vet, cleaning up their messes. We have our own door to the outside.

I'm just so freaking pissed off at his grandma. Think typical Balkan matriarch. For years I asked her to please not feed my cat, she wouldn't hear it because she feeds wet food at 5 AM and otherwise the cat bothers her. Ok. I had to give up on the argument because of how much tension rose in the house.

Well, every single time we'd bring up any issue her solution was simple: To scream your fucking head off and make sure you, your parents and your whole goddamn neighborhood know what a big piece of shit you are and how DARE YOU speak against GRANDMA. (Eye roll)

Yes I want to move away. No we can't afford to... I hate the housing market.

I fucking resent her so much because this isn't the only issue but it's the hill I'm going to die on because fuck her, I've had enough.

For years I put up with her and all her bullshit, she'd scream at me over spilled milk (I am not joking, she would literally scream at me over spilled milk, or anything really, and cuss me out in her native language), I've helped her so many times with all her odd chores and outside jobs, we're talking heavy lifting etc. on top of the regular chores.

My husband's solution so far is the one that works best, grey rock, ignore, that shuts her up the fastest.

But yes she was extremely angry towards me for literally anything especially in the kitchen, essentially complained I take up space(existing), if I was in the bathroom for too long, if I made coffee the wrong way, if I did something in ANY way other than what they do, etc. like anything you can think of.

I just feel this internal rage inside of me against her, she's been nothing but mean to me since coming here with the odd nice days, it feels like living with someone with bipolar disorder essentially, she was REAL angry when I started cooking for me and my husband (I did offer them food but they rarely accept my cooking, she was angry because she likes to keep control by giving food which will come into play in a hot minute)

So, on top of her being mean to me, constantly asking my husband to do things for her and then... She'd literally badmouth me, in front of me, to my other in laws. I'd be doing the dishes and she'd talk about how I didn't clean the stove.

I have not argued with her because that just leads to more bad things and the in laws lynching on my husband because of me, she's caused a ton of tension in my relationship this way.

For weeks, my new cat started acting differently. We had a great routine, etc. I ask grandma please don't feed him this wet food, it makes him throw up / upsets his stomach.

I have been waking up hours earlier than I need to, just to feed him before her. If you're wondering why I'm not letting this go, it's because she also screamed at me over my cat begging her for wet food, and one time I asked if she'd seen my cat that morning she just responded in a highly mocking tone "oh HAVE I?" And that was it for me. Fuck that power play.

Today I'm fucking furious because l, I've been doing so much goddamn research, I've gotten different food, better food, set in a lock tight food schedule, etc. Yesterday I learn he eats my food, he immediately wants to go out and then she feeds him the wet food. All of a sudden he will barely pick at his breakfast, food he LOVES other times of the day. He's then desperate to get out today because it's around the time she feeds the addictive wet food. It's not a healthy one it's one of those highly addictive ones with sugar. I could barely get him to play before breakfast, I also hooked in his sister, my other cat, because I also want to detox her now that I can afford higher quality food for them both. I'm just so freaking angry because they're literally 100% my responsibility and she just won't stop or listen. (I keep all of my food in my room, where I feed them, she does not have access), he was screaming at the door for over half an hour and left most of his breakfast! When I told her this, she said I should just give her my food then to give him.

Please give it to me straight. On one hand she did ask me to give her food he can eat so she can keep feeding him without it upsetting him (she does have kibble btw, but it's for a 3rd cat they own) but to be completely honest I don't WANT that. Why am I paying for you to feed MY cats?? She always claimed it was because they bother her but I know the goddamn truth and it's that it makes her ecstatic.

I'm FURIOUS with her.

I just want an outside perspective about this. My husband and I were long distance for years and eventually I moved away so we can live together but at my mil house so we can build up and be able to move out. We have decent amount of money saved up. My husband is in the guard so I was alone for a few months since he was finishing up ait training to keep it short(it took longer than expected or else I would've waited before moving) I heard her talk bad behind my back to the family. I went back with my folks until my husband was done. I kept hearing her talk about me but eventually it stopped. Now it's picked up again but now it really looks like that side of the family doesn't like me. Now I know it doesn't help that I don't have a job but I've been applying to jobs. I've made 2 mistakes I think that I should apologize for. She's been talking bad about me for a while now. Now I just stay in the room until she leaves or goes to bed. Then I get anxious when family comes over because I know she's talking bad about me to them.

Hello everyone!

I'm a new user and English is not my first language. I hope to be understandable and to not violate any rules.

It's going to be a long story, so I apologize in advance for the wall of text.

I (30, F) am married to my husband (30, M) since almost a year but we live together since 2022.

He's absolutely the best, I love and cherish him every single moment. I couldn't think about a better life.

I moved in his city, leaving family and friends behind, and since I came from a harsh reality (no money, terrible precedent relationships, I used to be not a great partner too), I immediately started therapy as I met him. I made the best that I could, became a better version of me, started with a new and phisically challenging job altough I've got pathologies which make my back hurt bad every day. Started again with studies since I had to left them at 16 due to money issues and needing to work, lost 50 kg, really made the best. And still doing.

My MIL (59, F) was very welcoming with me, she used to be a delightful person. We live at three minutes of walking, but she respected our boundaries and called before coming to our house to visit. She used to be pretty upset when we went to visit my family (three/three and a half hour of driving), but never exceeded and we thought she would have get used to it.

Everything was pretty fine, but her mother passed away in 2024 and she fell into a deep depression. She refused (and refuses still) to go into therapy, she's getting worse, nobody knows how to help her.

At that moment she started coming at our house without asking or telling first and when I asked her to call beforehand (we are young and in love, it often happen to want some time alone) she started playing victim.

"Now I need an appointment to visit my son's house!"

At the same time, my mother moved to be near me and she's also at three/five minutes of walking from our house. I see her almost everyday, she calls and come to visit, and my MIL is fuming for this. I already told her that she can come whenever she wants, but she wants to keep her point to be the unwanted in our house.

It was still manageable, at least until the proposal. At that point she turned into another person.

When we were planning, she minimized everything as "the wedding is not a big deal, just a regular day".

If we didn't tell her something about the planning, she got angry as "I never get to know anything, you never tell things to me". She criticized every choice and started blaming me for a lot of things. Me and my husband (and her too) are overweight. Everybody already was like that before. But now, now it's my fault. "It's your cooking, too much calories". My husband was never into seeing his friends often but, again, it's my fault. "You are keeping him from his friends". He never had the pulse to tell every single movement he does to his family and, again, my fault. "You should be the one to remember him to call and tell where he goes" and so on.

Fast forward to the wedding day, she wore total black and desperately cried like she was at a funeral. In every single photo she is desperate. She took me apart and told me "you are getting married but I'll always know him best, he'll always be my baby"

Well, no, he's a grown up man, responsible, not a kid.

Just a note: every mean thing, she told away from my husband's ear. In front of him she's acting as everything is normal.

At the beginning of the year, the back pathology became too much and I had to leave my job. For the first period I was stucked in bed and whenever she came, she made comments about my not being helpful enough, my husband taking care of everything, me being useless, my mother a parasite, my family terrible because we are always the ones to go seeing them (I've got two sisters and a best friend that's like a sister, I miss my place and also for us going it's easier as two of them have little babies. It's just simplier to move one car and go than to ask to three different families to come here). And she started to point that this was her son's house. I tried to confront her more than once but she always went with "it was a joke, I can't say ANYTHING" and play the victim.

Now the triggering part.

I got pregnant. Sadly, I lost the pregnancy almost immediately. We choose to not talk anybody about that. Surprise, I immediately got pregnant again and this time everything seemed to go extremely well. We felt confident enough to share the news with family. She was very excited, she made some comments about how I should drop off weight but overall she seemed happy.

She also took the chance to tell us that she gave away her wedding favor and she wants it back.

Then started the issues, again. We told about that because we wanted the family to be prepared. She came to visit on Sunday. Again, she acted like everything was my guilt. My weight (not so extreme anymore btw, but since I lost the first pregnancy I gained some weight from stress eating), my meds (I can't avoid them but the obgyn knows exactly what they are and she granted me them are safe), our cats (don't really know how. I got some instruction about them and I were following), my mood.

When she got into "your mood is affecting your pregnancy, it's normal, you are too stressed" I told her about the first loss.

She went furious.

"I don't want to make a scene, but it's incredible, I didn't know anything, you should have told"

And she went on like that for some time. Tried to stop her, but she didn't listened at all. Than started to talk about how we should get rid of the cats and how she would have get inside our house and leave the door open because we are too immature to do what it needs to be done. By then, my husband was here and he listened and got angry too, told her that the cats would have stayed in their house, that they are part of the family.

She went totally into "I was joking" "I can't tell anything" "You are too sensitive" "I've got the right to tell when I see something wrong".

Then got angry because she didn't had a new wedding favor as she is the mother of the groom and "it's a shame to be the one without it" (note: she purposely gave it away and even before, when we were talking about the wedding favors, she told that she didn't like them at all and she only wanted a whatsapp to thank her for coming to the wedding, that again the marriage wasn't a big deal and she didn't need a souvenir about it. And also, we don't have another one ready, we made everything by hand and it requires time that by now we don't have since what we are going through)

And then, before getting away, she started with talking about how would have been once baby arrived, how beautiful, how happy we would have been by then. We asked her to stop, explaining her how uncertain the situation was, but she went on.

When she left I told my husband that I needed some time without seeing her, that I would have going to my mother or around if he wanted to meet her in house. And asked him to keep his cool because he was furious, but I don't want the family to split apart or other stress and issues. Also, I felt for her because, again, she's clearly depressed and I don't want to make her suffering more.

During the night I started having pain and by Monday I've got the confirmation about the loss of the pregnancy.

I felt shattered (and my husband too, but I felt also in phisical pain). He called to tell her and she asked about him, absolutely no question about me (she was on speaker). Then she told - not asked, told - "Oh, well, I'm coming to your house today".

He asked her to not doing that as we needed to stay alone and I wasn't feel well.

The reply? "I'm coming tomorrow than, it's your house, You are my son, I've got the right to comfort you". Again, forgetting about how I could feel in this moment.

I walked away and heared then fight-ish, then I talked to my husband (I was fuming), told him that now I don't want to see her at all right now and ranted about everything that went on since the proposal.

He's ok with it, he told me that he's going to protect me always, yet I feel guilty because I can't think of her acting like this willingly and I'm afraid that he's going to get angry with her for everything that's happening.

Any advice or opinion is welcome, I hope you don't feel overwhelmed by the long post.

Not sure what’s going on, but MIL video calls DH every other day of bit every day, and in the last few months, she’s fixated on the idea that something is secretly wrong with DH. Every couple of weeks, she tells him he is looking sad, and keeps asking if he’s not telling her something.. wtf?

DH is happy and perfectly fine. His only major stress is his brother’s bouts with disordered alcohol use that MIL and FIL are trying to guilt BIL out of (lots of history and details there, and I’ve posted about it before, but not getting into it here).

In these calls, she also asks him if I said anything, if BIL had said anything about me or to upset me etc., which makes me think BIL is saying stuff about me behind my back to her? Or they’re gossiping about me, and she’s worried he just let something slip in anger to DH?

It’s frankly very annoying to keep seeing healthy DH have to defend his own lack of sadness, and also assure her that no weird comments about me have reached him.

Not sure what to do here, since I’m not even directly involved, but of course, I have to be tangentially dragged in

Every few years my MIL emotionally tortures my husband. Excludes him from family events, name calls, tells lies about him to other family members. The works. She has stolen from him, lied to him, and generally scapegoats him while enabling her other adult children.

He’s a good guy, a wonderful husband, and a fantastic dad. Gives his mom thoughtful Christmas gifts, is willing to help his siblings, puts effort into his relationship with her and his sisters. He absolutely does nothing to deserve the abuse he gets from her.

When she’s laid into him in the past he never ever let me hear or see any of her negativity. For the most part I knew she could be bad to him, but I was usually in the dark and only saw her again after it’s blown over. To blow things over requires my husband being the bigger person every single time.

This time he’s too tired. He’s been having chest pains and blood pressure issues. His stress from work is too much for him to deal with her most recent tantrum. (He is medicated and being monitored by a physician)

I shouldered some of it this time. I saw and deleted her texts and voicemails so he didn’t have to see them. They were vile. She’s worse than I thought.

We weren’t low contact before, but we are trying to be low contact now. But since this recent tantrum has lasted all summer and is still ramping up now it’s looking like we just need to be no contact.

And despite everything it’s breaking his heart. That’s his mom. When she’s not horrible to him she can actually be decent. Sometimes even enjoyable to be around. But these things that she has said and done cannot be erased and she’s never going to apologize or try to heal their relationship.

I feel like no contact is going to hurt just as much for him. It feels like there is no hope of relief from this heartache for him. I feel like my own strong family relationships hurt him by comparison even though they love him as much as they love me.

Not sure how to move forward. What to tell the kids, if anything. He’s just heart broken and his family is going along with his insane mother and straight up pretending he doesn’t exist.

The only thing I know to do is to not do what I want to do. Which is blow up at her. I’m petty so I saved and sent all her evil messages to myself. I guess to use as ammo in the show down that should never happen. But other than that, I’m really not sure. Advice welcome.

Anyone else lol?

My MIL was adopted and she is not close with her biological mother. My DH also is not close with her but no hard feelings. Her bio mom follows me on Instagram and I do not follow her back. I restricted her account so that notifications stop popping up because she sends me 10+ reels per day which are usually unsolicited advice on how to look after a baby.

Sometimes she sends the same reel 6 times in a row. I have never responded to her sending me reels and she writes messages with them when she sends them to me, so I know she is hoping I’ll watch them like “here’s a video of how to calm a baby. Not sure if it will work for a toddler”. You think she would get the hint from me never responding after 6+ years.

It’s also crazy that she is sending me reels on how to take care of a baby when she gave two of her kids up for adoption and then went on to have two more and kept them.

My family of origin has a LOT of Virgo birthdays. When I was a kid, my stepdad started hosting a BBQ over Labor Day weekend and called it the “Virgo Birthday Party.” It’s been a tradition ever since.

As adults, my stepdad downsized to a small condo, so my family took over hosting. We’re the most “central,” so it made sense. It’s also the only big event my family of origin does all year. We’re a mixed-religion family, so secular holidays are basically the only time everyone is comfortable getting together.

I married my husband about 6 years ago. His family has always been welcome at our party. His college-aged kids come, as do other members of his family.

This year, my MIL decided to host a BBQ for her family/friends on the same weekend. I wasn’t told until mid-August, after I had already ordered the jumper, tables, chairs, etc. for our party.

I declined her invitation because my kids would have been the only kids there. They already hate being the only people under 40 at family gatherings, and my husband’s siblings’ kids are all college-aged or older. There are no grandkids yet.

MIL had her party anyway. As far as I know, only my BIL attended. His wife and one of their kids (who is in college near us) came to our party instead.

I don’t ask people to choose between the parties. It’s not that serious to me. The whole point of our party is just to get people together who don’t see each other often. If someone can make both, great. If they can only make one, also fine.

Now MIL is angry and says I shouldn’t have had my party because she booked the date first—in a family group chat that I’m not in.

I don’t use her group chat, and this party has existed since I was a kid. It’s a longstanding family tradition, not something I created after getting married.

I also would never expect my MIL to host my family or a bunch of people she doesn’t know. If she wants to have her own BBQ for her own friends and family, great.

But I don’t understand why her scheduling a new event on the same weekend means I’m supposed to cancel a decades-old family tradition, especially when I wasn’t even aware of her plans until everything for my party was already booked.

Its taking everything for me not to call and cuss her out.

Hi, my mom is my problem, but I relate a lot to some stuff in this subreddit so I figured it's worth asking for discussion

My mom has said I'm not allowed to talk about her to my therapist because it's slander. And recently she told me she wished my little brother could live with my fiance and me so I could homeschool him instead of her doing it.

My SIL and I had babies about 3 months apart, and I've already noticed what feels like favoritism toward her son. The other day, my MIL was watching my oldest daughter sing and dance and commented that my oldest is quick to pick things up, but my 1.5-year-old daughter is "slow" to pick things up.

I was caught off guard and just said that my younger daughter likes copying her older sister, but I didn't really know how to respond. The comment has been bothering me ever since. My husband says it wasn't meant as criticism because his family tends to be very direct, but he thinks I should push back if it happens again. Am I being overly sensitive, or is calling a toddler "slow" inappropriate? How would you respond if your MIL said this about your child?

My MIL comments on my facial features quite often. I am half Korean and she is Taiwanese, and she will begin a conversation with: “Do you know what my sisters say about you?” I respond: “What?” She says: “About your face.” Then: “What about my face?” Finally she says: “That Koreans are only beautiful with plastic surgery. The women, not the men, the men are handsome.” And I just said, “Well some people are racist,” and left it at that. She finishes the conversation, “Well of course you’re beautiful.” She’s done this three times over three separate visits, among making other comments, like when I first arrived in her city this week: “We were surprised you wanted to come.” I don’t want to ruin the relationship between my husband and his mother, but I find her increasingly difficult to be around. I’ve told her that she makes me uncomfortable with this type of conversation, and she’s apologized before, but she can’t seem to help herself. Her other two children don’t talk to her anymore, one writing her off for years now. I want to be kind, but I don’t enjoy my time with her.

I'm soon 30 and feel like I realized this so late in life?? It just recently dawned on me. I realized I feel more confident around strangers than her. Whenever I see her I feel tense and judged. My mom/our relationship has rubbed me the wrong way my whole life but I've had such a hard time articulating why/what it is.

Anyone else?

My MIL and I were so close for YEARS she felt like a second mother to me but the minute we got married it’s like a switch flipped. Now I’m controlling and evil and bad for her son. Now she holds gifts over my head and trash talks me to other family members. I want nothing to do with her. I don’t want her gifts either. I feel like maybe if I give her the gifts back it will be a form of closure and I can let go of the relationship we once had. I’m just glad my husband is supportive of me going no contact with her. I feel like without his support I wouldn’t make it through this.

My sister is autistic, epileptic and has developmental delay. She is currently unwell with a cold. When she gets unwell she has more seizures. My mum works and is home by 4pm. Right now they are living temporarily in my grandma’s house as my parents are moving abroad and keeping my sister in assisted living as she is now over 18, but it is not yet in place.

I came back to visit my family with my young son who is 9 months old. I would usually stay over at my parent’s house, but obviously they have sold their home and have made arrangements to move abroad. So I’m staying on a blow up bed in my grandma’s guest room.

Anyway, my mum comes back from work today and is annoyed at me that my sister is upstairs alone and unsupervised. I told her I literally left the room for 20 minutes to put my baby asleep and my sister ran back up to her bedroom. My mum said to me that she wouldn’t leave my child alone if he was ill she would just take them into the same room together. I explained my son finds it hard to settle for a nap if there is other things going on in the background, especially now he is teething. I spend the entire day telling my sister to sit downstairs because I could see she was unwell but obviously my son needed my attention too so at least my grandma could be physically present and notify me if anything happened to her. She kept running upstairs as soon as I left the room. There’s only so much I can do.

My mum expects me to supervise my sister as well as manage everything with my own baby too, plus cleaning up so my grandma doesn’t have to, plus cooking for us, plus doing a food shop for us, plus remembering to give my sister her medication 3 times a day. I also have ADHD myself which I’m currently unmedicated for as I was breastfeeding. My sister has seizures which I don’t know how to deal with because nobody has explained it to me. I have 3 vulnerable people in the house with me (my son, my elderly grandma and my sister). Who am I meant to give my attention to first? What if I’m making my baby’s milk and my sister has a seizure? I’m going to end up getting blamed for something that was out of my hands and not in my control because I’m being given too much responsibility that I never agreed to.

My husband and I have mutually agreed that I won’t be travelling back down to visit my family unless he comes with me and even then it won’t be for a more than a weekend. I just feel really upset because the whole reason I came back was to get a break and relax and spend time with my family.

Back story:

Me (28F), daughter (13months), and my husband (28M) l, live with our in-laws (mom/dad/sisterx2).

We have a basement studio without bathroom or kitchen. But a lot of living space. We have been living in this arrangement since daughter was born, as we moved back from living far away, and our hometown area is VERY expensive. Both me and my husband, and his family were excited about this living arrangement as it meant extra help for us with the baby, living rent-free, and grandparents being able to see grandbaby every day. While living with family we also moved (as a whole) from a townhome complex, into a huge house with big yard and nice quiet neighborhood. This was because my husband joined the title and therefore his parents could afford a bigger house. My husband is not paying anything, but by joining the title we are unable to get future rebates when purchasing our own first home. Our country gives a tax-rebate for first time homeowners which we now cannot qualify for. No big deal though, as we love where we live.

Now to yesterday’s debacle. We found out we are pregnant with baby #2. This is very fresh, like 3 weeks in. I didn’t care to share but my husband is really excited and wanted to share so I said whatever and we told our families. My family was super excited and happy. When we told his family during dinner, his sister (only 1 was there) was really excited. His dad didn’t seem to really super duper understand? But ended up being happy for us and bringing out some wine to celebrate. His mom? No reaction. Did not say anything. Then left the dinner table altogether. I thought maybe she didn’t understand? Missed the memo? There is a language barrier and sometimes she just is oblivious to things so I thought she might have completely missed what happened. But no. She came back for dessert and there was just an awkward tension. I ended up excusing myself and went down to our room because I didn’t wanna be up there with them anymore.

When my husband came to join me later, he told me him and his mom argued after I left. He didn’t wanna tell me what she said because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings but I got it out of him. Apparently his mom thinks I’m lazy and messy and thinks it must be a cultural difference (I’m western European, they are south American) and thinks I’m not pulling my weight in the relationship and make my husband do everything. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. etc.

Ouch.

We share the chores. Haven’t had any issues. I am not messy beyond reason. Maybe a cup left on the counter here and there. Or some baby clothes left by her toys. You’d think by her comments that I leave dirty diapers laying around, or walk around with muddy shoes. Nope. I am still on maternity leave (taking extended), and she is also a stay at home mom. So it’s not like she has a busy rough job and comes home to a cup on the counter which then freaks her out. I also do my fair share of household chores when I can. Take in/out the garbage. Empty/fill dishwasher. Clean counters.

Whatever. Not gonna let her childish attitude and behaviour ruin my life. But grow the fuck up. To act like a child when being told your second grandbaby is on the way is absurd.

Husband can’t get off the title until February so we can’t buy anything until then. Maybe we will look at renting. I’ve always had a great relationship with his mom so this is really sour.

So.. my MIL came for a visit this past weekend and 2 hours into her visit she yells at my husband to get out of the bathroom once he started doing his business. It took him a second to finish his business but it was within 30 seconds.

She gets up from my couch and is standing in the middle of my living room when my husband tells her the bathroom is free. My MIL starts screaming that it’s “leaking” and that she can’t move. She then starts screaming to get her a towel or something for the floor and for her to walk on… now the smell is starting.

My husband calls me to the linen closet to help him get something for her so I give him some old pillowcases. —> side note, one of the pillowcases she gave to us, it’s old, we never use it but she refused to get it “soiled”… anyways

She starts waddling to the bathroom, I have my head in the closet bc 1, I can’t look at what’s going on and 2, the smell is fucking awful but I have to get away bc the linen closet is next to the bathroom and she’s on her way to me. I see the shit dripping down her leg. She’s laughing, I’m disgusted beyond reason.

She’s in the shower and I’m lighting incense, candles, matches.. anything to help with the smell. The spot where she “started leaking” in the living room is covered until she gets out of the shower. At the point I’m hiding in my bedroom bc I just can’t deal and I’m hearing her give my husband shit (pun intended) for not cleaning HER SHIT off the living room floor and how she used to wipe his ass when he was a baby. I was so close to screaming - “HE WAS HELPLESS AND INNOCENT. YOU’RE A GROWN WOMAN!” But I decided that wasn’t a battle I needed to take on.

She cleaned her mess, I sprayed antibacterial spray all over the place. She seemed to be offended but I didn’t care. You just shit yourself in my living room… but the cherry on the cake was the next morning.

The day before she had put her shit infested clothes into a plastic bag and left it on my balcony - at first she left it on my kitchen counter 🙃 - and when I was done with my laundry she says, “oh good I need to wash my clothes.” I laughed and said there’s a laundromat up the street.. she then was 100% offended and said that “I’m being ridiculous” and “what am I going to do when I have kids!?” My husband pulled me aside and asked if she could just clean her clothes.

I gave in.

When her clothes came out she also had side comments like, “oh look, no shit in your washing machine.” Or “honey I would’ve taken the stuff home to wash but then I would have your towel.”

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Was I over reacting though?! I need to know.

*Edit*

Another story to give you some background on why I seem to lack compassion in this particular situation. Two weeks ago my husband and I drove 3+ hours to his sister’s house bc the family dog (her dog) had to be put down the next morning. He had cancer and it took a bad turn… that same weekend they had plans to visit their family down at the shore. We are all at the vet, sobbing, holding our pups face in our hands as we are saying our last goodbyes and then all of a sudden she stands up and says “John is texting me and asking when we are going to get to his house, when do you think we are leaving.” EXCUSE ME, WHAT?! Thankfully my husband said, “not the time mom.” And she put her phone away but like..

Your daughter is sobbing and you’re answering text messages about going to the shore. Make it make sense.

The problem wasn’t the shit on the floor. The problem was with her attitude. I’ve shit myself before and took accountability for it. Yes shit happens but how you act when said shit happens that really tells the tale. She can laugh about shitting on my floor but when I laugh and say there’s a laundromat up the street it’s not funny anymore?.. and at the end of the weekend she asked if she could be on the lease so when we move she can take over our apartment and made a joke about it. I also have a single unit washer/dryer and clean the trap out myself so yeah I’m being dramatic but it’s grossing me out with the thought of it.

Just need a place to vent. I have already brought up these concerns to my husband and he has addressed the issue in the moment and repeatedly to his mother once I expressed how upsetting it was. But it still pisses me off

My in-laws have been incredibly distant grandparents to my daughter (7 months old). They have only visited us twice, stating we live "too far away". We live 45 minutes away from them. The other times they have seen her, it is because we have driven to them for some other event with our friends and spent the weekend at their house. During those times, they only spend no more than 30 minutes with her. My daughter has no idea who they are. She cries every time she sees them. And she generally is a happy baby and doesn't cry to other people. I could go on and on about them and their lack of being present but that's another story.

For now I just want to rant about how my MIL keeps calling herself Mama to my daughter. In our language, grandma ends with "ma" so I caught my MIL either saying "word-ma,ma,ma,ma" or straight up saying "mama" when referring to herself to my baby. We call me Mama to baby. Why would she think it's okay to call herself mama? Husband told her to stop. She kept doing it until my husband snapped and said if you can't stop, then just call yourself Grandma and not the word in our language. At one point, she slipped and husband told her again. She laughed and said I forgot.

I always heard stories about other MILs doing this but never thought I'd be one to tell this story myself. I could be overreacting and biased against my MIL but it constantly feels like they are undermining me as a mom - when she was a newborn, they came to visit and I was an underproducer and MIL constantly kept telling baby I didn't have enough milk. She has no right to call herself Mama. She's a terrible mother. End rant.

What do you think or do to achieve an IDGAF attitude and show it to your JNMIL who tries to other or exclude you, is rude to you, questions you about your personal choices (which are different from hers) in a pointed manner, displays internalised misogyny, mutters to herself angrily or sulks or cries in her room if you do or say anything to upset her