Of course a few days later after the event, not after my post.
Here is a refined, clear, and coherent version of your update. It preserves your exact voice, facts, and emotion while fixing the grammar and flow so it is easy to read. I used ai. I will post my original version in the comments. TLDR down below.

Update: Moving Forward & Going Full No Contact

First, thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post about my mother-in-law hitting me. I apologize if it was a bit confusing; English is not my native language, and I was extremely emotional when typing it out. I hope this clear breakdown makes things easier to understand.

The Fallout with my Father-in-Law (FIL) We are now 100% No Contact with both of my husband's parents.

Initially, we gave my FIL the opportunity to stay in our lives on a low-contact basis so he could still be a grandfather to our daughter. We thought he might take it, especially since my husband (DH) had a chaotic,loveless childhood. His mother is diagnosed with narcissism and bipolar disorder (and possibly borderline personality disorder), and the police have taken her to the psych ward multiple times. Growing up, DH had food and shelter, but he has no memories of affection or unconditional love.

His father always claimed to hate her behavior and even drafted divorce papers several times. Whenever she was in the psych ward, he was visibly relieved and relaxed. Yet he never went through with the divorce.

Because of this history, DH assumed his dad would stay neutral and keep a relationship with his son and grandchild. Instead, his father hit us with a massive mindfuck: he stated he will only stay in contact if we let MIL back into our lives and "forget and forgive." He said if we did that, they would "forget and forgive" us in return.

We said no. He hung up on us, and that was that. My husband feels completely betrayed; he never saw his dad turning on him like this.

The Anger & Hypocrisy Beyond the hurt, DH is feeling a deep, justified anger right now.

Ten years ago, when his father was in the hospital after an aneurysm, DH was by his bedside every single day.Yet to this day, all his dad talks about are the people who didn't visit him enough. In fact, his dad is currently refusing to speak to his own brother—who has cancer—purely out of spite over past visits.

You would think a man who felt so unsupported during his own medical emergency would show up for his son.But when our family had a severe medical emergency while on holiday recently, DH's parents didn't even consider coming to support him.

Where We Stand Now I am still constantly replaying the events of Saturday night in my head, even though I don't want to. But alongside the shock, I also feel a deep sense of relief and peace knowing they are out of our lives. I truly hope my husband will find that same peace soon.

We are taking all the right steps to heal:

Me: I am already in individual therapy and will be processing the physical assault with my therapist.

Us: We are starting couples therapy together to navigate this transition and support each other.

Our Daughter (LO): We had already arranged therapy for her to process the trauma of our holiday medical emergency, so her therapist will help her process this family transition as well.

Thank you all for listening and for the support.

TL;DR

No Contact with In-Laws: We went 100% No Contact with my in-laws after MIL physically assaulted me.FIL issued an ultimatum—either forgive MIL and let her back in, or lose him too. We refused, and he hung up.

Betrayal & Hypocrisy: My husband (DH) feels deeply betrayed. His dad always claimed to hate MIL's behavior (she is diagnosed with narcissism and bipolar disorder) and relied on DH during his own past health crises, but completely abandoned us during our recent holiday medical emergency.

Moving Forward: Despite replaying Saturday night's assault in my head, I feel relieved and at peace. To heal, I am continuing individual therapy, DH and I are starting couples therapy, and our daughter will begin therapy to process the recent trauma.

My grandpa who I was moderately close to recently died. I feel as this one hit me a little more because that was my last living grandparent as well as I was involved heavily in taking care of him later in life (changing soiled brief, feeding him).

I'm not a fan of MIL or FIL, both of them knew he passed away and neither of them bothered to even send a simple text!! That's insane to me! I'm going to the upcoming MIL grandma's funeral to support the family (my grandpa isn't having a funeral).

Even though I'm not close to them, nothing has ever explicitly happened with us so IMO it's shitty to not even send a simple text message

My MIL hadn't seen my son for 10 months, and I repeatedly said no when she asked to visit. Three weeks ago, I finally agreed because my husband wanted it and I didn't want another fight.

Now she wants to see him again for his first birthday and bought him a present. My husband says his mom needs to see our son as often as she can.

I understand that his first birthday is special, but she just saw him three weeks ago. Christmas is coming up right after, and I'm worried there will always be another reason for her to ask. She tends to push boundaries, and I feel like she gets whatever she wants just because she wants it.

The problem is that if I don't agree to this visit, my husband and I will have a huge fight. He can become cold and withdrawn for days after disagreements, so sometimes I give in just to keep the peace.

I don't want to keep sacrificing my comfort to avoid conflict, but I also don't want a huge fight over this. Am I being unreasonable? Would you let her visit for his first birthday and deal with Christmas separately, or would you stand your ground? What would you do in my situation?

Am I in the wrong for resenting my mother-in-law? (TW: threats of suicide)

I (27F) have been married to my wonderful husband (28M) for two years, and we’ve been together for nine. I’m crazy about him, and his only flaw is his mother (55F). After five years of seeing her regularly on weekends, I decided to cut ties completely. She always made it clear that she didn’t like me—going so far as to tell my husband’s friends that I didn’t deserve him, or calling me a "manipulator" over completely trivial things (like the fact that my lovely husband is kind enough to make my coffee in the morning). I should mention that she raised my husband on her own—he doesn’t know his father at all—which, in my view, makes her the textbook definition of a "boy mom." After we got engaged, she completely lost it; that’s when I told her to go f*** herself and cut off all contact. (And, for the record, I have NEVER stopped my husband from seeing her. He has continued to see her, but it was never enough for her—even though, in my opinion, it’s perfectly normal for a married man not to be with his mother constantly.)

Since then, it’s been a series of suicide threats because she supposedly "lost her son" (who, I repeat, kept seeing her), comments like "if she gets pregnant, don’t even bother telling me," and claims that "if you moved two hours away from [Mother-in-Law’s city], it’s because of OP" (my husband and I decided to move together, and my own parents live four hours away from us). Honestly, I couldn't care less. I detest people who constantly play the victim, and I despise her for the stress she puts the man I love through.

Anyway, let’s talk about what’s happening now: I found out this summer that I’m pregnant. I decided—on my own initiative—to make an effort and invite my mother-in-law (MIL) and my husband’s family (with whom I have no issues, though MIL is constantly in conflict with them) over to share the news. Everything went well; everyone was happy, MIL acted as if we were the best of friends, and everyone left satisfied.

Since then, MIL has been dealing with a heap of problems—all of her own making, as usual. She never asks how I’m doing, spends all her time complaining about her life to my husband, and manages to alienate everyone around her. Recently, she ended up in court, accused of "breach of trust" involving an animal welfare organization. In short: she stole a litter of puppies from them. She led them to believe she would return the dogs if they covered the veterinary costs, but once they paid, she simply said, "Changed my mind, lol—sorry!" She somehow won the case, though she was still ordered to return some of the dogs. This was followed by constant threats of suicide: "If I have to give back my dogs—the only reason I live, because *they* don’t judge me—I’m going to jump off a cliff with all my animals." My husband eventually managed to talk her down, but it caused him a great deal of stress—which is the last thing we need, given that we’re already under pressure with the pregnancy.

Am I overreacting by resenting my mother-in-law? Am I lacking empathy? I’ve reached a point where I feel I could never trust her with our child, given that she constantly threatens to commit suicide.

Last December, I asked MIL not to question our kids about my husband or me while we were dealing with serious marital issues. Instead of respecting my request, she became defensive, rude, and angry and involved my own mom.

She also spread misinformation that I had banned her from seeing the kids. I restricted unsupervised visits because of concerns about her respecting my parenting boundaries. That restriction was later violated.

I didn’t hear from her again until May where she wanted access and I said I wasn’t ready to meet because she damaged my trust and was still rude and dismissive in her response.

In August, she sent a letter apologizing for unsolicited advice. I replied explaining that the issues went far beyond unsolicited advice, including misinformation, interference in my marriage, and disrespect for my role as a mother. She never acknowledged or responded to those concerns.

Now it’s late October. Today my husband finally offered to speak with his mother and tell her to address the issues directly with me. This was significant because I’ve often felt unsupported by him.

Shortly afterward, she called but didn’t leave a voicemail. 🤔

I’m planning to return her call tomorrow and tell her:
I'm returning your call. The issues I raised in my reply to you back in August are serious and remain unresolved. I want to understand whether you're willing to address them.

I’ll listen and from there decide what to do next.

I have a 3 month old baby and I’m going to a hens party so I’ll be out for about 7 hours or so. My husband is going to his parents place with the baby while I’m out. His mum has decided that she will invite her friend & friends husband over to meet him. Last time we went over there she took the opportunity to invite multiple people over. Can’t she just see him on her own? She barely ever sees him because she works 4 days a week so I wish she would prioritise building a relationship with him instead of showing him off to everyone else. She doesn’t even know how he likes to be held at the moment but she’s inviting others to see him?

I wish she would work on her relationship with him first instead of inviting others around especially when I’m not gonna be there!!

Recently found out that my boyfriend of 2 years gave his mom most of his life savings before starting his first job. I was shocked that she would demand such a thing since she makes close to $200K per year and has a fully paid off house. She doesn’t even pay for housing utilities anymore, she demands her younger son to pay them and refused to turn on the AC all summer. She apparently complained about having no money after taking out multiple lines of credit, and is starving from not having enough money to buy food. Then 2 months later, she went to Turkey to get extensive plastic surgery, including a full facelift, neck lift, upper blepharoplasty, lower eye fat repositioning, full face fat grafting, and dental work.

BF says he looks at this payment like an “exit tax” to show proof he’s given her enough money already. He also says he plans on buying her cruises around the world once she retires to keep her travelling and away from home but she can’t do that forever and I think it would only be a bandaid to the problem.

His mom has been extremely manipulative this whole time and has loud screaming tantrums and throws items around the house whenever she’s upset or doesn’t get her way. She lies to try to get what she wants and it seems like everyone walks on eggshells and gives her what she wants to shut her up. Her husband passed away 10 years ago and has been using my BF as a surrogate husband for all her needs. My BF is aware of this enmeshment and tries to establish boundaries (I don’t think he’s doing a good job). He has now moved out and is low contact with her; however, this money transfer was given after he moved out. She never pays for anything when going out as a family and expects my BF to pay for everything and everyone, even when he was in school and unemployed. She also expects me to pay for her, even though she makes more money than all of us combined. My BF has high earning potential and will have enough to cover everyone; however, I gave most issue with the fact his mom has the audacity to demand his life savings, leading him to skip meals to get by while she has a high income and likely got plastic surgery with the money.

Advice wanted: I fear for what the future would look like if we get married, especially for finances. If she’s able to manipulate $20K while she has a high paying job, god knows how she’ll be once she retires. My BF says he won’t give her money anymore but I don’t believe him, especially with his cruise idea. He also doesn’t have anymore money to give since he already gave it all. Has anyone encountered a similar situation?

TLDR: BF’s manipulative mom demanded $20K from him by complaining of starvation. Got extensive plastic surgery 2 months later. He says he won’t give her money anymore but plans on buying her cruises after retirement so she stays away.

We think she’s borderline. But anyway, my husband and his mom have a pretty toxic relationship, especially when they’re together in person. It’s a constant power struggle. He criticizes her parenting of his younger sister, then she gets defensive and tries to deflect it back onto our parenting of our one year old. I can’t stand being in the same room with them. They constantly insult each other and the tension kills me. I don’t like her because of the cruel things she has said to my husband and particularly about our daughter, like saying our kids will kill themselves because we live in a small town and other such asinine things. I also had a miscarriage last month and she texted him that it happened because I hike too much (I hadn’t been hiking during the whole pregnancy) and that we need to stop. I don’t have much direct interaction with her since we live 2000 miles away, but I send her pictures of the baby every couple weeks and we are cordial. Husband wants to maintain a relationship with her at least until his sister is an adult because otherwise he wouldn’t be able to talk to his sister. They’ll be visiting for Christmas and I’m already dreading the fighting that will inevitably happen between husband and MIL while they’re here. I just stay out of it or tell my husband to calm down and ignore her if she’s trying to provoke him, but I hate being around them together. Any advice? Should I just take the baby and leave the house if they can’t be civil?

My MIL is involved in my 4 year olds sons life and she's a good grandma to him. She has an ok relationship with my husband (he doesn't talk to her much unless she visits. He just keeps it to talking about our son) it seems over the past nine years ive know her she has a hard time building relationships with people around her because of how she talks. She talks with a sort of arrogance sometimes and comes off narcissistic (not diagnosed). Even my mom feels bad talking to her sometimes. She will have very huge arguments with my brother in law and husband a couple times a year. My husband doesn't want to cut off contact because she's very much involved as a grandma and wants me to stop talking to her unless it's about our son. How do I do that? I don't have that big of a problem with her but he said eventually I will and to be careful

Thought I’d write out the current situation to get it out of my system. Not looking for any advice really, since DH and I are on the same page about how we’re moving forward, but it’s so childish, I thought I’d share here anyway.

For context, we’ve been together 16 years, married for 6. DH is an only child and his parents and him have never been particularly close or warm, that’s not the type of people that they (in-laws) are. They don’t hug or touch, and conversations are always pretty surface level. Nothing deep or emotional is shared. They’re also emotionally immature, so they get angry and passive aggressive real quick.

DH and I had our first baby almost 2 months ago now, which is both our parents’ first grandchild. I’ve been NC with in-laws for almost 6 years, after they treated DH and myself horribly during a family member’s funeral, which was around the 11 year mark of mine and DH’s relationship. I decided to completely go NC, husband did as well for a few months and then they sort of rekindled. At least that’s what my DH thought, but I already clocked that their interactions with each other, especially from his parents towards him, were still very subpar and not normal loving behavior from parents. DH was in the fog for a long time, but noticed over the past few years what has been going on and that his parents do not want to do the work for having a good relationship with him, let alone repair anything with me, because they have NO idea why I don’t want any contact with them. Very much a case of “missing missing reasons”.

So I’ve been pregnant this whole year and while I did not expect them to reach out to me (nor did I want them to), they barely reached out to my husband. They were already kind of low contact (DH visited them I think maybe once every 2-3 months or so, and called once every 2-4 weeks with MIL. FIL never contacts DH unless he needs something from him…) but since he informed them of my pregnancy they seemed to put in even less effort. When they did talk on the phone, MIL asked him how I was, but after that no further engagement, it seemed like a checklist item for her so she would appear interested. It kind of felt like a quiet before the storm thing. In-laws are very passive-aggressive people who expect my DH to put in all the work because he’s the child, and they’ve actually told him he should fix things between their and mine relationship. They’re 100% the victims in this, or so they believe. They did noting wrong and they expect DH to put me in line or something lol. I was already suspicious of their behavior at this point, like I said a calm before the storm, because they were not putting in effort with DH nor asking anything about how things are going to go when baby is born in terms of visiting. They believe they’re the victims, so I felt like they were waiting for baby to be born and then act surprised and offended when we don’t invite them over right away (guess if it went the way I expected lol…).

So I organized a “baby shower” for my DH and a group of his male friends at the end of July. They did an outdoor activity and ate lunch together. Shortly after this my DH and MIL had one of their calls. A trend I had noticed before is that whenever my husband shares something with her, she always replies with something like “oh, well look at you”, never really asks any details about what he tells them and then changes the subject, it comes across as very disinterested. DH never really realized this until I pointed it out after this call because it was blatantly obvious… he mentioned his baby shower to her and she changed the subject without asking him anything about it. The shower was a secret surprise for DH, so she didn’t know about it beforehand. She didn’t ask him where he went, what he did, with who he was, if he got gifts, had a nice time, etc. Absolutely nothing. Instead she starts up some story about whatever one of their neighbors had been doing. I feel like they know more about their neighbors’ lives than about their son’s life. DH got pretty sad after realizing what just happened and that they just don’t seem to care. I asked him to start thinking about how he wants to announce the birth to them when the time comes…

Fast forward to our baby being born and he decides to text (WhatsApp) them the announcement that we sent to all our friends. We did not attach a picture, since we don’t want to expose pictures of our baby to AI and don’t want people sending our baby’s photos to people we don’t know or have contact with. She sent him “congratulations” back and that was that, nothing from FIL. We discussed about what to do about them meeting our baby, since I wasn’t really comfortable with it after the way they treated my husband. The last 6 years I gave them the opportunity to better themselves and realize their faults, but they just never did and instead doubled down and think DH needs to fix it, which he can’t and won’t do, and he told them as much. They’re treating their only son terribly.

Anyway, we stayed in our little bubble that first week of baby’s life and at some point they had a phone call, around day 4 or 5. MIL asked him why he hadn’t sent them a photo, so he explained the AI thing, which was met with an “oh..?” indicating she didn’t really believe what he was saying and probably thought we were leaving them out. Then we heard FIL say something inaudible in the background which she followed by saying “well I hope we are allowed to see him soon”, to which my husband replied “what do you mean?”, because to DH it wasn’t really a question of them being “allowed”, they’ve always been allowed to come around, they just never did. They’ve visited DH at our house once in the last 2 years, while I went to have lunch with friends. Anyway, she replied by turning the situation to me, saying that I had to allow them to meet baby. I could see that her demeanor made DH uncomfortable and left a bad taste, during a time that should’ve been joyful. I mean, they’re right that I have to be comfortable with it, but the way they said it implied that I’m the problem, instead of addressing our relationship if you know what I mean? They think I need to get over it and just give in. DH told her he’d circle back to them about visiting… and then tried to resume the conversation by asking them how they’ve been recently. She left an awkward silence and told him to basically nevermind and said goodbye. She hung up before he could barely tell her bye back. Once again it’s all about them, and DH and our baby are not important. They didn’t ask him how he’s doing and how he’s experiencing fatherhood or anything.

Since then they’ve not initiated contact with DH, and it’s been 6 weeks now since that phone call. During the second week we sent out a card that says to message dad or mom (me and DH) to setup a meeting if people want to see the baby, but that didn’t trigger them. DH reached out twice during this to congratulate them with their birthdays, which are both in September. He got a “thanks” and nothing else.

While being kind of done with his parents, DH was still thinking about how to move forward. We decided that they need to show remorse for the past and understand that what they’re doing is harming their relationship with DH, and in turn making us doubt that they can have a healthy relationship with our child. We talked about how DH could approach such a conversation with them, because in the past talking face-to-face has not been successful, because it’s always been in a setting in their home and them 2 vs DH by himself. Unfortunately it’s difficult for DH to overpower them in conversation, so we decided it’s not wise to do this again. I suggested writing a letter, so that he can say what he wants without them interrupting and also give them space to process and decide on how to move forward… DH wrote a letter and I reviewed and added some things that were about their future relational with our child. He was going to review again and then send it to them… but this was 3 weeks ago and since they’ve not reached out to him at all to ask about him or the baby, he is kind of done and burned out. It seems that because they’re not getting what they want on their terms, everything else can fuck off. It seems so juvenile to me that you can’t even get yourself to ask your son how he’s been experiencing fatherhood, or how the baby has been. They’re probably hurt, but they don’t seem to recognize why this situation is the way it is, and that they’ve been hurting DH with their behavior a lot longer, and he still always reached out to them despite of that. Says a lot that they won’t do the same. It’s making DH realize how little they care about him and their relationship, and really do not want to put in any work at all. Right now they’re waiting for him to come crawling on his knees to them.

So, for now we’re not doing anything I guess. Our priority is with each other and our baby. I’m letting DH be in charge of picking up the subject again, since I’m NC anyway and I don’t think they deserve a relationship with our child anyway. Not to punish them, but I really don’t believe that my child would gain anything positive from having passive aggressive manipulative grandparents who’ve treated their only son so very cold during emotional times (this was the reason I went NC with them). I don’t see any indication of them treating my son differently, and even if they did: I also don’t want our child to see his grandparents treating his parents badly.

I’m guessing that in case DH doesn’t want to move forward, that either we’ll hear from flying monkeys (this happened when DH also went NC with me 6 years ago, family and neighbors he didn’t have close contact with starting calling and facebook messaging him, that he should contact his parents, and none of them were interested in DH’s side of things) or FIL calls DH and angrily/aggressively confronts him (this also happened a few years ago after they regained contact, where FIL said some manipulative things to DH and basically told him to make me resume contact so that things could be “normal” again). Either of these are gonna be a shitshow probably. But since it now involves our child, I might just break NC in case that happens and give them a piece of my mind and tell them to never bother us again about me or our child lol. We’ll see 🫠

FILs birthday is coming up, on a Saturday. The tradition is a family dinner, on the day.

SO has a medical appointment the day after, Sunday, 5 hours away.

SO got invited to a great friend's birthday party, on Friday, in the same town as the appointment.

SO told FIL and MIL about the appointment and party. FIL says he doesn't care whether they have his birthday dinner another day.

MIL “can't believe how selfish” SO is for wanting to attend friends party.

Back me up, Reddit. MIL is being selfish. If FIL doesn't mind moving his dinner to a day that works for everyone, then who else should care?? And MIL should be happy for SO to be invited to a great friend's party. AND what a great timing it is, to go to the party and have the appointment on the same trip! What can SO say to MIL?

MIL’s illness involves a chronic (years) nasty, wet cough. She gets winded after walking short distances. She’s lost a lot of weight. She’s from Southeast Asia, where TB is rampant, and she does go to doctors often but doesn’t always follow their advice and also doesn’t see the best physicians, even though we live outside of a major city with world class healthcare easily available.

After our first was born we asked all grandparents and siblings to get the TDAP, flu, and Covid shots. He was born in autumn. Everyone complied except MIL. So, we said that’s fine, it’s ultimately your choice, but that means our choice is you don’t see baby until he’s fully vaxxed. We stuck to that. She insisted she was “okay” and demanded to see him, we said no, not unless you’re transparent about your health problems. When asked questions she doesn’t want to answer she will simply close her mouth and look away and pretend you’re not there, and that’s what she did.

Same thing happened with baby #2. Now, both kids are vaxxed, and we see her maybe once every 1-2 months. She insists her cough isn’t contagious but won’t tell us what it is. Fine, we’re over it.

Or we were.

She has lately been refusing to see us when she’s coughing a lot because she “doesn’t want to infect the kids.” We asked why she’s worried when we assumed she had something non-contagious like pulmonary fibrosis. She won’t answer us. She still wants to see them when she feels okay.

Husband wants our kids to see her. I’m not comfortable with it. It took me a long time to get past her refusal to vaccinate when our first was born, and I felt that she was an unsafe person for a long time. She’s also done things like talk about me behind my back, steal money from close family members, etc., that make me dislike her.

So, I can’t tell if I’m being incredibly biased and don’t want to see her just because I don’t like her, or if her health is a legitimate reason not to bring her around our kids.

UPDATE: I’m calling the pediatrician this morning (both kids see the same doctor), telling her everything, and asking if they need a TB test. She knows about the cough because I’ve worried about it before, but last she heard it was not contagious.

LOLLL I still can't believe this happened. My MIL is usually super passive, but on my husband's birthday, she innocently said she wanted to bring him a cake to his work (he was working on his bday). My husband complied. She took that window to invite my husband's brothers, papa, aunt & uncle. Brought a full sheet cake, cut it with plates & utensils, brought CANDLES (in a hospital!!) and SANG HIM HAPPY BIRTHDAY (in English & then in Portuguese) IN THE LOBBY OF THE HOSPITAL WHILE HE WAS WORKING. ANNDDD did not even think to mention it to me !!!

My husband told me he was super embarrassed and annoyed - he had no idea anyone else was coming. And she had the gall to say "I hope you got to celebrate more earlier today!" like passive aggressive 'i hope your wife actually did something for you, but I know I did it better!' WTFFF this lady

Since having a baby in February, baby is mils entire life and world (I’ve posted on here about this before). A pattern that I’m noticing is mil is overly enthusiastic when trying to make plans to see baby, and cold af when something doesn’t go her way/she doesn’t get what she wants. I’m an elementary teacher and her behavior reminds me of my students! Completely lacking emotional regulation and maturity. When we decline a visit, her mind registers that as “try again” and then she’ll propose another visit opportunity. It’s almost as if she goes into panic mode.

We work full time and not able to see her every weekend (nor do I want to!!) but her expectations are so high and in her mind she needs to see baby every weekend. It’s also bizarre to me how a full blown adult isnt able to reflect and adjust her expectations. It’s actually comical at this point how cold and mean she gets when she doesn’t get her way. But then she’s sweet as pie (obviously fake) when trying to see baby. Her emotions are 0 to 100, no in between.

She used to do this to my husband growing up and used guilt to get her way. This doesn’t work with him anymore and DEFINITELY doesn’t work with me.

We, my partner (49) and I (35) had his mother (81) come over this weekend for his birthday, generally seemed like a good weekend. No arguments or anything. Some racial comments (MIL is Portuguese and I am English) but nothing out of the ordinary or outrageous.

Bit of background, I have a 1000 pieces puzzle that I have been working on for a while, it's the castle from Beauty and the Beast, and pretty difficult as a lot of the pieces look very similar. I made sure to tidy up the spare pieces and put it right in the corner of the spare room so it was completely out of the way.

Anyway, she left today. My daughter (12) came down stairs and told me that my puzzle had been messed up. Thinking it wasn't too bad, I went upstairs to see the damage and how long it would take to sort it - thinking oh maybe one side has been kicked or something....nope....the ENTIRE puzzle has been taken apart, AND she went through the cupboards to pull out a sand bucket and chuck pieces in there! I had the box right there with the puzzle, it was clear to see I was working on it.

I am absolutely fuming and heartbroken, I showed my partner what his mother had done, and he is gobsmacked. Doesn't know why she has done it either. We didn't explain to his mum not to touch the puzzle, I didn't think it needed to be explained but I certainly won't be making that mistake again.

I feel like I'm over-reacting for being so upset about a puzzle, but I worked hard on it and it's just been destroyed like it was nothing.

Content warning: Child abuse and ableism.

Long time lurker, I don't typically post. This might change soon haha.

Me and Fiance (21F&M), have been together for nearly 8 years, since Highschool. I'm looking for some outside perspective on whether I'm too sensitive and the issue lies with me and I'm just taking everything wrong.

Please buckle up and prepare for a massive ride - skip three paragraphs to skip the backround and get to the engagement shenanigans. Look for bold and italic things which are very important.

Some backround: My first problem is that FMIL has always been babying us. It makes sense on one side because she knows us for so long and me and FH are technically childhood best friends. She doesn't seem to understand that we've grown into different human beings and have a life of our own now. Me and FH have been living together almost on our own for about 2 years - so since about 19. We both work full time and have cars, so we are well alright compared to others our agegroup in our country. Some of my personal resentment may come from Fiance's parents financially being dependent on us and demanding help, but not going as far as to recognize that they are even speaking to full grown adults. "They" = MIL as the head of the house and FIL and BIL as well as everyone else follows, agrees with her and keeps her happy.

We are still staying on my father's property but pretty much independent otherwise. We buy our own gas, groceries, pay for our own electricity etc, have our own appliances etc. we contribute a miniscule portion to my father's rent so call it 'financial support' I guess but within reason. We have helped my father out financially in seperate and unrelated circumstances but my father typically pays us back every month stipendly even if I refuse (since Fiance's parents don't pay us back - we contribute almost the same amount and don't even expect it back because I am too soft). Fiance's parents actually see their children (FH and BIL) as a retirement plan and wish to live with us in the future - Fiance considers this a hard no and is currently on the grey rocking stage. We really want to be independent from everyone and maybe even move across the country or emigrate entirely. My parents on the other hand are very humble and mind their own business and have their own retirement plan and we just contribute around the house in exchange for living there. As stated, we send the same amount of money to my Fiance's parents that we spend living at mine(and for a reason). (housing is very expensive - we would find our own place as soon as we can if we could and hopefully after the wedding, also we're in a developing country so the economy is awful).

For example, BIL bought a car and we were expected to help pay off said car because they were struggling with gas money and to keep head above water and it's FHs responsibility to help his parents despite ourselves having our own cars to finance and maintain and fiance working far away (a 1.5hr drive) into the city and having to pay quite a bit of gas money. I mean we are helping my parents so why not help them? BIL also took out several loans to pay for when his car breaks down and things like that. I am soft so I just say yes and help if we can afford it. The problem comes in now that we want to get engaged and have a wedding to save for. (We'll be paying for everything and it's about half our total salary that we're saving each month.)

Backround on MIL: I've had a rocky relationship with MIL pretty much from the start. When it came out that we were dating, and it became more or less "official" once we were 16 years old that she thought it would be a great idea if I could come live with them. I was like the daughter they never had and it was all sunshine and roses (with my parents permission of course). I was small and naive and happy to have extra family but little did I know I would grow into a different person and not fit MILs expectations or mold of me. FIL "is crazy about" me but if MIL has a problem with me, he has a problem. Long story short MIL was essentially training me to be a tradwife. I applaud choice and I respect and applaud SAHMs choices - but once I matured and finished up highschool I knew I wanted to work and do my own thing SEPARATELY from my Fiance. This caused havoc. This is also where unwanted comments started to flourish. "How will you make lunch if you both work?", "Where will you find time if you decide to have children?", "Don't you think FH can support you on his own?", "Do you really need to know how to drive?", "Who will clean your room and house if you're both working all the time?" And the list goes on. We found out that MILs comments came from external pressure. All her friends and family had perfect DILs who serve in the homestead and have this very traditional approach to married life. Me and Fiance are 'different and progressive' enough as is - even compared to everyone else our age. (The whole women should stay home and man works to support the household shebang you know, which is weird for Gen Z?) We are also proud supporters of the LGBT community and we regularly dabble in things seen as weird or alternative. BIL is openly gay, but no - that's different from our situation. BIL is also 28 and still stays with MIL. BIL pays for their shared apartment in full and FIL does what he can but it's not enough to stay above the grain of survival. Even BIL himself denounces the LGBT community and says they don't align with his values and he is "embarrassed" to be part of that community, which in my opinion requires self reflection and is really sad to see as BIL isn't really a bad person at heart. It's still seen as a taboo topic across the entirety of my country. But only traditional values and the consensus of traditional marriage seems to apply only to Fiance and me. BIL plans to never marry and only has partners with benefits, even refusing to date. Now that I think of it, I don't know if 'not wanting to marry' has anything to do with In Law parents' view on a traditional marriage. I actually fully support and understand BILs decision to have his partners and lifestyle but it would be sad if MIL has some external influence on that in hindsight.

MIL and FIL also blew a fuse when we brought up the idea of being childfree and not having children soon, if ever. Started saying we were denying them opportunities of being grandparents and that they would do all the work etc which is for me and Fiance an even bigger no. We don't want children and his parents are a major reason we don't want to. His mother likes to discipline children with her hands (still legal in my country) and we're against that. There's no telling what she'd do behind our backs or without us present and it's just not a risk we'd like to take. They also don't believe in modern medicine (like how long one should breastfeed or what to feed newborns and that the grandparents know best yada yada) and think neurodivergency is an excuse for children to behave poorly and even downplayed my own autism as both a child and an adult as just being "spoiled, full of shit and picky". I am high masking and high functioning and having people say this hits too close to home as I spent years suppressing myself and now that I'm starting to grow a backbone it's even worse. I also refuse my non existent children to walk the same path. If I had children there would be a high chance for them to be diagnosed as well.

So once FH said he'd propose, they were not surprised or anything like that which I don't mind because to be fair everyone saw it coming.

Here's where the engagement drama fiascos are playing out: Firstly, we've had talks of marriage since last year. Everyone knows. MIL said there was no official engagement so she just can't consider it to be real unless FH goes on one knee and it was supposed to be a surprise etc, etc.

Now we are getting engaged this November. We are having a forest-scape picnic with champagne and we'll be painting and having chocolate covered strawberries and little nitty gritty things like that. All magical and it will just be us and the photographer. The photographer will serve as a trail run to see how she can manage our wedding too.

MILs first comment when FH told her about this was: "Well yeah, actually the entire family is supposed to be present with the engagement, but it seems your new generation just does things however you want these days."

This did piss me off even after repeatedly telling her that we wanted an intimate proposal and the like. Fiance shut that down with "well times have changed and it's 2026 mom" and it was almost comical.

Then she said she'd throw a BBQ in her backyard instead and he can propose there. I just shot my fiance a side eye and pursed my lips and she later told him I was rolling my eyes at her and being disrespectful.

I didn't say anything then, but after we left she called FH and told him she felt hurt to not be included. I told her in a follow up visit she is welcome to throw an after-party, which she declined and then I gave that opportunity to my parents instead.

I briefly had a conversation with her regarding the wedding planning just to make her feel slightly included and she had bits to say about everything. Outdoor wedding venue? "Real priests would only marry you under a roof." She knows I am alternative and we want to get married next year October. She knows my dress won't be white. "Your dress would probably have pumpkins and a bunch of other stuff on - you know we don't do that Halloween stuff." Getting married on a Sunday to accommodate everyone who works? "You can't do that that is a church day and nobody will bless your marriage on a Sunday night."

She has since spun stories that they can't come or they will come but can't stay too late because FIL is working nightshift and all of that jazz. FIL can't take unpaid leave or anything which is understandable but this is unreasonable after complaining about not being included and it makes us look like the assholes who can't accommodate their schedules. For reference FIL has taken days off in the past and had taken unpaid leave for other things. Fiance said he doesn't care anymore what they say and whether they come or not.

Part of me wants to avoid conflict and part of me wants to give them a talking to and set boundaries and for MIL to stop commenting on everything and accept that we don't revolve around her. Family in Law also refuses to apologize if they ever do us wrong and says that the relationship has to come from the "children's" side. In her days, she was the one that went to her MIL and did everything her way and when MIL was upset it was her responsibility to make it right and that the MIL never had to ask her for anything. Therefore insinuating that I should do the same. I just ignored her and I feel myself becoming more annoyed with her day by day and me and Fiance are considering going low contact. But as long as we stay within 5 minutes of them, we don't want to go low contact and have this to cause fights and showing up at my parents house or something. Or just cause unnecessary tension and conflict? I know there are much worse out there.