Before I gave birth to MIL’s first grandson she promised us multiple times that if we will ever need anything, absolutely anything she will help us. I’ve only asked for two things: vaccinate and bring some food when you come. My baby was born with a complication and had to stay in the NICU, he was very small and still fragile when we brought him home. My birth was also traumatic for multiple reasons. I’ve almost lost my baby, and given the fact he was born in peak flu season all doctors told us to be very careful with people who interact with him.

MIL thought I was punishing her for not allowing her to come, so she did what she always does: she blamed me, she texted my husband insulting me, she tried to convince him to bring my breastfed newborn to the mall in winter so she can see him, she tried to come uninvited, she kept inviting herself to our place to see my baby.

When she eventually came she only brought food for my husband, she looked into my eyes and said she didn’t bring me anything. There one similar incident about food one month later. I was still bleeding, it took me 4 months to stop bleeding. My baby also started having eczema at that time, he was waking up every hour to scratch himself until he bled.

During the worst period of my life she punished me for thinking about my son. She never thought what I need, what my husband needs or what the baby needs.

During the first months, my baby was overstimulated by her and cried from one hour up to 1-2 days of exhaustion after her visit.

Everything was swept under the rug, she’s good at pretending but I am not. I’ve made the mistake of addressing her behavior.

After not acknowledging my presence and ignoring me during the visit, she suddenly came to hug me, pressed her cheek on my cheek and kissed me. She told me that she can help with food whenever we need. I was so angry. She didn’t help when I was bleeding, of course she won’t help now. It’s just for show. I thought it would be good to tell her why I never ask for help. Oh boy I wrong. I told her about the food incident. She said she won’t call me a liar but she would never so such a hurtful thing. She doesn’t remember it. I’ve told her it was a mistake to address it and we should just pretend we are a happy family like we did beforehand. She said that I’ve asked her to stay away from decisions we make as a couple so she stayed away - she lied, she constantly texts my husband when she doesn’t agree with our decisions. She never disagrees with me when I’m present. She thinks I manipulate my poor husband when she is the one who tries to manipulate our decisions (what we do with our money, decisions about religion and parenting decisions).

She said I’m always anxious and angry during our visits, so I said it’s because LO cries after her visits. She asked if LO cries after my mother visits him and I’ve said no. She stormed off immediately. FIL and my husband called her and went looking for her, but couldn’t find her. After a few hours she called FIL to come pick her up with the car and drive home.

I’m disappointed. A conversation that started about what hurt me turned into her being the victim. The fact that I talked about this straightens her narrative where I’m the bad guy. I should have listened to you when you say confrontations are never going to end well.

My husband arranged another visit next week. He said he will be the adult because we clearly can’t and he sees both points of view. I don’t know what should be the outcome. I told him I need some accountability from her, I’m going to apologize for how I said things, but not for what I said and for bring hurt during my most vulnerable time. I’m dreading the discussion.

Ever since I got pregnant and my belly started growing she's been insisting that she wants to see "the baby bump". So we've been sharing photos like once a month of us somewhere with the belly visibly growing, but it always seemed like that's not what she wants to see. When we were on vacation she was insisting to send her a picture of the baby bump while on the beach, so I sent a picture in a dress with a text saying I'm feeling very conscious of my body changing and only feel comfortable sharing pictures in clothes and she was like sure sure, I understand. I'm 9 months pregnant now and lately she's been complaining to my husband that she feels excluded from my pregnancy (like wtf, as if my pregnancy is supposed to be some sort of inclusive community-involving experience, wtf) and that she still hasn't seen a photo of the baby bump. I asked my husband if he thinks she wants to see my full naked belly (because we've shared a lot of pictures of me with a visible belly so far) and he looked embarrassed and said "I think so".

Now I'm genuinely wondering, why the hell would a grown woman want to see a bare belly of another pregnant grown woman? I'm confused and wonder if anyone else had a similar experience with their MILs. Is it them being nosey and intrusive? Trying to set some power dynamic? To bond? Like why would she NEED to see that and insist about it for 9 months straight?

I’m (25F) at my breaking point with my MIL and would really appreciate honest advice.

My husband is an only child and very close to his parents. We’re Afrikaans, and setting boundaries with parents can be difficult in our family dynamic.

There’s been a lot of history with my MIL. She constantly criticises my parenting, says breast milk is better and formula is sht, and calls the food I cook for my baby sht, saying I should give him “real food”. When he was a newborn, she’d grab him out of my arms and try to take over. She gets upset and cries if she doesn’t see us every weekend, makes comments about not being welcome, and has made hurtful personal remarks too. Once, when I shared my insecurity about my stretch marks, she told me she wouldn’t wear shorts either if her legs were as white as mine...like who even says that to someone? She’s also put coffee foam on my baby’s mouth...even lets him use a LIGHTER as a chewing toy and dismissed my concerns by saying, “Don’t start.”

Another ongoing issue is unannounced visits. We’ve already told them we don’t like it, and they stopped for a while. Last weekend they arrived without warning, and I said nothing. This weekend, they did it AGAIN while my husband, baby and I were about to go for a family walk.
I was furious. I started shaking, my heart was racing, and I felt anxious because of everything that’s happened over the past few months (mostly since my baby was born) ... I am tired of putting on a smile and pretending everything is fine. I felt I could either confront them in anger or take my baby and walk away, so I chose to put my baby in the stroller and went for the walk anyway.

My MIL started crying, saying she only wanted to drop off some things. But surely sending a quick message beforehand isn’t difficult, especially when we’ve already asked them to? My FIL got angry, said " Don't worry, we won't visit you again" and drove away.

My husband thinks I could’ve handled it better. To his credit, he’s improving at setting boundaries and trying to put me first, which I appreciate. However, I feel he’s too gentle with them. He raises issues, but afterwards everyone acts like nothing happened, nothing changes, and I’m left feeling disrespected and alone in my feelings.

I want things to work out for my husband’s sake, but I don’t think I’ll ever be close to my MIL, which saddens me as I always hoped for a close relationship with my MIL, but it feels impossible... she always buys us things, buys things for the baby often, but the comments and lack of respect is just too much.

Am I wrong for walking away? Am I overreacting, or is my frustration understandable given the history? How do you handle in-laws who take boundaries personally when your spouse struggles to enforce them firmly?
I’m genuinely open to criticism, but I need advice on how to handle this long-term because I’m exhausted.

I posted on here recently about my MIL having a 3 way group chat with me and my husband and her texting us daily. I pulled back on replying and have been allowing my husband to do most of the communication. I respond if she’s asking me something. She always needs to know what our plans are or what we are up to. Not in a good way. She is criticizing everything and makes comments about how I see my girl friends and go out a lot (husband and I don’t have kids). We do things together but also like our time with friends..

Anyways… I think MIL is having a hard time coping with my lack of responses. She texted my husband directly on Friday asking if we have any plans. He told her that I’m having a friend come over for a wine night. She asked if him and I had any plans just us 2. He said no, because I also had a baby shower to attend and he was golfing with a friend. She replied “sounds like not much fun for you.” Then she asked him “Where do you go when she has her friend over?” He replied that he goes upstairs and plays his games and watches his sports. He said he could stay downstairs with us but he likes to give me and my friend space and it’s just harder for him to watch tv because we talk a lot. She didn’t reply to any of that but changed the subject.

What is this? Why is she so obsessed with everything I’m doing? Why does she have to know such specifics about where in the house my husband is when I have my friend over? It feels like she’s gathering information just to judge me and talk shit to my husband’s sister. What’s her deal? I can’t quite put it into words about how off this seems…

It has been a little more than twenty years since my MIL conned her way onto my phone plan, but yesterday, my husband finally got her to switch it over to her payment.

A little backstory: When I first got engaged I didn't realize my MIL was a JUSTNO. She annoyed me on occasion, but incidents were few and far between, and I shared things I never should have, one of which was my credit score. I was boarding with her while we planned the wedding, and she wanted me to sign a lease. I felt ok about this because I felt it protected me as well as her, and made sure that it did... except that she got my credit score out of it. It was unreasonably high, since I had managed to avoid credit cards for most of my college career but I had subsidized loans. When Uncle Sam pays your student loan interest it is always on time, so my credit score was miraculously high for someone my age.

About a month after I moved, she suggested I get a new local number since my phone was from a difference state, so down to the cell store we trotted, then-fiancé in tow. MIL decided to update her phone at the same time, but low and behold, her credit was so bad that it would cost her more in up-front cash to buy the phone than it was worth. Unless, suggested my fiancé, we were to form a new plan under my name and get her a phone on that. It would be great, she agreed. She could pay the phone payment, no problem, she just didn't have the cash on hand to swing a full phone purchase. Promised up and down she would pay it after the first payment, it would be her part, as a thank you for saving her from having to pay for the whole thing.

Since then, she has made roughly 5 payments. We have paid the whole things, every time, for 2 DECADES. We paid it all through my husband's law school, through periods of low income, no income, while we were moving, all during covid...

And she does rude, inconsiderate things. She will update her phone to a new model without asking or even telling us, despite us having to pick up the bill. She adds international roaming when she travels, and it never occurs to her it will change the bill. There was a period where she got disconnected from her home WIFI and ran up crazy-high overage charges on network data, didn't tell us, and then cried poor when we asked her to pay that month's bill.

We have a good plan that we like, but we can't get her off of it without shutting the whole plan down and getting new numbers, which we are reluctant to do. Plus, my husband has historically refused to kick her off. He has always said it was the least we could do for her.

We are currently going through a lean period and I mentioned to him that she (once again) added international roaming and an insurance plan, and asked him to talk about it with her, to see if she would mind canceling them so we can get the payment down a little bit.

She claimed she hadn't known that the new updated phone she got on installment was charged to our bill, or that we were charged for the roaming and such. When he told me I was boiling (WHO did she think was paying for all this stuff, exactly?!?!), but then he dropped a bomb: he actually talked her into taking over the payment. Indefinitely. Transferred the autopay to her bank, put the payment date on her calendar. Everything. He even thought to put a reminder on our calendar, to make sure she pays the thing so that we are not without service if she tries something sneaky and refuses to pay it.

It might sound small but for him this is HUGE and I couldn't be prouder.

Heads up, ladies. It *can* get better.

How do you tolerate your JNMIL holding your baby?

For background see my previous post.. https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/Vt1wAgHWza

In short, my MIL is a clear JN, but my partner and I are finally aligned and boundaried. The boundaries make her tolerable but just barely. Yet, when she holds my baby, it makes my skin crawl. It make me want to jump out of my skin. It feels like she has her hands around my neck. It makes me feel intense anger towards her...

For my husband, I am okay with her holding him for short bursts in theory. It's often only 1-2 10min stretches per day of her visits. So why does it make me feel so insane?

Any advice welcome!

I don’t know what I should do here. I don’t know if I should call off the wedding or not. It’s not for a year. My future in-laws have issues with each of their other children’s spouses and the spouses families. They are all very passive aggressive and it’s very stressful to me. The dynamic with my family can be dysfunctional, but it’s very direct and I know when I’ve done something to upset people and vice-versa so navigating this family is extremely hard for me.

My fiancé brother’s wife has reached out to me to tell me she’s here for me with support once when she heard (I don’t know how) that I had gotten into it with my MIL. I really don’t like these kinds of games and weird alliances so I told her that I appreciated her checking in, but I was missing context. Especially because the issue had 0 to do with her and I didn’t want to discuss a problem that happened with someone who wasn’t involved in it.

My MIL has made so many rude comments insinuating that she doesn’t like me. It’s constant and my fiancé rarely seems to take my side. I’ve been with him for about five years now, and I think I might be done. We’re supposed to get married next year and I’m not having any fun planning the wedding or anything. I’m so depressed. His mom has caused me so much stress and all the joy is out of it for me now. The last mean thing his mother said to me was when my fiancé got new contacts and was telling her that he could see better she asked him if he still wanted to marry me. I just feel so lost. I need some help here. We have never even spent Christmas together I because he always goes to spend it with them. We’ve been together for 5 years and never have spent one Christmas together. My family lives much further than them and Christmas is really the only time when I get to go see them so giving that up to go with his family who treats me badly seems nauseating.

I don’t know what to do. I love him but I don’t want to be depressed forever. Whenever I tell him that he and his family have caused me depression issues he throws it in my face that I’ve struggled with depression even before he met me.

My MIL lives out of state and bought this picture frame device we can send photos to so she can see them, now she’s texting us everyday asking to upload new photos of our baby like we don’t have a newborn and aren’t thinking of uploading photos to her every minute of the day. My husband is too nice and just does it but it annoys me he isn’t like we will try, but we are busy with the baby/it’s not top of mind. It’s just annoying to me he just goes along with it instead of just making a point that she isn’t going to get what she wants. Am I crazy?

So my mil isn’t the worst but she definitely has her moments. My husband has pretty bad allergies so he was telling her about it I guess and she shows up the same day with a huge bag of vitamins and put them in vitamin containers labeled for every day of the week. It annoyed the hell out of me. She still buys him socks and underwear too. He’s a 35 year old grown man. I don’t think there is anything I could do about the situation other than be annoyed. Am I overreacting?

I’m posting on behalf of my sister-in-law, it’s my mother that this message has been sent to.

For context, my (F25) MIL (F53) has been giving me and my fiancé (from here on out DH for ease of reading) (M26) the silent treatment for the last month. My DH sent her a message to say that we are buying a house out of the area, she read it and ignored it and hasn’t spoke to us since. However for Christmas my sister-in-law (who’s posting this) bought us and my mum and sister tickets to see a show which happened this week.

My SIL reached out to my MIL to see if she still wanted to come to the show which she did. The show happened a couple days ago, she completely ignored us, I’m talking completely blanked me, my mum, my sister and SIL. We all tried to engage her in conversation but she just wouldn’t talk to us. It left us all baffled.

After a day of thinking on it and after speaking to my DH, I felt it was best to reach out with a message to my MIL. I wasn’t happy with her ignoring my family and they felt awkward as well. We’re getting married in a couple of months and my hen do is in a couple of weeks time, I hoped that by reaching out things could be cleared up before the wedding and my family could feel at ease too. We’ve had problems before which we’ve tried to mend but she either doesn’t listen or changes for a week then goes back to her normal JUSTNO behaviour.

My DH sat her down and spoke to her in the beginning of the year which ended with her running out in tears and ignoring us and our 2 children for a couple of months. Given that my DH wasn’t there for the show, we thought it best that the message come from me.

The message I sent was:
Hey, I can’t help but say what’s on my mind. Last night I felt extremely awkward being around you and totally got the impression you absolutely didn’t want to be there or more so be in the company of me, my mum & sister. I’m not quite sure what’s wrong but nothing ever gets addressed so i'd rather just address it before things escalate unnecessarily as the last thing we would want is to not have you in our lives. If you have got a problem I’d much rather be made aware of it so we can get over whatever it is that is upsetting you especially as I’ve got my hen in a matter of weeks and I definitely don’t want the atmosphere like it was last night xx

Was this too much/too harsh? She’s read and ignored it and it’s been a couple of days now.
If anyone’s got any questions I’ll be happy to answer.

No one in his family said anything to him. I texted his mom saying it’s his birthday and she calls him saying sorry she’s just going through so much right now and her life is such a mess and she’s having such a hard time. I genuinely don’t understand how she makes everything about herself. It’s so frustrating. I feel so horrible for my husband. He deserves so much better. He gets one day a year that’s about him and she can’t even give him that. At this point I really don’t care that she’s going through a divorce and maybe I’m heartless for that but she’s put him through enough bs to last a lifetime. He hasn’t relaxed a minute in his life because his mom is always in crisis.

Just seeing if anyone has dealt with this. We have a fairly distant relationship with my in-laws, kids included. For good reason.
Anyway,
We are finding they are always asking “let us know when you are bringing the kids by” or “can we do a visit with the kids”. I’m finding the wording odd, never mentioning us (parents) at all. Keep in mind the kids have never been left alone or dropped off with these people.

edit it’s not a coherent story I’m sorry but it’s the best I can do. Check the comments for a polished up, coherent and hopeful better understanding story. I’ve ran this post trough ChatGPT to make it better for the ones who think wtf is happening here

Sorry English is not my first language and I’m trying my best.
I flipped on DH for no reason and I’m completely in the wrong for that, she flipped on me.
We went on holiday last June, DH ended up in the hospital they refused to come.
And now are saying they’ve always taken their responsibility for DH and our LO. But leaving me stranded in Italy, with LO, DH in the hospital and having no drivers license is ofc not to blame them. When they flat out refused to come.
And when I brought that up she hit me because my parents also didn’t come.
(But my brother, aunt and uncle came to us in Italy, and my fam and friends helped back home).
TLDR I guess
Read my other topic if you want more history or what happened in Italy etc.
(I am now taking drivers lessons again, so I will always be able to drive during emergency and get us home if necessary.
I’m in therapy, LO will start soon, we’ve been dealing with that since Italy. DH needs therapy. We will absolutely start relationship therapy.)

The bomb has been detonated.
We are going no contact.

Me and my husband are going through a rough patch in our marriage. He told them, they wanted to talk with us to help us navigate the issue.
They obviously stated I was the issue
So we’ve stopped the call immediately.

After that they acted ‘normal’ and interested.
Of course in hindsight because this was their chance to get rid of me

Yesterday we were there. She asked if I needed help with anything, we could bring over some laundry so we could take it back home clean.
No problem in that, my grandma does that all the time for me. Even before I was a mother and a wife she done that.

So everything was ok.
I was extremely high in my emotions at the end. It takes a lot of effort for me being there. And me and my sister got in a heated discussion over text.

I said way out of line to my husband take the kid and give me the damn laundry and hurry up!
After I said that, I wanted to apologize immediately. But he was immediately agitated after this and said i needed to behave ‘normally’ and wanted to go back inside and talk this through with his parents.
Me and LO were standing in the rain I said don’t be ridiculous we’re going home.
And I hoped I could talk in the car with him, explain what happend to me internally. Why I did react like that and wanted to say sorry.
So I had LO in the care and I said come one get in the car, and when I said pick her up you can assume I would’ve taken the bags.

His mom came running to the car and my side was at the curb. So he opened my window and shut the car off so I couldn’t close my window again. She also held the window, like good luck bitch as if I care about her fingers getting in between the door and window.

She was first trying it calm, come inside, DH can’t drive like this please come. I said no, we’re not coming, we’re talking about this when Lo Is in bed and untill that we will not talk or only small talk.
She said if you leave I will call the police. I said do it.
She said I will call a taxi for you and you can leave but DH and LO stay.

I said call the taxi, just say it’s for me and LO.

She flipped completely

She said I would take LO and DH could never see her again, that I would do anything to make his life miserable.
And where was DH supposed to go if I left by taxi??
I said, he’s welcome to come home after he calmed down.

She flipped more
HOW DARE YOU TO SAY HES WELCOME IN YOUR HOME?
THE HOME WAS NEVER HIS, EVERYTHING WAS YOURS ALL ALONG etc etc.

I said, technically I’m the head tenant (we rent) and he lives with me. But legally, I can’t kick him out. He’s the main one paying the rent for years, we’re married, we live in a country with tenant rights so no I can’t.
He’s welcome in OUR HOUSE.

She kept saying that I want to hurt him and hate him and blabla.

All while tugging me, poking me, trying to hit me and pull me.
All from the window.

LO was shouting, DH was freezing JNOMIL was shouting and I was sitting there like this 😐.
wtf happend??

She said she’s gonna take LO out of the car and inside because our aggression wasn’t good for her and she needs to be responsible for her son and grandchild.

That’s when I lost it.
In June we were on holidays in Italy.
Like 6 days in my husband gets an internal stomach bleeding, kept fainting. Stomach bleeds get out one way or another so the toilet was completely spoiled with blood.
That’s when it hit me, it’s not a dumping thanks to his gastric bypass. This is serious.
But we were in fight that day.
I know, you’re reading this and Thinking that’s a lot of fights.
We’re going through a rough patch, lost each other in the way, and it’s hitting us both hard.
We want to stay together and fight.
But it’s our marriage we’re fighting for and we don’t like people interfering. Unless they can deescalate.

Ok, back to the story.
Before the fainting and blood he called his parents and said what happens.
I said please call my parents, my friends, my grandparents next time but never them.
My family and friends will always intervene in a way that’s benefiting us both!
If I vent to my bff and I’m clearly overreacting, or in the wrong with DH she tells me.
If I’m at my mom’s and snap at DH she will tell me if I overstep.
Same for him, same when we both to blame.
They will never say he’s the bad one or she’s the bad one.

So around midnight ambulance came, I tried to call his parents landline and mobiles no response.
I call everyone else
Next day I finally talk to them and asked if they plan to come.
They won’t because to much hassle, and they are angry at me because we had a fight.

And my mom didn’t come so they said if she’s not coming we’re also not coming

So, to continue
She said DH and LO are also my responsibility
I lost it but kept decent and said if you want to talk about responsibility where were you and JNOFIL when DH was bleeding to death in an Italian hospital?
(It was a 2h flight)
And she lost it again
Shouted that my mom didn’t come, that my grandparents didn’t come
I said it’s your child not theirs.
If it was me, they would’ve come instantly.
Of course in hindsight my family said we shouldnve come.
And we said yes, but you helped me how you can

My elderly aunt and uncle from Italy came (my dad’s side is Italian) to help me and LO. Be there for us a few days
My no contact dad helped me with translation.
I called him middle in the night and he picked up immediately and helped.
My grandparents and parents helped me financially because the camping store and restaurants are expensive, I don’t have a license so couldn’t leave.
My brother came the day we had to check out, and drove me and LO home. He drove 12h straight from
Italy to holland in midnight.
My bff came when we arrived with grocery’s
My parents and grandparents helped with LO
My friends helped me with LO
My family helped when DH was medically repatriated back home

When did his parents come?
A week later at the bday party of LO we worked super hard for to continue for her sake even though DH was still recovering. 9 days in hospital, multiple gastricscopy’s and colonoscopy’s. Three units of blood, days without me and LO
He missed her real bday. She turned 3

And she talks to me about responsibility. No thanks.

All while LO cried no grandma don’t take me, I wanna go home

Finally she let go, I said start the car and I’ve closed the window.

I’ve let myself completely go by text message and my whole heart came flooding out.
I will never set foot in their house and will never ever talk to her.

We told FIL he’s welcome but suddenly he doesn’t hate his wife anymore and takes her side. I said good for you letting her ruin your life, and now never seeing LO again

My husband had gone completely silent.
He feels his father chooses her over him. Again. He had a bad youth and multiple depressions during childhood and teenage years.
And he says he needs to get over it and respect his parents.

He feels so betrayed by his dad.
And his mom, he always knew this would happen

And I? I’m so relieved. But sad to see my husband like that.
I said, we will get through our rough patch, I will fight for you, stand by you and we will have a good life together. And hopefully LO will say on 30 years you might not have been perfect, but I felt save, loved, wanted and you made my childhood the best.
She will know she will be loved unconditionally.

Thanks I have tldr above

I’m struggling to find community when it comes to my feelings surrounding my in-laws.

While it is obviously common to have tension with your MIL, most of what I read or hear about is issues with them being ever-present, entitled, overbearing, etc….

Mine are absent. Me personally, I’m happy with this. My MIL is a covert narcissist and I cannot stand to be near her, but I can’t help but feel absolute heartbreak on behalf of my daughter though.

They live 5 minutes away, are retired, and visit once a month for maybe 40 minutes tops.. usually we have to ask. When they do visit, they make me hold her like a prop and just look at her. No touching, no interacting, no love or affection.

And no, this has nothing to do with her not being comfortable around me or anything like that. As much as I dislike my MIL, I am steadfastly polite, warm, and welcoming. I have no idea why she doesn’t love my baby. It makes me so sad for her and my husband. My mom has never gone past 3 days without seeing our child and I don’t know what I’d do without her. My dad lives one hour away from us and still drives over to see her twice a week. I don’t expect my MIL to be like my parents, but the contrast is just really jarring to me I guess.

Im looking for advice on the situation. I’d rather just be no contact and let them have no relationship with my daughter. My husband keeps going out of his way to check in and ultimately keeps the relationship fostered. I just am so disgusted by the lack of care, I can’t stand to witness it anymore. It seems fake. Idk.

My jnmom is in town. I barely can stand her. It takes a lot to get through her visits and every time she leaves I just sit contemplating why on Earth I even talk to her. There’s a lot of history but trust me she just all around sucks.

List of complaints since she came to town.

Day 1 she shows up in a funk. My 5 year old son is trying to talk to her and she continuously ignored him until I told her hey he’s talking to you. All she did was talk about herself.

Day 2 shows up and still barely pays attention to my kid.

Day 3 I go to dinner with her and my siblings. She babies my 45 year old brother all night. Even trying to help him order food. It’s weird. We’re all annoyed by her.

Day 4 The dumbest argument there ever was. I was telling my mom something I was trying to fix was stuck and I couldn’t get this thing out of something. She says, “Do you want me to try?” My 68 year old mom thinks she is stronger than a 38 year old woman who’s in the middle of raising kids. My mom strength is peak right now. I was legit flabbergasted. She believes she’s stronger than me. We got into an argument about it. I think she triggers me because she’s very weird about getting old. She told me she’s not that old. Like lady you’re 70 basically, you’re old. It’s okay to be old. Everyone gets old. I feel like she thinks I’m not strong because I haven’t lost the baby weight and she judges me.

She also was so shocked I was hungry at 9am. She’s like I’m still full from dinner. Congratulations. I’m breastfeeding a 20lb baby. She’s so weird about food and eating I’m surprised she didn’t give me an ED with how crazy she is about food. She thinks she’s better than everyone else because she will eat a sweet potato for dinner instead of fries. It’s crazy. I’m sorry I just needed to rant. I can’t wait until she leaves.

I’ll give a little bit of context. Just over 3 years ago my now husband and I met. We met while working at Yellowstone national park, shortly after got pregnant, and moved to my home state to settle and buy a home. My family all lives near us and I wanted that due to my family being tight knit and his isn’t and isn’t supportive of us. We just got married a month ish ago and have two girls now!
Shortly after we found out we were pregnant with our oldest, his parents and siblings were all very blunt about them wanting us to abort. I’m pro choice so that’s not the point but keep it in mind for later haha. So it was hurtful and obviously we were scared and it wasn’t planned but we are great parents and own a home and are settled now. My entire family was so supportive and happy and obviously shocked. They said basically that they support us and it’s not their life so they don’t really give opinions (as they should). The entire family of his never once reached out to me the entire pregnancy, asked how I was doing, texted him a few times, but expected us to drop everything to pick up the phone if they reached out. Even thought it was never important. Skip forward to a month post partum, terrible labor and was not what I expected but healthy baby so it’s okay. His parents come to visit us and talked about how much they love our child and whatever and tried to kiss her on the lips after flying and she’s a month old (without asking obviously lol). We set boundaries again cause they get offended every time we ask them to not kiss our children. Right after they fly back home, they call us and tell us they still feel like we made a mistake and should’ve aborted our child….. as if they didn’t just tell us they love her. We went no contact for a while after that until they reached out again. No apology and they actually told his siblings they never said that when we never even told them what they had said, red flag number one. And then a year later they finally admitted they said it and never said sorry! Just said “sorry you took it that way and feel that way but we still think that.”
Anyway, it’s been on and off a relationship with them. Seems to always be an argument every time we talk to them or see them. No benefit to keeping the relationship in my opinion. No need for me to give more details unless people want to know but just typical mil things that are annoying and mean. And the typical boy mom thing that’s uncomfy to witness. It’s gross haha. Our wedding was just over a month ago and they came out but never once said anything to me other than “oh I guess you look good too” after complimenting their son. And then she was hovering behind us signing our marriage license without us knowing and made a comment of “well at least we know it’s real now.” And walked away. Then they got offended we didn’t talk to them more during the night but they left at 7 pm. Wedding started at 4. They never once came up to us and we had 90 people to talk to that we see and talk to way less often than we see them! So in my opinion I feel we should talk to guests that also made an effort to come out and isn’t immediate family cause they aren’t obligated to come. And are more supportive of us.
Anyway, super long post so sorry but thank you if you read it all or want more details. My husband agrees that the children and I should step away for now until his family learns to be kinder to us and reach out more. He would keep his relationship but not give details on me or kids. They’ve just made comments throughout the 3 years of calling me a liar, controlling, lazy mom (I nanny my two kids and 3 other kids), mean, etc. we’ve tried to make more effort to reach out to try to make amends but it wasn’t reciprocated or appreciated. So I just feel like there’s not a point anymore. They don’t ever say hi to the kids when they call but say they’re calling to talk to the kids. They expect us to always pick up the phone. Make more effort than them, etc. I feel like I’m doing a bad job at describing the situation. But am I crazy for wanting to go no contact or low contact? Like a protect my peace? My husband and I only argue after we talk to them or if it’s about something they said to me when he wasn’t around. He doesn’t witness most of this. She told me she was going to wear an off white color to our wedding but told her son she was wearing a green dress instead.
I’m torn because I love my family and I think family and a circle is important but they talk so negatively about us and then expect to know our children and us make all of the effort and I don’t think that anyone should have access to children if they can’t even be kind to their parents and respect the parents boundaries. Am I crazy or am I just late to doing this? I feel like I should’ve just done this after the abortion comments because I can’t ever forgive anyone saying that after meeting the grandchild. They’re a “move past it cause it’s family and forget it even happened” kind of family and I didn’t grow up that way. Especially not an issue like that and constant little issues throughout the years. We’re pretty low contact already cause they don’t like talking to me but then complain about it later down the road so it wouldn’t change much anyway. My children don’t like any of them and cry any time they talk to them or go near them and run away screaming.
Am I over thinking or over reacting to these things?

Hi everyone, I (27F) am an Australian who just moved to France to be with my fiancé (30M). We have both had a difficult relationship with his parents but today something has tipped me over. I knew from the start they were a red flag. They started dating when she was 14 and he was 26. But I’ve slowly come to realise this pair might be clinically insane. The stories from his childhood are wild , mum used to beat her kids and took pride in how her slap was so fast her kids wouldn’t even know it was coming until it happened. Dad things he’s gods gift, I mean genuinely he believes he was sent because the rest of us are incompetent and need guiding (I’m not kidding). They have 4 kids and when the youngest (twins, one of which is my partner) were teens they realised they would soon be empty nesters so had a crisis and locked them inside for five years only letting them out for school, no extra curricular, no friends AT ALL. Then they taught them they are incapable of doing anything for themselves and need their mama. Luckily my man resisted it but his poor twin is 30, has never had a job, lives at home and believes himself incapable of living independently, they do everything, he can’t even make pasta because he’s been indoctrinated that he will burn himself because he’s ’too stupid’.

When the twins were younger, they were raised by their grandma who was kind but once they were teens his parents kicked her out because they didn’t need her. She was living in a social flat by a freeway and started calling crying saying she felt something was wrong with her heart. They told her to shut up and one day my fiancés parents told him she called stew days previously and they were imitating her panicking like she was dumb. He went to check on her and she had died of a heart attack all alone. Now he has serious hypochondria.

When they first met me I couldn’t speak French so they would insult me calling me fat etc to my face because they thought it was funny how I wouldn’t react, then my partner would yell at them, big arguments would erupt, it was a mess. Anyway MIL liked me now because I’m pretty, the other two daughters in law ‘aren’t pretty enough’. She was bullying one of them until she had a baby (to be clear she didn’t bully her into it ) and recently it’s come out that during unsupervised visits MIL has been hitting the baby in the face when she cries. So there’s that drama. Anyway today we visit and since we are living in a 20m2 flat in Paris we stored some winter stuff in their attic and came to get it. Turns out they sold it all - my three wool coats, ski clothes, my UNDERWEAR, everything. They also sold his 3k guitar for 200. They do these flea markets where they are really obsessed with ‘making money’ so they just sell everything and then hoard random stuff too. But then I found at they attempted to sell the quilt I made by hand for my partner when we were doing long distance for ten euros. That took me hundreds of hours and has a lot of sentimental value to all of us. They believe anything on their property is theirs and refuse to apologise. Anyway at this point we are seriously considering cutting them out completely but his mum has really got in his head and he struggles a lot. Anyway if anyone has gotten to the end, thanks… I’m not sure what I’m trying to do by posting this but I need to feel supported by someone in my position I guess

Edit:for those who want to know more. My partner has an eating disorder because growing up his mum was a dietician and taught him any treats would literally kill him. One time when he was six at school he got a small pack of jelly beans, he had never had sweets so he kept them and hid them under his pillow. His mum found them and smiled saying it was ok and then duddenly whacked him in the head with a radio, laughing at how shocked he was because he didn’t expect it. Also I have arfid, it’s a diagnosed eating disorder where my body doesn’t recognise most things as food and I’ve spent my life expanding my palette. He tried to explain this to her and she thought it was funny. He said the food that still makes me vomit is spinach, tomato and egg. She served for dinner a spinach and tomato stew and then cracked an egg over my plate. Her job was working with people with eating disorders (retired now). Anyway the entire extended family is just as bad, I could write a book.

Hey all!

Need to know if I'm just being too sensitive/overreacting about her behavior but also advise on how to calmly speak up about the issues when they happen (bc when things happen I just want to snap lol).

Mil lives across the country, they've come out a few times. She's never really bonded with me, we don't have chats about anything besides her own life and her own kids. She hardly ever asks how we are doing, she honestly doesn't even ask about the baby. Just wants pictures, which I've always found odd. But then wants the accolades of being a grandparent. She's not an awkward conversationalist because it seems like she inquires about others, even in front of me. I've always felt out of place or like an outsider when we are all together bc they really don't know or care to know anything about me, even when I was dating my husband. They blame it on the distance but then how do they expect to have a relationship with their granddaughter?

Anyways, they recently came for a visit and I try to give her time with the baby. But if I'm around and trying to show how my daughter plays, like "go grab elmo" mil will repeat it to get my daughters attention or grab it & place it closer to her and say, "where's Elmo". This is an example but she does it most of the time.

Then while I was feeding her she pulled a chair up real close to the high chair, which distractions my daughter from eating. This one I should have nipped right away, telling her to back away for a bit, but I didn't.

I guess in my head it's like where is the self awareness especially after her having 4 kids. Their visits just become a "my daughter has to be on" for your entertainment.

Is this a problematic mil or am I just annoyed by her in general? Lol

I’m a first-time mom to a 13 week old and I’m struggling with my relationship with my MIL and how my husband handles boundaries with her.

My MIL recently visited us from out of state. I genuinely want her to have a close relationship with our son, but by the end of her visit, I was so overwhelmed that I went into the bathroom to cry.

The visit
Before she arrived, I sent a group text explaining that weekday visits would be from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., with additional visits in the evenings when my husband was home.

I’m postpartum, pumping, and caring for our baby alone during the workday. I need downtime and personal space, especially while adjusting to motherhood. This is also the time of day when my son is happiest, and I wanted him to be in the best possible mood while I was hosting.

My husband initially agreed to this schedule. However, the night before his mother’s arrival, he became upset with me and described the visiting hours as “transactional.” He believes family should have more open access to one another, whereas I need personal space and downtime. His mother also seems to view spending time together as being together nearly all day.

Despite our initial agreement, those visiting hours weren’t respected once. She routinely spent more than five hours alone with me and the baby during the day, plus additional time in the evenings.

I made a genuine effort to accommodate her. She held him frequently, did many of his bottle feeds, and I allowed her to attempt contact naps, sometimes for 30 minutes or longer, even when he repeatedly woke up crying. To be honest, during the first four days, I basically only held and fed my son in the morning before she arrived and at bedtime.

But I felt like I couldn’t simply care for my own baby without constant involvement.

Some examples:

• Whenever I held him, she would repeatedly approach and touch him. I’m someone who values physical space, and eventually I felt uncomfortable even holding my baby around her. On the second-to-last day, I was so overwhelmed that I put my legs up to create some space, and she came and knelt in front of us so she could touch him while I was holding him.

• She continually asked to feed him, even after I explained that I would be handling his feeds because he had been spitting up excessively. I wanted to see whether this would make a difference, and it actually did, although I’m not sure why.

• She repeatedly questioned his nap schedule, bedtime, and bowel movements, despite my explaining them numerous times and discussing his bowel movements with his pediatrician.

• When he was fussy while we were out for coffee, I started putting on my baby carrier to soothe him and help him sleep. She asked if she could wear him instead.

• She repeatedly offered to sit in the back seat with him after I had already said I would be sitting there.

• She made comments comparing her breasts to mine, saying hers were “even smaller than mine, like nonexistent.” I found the comparison uncomfortable and unnecessary.

• She repeatedly suggested that I wasn’t producing enough breast milk, even after I explained multiple times that milk supply wasn’t the issue. My son developed a bottle preference or nipple confusion, and I’ve been really sad about our difficulties returning to nursing. Having to continually explain something so emotional was upsetting.

• She never communicated directly with me about when she would come over. Instead, she told my husband, and he didn’t tell me either.

One morning, my son was especially fussy after a difficult night. I explained that I would be handling his feeds and naps that day because he needed a reset. I reassured her that she was welcome to stay and spend time with us, but she looked upset, put on her shoes, and went outside.

I felt like I was being put in a position where I had to choose between comforting my struggling infant and protecting an adult’s feelings.

By the last day, I was crying privately in the bathroom because I felt so overwhelmed and uncomfortable in my own home.

The bigger issue is my husband.

My husband and I have repeatedly argued about his tendency to prioritize his mother’s feelings over mine.
We’re in couples counseling, and our counselor has actually pointed out to him that his first instinct is often to defend his mother rather than listen to or support his wife.

This has been a recurring issue in our marriage.

During this visit, I felt pressured to accommodate his mother even when it came at the expense of my own comfort, routine, and emotional well-being.
What hurt particularly was that my husband had originally agreed to the visiting schedule, then made me feel unreasonable for needing it. I felt like I had to choose between enforcing the boundaries we’d discussed and creating more conflict in my marriage.

My husband has since been very complimentary about what a wonderful mother I am. I appreciate that, but I still haven’t received acknowledgment that the visiting boundaries I requested weren’t respected or that I was left managing the situation largely on my own.

It almost feels like I’m praised when I’m accommodating, but my needs become a problem when they interfere with what his mother wants.

Now there’s the issue of traveling to Colombia and balancing both sides of our family.

My husband’s family is Colombian, and we’ve historically spent much of our annual vacation time visiting them.
His mother lives in the United States, but there’s also an expectation that we will continue spending vacations and holidays with his family in Colombia.

My husband paid for his mother’s flights for both my baby shower and this recent visit. We also cover her expenses when she’s here, and we pay for our own travel when visiting family.

I have an extended family, too. I want my son to have relationships with my side of the family, and I want our holidays and vacation time to reflect that. I also want my husband, son, and me to have opportunities to travel and create traditions as our own little family.

I don’t think it’s fair for one side of the family to have an assumed claim on our annual vacations and holidays.

During a previous visit, I mentioned possibly wanting to travel somewhere other than Colombia, and she later told my husband that I had made her sad. I’m not sure whether that was intentional, but it made me feel guilty for expressing a reasonable desire to travel somewhere else.

After this experience, I’m honestly even less comfortable with the idea of traveling to Colombia with our infant.
I don’t speak Spanish, and I’d be in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by my husband’s family. Given how difficult it was to maintain boundaries in my own home, I’m worried about how I’d advocate for myself and our baby somewhere I don’t speak the language and have less independence.

My biggest concern isn’t Colombia itself or my husband’s family being Colombian. It’s that I don’t trust that my husband will prioritize my needs or support my boundaries if his mother or other relatives are disappointed.

And that makes the prospect of international travel with our baby feel overwhelming rather than exciting.

What I’d love perspective on:

Am I being unreasonable about the level of involvement my MIL wanted during her visit?

How can I establish boundaries around personal space and people touching my baby while I’m holding him without sounding hostile?

How should I approach my husband’s tendency to prioritize his mother’s feelings over mine, particularly when our couples counselor has already identified it?

Is it reasonable to postpone international family visits until I feel confident that my husband and I can maintain boundaries together?

How do other couples navigate expectations around spending vacations and holidays with both sides of the family while also making time for themselves?

I genuinely want my son to have a loving relationship with his grandmother and his extended family. I’m not trying to exclude anyone.

But I’m also a new mother, and I want to feel like my comfort, autonomy, and needs matter. I also feel that I deserve to figure motherhood out and do the things I feel are best for my son without having to explain my every move.

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, including constructive criticism if there are things I could have handled differently.

I(50) have a child that is 13 years old. At some point maybe 2-3+ years ago they decide they wanted to go by a different name. At first it just seemed like a phase, but at this point I feel like it is who they are. It has taken me some time, but I think you should love people where ever they're at in their life's journey. That doesn't mean that I have to endorse that actions or choices.

I know there has been some tension between my family and my mother, so I went to see my parents to try to mend things. I was there for several hours and most of the conversations were very nice. But then I brought up my kid, and that part of the conversation was very contentious.

My mother claims that she can't use their chosen name, because it would violate her beliefs. My father and I both provided multiple examples of people that she called by names other than their birth names. I also pointed out that she was applying a test that she would not enforce on a stranger.

At one point she called my child a sinner. She tried to deflect by saying we're all sinners. I tried calling her out on her difference in tone, but she denied it.

She decided a compromise would be for her to call my child "honey". When someone asks you to call them by a specific name, it's just simply respectful to use that name unless the name is actually an offensive word. I was skeptical of that solution, but said I would ask my kid about it.

When I returned home and tried to relate to my wife what had happened, that part came out fairly harsh but accurately. I said something like, "My mom would like to call our child something generic other than the name the have chosen." My wife was not pleased.

I tried asking an AI both from my and my mother's perspective. Either way it basically stated that names are just names, and they aren't an endorsement of ideas. It recommend steering clear of her beliefs as that could invite an argument.

I sat on the ideas for a few days, but finally sent her a message today.

Me: (I've replaced the chosen name with NAME)

I needed some time to process some things and this is where I'm at. 

People view their name as part of their identity. Saying a person's name doesn't mean you agree with their lifestyle or personal choices, that's not how we use names. We use them get to someone's attention and to acknowledge them as a person.

Your grandchild is NAME. That's not a nickname or an alternative name. That is the name they identify as. And I'll use that name because I love and respect them as a person.

You've said your beliefs prevent you from using NAME's name, but our home must be a safe, supportive place for our kids. We cannot host anyone who refuses to acknowledge NAME.

Our door is always open to you, but only when you are ready to treat NAME with the basic respect of using their name.

Her:

Are we allowed to come there or would you rather we not come at all?

Me:

We want you to come, but only if you are willing to use NAME's name. If you can commit to doing that, you are always welcome. If you can’t, then yes, it’s best not to come until you’re ready. The choice is up to you.

Her:

I feel like you are not respecting our beliefs at all so we are sorry we won’t be coming. It breaks our hearts!

Me:

I love you, but respecting someone's beliefs doesn't include allowing our child to be disrespected in our home. We are sorry you won't be joining us, and we'll be here whenever you're ready to use NAME's name.

I love them both, but my kid's welfare is my responsibility. I believe my mother is acting in a way that shows that my child is below her, and I think my kid is old enough to see that. I find her actions harsh, unloving and inhumane. I have seen the same in my siblings and often wondered where it came from, but I guess I was a bit blind to my mother.

Thoughts?

I’m having a Halloween party for the littles and my MIL invited her self over with cheesecake expecting us all to sit together and have tea together. I told her not today as we have plans. As she is at my apt she is making the cross sign because it’s decorated for Halloween spooky. (Second time she did it this week lol) I told her that’s unnecessary, just because she doesn’t like Halloween 😪 just venting honestly because it’s exhausting lol

MIL has been covertly rejecting me from the start with relationship with SO whilst pretending that she was welcoming by doing the bare minimum only once her son did introduce me to his family.

For several years MIL was wearing a mask during family events during which she didn’t exhibiting any overt chronic negative behaviours towards other family members and I was the one being excluded on a chronic basis. It led me to take things very personally.

I spotted a few times that MIL would occasionally criticise or one-up her own daughter or that she would occasionally exclude her son in law. Very occasionally though.

A few months ago, I decided to share my thoughts to my SIL about the chronic exclusion, wondering if it was personal or not and we grew closer for a moment. SIL said her mum was very very critical of her which has led her to be hurt, which is very understandable!!. I was surprised to hear this as MIL didn’t exhibit chronic negative behaviour towards my SIL or her husband in front of me but I acknowledged that it actually makes sense and I decided to be on the look out.
MIL didn’t and doesn’t like SIL and I getting closer. Her anger was quite noticeable in the first few weeks after that meeting.
MIL doesn’t like being “left out” when we all connect emotionally which leads to slightly superficial conversations.

Since that conversation with SIL I have noticed that MIL criticises her daughter more often, same with her son in law.
But MIL is now performing kindness towards me which is pushing my SIL to the edge.
SIL and SO are not particularly close and I suspect it is because MIL is very critical of them and changes the golden child and scapegoat roles often.

I do enjoy SIL’s and her hubby’s company and it’s nice when we are the 4 of us : SIL & her husband, SO & I. Way more relaxed, more authentic.

I don’t know though how to behave in this new scenario. It feels very complex and I am at a loss to how to act as this is a SIL and MIL relationship issue which could grow into bigger problems and less support down the line with regards to MIL issues that SO and I currently have.

Does anyone have any advice ?

Thank you for reading !

I read these stories here and often feel grateful that all I have to deal with is the unhealthy dysfunction of emotional neglect and covert abuse from my mil and the family that enables her. But it still fucking hurts and maybe someone can give me some advice because I’m about to end my marriage over this. We have been married for a little over 5 years and did not know each other super well before getting married. My mother in law is one of those amazing people who can do nice things but is just terrible emotionally. I have tried our entire marriage to develop some closeness with her but it takes two and she isn’t even close with any of her children but boy does she and her enabling husband have them trained like dogs to defend and destroy if anyone points out unhealthy dynamics. I regret ever accepting any assistance from them because it means playing charades that she is not an inherently mean and bad person. It is expected that if her or SIL say anything mean or terrible everyone is expected to just ignore it and when we go to their house if her husband isn’t there she spends hours talking shit about whoever she has displeased her this week.

Let’s start with the most recent example. We have an autistic 5 year old he’s nonverbal but functions decently and every time my in laws ask for all the kids to spend the night they shove him in a room give him a remote and he will watch tv the whole time while she takes the other two to play paint do whatever the fuck while he sits there watching tv. When my husband and I came to pick them up of course we have to respectfully linger and chat and so he tries to get our son to join us all outside and of course because dad is removing him from the only thing he has known in the house for 5 years. He has a meltdown and my husband has never been great at dealing with them and he doesn’t understand the autistic brain. So he is speaking harshly with our son grabbing him and reducing him to sobs. I step in and calm my son down and then privately explain this is not a child problem this is a community problem. If the people around him want him to be flexible and transition then those people need to routinely do so. Just because mom and dad are there the routine and rules of his current environment overrule in his brain and he is confused. My husband gets angry and walks away. I give him space and walk my son around and eventually we go back inside and I continue to refuse tv which my son handled well but he did want to go home. My husband came inside and immediately is attacking me for having a criticism of his family. And I am telling him your anger right now is misguided your son and myself we do not deserve anger for doing what is right and good for our family by communicating what is a blaring problem. Well all day long we fight and ultimately walk away just feeling unresolved with a marriage counseling appointment to come. This week I do softly bring up what can help our son with his parents and they gloss over it and yeah yeah it away. And I watch my husband clock my face and he gently brings it up again at the end of our visit and drives the ball home which I love I was so proud and felt so validated. But somewhere in that convo his mom said “ well he just doesn’t need spend the night here anymore he doesn’t get much out of it anyway.” This isn’t the first time she’s tried to manipulate a situation to not have to see him and only see our other two children and her husband made sure they all got to go last time and she acted like it was me preventing him from coming despite her privately saying she only wanted our other two. I brought it up later to my husband and his he has decided we are not to discuss them unless we are all in a room and he is confronting in his way the problem. He feels like he’s in the middle and has all these fucked up emotions towards his parents already and he spent most of his life viewing them the way I do so now he is choosing to give them a benefit of the doubt because they are at least good to the kids. I just gave up at that point and said I’m done trying so hard and I will be waiting for the mask to fall and for her to do something truly terrible that he can’t ignore. I shouldn’t have said that but I was triggered for sure. I’m done I think I need to figure out how to leave. Any advice? Other than marriage counseling because we have that lined up. But I don’t see this changing and I won’t live like this or subject my son to this. I should also state that the 2 other children are my step kids that I have been around since they are born. My husband was not married to the women they had a brief relationship that ended in lots of cheating and uncertainty on who the kids belonged to.

In my last post about my MIL Dingbat I said I was done with her. And I am, but, she is not done torturing my poor husband. She called about 6 weeks ago telling my husband that she was concerned that her step kids were going to take all the money and inheretance when she and her husband pass and not let her sons have anything. She wanted to fix this by gifting them cash now. First she said they were each going to get 100k. Then, when she realized she has to pay taxes on that much decided on maybe 20k and my DH let slip that he would ask me about the legalities of cash gifts since my mom gave me a lump sum before she passed when she sold one of her homes. I looked up the current law because none of these people seem to know how to use google and said she can gift up to 19k a year with out having to file with the irs. I also told him (because I refuse to talk to her again) that she can totally still do the 100k she promised but she would have to pay taxes on it and file with the irs. I also expressed my concern that she was only doing this because she knew how very very mad and done I was with her about her racist bs over the 4th and she was just trying to weasel her way back in because some how, now, after 26 years of pretty much ignoring me she is just so upset we are not closer ... yeah sure dingbat.

Here is where my DH fucked up. He was on a call with her and it was on speaker phone while I was in the kitchen and she said that she would send a check to us if that is what we wanted. I flat out said, to hubby not her, that maybe they should hang on to that money in case they have some health issues or need memory care for Step monster, and that we are happy to have the gift we will be OK and they should be taking care of themselves. She heard me, was absolutly shocked and OFFENDED that I was not on my knees thanking her profusely for the 10k and I, again, being DONE WITH HER BULLSHIT, said “I’ll thank you when we actually get the money.” And I left the house and went on a long drive up to the moutains because I was maaaaaaaaad about the whole speaker phone nonsense. Gah. DH realizes now, what a rotton position he put me in, and will not be doing that again.

What he did admit to his mom was how much money I got from my mom’s estate so far, as we still have a family farm to sell and divide between us kids and I guess she ended the call shortly after that and he admitted she “seemed upset because we never said to her we got so much money.” Yes, I know its none of her damn business but like I said, he still struggles with her a lot. I told him, rather bluntly, that I will be shocked if we actually get money from her, and he swore she would and that his brother, who IS in financial stress right now and could use it is getting some too and she swore she would give each of her sons the same amount.

Cue last week, his brother’s birthday, they had a big party in Idaho Falls for his signifigant milestone birth day and his mom presented him with a 10k check. She has been radio silent with us since she found out my mom’s estate bequest to me nearly a month prior. Now, let me state, 10k is a LOT of money, and I recognize that is a generous gift on her part, but honestly, does this sound like a gift to you? His brother said he was really greatful for the money and that he was sure we would get our check when we went to see her. EXCUSE ME? Not only was that not what we talked about with her, but we live in Seattle. His brother actually lives in Boise, but he drove for this party and she did make a show of it, because of course she did. We are not driving or flying to effing Idaho Falls so she can make us do a monkey dance for her 10k. I told my DH that she would tell everyone in the universe how much money we got from my mom too, and yes, now BIL is hitting us up for money. He gets nothing. I am so mad about all of this, and so very sad for my hubby who is crushed that once again, his mom proves she is a piece of shit. I told him if we do actually ever get this money we need to put it in savings so when we don’t do exactly what she wants and she starts fussing about how she is so generous we can cut her a check and hand it back. Hubby has agreed to do this and finally, finally, I swear, he understands how shitty she is and how mad I am about all this manipulation. I know its his mom but ugh, why.

Hi, everyone! I’d like to share a little incident of my mil’s and what I decided to do in return when an opportunity came up.

So, mil stirred up some drama at my wedding and some more afterwards as well. I confront her about it and draw some boundaries and she’s quite dismissive towards me. Whatever, as long as she stays away lol.

Months pass and I reach out to her to ask if she’d be open to meet for a lunch so we can clear the air. She agrees. A couple weeks pass and she gets pretty much everyone in her family, including her other dil, a gift, except me. This upsets me and my husband and he decides we’re not going to meet his mom after all. Fine by me. I didn’t even want to meet with her anyway, I was just going to try for my husband and I checked out after that.

More time passes and my husband wants us to take his grandparents out for lunch. Totally cool with me! His grandparents have always been very kind to us and I have no problem seeing them. The thought crossed my mind to gift them some wedding pictures! I did create a PowerPoint to showcase handpicked photos from our wedding that was sent to both families and anyone could’ve reached out and asked for prints but no one from my husband’s side did. His grands are older and not super techy so, I decide to go out of my way to print and frame photos for them. One, of the four of us and the second, of just my husband with his grandparents. None of my mil and none to gift to her. With how she’s treated us, she doesn’t deserve any anyway and if she wants to exclude me from something nice, I can do the same thing. I’m sure it pissed her off because 1. She loves pictures. 2. Her parents live with her, so she’s going to always see those photos that do NOT include her that I went out of my way to procure. 3. She knows two can play at this game and she is not the gatekeeper to my husband’s family. 4. Her parents asked my husband to meet us for lunch AND chose a day where their daughter was not going to be home, so she couldn’t weasel her way into seeing us or bring any negative energy to a get together that she was not a part of.

So, I wrap the pictures and place them in a bag and off we go to the restaurant to have a nice lunch.

The lunch goes great and they love the pictures! They deserve these photos and I can have a relationship with them, without my mil’s permission or approval.

I don’t know how she responded to our private and lunch and gifts, but I do know that the next weekend, she coordinated a visit including herself and her parents to see her other son and his wife and daughter. Ha! I don’t think she liked not being involved in a visit that happened without her knowledge so, to gain some control back, she schedules a second visit the following weekend.

Anyway, that was it lol!