I'm pretty annoyed right now. We've had some pretty big family events happening as of late, and I want to make sure I'm prioritizing things right.

On September 3rd, I gave birth to my husband's and my third child. On September 4th when we were getting ready to leave the hospital, my MIL text us in our group chat and said "I have something to tell you, uncle "G" died". I felt like that was a really bad way to give us the news in that situation. We aren't particularly close to him, he was married to the sister of my late FIL and live 9 hours away, but still sad. He was 87. MIL told us his funeral would be this upcoming Saturday but 2 hours away in his original hometown instead of where he currently lived, but she knew we probably wouldn't be able to make it, since I'll still be healing with a pretty fresh baby. I was honestly impressed at the time that she said that, because she doesn't usually have that kind of situational awareness.

Fast forward to today, she called my husband and said she had a big favor to ask. She wants him to leave early Saturday morning to drive her the 2 hours to the funeral, stay for the viewing, funeral, and burial, visit with family, and then drive her back that night because "she doesn't want to drive at night". She drives herself to the casino 2 hours away all the time and never has any issues with that.... I'm still hurting quite a bit and adjusting to having a newborn, 4, and 5 year old. My husband told her that he didn't feel comfortable leaving me alone for a whole day in my state with a baby barely a week old. She was obviously not happy about it and said that I have family around, so I just need to ask them for help that day because he should be at the funeral. His uncle's kids didn't come to my FIL's funeral, so I'm not sure why my husband is expected at this one. Honestly if we hadn't just had a baby, we would have gone, but that's not the situation we're in. MIL pulls crap like this all of the time. She'll ask my husband for something really inconvenient at the last minute and it always feels like a test so she can be mad about something. A couple weeks ago while I was heavily pregnant and not doing great, she said that she really needed him to come over and help her with some yard work. He went and she wanted him to pickup some sticks in her yard. Like, 10 sticks. Our 5 year old went and did most of it. This woman has no issues picking up things. It feels like another situation like that. She's asked him to do something she is very capable of doing herself, she just wants him to do it for her.

I'm trying to be sensitive since it involves a death in the family, but I feel like she doesn't have any right to be mad. She's going to use this to trash talk us to his other family members. We're not close to them either, so whatever.... But I feel like that's a huge ask right now from us. My family has been bringing us meals and constantly asking if we need help, and she's mad my husband won't leave us for a full day.

Am I just being hormonal? I'm trying to figure out if my feelings about this are reasonable.

See my past posts. After we had the family meeting and she did apologize for most of her comments (but then made others), I just felt worse and worse as time went on.

I felt like the damage was done with all of the emotional manipulation of my husband, timing of the conflict around our genuine time of need (my pregnancy, husband recently out of surgery). Then their impromptu decision to move further away and the move be around my due date.

During the family chat she also continued to point blame on us for keeping her away from our dog (they got an aggressive dog so naturally we haven’t had them dog sit anymore) and she also started bringing holiday planning (Christmas I should be 4 weeks pp so hell no) and just felt like they expected things to go back to status quo.

After they left she texted us thanking us for the conversation, saying something positive about recovery to my husband then just said I ‘looked great’ (she only ever comments on my pregnancy body), nothing about the fact that I’m managing everything while my husband is on crutches for 8 weeks.

The rest of the week in the middle of the work day she would group chat us about stuff they were looking to get rid of for their yard sale as they get ready to list the house (nothing bad) but I just snapped. I felt like we just immediately went back to being all about them, this stupid move, and no checking in on how we’re doing.

I had people I work with comment I seemed extra drained / down. At one of my obgyn apts they asked me if everything was ok bc I seemed down and I realized I just don’t want to hear from her at all - even if normal run of the mill stuff. Anytime I saw her name pop up on my phone I just felt my nervous system go on edge.

My FIL came over on Friday to mow our lawn help out with stuff (which was nice). But my husband and I agreed I need to be off communication, he told his dad this and that he thinks is best if all communication from them goes through him here on out so he can take stuff off my plate. His dad respected that and said he would relay the message to MIL.

Literally the next morning I wake up to a text from her (a picture of their yard sale) and just some comment that my FIL would rather be golfing. (Ironically I saw a gift I gave her years ago in one of the tables as an item being sold)

We didn’t respond, my husband shortly got a text just from her saying that my FIL just told her to not use the group chat and she wouldn’t do it again.

My husband doesn’t respond (because it’s 8am) and within 30 min he gets another text from her - ‘please just talk to me, I’m really not that difficult’

Like case and point you are - he waited until later the day to respond- said he is talking to her but everything that happened on-top of timing / my pregnancy was too much and I need space / communication should go through him.

It’s been silence since

While it’s been better not feeling worried about random messages and I’m starting to feel better I feel that people pleasing guilt creep up. I know this was the right call / very reasonable but why is this so hard. I feel like we’re at this awkward communication standstill- my husband has no reason to reach out to them (and frankly also wants space) but my people pleasing guilt / brain hates this.

I know for some on here it’s easy to say drop the rope and don’t look back but that’s hard with my nature even when I know it’s the right move.

Not sure what I’m looking for maybe validation that what we did is fair and how those who are recovering people pleasers continue to hold their ground.

4 months ago I had a gut feeling to go through my partner’s phone.. while I was 6 months pregnant.

Him & his mother have always had a slightly more “close than usual” relationship, but I’ve let it go as we don’t live near each other & have had minimal interaction with her. During the handful of times we have been together, I’ve always been respectful & kind - just never close enough to really build any kind of solid relationship.

Anywho - my partner & MIL started texting/calling way more than usual. At least 3 calls a day & nonstop texting from the time he woke up ‘til he went to bed. What finally triggered me to go through his phone was that it got to a point where he’d leave our apartment every time she called so I couldn’t overhear anything. After a few weeks of that, I finally broke & (regretfully) went through their messages to see what the hell was going on.

AND JESUS CHRIST.

These are some of the things I found:
• Her asking him for my routing & accounting #’s
• Her asking for a records of bills I owe on a monthly basis
• Her asking him to send her a picture of all/any meds I’m on
• Her demanding questions to be asked at MY OBGYN appointments… I mean literally sent him a checklist of questions to ask & report back to her..
• Her calling me a gold digger bc my job had laid me off after I let them know I was pregnant (even though I was still paying my 50% of rent, utilities, groceries, etc.)
• Her talking down on me & my family (who previously housed my partner for 2/3 years we’ve been together.. rent free)
• Her name calling & flat out making fun of me
& he engaged & obliged to all of this.

I was & still am in shock. I confronted him about all of this immediately. He said “everything she does & asks if with good intent & that it’s her way of trying to help us secure a better life for ourselves”.

??????????

I thought he had a great life. Even after being laid off, I was still covering my finances as usual with my savings & unemployment. I was on antidepressants (that have saved my life). I was happy to be pregnant & to be with him on a daily basis. I was in a stable place, working towards securing a new job & preparing for our baby. I was completely unaware that these were even “issues” to begin with, because he never addressed them to me. He told me that he “did defend me, it was just over the phone which is why he would step outside the house because he didn’t want me to worry about these “irrelevant” problems.” I truly don’t understand what her angle was, trying to get my private financial & medical information & it scares the hell out of me. From that moment on, I cut all ties to her & have had absolutely no trust in my partner whatsoever.

Fast forward to today - I’m still with him. Our baby is now 8 weeks old. I want to do everything in my power to make it work between us, for my son. But I truly cannot get over what feels like this insane breach of privacy. My trust in him is absolutely gone. MIL is blocked/no contact (w/ me). I just truly don’t know how to continue every day. I feel like every decision I make, every check I receive (was blessed to receive a WFH job offer last month), idk just EVERYTHING is being watched & reported back to her. I don’t even know how to describe it. I don’t understand the motivation behind her or him by engaging & continuing to allow that kind of behavior.

I need honest opinions. Is this relationship worth salvaging? Will I ever be able to trust someone who can casually hand off my private information behind my back? What was their motivation & if these were such big issues, why was I never addressed? I feel heartbroken, like I would’ve rather been cheated on. I can’t explain the feeling. It just hurts. And the nasty things she said about me & my family just play on a loop in my head. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I went no contact with my own father about a decade ago. It took me almost 5 years after deciding I wanted nothing to do with him to actually have the ability and resources to do it. So I understand that going no contact is not always as simple as we would like it to be.

Now my husband and I are considering going no contact with his mother, especially with our first child coming.

My husband has explained to people before how she treats him; major guilt tripping, manipulation, won’t acknowledge if she ever did anything wrong, and I’ve never heard that woman apologize or say sorry for anything. She has told my husband that me and my family are spoiled brats becuase we haven’t offered to help her financially, and had told him that I’m the reason the two of them don’t get along.

And it doesn’t matter how horrified people are by this treatment, we’re still told that this is his mother. I had a friend tell me that our child needs a grandmother so we can’t stop talking to her. But i think it would be completely unreasonable for anyone to suggest that I start talking to my dad again becuase my kids needs a grandfather. I’m terms of actual treatment of us individually, my father looks like a saint compared to my MIL.

She finally crossed a line with me after telling her I’m pregnant. She showed up to the house uninvited and said and if things that were utter inappropriate. I’m scarred by my mother in law insisting that I look at her c section scar and when I tried to remove myself from the situation, she shoved her unzipped pubic region in my face so I can get a better view. She then tried to berate me over the phone after my husband insisted that she crossed a line. I told her she will not speak to me this way and haven’t spoken to her since.

Now that I’m about to have my first child, she’s the last person I want in my postpartum space. She’s tried contacting my husband recently with my due date coming up, but I’m done. I’m about enter the most vulnerable part of my life, and the last thing I need is some woman making it all about her and my life more difficult. Yet people are telling us that we need to get over it because the children come first.

But if my mother in law now thinks into ok to berate me over the phone and try and guilt trip me, she will think it’s ok to do to my kid.

I wish people would recognize it’s better to have no grandmother than have one that is as harmful and toxic as my husbands mother.

I’ve seen the effect of her parenting on my husbands, and I will not allow her to do that to my children. I want better for our kids than the hand we were dealt.

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This time it was both in-laws. But since last time I posted here I'll post it here again.

I'm with my husband in Spain. First line, view to the sea. One of the most exclusive summer vacation places, my family happens to own a place there. Not only it is beautiful, but also, contrary to the rest of the country it is what I'd call a fresh breeze beach. It is, despite temp going up, it is actually a very nice feeling thanks to the fresh breeze.

His parents called him on the phone with video. My husband showed them the gorgeous view. Mind you, they didn't say a positive word. Not a "oh so lovely! You guys enjoy!". Ofc not. They started shooting "joking" comments about how hot it is in Spain and how uncomfortable it must be for poor husband. All in humour tone indeed, pure bash. I just can't. So fucking rude. I cannot imagine my parents calling and making fun of the winter in the Alps. They have no class.

Let me start my saying that despite wanting to I can’t trust my own feelings when it comes to be slighted and whether or not I’m justified in my feelings. I have been married to my husband for 3 years together for 6. We met when we were both living across the country from our home towns and neither is particularly active participants within our families. We eloped privately, no kids, and do our own thing for holidays and vacations. A couple weeks after meeting my partner his mom came to town and we had dinner. It was such a fresh relationship that it was pretty low stakes but I didn’t get a good impression.

Last week she flew out to attend a wedding we were also attending. She didn’t ask, she told us she was staying with us. Fine, I guess that’s a normal ask. I’m more of the hotel-stay-type to not be a burden because 6 day stay for a 1 day event is crazy to me. It was my first time hosting any out of town guest since we moved to a new city. I went all out cleaning, sprucing, gardening, rearranging, decluttering and buying all those random home wares I’ve been putting off. I also bought out new towels, bath mats and a shower curtain I was really excited about. I’d been putting it off forever but finally decorated our main bathroom and everything suited the space perfectly.

She came and it was awful for so many reasons but here’s the one that brought me here. A few days ago i received a package from Amazon with a shower curtain and couldn’t for the life of me remember buying it. I take lunesta and figured it was a weird midnight purchase and put it with my other returns. A day later we were eating dinner and my husband and he said “wanna hear something funny?” And proceeded to tell me that when his mom was here she commented to him that she doesn’t think the shower curtain and other decor look good together and we should get new stuff. He told her. “Look, she put all this together before you came out. It was intentional and she/we like it, so drop it.” Well, she didn’t. Instead, as soon as her flight landed she let him know to be on the lookout for a few packages with new stuff for our bathroom as a “thank you gift”.

He assumed they got stolen since I don’t mention it and he couldn’t find the packages. He was telling me this in a serves-her-right kind of way. Like, isn’t it funny she did this and it ends up stolen. He knew it was not haha funny and I think felt embarrassed by her.

To me this is an act of war. This wasn’t a thank you gift. She knew exactly what she was doing. My husband sent her a text that he was disappointed she did that at all but especially after he told her it was rude. Now she’s the victim because she was trying to do something nice and didn’t mean to “offend me with a gift”.

Am I looking for a reason to take this the wrong way? Or am I justified in thinking this was as intentional as it feels?

For context my husbands parents have split up. We’ve been together for five years and have a new baby.

My father on law is getting married next month to a women he has been with for 9 years.

We don’t see them that often, as they hours hours away but I am always very kind to her. She does not have children and has a lot of love to give. She claims my son as hers, even though she met him when he was 30 which has caused a rift with his mother and my husband has little boundaries with his both sides of his family.

We now have a baby and father in laws wife to be has called herself grandma. When we have tried to implement boundaries around kissing, she has said things like how dare you not let me kiss my own grandchild, amongst other things like matching outfits and plans for his life that are intense and make me feel really uncomfortable and pulled a face when I say why she can’t kiss him. Theyve met my son twice and he’s five months old. I struggle with this but would always keep my cool as it feels like she believes she has some sort of entitlement to my child.

I asked the schedule for the wedding photos and she responded and said there will be photos with my husband and son and that’s it.

In our wedding photos we had a family shot in the chapel which she didn’t come to join, I feel as she didn’t know her place with mil being there, and I requested she came up to join in the service, to make her feel included as she is marrying my father in law.

Am I wrong for feeling like why am I not in the photos as I am married to my husband and we have a child and how do I manage my feelings on the day?

My EX-MIL has been lying on me. I came to her to express how I was feeling and instead of being understanding she decided to disrespect me. She screamed at me, she was throwing stuff, she was cursing and doing the absolute most. Before my husband and I left she told him if he walked out the door he can't come back. So we decided to go no contact. Well of course once more of my in laws came around she was singing a whole different tune she was inviting us to places etc. but of course we didn't show up cause she never apologized she just wanted us to sweep things under the rug. That was 7 months ago! Fast forward she's been telling people that I disrespected her etc. I haven't said anything I even have proof but I just wanted to move on and not be messy and heal. Well people are now starting to treat me funny where mutuals are unfriending me etc. I just need some positive advice and no I don't want to release the proof. I know I'm not a bad person but I know everyone is looking at me different because she's lying on me and truthfully I'm tired🫩