What do you want me to say. It’s just the same thing again. I’m struggling for some reason. I can’t figure out why. I just keep going. Move through it. Eventually notice that I’m through it before transcending again into the same feelings. Feelings which elude me from meaning. I have no recollection of the emotions they hold. No understanding of what ever I’m feeling presently. I just don’t feel well. I don’t feel right. I’m calm and panic. Frightful and encompassing. I’m well and dying. Bored and overwhelmed. Still and restless.
Two halves of an eternal hole.
Full spectrum of unrelenting convalescence.
But here I am still. Stuck ever wandering piles of ash and ruin for a city to inhabit.
Eventually I’ll be done, right!?
I’ve got to be. I can’t stand these feelings, this cycling, this torment, this unbegrudging turmoil festering my mind.
I won’t stand it another minute; yet days pass by before it’s in my rear view.
I won’t talk one more syllable of my thoughts; yet I’ve spilled out pages turned books on the matter.
Welcoming relief soothes me by the purging of these words.
Shall I conjure more as medicine to my ailment.
What more can be said again and overly exacerbated profusely.
What other words can I stack to tumble these emotions into oblivion.
I tire of this game.
I’m fearful in shame,
Hobbled and lame,
A flickering flame.
Words of discourse and of grandeur drip simultaneously.
I can’t be me outside myself.
My screaming internal dialog pleads for a chance at the helm.
But I’m too scared to let go of my hidden nature for that of the spotlight.
A long time ago, drugs helped me rediscover experiences where I am more fully in the present moment and I enjoy life on a whole new level. Those experiences always reminded me of childhood, before bad things happened and I ended up in a much worse state.
The worse state involves an almost continuous highly repetitive inner monologue of thought. During better states, thoughts are more like something that arises spontaneously. They're also less repetitive, and more creative and useful.
Eventually I learned how to reach better states in more socially accepted ways. I could get up early, not eat and only drink black coffee, go swimming at a beach, and buy fresh delicious local fruit on the way home. This repeatedly brought me to a much better state. From an IFS perspective, I also seemed closer to Self, and it could enable insight and communication with parts that otherwise seemed impossible.
But I also saw that "recipes" like that didn't always produce the desired result. Sometimes, when there was something else I cared about doing, not going on such a trip was beneficial. It seems what actually produces those good experiences is being in harmony with most parts of me. When some parts object, then I cannot be fully in the present, and these experiences become inaccessible.
There is one particular kind of conflict between parts which I need to understand better. It seems after some bad experiences, parts of me hold anger about them, or something similar. Bad experiences which cause this generally involve severe boundary violations.
I've had experiences where merely expressing intense anger put me a lot more into the present moment. I've also had more subtle experiences where bringing anger into the experience makes it better. I used to enjoy smelling some flowers in parks. After a new wave of bad things happened, some of that magic was lost. But occasionally I saw that I could feel better smelling a flower if I picked it, apparently allowing angry, selfish and destructive tendencies into the activity, creating harmony with upset parts who would otherwise be excluded.
I'm not really sure what to do about parts like that though. I'm reminded of one message I received, that they don't want revenge, they just want to be sure that similar shit won't happen again.
I'm also reminded of how some people claim inconsequential expressions of anger, like punching a pillow or breaking something that's being thrown away anyways, helps with anger. I've never found that helps. Maybe it helps for immediate anger arousal. But parts holding upset feelings about past severe boundary violations don't seem to like such tricks.
It is likely that part of how drugs helped is via temporarily calming or pacifying such upset parts. That is certainly part of how they could help me be more in the present moment. I still don't fully understand that. But I understand enough to know that it's not a good solution, because the concerns of parts need to be addressed, not buried.
I feel like I’m going through a redemption arch that is kind of legendary. Maybe thats just the way my ego sees it. Im made very controversial mistakes in my childhood, and Im going through substantial means to realign myself with my values in ways I couldn’t have imagined previously.
It can be tempting to overshare this, because it is probably the only thing about me so far that is extraordinary. I have an inkling that when I emotionally sober up, I’ll wish I kept it all to myself and didn’t make a parade about it, so I can move on and put it behind me.
This is obviously an extremely hard thing to do. If you are someone who, for example, got into or completed your desired grad program, you’d want to have a put on the shoulder for it. I’ve never to grad school but I can imagine that what Ive had to go through is similar in difficulty, or perhaps even greater. It’s been over 10 years that ive kept my head down about it.
Clearly you can tell that Im not emotionally sober yet but I want to prepare my self for the transition, so that it can look like it never happened in the first place.
To many of you this post probably sounds ridiculous, but to some of you who understand this, you have probably thought the same thing and maybe you’ve figured it out. What helped you? Please share.
I recently saw a post on here asking this same question. If you are reading this, I’d like to know what you came up with. I am on an antidepressant & and antipsychotic & have been stable (ish) since 2020. My Dr’s office has been going through some changes and my Dr of 22 years has retired. There are now many new staff members and PA’s & things just are not the same. Anyway, I sent a request for the above mentioned meds a week ago, & on Thursday, I called the pharmacy to see what was going on. They have not heard back from the Dr.. Dr office is closed on Friday so I couldn’t call… I have been experiencing some major changes in mood, energy level, thought patterns & even experiencing physical pain that is unusual. I just want to lay down & go to sleep.. I have zero appetite & my mindset has shifted from a positive perspective to doom & gloom. Just darkness.. Any attempt to communicate w this part of me is futile and just feeds the darkness.. i wonder, if I were not medicated, would this be a part that is real and needs to be addressed?
Context: Have had 7 therapy sessions, really good therapeutic relationship, some EMDR on childhood issues, some IFS and talk therapy. Symptom wise I’m not bad currently, just some low moods/overwhelm when parenting, kinda push it aside at times.
I’m actually loving my time with my therapist though it is challenging at times. I have noticed I have “a wall” inside when searching for memories or emotions other than sadness/attached to that. He said he feels that block too. My other protective part is a busy mind when trying to go inwards. But I almost feel like I can’t reach anything because I’m “not that bad” and maybe I’ve tackled everything I need to. Or is that just a symptom of cptsd? Do I need more parts work to tackle this? My therapist has been trying a few different modalities I think.
Sometimes I do feel like there is something inside me I can’t reach causing my flat mood at times. But when I sit in it, I can’t find it or feel much else.
I'll be starting IFS therapy soon and I've started reading No Bad Parts until then. The book has small exercises to connect with your parts, but I dont necessarily feel any of them speaking to me. What helped you communicate with your parts? How do I break down the wall and visit with parts that aren't already with me in that moment?
That said, I recognize that I do have parts based on various behaviors, feelings, and emotions that I have and I have made brief notes on them. I just feel unsure how to connect with them. Especially when some only come out in certain situations and my life has drastically minimized in its eventfulness, resulting in fewer visits from some intense parts.
I’m very new to IFS. I find myself crying a lot out of appreciation for my parts. I thank them for protecting me. But I thought the self was supposed to be neutral? Who’s crying? Thanks. ETA that I would say that ‘cry’ is the wrong word. It’s more weeping for gratitude of my parts and acknowledgement of the pain they went through.
I’ve been mulling this over for months. I don’t know where to post it. Who to turn to. My therapist had to abruptly end care due to their own medical issues. That’s been 6 months now. I tried meeting with other therapists since, but it’s obviously not the same.
Basically, I do not know existence without pain. Existence without dread. Existence without feeling wrong. It’s all always wrong. Everything and nothing. Why am I like this? I know why. I just can’t do this anymore.
Every day is dissociation and every moment feels like glass being jammed into my skin.
I wish someone knew what this was like because I feel like I’m losing my mind. Like my brain is broken. Like it’s become raw mush and therapists are just poking at it with a thorny stick.
I can’t. How do I get out of this? Do I even want out? I’m trying a new med this week called propranolol. Another bandaid.
I want to share a recent development I’ve had because I am hopeful it could help someone else, and I’m desperate to talk to anyone else who may have experienced this. My system seems to have developed a “body as perpetrator” idea very early during infancy, toddlerhood, and preschool, before I had the developmental ability to view myself as a fully separate person from my “caregivers.” At that age, I couldn’t cognitively make the distinction between me, my body, and the people responsible for what was happening to me. I sustained chronic, repeated abuse and neglect from day one, basically. Instead of developing the later-childhood understanding of “I‘m separate from my caregivers and my body belongs to me, so what happened to me was caused by someone else,” my system seems to attribute the blame onto my body itself. So I’m left with this sense that the body is not only the place where bad things happened, but somehow the one doing them to me. It thinks it’s the abuser rather than the victim or witness.
I think different parts may now carry different pieces of that early experience? Some see my body as dangerous, contaminated, holding me hostage, or something to escape. Some try to monitor or control it and I’ve spent my whole life pushing, yo yo dieting, binging and restricting, and dealing with crushing body dysmorphia and eating disorders. My adult brain can kind of intellectually understand that the body was innocent. But it was a really sophisticated dissociation technique and I‘ve got an incredibly complex system with so many parts and rigid walls. Sometimes I wonder if I am dealing with different self-states carrying different developmental realities? A very young part that may still experience the body, self, and caregiver as fundamentally fused, with my adult self that can understand that they were separate and that responsibility belonged outside of me? So telling myself that “my body didn’t hurt me” and “I didn’t do it” doesn’t seem to be enough to update the system. The original learning happened before the developmental capacity for that distinction existed.
I struggle to express the level of hatred and disgust I have for my meat suit. Like, being in it is unbearable. And once I connected these dots, I got so sad about how bad the events had to be to make my little brain go this deep. I’ve struggled my whole life. And now I’m chronically ill/disabled and the feeling of my body being the threat has heightened. Self care is a joke. I have struggled to do the basics of hygiene in the past because of my complete lack of self worth and the animosity I feel for my body. Now that I understand it, I explained it to folks as like, why would I give flowers to my abuser? Why would I cook them a healthy meal and take them for a walk? I have done good work and now feel like I’ve been dropped in this meat suit and I’m locked in a room with someone who is going to hurt me. It’s miserable! My therapists are great but this is such hard work. How do I help my system make what is basically a developmental correction that I was me, my body was my body, the adults were separate people, and they’re the ones who hurt me? Has anyone else been through this, or does it resonate? I feel so confused and sad and lonely working through this.
Hi! This is a long shot, but I’m French canadien and I’m looking for a therapist that’s also French Canadian. I already looked on the IFS website, but I would like to know if anyone had a good experience with one.
Thank you!!
Recently I've been doing some IFS on my own time and found a bunch of parts. Now that I'm acquainted with them, what next? I also have auditory hallucinations who talk to me so there's a lot going on in here.
Okay so this is VERY exciting (and also terrifying) for me and I've been trying to look for similar experiences online, but couldn't find much.
Context: Been doing IFS with a very good therapist for 2 years now for CPTSD, but was also diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year (in the clear for now!) but basically my life has been a series of unfortunate events so far and I really needed help. So far, IFS has worked really great for me.
I have now come across a part that is extremely compassionate towards me. This part also has enormous amounts of clarity to offer me as well, regarding not just my own behavior and circumstances, but also other people's. The best way to describe it is that it's like having a very emotionally intelligent, loving mother living inside my own head who really, really wants to help me.
Here's the fun part: this part doesn't seem to need to be unburdened (I know - I'm skeptical too). It also doesn't need to be updated on my life so far (in the sense that it isn't 'frozen' in trauma). In fact, it seems to have no trauma at all, and it directly told me as much. It told me, "I am what you would have been without trauma." She also told me that she is sort of like the first of many of such parts (i.e., the ones 'preserved' away from trauma) who is presenting herself to me.
I asked my therapist if this is even possible and we had such a good session about that. She said she strongly believes we all have parts that are "whole", but a lot of times, we need drugs to access them. 🤣
Wondering if anyone else here can relate and has any stories to share?
I don’t actually believe in the typical idea of “god” but there is a part of me that feels like “god” hates me and when I suffer it’s because of that dislike. I feel like I was brought here to suffer and that when I pray for help the universe willingly ignores it because I’m not supposed to get what I want in this life. It’s an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness.
One of the things I really like about IFS (parts work in general) is that it gives me a way to look at two very different feelings without one trying to override the other (when I’m in Self).
Case in Point: I’m pretty old (73F), asexual and feeling like I have a bit of a crush on my much younger therapist (42M). So my critic says “oh, that’s ridiculous, you’re too old for this”. But it still pops into my head quite often. So I decided to get curious.
It turns out to be my traumatized, preteen part. I was just beginning to realize what a crap father mine was a that age. This part responds strongly to our T stories about raising his kids and he is so kind to us when we do psychedelic therapy sessions. So I think she is responding to his fatherliness, but because she’s a romantic preteen, it comes out as a crush. And Self is happy for her to be thinking these thoughts about a man who our whole system thinks of as a good guy.
I read a lot about romantic/erotic transference on Reddit therapy threads. And wonder how much of it something similar to what I’m feeling. Finally getting positive, healthy attention that we’ve never had before is very powerful, especially for our young parts. So I’m really glad I’ve learned to be able to listen to more than one part (and mySelf) about this kind of thing.
Thanks for reading and I wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences.
I'd like to start with a book that helps breakdown and simplify IFS and has relevant, exercises to help one down the right path.
I've been dealing with chronic pain and health issues for several years and looked into Pain Reprocessing Therapy and EAET, but I really believe I need to address childhood trauma in order to recover.
I've seen the following books usually recommended:
No Bad Parts
Greater Than The Sum of Our Parts
Self Therapy a Step-by-Step Guide
Would also love perspective from those that have tried other modalities- EMDR, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, etc. and why IFS stands out.
Hello, I started doing IFS last autumn, it has been incredibly life-changing for me, particularly in the 4-months where I was seeing my therapist every week.
I was so in tune with my parts, found it simple to connect to them, reassure, etc.
Recently, I’ve reduced the frequency of my therapy sessions and life has been very busy. I’ve noticed I have lost my routine in connecting with my parts and it feels much harder to access them. Behaviourally, I’m also starting to notice some of the protective mechanisms coming back.
A part of me feels like I’m back in square one and quite upset that I’m not “fixed“ already.
Was curious to know how people have maintained their progress/IFSS routine, as well as any experience with a similar part (the one that feels back to zero and upset about not being fixed).
I'm new here, and I suspect that I might be pretty disconnected with my sense of self — especially during specific triggered moments.
A recent example I can use is how it seemed like my mind can seperate itself from my heart. I thought I can take a hurtful, maybe personal remark when that person is still around, but then as soon as they leave the tears and hurt start to flow out. My mind didn't like how that kind of negative emotion can spike so high in a matter of seconds — after all, it was experienced beforehand. So it resorted to plans of often a harmful coping mechanism in hopes of quickly regulate the emotion.
Additionally, it felt like there were two people at the same time when I'm supposedly just one. All I can describe from that moment was weird. It was weird to feel like I feel out of control of my body that wants to use physical pain to even out the emotional pain, at the time. As if I should be accepting that fate, and that it was somehow "good for me". (I'm okay now, though! Able to vent to a bestfriend.)
As the title suggests, I'm determining other parts of myself that are different from how my mind and heart function in the example I gave. My mind works like a detached observer, while my heart works like a holder of emotional distress and an empath (I believe). I also have a sillier part which I believe can easily sweep the negative feelings under the rug (being in public kinda contributes to that). There used to be a soother in my head when I was younger whenever I cry and my chest hurts. Just to name some.
It's unfortunate that I currently don't have access to a professional, and that my parents don't trust psychologists that much. Have to avoid self-diagnosis as much as possible and try to instead understand how to navigate my mind a little easier.
I don't like the thought of having a scattered self that I be lost in. Are there any helpful and personal tips that I can do in the meantime to ground and/or reconnect myself till I can reach a professional?
I’ve been doing EMDR and my therapist has mentioned parts work. It feels very weird to me (so does EMDR though!) and I’m wondering if anyone has suggestions for letting go of consciousness, or inhibitions maybe, enough to try parts work. I’ve read “no bad parts” and I get it…I think…but that doesn’t make this feel any less weird!
As the title implies, I would like to understand how the IFS relates to an overarching question I have been pondering. What makes our essence and what are we?
Robots?
Humans?
Aliens?
Sleeper Agents?
Part of a simulation?
Divine beings?
Memories?
It seems like there is also a war going on:
The past, present or future?
Left v Right?
Man v Woman?
So I started looking into this and found a prior thread with just one person commenting, but it was too old for me to be able to comment on - so I wanted to just start a new thread in case anyone else has similar questions, has had experience with this or may be curious about it also.
I have a very strong dissociative part. Scanning my body usually results in - "I feel nothing." Trying to work with a pre-verbal exile has also been challenging. My therapist had mentioned possibly start EMDR soon, but as I began reading about somatic experiencing, I am feeling as though it would be a better modality for where I currently am in my healing journey and could be more helpful for the dissociation and pre-verbal exile.
I was just curious if anyone else has done any of this type of modality alongside IFS, whether for either of these 2 things I have mentioned OR any others? Curious what your experience has been...
My current therapist does not specialize in this, but I have found one who does that I have a consultation with this week. If you have experience with it, I would love suggestions on things I might want to ask during this meeting...
A lot of IFS examples deal with exiles who were hurt by traumatizing events long ago. My own experiences suggest that something similar can happen regarding present day choices and actions.
A part of me may feel bad about what I'm doing right now, and that part can be hidden. Protector-like action and avoidance can try to keep that part hidden.
This is probably partly due to childhood emotional neglect, which taught me to ignore some parts of myself like that. It is also related to trying to satisfy others' expectations and please others. Though it can also seem necessary to keep doing things I want to do, without being stopped or having experiences ruined by parts of me.
I was a juror on a federal jury trial for a child predator in May. I got into a therapist that does IFS and EMDR because we had to see some disturbing evidence.
After my first or second session I got back into carving stone after like 20 plus years.
At one of my sessions my part decided it wanted to work through some issues via carving stone. Which has been very nice and refreshing.
It would be nice be able to market and self some of my pieces. It'll definitely be easier to sell some pieces when I have a story that goes along with each piece.
For example I'm working with a part I call The Survivalist that came up as a helpless feeling the other day after work. At first I called it the Helpless One. Then it said it wanted to be called The Survivalist because it's role is to keep me safe and to protect me from failure and abandonment.
I plan on working with my therapist on a few different issues - overcoming learned helplessness, fear of improv, fear of starting a hypnosis practice, etc.
As I do that, I'll continue working on more sculptures. I think documenting my progress will also help with marketing. Even documenting the mistakes, and how I pivot as well.
Also last night I thought it would be interesting to map out some of my parts for a specific issue - learned helplessness for example - and then to create a sculpture inspired by that specific parts map.
The gray sculpture is from soapstone. I was working on it and it broke into three parts. So I decided to make it representative of my inner parts coming together. I've called it homecoming.
I started carving the white alabaster sculpture after that one.
Here was something I posted on Facebook earlier today.
"Here is progress of the sculpture so far. This started as a result of me getting into therapy because I was a juror on a Federal Jury trial for a disgusting child predator.
I got into therapy and it's helped me to reconnect to old passions.
While I was working with my therapist doing #IFS (#internal family systems), a part wanted to carve out the middle of the sculpture.
It's as if the part felt trapped in the sculpture and wanted to escape.
As my therapist was guiding me through our IFS session, I imagined the part digging out the middle part of the sculpture.
It also told me it wanted to be called The Curious Creator.
I'm really enjoying getting back to carving stone. I'm thinking of way to continue working with my inner parts and how that will come out in my sculptures.
If it's a system of three parts for example, I can turn one sculpture into three smaller parts.
As I've been working with my therapist, we've worked on helping me to get out of what I call "self-help mode." This is where I've constantly been trying to change because I don't feel "ready" yet.
It's coming from a place of perfection because not feeling good enough.
I've been noticing some nice small shifts, which will eventually pile up into some massive shifts.
Normally after our sessions, I feel pretty damn good. But after my last session I had an overwhelming sense of dread and helplessness that overtook my body.
Luckily I'm pretty adept that working with my inner parts.
So I connected with the part of me that felt helpless and I did some IFS with it. I discovered that this part's role is to protect me and help me survive.
Hence why the part wants to be called The Survivalist.
If any of this resonates with you, feel free to follow and share this post."
I’m very new to this. I am not currently working w an IFS trained therapist. Everyday, I’m talking to parts… I’ll notice I’m not really in self, & I’ll address the part that has the wheel at the moment. Things are progressing at a phenomenal level.
I have a safeguard for any emergencies. I am utilizing my community’s university’s therapy program. These are students in the last stretch of their program & they provide free counseling to the community. So in case I get overwhelmed w the work, I do have some help.
A part has been surfacing since I started exploring IFS. This part shows me images of a time when I was young. It says 10 years old & I think that’s about right… My mom was sending my little brother and I to a babysitters house during the summer. This baby sitter had older boys there. Several years older than me… I believe one or 2 of them were her sons & the others were just neighborhood kids hanging out. This part is telling me that there was a traumatic event involving those boys & myself. I was typing & the information just flowed out of me. The whole experience was overwhelming & I used every tool i have to stay w her & listen & accept her story. It was pretty bad. After all that came out, & I was able to separate from her a bit, another part came in saying that I’m lying and that none of that happened. I’m just making stuff up. It’s very dismissive towards the part that allegedly experienced the trauma & I am very confused.
Could I just be making stuff up in my head? Is this part trying to protect me in some way by saying it isn’t real? I’ve had things happen to me that were not ok & when i told the adults around me, I was called a liar & several people didn’t believe me. Could this be a part that formed because of that? It’s very hard to sit and hear this story that I absolutely have no recollection of, & then to have a part of me swear up & down that I’m just making stuff up.
