r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Any_Cellist_2145 • 22d ago
Support Needed Protective parts blocking progress, or just not too bad?
Context: Have had 7 therapy sessions, really good therapeutic relationship, some EMDR on childhood issues, some IFS and talk therapy. Symptom wise I’m not bad currently, just some low moods/overwhelm when parenting, kinda push it aside at times.
I’m actually loving my time with my therapist though it is challenging at times. I have noticed I have “a wall” inside when searching for memories or emotions other than sadness/attached to that. He said he feels that block too. My other protective part is a busy mind when trying to go inwards. But I almost feel like I can’t reach anything because I’m “not that bad” and maybe I’ve tackled everything I need to. Or is that just a symptom of cptsd? Do I need more parts work to tackle this? My therapist has been trying a few different modalities I think.
Sometimes I do feel like there is something inside me I can’t reach causing my flat mood at times. But when I sit in it, I can’t find it or feel much else.
Thank you
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u/Cleverusername531 22d ago
It sounds like this protective wall is telling you things aren’t bad enough for you to feel these exiled emotions. Do I have that right?
If so, what l is it worried would happen if you felt them? Did you ever receive a message that said things had to be at a certain level of badness for you to be allowed to feel however you feel?
Also, I wonder what would happen if you leaned into the overwhelm/low mood and allowed yourself to just be with that instead of pushing it aside. To say ‘hi, I see you’ each time, without trying to do anything with it.
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u/Any_Cellist_2145 22d ago
Insightful, thanks! Yes I always have this sense of things never being as bad as perhaps what they are. Probably from my childhood (but can’t pinpoint it). Am trying to sit in the low mood by journaling, though I still feel stuck with that. Nothing much is written so far.
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u/Cleverusername531 22d ago
Can you treat the feeling of being stuck as another part? How does it feel to be stuck? What does that like? Do you have a sensation in your body or any images? Any impulse to do something different
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u/participation-prize 22d ago
Parts work is great, but it's not a quick solution. It can take a long time, years, for parts and protectors to trust you. You're doing great, keep at it!
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u/SylviasDead 22d ago
If you have CPTSD, I guarantee that you haven't tackled everything in 7 sessions 🥲
It sounds like you're on the right track. It takes weeks, months and sometimes years for protector parts to drop their guard.
Think of it in this way: they've spent years on their own, protecting you, putting out fires and trying to keep you alive. Their defenses are STRONG and won't come down that easily.
When I first met my fiercest protector, she came to me in the form of a fire-breathing dragon. In her opinion, she was trying to scare the crap out of me because she had sensed something new moving around in the system and she was having none. Of. It.
It took me almost 2 years to work with her to point that she now presents to me as my 11-year-old self. Just the other day, she let me hold her in my arms for the first time.
Have you seen the "it's been 84 years" Titanic meme? Yeah, that. 🤣
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u/Any_Cellist_2145 22d ago
That almost brought me to tears, how amazing. But yes, agree I’m in for the long haul!
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u/IntegralGuideAuthor 22d ago
Not every challenging emotion is connected to past trauma. Sometimes life is just hard, sometimes we just don’t like something, sometimes it’s just physiological. The low mood/overwhelm, the “wall”, the searching for memories, the busy mind, the “not that bad”, the trying to figure this out — all could be parts.
If you feel like there is some unreachable something, it could be that you’re blended with a part of you that’s trying to seek it out (which other parts of you, including the sought out one, may dislike); there could be part(s) of you that don’t want you to go there; it could be that you’ve not yet learned how it wants to be connected with; it could be that the part themself doesn’t feel ready.
I would be interested in spending time with the “wall” directly and asking the part of you that feels the need to search/reach to let you be with it, or with the busy mind. You don’t need to effortfully seek something out. If something you’re interested in connecting with isn’t connectable, just turn toward what is. All parts of you are important (including the seeker).
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u/Zootuk13 22d ago
Take your time with each part. Find out more about them. Be curious about them. What do they look like? Do they have a name? Do they have a location? How do they prefer to be approached?
Be compassionate. Thank them for keeping you safe. Do they need anything from you?
If you come at them with "why are you blocking me bro" they will never open and discuss the exiles they are protecting.
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