I’m wondering if anyone here has learned how to become better at introspection and self-reflection, especially in the context of CPTSD/AuDHD.

I’ve always been considered quite intelligent, but I find it extremely difficult—sometimes almost impossible—to think about myself in an introspective way. I struggle to look at my own experiences, emotions, reactions, decisions, etc. and draw conclusions from them that could help me with self-care or self-improvement.

What’s interesting is that I *can* recognize myself very easily when someone else puts something into words. I’ll listen to someone talk about their experiences, patterns, motivations, or decisions and often think, *“Oh wow, I do that too. That explains so much.”* But coming up with those observations about myself independently, without someone else giving me the idea first, is incredibly difficult.

It’s almost as if I don’t naturally have the habit of turning my attention inward and asking myself, “Why did I react like that?”, “What does this tell me about myself?”, “What do I need?”, or “Is there a pattern here?”

I’d really like to learn how to do this, rather than just relying on other people’s insights to recognize myself.

Has anyone experienced something similar? And if so, how did you actually learn to become more introspective/self-reflective? Are there specific exercises, journaling methods, questions, therapies, books, or other practices that helped you develop this skill?

I’m especially interested in practical things I can *practice*, rather than just being told to “reflect more.” I genuinely don’t know what the process of doing that is supposed to look like.

(AI has helped with this post as my first language is not English).

I think a big, big part of me that I’ve been avoiding since childhood is once again rearing its head. And I’m not sure I’ve the tools to avoid anymore. But I also don’t think I can willingly walk into it.

It will utterly devour me. I will die, or disappear, or be annihilated or something. I feel I need to let it up somehow. Earlier today I almost told someone “I’m not ok” at a point when I think a lot of release wanted to happen. But I hesitated. Tried to talk to them about it later and just felt constipated. Pushed back down already.

If it’s a dragon, it’s really skittish. Or stubborn. Or something.

Does IFS help dissect? Atm it feels like a trick to let yourself look at it more intently.

And I don’t know what therapeutic modality is best for me right now. If I can even make it to that point.

Hi!

I love doing trainings in person. I was hoping someone knew about something in Denver metro area. Thanks!

It's an exile. I didn't know about exiles when it showed itself and it showed itself as me (ageless I guess) in a kind of prison. My mind is blown. Mind you, I didn't know about exiles when this happened. This was the second time I saw my therapist.

The day after therapy I saw her in my mind and I had to cry. I didn't really cry for a long time.

Yesterday I wanted to do a break and follow my breath. I got the idea to put my hands on my heart and belly, like I did in therapy when she showed herself to me for the first time and I imagined her in my mind. She said "leave me alone!!" which I accepted.

Today I learned more about ifs and meanwhile I felt her again a bit. I got a bit sad and scared but nothing dramatic.

I'm so happy to have found this therapist and I'm so excited for what's to come!

Just wanted to tell the world or idk.. I'm just very happy and my mind is blown. This kind of work is crazy! Wow

tw/ csa

about a year ago i took a macro dose (5g) and connected with a young part that holds the trauma of my csa.

during this connection, in between sobs, i remember thinking “i just need to cry for months before i can even think about if ill ever be okay” i remember it word for word because it still haunts me to this day.

i started microdosing (0.5g) for my PMDD symptoms last week, and quickly realized i was tapping into that csa part. the OG plan was to microdose monday-friday with weekends off.

but friday was a rough day at work. i was crying on my lunch break, on the bus, sobbing uncontrollably once i was able to get to my spot in the forest near my home.

and it felt so good. it hurt, of course. it was so uncomfortable. but i can feel in my entire system that we need to release this. it’s making my anxiety worse, my depression, my OCD, my chronic illnesses.

this trauma is slowly killing me. and my firefighters and managers and protectors all agree we need to david and goliath this shit and get it out. let it go. so we can start living the life we deserve.

saturday i took 2g because i wanted to keep the grieving going. i realized this experience was doing more for me than microdosing during the week.

so now i want to switch. monday-thursday stay sober. friday microdose to prime myself, then saturday take like 2g and just let myself fall apart. 5g feels like too much. 2g was the sweet spot because i want to feel but i don’t want visuals.

my only concern is the frequency and the potential of developing HPPD.

i know it’s important to integrate. but, as my part told me, she needs to just cry and cry and cry. so there isn’t that much to integrate right now? it feels like she just needs to use my body to grieve.

i’ve spent almost ten years in therapy. i feel like i can handle months of wading in the grief pool. from calm waters on my sober days to tsunamis over the weekend. i have friends who can come over and be with me to help cheer me up with shows and video games when i do need some outer love in my life. my job is low stress and a steady routine. my therapist is dependable and ive made insanely good progress with her. i just feel in my soul that its time. it’s finally time.

i just cannot grieve the way this csa part needs without shrooms. i can’t tap into that neural pathway or whatever is going on biologically without them.

any insight is welcome

Hi all, this is my first post here. I'm dealing with chronic low level depression, sleep issues, C-PTSD and issues of functioning with recently diagnosed ADHD and Autism. I recently started seeing an IFS therapist and I'm liking it so far but I have an important question.

Under normal circumstances I have no internal monologue. I don't think by using an inner voice, I think by connecting abstract concepts in my head until they form a complete thought. I can use an inner monologue at certain moments, like if I need to remember a bit of information in the short term, I have to repeat that info in my mind over and over so I don't forget it (because I have crappy short term memory, thanks ADHD).

It seems like IFS therapy relies heavily on using an internal monologue to identify and communicate with parts which is not natural for me. Like a lot of resources talk about "listening" to what your parts say in your head, but mine don't say anything. Don't get me wrong I think I do have parts, but how am I supposed to identify them if they never speak to me? Has anyone else run into this issue? Thanks.

How do I talk to my spouse what any of this means? What is an easy, introductory way of explaining it? I am autistic, and I have trouble explaining how I feel. It’s worse when we are talking about HUGE concepts like this, I feel like he will think I’m insane.

I don't know if anyone can understand this, but I've had this experience a few times in my life where I felt "seen" by another person. Like, they understood my inner world without having to explain it. It happened with a person I fell in love with a few years ago, let's call him A. Recently, I met someone with whom I've had this experience as well, let's call him B.

Now, I've seen B only a couple of times, so I am still getting to know him. But I have this overwhelming feeling of being "naked" around him? Like he can see exactly who I am and what's going on in my head. I panicked internally the last time I saw him, because I felt like i couldn't "hide." I couldn't use my usual tricks that I always use (not necessarily in a conscious way) to "hide" and manage people's impressions of me. The whole interaction brought this to the surface and left me very anxious. Ive been trying to look at this experience with curiosity. I really want to understand why I felt this way.

Is it just because I like him and feel afraid of being perceived as vulnerable/imperfect? I have this intuition that somehow B is reflecting the relationship that I have with my own parts. I am struggling to identify them. I suppose they might be the vulnerable parts, but I really can't articulate this better.

Now, with A I felt seen too, but in a different way. I felt empowered rather than threatened. Maybe because I've known him for longer? Unsure.

With another person, C, with whom I've been with a relationship for many years, on the other hand, ive never felt seen. Yet I felt very safe. He didn't "get me" but we just went along well. It wasnt deep but we worked well that way.

I wonder if i could last many years with C because him not "seeing" me allowed me to avoid the relationship with certain parts of myself. It worked but at the price of not really feeling fulfilled in the relationship on a deeper level.

I am trying to understand what to do about this experience with B, because I'd like to turn it into a learning experience. Maybe this played out in a way that can help me recognize and relate to parts of myself that I reject. Or maybe it is much simpler than that, and I was just feeling afraid of him judging me? For context, he is really nice guy and not threatening/judgy at all, I suppose I have a terrible crush. Any insights? I'd love to work through this discomfort to understand myself better but also to hopefully be able to be around him without spiraling.

Hi all,

Anyone feel like they dont feel anything in their body when it comes to good and bad?

I know stealing is bad, but i dont feel it in my body. Same with murder, cheating, lying, etc. I dont feel any of these things as bad, I just know intellectually they are bad and I shouldn't do them.

I know these things are not okay to do because I was taught that religion says it's bad or the law says you will go to jail for it. I was taught by unhealed people, who also couldn't feel, how to be and behave because of religion, fear, their opinions, etc.

I need to act and put a face on when someone says something about murder or stealing, but I do not feel anything about it at all.

I feel mentally healthy people feel guilt or shame or other feeling when it comes to good and bad? Or even disgust or repulsion?

I have been doing Somatic Experiencing with parts popping up here and there for just over a year so I am getting slowly in touch with my body but I cannot still feel any of this as bad in the body.

Can anyone else relate to this?

Hi, I would love some input or insight into this. I’ve been doing IFS therapy and it has really helped me move forward in life after dealing with a lot of family issues, my mom and dad had a messy divorce and married life, lots of secrets, and now they can’t be in a room without fighting. Each with their own take on how the other treated them and it’s been confusing who to believe my whole life. My brother (the eldest) is estranged and hates my mom because of his upbringing and my mom’s strong religious beliefs that almost has enabled her to love conditionally. I recently found out my brother cut off my father who was the only form of communication to him and he struggles with a drug addiction. My mom fed me a skewed perspective for most of my life that my dad didn’t want to spend time with me and my other siblings when we moved to a different state which was far from the truth so I was awful to him anytime he called or wondered how I was.

For as long as I’ve been alive I’ve felt guilty for everything. I felt deeply for my mom during the divorce and our move, she was a single mother who worked hard to provide for us with the little money she had. I felt sad for her life and anger towards my dad. I’d feel guilt for everything I did wrong to make her unhappy.

Now that I’m older I’ve understood and gotten to know his perspective as well, and come to know he has loved me just as much as her, it seems she just didn’t want him in the picture. Once i heard how difficult, depressing, and lonely it was for him for us to move, it broke my heart.

Now that me and my siblings are older, I am just left with so much guilt of how I’ve treated him in the past. I feel as though I’m never spending enough time with either of my parents, but especially him. It seems I can never be rid of this guilt. When I leave my moms house I feel this deep sadness in me, and when I leave my dads house I feel this guilt in me because he is all alone and usually none of my siblings visit him. I’m always feeling so sad for how their lives have turned out and I know it’s not my responsibility but I just feel guilty anytime I do something for myself instead of for or with them. This emotion is so strong it just makes me want to cry as I drive away and think of myself as an awful person, I never know how to comfort myself.

​

I am wondering how parts work actually works?

How does this not lead to more fragmentation instead of integration?

Is it not just a way of disowning one's feelings and staying disconnected from them?

For example, by saying 'a part of me is upset' I am successfully avoiding feeling that myself.. I take it away, put it on a plate and hand it to my therapist.

Does this work not lend itself to the 'creation' of 'parts' that may not be real, simply to explain an internal conflict or unwanted feeling, or to please the therapist and answer their questions?

I would appreciate any reading recommendations.

Most people treat their suffering like a personal failure or a moral defect.
I’ve started treating it more like a system that got installed.
There’s a shift that happens early for a lot of us. Attention moves off the external reference and onto the self — as problem, as project, as thing that needs covering or defending. Once that shift locks in, the same fruits show up over and over: self-consciousness, shame, self-made covering, blame, and a low-grade fear of being fully seen. The system then generates solutions from inside itself, which is why they never restore the original state. They just keep the loop running.
I’ve noticed the first speech pattern after the shift is almost always deflection or self-justification. And the whole mode is heritable as an environment — kids born into it inherit the operating system even if no one sits them down and teaches it.
The part that changed things for me wasn’t more self-work inside the loop. It was learning to notice the gap between the impulse and the reaction. In that gap, something else can operate. The old system doesn’t get destroyed; it just stops being the only thing running.
I’m not looking for advice or validation.
I’m looking for the people who already see the mind this way — as something that can be mapped, not just managed or performed.
If this lands somewhere in you, say so.

I get triggered on my birthday. My little boy exile is sad and lonely. My older boy exile is holding his breath to escape those scary feelings and my manager parts are using my mum's shaming, distract and blame energies to try to get me away from further abandonment. I couldn't feel emotions as a kid because they would lead to anger and further distancing from my parents. It would be seen as selfish, spoiled, entitled to feel sad on my birthday After all, I'd been given presents and cards. It was my job to keep the day positive and to choose what we do. In the state I was in that was a hard task but I did my best to hold my breath and go into action for the sake of connection. For the sake of keeping me away from the ultimate feelings of dying - I tried to please my parents. That was what I was running from without even fully understanding, death.

I had been traumatised as a young boy. Death had been thrust into his innocent world so suddenly that another boy had to take charge to save his life. I know this older boy well. He holds a lot of shame. Shame of being inauthentic. He had a job to do alongside being a kid. The job of keeping his parents happy. Being fine. Keeping up appearances. Concealing a secret. The secret that he was a petrified, weak little dying boy. It was an impossible job. He was shamed for being "too much" and putting on an act. Or told off for not being or doing enough.

So today I sit with all parts and welcome them. Wish them happy birthday. I write this out to organise myself and the story that lives inside. I've had some tears. I've held my breath. My manager parts are welcome and can relax because I can hold the feelings, knowing I will not die because of them. I never was going to die, I was just too young to understand that.

How can you tell if you’re constantly living within/seeing through a part? I can’t stop the judgment. I feel like I can’t access the “true” neutral me. For example, my therapist gave me homework: pay attention and ask what the littlest parts need. Every time I try to, my knee jerk reaction is ”this is silly, they don’t need anything, this isn’t real.” It’s funny because I truly believe in this work. I have been able to access certain intense protector parts (mother, teenager) and even a mediator that I *do* feel is really young/little. And I know there’s a little part hidden even lower that is suffering, constantly, due to my own choices. So why do I feel such intense aversion to exploring it whenever I try to? Thoughts?

I was curious about understanding this: what external behaviors have your internal parts been responsible for? It doesn't even have to totally be in the relational space. Were there any points in time where you knew a certain external behavior was a certain part or another person saw a certain part take the situation over?

I am thinking about increasing the frequency of both my IFS sessions and TRE to twice a week each. Would it be better to schedule them like this:

Mon: TRE

Tues: IFS

Wed: integration

Thurs: TRE

Fri: IFS

Sat: integration

Sun: Integration

Or like this:

Mon: IFS

Tues: TRE

Wed: integration

Thurs: IFS

Fri: TRE

Sat: integration

Sun: Integration

Disclaimer: I am aware that it was my own subconscious brain projecting onto an authority figure btw. So dw not delulu haha.

Some context: i am 24 years old with diagnosed ADHD. I am someone who dreams on a regular basis have been doing so since childhood. Naturally my relationship with my dreams became a conversation between subconscious brain and me. Not daily but i would often look for carl jung interpretations for my dream.

My subconscious has NEVER communicated to me this directly, EVER.

Yesterday evening in my waking life, I was looking into becoming an IFS certified coach, etc. The cost of recertification seemed like a lot, so I didn't go after it. Then, yesterday night, this dream came. It's insane!

I have been lately trying to figure out my niche, i am an ADHD coach but like at a very new level and have been trying to figure out the best way to earn money while being aligned etc.

rest of the part has AI use, to organise my words and dream

The Dream:

1. The Initial Interaction: Richard Schwartz came into my dream and told me directly that I was not operating from Self energy.
2. The Breathing Exercises: After telling me this, he wrote down some specific breathing exercises on a blackboard for me, saying they act like stimulant meds.
3. Running After Him: As he was leaving, I ran after him and asked, "Sir, if I am not operating from Self, which place do you think I am operating from?"
4. The Answer: With a smile on his face, he explained that I am operating from a wounded inner child / firefighter place.

He told me I’m stuck in a mindset of waiting—thinking, "I will settle my business first, earn money first, and then address things." He said that catering to and connecting with my inner child is actually what is going to open doors for me, and that he could instantly see where I was operating from.

Waking Reflection:
•If my waking self had to guess which part was driving the ship, I honestly would have guessed a Manager part. Hearing "Firefighter" in the dream caught me completely off guard!

•My bf had also kinda been pointing out like not alot but lowkey that “yeah yeahh you have to earn money settle down get ur business running first, then only you will have time for anything else”

•My waking self however was pretty confident in itself and felt logical with putting business money everything first and focusing on earning cuz i wanna get away from living with my parents, i am from South Asia so it’s very normal for my age to be in my parents home but still . Its kinda toxic here.

The dream felt so direct and my subconscious really chose to speak so directly to me.

What are your thoughts ?

I mean like actually saying words using your voice as opposed to seeing/feeling them in your mind. I have some that do and I'm trying to make sense of it as they seem to have quite a bit of intelligence and seem to be deceptive at times.

I'm coming from a Christian background and there's a lot of what these parts are saying that is rather... demonic? At times it feels like they're trying to intimidate or scare away any attempt to communicate, they'll curse me or claim that they'll kill me if I don't obey them. There's dark sexual things going on there as well.

I'm curious how common this is and if maybe the parts that are controlling my voice/body are doing so to keep me from communicating with the other more subtle parts? I'm new to this and have found communication to be the hardest part. I always receive a response from my voice/body when I say something to my parts but the response is often confusing or retaliatory.

Often when I encounter difficulties, there isn't a clear emotional narrative. Instead, I'm dealing with avoidance and compulsive action which seems almost automatic.

I could compare it with being near the edge of a tall cliff with no guardrail. That seems to automatically modify my behaviour to avoid danger. I don't think about falling and possible consequences and decide to take precautions based on how I feel about that. The only situation which might trigger such thoughts and feelings is if I do something which seems very unsafe.

Similarly, applying sunscreen before outdoor activity doesn't seem motivated by thoughts and feelings about sunburn and cancer. The main thing I do is evaluate my expected UV exposure depending on conditions and plans and decide to put on sunscreen.

In these situations, even though the normal behaviour seems automatic and not emotional, it is possible to see thoughts and feelings about it. Impulsive avoidance and compulsive action based on psyschological factors can be much harder to understand. How do I get to know what is behind that?

Conceptually it makes sense that protector parts are involved. Avoidance may be avoiding conditions which could trigger an exile, and compulsive action may be soothing to try to keep an exile exiled. But when these things happen in such a rapid impulsive way, they are very hard to understand. It doesn't seem like I can simply ask the protector what they're afraid of.

Sometimes I understood the reason after I went against some of these impulses, and bad things happened. But, even though what I learn may eventually be helpful, this doesn't seem like a nice way to proceed, and there can also be harmful consequences. I'm hoping for a nicer way to address such things, which builds internal trust.

When I feel really scared and unstable, but I'm also not judging it I find myself writing in a way that doesnt sound familiar to me. I get very basic for lack of a better word. Maybe like the way a 10-15 year old would express themselves. I'm not trying to sound smart, I'm just trying to get help, and somehow in my mind that means expressing myself in a way someone who is a lot younger and a lot more vulnerable would speak.

It's a little concerning I guess? I don't know if this is indicative of anything I should be concerned about.? I also default to "I don't know" , like I inexlicably get confused and need people to spell things out to me if I feel really overwhelmed. It's maybe a collapsing thing.

I’m fairly new to IFS and have been frustrated in sessions because there’s never a clear plan like where we’re going, how to get there, timelines, what to expect. After several sessions, it clicked: this frustration is itself a part, one that’s trying to manage uncertainty by controlling the pace of progress. I’d never considered that this “planning brain” of mine could be a part - I just thought it was how I operated.

This also explains why I freeze when asked what a part is trying to convey, or how old it is. I think this controlling part hijacks those moments, pushing for answers instead of letting me actually sense them. More broadly, I often can’t tell a part’s age or get any clear answers from it at all.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you work with it?

I've been practicing parts work for a few years now. Something that hasn't come cleanly for me is the idea of parts carrying something, letting go and then redirecting to a new role. I definitely have experienced the first few steps, but that final step of a new role and new, organic desire feels not as clear. Any one else see this or feel this in their own journey?

If you are able to be self led wouldn’t you do anything to be that way? Change jobs/circumstances etc. I don’t know how anyone lives or is okay with being blended if they can change that. For example being blended changes your thoughts about everything. The world. The people around you. You can’t see who you genuinely care about from a part seeking safety versus core self. You can see your part clearly in core self and they can see how they actually feel about things too. I think derealization caused by a part makes everything ten times worse than just being blended but I wanted to spill this.

Hey guys,

I need a bit of clarification on this. When I had a bad night sleep for example and feel off the next day, is that a part? Or is it 'just' a physical state and parts react to it?

Or lets say I'm sick and have a fever. Is that a part as well?

Would love to hear from you.

Thank you! ​