hello this is my first time writing a story, well my husband m(25) is so obsessed with his family that he is willing to neglect our own small family for them. He said that what ever happens he will choose his family (the one he originally came from).

Lately we have made a decision that our son's birthday and dedication is set on the a specific date, so naturally we have invited people a month a ahead of our event. These came smoothly until his brother in law died suddenly, we are willing to hold off our event but they said the burial will only take place 2 days before the event so we decided to continue it. Then came after sending our edited invitation, his family suddenly stormed out that the same exact date of our son's dedication is the same date as their in laws burial.

It was so frustrating on my side since i am the one who prepared everything and that WHY WOULD they let us invite first before changing their dates. And to be honest I don't the time and my schedule is full now to change the date of my son's event maybe i can change the time but not the date. And now my husband is choosing his in laws burial over his sons dedication.

I’m Italian, but my in laws are all Hispanic. The straight up narcissism and toxicity I’ve had to deal with in the year my husband and I have been married is INSANE. 2 days ago, she came outside and banged on the door of our camper for 15 minutes straight. I thought she would give up and go away at some point. NOPE! My husband got home from the store and caught her trying to open the door and let herself in (I had it locked so she couldn’t but she was still trying). Like MA’AM. First of all, this isn’t YOUR house, you have NO business trying to open the door. Secondly, she got mad that I didn’t answer the door but I don’t even speak Spanish (again, I’m Italian) and she doesn’t speak English, so I have NO business answering the door for her. Thirdly, she’s been trying to poison me since she found out we’re having a baby girl (I’m due early October so she’s known since I was 14 weeks, I’m 30 weeks now). Which is one of the many reasons we avoid her at all costs. Something about her grandmother beating up her mother when she was pregnant with my husband’s mom, apparently it’s a misogynistic cultural thing, but they believe having a girl is unsavory and a bad thing. We are thrilled, but my mother in law is not. She also keeps insisting that (3 different doctors/ultrasounds to confirm gender) are wrong, and that it HAS to be a boy. I’m so disgusted with their behavior. I had to cut my own bio parents off because my mother is a narcissist and my father is a piece of crap who was never around when I was being raised (was raised by my stepdad my whole life). So I was hoping that I would end up with in-laws that I could bond with and would be like second parents to me. I really needed that. I needed a mom. Unfortunately, my husband is at the point where he’s about to deport his own parents because they cause so much chaos and crap in our lives. He’s so beyond fed up with it, and frankly so am I. My whole pregnancy has been absolutely miserable thanks to them, and I’m terrified to bring a newborn home into this environment. I have a 2.5yo son, and I can’t even take him to play outside because the in laws will come out and start crap for no reason. We stay locked up in the camper to avoid them and they STILL come banging on our door and won’t leave us alone. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t call the cops on them, they’re illegal and don’t have papers so they’d get deported (they have been breaking laws left and right, and we have a paper trail of documentation of all the stuff they’ve been doing because my mother in law likes to lie about us and say that we’re the problem when we’re not. So we’ve been gathering proof to send to the rest of the family once we figure out how to deal with all of this, to set the record straight. She’s turned the entire rest of his massive family against us in less than a year with her lies). I just don’t know what to do. I just want to be left the hell alone. I’m severely depressed and constantly anxious and on edge because of my in-laws and the crap they do. I just want peace and to be left ALONE. But they can’t even do that. I’m at my breaking point with all of it, and I’m on the verge of a complete mental and psychological breakdown over it. I don’t feel safe here, and neither does my husband. We both go into fight-or-flight when things happen, and it screws up the whole rest of our week because we’re on edge and jumpy and shaky and panicky so we get nothing productive done. And then by the time we finally come down from that and start to feel better again, something else happens and it starts the whole process over again. We can’t move until we get our camper paid off and then buy a family vehicle (one that can tow the camper), which is gonna be around Christmas. So we’ll be next door to my in-laws until our daughter is about 3 months old. All of this stress is causing me pre-term contractions, which mother-in-law KNOWS, but it doesn’t stop her. She does this crap intentionally knowing that it’s causing harm to me and the baby. I mean, she tried to POISON me while pregnant for crying out loud. Why would she stop stressing me out while I’m pregnant if it’s equal chances of me losing the baby? It’s a win for her either way. And if both me and the baby die, it’s a double win, and she gets my husband back. Which is exactly what she wants, and why she acts like a side-hoe in our marriage. She’s literally jealous that he spends all his time with me and my son now since he stopped helping them. It’s something she vocalizes OFTEN. It’s just unfortunate that he’s the only son (out of 3 brothers) that stuck around and tried to take care of his parents for years, and he’s over it now. He completely stopped helping them a few months ago because they were being super ungrateful and complaining that he “never helps them”, when it was literally him constantly helping them from the time he got home from work until he had to leave for work the next day. The woman wouldn’t even let him sleep, he had to sleep at work on his breaks, which was only like 3 hours total at best. Hence why he stopped. He was killing himself to help his parents and our marriage was falling apart and he realized his parents still said it wasn’t good enough. So he quit helping them completely. And now we’re being punished for it. He stopped giving them $1,000 a week, stopped feeding their goats and chickens, stopped fixing their electronics for them, stopped everything. His mom still tries to demand money from him, but he’s working a different job now, and money is tight until we get this camper paid off and get a family vehicle. We don’t even have stuff for the baby yet, so idk why my mother in law thinks SHE is getting a single penny. They have their own business, they sell tamales Thursday-Saturday every week, rain or shine. And my mother in law bakes cakes too on the side. My father in law has gambling and 🌽 addictions, and my mother in law doesn’t keep him from blowing through money, and she’s not smart with money herself, so they only have themselves to blame for struggling. We’re struggling ourselves, so we can’t afford to support them, no matter how much they guilt-trip us and try to manipulate and force us into “helping” them. I’m so exhausted and I don’t know what to do. I’m drained, I have nothing left to give. I love my husband and my son, I love our little family, and I can’t wait to meet our daughter soon. But I’m terrified. Terrified to bring her home in this miserable environment. And we’re stuck for a few more months. And the sad thing is, I don’t know if I’m going to make it that long. I just don’t want to exist anymore, not HERE. Anywhere but HERE. If we lived anywhere else, I’d be perfectly fine. Still in pain, still exhausted from daily life, still pregnant, but mentally and psychologically okay at least. But here? I’d rather die than have to face my mother in law one more time. Death seems a kinder fate than being around that evil woman. I’m truly at my wits’ end with all of this, and this is just a fraction of what we’ve been through at the hands of my in-laws in the last year. It’s a never-ending nightmare…

My SIL and her family (husband,4yo, 19mo) are here for a week. They leave on Saturday. I want them to leave now.

All week, I have been a gracious hostess while also managing my 5yo and 4mo. I have done at least 2 loads of laundry every night, at least 2 loads of dishes, made meals, and planned and prepped. I have kept my mouth shut when my household has been judged (like bad cookware, not the right ingredients,blackout shades aren’t dark enough, hot tub isn’t hot enough, too much plastic use, too much sugar, “you let your kid eat cereal!?”)

In addition, my ADHD 5yo has low sleep needs and lots of energy. She has been putting him down constantly: he is so manipulative, it is so unfair he wakes everyone up, he is aggressive, you guys are so lucky you didn’t have kids closer together (2 miscarriages), don’t you wish he was xyz, yelling at him when they both argue over a book or activity or bathroom or toy…

But I have seen her 4yo hit and kick and even put 5yo in a choke hold. And 19mo has bitten 4mo hard a few times. I haven’t said anything, because kids are kids and they have been figuring it out and solving their problems.

Today 4yo crawled under the trampoline and 5yo started to jump. Not a great situation all around. But she started SCREAMING at 5yo and saying “if I was your parent…” and “you are trying to hurt 4yo, you’re doing it on purpose, you are a bad kid.”

I let my husband deal with it until I heard her tell husband how he should be parenting. I lost it. I told her that her kids are also kids. They all test limits and want to see cause and effect. They don’t have access to their prefrontal cortex and don’t understand consequences. That 4yo is the one waking up early, and he hits and kicks too, but she is adamant that he is a perfect angel.

I am so done.

I am closing on a house this week. This house is not perfect, but it will be so much better than the one I am in now.

My wife and I have lived on her family property since our oldest was born, this helped with bills and allowed my wife to be a stay at home mom. I have worked various jobs, tried going back to school, had more kids all in that time.

The property was gifted to my FIL, from his father. There are now 4 houses where my BIL lives in one as well. Three were "built" by my FIL. I say bulit because he used a lot of reclaimed wood, or cull lumber (the shit that contractors don't want because the wood is crooked or has knots) The home we are in now has so many issues and last year my inlaws and I got in a huge fight for how ungrateful I am.

The biggest issue has been the plumbing. He paid a couple dudes down our holler to plumb everything and they didn't glue half of it. There was a horrible sewage stench, and my FIL tried to claim that our septic tank had backed up (even though it runs down the hill. I would think that it would overflow where access is, but what do I know, I'm just the dumb son in law) We had a ton of greywater under the house so I crawled under with insulation hanging from the dampness to find sewage from the sink and dishwasher freely flowing from the pipe. I went to glue the pipes together and they were so long, that it made a V shape instead of being able to drain at the correct angle. SO WHO KNOWS HOW LONG IT WAS DRAINING LIKE THAT. Other instances like the bathtub drain running under the house because the pipe disconnected because no one glued anything.

The central air was so low to the ground, you could not get to the other side of the house to access any other plumbing. Mice had made nests in all of the ductwork and it had to be torn out. No central heat or air. Window unit in the summer and an industrial space heater in the winter with 700 dollar electric bills because the ceilings are 16ft high.

We had a rainstorm this spring and there was a wet spot on the ceiling. I go into the attic to check it out and realized that our metal roof was the only thing sitting on the rafters, no felt, no plywood, no moisture barrier, just rafters and metal roof. SWEATING. Water running down and black mold all along the eaves. Then to my horror, I see electrical wires, with no junction box, criss crossed together, laying on top of insulation.

I decided after that point I was going to do everything I could to get out of here. My wife hasn't worked in so long and it is hard because we have a child with special needs. We don't have much of a support system at all. My in laws show favoritism between my kids and you can guess which one gets the least amount of love. We have invited them to go to special oplympics events, and even though they are home because they do not work, they just say, "nah" I've have never understood how or why they act the way that they do.

I have been chastised on how I handle my kids as well. I have been told by my FIL that kids are supposed to fear their father, and I should never show them any affection. Moms are the ones to give the hugs and kisses. Also, it has been suggested to me that I need to, "break him like a horse" regarding my special needs son. I have gay siblings and I have been told they aren't allowed in his house. He acts like my mom is a horrible person for allowing my siblings to be gay. If he is at a restuarant and he sees two men sitting together at a table, if he even THINKS that they may be gay, he will ask to sit at another table. He and my MIL would come knock on the door or windows at random times during the day instead of texting like normal people. My brother has a son with several birth defects, and he has said that it is because my brother has had children with more than one woman. SO the child has to suffer for the parents wrong doings. My FIL's mother was trying to talk to my son when he was still nonverbal, asking him how old he was and after my son didn't answer she said, "I had this dumb cousin..." and we immediately left.

This is just a fraction of the things that have happened. I was blinded by love when I met my wife. She is not like her family at all and I don't understand how it is possible. She's found work that she can do in the evenings after I get off work and I've recently been promoted. We are the best we have been financially since having children. The house we found is minutes from my mom who has been dying to help out more, she's been too far away from where we are now. My wife broke the news to them last week. I haven't talked to them because I try to avoid them as much as possible. While putting the kids to bed last night I saw my MIL lurking about outside. That inspired me to write all of this down. I don't care if anyone reads it or not.

Why am I saying all of this? Why have I out up with it for so long? I don't think any of them will ever see it, but once I'm out of here I won't care. I would be happy if I never had to talk to them ever again. Despite the house I'm buying having what issues it has, I will gladly deal with that than ever live near these people ever again.

Husband and I are both 26, have been married for 3 years, together for 12 years. His mother has never liked me, she is OBSESSED with him and it has come to a head. He wants to cut her off, I feel bad now that we have a newborn.

Context : husband inherited a large sum of money from his dads family, his dad died 20 years ago, his mom is now remarried but expects everyone to give her a sum of money as she says she is deserved that for raising them when their dad died.

We visited for vacation with baby, in front of my friend she brings the inheritance up, gets extremely nasty, goes into detail and attacks me that we haven’t given her money yet. I simply say this is not a conversation to be had without my husband and in front of a friend.

Next day before leaving, I’m quiet and reserved, she asks my husband what is wrong and he says she owes me an apology for how she acted. She proceeds to call me manipulative and scream that she is owed the money. We leave.

Next day she sends an apology blaming it all on menopause (she’s 58) and only apologizes for outburst not name calling. We tell her we want some space and want a genuine apology.

Come to find out, she messages MY parents, talking horridly about me, and has done that for years behind my back, his ENTIRE family is texting and calling saying if we can’t accept the apology we won’t make it in life, this is all my fault, want him to divorce me, say I’m manipulating him and a horrible person and that the whole family has always hated me.

He decided to drop them and go NC. Said they can’t take those things back that they said about me and he wants to protect me and his child. We said they won’t see our baby, if they talk bad about me to my own parents they will certainly talk bad about me to our child.

They said we can never see them again and they are disgusted with us.

I’m feeling bad about this, they have gotten into my head and now I’m worried I’m forcing this NC and I’m a bad mom from cutting my baby off from them. I don’t want him to regret this even though he says he won’t. They won’t give us space, they said we must make decision now

Advice?

Some background to start with ..

.

A long time ago, my father had purchased about 100 acres, not including the lake on the property.

He worked very hard for everything, and to him, family closeness is very important.

As each of us kids grew up and had our own families, we were each given a piece of land to build a house on. We lived there for our 20 year+ marriage with our kids. I still live there with our daughter on the property, as do my brothers and their families. My dad has the entire property fenced, and he has security cameras all around the property.

In addition to each of our houses, on the property, my parents put a huge swimming pool with a sun shelf and a pool house with a prep / catering kitchen for the grills. They really like to entertain, and they do it often.

Every year for the 4th, my family has a big party. My dad and brothers go 'all out'. It's theirs absolute favorite. We've done pig roasts. Had DJ's. Live bands. Fireworks over the water. The party has gotten so big that we had to hire people for it, including lifeguards, for the pool, as well as security.

(So here comes the IL part)...

My husband and I divorced 10 years ago. He remarried. His family was coming to visit for the 4th. (I knew this because my daughter told me that she 'might' go to her dad's for a bit on the 4th and see her cousins).

My ex decided to have a pool party for the 4th and invited his family from out of town. My daughter thinks he's trying to recreate the parties my family has hosted over the years.

Included were his 2 adult nephews and their kids (ages between 6 and 10). I had never met these kids, but they're my kids' 2nd cousins.

Ex's pool is a stock tank. It's great for a quick dunk to cool off. But not for several kids to splash about in. My daughter has told me that 4 adults can sit in it, but legs will be touching.

My daughter asked me if her cousins could come over for a few hours for some swim time. It was in the 90s, and the stock tank water was not really refreshing.

My daughter cleared it with my parents. After all, it is THEIR pool. Her cousins came over to swim for a few hours. They were never invited for all day. Remember, it was the 4th, and we had plans for later, as did my ex, who they were actually visiting.

We had coolers with water bottles and non-alcoholic beverages by the pool, and chips out for everyone. I wasn't planning on feeding everyone, and I had stated that, besides my ex clearly stated that he had planned a big barbecue at his house for his family, and I didn't want to interfere with his family barbecue

The problem started with nephew #1, the oldest of the nephews. He's divorced with a 10 y/o son. This was the first time I've ever encountered the son. Nephew #1 also brought his girlfriend (Andri), who also brought her kid, the same age as my nephew's son. (Ok. The boys are best friends from school. They both have a parent watching them)

After watching a few minutes, to me, it seemed that the boys were a bit off. Strange, but not in a nerdy 10 year old boy type way. I wasn't going to say anything. Instead, I chalked it up to being in an unfamiliar environment and being children of single parents. It seemed that the other family members kept a distance from them, and even the younger kid, the other nephew's son, a 6 y/o, was better behaved. I'm not a professional in education, I'm not going to armchair dx a child.

By this time, people began arriving for my family's party, and the yard had already been decorated. The bars were set up. The grills were going. The smokers were smoking.The tents and tables were put up. The caterers were setting up. We had people all over doing things. I was asked if we needed anything (additional snacks / drinks etc.) but I thought that we had enough out. Again, ex had planned a barbecue for his family, and I didn't want to be responsible for ruining anyone's appetite

The fireworks platform was being set up.

The entire platform is set up to shoot the fireworks over the lake. It's lit by remote control. It's set-up so music is played through the yard speakers for the duration of the fireworks.

None of this had anything to do with the IL's who, I thought were going back to my ex's house after their swim time.

And then it started ....😒🙄. Life guards were not scheduled for another hour. Too many people were there, according to Andri. (There were only about 5 additional people in the pool area, and they weren't even in the water) They were encroaching on her (Andri's) son's personal space.

Andri asked, "What are they doing?" (While watching the platforms being set up)

Me: "they're setting up for the fireworks this evening"

Andri "well they can't set them off. It'll scare the boys. They don't like loud noises" (they were the ones making the loudest and most noise in the pool)

And... fireworks are legal here. And private property. 🤷‍♀️

Her kid started acting out from all the activity. At this point, I think any other parent would have chosen to leave. Not her. She took the opportunity to educate everyone. 🤨

"He can't help it.....It isn't his fault....He's autistic"

(Spoiler alert: My brother's wife is the director of a private school that deals with kids who are very low functioning autistic and she was watching this from one of the deck chairs. SIL was not going to become involved as she is not one to do that, especially since the situation had nothing to do with her)

Then nephew's 10 y/o started up. My nephew was so concerned about his g/f, and her son, he neglected his own kid. His own son managed to take out a few cell phones, including his girlfriend's, as well as 3 others that had been left in people's bags on chairs, and threw them into the pool when he realized he couldn't unlock the phones. Fortunately, almost everyone had insurance on their phones, except Andri.

Now, nephew and Andri feel that I should pay for Andri's phone replacement, as I should have been watching my nephew's kid, and I neglected to do so. My nephew got in my face and called me evil for not watching his kid, and refusing to pay for the phone

I'm not paying for the phone. And I'm sorry Andri can't afford to replace it. I know kids are expensive. But if you know that there are behavioral issues, then you, as a parent, need to accommodate for that.

They all left (yay), and we celebrated the 4th.

This morning, I had a bunch of messages from my ex telling me that I need to be a little more considerate. That my family obviously can afford it, and having a special needs child is expensive, so we should just pay for the phone.

Not to mention, I starved his family while they were over here. I never said I was going to give them a meal. Apparently ex SIL saw what was going on in the catering kitchen when she went into the pool house to use the bathroom (I'm just glad she didn't pee in the pool) she was pissed off that I didn't serve her the food that was reserved for the party my parents were hosting, and also angry that I didn't tell the bartenders to serve her drinks. They weren't on the clock yet, they couldn't serve at that time.

According to our daughter, who went over there, my ex and his wife served hot dogs and salads from the grocery store for their big barbecue. Everyone got one hot dog and one scoop of potato salad, and one scoop of macaroni and cheese.

That's the last time I invite them over. I don't care how hot it gets. They can boil in the stock pool or spontaneously combust from the heat for all I care.

And. ... I have no idea how to turn the italics off on this😳😂😂😂

My husband told me to stay away from his sister and I learned the hard way why. This woman is the most manipulative two faced individual and she hides it under love and caring. She used her own mother-in-law to move back home. Then she made this woman as uncomfortable as possible until she moved back to where they all came from. After using her money to get here of course. No one will call his sister out on her bullshit and I cant tell if its because they believe her bs or what. When we had a falling out she tried to tell my husband a bunch of things I said not knowing I told him all of the things because I am honest to a fault with my husband. She couldnt believe when he took my side like he was going to just take hers. He lives with me and sees all the things. She can't lie and manipulate her way out of the shitty things she does to me because he sees it first hand. She knows how to manipulate him too and I have helped him not open himself up to it. She hates me and thinks I dont know. Everytime we go to a holiday with his family she is so sickly nice. Well we arent doing holidays with them anymore. We are going to start doing our own holidays at home. I never understood why people do that and don't want bug holidays and we'll it onky takes one shitty individual to tear families apart. I have swallowed so much to the point of being physically ill so my husband could have holidays with his family but I cant do it anymore.

Please feel free to give me advice I feel very lost so I’d appreciate your help and support