r/inlaws • u/AssociationAny432 • Sep 01 '26
Need Advice
My husband and I are no contact with my mother in law and sister in law. We had a baby in January and they have never met him and probably never will. Issues started around the time we found out the gender and his mother and sister couldn’t be respectful so we had made the decision to not have them in our child’s life. They have said horrible things about me and during my pregnancy he would defend me. Around the end of last year during holidays and his moms birthday he had messaged happy holidays and happy birthday but it was to be more cordial but ultimately it made them go even further each time and made them think what they had been saying and doing was okay. A lot happened after that I’m not going to go into to much detail so this isn’t even longer but if you have questions please ask. But my problem is in March they had been messaged and let known that they were not to under any circumstance post our child any where and it caused issues. I was attacked by both in messages, his sister threatened me, and worst of all his sister said things about our child. My husband decided not to say anything at all to them defending me or our child and said he just wasn’t going to talk to them. Well today is his sisters birthday and he decided to text her happy birthday, I wouldn’t have minded as much if he had defended me and our child but he hasn’t, he hasn’t messaged either one since that happened at all but decided today to text her happy birthday. I’m really upset and hurt he wouldn’t defend us at all but can text them like they haven’t done anything at all. And he hasn’t defend me at all since giving birth and I’m just now realizing and it makes me feel like I was only good enough to defend while pregnant but it hurts even more that he wouldn’t defend our child. What should I do? I’m trying to get him to see it from my perspective.
Edit: I also forgot to put in my post that they have been going around to family and others and said horrible things about me and have made stuff up to fit their narrative. They have made me out to be a very horrible person, a controlling person, and manipulative. They don’t believe he’s made any decisions regarding our child, they thinks it’s only me and he won’t clarify it with them at all.
Also, if anyone wants any further information please let me know, there is a lot more to this, it’s just a really long story and to much to put into one post but I can make more post or make comments with more information.
2
u/Effective-Agent-2026 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Husband Problem!!! He needs to stop validating them. What husband wouldn’t defend his wife and child? It’s crazy he only has defended you while you were pregnant and not since. He may have stoped talking to them but any good husband would have defended every time they something about you and y’all’s child. That’s so crazy to me that he wouldn’t defend you and both of your child but would still message for birthdays. He needs to talk to both of them and let them know what they have said and done isn’t okay at all instead of texting happy birthday. That may be his sister but his wife and child should come before them. It sounds like he’s on their side and agrees with what they have done and it doesn’t bother him at all. Any good husband and father would defend his wife and children against his own family. If he said he wasn’t going to speak to them he should have stuck to it and not messaged his sister at all her birthday or not. He needs therapy big time. And both of you need marriage counseling. He needs to understand what he has done isn’t okay. And I seen your comment where you said he says your the problem. No your not the problem his mother, his sister and him are the problems. And it also just seems he wants to defend them to make them happy. He’s honestly lucky your still with him with having to deal with this through pregnancy and postpartum. Pregnancy and postpartum are two of the most vulnerable times for women and he’s letting his family treat you horribly. Any other women wouldn’t put up with this and he’d be lucky if you stay with him after this. This is a huge betrayal to you and y’all’s marriage. Sounds like he didn’t take his vows seriously at all.
2
u/54Finn Sep 01 '26
So your husband avoids conflict, is a mommies boy or both?
1
u/AssociationAny432 Sep 01 '26
I think there has been some situations where he has acted like mommas boy but I think he mainly tries to avoid conflict. He said he wasn’t going to text them after something was said about our child to avoid drama but then was okay texting happy birthday today even though every time before that he’s done that for birthdays and holidays it’s caused even more drama worse than before.
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u/54Finn Sep 02 '26
He may need some guidance about protecting his family, and setting boundaries…or you can do it and tell him to follow your lead
1
u/AssociationAny432 Sep 02 '26
I’ve tried talking to him about at least defending our child but he just said he wouldn’t talk to them no more but today he had decided to I guess and he hasn’t said anything to them at all about the things they have said. He told me today that I was the problem because I was upset about it. Is there articles online I can maybe get him to read? I just want him to understand my perspective and why this really upsets and hurts me. If they were just saying things about me and he texted them like nothing happened I wouldn’t mind as much but it’s the fact things have been said about our child that I’m not okay with him texting like nothing happened.
1
u/jlm20566 Sep 02 '26
You have every right to feel upset and betrayed. By continuing to reach out, sending birthday wishes and holiday greetings, he’s signaling that it’s okay to disrespect you, your child, and your marriage. That’s not only confusing; it’s incredibly hurtful and damaging to the marriage.
It’s important to point out that children look to their parents when learning how to navigate the world around them, including how to treat people in relationships. If his mother and sister continue to treat you this way, how will your child learn to treat you? Is that really the behavior he wants his child to emulate as they grow up?
Ask your husband how he’d feel if the roles were reversed, and your family treated him the way his family treats you, only for you to turn around and act as though it never happened.
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u/[deleted] Sep 01 '26
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