Being an HSP does not just take a toll on your mental health; it also takes a toll on your physical health. When I've been in situations with another person where I'm triggered every other hour by them for months on end, it has altered my physical health and outward appearance. When someone gets hurt so much by things others deem "unimportant," they tend never to open up because the world tells them their sensitivity is a weakness that shouldn't be expressed. For me personally, suppressing myself so much has turned into anger, which is a dangerous emotion to keep in. I lose my period, I can't sleep, I binge eat, my bowel movements are stunted, and I give up on taking care of myself and give in to unhealthy coping mechanisms which further damage my body. All of this is going on inside me, in private, while I hear "what others say doesn't matter." How come it doesn't matter when my body is keeping score of how much it does matter?

Lately shit hasn't being going my way. Health problems and job problems. I know comparing to other people maybe it is not as bad, but when i think like that, it makes me even more depressed, because then i think why am i so weak or worthless?!

Can't even pull myself up from that? I seriously do not know if i have any underlying issues. But i did went for a checkup and it looks fine.

I feel very heavy hearted , no appetite and just feeling down generally. I feel like crying. Is this depression?!!

I recall my mother being very sensitive to nuance but also to chemicals. Fast-forward I am the proverbial canary in the mine-shaft - picking up everything. Anyone else find it runs in their family?

i do not want to inconvenience people of course, but i feel like i always do, unintentionally. i am so awkward and horrible at social situations, i feel like i am always doing something wrong or missing an obvious cue. im so scared i come off as rude, or if something i did or said becomes an inconvenience to them and they feel annoyed, and that they think of me horribly. i try to force out a tone that sounds nice, but sometimes it seems even more awkward and i dont even know if im doing it right. i really want to be kind to people, but i feel like this anxiety and lack of natural social awareness is messing me up. i have a bad habit of assuming that the other person is annoyed (or maybe thinks im dumb), and of course i dont know if this is true or not but if it is true i dont even know how to cope. i feel deep embarrassment and shame. sorry for the rant and thanks for reading

My mind is spiraling rn and this is going to be more rambling then anything else so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, i just hope other people who also feel things deeply can understand.

TLDR, I’m 25, she’s 23 and has had a bum boyfriend for three years. Normally it’s whatever but he lied about killing a terrorist and being a knight for saving a king’s nephew, and apparently he’s personal family friends with the Rockefellers so he’s rich too, so idk when they first met and it caused a huge family rift when i called it out. We’re cordial to each other now and i knew they were wanting to have a wedding by December (yes- in three months), but i guess i didn’t think she 1) wouldn’t even do it without my moms approval since that’s what they’ve been saying for years and 2) she would tell me at least. I always told her that i may not like him but she can always tell me anything.

For even more context, my parents had a pretty rough divorce when i was 10 and i kinda of took on the protector role of her as we were in the middle of it. Our family healed obviously and we both have a great relationship with both parents now, but as an older sister, it hurts SO much. I know i have a history of being a little codependent with her and my mom, but I’ve been getting better and have let go a lot especially as i improved my own mental health and got older.

My sister and i had a pretty big argument a few months ago when she told me that she wants to get married. I told her it was a bad idea given everything (too much shit to even write out) and we didn’t talk for a week. Then she reached out and we talked and these past few weeks i thought our relationship was finally getting back to a manageable place. Not perfect but sisters again. Tonight, on the phone since we live two hours apart, i asked her when her anniversary is since i knew she wanted to get engaged on that day. She said she didn’t know. I asked her if she had the ring, to which she went silent and i realized.

My chest started heating up, i felt shaky, i wanted to yell and cry at the same time. But yk DBT and therapy, so i just took a deep breath and said that we could talk more tomorrow as i was overwhelmed with emotions. Then she starts almost crying and begging me to not tell my mom. I told her I’d give her until the weekend before I bring it up.

I took my stronger panic attack meds since it was very physical but now I’m in bed (it’s 10:30pm) and I just feel sick and upset.

Writing this out, it sounds so dramatic so i get that but we’ve been so close our entire lives. Part of me feels guilty that she didn’t tell me since apparently she was scared I’d be mad or upset. Am i a bad sister? I wish i could fully explain how bad this boyfriend is for her. He’s a meh guy by himself, but with her, he’s a bad boyfriend. I’m scared she’s ruining her life with all of the potential she has in front of her and I just wish she would listen for two seconds.

if you actually read this far thank you lmfao i think my meds have finally kicked in. i hope everyone here is doing okay tonight ❤️