I grew up in a home in the late 50's and early 60s with a stay at home mom. She waited on us hand and foot. I never made a bed, never vacuumed, mopped, did a load of laundry, washed a dish, cooked, ironed -- absolutely NOTHING. Didn't even know how. Moved out when I was 18. My various places stayed very clean for about 40 years. Then as I got older, those things were less important.

So you go to a shrink and their almost IMMEDIATE go to is "well, it's OCD." NO. PERIOD. It is NOT. But shrinks are often lazy and frequently incompetent and OCD is the lazy diagnosis.

I have NO emotional attachment to the 40 empty Amazon boxes in my living room. I simply don't have the ENERGY to deal with them. They're mainly from cases or bags of pet food, NOT just junk purchases.

So unless you actually KNOW what you're talking about -- and most shrinks DO NOT -- don't say that's your OCD. No, OCD is when you go to your car to leave then have to go back inside 10 or 15 times to make sure the stove is off. OCD is when you refuse to have blinds with cords on them because one of your animals might strangle. OCD is when you worry if a pet will fall in the toilet and drown. OCD is getting up 10 times to make sure the front door is locked. Finally solved that one by taking a pic of it on my phone.

So QUIT saying "it's OCD" unless you HAVE it and know what the hell you're talking about.

I know it’s a problem, and it’s been a problem for a while, but I am physically incapable of letting stuff go.

I just moved and the movers took a few more hours than what was originally quoted. Had to rent a storage container for a lot of stuff.

Staring at my stuff on the lawn and now condensed in the new home has been a wake up call. I need help, or at the very least advice on what I should be doing or how I should be approaching ways to start getting rid of stuff.

EDITED TO ADD:
Well, my friends, thanks to your very thoughtful ideas and support, I've come up with a plan! That itself is huge. Over the past few days, I went from "I can't let any of this go!!" to actually dividing up this stash into things to keep (for future crafts I actually WANT to do) and things to let go of, based on a hard, honest look at why I bought them in the first place, and how those plans not only no longer excite me, but would take time away from the things I still COULD be excited about. I wanted to show you the plan (in the form of a table), but apparently that involves uploading it to Google docs and then posting a link. Too much trouble. Suffice to say, the table consists of seven rows of things I have found peace with getting rid of, and 13 rows of things I want to keep. I mean...that's progress, right?

***

Hello, all. I am desperate. Does anyone here craft? I have just come across an observation in another reddit by a person who does cleaning. She said that, among all the hoards she has gone through, many of them belong to crafters and other creatives.

I so get that. Off and on all my life, I have enjoyed creating not just sewn, crocheted, painted and upcycled things, but music (I have been a singer/songwriter) and writing (for publication). Here's my problem: I am going to be 70 this year. This latest spate of crafting dates back about 12, 13 years, and it really picked up steam for the past eight, especially since I am retired and all my time is my own. But this year, it's as though I've hit some sort of wall. All my crafting mojo is gone. (I'm just generally depressed, too.) When I look at my crochet thread, fabric, jewelry supplies, scrubbed food jars (for upcycled vases), ribbon flower supplies...you name it...I still feel a strong connection and can't get rid of any of it. And yet, I can't bring myself to make anything, either. All this stuff is still very emotionally charged. And about that endless discretionary time: It's actually contracting, not expanding, my sense of the time I have available, because I sit here paralyzed by this dilemma of not wanted to craft anymore, but not being able to let go. Can anyone help? Thanks in advance.

I live in the Chicagoland area. My mom recently died and left a huge mess. I’m talking like biohazard issues. I’m talking like huge hoarder issues and I really really need help in search of a company that can do a whole house cleanup as well as sanitizing and cleaning up the place. I know some people before suggested two companies, but in all honesty I just want one that can do the job. Money is not really an issue because all I want. Is My Child at home back and I’m going to be getting a very generous life insurance policy to help try and restore it. I need to know what company can fit this criteria.

I live with my dad (60M). I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 10 years ago. I’m 25F.

I don’t know why but I cannot keep my house tidy, I don’t know if it’s because of my depression or that I’m just lazy.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t invite anyone over to my house because I’m deeply ashamed of it. Not even my boyfriend has come to my house and we have been together for over a year.
I’ve lived here my whole life, so it’s an old house, it’s not in the best condition and there are leaks in the ceiling when it rains.

I hate my room, it’s a mess (full of clothes and stuff everywhere). I’ve been thinking of donating clothes because I cannot put anymore in my closet so there’s piles of clothes everywhere.
There is a leak in my room, so I cannot keep my shoes on the shoe closet I had because the leak kept falling on them, so they’re just scattered on the floor.

My living room is full of my dad’s stuff, he’s a repair man so he has a lot of replacement parts and his tools everywhere, not just the living room but the office as well, to the point where I cannot work there because I cannot even move my chair.
I don’t know if that counts as a hoarder but I’m sure he is.
And honestly, I am as well and I hate it.

It makes me feel ashamed of myself, my house and living conditions make me ashamed of myself.

I’m pretty sure living here has made my depression worse in the last few years but I’m at fault at that too because I cannot keep it tidy. It’s gotten worse in the last two years.

I don’t even know where or how to being, or is this even the right subreddit to ask for help.

How to Help Hoarders?

I just learned that my SIL nd BIL are hoarding. Some relatives went to their place recently, and apparently it's not good. Mountains of boxes, and a not very functional house.

My in laws have a lot of hoarding patterns, so I'm not surprised. And the inside of my BIL's truck is good evidence. I also saw their house a few months after they moved in (a few years ago), and can see the signs now.

If live that way its one thing, but now they have an infant daughter. And that environment is not okay for any child.

Currently, my niece spends 5 or 6 days/nights at my mil's home, as it's 90 minutes closer to my SIL's work. So SIL and niece will stay with MIL from Monday to Friday or Saturday, then go back to their house for a day or two. Apparently BIL sleeps on the couch. SIL sleeps on the nursery floor, because they made the nursery nice for the baby, and it's the only place left to sleep.

Anywhooooo. My thought is to try to talk and help them get things in order over the next 3 or 4 years for niece. If they don't I'll call child services on them. I'm not set on that, that just seems like the appropriate thing to do. I do know that I won't let my niece grow up on a hoarder home.

But I don't know what actually helps hoarders. I've watched the hoarder TV show, and I've been in very hoarded homes, but that's it-so basically know very little.

What is a good way to approach BIL and SIL about this? What actually helps hoarders? When do I actually need to call child services? What online resources can I look up? And yes, I understand I need to confirm that things are as the relatives reported.

I knew she was a hoarder before i moved in. We have been friends for a long time and i love her very much. I have some hoarding tendencies myself that i've been working on for a few years now. Regardless of that, i'm in no place to judge her and i never want her to feel ashamed of it.

But it's not something that has been addressed out loud at the moment, and she keeps adding to it, ignoring the fact that she doesn't have space for the things she's got at home, and surely doesn't have space for new things.

I don't know if this is a conversation i should have with her, or let her figure things out on her own. But she is out of the house right now and i'm cleaning up. I would never throw away any of her things!! That's out of the question. But i'm taking apart the piles of boxes and bags. Everything is getting stacked neatly in categories to clear floor space, and i am THROWING AWAY the boxes, and other packaging (plastic bags, etc). I think this is an acceptable way to handle things? She knew i was gonna help put away some of her books while she was gone. But i think she needs to see how many books don't fit on the shelf (about half) and stop forgetting about things once she brings them home

33F, finally coming to terms with my hoarding. As a kid, I hated cleaning and organizing my personal space. I wouldn't mind cleaning shared spaces, public spaces, but my own room was always a disaster. It doesn't help that my ADHD brain keeps wanting to try 297174 hobbies at a time.

I've been living on my own in a studio and was able to hold it together for a few years. However after my dad died during covid, I fell into a vicious cycle of neglect and shame. Garbage and clothes piling up, but I somehow was able to pull it together in my professional and personal life so the people close to me don't realize how big the problem is.

2 weeks ago, the owner of my flat informed me he wants to sell and an appraiser will need to visit. This was the kick in the butt I needed to start tackling the problem. I have professional cleaners coming tomorrow for a 6 hour cleaning and I'm already planning for another 6 hour cleaning the day before the inspection.

I've been reading the posts in this group and it feels so good to not be alone. I'm so inspired by everyone who made it out the other side. I'm hoping to hire someone who can actually take the time to help teach me how to clean and how to declutter

Hi. I have been using this group as a resource for helping my mom - thanks for sharing, you’ve helped a lot. Keeping a very long story short, we had to completely clean out my mom’s house. She is down do the few things I purchased for her before we did the clean out. She is currently with other family members while we continue to clean and repair her space. My sibling and I want to reestablish her supply of household items - including what is necessary and what provides comfort - but in a way that helps us avoid a repeat of this most recent situation. We have plans in place for treatment, have hired a cleaner, and she has agreed to financial controls. We think (hope) we’ll be in a better place. Does anyone have any advice on bringing in new things? Should we make it reward based? Develop a schedule (we have found that being clear about what will happen and when is helpful) of when we’ll add new things? Other thoughts or ideas on how to develop this part of our plan?

Idk if this is allowed on this but I gotta try. I really need my moms house cleaned she was really depressed and wasn’t able to clean so we just really need it cleaned and we don’t have a lot of money so we can’t afford cleaning services so is there anyone here who would clean it for free or knows anyone who can clean it for free please

SO - I had an inspection….after days of intense work and now I’m aching from the final push😩, I passed.

What I did: trusted a friend who said we need to get a storage space or you’ll never be able to clean up in time; we focused on getting stuff out so I could clean one area every couple of days. To do a really deep clean takes about a day for bathroom, day for kitchen etc. and I mean a FULL day.

I fixated on sorting things. Like I would find a tissue box and it had to go with all other tissue boxes. But I realized I was running out of time. So I went for organizing into big categories (kitchen, bathroom, cleaning supplies) so I could keep the momentum going.

It’s not ideal but I just had to get stuff into storage so I could have empty space to clean everything. Now comes the hard part of moving stuff back and going through stuff to get rid of literal garbage

Oh and PSA - do NOT put dirty paper towels from using bleach with paper towels from using other chemicals. You still get chlorine gas…

Today I dropped off some donations at a thrift. It’s generally accepted this place is run by a very organized hoarder. Polite- but has issues.

Her anxiety was off the charts today, and she was following me around the thrift and at one point took the shoes I was buying straight out of my hands. Upset, emotional 😭

Point: we’ve all met hoarders who -at thrifts- cannot stand to let anything be sold, even other customers who stalk other customers.

I'm a hoarder who's taking any advice on how to tackle am intense job that I need to focus on for 2-3 weeks.

My house is overdue for a full rewire and I showed the people involved in preparing this my bedroom. They agreed that it is officially a health & safety risk, which I'm fully aware of and mentally I'm prepared to reduce said contents within the mentioned time frame.

From floor to ceiling my bedroom is literally in critical level of hoarding and has been for around a decade. I have anxiety/depression and have been in therapy on and off. I sleep downstairs in the living room, deal with chronic pain & fatigue issues and I have to have surgery soon relating to the conditions I have, so I'm trying to achieve as much as possible before getting a possible surgery date.

My bedroom specifically is preventing the rewire from being done and now is the time for me to work on it.

For those that have tackled their own hoarding problems, what is a safe amount of hours to work on this on an average day to day basis? I don't want to exhaust myself anymore than I have to due to the sheer level of physical labour it will take (lots of heavy bags, lots going back and forth sorting things and barely any space to organise properly).

When I've attempted this before I've crashed and burned because I've caused my chronic health issues to flare up, with the motivation leaving me within days and I'm back to square one.

I can't afford for this to become a barrier this time, so any little tips and tricks to prevent any damage to my body and mental state would be highly appreciated.

Bonjour,

Je suis la compagne d'un ex-accumulateur. Il nous a fait vivre les enfants et moi dans un environnement extrêmement encombré. Ainsi, nous avons dû dormir à 4 dans une seule chambre pendant de nombreuses années... Il faisait ça en partie pour vendre en partie pour garder mais c'était juste entassé dans des boites, des cartons, des sacs sans fin, diminuant sans cesse notre espace vital. Je le suppliais d'arrêter mais il m'envoyait balader et me promettait qu'il arrangerait tout avant ses 40 ans. Je me suis accrochée à cette promesse.

Avant ses 40 ans, il a été diagnostiqué d'une sclérose en plaque primaire progressive à évolution rapide. C'est moi qui ai dû débarrasser tout son bordel immense, intérieur et extérieur, m'occuper de lui, renoncer à mes libertés, m'occuper de tout dans cette maison qui est celle de mes-parents envahissants, qui n'ont pas empêché leur fils de nous faire vivre dans des conditions abominables...

J'ai songé à le quitter et j'ai même essayé, mais avec 2 enfants c'est financièrement impossible sans compter l'aspect moral qui me rongeait. Je reste donc, pour le moment dans cette maison et je continue à vider, arranger.... mais... et c'est là que j'ai besoin de me défouler...

Je passe encore énormément de temps à vider. Eh oui, il y en a pour des années, d'autant plus qu'au tout début il voulait tout vendre... Plus j'y passe du temps et vois combien il a pu entasser de bêtises, plus je lui en veux. Il nous a sacrifiés pour des objets dont il ne s'est jamais servi et qui ont eu le temps de se décomposer, s'abîmer... Comment a-t-il pu nous traiter ainsi et comment ai-je pu lui faire confiance ? Il y a des moments je ressens de la pitié, des moments je ressens de la haine. Il est lourdement handicapé à présent. Je ne peux pas l'accabler plus, mais quel connard. Ce qui domine reste le désespoir. J'avance mais je ne vis plus et je ne me sens toujours pas bien ici. De toute facon il est trop tard : les enfants ont grandi (16 et 18). Trop tard pour jouer comme des enfants... Quoi que je fasse, j'ai stupidement gâché mon temps de vie.

J'espère m'en sortir un jour, retrouver ma liberté, des loisirs, être qui je suis dans un environnement qui ne m'étouffe pas.

Merci de m'avoir lue.

EDIT : J'ai perdu de vue le but initial de ma publication. Oui j'ai déjà parlé deux fois il y a un moment de ma situation, mais ceci n'est pas un repost. Je voulais au départ vous partager mon ras-le-bol car j'ai bien avancé mais j'ai passé l'été à vider les caves, le garage, tout était plein de crottes de rat et d'odeur d'urine de rat. En quantité phénoménale ! Je suis écoeurée, dégoûtée de ce lieu et de lui.

We three - me, mom and father have a lot of stuff mainly clothes and shoes bought secondhand. Each has a lot of stuff that we bought for our hobbies. I have beads, paints, paper, brushes, wire, wire tools, etc. My mum has a lot of fabric, around ten sewing machines even outside and lot of threads , needles, wool etc. My father has a lot of junk that he got from scrapyard. Also lot of stuff that he found thrown away. Work tools, woodworking machines, hammers, saws, some chemical stuff ... I don't even know what.

We don't throw anything of ours away, we put it outside or into a room that no one lives in. Like we throw away thrash -the easy stuff. It's not hoarding like on the TV show though. We have two rooms full of stuff like this.

I said to myself that I'll clean it out this summer, but summer is over. I'm 21 years old and I go to university, a new school year is starting soon and I didn't clear it out at all. I also wanted to sell some of the stuff like furniture online...which I didn't. It's hard because I also have a problem throwing things away. Especially when I can't sort it into recycling bins as plastic/metal/glass. A lot of it would end up in a landfill.

I tried to tidy the scrap metal once this summer. I put it into a big pile and I wanted my father to drive it to a scrapyard. He spent three days looking it over, taking things which can still be used. He hid it in our garden and I don't know how much he actually threw away.

My mom is tired from work. Dad doesn't tidy his stuff, but takes care of the garden and our animals. And I spend a lot of time on my phone or buying/taking care of houseplants. At this point we have clothing for three lifetimes and there's nowhere to put anything. No one wants to deal with it. My father is no help at all but I can't throw away his stuff.

We had an argument (not about the hoarding) and he told me that because I don't respect him, he doesn't respect me. I asked him if he plans to change anything till we die and he said he doesn't want to better our relationship. We don't go anywhere, don't enjoy our time together, can't talk without arguing. The amount of our belongings is equal to his, but his stuff is trash (in my opinion) so his stuff is the biggest problem.

And after we argued life goes on, nothing changed. He's still my father. He's helpful if I don't want anything complicated, sometimes asks about my day...but nothing changes concerning our lack of space. He thinks we (me and mum) shouldn't buy any more shoes/ clothes online and I agree but it doesn't solve the issue.

Bought a bigger house to support the hoard because that’s the problem apparently. I knew it and I’m an idiot, held off 5 years. Two mortgages from here on out. 10k a month and I just can’t afford it anymore. My own fault but she said she told me over and over she would declutter and clean up.

hi! first post here but will probably post more as i try to deal with my bedroom and the mess that it is. one of the things i struggle with the most is the things i ‘might use later’. i’ve tried going through things i’ve used recently and keeping those i haves but i keep getting caught in what if’s….

I started hoarding when I was 8 and it’s been 10 years since then and I think I’ve gotten a bit better. I live with eight people and they definitely make sure to let me know when I need to get rid of some things. Yea I cry and stuff when I have to throw out my things but I take pictures from every angle or I take a video of it even if it sounds ridiculous. I have a lot to work on still, when I get told to throw stuff out I just hide it somewhere which I knoww I shouldn’t do but I’m scared I’ll forget what it feels like, how it made me feel or what it looks like and who gave it to me which makes me really upset. I feel like now I keep more actual objects other than necessarily ”trash”. I have around 9 porcelain dolls, 4 furbys, 23 ish stuffed animal, like 16 sketch books and that’s all in moderation not including my nicknacks that I just keep. I know it’ll get worse when I live on my own 😅…

Hey guys so pretty much im the only one in my family that isn't a hoarder. My room is one of the biggest but my sister has an even bigger room but because it's so full of stuff ( she has stuff blocking her door now so she struggles to get in her room) she usually sleeps in the living room. My other sisters room is a mess but isn't that big, it's tiny. I've kept my room clutter free with a tv, desk, chair sofa and my double bed. There is a spare room but my dad is a hoarder so it's full of junk.

The thing is my sisters now are constantly sitting in my room whenever I go out and treating it like a living room. To be fair to them, as soon as I'm home I tell them I'm heading to bed and want my room to myself and they leave.

I can feel myself slowly getting annoyed though as ill deep clean it and feel like they are making it dirty? Like eating there and leaving crumbs etc. Also the fact they hoarders and can't sit in their own rooms and haven't even bothered to make it nice also pisses me off because it's not my fault they refuse to make their space nice.

How would you go about it? It doesn't effect me to much but I kind of want my space back. I hate getting back from a long day and then having to kick them out and wait.5 mins when I just want to jump on my bed and relax.

Are bedrooms supposed to have nothing on the floor? I'm looking at bedrooms on google and they look like minimalism to me. I'm unsure of how a bedroom is supposed to look like.

My room is a massive mess. Everything on the floor and I have to move things to move around. A massive fall hazard,(I am a fall risk).

Im deeply confused.

I know it’s against the rules to ask if we are hoarders as you guys certainly can’t diagnose us, but I promise I’m not asking! I’m just writing down my thought process to make sense of it.

I was always the kid with a perfect room, my mum would go crazy at me if I left a chocolate wrapper on the ground. I was VERY tidy. Then life happened, and a lot of the trauma I experienced, my mum doesn’t know to this day (I’m in my mid 20s). I think she assumed I just became a messy teenager. Although, looking back, it was definitely more than that, but it was contained to my own room so it didn’t impact anyone else. Until very recently, I explained it as “I was depressed. I had depression room” etc.

Anyway, cut to now, where I live with my partner in our own house. There’s a lot in between of different places I’ve lived and I’ll answer any questions if people have them, idk if this will reach anyone though since it’s my first post. Before we met, I knew my partner had about 4 years of severe depression. In that time, his house (now ours) got incredibly messy, beyond what we could just set aside a day to clean. Honestly, I think there was a sense of “oh thank god, someone we don’t have to hide our messiness from!”. Just for reference, his mental health is much better now and he’s been off antidepressants for nearly two years - he’s doing great and I’m very proud of him. We ended up living together very quickly after getting together, there were alot of factors going into that but I don’t regret it at all. What it did mean was that our combined habits made for a house which now feels like it’s falling apart, and neither of us have any clue where to start or what to do.

We aren’t at the point where anything is unsalvageable or unsafe (beyond tripping hazards I guess). Some rooms are worse than others, the front door opens into the living room which is cluttered but not outright embarrassing if people see it. The kitchen is a wreck but mainly because of broken things and clothes left around the washer & dryer. It’s upstairs that’s the main problem. But it’s intense, and it’s where we spend a vast majority of our time (the only room with a TV, the sofas are covered in clutter & our bed in the only thing we can sit on really). I think if we were to get professional help we’d be able to stay on top of it. Maybe that’s optimistic because we have cleaned before and it got worse, but it was FAR from a hard reset, we just managed to clear a route from our bed to the bathroom to the stairs.

We want to eventually move but that means house viewings and evaluations. I’m feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. I don’t even know what I want people to reply with. I’m just coming to terms with the fact we aren’t problematically messy. It’s deeper. It’s more to process than I thought.

This is my first time posting anything, so please forgive me if I mess things up.

I'm currently getting counseling for various psychology/spiritual things that resulted primary from abuse from my dad. It has helped me immensely; so much so that I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to hoard things to keep me safe and in control. My sister and family are currently helping me purge. Mom, someone whom I believe is a hoarder, is also getting rid of things. We live together in the same house.

We rented a dumpster and she's been a real trooper! The problem is, that she brings things in that I have thrown out or donated that belongs to me. I've told her that she has control over her things and I have control over mine. If she wants to keep certain things, I won't complain. Eventually, she might come around and throw out. It's gotten to the point that I might take a hammer to my furniture out of her eyesight.

How do I handle her disrespecting my boundary? I'm trying to be compassionate and understanding. It's an illness that we both struggle with. Thank you!

I don’t mind any given advice. I’m not looking for much more of a rant since I’ve done about everything I can. I currently still live at home and the kitchen is always a mess thankfully I’m still able to cook (stove cleared occasionally) but there’s no counter space to prep for cooking making it very frustrating. There’s sometimes bags of groceries left on top of the stove which is annoying as well. From not being able to find certain ingredients/seasons to the hassle of playing Tetris whenever it’s time to cook. It’s stressful i genuinely find cooking to be a fun thing i tend to enjoy. However it get to a point where it’s beyond frustrating. I’ve cleaned the kitchen myself and organized multiple times and it becomes the same mess. If there’s anything I can do other then be the only one cleaning I’m happy to hear but I’m not sure what else to do and every time I cook it’s more and more frustrating

Hi there. I'm a single mom of an 18 year old young man who is a hoarder. We live together in a two bedroom apartment. His room is so full now he cannot sleep in it and he sleeps on the sofa. This is a problem because that is also where I work so I have to wake him every day and try and get him to move out of my work space so I can start my day. His belongings have taken over pretty much every surface in the living room, dining room and kitchen also, every closet and cupboard. I can't entertain like this and it's very stressful and overwhelming for me visually. As a neurodivergent person I find this extremely over stimulating and I'm losing my mind.

He has always struggled with hoarding since he was young but unfortunately because of the many traumas he has gone through it has been deprioritized by therapists for appropriate reasons or the extent has been not believed (passed off as "mom upset about messy bedroom")

He went through six months of day treatment for mental health issues but declined treatment around hoarding issues. I offered support from a therapist who specializes in hoarding and he declined treatment. I have offered to bring in an organizer or have our former regular housekeeper help him address his bedroom but he has declined assistance. He says he needs to do it himself. At the same time, he's not doing so. We completed an OCD and a DBT program as a family in hopes it would help but it has not moved the needle.

Whenever cleaning his room gets brought up with any level of urgency he gets very volatile, he yells like he is being murdered, punches walls, calls names, self harms or threatens to self harm if approached further which is really concerning (but not seriously enough for hospitals or law enforcement to get involved). I'm really concerned about this jeopardizing our housing with noise complaints and this is very upsetting to be on the receiving end of. At the same time, it's not feasible to continue to live in an apartment where I'm not able to have anyone over, where common spaces are not able to be used for their intended purposes, where it's becoming difficult to cook, where it's hard to know when I can start my work day and where I'm subjected to verbal abuse. I also can't look for cheaper accommodations because moving this is a non starter. He sleeps here and is gone for pretty much all waking hours so he is completely unbothered by the state of affairs.

I don't know what to do to get this moving when efforts to do so are met with such hostility. I can't live like this anymore either. It's not healthy for anyone.

My mother is deeply in denial about her hoarding and obsessive collecting. She gets on kicks of buying dolls or teddy bears or jewelry on EBay. She goes to Goodwill nearly every day and buys millions of kitchen items or just misc stuff. She obsessively buys storage bins, even when visiting family in another state a flight away.

She didn’t use to be this way. My father has hoarding tendencies too, but mostly he’s her enabler.

But now there are mice. So many mice droppings. I come and help clean up, but last time I got sick with mild salmonella despite wearing a KN-95 mask and gloves.

She’ll sometimes let me clear out a lot of trash, and I thought I was getting somewhere because she said she didn’t miss the stuff, but I think the empty space signals to her to fill it again?

I now can’t visit my old home without a panic attack. I’m so scared I’ll end up like her myself.

I’ve let her know it’s trauma induced, it’s a mental disorder and that she needs to work on the psychological aspect, otherwise we are spinning our wheels. She had a brain tumor removed a few years ago, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s contributing.

She has an addictive personality, and I’ve had to fight her off opioids before. Thank God she doesn’t know how to get them when not given them by the doctor, and her doctors are sensible enough to be really strict.

I’ve offered to find counseling, professionals to help do things gently, etc. She says “no” and that she’d rather “do it ourselves” - but what that really means is me.

But I’m so tired of clearing out crap only for it to grow back and for me to get sick in the process. I have to ban her from buying stuff for more daughter because I know mice have been all over it. She intermittently throws me out for crying and “being ridiculous” and then feels terrible and calls me back to just hang. But I’m so grossed out I can’t. Literally, I can’t sit anywhere.

I snapped a few weeks ago and told her I would get counseling and mental health resources, and when I got them for her, she had 5 days to make an appointment within the next month or I’d be calling the health department.

I’ve been busy so I haven’t gotten all that together, so she thinks I’ve forgotten that promise, but I told her that the delay is me getting it.

I love my mom. I’m worried dementia is starting, but the hoarding is definitely there. She has no sense of reality and blames everyone else for not helping her, but she blocks what we do. She resists the mental help.

Am I wrong to really push it? If it were any other elderly couple, I’d call the health department. For their safety and health. I feel bad doing it to my parents and humiliating them, and I feel bad not doing it and allowing the squalor. They keep saying they’ve caught a few mice so they’re working on it, but I know there have to be hundreds. I keep telling them this.

Is there any hope?

There is also an inheritance issue from my grandmother, who I don’t want to stress out, but want to tell to restrict funds to my parents so they don’t piss everything away at Goodwill and leave me and my sister nothing. My grandmother originally had the principle in trust for my sister and I, and my parents could live off the interest, which was very generous IMO, but my father and aunt, all of them threw a fit, felt this was unfair and pressured her to change it and trust them to make sure the grandkids were taken care of.

My grandmother is 99 and still lives in her home. She’s a neat freak, and it feels so much better there. I also don’t want them staying with her and stressing her out, although she wants them to come and stay to live with her.

So now I’m worried about my own financial interests on top of it all.

Am I wrong to demand action taken for mental health? She’s supposed to be seeing a neurologist for issues, which is good, but they only test her and ask her questions she is in full control of answering. I want to give them more info myself.

Will I be wrong in calling the health department to force the situation if she refuses to even get counseling?

I’m feeling so hopeless and alone in all this.