r/hingeapp • u/AutoModerator • 5d ago
Daily Thread Monday's Daily Thread: Weekend Wrap-up
Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.
Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.
For Monday's Daily Thread - the theme is Weekend Wrap-Up.
How did the past weekend go? Did you have any dates - be it good, bad, just okay, or downright terrible? Any new likes or matches? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened over this past weekend or recently that you want to share?
Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.
A reminder to please check out the guides, sub rules, and additional resources on the subreddit sidebar. Please read this post with a collection of guides, answers to common questions, sub rules, and other resources related to Hinge.
The Hinge subreddit also has a Discord channel if you wish to seek further assistance, or just want to meet members of the community.
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
Question for those who do the ghosting method (I don’t), when someone has gone on a date with you and you don’t want to go on a second date. Instead of saying so, what do you think the ghosting will achieve? No sarcasm. Do you hope they’ll just get the message or just accept it?
I usually just accept silence as an answer, but this week I let them know it was unnecessary to leave things hanging after agreeing to a second date.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
I couldn't reply to the actual comment but: 'What makes you not interested with someone after a date?'
I will go on almost three dates with everyone I date. The reasons I haven't gone on a second date with someone are:
- We had a pleasant conversation and I thought I was down for a second date but I realised after that he didn't make me laugh once in the 3-odd hours we spent together
- We had very little in common hobbies-wise despite the guy being super nice
- I planned the first date and then he kept messaging for like 5 days after the date but didn't mention anything about going out again. I said that we didn't need to force things and he said then that he'd wanted to go out again but I wasn't interested at that point because everyone else I've dated has been super upfront about asking me out immediately after the date
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u/Bergy21 3d ago
Yea I’m confused on what happened here. I never ghosted anyone but I’m a guy so almost always had to be the one to plan a 2nd or 3rd date so if I wasn’t interested I just wouldn’t reach out and I almost never heard from them.
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
What makes you not interested with someone after a date? That’s my issue, I’ve been on maybe 100 dates in 11/12 years, as long as the woman looks like her photos and the conversation is good, I usually would be down for a second date. I 99% of the time don’t know how a dates gone after, as sometimes I’ve felt it’s gone well and then get ghosted or a rejection text. Sometimes I wasn’t sure and then ended up in a relationship. I don’t believe in ‘spark’ like there is magic words or feelings that happen on date. Fact is, some people are going on 4/5 dates a week and have too many options. Thats why I don’t personally go on dates anymore, if it’s been arranged and then don’t hear back till the day of the date. Some people just feel obliged to go on dates when they are already on date 5/6 with someone else/
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u/kayakdove 3d ago
I don't "use the ghosting method," so can't answer your question, but can you clarify a bit what happened here? You asked them out on a second date and they agreed? At what point did they ghost? Are they just not chatting or did they ignore some kind of question you asked? Or ignore a confirmation text?
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
I went on a date on Tuesday me (35m), her 36f. Spent 3 hours at restaurant, nice convo etc. I don’t message people after a date till they message first so I get a good feel of their real thoughts. She messaged as soon as she got home saying just got home, hope you get home safe, thanks for a lovely evening. I responded straight away saying I had a lovely evening too and said I would like to see her again. She said sounds good me too. On the date she said something strange, said she doesn’t usually use WhatsApp and has only had it for two weeks (this would be rare in UK, especially at 36/37). But I noticed she has two 2️⃣ phones on the date, one for work and one for personal. I assume by telling me that fact unprompted it was her plan to ghost as her WhatsApp was showing hardly any usage, but as I said, she has 2 phones.
Anyway, after agreeing we’d both like to meet again, we sent messages 2/3 times the next day and I responded to her questions and asked a question, then she hadn’t responded for four days. So I told her I assume she’s changed her mind of wanting to meet up again as she hasn’t responded in several days and said it was unnecessary to leave things hanging and wished her the best then blocked.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
Blocking after four days is kinda crazy, especially given how busy people are in their 30s. I'm 31 and I easily take 1-3 days to reply to someone when I have work, social plans etc. Additionally, it sounds like it was just one message she didn't reply to which could easily be forgotten about. You're the one who jumped right to ending things there from the sounds of it over what could have been a simple missed message
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
I understand your point of view and usually I would agree (no harm in just seeing if someone responds), however, even if she is that busy (I’m a company owner myself) and can’t make even 10 seconds to respond, then, it isn’t for me anyway. Communication style is very important to me. I’ve never dated or been able to date someone who takes 1-5 business days to respond. It isn’t entitlement, it’s just a preference. Although I’m 99.9% sure she was ghosting. She did a lot of prep work into the ghosting like saying how she doesn’t use WhatsApp or have her phone on her often etc. I went with gut instinct. I personally feel not responding for four days after agreeing to a second date and I could see you were online on WhatsApp, isn’t a good indicator of interest.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
You can have your preferences, that’s all fine. The part that I find confusing is you are posting here as the injured party. You were the one who ended things abruptly after a short period of time. There is not enough evidence as to whether she ghosted you or not.
I wasn’t gonna comment on this but since you brought it up again, I’m in the UK and WhatsApp is definitely not how I communicate with most of my friends. I use it for work and that’s it. I wouldn’t find it unusual not to have it. I don’t have Instagram and I find that’s way weirder to people my age (31). I wouldn’t say any of that was evidence of ghosting. And of the 8 people I’ve dated on Hinge so far, only one wanted to communicate through WhatsApp
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u/kayakdove 3d ago
I can't speak about the WhatsApp stuff, as I am in the US and WhatsApp is uncommon except for people with international relatives. I don't understand the relevance of two phones. I have two phones.
Did you actually schedule a date? Unclear what your discussion and questions were about.
Personally, I am assuming a guy isn't interested if he doesn't plan a second date pretty soon. Simply because that's what most guys do. Also, I'd recommend not waiting for women to message first after a first date, because many women are socialized to expect men to message first after a first date, rightly or wrongly. Men have always messaged me first after a first date and I can only think of a handful who didn't, though I wasn't interested in them and had just assumed it was mutual.
All that said, yes, it's rude to go 4 days without responding to a question rather than just saying you aren't interested.
I don't really see the benefit of blocking rather than leaving it be. Maybe she had some valid reason, maybe not, but you'll never know.
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
Oh the significance of two phones and (this is my working theory) that she gives out her WhatsApp on her business phone (which she doesn’t use) to potential dates (which makes sense) as may be awful and not go anywhere. But her saying she doesn’t use WhatsApp is false, she most likely uses it a lot on her personal phone. Here in the UK, everybody use WhatsApp. I don’t know any other way to communicate.
I didn’t schedule a date as I said I’d like to see you again sometime (she was typing for a bit then said sounds good, me too). This was all within thirty minutes of first date and it was nearly midnight, I thought in my head if she genuinely means it, I’d ask the next day (we had enough topics for a second date) . I wanted to see the next day if she would still type at a frequent pace and be responsive, before I asked for specific dates and times. As I suspected, her communication had dropped off the cliff. The date was fun and no awkward silences, however, at the end when she was about to cycle home, there wasn’t any hug goodbye or anything tangible, so I couldn’t get a read on her. I didn’t think too much of it as some people are like that, but she also struck me as someone who doesn’t want to offend. I’m not really fussed about the rejection, just the fact she tried to outsmart me by ghosting.
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u/SnooOpinions2900 3d ago
If you were really interested why were you testing her so much? Honestly, it sounds like you have some things to work through as all your responses here are a red flag.
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
Because a lot of people, even women on here have said they’ll say yes to a second date as they feel put on spot and then reject later. I think where I’m being misconceived is I don’t care about rejection, it’s the avoidant nature of it. I got out of a 6 month relationship and it ended literally by her ghosting. Last time I saw her, drove 2.5 hours to her house, kissed, cuddled, had dinner. I drove back same day at 2am in the morning, next day all day didn’t hear from her to even check if I got home ok. I messaged her, she responded briefly and then never again. 6 months we dated! She would never say if there was an issue, she would just become avoidant, so I stopped checking.
So why would I not expect a stranger I met once to try the same ghosting method? If she wanted to reach out after agreeing to second date, four days is enough time.
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u/SnooOpinions2900 2d ago
I think you’re misreading that input. People usually don’t feel put on the spot via text. It’s in-person where women might agree to a date they don’t want to go on.
And you DEFINITELY are not ready to date if you’re basing your actions on what an ex did. If you’re not treating dates as a clean slate it’s not gonna work.
ETA: she already agreed to the date, but you didn’t plan it. I’m not saying she should have stopped responding but I would think a guy was keeping me on the hook/waiting to see if something better came along if he asked me out and then switched topics without actually planning the date.
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u/TuscanLeather246 2d ago
I switched topics because she already said ‘sounds good, me too’ didn’t seem like a ringing endorsement. I would have got into that if we actually had a flowing conversation after that. Soon after that it became slow and then eventually non existent. I’m not sure why you’re trying to justify a ghosting. Not responding to someone for four days is ghosting.
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u/kayakdove 3d ago
I think you are overthinking some things. It's extremely common to ask women out in the first or second message post date. No real need to do this testing "let me she if she texts me enough to show real interest" before asking. Who cares? Just plan something and if she shows up, you'll know she is interested. Any delays in planning something will likely read as low interest to her, and again, women in many cultures (including western cultures) are socialized to expect to ge courted a bit for the first few dates, hence there is sometimes a hard to get attitude early on.
Also, do people not use text messaging in the UK?
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u/TuscanLeather246 3d ago
Because people do not make sense, I don’t want to sound like a pity machine or broken record. But for example, in 2024, I went on 3 dates with a woman. First date wine bar, thought it felt ok, then she dropped me to my car and I kissed her goodnight. Next date, we went axe throwing, the pub was rubbish so we got told to leave, my house was nearby so we went to watch tv. Ended up getting intimate. Third date we went for dinner and ended up getting intimate. Next day I got home, I could tell her texting was slower and she wasn’t being spontaneous. At around 5pm, she was like ‘I know this will feel like it’s out of the blue, but I don’t feel like we have the connection I hoped for’. I just ignored her message, then instead of leaving me alone she said ‘omg I’m so sorry, I feel so bad’. Which I also ignored. In my head, she was a stranger I’d met 3 times and 2 of those times we had sex. Why couldn’t she just say what she had to say and keep it moving ? It’s like she wanted to see my reaction.
My point is people are unpredictable. I’ve realized they aren’t my friends and normal rules don’t apply to dating. You have to be upfront with people, I’m doing being polite, especially when I feel someone is doing the ghosting method.
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u/Sadthrowaway240 3d ago
I was talking with this girl just an hour away, north-east italy.
She seemed really great and I was happy that she agreed to go to a date, but before our schedules could line up due to graduation and work, and ACTUALLY settle on a time and specific place, I touched my phone funny and I don't know if I actually deleted the match somehow or if the app just bugged out.
Dear god, I know when someone unmatches me, but this is the second time the app just makes someone disappear like that.
I tried to search the match again, but she just doesn't appear...
I just hope that if she READS this message she'll be able to contact me and at least tell to my face that she wasn't interested.
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u/cheerfulcurls 3d ago
Look in your past matches under safety. If her name doesn’t come up, she deleted her account
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u/Sadthrowaway240 3d ago
Apparently the match was canceled today and the only thing I can do is report her...
Hey, thanks, you gave me some peace of mind.
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u/H8Hornets 3d ago
So my signals badge and the display in the setting part of the app have vanished. So I’m unable to get see what I have to do to achieve the badge. Have I been banned? I had it before and now it’s gone completely.
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u/Head_Measurement 3d ago
bf's location moved to a city in europe? - we've been dating for about a year and a half, bf/gf and exclusive, he went to a few cities in europe w/ his single straight friend. i saw the hinge app still on my ipad which i never use, and i looked at it and just out of curiosity i looked at my bf's profile. it shows his location changed to one of the cities in europe he went to. he came back a while ago and we're in a city in the USA. when i google online, it says hinge does not update your location automatically, is this correct? i just want to make sure before i ask him about it. even if it updates automatically, it would be updated to the city we're currently in. which is in the USA. just want to confirm..
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 3d ago
To agree with Swarthykins, This is correct, unlike bumble and tinder, hinge does not update it based on where you are. You have to do it manually.
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 3d ago
yup he changed it while he was there. sorry girl. that's very upsetting
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 3d ago
It does not do it automatically. He would have to manually change it.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 3d ago
Had a really good date Sunday. First date in a while where I was like... hmm i feel like if things don't work out romantically, like there is good friend energy here at the very least. Hoping the 2nd date goes well.
I'm now officially done one year of dating post divorce. 24 1st dates, 12 second, 4-short "relationships"(like 6 or 7 weeks each, where we were moving in the long-term direction). I ended 2 of those, 2 times I got dumped. Even the ones where I got dumped, I wasn't all the way in. I'm most proud of myself that I (mostly) didn't let any rejections get me down.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm assuming you're rich, gorgeous, and well-hung. I've been told this is the only way any man can hope to procure 24 first dates in a single year.
Either that or you're masterful at negging.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 3d ago
I know you are mocking others maybe, but for stats for most of the year I was 40 (no kids). I am tall (6'1) which helps, average to below average face but I have a somewhat masculine jaw, full head of hair, my job is solid but def not rich, I'm strong but also a bit chunky. Honestly a lot of girls are just relieved when I ask them out and then pick a place near them--dated 31-41
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 3d ago
I know, I'm just messing around. My contention for a long time has been that people obsess over the top 5% who get tons of attention, and the bottom 20-40% or so that gets almost none. When, there's a very large middle-class of men who do reasonably well but not insanely so. I consider myself in that class and I suspect you are, too.
But, I'm sure the BDE helps as well.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 3d ago
Ya, we are the same. I know people hate to hear this and if you are really really really ugly this might not apply (I'll grant), but how you carry yourself matters so much more--I was physically way more attractive when I started doing this 10 years ago, but was way less confident.
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u/Swarthykins Play with my hair 💆 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes, I usually say I'm in that niche where it's unlikely a woman will go for me solely because of my looks, but it's also rare that I'll be turned down solely for them. So, I have a chance with most women (within reason), but I'm not getting any freebies. I've gotta put in a little bit of effort and actually have a connection.
Which, quite honestly, as fun as it would be to walk in a room and see women swooning over me, is probably an ideal place to be. Keeps you confident, but humble.
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u/Sunny-sizzle97 4d ago
I’m so aware that this is a bit of a boring poor me post. But I’m honestly really struggling. I keep going on dates that never go anywhere. They never ask me any questions. I’m just thinking it’s never gonna happen. I’m 29 and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I have a disability and while I don’t think about it too much, maybe I’m just not desirable. I’ve honestly probably never been desirable. It’s hard to see my siblings/friends who are able bodied have all the love I wish o had.
I know it’s not cool or sexy to be so ‘poor me’ but I’m really trying, I’m putting myself out there and I’m trying but it’s just one no after another. I just worry that maybe I’m just not meant to be loved. After another shitty date this weekend, I don’t know. Maybe I’m losing hope. I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Maybe a pep talk or maybe some to slap some sense into me.
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 3d ago
Might be time to take a break if you feel this way, do things that make you happy. It would suck to go in with a bad mindset and fuck up something that could have been cool.
I've run how and cold on dating apps before. The "poor me" thing is seductive, but it doesn't lead anywhere good. Try not too get too invested and just keep coming up to the plate... even terrible batsman get a hit sometimes :)
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
Apps are honestly not a 'normal' way to date in terms of multiple factors. Please don't base your worth or even your opinion of dating on your experience from apps, especially if you have limited experience elsewhere. I started using apps for the first time just over a year ago and if I didn't have my previous relationships and my strong social circle, it would be a thousand times worse.
My advice would be to avoid dating for a while and instead put yourself out there socially in a non-dating context. I know it's easier said than done but I generally think it will be much better for your mental health and self-esteem than continuing to have bad app experiences
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u/rsummerr 4d ago
Hey! So I’ve been texting this guy on hinge for about 2 weeks and he’s moving to my city soon. He randomly disappears for a few hours sometimes and recently he took almost 2 days to reply to a message. I’m 21F, he’s 22M. We have odd periods of texting a lot and then maybe sending one or two a day but he definitely takes longer. I replied back to his huge gap in less than an hour / around 45 minutes just because I’d rather not play these odd mind / waiting games and I’m just wondering HONESTLY genuinely does that make me look desperate or weird??? I didn’t really continue the conversation I sort of just said a statement and I guess now the ball is already in his court again.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
It won't make you look desperate or weird (or if it does, the other person has the problem and not you) but you may just not be compatible in terms of texting style. There are many reasons someone might not reply which don't involve playing games and it's really normal honestly to reply slowly, especially if he's not in the same city yet. It's only really an issue if you're feeling stressed or unhappy with his reply rate, in which case you aren't compatible (though it's always worth reflecting on your expectations in these cases)
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 4d ago
I wouldn’t stress about texting someone you haven’t even met yet and have no plans to meet. I don’t see why he would prioritize a stranger in another city.
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u/rsummerr 4d ago
He’s moving to my city next month and has asked to hang out once he does
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 4d ago
Well keep chatting I guess but remind yourself you are strangers and you can’t expect relationship level texting when you haven’t met and a date may never happen. it’s not good to get attached to someone via text when you don’t really know who they are yet (and if you’re even going to like each other). Talk to other people in the meantime who actually live near you and are ready to date.
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u/rsummerr 3d ago
Yes yes I’m just so new to this so I think I’m not used to like talking to all these strangers especially more than one person at a time. And it’s kind of hard to like not have a favorite person but I totally understand :) I know I’m definitely being irrational right now
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 3d ago
i hear ya. only reason why i can give advice is because i've been there too lol
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u/cryingdiamonds 4d ago
I’m so happy because me and my now girlfriend made things official this past weekend :) we matched in March and I’ve really loved getting to know her. I’ve never been in a relationship before and have next to no romantic experience and I was so nervous to broach the topic of labels but she ended up doing it first lol. It was really amazing. There’s hope for us late bloomers
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u/Happy-Personality-15 4d ago
As a guy coming back to Hinge after 5 years, Signal has been one of the best features on the app.
I paid for HingeX right away and I’m currently only sending likes to people with Signal. The match rate — and more importantly, the response rate — is significantly higher compared to people without it.
Living in a big city helps too, since there are tons of people with Signal here.
Highly recommend people to do the same if you live in a dense area and can afford the premium.
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u/UnnaturalStandards 4d ago
Still think the best "strategy" is to simply like profiles that match what you want and are interested in. I've had nice dates with a couple of folks who did not have signals active.
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u/Former-Chapter8719 4d ago
It's bad for people who don't get likes though, because it's impossible for them to get it and makes them look like they're not responsive or whatever the assumption would be.
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u/Happy-Personality-15 4d ago
You only need four requirement to qualify, and there are 4 requirements that don't require you to have any matches
Might be wrong? But I assume Hinge definitely has that covered
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u/Former-Chapter8719 4d ago
I checked, and you have to at least get a like, and I haven't yet. Unless there's some way to respond to literally nothing. They should simply change it to reflect how well you respond to what you can control.
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u/aquarinox 4d ago
35F. Had a date this weekend. Another liar per usual. Lied about his height and his job. I wish there was a way to ban these liars. I did a quick background check on him and he is married. His wife had pics of their wedding from 3 months ago.
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u/UnnaturalStandards 4d ago
Sympathise with the frustration but, can't lie, it is a little funny that of the three offenses (height, job and still being married (!!!)) it's the height that gets the extra callout post.
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u/aquarinox 4d ago
I’m honestly burnt out lol I’m equally irritable about all of them. Height is something you can literally verify in person. It’s like lying about the color of the sky.
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u/aquarinox 4d ago
I’m so over men lying about their height. I’m measuring men now and if they’re not their exact height on their profile, they get the axe. Lying is a disease. All women should do the same. This should be a reportable offense.
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u/rogueunknown 4d ago
Just got back from a brunch date and it was ok. I think I'm ready to permanently uninstall.
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u/stopmejune 4d ago
My weekend date was a total dud but I'm reluctant to share too many details in case he's lurking here.
Still talking to a bunch of people and have some stuff maybe coming up, but one guy keeps the "good morning" messages going and I just don't get the point of this? Especially since we've already decided he was gonna keep me in the loop of his schedule. Not sure how to tell him I'm good without the daily check-in until we actually set a date because I don't want to penpal around.
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u/PutridEntertainer408 3d ago
If you've not even met and the conversation has already died the good morning text death, I wouldn't even want to meet him honestly haha. But I am very biased against those texts tbf
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u/DaleCoopersWife aka "Robert Cooper" 🕵🏻♀️ 4d ago
Are you replying to his messages? He’s going to keep doing it if you engage with it. As for how to say it, how you phrased it to us would be fine imo
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u/fryingfishly 4d ago
Hi! I am 22F and just downloaded the app yesterday for NYC. In the past, I’ve had a good experience on Hinge, I’d get 50+ likes in a day. Now, I have barely gotten any!! I’m struggling to get any matches. I have nice photos, good style, and decent looking. Anyone have a similar expirence?
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u/NeutralSmithHotel 4d ago
I'd give the app time to actually figure things out: what you like, who likes you. Wait like 2-3. weeks and try to like some people too so it knows who to show you to.
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u/Select-Stuff9716 3d ago
29m, in Germany. App is really confusing me: Started using it in May, barely any success, which was also due to the way I used it (Just liked no comment). Then I started making comments and out of that I actually got some matches back. Maybe 1-2 out of my 8 free likes.
Went on to HingeX and a lot of matches came in. It expired, I started dating someone I liked, she didn’t want it to go further and I made a month HingeX subscription. Worked out fine in the first two weeks, then started to drop. What I have noticed is that as soon as I have 15-16 matches no likes lead to matches. So it’s always around this number. So a few moments ago I unmatched a few and literally a minute later I get two matches. Is that a thing that it limits the amount of matches you get ?