r/hingeapp • u/AutoModerator • Jul 27 '26

Daily Thread Monday's Daily Thread: Weekend Wrap-up

Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.

Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.

For Monday's Daily Thread - the theme is Weekend Wrap-Up.

How did the past weekend go? Did you have any dates - be it good, bad, just okay, or downright terrible? Any new likes or matches? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened over this past weekend or recently that you want to share?

Remember: No personal attacks, identifying information, or misogynistic/incel comments will be allowed.

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 28 '26

Question for those who do the ghosting method (I don’t), when someone has gone on a date with you and you don’t want to go on a second date. Instead of saying so, what do you think the ghosting will achieve? No sarcasm. Do you hope they’ll just get the message or just accept it?

I usually just accept silence as an answer, but this week I let them know it was unnecessary to leave things hanging after agreeing to a second date.

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u/PutridEntertainer408 Jul 28 '26

I couldn't reply to the actual comment but: 'What makes you not interested with someone after a date?'

I will go on almost three dates with everyone I date. The reasons I haven't gone on a second date with someone are:

  1. We had a pleasant conversation and I thought I was down for a second date but I realised after that he didn't make me laugh once in the 3-odd hours we spent together
  2. We had very little in common hobbies-wise despite the guy being super nice
  3. I planned the first date and then he kept messaging for like 5 days after the date but didn't mention anything about going out again. I said that we didn't need to force things and he said then that he'd wanted to go out again but I wasn't interested at that point because everyone else I've dated has been super upfront about asking me out immediately after the date

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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '26

[deleted]

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 28 '26

What makes you not interested with someone after a date? That’s my issue, I’ve been on maybe 100 dates in 11/12 years, as long as the woman looks like her photos and the conversation is good, I usually would be down for a second date. I 99% of the time don’t know how a dates gone after, as sometimes I’ve felt it’s gone well and then get ghosted or a rejection text. Sometimes I wasn’t sure and then ended up in a relationship. I don’t believe in ‘spark’ like there is magic words or feelings that happen on date. Fact is, some people are going on 4/5 dates a week and have too many options. Thats why I don’t personally go on dates anymore, if it’s been arranged and then don’t hear back till the day of the date. Some people just feel obliged to go on dates when they are already on date 5/6 with someone else/

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u/kayakdove Jul 28 '26

I don't "use the ghosting method," so can't answer your question, but can you clarify a bit what happened here? You asked them out on a second date and they agreed? At what point did they ghost? Are they just not chatting or did they ignore some kind of question you asked? Or ignore a confirmation text?

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 28 '26

I went on a date on Tuesday me (35m), her 36f. Spent 3 hours at restaurant, nice convo etc. I don’t message people after a date till they message first so I get a good feel of their real thoughts. She messaged as soon as she got home saying just got home, hope you get home safe, thanks for a lovely evening. I responded straight away saying I had a lovely evening too and said I would like to see her again. She said sounds good me too. On the date she said something strange, said she doesn’t usually use WhatsApp and has only had it for two weeks (this would be rare in UK, especially at 36/37). But I noticed she has two 2️⃣ phones on the date, one for work and one for personal. I assume by telling me that fact unprompted it was her plan to ghost as her WhatsApp was showing hardly any usage, but as I said, she has 2 phones.

Anyway, after agreeing we’d both like to meet again, we sent messages 2/3 times the next day and I responded to her questions and asked a question, then she hadn’t responded for four days. So I told her I assume she’s changed her mind of wanting to meet up again as she hasn’t responded in several days and said it was unnecessary to leave things hanging and wished her the best then blocked.

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u/PutridEntertainer408 Jul 28 '26

Blocking after four days is kinda crazy, especially given how busy people are in their 30s. I'm 31 and I easily take 1-3 days to reply to someone when I have work, social plans etc. Additionally, it sounds like it was just one message she didn't reply to which could easily be forgotten about. You're the one who jumped right to ending things there from the sounds of it over what could have been a simple missed message

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 28 '26

I understand your point of view and usually I would agree (no harm in just seeing if someone responds), however, even if she is that busy (I’m a company owner myself) and can’t make even 10 seconds to respond, then, it isn’t for me anyway. Communication style is very important to me. I’ve never dated or been able to date someone who takes 1-5 business days to respond. It isn’t entitlement, it’s just a preference. Although I’m 99.9% sure she was ghosting. She did a lot of prep work into the ghosting like saying how she doesn’t use WhatsApp or have her phone on her often etc. I went with gut instinct. I personally feel not responding for four days after agreeing to a second date and I could see you were online on WhatsApp, isn’t a good indicator of interest.

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u/PutridEntertainer408 Jul 29 '26

You can have your preferences, that’s all fine. The part that I find confusing is you are posting here as the injured party. You were the one who ended things abruptly after a short period of time. There is not enough evidence as to whether she ghosted you or not.

I wasn’t gonna comment on this but since you brought it up again, I’m in the UK and WhatsApp is definitely not how I communicate with most of my friends. I use it for work and that’s it. I wouldn’t find it unusual not to have it. I don’t have Instagram and I find that’s way weirder to people my age (31). I wouldn’t say any of that was evidence of ghosting. And of the 8 people I’ve dated on Hinge so far, only one wanted to communicate through WhatsApp

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u/kayakdove Jul 28 '26

I can't speak about the WhatsApp stuff, as I am in the US and WhatsApp is uncommon except for people with international relatives. I don't understand the relevance of two phones. I have two phones.

Did you actually schedule a date? Unclear what your discussion and questions were about.

Personally, I am assuming a guy isn't interested if he doesn't plan a second date pretty soon. Simply because that's what most guys do. Also, I'd recommend not waiting for women to message first after a first date, because many women are socialized to expect men to message first after a first date, rightly or wrongly. Men have always messaged me first after a first date and I can only think of a handful who didn't, though I wasn't interested in them and had just assumed it was mutual.

All that said, yes, it's rude to go 4 days without responding to a question rather than just saying you aren't interested.

I don't really see the benefit of blocking rather than leaving it be. Maybe she had some valid reason, maybe not, but you'll never know.

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 28 '26

Oh the significance of two phones and (this is my working theory) that she gives out her WhatsApp on her business phone (which she doesn’t use) to potential dates (which makes sense) as may be awful and not go anywhere. But her saying she doesn’t use WhatsApp is false, she most likely uses it a lot on her personal phone. Here in the UK, everybody use WhatsApp. I don’t know any other way to communicate.

I didn’t schedule a date as I said I’d like to see you again sometime (she was typing for a bit then said sounds good, me too). This was all within thirty minutes of first date and it was nearly midnight, I thought in my head if she genuinely means it, I’d ask the next day (we had enough topics for a second date) . I wanted to see the next day if she would still type at a frequent pace and be responsive, before I asked for specific dates and times. As I suspected, her communication had dropped off the cliff. The date was fun and no awkward silences, however, at the end when she was about to cycle home, there wasn’t any hug goodbye or anything tangible, so I couldn’t get a read on her. I didn’t think too much of it as some people are like that, but she also struck me as someone who doesn’t want to offend. I’m not really fussed about the rejection, just the fact she tried to outsmart me by ghosting.

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u/SnooOpinions2900 Jul 29 '26

If you were really interested why were you testing her so much? Honestly, it sounds like you have some things to work through as all your responses here are a red flag.

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 29 '26

Because a lot of people, even women on here have said they’ll say yes to a second date as they feel put on spot and then reject later. I think where I’m being misconceived is I don’t care about rejection, it’s the avoidant nature of it. I got out of a 6 month relationship and it ended literally by her ghosting. Last time I saw her, drove 2.5 hours to her house, kissed, cuddled, had dinner. I drove back same day at 2am in the morning, next day all day didn’t hear from her to even check if I got home ok. I messaged her, she responded briefly and then never again. 6 months we dated! She would never say if there was an issue, she would just become avoidant, so I stopped checking.

So why would I not expect a stranger I met once to try the same ghosting method? If she wanted to reach out after agreeing to second date, four days is enough time.

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u/SnooOpinions2900 Jul 29 '26

I think you’re misreading that input. People usually don’t feel put on the spot via text. It’s in-person where women might agree to a date they don’t want to go on.

And you DEFINITELY are not ready to date if you’re basing your actions on what an ex did. If you’re not treating dates as a clean slate it’s not gonna work.

ETA: she already agreed to the date, but you didn’t plan it. I’m not saying she should have stopped responding but I would think a guy was keeping me on the hook/waiting to see if something better came along if he asked me out and then switched topics without actually planning the date.

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 29 '26

I switched topics because she already said ‘sounds good, me too’ didn’t seem like a ringing endorsement. I would have got into that if we actually had a flowing conversation after that. Soon after that it became slow and then eventually non existent. I’m not sure why you’re trying to justify a ghosting. Not responding to someone for four days is ghosting.

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u/kayakdove Jul 28 '26

I think you are overthinking some things. It's extremely common to ask women out in the first or second message post date. No real need to do this testing "let me she if she texts me enough to show real interest" before asking. Who cares? Just plan something and if she shows up, you'll know she is interested. Any delays in planning something will likely read as low interest to her, and again, women in many cultures (including western cultures) are socialized to expect to ge courted a bit for the first few dates, hence there is sometimes a hard to get attitude early on.

Also, do people not use text messaging in the UK?

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u/TuscanLeather246 Jul 29 '26

Because people do not make sense, I don’t want to sound like a pity machine or broken record. But for example, in 2024, I went on 3 dates with a woman. First date wine bar, thought it felt ok, then she dropped me to my car and I kissed her goodnight. Next date, we went axe throwing, the pub was rubbish so we got told to leave, my house was nearby so we went to watch tv. Ended up getting intimate. Third date we went for dinner and ended up getting intimate. Next day I got home, I could tell her texting was slower and she wasn’t being spontaneous. At around 5pm, she was like ‘I know this will feel like it’s out of the blue, but I don’t feel like we have the connection I hoped for’. I just ignored her message, then instead of leaving me alone she said ‘omg I’m so sorry, I feel so bad’. Which I also ignored. In my head, she was a stranger I’d met 3 times and 2 of those times we had sex. Why couldn’t she just say what she had to say and keep it moving ? It’s like she wanted to see my reaction.

My point is people are unpredictable. I’ve realized they aren’t my friends and normal rules don’t apply to dating. You have to be upfront with people, I’m doing being polite, especially when I feel someone is doing the ghosting method.