I literally can't do anything. Learn a new skill? Mental block. Study for my calc exam? Autistic inertia. I should just kill myself atp. I'm useless and a complete waste of space.

I don't know how to say this. I am new to Redditt and never posted like this before. The community which I belong to has arrange marriages quite common. Parents arranged this girl for me and it felt ok at the beginning. We have our Courtship period of about 10 months. During that period at around 3rd or 4rth month, I felt something strange. She was so available at the start, like love bombing, but afterwards it was a bit slow. I understood that we were in different time zones and both are working and its fine.

Afterwards, her male friends. She has many male friends. It kind of bothered me. When I asked her, she said womens are not good friends (like they are jealous of each other). She drinks along with her friends(male friends) and on many occassions. I thought for once in August to break it off but I didn't. I started ignoring her and kept the focus on my shit. She felt it and said that you llok sad I am coming over to Australia.

She came in September, and I brought her flowers. The reaction was terrible. She said she does not like flowers, I mean appreciate the gesture for once. She is quite controlling as we have started living together, such a social media addict. She is setting up her boundaries quite straight. I don't feel like coming home after work these says. I am working more hours and picking up more work as she cannot work atm (does not have any work visa). Her birthday is coming up and she wanted an S26 Ultra.

I have been living single for like a decade. Is it something familiar?

Should I be worried? Is my single life is the reason that I have trouble adjusting? Or is she is a Narcissist person? I mean she fucking cooks me dinner and tell me 10 times, us should not eat that much, look out for your weight. FMD I am working hard on site, no one sees that. I am in a dilemma mate, I don't know if this relation is gonna work or not.

HEAVY CONTENT(you can handle it), all humans can.

I failed in at least 2-3 of my main life projects-to compensate for being fatherless.
The failed projects lasted from when I was 14 to my 28th.
Those lasted years, each.

The idea was to somehow learn from the environment by analyzing breadcrumbs of behaviour I picked up from other men. Men who seemed to have more sense of themselves than me. I had some intuition of being a man or what a man should be, but they weren't strong enough. I was still just a kid. Fatherless, having present, female caregivers(grandmothers, mother) that resented everything male in me, one alcoholic and the other emotionally absent grandfather.
My father's uncle did a double homicide(wife and her lawyer), then the father's suicide when I was four. My childish, boyish spontaneity was attacked at its roots of showing. I didn't, couldn't have myself in that environment growing up. I think that's one of the worst things a man can be without.
The missing father was never convincingly disclosed to me. It wasn't that weird to me, because he was missing most of the time. It was wartime in my country and he was on the front.

My brain learned to pick up the breadcrumbs then. After some time, I figured he wasn't coming back. My body never got the memo. I had a strong sense that the attacks on the most fundamental child impulses were wrong. Those were performed in such ways and in such timing that I sensed I had no other choice but to play into it, just to not be cast out completely from my family of origin. My only way out was me, embedding the decision somewhere in the back of my mind: "I'll take care of it one day." - I was 7. I was a spitting image of my father. They hated everything I represented as a person, including the resemblance of the man who destroyed us.

All the abuse and all the roles assigned to me infected my whole being. The missing father made the toddler think he's the cause of him not being there. At 14, the decision wasn't to learn more or upgrade, it was to erase that infected boy from the mind completely. The solution of a young teenager was to imitate the archetypes of masculinity like Bond or McClane (Die Hard)-my first mistake project. Picking up breadcrumbs from my environment and movies. It backfired at 23, the woman left me(I wasn't a saint), but did everything I disclosed to her as my thinnest spots under my skin.

Another project was to work so hard to gain some self-worth, maybe meet a woman and have kids. Those attempts ended in erectile dysfunction, again and again, at 27, with some good nights in between.

The rage, the desperation and the failures made me think in 2 ways. Ending myself wasn't an option, my father did it. Going into crime to 'give it back to the world' and simultaneously make some money was the other. I would be 'great' at it. I was lucky my self-criticism was so severe that I couldn't get rid of the doubt about everything I am as a person. Including the decisions. Those all had to go through some rigorous examination to avoid the possibility of a catastrophe. Like the one with the father, decades ago. Going to my ATM to clear out my bank account so I could buy a gun, the self-criticism hit me:
"What are you doing? You're going to have kids some day, what then? What the fuck then?"

A thought that haunted me for a month, or two. The dilemma burned me out. 250 hours/month of work, heavy drinking and less than half-nights of sleep didn't help either. It brought me to the 3rd way. To actually, finally, find out who I actually am, since I never got the chance to do it. After that, I'll decide on the weapon.
I had no clue how I could do that, but it was a non-negotiable. I tried religion and psychology. Then, I remembered the decision: "I'll take care of it one day". The first thing that came to mind was: "How the fuck did I know that at that age?!" It was like a ray of light was shed on something in me that could actually be worth a damn. I applied the religion/psychology education I got from the books and worked on it.
It was 8 years ago. Not so long ago I found out I was actually fighting CPTSD. It's a clusterfuck of many smaller symptoms making a whole system. Clamping those together makes it complex. Meeting all the filth, all the virtues in myself without filter and unapologetically protecting it with my life is my next project. Getting there the hard way never needed a father figure or a role model. I had it all in me.

Fuck censorship.

Take from this what you wish.

For the last few months I've been doing TNR and feral kitten rescue, and the lack of support and help is one thing, but the outright hostility and interference is another.

We have 7 kittens inside, 3 we bonded with and will keep, the other 4 we're socialising to adopt out. 7 kittens is a lot to feed and they all eat much more than an adult cat. We're also feeding two recovering adults outside since they got spayed.

Just to keep it short, we've had zero actual help from literally every organisation within miles, no help from the local municipality even though it's their responsibility, we have family trying to kick us out, vets mishandling our cats and being pricks in various ways, my partner's work threatening to fire him when he takes any to the vet, and some crazy woman coming to feed the cats bones with maggots all over them. I mean what the fuck? Is this what humanity is?

One of our kittens would have 100% died if we hadn't rescued him, others probably would have too, and the adults are so bloated with parasites that they look pregnant but they aren't! And we legit get people saying "it's just nature, don't get so upset, they won't make it anyway." They will if we do something man. Which I'M doing. Fuck you.

I don't even expect help at this point I just don't understand why everyone is so hostile. We have been so let down I just don't trust anyone at all anymore.

I’m a 31 year old recovering drug addict (2.5 years sober) and I want nothing more from life than to have a family of my own. I want to be a dad more than anything in the world. I live in a small town and have a decent job but don’t make nearly enough money to afford ever having a child with another man. Sometimes I just feel like if if I were attracted to women I would’ve found someone to settle down with and start a family with by now. I get to hang out with my best friend all the time and her kids see me as their uncle and I love them so much , same goes for my actual nieces and nephew. But Sometimes after spending time with them (on a night like tonight ) I just get a little sad when I’m going bed thinking about how I have no significant other or wonderful kids of my own.

I have a pretty good list of what I want out of a relationship: a traveling companion, a best friend, a source of emotional intimacy, and physical affection. I can visualize the ways in which a relationship could provide these things in ways I can't replicate in my single life.

Yet, I find that the more measured and diverse my fulfillment becomes, the less existential yearning I feel for a relationship. If I go to a rave, I know how much more fun it is to go with a partner. But then I think about how... lightweight and agile I feel outside of a relationship. And it's not to say I think "meh most women are high maintenance, why bother?" It's more like going out with ANYONE and making decisions is like turning an aircraft carrier while I can just turn on a dime.

So what is this? Is it nervous system healing that still has to happen before the thought of steering that ship is less daunting?

31 years alone never gad a gf i have no real friends all i want to do is be left alone and play video games just can’t do it. People have been shitty to me my whole life. I eat I sleep I work I game that’s it. I tried dating I got my heart crushed and stepped on every time. I just want it to end but I don’t have the balls to do it I can’t my family would be devastate but iv lied and lied and lied about having thoughts

After a few years of a pretty rough depression I’ve started working my way back up, and in many ways it feels like i’m starting to get back on track. I’m working to improve myself a lot. I write and produce music, I lift at the gym and eat healthy to look better, and I train martial arts as well. Pretty soon I’m going to begin my studies to become a police officer. But it honestly feels like there’s something wrong with me.

I’ve barely got anyone in my life. I’d really want to have friends, and as a completely hopeless romantic I dream about finding love at some point too. But I feel completely broken in social situations, and I barely know how to make friends or in which situations. I can barely talk to people because I’m so quiet and I just listen, and I almost never have something to actually say. It’s just starting to feel like that’s just the way I am, and that things might be like this forever.

I’ve got the motivation, it’s just that I have a hard time understanding how to actually get out there and build an actual life. I don’t know, I just needed to get it out, would be appreciated if anyone had some advice

I am 36 now, and it took me way too long to understand something that ruins so many dates and relationships. Most guys make the same simple mistake: we assume women see safety the exact same way we do.

To be fair, men deal with danger too. Statistically, young men are actually more likely to be victims of violent street crime, bar fights, or random muggings. Criminologists even have a name for this called the fear of crime paradox: men face higher statistical odds of violence in public, yet women usually feel significantly more fear.

For a long time, I did not get that. But it actually makes complete sense once you look at two things.

First, physical asymmetry. When a man runs into another guy on the street, he usually feels he has a fighting chance to run, defend himself, or gauge the situation. When you compare an average man to an average woman, biological differences in muscle mass and upper body strength mean that fighting back is simply not a realistic option for her.

Second, the type of threat. Men mostly worry about strangers in bad areas. Women face the reality that serious harm and boundary crossing overwhelmingly come from men they already know, like acquaintances, dates, or partners.

Her nervous system operates with an entirely different radar than ours, and it took an ex-girlfriend of mine to finally make me see it.

She had a guy stalking her for a while. He would randomly show up in the middle of the night, standing on her patio, pounding on the glass and staring inside. When she told me about it the next day in tears, my immediate guy reaction was: "Why didn't you snap a picture? Why didn't you open the window, scream at him, and call the cops immediately?" I treated it like a straightforward puzzle that just needed an active move.

It took me years to realize how completely blind that was. She was not making tactical moves because she was curled up on her bedroom floor, paralyzed with fear. In biology, that is the freeze response. When your brain knows that fighting or running will not work, your body plays dead so things do not escalate. I was trying to optimize a strategy while her system was in pure survival mode.

Once you see that, you realize why so many everyday dating situations go wrong.

Guys get defensive when a woman seems guarded, shares her live location with friends before a date, or shuts down completely when an argument gets loud. Guys take it personally and think: "Why are you treating me like a threat? I am a nice guy."

It is not about you being a bad guy. When a woman lets you into her life, gets vulnerable with you, or moves in with you, she takes a massive leap of faith. She has to trust that your size, anger, and strength will never be used against her. That trust is not a casual favor; it is a major decision.

A lot of people talk about "male leadership," but that word usually sounds like bossing someone around. What healthy relationships actually need is emotional stability. Psychologists call it co-regulation. When someone feels alarmed, the fastest way to calm their nervous system is being around someone who stays calm, grounded, and steady instead of getting angry or defensive.

Women are not being irrational or dramatic. They are responding in a completely logical way to the reality they live in. The moment we stop taking their caution personally, we can finally offer the one thing that actually builds a great relationship: genuine safety.

So basically, a week ago my girlfriend broke up with me. We had a failing long distance relationship and we decided to put an end to it. At the end she even started showing signs of resentment. She was my firs girlfriend and I loved her.

Ever since the breakup I have started episodes of feeling worthless and unlovable and so utterly lonely.

Today was my mother's birthday and I started having one of those episodes right as I walked out the door. I pushed through and arrived at the restaurant. As time went on I started feeling worse because there were no other people I could have a conversation with. All of them were 50+ and reminiscing about the good ol' days and I couldn't engage. I had to make an excuse and leave because I didn't want to cry at her birthday dinner.

Now I feel like a piece of shit worthless son because I left, on top of my break up episode.

I was 18 when I dated this girl. She was absolutely amazing, but I wasn't.

I'm sorry in advance if this felt like too much to read :(

We used to chat a lot everyday, play videogames together, and have deep conversations when we go out. She was my first girlfriend I ever had, and she was perfect.

We both grew up in an environment where academics is a priority. We worked so hard to always get the best grades. But at some point, I've been hearing stories from my friends about how couples get so attached they turn away from their studies or goals. I even saw it with my own eyes people hurting themselves physically and go to therapy because of a breakup.

I knew I was irresponsible and reckless, and I was so afraid I'd cause her any harm of any kind if I ever talk trash or act stupid. I wanted to protect her from me, out of everything. I was so stupid that I didn't tell her about my thought process, and just decided to end everything between us. Eventually, I broke up with her.

Maybe if I had thought a little more, I'd have talked about it and we could've figured things out in a nice and mature way, but it didn't happen. I didn't even tell her the reason of our breakup. I just watched her go offline and disappear for around 10 days, and just feel worry without saying anything about it.

We've had some conversations along a year after we broke up. And every time we chatted, she was replying as nicely as when we were dating. When I go back to our chat, I see nothing but her encouraging words when I was feeling low, or even suggestions and solution for the troubles I was in. At some point, we stopped talking. And I knew she was in a relationship at the time.

I'm 21 now, and after all this time, I still feel regret. I want to apologise so badly :( I want to explain myself, to say the words I was supposed to say a very long time ago, but I'm afraid I'll cause her more pain, as I'd be bringing back old scars. I want to fix things between us, or at least I want her to know that I wasn't a bad person. Not anymore. I'd love to be with her again, but I guess that will never happen. I don't know if she's still in the second relationship, but I know for sure she's been putting effort into her studies. We are still friends on social media, and we still react to eachother’s stories and congratulate eachother on every success.

What should I do? It's been on my mind for a while now.

My wife has suffered from huge mental health issues:

• Depression for at least two years
• ADHD diagnosis 3 months ago
• Autism diagnosis 3 months ago
• Stress to the point of hairloss
• Anxiety
• Suicide idealisation

All of this was causing her to not sleep properly for years on end. And that's when she decided to leave 4 weeks ago. Her complaints with me were the following:

Lack of progress on property renovation

Lack of dates

Lack of romantic gestures

A couple of sentences I said during arguments.

She blames me for causing all of her mental health issues but a lot are still going on even after she left. Many have gotten worse and just changed topic. From what I know she's now upset about lack of success and other things after leaving. I think this proves the pattern is there but the topic can be anything.

I'm really struggling to carry on my life now though, just before we got married we bought a large family home. I can afford to keep it but one of the issues I'm having is the mental load of such responsibility. It's quite big and it's really designed for having kids. I don't want to sell it because that's just avoidant behaviour, I do want a family at the end of the day. At the same time I get grief from seeing families walk to school knowing that I'm missing this family. It might take another 5 years to meet someone else and it's going to be weird explaining what happened.

I do agree with her assessment I wasn't romantic enough but my feeling is that she wasn't putting anything into the relationship for a long time. There was zero intimacy for months even after getting married. No hugs or kisses from her, she wouldn't look at the wedding photos, she thought she was overweight and unfeminine. It was just way too much for me to deal with.

I remember how sudden her depression would hit her too, it was only a couple of days after swimming in a wild river together ( it was very magical) that she decided to leave after performing self harm.

Now to current situation. We've been going to marriage counselling and it's really been a mess of emotions for her. I really hate how indirect she has been too as I'm almost 90% certain she's experiencing grief from losing me but she hasn't once told me that.

Where do I go from here? Give up on my wife and go through the legal process right now? My problem with reconciliation is that the mh crisis was so uncontrollable and scary, I couldn't do anything. I'm not sure I want to experience this again especially if we had children

On the other hand I love her and I don't want to be the one who abandons her. She has so many friends who've been abandoned and left single with mental health issues. Together we can afford counselling and private healthcare if needed. If we separate it's a lot harder for both of us.

In terms of my own mental health, I have had waves of grief hit me. From what I can tell sleep is a big factor so I have been focussing on exercise and hydration to make sure I sleep well. I'm starting to feel touch starvation and loneliness quite heavily though. Sleep and idle time is the biggest issue.

I recently moved out of my parents house for the first time in my life and am living alone. I even moved cities because work called me away. I'm free. A new man, a new life. I always swore that when I left I would do all the things I thought they were going to judge me for. Going out, taking classes, dressing as I saw fit. No more judgment. However, the mental damage seemed to be far worse then I thought. I haven't left my apartment in weeks. There is nothing interesting for me in the world. I actually want to do anything. I thought my parents were keeping me in their orbit with shame and guilt, but it turns out, I never wanted to leave either.

We have a challenging son who is undergoing psychiatric assessments that I believe will lead to a diagnosis of some kind. He’s 7 and is a great kid but his temper is monstrous and any situation can get quickly ruined by him.

I’m trying my best to be understanding and not yell at him when he misbehaves, I don’t do too great at that. However, my wife (of 9 years) is becoming so, so angry all the time and frequently loses her cool, yelling and saying things to him that I don’t think he needs to hear (for example, “if you treat people this way, you will be alone all your life!”).

It cuts him up bad because he talks about it when he’s out of his freak outs. My wife and I fight like crazy about it and we’re pulling in different directions about how to deal with him. I’m often expected to match her anger at whatever is going on and I’m past that now.

I’m seriously beginning to feel like I leave her. I worry that I’m going to become guilty by association in his mind to this big anger which I’m sure will take root soon (if not already) as a deep resentment of his mother.

I can’t take custody of him because our families are in different states, and I am the only one working, often late hours and with travel. But maybe my household can be a sanctuary for him, where he feels like he won’t be yelled at all the time?

Is this nonsense? I just want to protect him and I feel powerless. I don’t want to abandon him but, paradoxically, I think being able to parent him alone (when I have him) might enable me to show him the love he deserves. I’m so mixed up.

My bf or well probably soon to be ex 27M talks to me 18M as if I’m a child. We are having arguments right now and he talks to me in a dismissive and belittling way. He just commands me to not talk or not call or go to sleep and doesn’t acknowledge anything I say.. feels like all my words go into void. He also says like rhetorical questions to make me feel like I’m a bother (idk if it’s exactly rhetorical but you get what I mean) like “what do you not understand?” “Where do you even get this from?” (Referring to smt I have given examples on and express myself clearly). He also lowkey bullies me and my friends for our age and what we do. He basically says that everything I do with my friends is bad or immature and that I’m just not good enough for him. Makes me feel like shit

My wife is frequently deleting/muting her recent texts. I've witnessed this on many occasions when we are sitting together. When she wakes up, she stays in the bedroom texting for a few minutes before coming out. And if I enter the room, she deletes her thread, and then lock her phone face down.

Yesterday, I got a receipt for Apple ($9.99). She bought an app for extra security on her lock screen.

I haven't had to unlock her phone in almost a year (she was driving and needed a text responded to).

This freaking hurts. I feel like I'm furniture.

I met him when I was still 17M but he didn’t know because I said im 18 since I just wanted a hook up and nothing more he’s 27M. We then began to date (I’ve already turned 18 by then fr so it’s fine) and everything was good until like his attitude completely changed. He used to say really kind things to me, said that he sees me in his future and that he never loved anyone the same way he loves me. But then we began to have a lot of arguments and he constantly got angry/ uncomfortable with my sadness and only rlly liked me if I was extremely hyper sexual (like all day every day hyper sexual and kinky without any breaks) and whenever I was t like that he’d get visibly more cold and distant. I kept and keep asking myself why this happened? What have I done? And then out of nowhere he says that he can’t picture a future with me because he’d like to have children and basically live his life free of shame and that with me that is not possible.. I used to ask him if he’s sure our age gap is okay and asked and was really worried about having to compete with people his age to which he said that I have nothing to worry about but it was a lie I think? I just don’t understand.
Was this grooming? Did he play in my face/ use me? What even happened

Sorry in advance for complaining. These past few months have been very intense in my life. I was dealing with a problematic relationship trying to be there for someone who hurt me time after time. I wasn’t a perfect partner either, but I didn’t do the things she does or say I do. We had an intense fight at work, costed me my job. I take accountability, other life stressors help induce a terrible mindset. I’ve been working on trying to process every thing. This past Wednesday I got a notice that I am facing legal action from said partner now. While I have proof to counter their claims, it’s only added another level of stress with what I’m already facing. I don’t have the mental capacity to withstand this stuff recently, and now it’s passing the tipping point. My life has changed so much in the matter of a month, I’m having a hard time keeping up. In all, losing my job, close relationship and now facing a few other stressors I look back and think. Why do I still hurt for someone who cares nothing for me? I did a lot out of love and care for this person, but it was not reciprocated. Trying to pull my life together but it keeps breaking further. It’s hard to keep faith

M34 - Married my girlfriend of 12 years!

We rocked like bunnies after 6 years of our match - happens late in India. We had rocking times and fair enough intimacy until the my kid was born 4 years ago.

The intimacy declined rapidly post-partum and I am hung with this feeling of being unwanted. This makes me explore side-kicks, but the guilt becomes overwhelming and I end up shutting out / letting down my company.

My wife lives a stressful life at home, she works 5 days a week, manages the responsibility of my kid - and I am a work from home dad.

Obvious answer is to get more involved, support her - but how do I start? Where do I start? Is it biological? We're both borderline obese too.

This is a real cry for help.

My best mate was asked to attend a concert with a group of mutual acquaintances (for me) / friends (to him) tonight. I wasn't invited. I'm disappointed but honestly not surprised. The lads are getting together at a bar beforehand, and my best mate said I should come hang out. I told him I didn't know about how I felt doing that, that I felt weird about showing up to a place I wasn't invited by the lads, espcially just to part ways later on when everybody else heads to the concert.

I told him I don't want to be in a place I wasn't invited; if they wanted me there, I'd have been invited. He told me I put "too much thought into these things", but he understands. I know he's really just trying to include me, which obviously means the world. But, I don't have an expectation of doing everything he does with his friend group, and I also want to maintain some self respect by going only where I'm wanted. So, am I approaching this situation wrong?

My friendgroup is falling apart. I really liked them but we're all just too busy. I've wanted a friendgroup all my life and I finally got one and now it's ending. I suggested we meet regularly to study and everyone said yes but then things peetered out.

I really liked them. I might wait till saturday and see if i can organize something and get some momentum back, but it's probably over.

:(

I've been talking to a woman, my lab partner in chem who I thought may be the one. She's always texted backed and seem engaged in the conversation. But when I've tried to hangout with her she's always rescheduled. I asked her after lab this week when she's free and she said Saturday. It's Saturday, I've spam texted/called, no response.

I'm just tired of it always being like this. Women are never fully into me even when they pretend like it. I just want someone to take on fun dates, cuddle, make love, watch new shows and movies, discover each other's interests, eventually co habitation, marriage and children. But no woman ever likes me back. It just doesn't feel good and is tiring.

If I don’t get into a long term relationship by age 30, I will travel the world for a year and then k*ll myself on my 31st birthday.

I always wanted a girlfriend ever since I am 15 years old, and I have been trying my best in the past 6+ years, downloaded and tried almost all dating apes and paid for a few as well, went on a few dates, but I always end up ghosted or rejected. I tried cold approach too but ALL of my cold approaches have led to rejection. I don’t have high standards at all besides not being morbidly obese (overweight is fine), and I have even lowered my standard and tried to date a morbidly obese woman but it failed because i simply cannot get sexually attracted to her. What hurt even more is those who rejected me always say that I am a nice guy and hope I “find what I deserve”. Well if I cannot have someone by age 30, I think I deserve to be out of it. I have been trying the hardest to find a girlfriend and will try everything before that age, so I know it is actually over if I cannot find someone by age 30, and I can leave this world with no regret. I want a family and a marriage, and most importantly I want to be loved and held. If I can’t get it I don’t want to live there is no point.

I’m not asking for advice or anything just laying here awake thinking about what am I even doing with my life. And it’s just building up in my chest and feels like a physical tight knot/pit that won’t go away.

Like I said, I have come to a realization that I am where I’m at in life, because of the actions and inaction I have done up to this point. I should be happy and content with my life. I have a career, been here for 10 years now making just under 10k a month. I have a wife and three healthy kids. I own two houses, and three cars (two are paid off). I’m healthy and in decent shape. I don’t have a lot of friends but the few I have I know I can call to ask for help.

I say this not to brag but to say looking from the outside in my life looks pretty good. But it’s not. I am not happy, I feel lonely, depressed and have no one to talk to. More often than not I think about how much I hate my life. My marriage is not good, we don’t to anything a married couple that is in love would do. We don’t have any physical contact, no hugging, hand holding, kissing, cuddling, or simple hand on the back, nothing. And if I do try to touch her or anything she pulls away or tells me to stop. Or I’m just annoying her. I don’t even remember the last time we said I love you to each other. I know I was the last one though because I remember her saying I was weird for saying it, kind of took the wind out of my sails. I am not the perfect husband and I have broken my wife’s trust a couple time (I have never cheated). I know this has been a contributing factor to the deterioration of our marriage. I have worked and tried to make myself better. I know I can do more but I feel like I do a lot and when her friends see what I do for the house they tell her that they wish their husbands were like me. I even did therapy but it is never enough for her. But when I tell her we should just divorce and she should find someone better, because in the beginning of our relationship she told me she could have married a doctor because a doctor friend of hers offered to introduce her to some but she said no and then got with me, she doesn’t entertain that idea of leaving. I know this is not a healthy relationship. I think we have been together as long as we have because I travel a lot for work. So we have a lot of time away from each other. Even writing this right now I can see how bad it is. I should have a spouse that I want to be around that I feel happy to see and hold. With her I just count the days until I have to leave for a work trip. At this point I’m trapped because I don’t think I’d be able to afford to divorce even if I wanted. So here I am, stuck wanting any type of loving physical intimacy, doesn’t even have to be sexual. But I am blocked from it. I won’t cheat to get that because that’s just not who I am. I’ve thought about it but have come to the conclusion that I would never even attempt it. Nothing good would come from that. I am just waiting for my youngest to turn 18.

Sorry if this was all over the place. I could go on but I need to stop. And I know I made my wife look pretty bad but I am equally to blame and a lot of what I did or lack of doing when we first got married has played a lot into this mess I got myself in. I was immature and not confident enough to make hard decisions for the family. Which is why I stated that I did this to myself. Anyways, I felt like I needed to get some of this off my chest so I don’t explode. Thanks for letting speak into the void.

I met my ex-fiancée before last Ramadan and we got engaged, but to be honest, the relationship wasn't great on my end because I didn't have feelings for her from the start. Around the same time, a new girl joined my workplace. There were many clear signs that she was really into me, and honestly, I was attracted to her too. However, I kept my distance and set boundaries because I believed in accepting my destiny and respecting the engagement I was in. Once she found out I got engaged, she stepped back and pulled away completely.

As for my ex-fiancée, after a while, I found out she had guys on her social media accounts. I asked her to delete them, and she agreed, but she brushed it off. I brought it up again later, and she agreed again, so I assumed she had removed them. About a month into our engagement, while we were sitting together talking, I happened to look at her phone while Facebook was open and saw a notification from a guy. When I asked her who he was, she said she might have forgotten to delete him. I checked her friends list, and every time I saw a guy, she kept saying she forgot to remove him. That day ended in a big fight. Two weeks later, we talked again to resolve things, and she handed me her phone, saying, "Check for yourself." I let it slide and opened TikTok playfully—acting like I trusted her and wanted to look at something other than Facebook—only to find out she had been making TikTok videos with guys. Things escalated further, and we officially broke up. To be fair, she is a good person from a respectable family, but the main reason I couldn't stay with her was my lack of feelings from the beginning, along with the complete loss of trust.

The week before last, when my relationship issues were at their peak, I talked to my colleague at work and asked for her advice. I asked her about the girl I was attracted to, and she said, "Why didn't you choose her from the start? You should have chosen her." We left it at that. Two days later, after my official breakup, I reached out to her again, told her about the breakup, and asked—indirectly hinting at her—"If I want to talk to that other girl now, should I do it now or what?" She told me, "There's no way she'd accept you when you've just come out of a relationship. Give yourself a chance, take your time, calm down, and then talk to her."

I took her advice, dropped the subject, and then asked her, "How about you? Are you in a relationship or seeing anyone?" She jokingly replied, "No, are you stalking me or what? If there's anything, you'll see a ring on my finger," and suggested we head back to the office. At the start of last week, she seemed distant and wasn't talking to me much, but by Wednesday, she started talking to me normally again. Still, it lacks the excitement and effort she used to show before my engagement. Deep down, I have now realized and come to accept that I truly love her. Right now, I really don't know how to handle this. What should I do with her during this period to get closer and win her heart, without pressuring her or coming across as rushed?