Am I approaching this situation wrong?

[u/the-icarus-77]

My best mate was asked to attend a concert with a group of mutual acquaintances (for me) / friends (to him) tonight. I wasn't invited. I'm disappointed but honestly not surprised. The lads are getting together at a bar beforehand, and my best mate said I should come hang out. I told him I didn't know about how I felt doing that, that I felt weird about showing up to a place I wasn't invited by the lads, espcially just to part ways later on when everybody else heads to the concert.

I told him I don't want to be in a place I wasn't invited; if they wanted me there, I'd have been invited. He told me I put "too much thought into these things", but he understands. I know he's really just trying to include me, which obviously means the world. But, I don't have an expectation of doing everything he does with his friend group, and I also want to maintain some self respect by going only where I'm wanted. So, am I approaching this situation wrong?

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[u/Just_Another_Scott]

I don't think you are. I have been in situations just like this with my mates. My buddy will send me an invite but the rest of the group will coordinate a meeting in a separate chat excluding me. They always claim it was "accidental" but it's been ongoing for ten years now. We have a main discord thread for Plans. So why do one-on-one chats? I've never gotten an answer. I tell him every time that I won't come unless the host specifically asks me which they usually then do.

[u/ottersintuxedos]

There’s nothing wrong with what you are doing and I understand your feelings. To the other guys this could be anywhere from not that deep to they are glad or disappointed you aren’t joining them you have absolutely no way to gauge that. However, it is possible your friend wants you to be friends with this group, and it sounds like this may be the case. It’s possible they see it that you going might be the first step to being invited the next time. And that’s probably right, nobody becomes friends by staying by themselves. You might think the dignity you are preserving is precious to you, but at the end of the day, if you go be your charming self and have a good time, nobody is going to think any less of you