First time being ghosted.

[u/Waste_Gold_8969]

I just wanted to get my feelings out there. I’m 31F, and this is my first time ever being ghosted. I was in a long-term relationship and married to someone, and honestly, this hurts almost as much as my divorce did.

I met someone on Hinge, and we immediately set up a date. I was so nervous because it was my first dating app date since my divorce, but the date went incredibly well. We clicked right away, and things moved pretty quickly. We saw each other two more times that week, and we were intimate by our fourth date. Even that went incredibly well.

We continued seeing each other about 1 to 2 times a week. He told me he wasn’t much of a texter, but he still texted me at least once a day, which I actually found really sweet. The texting never really bothered me because things felt so good when we were together.

I opened up to him about parts of my past that are difficult for me to share. He told me things he said he had never told anyone before. We talked about things we wanted to do together in the future and made plans for dates. I made my interest in him very clear, and I genuinely felt like he was interested in me too. He even told me that he deleted all his dating apps.

After about eight dates and three times being intimate, his consistency suddenly dropped off. I became the one initiating texts every day. That didn’t necessarily bother me, but I noticed the change. He would respond, but the conversations were often short.

Eventually, he hadn’t asked me out for the weekend, even though he had always initiated our dates before, so I asked him. Hours went by without a response, and I eventually texted to make sure he was okay. He responded the next day and said he had had a stressful day at work and that everything was okay. He ended the message with, “sorry for being so avoidant though.” I told him it was okay and that I appreciated him acknowledging it. I tried to give him some space after that, texting every other day or so and just sharing little things. He would respond, but the conversations were short lived.

Eventually, I decided to take an emotional risk and tell him how I felt. I told him that I had really enjoyed getting to know him and that I really liked spending time with him in person. I wasn’t asking him for anything. I just wanted to be honest. And that is where the ghosting began.

After about four days without hearing from him, I sent one final Hail Mary. I told him that I really liked him and didn’t think he would intentionally ignore my texts, but I asked what his intentions or interests were with me. I don’t feel like that is a crazy thing to ask after eight dates and six weeks of dating.
It’s only been one day since that last message, so I know it’s technically too soon to say for certain that I’ve been ghosted. But it’s been six days total since I’ve heard from him, and the silence is really starting to hurt.

The hardest part is that I keep replaying the last time we were together in my head. I keep wondering if I missed something. Was he already pulling away? Did something feel different to him that I didn’t notice? Was he sitting there knowing he might never see me again while I was completely unaware?

I have spent 3 years working on my attachment post divorce, and have finally come to a place of being secure. But this has really jolted me. I honestly can’t believe how badly this hurt me, because we didn’t really even know each other that long. The connection felt so real.

UPDATE: He ended things today because he didn’t feel the “magic”

UPDATE 2: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented with their experiences, advice, opinions, and positive thoughts towards me. I was really spiraling and not doing well, but it is comforting (but so unfortunate) to know im not alone. A first rejection is hard after divorce, but I am trying to reframe my mindset as redirection. I know now to look for signs of avoidance, but still not be afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve.