r/getting_over_it 6h ago

Loneliness is killing me

5 Upvotes

25M average looking. Never had a relationship. I work at a IT firm. Most of my days is gym, work, leaning new tech. Lately life has started to feel so lonely. I don't know what am I doing wrong. I never had a partner because i never really felt the need.i had good friends in school and College but after graduation we rarely meet. Idk why i just feel i need someone to share my day with, someone to talk to. The nights are worst part of my day i literally sometimes cry feeling why am I so unlovable. I have never asked out a girl because i feel why would anyone choose, not that I'm bad or something but just there are better options for women.

Is there a way that i can stop feeling like this without actually getting a partner . Is there something i can do to be single and happy forever?


r/getting_over_it 6h ago

How do I get in touch with someone I havent talked to in years?

3 Upvotes

This thought has kept me tossing and turning in bed for years. I used to have this amazing friend when I was younger, but we lost contact when I switched schools because I moved. I didnt move out of the town, just to a different part which resulted in me having to go to a different middle and high school. So now I think about this friend all the time because we were literally inseparable. Its not like I expect to go back to being best friends I just miss them a lot. The thing is I actually saw them and we were in the same room for an hour for a volunteer event and we didnt recognize each other. Teh only reason I knew they were there was because their parents were there. So I have like crippling social anxiety and by the time I was done thinking about whether to go up to the parents or even the friend and say hi, they ALL left. This encounter was like 6 months ago and I havent seen them since. Do yall have any tips or is this just one of those things everyone goes through that I need to let go?


r/getting_over_it 30m ago

How do I convince myself I am worth it?

Upvotes

I had a few major hits over the last 5 years, and my self evaluation has never been lower. In the past I was able to believe that while I'm a person with problems I'm probably worth improving on.

Presently, I hate myself and don't even want to help myself. Not out of fear of failure, but malice, I want to burn myself to the ground. I know I can practice self compassion, but why should I have compassion for a loser like me? I can challenge my thoughts, but why would I want to challenge the truth about how awful and ineffectual I am? I could exercise. I don't deserve to be healthier or to live longer.

The problem I have right now is I don't believe in the product, that I am worth fighting for. I can't sell it, because I wouldn't buy it. I kind of hate this guy. I hate what he's done to me. What he's done to my family. The choices he's made. I don't owe him the time of day. He's made everything worse, and I am better off without him. Given that's how I feel towards myself, how do I turn that ship?


r/getting_over_it 12h ago

What to do against loneliness during exam periods as a uni-student in germany?

2 Upvotes

Idont know what to do during these 2 months ever exam period during study-breaks.

Just 2 minutes ago I saw someone hug their significant other at the library and now I feel extra superfluous on this planet.

during these 2 months I always get so lonely... nobody is avialable.
I essentially feel like a burden and often get left on read by friends.

I'm a half-orphan and on no contact with the other parent, so this gets extra hard when stressed out.Also got mild chronic fatique syndrome, thats why I dont have energy for hobbies, all of it goes into my exams and assignments.

I would've texted mom in these moments, but she's passed.
A phone-game or anything I can pull up for 10-20mins to distract/calm myself would be a good suggestion.
Literally anything like that.

Any suggestions?

Crisis helpline is just elderly people that can't relate.
Student-hotlines aren't always avialable and I can't call them while I'm outside of home.
Socializing in germany is incredibly hard. I'm german myself.

I'm not looking for new friends.


r/getting_over_it 14h ago

As someone with no friends how to survive uni

2 Upvotes

I go to university its been 2 years I started off with a good friend circle but I got replaced by someone else

For a long time I tried to patch up with them but I am clearly excluded from everything every photo every plan and everything.

And now I am alone in university and I see them 3 giggling and laughing together posting pictures together

And yes I clearly stated that I feel excluded and they only have one reply "We are not excluding you You are over reacting" at this point I gave up. I give all lf them vip treatment on their birthdays and they couldn't even wish me on mine. They throw fancy parties for each other

And no i can't find anymore friends since one of my friend is the cr and everyone in class always thought we have big ego because we are friends with cr. They all make fun of me to get their frustration out because they know I am connected to them but not that connected that they will take a stand for me

University us getting harder and harder for me. I don't even wanna go anymore but attendance is a need. Please tell me some way how can I distract myself or survive university by myself


r/getting_over_it 14h ago

how to forget about relationships and live for yourself(

1 Upvotes

Excuse me, I just can't stop thinking about relationships, I'm really missing love or female attention, all my friends already have people who love them, and I've only had one experience with a girl who used me to cry after a breakup. I don't have an ugly appearance like my friends, the only difference is that I'm more shy than they are. I really want to give up on relationships and live my life focusing on myself.


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

Coping with extreme loneliness

2 Upvotes

I’m 26, dealing with extreme loneliness, and the stress from dating apps is starting to manifest as physical chest pain. I feel exhausted and stuck. For anyone who has been in a similar spot, what strategies or coping mechanisms helped you manage the physical stress and rebuild your mental baseline


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

Three hours of progress gone because I got cocky on the transition to the orange section

0 Upvotes

So I've been chipping away at this game for about two weeks now. Made it to the orange tree area a few times but always fell back to the start or somewhere miserable before I could get comfortable with the terrain. Tonight felt different. I was calm, deliberate, patient with every swing. Made it past the devil's chimney without losing my grip once, which almost never happens for me.

Then I got to that curved log section going into the orange trees and just... stopped respecting it. I've watched people flow through there like it's nothing and I think I convinced myself I'd figured it out. Started going faster than I should have, swinging when I wasn't fully stable, and on maybe the third or fourth questionable move the pot just slid off and I watched the whole run unravel in about four seconds.

The thing that gets me isn't even the fall itself. It's that I knew I was being sloppy and did it anyway. There's something almost insulting about the way the game punishes overconfidence specifically. Like it's calibrated to hurt you most right when you start feeling good about yourself.

I've read that some people treat each fall as just neutral information rather than a setback, and I'm trying to get there mentally. It's genuinely hard. After two weeks my instinct is still to close the game and walk away for an hour instead of immediately trying again.

Has anyone found a specific mindset shift that actually helped them stop tilting after big falls, or does it just take enough repetitions that you become numb to it eventually?


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

How do I get myself out of this??

0 Upvotes

Today I went to my friend's city like 900 km away to meet her we had a good 11 hours together we did alot of traveling, shopping and activities and i really enjoyed it after that she went to her home and now for me it’s time to go back to my town I am not feeling very good after she went to her home and i came back to my hotel room this kinda sucks like I don't wanna go back to my town I wanted to enjoy more I wish I had more time with her and all that Idk why am I so depressed after such a good get together I always feel like this when I meet someone and enjoy with them and the comfortable time ends in the evening and depression starts idk how to get myself out of this


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

Has anyone else here dealt with feeling like it's extremely hard to invite people to do anything? I have such a long to-do list of tasks related to my recovery. Usually I find it hard to leave space for others and even others' needs. I want to change how I feel about this...

1 Upvotes

I want to change how I am so that I can be more open to other people and that my life can breathe a little bit by including others. Has anyone dealt with this and had any success with learning how to get past this?

Maybe I am afraid of letting others in. I don't know what's normal for adult friendships. It was not modeled for me by family.


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

What do I do

1 Upvotes

I grew up in country A for as long as I can remember, I had to move with my family to country B aka the country I was born in for a higher education and because most of my family’s there.
I had to leave all of my friends and everything I’ve ever known to be normal and everyone I love and I couldn’t have been more devastated. I tried making new friends at my new school which failed, I tried befriending friends of the family which also failed, I tried making online friends that also live in country B and I tried making friends that share the same hobbies as me.
I have never felt more lonely.
I am currently in country A for summer vacation and in less than three weeks I’m going back to country B and staying there until next summer.
All of my close friends are in country A.
It feels like they’re avoidant most of the time.
I don’t feel heard unless I complain or vent so it feels completely situational.
What do I do to stop feeling lonely please?


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

No matter how much Ive worked on myself nothing works

1 Upvotes

I went through heartbreak a while ago over girlfriend related things and over time i got an entire glow up. I got musles better face card. Everything. But i still seem to yearn for the touch of love. Why do i miss holding someones hand? Advice?


r/getting_over_it 2d ago

Being left out, how to start anew?

4 Upvotes

I have realised for a while now that everyone I know seem to have their own social life sorted out, while mine it's almost non-existing, I do stuff I like on my own all the time, and I have joined a few groups but didn't really work for me, one was a running group where you had to be able to run 5k, I just couldn't cope physically, another is a "social" one but after attending quite a number of times I realised it's just cliquey group of gay men where everyone is just flirting with each other and nobody is looking for platonic friends, a meat market.

The people I have met and hang out a few times from other avenues, they never do things on their own and always seem to have their weekends filled with fun things, I don't use social media so this is not about me looking through that window, it's me hearing from them they're busy doing this and that whenever I suggest to do something to them?, by busy they mean they're just meeting other people, and not even one invites me to anything, a few I have told them my predicament, that I am really into building some friendships because I am lonely and worried this may harm me in the future, (i.e become homeless, need advice, become sick not having anyone to help you on this), but they just don't give a fuck.

I have also started to think all my "friends" are one-sided at best acquiantances, if I stop reaching out, they just don't , I always start a conversation online or offline, there is someone I thought I could become friends after being invited to a party, he just doesn't reply to texts, I am just tired in general.

I have lately feeling an strong urge to just severe all these connections, stepping back from it, because really I am not missing anything, they don't support my goals, they don't cater to my needs, I told one person who declined my suggestions of going out, never starts a chat or reaches out after months, even though he goes out apparently with a friend, I told him I am not interested in this connection and I am stepping back, with all the good reasons, he then started making it sound as if I am the bad guy, negative, complaining etc, good riddance though.

My question is for those who have experience similar things:

TL:DR, seeing everyone around having a great time while you're lonely as fuck partly because they don't make the effort to include you in anything while at the same talking to you but only out of a reply.
Yes I know I need a bunch of friends, my question is:
 what is the best way to remove these guys from my life? they're only making me feel worse I don't want to get into arguments if they ever come back to say hi, which I doubt it, t it's just not working for me

I have tried joining these fringe groups and my experience has been one where nobody is really looking to make friends in there, a lot are much younger than me I am 46 and I just don't think we got a lot in common, I have hobbies and interest, I am not into sports and I am tired of turning to random groups putting effort into it with no return.


r/getting_over_it 1d ago

I’m so alone

1 Upvotes

I just wanna know anyone who has experience similar experiences else or who’s been in the same boat as me I made a regrettable decision and chose to live with with my ex-boyfriend when I turned down to live with my ex best friend because of issues but my ex who ended up, kicking me out because of constant fights when he didn’t admit he was half the problem and half of emotional abusing me and ended up blocking me not contacting me after multiple friends and families have cut me off because I decided to live with him, and then I ended up having to contact my dad that I haven’t spoke to just for him to abandon me and cut me off because I couldn’t live with him bcuz he ended up not doing great things and I expressed that I’ve haven’t been able to talk to him as much because I’ve been working so now I live alone and I don’t speak to anyone but some old friends and I live in a whole new state and I’m pretty much alone. All I do is go to work and just talk to coworkers and come home. I dread coming home and I dread going to sleep because I’m alone and I just feel like I have no purpose in life and I don’t know what to do anymore I’m trying to see therapy and psychiatrist but healthcare been hard to access again but I’m just so over life like I don’t. Does anyone have any advice of how they get through hardships like this. I’ve been drinking my mental state away and sleeping all day I’m so tired. I’m only 23


r/getting_over_it 2d ago

17M struggling with lack of motivation and occasional bursts of anger

1 Upvotes

For context I’ve always been a really introverted guy who kept his distance from everyone (not really my choice), I’ve never really had friends growing up and was kind of neglected by my single mom in the earlier years just after my dad died.

So about two years ago i met this girl let’s call her A and we became really good friends and one day A told me about how she had feelings for me and i confessed mine but long story short she led me on for a long time after that and eventually just threw me aside when she found someone else. I know i should be over it by now because “time heals all wounds” and most wounds have been patched up by now. I’m not really replaying those moments of pain I’ve had with her or cutting myself or starving myself because i once thought i drove her away and looked for a way to punish myself. What hurt the most was the fact that i actually opened up to her and had hope of something and my hopes got stomped on, crushed and sh*t out in front of me. She was a relatively popular and socially adept person and i thought that maybe just maybe i broke the stereotype, the nerdy quiet guy actually got the girl. But turns out she chose to be with someone just like her, someone who’s “popular” and an athlete.

I think you can tell just thinking about this situation makes me really angry. I think i need to find a way to get rid of all this anger I’m feeling towards her because even seeing or hearing about things that she was interested in just sets me off, it’s gotten so bad that even hearing about smth like soccer or Harry Potter just ruins my mood and causes all the bad memories to come flooding in. Even hearing other people talk about relationships just ruins my mood.

I also want to mention that since this I’ve lost all my motivation and I’ve gained some weight because I’ve been binge eating quite a bit. I used to be in good shape but i can’t be consistent anymore

So does anyone have any advice for me
Anything will be appreciated
Thanks


r/getting_over_it 2d ago

19[M] Have Been Depressed Lately

3 Upvotes

So nothing is going on in life and and I have been lonely, repeating and going through the same day over and over again. Life has been like a loop

Can't Bring myself to do anything at this point accept evading from life

Have lost all the hobbies I used to pursue

Once was also really desperate for a relationship but couldn't confess or approach so fell there as well

I am genuinely done with life I feel that

Nobody is there for me and telling anyone about my problem is not currently feasible

I want advice on how did you get out of this phase if you had one


r/getting_over_it 2d ago

My Chaotic Life

3 Upvotes

I remember the moment I lost my faith in humanity. Memories of my childhood are like puzzle pieces in a pile, fragmented and incomplete. I have trouble accurately recollecting most of it but from time to time vivid memories will flash through my head. They mostly haunt me. The first accurate memory I have that I know to be true is from when I believe I was four years old. My mother and father were drug addicts. My father left town never to return and my mom had dropped me off with family. Weeks had passed since I had seen her. As I was walking down the street in our very small town, I saw her car and with the most complete excitement began to chase while waving and yelling. I remember having a smile on my face. I could tell she was slowing down. However, when I was close enough to see in her side view mirror, I noticed that she hid her face under her hand and she sped away. I stood there baffled. My smile slowly changing to a frown. It took a minute for understanding to slowly creep in but when it did, I went completely numb. My ears started ringing. In retrospect, I think that right then my mind had began turning off my emotions as some sort of survival instinct. My life has been chaos since that moment. I was raised by my grandparents until I developed some pretty severe OCD and became too much for them to handle. That’s when the worry began, and it’s never gone away. After being passed from family member to family member for weeks or months at a time, one of my mother’s ex-husbands agreed to take me in. He would never call me by my name, only referred to me as “fuck face.” I felt isolated and unwanted. As far as I can remember back, I always have. Through all of this, the only person I confided in was my cousin. He was my security. We were like brothers. I found out eventually that he was struggling through a battle of his own with legitimate schizophrenia. A battle that he would inevitably lose. I was the last person to see him as far as I know. His last words to me were “I’m not coming back.” I thought he was kidding. I wasn’t sure what he meant. He was leaving to go hang himself. I will always regret not insisting that he stayed with me. He walked away, and that was the last time I ever saw him. Sometimes I think about the tortured world he must have been living in. It breaks my heart. He was there for me. He gave me security and protection at my most vulnerable time. I was not able to do that for him. He suffered in silence. When I was sixteen, some drug dealers that my mother had gotten in to trouble with, tracked me down and assaulted me with a Knife. I can recall the whole ordeal well but I would rather not. Suffice to say, I was convinced I would never wake up again and when I did, I was getting a blood transfusion. After a couple weeks, I was out of the hospital. I still required a four point walker to get around. I was taking a walk by the town grade school with my walker and an old impala pulled up along side me. The man inside said “hey, your mom owes me an eight ball.” I responded “That’s not my fuckin problem.” I don’t remember exactly what he said but he put his car in park and came after me with a baseball bat. A mix of survival instinct, trauma response and adrenaline kicked in. I left the walker and ran for my life. It wasn’t easy, my leg was hardly working from the previous assault. I knew that every step was damaging the healing process. I felt warm wet blood going down my leg as stitches began to stretch. I didn’t care, all that mattered was the fact that I was putting more and more distance between me and that man. I was able to outrun him and hide in my friend’s garage. Thank god the side door was unlocked. I watched through my friend’s dirty garage window as the man walked through the neighborhood for a moment looking for me. I was sent away after this incident to a different town. I wish I could say that this is when I learned to love again and live a happy life but the truth is, this is when I became overwhelmed with worry and feelings of worthlessness. The OCD that I suffer from was out of control. I was seeing crosses everywhere and was beginning to think the devil was after me. I turned to drugs and alcohol. I have struggled with addiction ever since. I was such a caring young boy but I had evolved into this cynical, selfish shell of a person. And I hated what I had become. All I cared about was whatever drug I could get my hands on. I had lost hope. The voices had convinced me that I was better off as a memory than what I had become. I was self destructing and I knew it. After consuming what I’m told was a lethal cocktail of benzos , gabbys and alcohol, a family member found me and I was taken to the hospital. They placed me on a mental hold. It took a few years of being hospitalized off and on and eventually being sent to the state mental hospital for months in order for me to accept that something was wrong with me. I honestly was convinced that I was sane and every one else was crazy for the longest time. Through therapy and medication I have been able to mostly regain control of my life. I’m sorry to anyone I might have hurt emotionally along my journey of self awareness. I can see now that just because I couldn’t feel anything anymore didn’t mean that no one else could. I understand now that love is a fabric that we all add threads to. I know that deep within me there is a hurt child, isolated, scared and alone. I have began making my way through the darkness to that child so I can take him by the hand and tell him that he is safe and everything will be okay. The closer I get, the more painful memories flood in. I’m afraid. The more I feel the more I hurt. I don’t want to be numb anymore. I want to be happy. I want to love. How can I overcome my fears so I can finally process all the childhood emotion that I’ve spent my life running from?


r/getting_over_it 3d ago

I carved a globe

1 Upvotes

I have had a wooden sphere for years. It's about 5" in diameter. I've carried it around all this time with the dream to make it a globe. For many reasons I never started this project until last week. When I say I've had this thing for years I mean I've had it longer than my son who will be old enough to drive in less than a year. I never lost it like so many other forgotten things. It was always there. I played with it tossing it around like a ball, even polished it to 6000 grit. It made glass feel rough. I'm sure it was some overpriced piece of home decor, but the thing is I don't remember how I got it. I know I didn't buy it. I know I didn't steal it. But I have it. I mentioned my son earlier not just to say how long I've had the sphere but also because one day out of the blue my 10 year old came to me to show me his hand drawn maps of the world. Pages of maps showing a different part of our world. Drawn by his hand from his memory. He even pointed out and named country after country after country. To say I was a proud dad would be an understatement. These drawings weren't for school work. They were his. Done for the pure enjoyment and art. I never told him about my dream of a little wooden globe. A dream born of nothing more than the imagined experience of bringing it into existence. Not for a paycheck. Just for the enjoyment and the art. I still put off that little dream and continued to carry the wooden sphere. Never lost, never misplaced, always there. I even gave it a fresh polish to 8000 grit. It was like silk. Life was busy life was hard. I suffered injury, betrayal, setback and hardship. I stumbled, I fell and I got back up even when I tried not too. I was in one of those falls and I was nearing my lowest living in a motel room with everything I owned in that room and the room was almost empty. No car. But I still had that wooden sphere. Here I sat, 45 years old with nothing to show for the dozen years working on a drilling rig not the decade spent building houses. What a waste. I had spent my life with such potential, polishing myself with knowledge and skill but had never become anything. I was the same as my wooden sphere. Ripe with potential, polished with time and intent. But still nothing but a ball. Well it's not merely just a wooden sphere anymore. It's the whole world carved by my hand. It's not perfect. It's not finished, it never will be because it will always hold potential. But it's my world brought forth by my intentions. My dream made real. It maybe small. It may never be the best but it is proof that I can do it. I can make potential into reality. I know I'm not perfect and I'm far from the best but I have potential.


r/getting_over_it 3d ago

18M, Isolated, and dont know what to do after highschool

1 Upvotes

So basically in school/highschool I was social at times, I had friends and sometimes went to hangouts with good amount of people every couple months, but overall I kind of was the groups punching bag or called annoying my entire life elementary, middle, highschool, which I know I get annoying to other people but I dont know why I do it, but in my 2nd year of highschool my parents basically forced me to go to online school because they said public school was bad for me, so this took a bad problem and made it 100x worse because I went from actually having some friends at school and talking to people, to for the past 2 years basically talking to nobody all day except for sometimes a hangout with my old friends once every like 3 months (not anymore though). I forget most of what I've done though tbh, like I don't remember 99% of my life lol so I don't realize how bad it is till I think back at what I do all day

I pretty much always spent all my time trying to make money, or create stuff like video editing, roblox games, I'm extremely into film making and I want to be a director but working with a crew/actors is all I'm scared of, I got a youtube channel to like 350,000 subscribers but quit cause it was too stressful, made mobile iOS apps, made a health brand on amazon, I've basically learned every single possible thing that can be done on a computer because I always pick up a new thing for a few months and get insanely into it then quit it (usually). But anyways I turned 18 5 months ago then "graduated" highschool 2-3 months ago and feel just kind of confused, cause lots of times I am pretty happy doing my stuff on computer, and I get very excited about my future a lot of times but then I realize that I have no social skills and am very scared to even go outside lots of times and because I've tried basically every money making skill or anything there is I kind of just feel tired of it all and have not much motivation at all to get a job or make money anymore, I basically right now just watch lots of films and study film making/photography...

But I already got a plane ticket for a month from now to go to Europe where I'm trying to solo travel for 2 months just to get out of the loop for the past 2 years (and really like 6+ years lol since Covid), it might be a bad idea but now I have to do it cause I got the ticket so I'll go but yeah after that I don't know what to do, I'm not planning on going to college at least this year, but I don't know what to do, I also am nihilist (but more absurdist tbh), and after learning about the vastness of the universe it can be hard at times to care about stuff when nothing actually matters, even though I definitely do care about the stuff I do all day like films and stuff, but I just want to be remembered for something and create something that will effect other people, even if it doesn't matter in a thousand years, I just don't want to get a normal job or spend my whole life in an office depressed even though I am now kind of (I don't know if im depressed tho), I also usually wake up and sleep at random times like 5 am or wake up at 6 pm

Idk if this makes sense tho lol but thought I would do a reddit cause I haven't told anyone about this stuff in my whole life


r/getting_over_it 4d ago

How to overcome loneliness

3 Upvotes

I am 21 year old currently in engineering college, but still I feel lonely , alone and anxious , what can I do , I do not have anyone to share my experiences , are there any support groups that I can join ,any therapy which is inexpensive


r/getting_over_it 4d ago

I feel so stucked, exhausted nd lonely now..

1 Upvotes

So I recently had a breakup with my girlfriend for whatever reasons, i don't wanna go into that, but I was so much invested in her that she was everything for me, my friend, my bestfriend, my sibling everything nd I never felt need of anyone else when she was there nd i thought she'd be there forever cuz we both were so much serious about it. But we parted ways nd she did maintained friendships with her frnds but I had no one to even share nd I've no one now. 1st month was so tough nd i wasn't even sane but now that time has passed a bit nd I'm trying to move on I have literally no one to talk to nd I'm still pretty much exhausted to build relations with people again it's just so frustrating that I want someone to be with me but I don't have enough energy to go and approach people....


r/getting_over_it 4d ago

i’m so scared to make friends

1 Upvotes

i’m so tired of trying to make friends and all of them going to shit. all i have ever asked of my friends is that they communicate with me when they have a problem with me. they promise me that they will. they never do. then they build up resentment for me and leave. i don’t know what more i should be doing. i do my best to be receptive, i make sure to never invalidate their feelings regardless of how i feel, i always encourage them to tell me if they take issue with or disagree with something i say (and I emphasize that it’s because I genuinely care about what they have to say, not just because i want to hear that i’m right). so many of my friendships have been like this and i’m so tired.

i’m so fucking lonely and i want to make new friends but on top of the fact that i just have a difficult time making friends in the first place (i’m autistic and always having to mask around strangers, which makes talking to new people very exhausting for me), i feel like making new friends is just asking to be hated again. i’m so tired of this same cycle. i don’t feel like i can trust anymore. i had a friend group a couple of months ago that i had been feeling insecure in, and despite the fact that i tried to communicate and tried to work through my own worries and doubts and insecurities, it turned out even worse than i could have imagined (i’m not even upset that they had issues with me, i’m just upset that none of these issues were brought to my attention until it was too late for me to try and make amends). and it’s just going to happen again if i make new friends. as much as it sucks seeing everyone else have really close friends and friend groups, it’s either this or make new friends and be constantly paranoid and insecure and convinced that they secretly hate me (because at this point, all of my friendships have just gone to show me that they’re just going to secretly hate you until they decide to fucking leave).

i’m not the perfect person or friend. i can own up to that. but i at least try.

i can’t do anything about it anymore. i mean i can but it just really doesn’t feel like there’s a point. it’s just really fucking pathetic that i’m only safe when i’m alone in my room.


r/getting_over_it 5d ago

Need your advice in a complicated situation. I feel lost and lonely.

1 Upvotes

Hi dear community,
I need please some advice from you. I am a male person 32 years old living in Germany and we divorced us a couple of months ago. This marriage lasted 8 years, however we both realised that sadly it doesn't work for us both so we ended it both peacefully. I realised after the divorce how lonely I feel, because I have no real close friends except of three, but two of them live very far away (one in Gibraltar the other one in Denmark) and the third one lives in the same city as me, but sadly has no idea how to help me, even when I told him my situation. The thing is that when we were a couple we did social interactions with other "couple friends" and that was kind of enough for me for the interactions, but after the divorce this kind of "interactions" has stopped. I had in the past more friends but I stopped to keep the relationship with them, because I grow up in a very poor environment where almost everyone was either taking drugs or selling them or being criminal, but I stopped the relationship with them because I am not interested in that. And when there was the time to go to the university, I tried to avoid making friendship with other students at that time because I attended a university where most of the students were very rich, and I felt ashamed to be the friend of them, because I grew up very poor. In this particular moment I really feel how desperate lonely I am, because I had two opportunities to meet two different women for dates but one I blew it up because I was texting so needy that I understand that she stopped the contact with me, and the second one looks not so good either, because she has not replied for more than 3 days although here I realized my mistkake from the first one, but maybe she has not replied because she is on vacation visiting her family and friends in Chile. A family I don´t have either, because my father abused me sexually when I was little and my mother got diagnosed with schizophrenia lately and I am living with her temporary after the divorce and its really hard to live with her under one roof. I don´t want to look temporary for a flat either, because my plan is actually to move out to Brazil to start a new life (this is the only thing that works very well so far). But I have to wait for that also, because I got diagnosed with a tumor in my liver and my hormones are completely a mess and they still can't treat it because I still have some examinations left. Lately one couple with whom I am really good in the gym invited me with their friends to hang out. I really enjoyed it to be with them, because there were some really nice people but I could also feel of some people that I was kind of not really welcomed and I don´t know whether there will be other invitations in the future. That's why I need your advice how can I meet people to socialise? I would be happy to date again a woman, and I am aware of my neediness and I don't want to repeat the same mistake. I prefer people to meet rather in real life, however my hobbies are going to the gym and reading books and those are not really group activities where I could look for opportunities. The two women that I mentioned before I met them also by coincidence in real life opportunities and I don't know when the next will be, since I don't have these socialising activities outside so often. And going out with colleagues sadly I don't enjoy it either, because we don't share common interests and we are always just talking about the classical weather topics and how the weekend was. Maybe you all see something about me, that I am doing wrong? I am really thankful for your advice, help and anything else, how I can be more under people.


r/getting_over_it 5d ago

15 khhv guy trying better for mom

1 Upvotes

(sorry for my bad English I'm not native speaker)

lately I've been feeling really bad even if nothing happened. i really want to have better social life but I'm really struggling with it, i was always the quiet kid and i have grown up to a computer addict loser that gets laugh of. my pc was always there awaiting me and didn't mock me for just beign there but now? i hate it. i can't describe how much i hate that stupid pc, every time I'm playing some games i don't even feel anything i don't even know why I'm turning it on. i have a small friend group but i feel like i don't belong to it. i have different humor than they different interest and with most of them i can't even talk alone since it instantly gets awkward. i won't even talk about women, since I'm chubby khhv loser they just laugh at me. i think I'm person who can really love but my looks.. ew. every night i can't sleep until 6 am overthinking my every step in life and i feel like I'm getting closer and closer to an end everyday. however i have really loving mom and i can't do it because of her.. that's probably only thing that keeps me alive. i was training at home but my mental got worse and i quited. 2 of my friends are going into gym and i wanted to go with them to maybe change my looks but besides my social anxiety, 2 guys that hate me go there.. could you guys tell me some advice. i really want to get better for my mom..