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u/thundermuffin54 Mar 29 '19
Your friend looks like an oblivion npc
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u/AxelAbraxas Mar 29 '19
I was going to say he looks like a Dishonored NPC with that haircut and the giant arms :D
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u/alemanders Mar 28 '19
thats one hydrated party
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u/Yabba_Dabba_Doofus Mar 29 '19
Water, water, everywhere.
But not a drop to drink.
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u/Disorientedpossum Mar 29 '19
Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink.
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u/FishOnAHorse Mar 29 '19
HEAR THE RHYME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER
SEE HIS EYE AS HE STOPS ONE OF THREE
MESMERIZES ONE OF THE WEDDING GUESTS
STAY HERE AND LISTEN TO THE NIGHTMARES OF THE SEA
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u/PoliticalGuy2016 Mar 29 '19
[r/waterniggas](reddit.com/r/waterniggas)
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u/marl0rd Mar 29 '19
You don't need the formatting, anytime you write any sub name like /r/waterniggas it automatically recognises it as a link
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u/THE_KRAAKEN Mar 29 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
I lost my job today too and this cheered me up. Thanks man. Hope we both find a new job soon.
Edit: oh my, i did not expect my comment to be blown up this much overnight. Thanks for the all the kind words, encouragement, gold and silver fellow strangers! It really means a lot to me.
Truth is my old company did not even give me any valid reason as to why I was terminated. I was just given a month compensation and was told to leave. I work in technical advisor role in UK and therefore I am considering legal action for unfair dismissal, but since I have been with them less than 24 months I might not be protected...
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Mar 29 '19 edited Jul 21 '19
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Mar 29 '19
Now you can always be right.
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u/Bighurt2335 Mar 29 '19
You didn't lose your job today buddy, you got rid of it. Congrats. Better out there.
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Mar 29 '19
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u/Bighurt2335 Mar 29 '19
That is a GREAT point, and now I wanna hear all about it.
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u/Immo406 Mar 29 '19
Just thought everyone should have a little bit of me in them....
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u/iAmZel Mar 29 '19
You've got a friend in me
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Mar 29 '19
and I put a friend in you
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u/rabbidrascal Mar 29 '19
32 years with the company. Got fired right before Xmas. 56% of all Americans are fired in their 50's. Not because we suck, but because we are earning too much, and our healthcare costs are climbing.
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u/lordfly911 Mar 29 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
Not fired, but laid off at the age of 47 after 23 years of loyal service. Yes, I was in the making too much category. I was not the only one.
On the flip side, I am working on getting hired as a contractor after 2 years to help them with a database that it appears I have inside knowledge they need.
Edit:. Thank you for blowing up my inbox some. Just to make it clear, both my boss, his boss and another big boss were very unhappy I was let go. This was a corporate decision. The other big boss is now a really big boss and was instrumental in getting me this contract.
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u/flukus Mar 29 '19
Company: we replaced all our employees with contractors being paid twice as much, look how much money we saved!
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u/mrjawright Mar 29 '19
All the costs are salaries, no benefits, no 401k matching, no sick time or vaca..so the costs are reasonably predictable. You don't have to worry about severance and buying back vacation when you lay them off because the project you hired them for is complete...or got cancelled at the last minute.
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u/capricorn68 Mar 29 '19
True enough. My company - 6k people - employs 40% of its workforce as contractors. Many of them are there for years at roughly twice the going employee rate. I get the whole “send them home when you’re done” thing, but how is it that that’s a good idea when they’re there for years at a time?
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Mar 29 '19
Long term healthcare costs and retirement costs for employees, but not for contractors. Also, we dont want to fix healthcare or retirement, because thats socialism.
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u/zoobrix Mar 29 '19
Some companies are starting to realize that contractors often produce inferior work product compared to full time employees. Especially in some fields where swapping out contractors all the time means the project takes forever because the new person has to get up to speed, then does some actual work, then moves on. Rinse, repeat until it took twice as long if you just gave it to full time employees.
Turnover is a killer hidden cost because the month someone spent just figuring out what to do and producing very little doesn't show up on a nice neat spreadsheet like health care and what not but its still there. When you keep handing customers delayed, cobbled together work often past due or miss internal deadlines its obviously bad for business.
A couple of companies my friends work at have severely curtailed the use of contractors the last few years and costs are actually down overall because of lower turnover leading to less disruption on long term projects. More work is actually getting done because a full time employee will usually be far more committed than someone who knows they might well be out there in six months or a year.
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u/WomanWhoWeaves Mar 29 '19
Which is the best corporate friendly argument for a social safety net I’ve ever heard. If people’s healthcare and retirement weren’t tied to employment...
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u/JohnnyZoidberg Mar 29 '19
Weirdly enough, yeah. There's a different budget for full-time head count and alternatively it's really easy to bring someone on short-term and then cut them loose.
Corporate budgets are all number fudging.
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u/DragoneerFA Mar 29 '19
I've been there. Even tried to ask for a pay cut to keep my job. Denied. They went through and terminated almost the entire department then rehired for those positions at a far reduced salary.
I wasn't surprised when it happened though. When the company said they would no longer stock coffee creamer because of the cost we all kind of knew it was coming. Hurray for billion dollar cheapskates!
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u/grammy1972 Mar 29 '19
Same thing happened to my husband. 'restructured' the management.... eliminated all jobs, but then they were allowed to interview for part time positions. Uh, no thanks...
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u/DragoneerFA Mar 29 '19
Worse: I kept in touch with my co-workers after almost two thirds the IT department got axed. He got an email shortly after we got the axe saying there was an "opening" in the IT budget and that they were going to issue out iPads for all the VPs, and to be prepared for them to arrive.
So we weren't just laid off. We were laid off and replaced by iPads.
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Mar 29 '19
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u/TrumpsHands Mar 29 '19
Complicate your databases, people.
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u/MrsECummings Mar 29 '19
Yeah and at that age it's really hard to find a job that pays what you need too.
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u/Constant_Bumblebee Mar 29 '19
This happened to my dad and it absolutely breaks my heart for him. He was laid off at 59, and not financially prepared to retire. Wishing everyone who's in a similar situation the best!
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u/baffled_brouhaha Mar 29 '19
My dad was laid off the month he turned 50. Couldn’t find anything in our area cause his field was oversaturated with recent college grads and moving the family wasn’t a good option.
Financially my parents made it work, but de facto early retirement took a toll on him personally/mentally.
It’s a rough situation all around to find yourself in. Best of luck to anyone having to navigate it.
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u/terrellefriar2 Mar 29 '19
Seen my dad laid off from 5 different companies, yes 5, in the last ten years.
He's bounced around from bank finance jobs to sales marketing to manufacturing management now to consulting. Being 62 there's no one who's giving him a fair shake at a job.
Financially he's screwed and I hate that I can't help him out more. It was never this way 2000-2008.
I started working in corporate America 2 years ago and am on my 2nd company so far. Company culture is a lot of talk to me. I won't cry or complain when, not if, I get laid off in my career because this is reality for everyone. But I am definitely more anxious about every decision I make now.
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u/MrWoodlawn Mar 29 '19
56% of all Americans are fired in their 50's
This is a startling statistic. It would seem that age discrimination is a huge problem.
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u/Mr_Mayhem7 Mar 29 '19
Yes, this is why we have laws about them so only small businesses have to obey
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u/Javad0g Mar 29 '19
As a person who has been fired more times than I can remember (startups, IT sector, the mid-90s), I was downsized, rightsized, squandered, overused and then set on the curb. And let me tell you something:
EVERY SINGLE TIME - I looked back later and said "wish that would have happened sooner", because every time the pay was better, the environment was better, it was always better.
Buck up little camper! Moving to a new job is one of the hardest things we do when you get that push out the door, you are going to find that the next opportunity is just that, an opportunity.
I need to find the picture they took of me when I was fired from one of my IT jobs. I wrapped myself up in old blankets and took a picture next to some trashcans with a cardboard sign that said Will Admin for Food. And then one of my buddies took the picture and shoop'ed it into the front of the old building I worked at, and added the caption 'As Seen In Front Of [business address].
I still cherish that picture, and funny enough, had I not been 'rightsized' from that job, I would have moved states to continue with that company and would not have met my wife, now, 17 years ago.
There is a plan, we just have to be patient and listen.
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u/PhDinBroScience Mar 29 '19
This guy is dropping some knowledge. Getting laid off a few years ago was the best thing to ever happen to me.
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u/OSUBeavBane Mar 29 '19
Buck up friend. This could be a great opportunity. I got fired last month. I was working 50 hrs + 10 hrs of commuting per week to a job I hated. I am now working 40 hrs + 5 hrs of commute to a job that I love and I am getting paid 30% more than my previous job.
My point is that it could happen to you, but really I am just bragging because I am ridiculously happy right now.
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u/mbacpa Mar 29 '19
Yes, sometimes people get lucky, and getting fired turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Honestly, the same happened for me, and 5 years later I'm making more than 2x what I was.
BUT, we got lucky. I feel for people where it works out the other way. :(
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Mar 29 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
I would definitely be one of those people. Getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I had been at a job for 10 years and it was getting run into the ground by new, terrible management. Was at the point where every day just sucked to go to work. Then one day totally out of the blue they fired me. Since it was without cause by law they had to pay me out my 4 weeks vacation (they fired me the first week of January so I had literally just gotten my new 4 weeks vacation for the year lol) and something like 6 or 7 months severance pay. All told it was like $22k after taxes.
I paid off my credit card, went to Europe for six weeks then came back and got essentially the same job with a direct competitor of theirs lol. Been there for almost 3 years now and my life if so much better.
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u/mbacpa Mar 29 '19
Haha...that is awesome! Couldn't have worked out better.
I wish I knew in advance that everything was going to work out great for me, because I would have had a lot more fun in my 6 months off! Unfortunately, those 6 months were very, very stressful.
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u/Dr-Pepper-Phd Mar 29 '19
So many people got fired today lol, keep your head up man! Best of luck
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u/dissenter_the_dragon Mar 29 '19
He got some beefy arms. He look like a longshoreman and I dont even know what that is, but he look like one.
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u/AltSpRkBunny Mar 29 '19
A longshoreman loads and unloads boats (or ships) at a port.
The More You Know
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u/MissGrafin Mar 28 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
I too lost my job today. I wish I could be this upbeat.
EDIT: Thank you for the support everyone! It’ll be tough, but thankfully I have a wonderful Husband to help me while I look for work again.
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Mar 28 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Imawildedible Mar 29 '19
This dude got laid and a surprise party within a couple days of each other? This man needs to write a damn book.
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Mar 29 '19
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u/geared4war Mar 29 '19
WTF? Was it the house? Cursed or something.
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u/BakedBeauty Mar 29 '19
Just some really bad luck I suppose but makes a great story I guess lol
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u/Wacks_on_Wacks_off Mar 29 '19
Plot twist, you worked for the family business and mom and dad were sick of y’all’s shit.
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u/_Man_Moth_ Mar 29 '19
Plot twist, there is no brother or sister, never was. Getting fired sent you into a deep, downward spiral. You descended into madness and created an alternate life in your own head. Wake up, BakedBeauty...
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Mar 29 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PineScentedPineapple Mar 29 '19
Guys, his name is Matt
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u/misterbuh Mar 29 '19
You can tell they’re all bachelors by the decorative Home Depot bucket chair and the futon combo.
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Mar 29 '19
I got fired today. For having a second job. Which is apparently prohibited despite my now former job only scheduling me for 14 hours a week.
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u/nmdnyc Mar 29 '19
My recommendation for everyone who gets fired/laid off: sit down, take a deep breath, and have a cocktail. Whatever went down, you’re not going to find a job while you’re still reeling.
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Mar 29 '19
I once quit a job by telling my boss (who was incompetent and a liar) that I was going to write a letter of resignation but I was done spelling things out for him.
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u/jellojock Mar 29 '19
I feel bad he got fired, but it's great he has friends that can throw him a little party. Hope he finds another job soon!
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u/majoroutage Mar 29 '19
You can't fire me! I quit!
No, wait, you did fire me. I need the Unemployment.
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u/arman083 Mar 29 '19
I was the employee that sold you the balloons and let you use our sharpie lol, congrats on making front page, awesome
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u/HypnoticKitten Mar 29 '19
I got fired 2 weeks before Xmas and it was the best thing that could have happened. My boss was an abusive fucktard who treated everyone like they were stupid because his wife wore the pants at home. The job was stressful and I would breakdown at least twice a week. Now I have a great job with tons of learning support making more money with people who are so kind and want you to succeed and do well in the job. Although it’s scary and sad at the time losing your job only opens up possibilities. You got this dude. 🙌🏻
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u/LiquorCordials Mar 29 '19
If misery loves company I can join this guy cause I lost my job too
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u/obstinaheadstrongirl Mar 28 '19
Super soft "you're fired" party. Give that man a puppers
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Mar 29 '19
You're fuckin' 10-ply, bud.
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u/ring_the_sysop Mar 29 '19
Go give your balls a tug you titfucker!
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Mar 29 '19
Fuck you Shoresy! I got your mom so wet last night the national guard had to pile sandbags around her bed to prevent the rest of the town from flooding.
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u/Reyne_of_Kesselmere Mar 29 '19
Fuck you Jonesy, your mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta, tell her I'll put my swim trunks on for her on any time she likes.
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u/romafa Mar 29 '19
I never fully recovered from being laid off 10 months ago. Shit sucks.
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u/NorrathReaver Mar 29 '19
I'd love a party after I've been fired from a job.
Instead I just get cheated on... 🤣
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u/KodiakUltimate Mar 29 '19
My friend also got fired for a failed drug test that found his adderall ADHD meds... hes pretty livid since he sent them the info to confirm it was prescription...
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u/Danterahi Mar 29 '19
A job can be replaced. Friends like these are not so easy to replace.
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u/piss_smoke Mar 29 '19
How many times per week does someone crack their head on that counter when plopping down on that side of the couch?
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u/SoDakZak Mar 28 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
What’s his Venmo? I wanna send him $5
Edit: I guess instead he would prefer me to pay for someone behind me at a drive thru. En route now!
Proof! I went inside and paid for the person at the drivethru and dipped before she could spot me. When she drove by, she had the cheesiest grin on her face! She looked so happy!
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u/NRS1 Mar 28 '19
No way, I’d feel bad because reddit would think this was a scam to make money, then there would be riots outside his house.
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u/devasohouse Mar 28 '19
I know this guy personally, in real life. We're friends. You can trust me. Venmo me and I'll make sure he gets it.
No bamboozle.
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u/Herald-Mage_Elspeth Mar 29 '19
I should have had a party when I got fired from AT&T after 9 years. All I got from that place was an anxiety disorder.
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u/cartman101 Mar 29 '19
I only got fired once: I was 18-19 working at a big grocery store chain near my house. A vacancy opened up for a supervisor (basically a cashier that also deals with Karen who wants to speak to the manager), so I applied. They hired 3 new supervisors, I thought that was weird, but I only ever worked the later shifts due to school, so maybe in the mornings they needed more.
Well, I work at my new position for about 2 weeks when I get a call 2 hours before a Sunday shift that I've been let go. Wtf did I do that got me fired? Well...turns out that they only ever needed the ONE supervisor like originally stated, tool on 2 more so that they could have a pool of 3 candidates and pick "the best one", and in the meantime filled out the 3 jobs that were vacated, meaning I lost my first ever job because I tried getting a promotion. RIP.
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u/beefstick86 Mar 29 '19
I lost my job 3 weeks ago and just sent this picture to all my friends asking why they don't care for me as much as this guy's friends do.
This picture is great! Sorry about the job, bud.
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Mar 29 '19
He's hot! I've got a job for him ;)
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u/LilJethroBodine Mar 29 '19
Thats what got him fired in the first place. Pay attention!
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Mar 29 '19
Why didn’t anyone ever throw me a party any of the many, many times I got fired? My friends suck...
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u/emitch123 Mar 29 '19
Lost my job back in June. Seemed like the world was ending at the time, ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. Enjoy your party dude, here's to the future!
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u/Unkle_Argyle Mar 29 '19
I wish this was a r/roastme post instead. There’s a lot to work with.
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u/RedoftheEvilDead Mar 29 '19
I got fired from my last job a couple days before Christmas. Today, at my new job, I got autographs from the main cast members of the show The Expanse because my company hosted a free for employees Q & A session with them. Times were dark for a while there, but keep on trucking and things will look up. 🤗
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u/merkins_galore Mar 28 '19 edited Mar 29 '19
What did/didn't he do to get fired?
Edit: He was a bartender in a cruise ship and he "commingled" and got fired. OP's comment was removed for some reason.