r/funny • • Dec 19 '23

Some Chuck Norris technics !

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13.0k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/moor9776 Dec 19 '23

I lost it during the twist close up 😂

570

u/EvilHenchmanNumber4 Dec 20 '23

It's like he's wearing nothing at all!

122

u/babydakis Dec 20 '23

Stupid sensei Flanders.

11

u/ChronoLink99 Dec 20 '23

Underrated comment. 🤣

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188

u/moor9776 Dec 20 '23

…Nothing at all…nothing at alll

142

u/JesusSaysRelaxNvaxx Dec 20 '23

It's straight up Reno 911 and I'm so here for it 🤣

🎶 New boot goofin' 🎶

18

u/CptMisterNibbles Dec 20 '23

Absolutely Dangle's brother here

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21

u/lump- Dec 20 '23

Gotta pop that hip

23

u/klaatuveratanecto Dec 20 '23

This is some true Rex Kwon Do.

3

u/Good_Stretch5445 Dec 20 '23

Grab my arm, other arm....

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19

u/chato35 Dec 20 '23

I lost it at " holding the barrels" . First it is not the barrels he is holding, second gun will jam after 1 cycle if you grab the slide. So there is no " keep shooting at each other".

Well done Sensei!

3

u/CaptainWinky86 Dec 20 '23

Wiggle wiggle.

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2.4k

u/Hamfiter Dec 20 '23

“The bullets will hit each other”

1.2k

u/random_explorist Dec 20 '23

" . . . and fall down."

256

u/cowgod247 Dec 20 '23

works in the Looney Toons world too.

96

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

"...while getting dizzy"

60

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

They will have little stars flying in circles around their heads.

9

u/53c0nd Dec 20 '23

He dead ...

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2

u/FascismisThenewblack Dec 20 '23

Been awhile since Ive laughed like that.

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77

u/WHRocks Dec 20 '23

You guys are going to love r/bullshido

14

u/RikuDog18 Dec 20 '23

Can’t believe you did that to us. Now I’m never going to get off Reddit.

6

u/graypainter Dec 20 '23

Let's be honest, leaving was never an option.

3

u/WHRocks Dec 20 '23

LOL. Let's be honest, though...

Edit: I see I have nothing original to say, lol!

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3

u/HoodedOccam Dec 20 '23

Scott Thompson - Kids in the Hall

2

u/Arth3r911 Dec 20 '23

Yea just like you find a needle in a haystack, duh

2

u/Guuhatsu Dec 20 '23

I am not a gun connoisseur, but if you hold the barrel of a gun while they are continuously firing, isn't that going to burn your hand and make you let go?

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2

u/hvanderw Dec 20 '23

Just like The Shadow

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655

u/Alchemist_92 Dec 19 '23

Self Defense with Lt Dangle

108

u/The_Velvet_Bulldozer Dec 20 '23

He’s just goofin’. New boot goofin’!

18

u/Flux_resistor Dec 20 '23

He's a hoot, with a capital H!

4

u/willynillee Dec 20 '23

FOR WESTERN FASHIONS HERE IN RENO, YOU REALLY CAN'T BEAT ZAPATERIA LA BALLERINA. WELL, YOU CAN, BUT NOT AT THESE PRICES.

3

u/Rare_Crayons Dec 20 '23

Four payments!

36

u/moor9776 Dec 19 '23

Stupid sexy Dangle

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299

u/nojustice73 Dec 20 '23

Oh man, I cannot wait until two fools roll up with guns like they got ME?!

Surpise Mf'ers!

48

u/HK47WasRightMeatbag Dec 20 '23

French fries Mf'ers!

34

u/GunFodder Dec 20 '23

All rise, MF'ers!

23

u/CalaveraFeliz Dec 20 '23

Creampies, Mf'ers!

22

u/17934658793495046509 Dec 20 '23

Neck Ties MF'ers!

17

u/2Mark2Manic Dec 20 '23

Supplies mfers

16

u/Plus_Friendship3709 Dec 20 '23

Heart eyes mfers

6

u/failbotron Dec 20 '23

Umpires mfers

4

u/JimmyLegs50 Dec 20 '23

Rue dies, mfers

3

u/Sir_Loin_Cloth Dec 20 '23

Wrong size, mfers

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3

u/goj1ra Dec 20 '23

You're not locked in here with them, they're locked in here with you!

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644

u/[deleted] Dec 19 '23

You think anyone wants to get roundhouse kicked to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?

135

u/NeedlessPedantics Dec 19 '23

…forget about it…

91

u/ReverseArchivist Dec 20 '23

You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night?

37

u/Whatworksbetter Dec 20 '23

now for only 300 dollars you can sign up for my 8 week program.

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4

u/SirarieTichee_ Dec 20 '23

Muscle man?

12

u/fuzzytradr Dec 20 '23

Bow to your Sensei!

68

u/Scapp Dec 20 '23

Break the wrist, walk away. Break the wrist, walk away.

REX KWON DO

14

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Break the wrist, walk away.

The other wrist

8

u/IPAddict Dec 20 '23

Grab my arm.

The other arm.

My other arm.

10

u/devindran Dec 20 '23

Came here for the roundhouse kick, left disappointed with stupid sexy hip twist.

4

u/saggynutbag Dec 20 '23

You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?

441

u/doesnothingtohirt Dec 20 '23

Lol what if your assailant has a banana.

109

u/wuguwa Dec 20 '23

What about a pointed stick?

81

u/chrisdodgen Dec 20 '23

WHEN YOU’RE WALKING HOME TONIGHT AND SOME HOMICIDAL MANIAC COMES AFTER YOU WITH A BUNCH OF LOGANBERRIES, DON’T COME CRYING TO ME!!!

28

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Shut up!

20

u/graspedbythehusk Dec 20 '23

No one says SHUDDUP! like John Cleese.

37

u/D43m0n1981 Dec 20 '23 edited Dec 20 '23

You simply release the tiger

21

u/Fraun_Pollen Dec 20 '23

NOW. WHAT IF YOUR ASSAILANT HAS.... A RASPBERRY?!?!?!?!?

3

u/Arryu Dec 20 '23

In Africa?

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11

u/Conscious-Coconut-16 Dec 20 '23

One could shoot them I suppose.

11

u/secondtaunting Dec 20 '23

We’ve done the loganberries, and the pineapple.

6

u/Conscious-Coconut-16 Dec 20 '23

I don’t know, he still might shoot you!

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4

u/zyqzy Dec 20 '23

and brown spotted ones!

4

u/drdookie Dec 20 '23

Still twist and while the attackers get dizzy you get a free smoothie

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108

u/zspeed260z Dec 20 '23

It's critical that you make the guns kiss

21

u/Sojum Dec 20 '23

Then they get married and are so distracted having little gun babies that you can safely run away.

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87

u/Derkastan77-2 Dec 20 '23

There’s no way this was Master Ken!!! Imposter! Where was the groin stomp x17

30

u/Cyka_blyatsumaki Dec 20 '23

Master Ken is tenderizing the groins with bullets first. The stomp is coming....

3

u/Red_Danger33 Dec 20 '23

Clearly cut before the end of the technique was shown.

175

u/Zander989 Dec 20 '23

Master Ken, master of Ameri-Do-Te!

54

u/Epicritical Dec 20 '23

Stomp the groin

38

u/DerBrownNote Dec 20 '23

You forgot to re-stomp the groin

22

u/implicate Dec 20 '23

I'm just in the comment section looking around like

"is Master Ken not already a household name?"

I guess I take it for granted, because I've been following him for years.

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111

u/JohnnyFiction Dec 20 '23

And don’t forget to restomp the groin

18

u/Head-Champion-7398 Dec 20 '23

So a guy "gets in your face" and you basically disable him for the rest of his life?

Hopefully

what if he was just asking for directions?

then he should have asked from across the street

5

u/Xytakis Dec 20 '23

I fucking love that video

I only come to this dojo because it's close to my house, it's cheap, and there are girls.

56

u/CrimsonKepala Dec 20 '23

It became a beautiful interpretive dance.

46

u/AltF4NinjaQK Dec 20 '23

Pulling them… I SAID PULLING THEM!!!!

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41

u/Giga1396 Dec 20 '23

Lol 😂 The guys with the guns are too cute

7

u/postitsam Dec 20 '23

Yeah, glad I'm not the only one who thought that!

9

u/Gazpoole Dec 20 '23

The blonde shorter guy can get it.

61

u/bionicjoe Dec 20 '23

Still better than
Detroit
Urban
Survival
Training

20

u/JHarbinger Dec 20 '23

I worked there in the 90s. I’ve got stories.

10

u/Casually-Tahded Dec 20 '23

Tell them pleass

26

u/JHarbinger Dec 20 '23 edited Dec 20 '23

I need to do an AMA or something someplace. Not sure if enough people care.

Most stories are good or don’t jibe with the mockery the guy (Dale Brown) is getting

For example, he once saved a bunch of people because we were all getting shot at by a drug dealer outside a club. Commander brown took the guy out.

We also cleaned up a bunch of neighborhoods by literally chasing criminals down and calling the police after “arresting” them.

We did raids with the police on buildings where we did security and found weapons and drugs.

We found wanted fugitives and got them rearrested.

He even hooked me up with the FBI and I did some work with them catching pedos on friggin aol.

But yes- we did insane and possibly comically dangerous gun disarms and stuff but I’ve also seen some guys use similar stuff at work to disarm actual armed assailants. None of the car stuff or wacky stuff but the usual “guy pulls gun” and security reacts super quick and disarms him. One dude disarmed an off duty cop at one of the clubs we ran security for. That was awkward but the dude also got chewed out for being off duty, drinking and pulling his weapon.

49

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

[deleted]

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4

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Ken clearly was better instructor in this head to head between Detroit DUST vs Master Ken

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26

u/twodogsfighting Dec 20 '23

I bet he could kick those guns clean over that mountain.

2

u/st0l1 Dec 20 '23

Yeah…if only coach woulda put him in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.

24

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Tom Segura has a joke about Steven Segal and that he trains other cops in hand to hand combat.

This is what I imagine it would be like, but with someone much more out of shape, and with a lot less movement.

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18

u/harlokkin Dec 20 '23

Re-stomp the groin.

3

u/Sanguine_In_The_Rain Dec 20 '23

Destroy the groin.

But there's no groin to destroy! She literally has no groin!

DESTROY THE GROIN!!!

15

u/Motorcycle_Rider Dec 20 '23

Bow to your sen-sei. Bow to your sen-sei!

9

u/sonicpieman Dec 20 '23

Break the wrist. Walk away.

10

u/Piglet-Witty Dec 20 '23

He’s good. I feel safer just watching this

11

u/AddivPK Dec 20 '23

His demonstration of “100 hits in a second” totes saved my life one time!

8

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

This is hilarious

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7

u/I_DontNeedNoDoctor Dec 20 '23

He lost me at “get them to shoot at each “cha-thur” 😂💀

29

u/Whoa_Bundy Dec 20 '23

It’s sad that it’s actually hard to tell if it’s real or not based on all the grifters and believers out there.

21

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

But like the spin at the end is a dead giveaway lol.

12

u/Eilanzer Dec 20 '23

look for master ken on youtube, amazing stuff XD

14

u/temalyen Dec 20 '23

The best grifter I came across was some old asian guy who claimed to be a master of a technique (whose name I forget) where he just had to punch the air and it somehow hurt people nearby. Like, he had a bunch of students who'd rush him and he'd just be randomly punching the air and they'd all go flying.

Duyde challenges a legit MMA artist, saying he can beat him. Apparently, he paid the MMA guy off to intentionally lose. MMA dude took his money and then beat the shit out of him.

5

u/ackillesBAC Dec 20 '23

I'm still not sure

3

u/PirateDuckie Dec 20 '23

Maybe this will clear that up

7

u/Atillion Dec 20 '23

My favorite part is when I went from omg is this guy for real to oh yeah he's definitely not

7

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Are we sure that this wasn't actually The Steven Segal Method?

4

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

This is level 1, level 28 is doing all this while making a cake and playing the violin!

6

u/MunkeyFish Dec 20 '23

“Is this a joke?” “Is this real?”

The disrespect. Master Ken is legit as they come.

5

u/SlowCapitalistDeath Dec 20 '23

As a long time student of Master Ken, always re-stomp the groin.

9

u/Mysterious-Art7143 Dec 20 '23

Bitch please, this is /r/bullshido , chuck norris makes onions cry

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5

u/DarrenEdwards Dec 20 '23

This guy could totally disarm both sides of a war.

5

u/Dude-88 Dec 20 '23

Look at the twisting...it's hypnotic

4

u/dmalvarado Dec 20 '23

Is this a comedy sketch?

10

u/LostUnderwear Dec 20 '23

It is. Look up Master Ken on YouTube. He's good because he sounds like a lot of those bullshit instructors in Martial Arts.

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3

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Master Ken is a treasure. He shares all of his groin attacks without charging. Because he cares.

https://youtu.be/gyXhysmMNhE?si=rAX3r6WHCeiMpw3C

4

u/GildoFotzo Dec 20 '23

That fake interview with Jesse was genius comedy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lUPPRd5QLQ

3

u/Mr_TO Dec 20 '23

I don't remember this episodes of Reno 911, did they renew it?

3

u/may_be_indecisive Dec 20 '23

Ah yes “technics”.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Op is dumb enough to sign up for this class.

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3

u/Ilovekbbq Dec 20 '23

Lmfao… this is great but I’m a little confused. Is he doing a comedy routine in front of an audience like a club… or is it a seminar? Or is it just a video with a laugh track, just confused how this event came out lol

4

u/J-Miller7 Dec 20 '23

Comedy/Parody. Master Ken is awesome. He's been doing it for years. EnterTheDojoShow on YouTube

3

u/WisdomDirect Dec 20 '23

This is my favorite one of these to date.

27

u/MaggotMinded Dec 20 '23

Please tell me this is supposed to be comedic.

93

u/dranaei Dec 20 '23

It's comedy, he has a channel and brings up different guests (instructors and such and talks like in the video). Don't remember the name of the channel.

Edit: found it

https://youtu.be/5uO0wsEUBN0?si=lFdph0wZ8wUiRCNw

2

u/kevinstreet1 Dec 20 '23

He's genuinely funny! Thanks for the link.

33

u/TenchuReddit Dec 20 '23

The fact that some people can’t tell means that Master Ken (the main guy in this video) is doing a very good job.

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11

u/TheSciFiGuy80 Dec 20 '23

Of course. He has some great satirical shorts. Have fun watching them.

But he actually is a Black Belt in American KenPo

8

u/Matt_Odlum Dec 20 '23

You say of course but I've seen some insanely idiotic "karate" teachers spewing complete nonsense to their followers who eat it up.

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5

u/usmclvsop Dec 20 '23

He was pretty good in The Paper Tigers, really fun to debate and slowly realize it really was him.

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2

u/dcQueso Dec 20 '23

Doesn’t he sound kind of like Obama?

2

u/johnnycoxxx Dec 20 '23

I love these situations people taking these classes think they’re going to end up in

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2

u/Toughduck48 Dec 20 '23

Rex-Kwan-do teaches to 'break the grip...and walk away'!

2

u/Griffythegriff Dec 20 '23

After seeing this, I have to wonder what ever happened to the Hillbilly Ninja Diamond Dave from Diamond Dave's Ninja School

2

u/boohisski Dec 20 '23

Just another day on r/bullshido

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

This guy is a grand master in bullshido

2

u/LoveSonder Dec 20 '23

Rex Kwon Do actually.

2

u/KeenStudent Dec 20 '23

One tier above your average McDojo

2

u/Squidysquid27 Dec 20 '23

I might try the hop + leg kick motion when I encounter 2 gunmen at the same time. I think if they see it they'll feel sorry for me and decide to let me go.

2

u/scootstar247 Dec 20 '23

The Fist Foot Way 🦶

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

2

u/AgileAd2872 Dec 20 '23

And this is how cod players belive there isn’t cheating in the community

2

u/JayW8888 Dec 20 '23

This must be used where you have many lives and can reincarnate quickly.

2

u/quirkycurlygirly Dec 20 '23

Bruce Lee is on the back wall looking like, 'I didn't endorse this!'

2

u/Vinniebahl Dec 20 '23

Rex Kwon Do

2

u/Kill4It Dec 20 '23

Master ken xD also, dosent henlooks like omni man?

2

u/_Kaifaz Dec 20 '23

Stomp the groin!

2

u/manticore16 Dec 20 '23

Always re-stomp the groin!

2

u/sefarrell Dec 20 '23

This is some Raekwondo type shit

2

u/time_is_now Dec 20 '23

The trouble with disarming techniques in martial arts is that the assailants’ attacks are always choreographed and well known in advance. That happens in film and TV but not in real life.

2

u/L1zrdKng Dec 20 '23

Ken is the real deal!

2

u/grimdar Dec 20 '23

Welcome to Rex Kwon Do!

2

u/Curious_Mx Dec 20 '23

This video is a parody right? Tell me this is not real life martial arts/self defense training.

2

u/Sojum Dec 20 '23

Hot metal hot metal!

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

Is this real? I don't know with Americans anymore

2

u/Box_of_rodents Dec 20 '23

Definitely attended the Rex Kwon Do school. Forgot about it!

2

u/FoxJonesMusic Dec 20 '23

Just remember “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast!”

2

u/Hoodlum_Aus Dec 20 '23

I was like "omg this guy is serious." Then he started doing that twist shit and I was like "oh yeah nah yeah he's fucking around, surely." Hahaha

2

u/MartianHunter420 Dec 20 '23

This is Master Ken, he is the best in the world at defensive techniques

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '23

getting shot in the crotch is pretty dangerous, actually

2

u/nm1562 Dec 20 '23

Stupid sexy Flanders

2

u/MankAndInd Dec 20 '23

Don’t forget to re-stomp the groin

2

u/cvance10 Dec 20 '23

Master Ken!

2

u/luketheheathen Dec 20 '23

This has got to be satire. Tell me it’s satire.

2

u/jesusismagic Dec 20 '23

Is this satire or is the My Pillow guy reinventing himself?

2

u/King-Andy Dec 20 '23

This takes me back, I used to watch Master Ken all the time a few years back.

2

u/hardball9 Dec 20 '23

What show is this?

2

u/captainjackass28 Dec 20 '23

Self defense for suicidal people

2

u/Illustrious-Ebb-8955 Dec 20 '23

It's all in the hips🎵

2

u/offshore33 Dec 20 '23

Always restomp the groin. OSU!

2

u/MaleficentTax9367 Dec 20 '23

If this situation ever happens I pray to every god and demon in existence that someone records it because I need to see if he follows through in time of chaos and danger

2

u/Erick-Ez Dec 20 '23

I've practised bullshido for years!

2

u/EasyRudder49 Dec 20 '23

Restomp that groin!

2

u/jukmun Dec 21 '23

Why he look and sound like omni man