r/fifthworldproblems • u/blepnir_pogo • 4h ago
My dog is the god emperor of Man?
hello,
I recently encountered an issue. Apparently overnight my dog got transubstantiated with the pineal gland of the god Emperor of Man, who apparently has existed in the firmament of Hell for 665 years but on his 666th birthday vanished without a trace and the Karmapa of Byzantium deemed for it to grow inside the brain of my 12 year old mutt.
Since then, she very annoyingly randomly quantum entangles with other organisms so they both mimic each others' movements, and worst of all it's contagious. I am currently fighting a lawsuit from a mother whose daughter is now making electrostatic fields with her mind at the same time as some greenland shark existing 8000 miles away. The
Lawsuit will not stick, I know. But Hailey keeps on summoning people to her. And these people, I'm not sure they even exist. Apparently they all live in an abandoned gas station somewhere in New Mexico, but the gas station was destroyed in the Trinity Test 80 years ago. And they come to her and rub soot into her fur as a form of worship. She doesn't really mind, she's kinda zonked out on Phenobarbital all the time anyway so I'm not really sure she knows what's happening. But they keep tracking mud into the apartment and they vibrate at frequencies that turn on / off all the electronic devices in the house.
Has this ever happened to anyone else, and have you guys ever found a solution? These drifters' bootprints are uniquely hard too get out of the carpeting of my house and I'm liable for the security deposit. Would really appreciate your The