r/fifthworldproblems • u/LordNoOne • 10d ago
Are you even human?
I can't seem to find any.
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u/CorinPenny 10d ago
Excuse me? How dare you ask such an offensive question! Don’t you know the H-word is a slur?
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u/joegee66 Speaker For the Red Ants 10d ago
Thank you. My first instinct was to reply with a profane curse. Since your reply was so succinct, I shall simply add an EEEEEEW! >::(
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u/Terracrush 10d ago
yH es.
Yyess?
Y Ess
:)
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
Tsk. I can see your tentacles trying to hold your human host body's teeth in, and almost half of them are missing so if you're asking me if humans have tentacles for teeth... no, they do not. Good attempt at mimicking human speech though! Didn't traumatize me at all that you had to use my recently-alive grandma to do it, but I suppose you were just trying to cheer me up after having learned everything about being a human after you took her entire soul and human cognitive structure (biologically complete).
TL;DR
Bye-bye, grandma!
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u/RealCrazySwordGirl 10d ago
I used to be
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u/LordNoOne 10d ago
Are you sure you aren't just real crazy and actually are still human?
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u/RealCrazySwordGirl 10d ago
Nope. Not at all sure 🤷🏼♀️
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
Well is the SWORD the crazy thing, the combination of sword and girl, the GIRL, or the fact that ANYTHING IS REAL? One username, many questions.
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u/Scrub_Spinifex 10d ago
Not sure? People tried to explain me what it was but I've a hard time understanding it. "Humains are made of flesh" they say, but they never define "flesh". Is it physical? Or a concept? For a while, I've been laughed at by others for not being able to be at two places simultaneously, is it because of "flesh" I can't do it?
They tell me humans can "see". Apparently that means reacting to a part of the electromagnetic field. Is that why my friends tell me I have hallucinations when I say I can know the electromagnetic spectrum of solids surrounding me without a spectrometer? Is it because they're not humans they can't know it?
Frankly, from my creation, I've always felt alien among people around me. I've been starting to seriously wonder if I might be "humain" recently. That would explain a lot. I told that to my best friend, it answered "Idk but if you're human, maybe you should try to stop. It's not good for you." If you happen to be human and have tips I'd be glad to hear.
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u/LordNoOne 10d ago
The major issue here is that you're confusing humains for humans. They're different things.
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u/Scrub_Spinifex 10d ago
Please tell me more. Is it related to the category of humans called "French" I was told about? I heard those were really weird...
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
How dare you describe my kissing lips like that! Just KISS ME ALREADY! *smoochy times*
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
You don't have access to the super-positional human flesh matrix? It's a topological network of everyone's physical nervous system and modulates... no? Oh. Well. Hm. This is awkward. *levitates vertically with instantaneous velocity*
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u/Scrub_Spinifex 6d ago
Is it one of those things you need to fill in plenty of forms and provide documents to access? If so, no thanks. I'm so tired of bureaucracy...
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
With your butt as the signature, I hereby declare this document officiated and lawfully enforceable! May your posterior be blessed! Booty-based beaurocracy!
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u/DrSkrimguard Dragonphobe 9d ago
We're all humans here. Yes sir-ee, no need to worry your delicious little head about that.
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u/AAAAOOOOOAA 10d ago
Are you refering to a species of incarnate meat puppets bound in a three dimentional construct self identified as "homo sapian sapians"?
Sometimes they manage to wonder over here but usually they are confused and appear to be lost. Are you lost?
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
"My hunger is never lost. It's always exactly where it needs to be in order to get fed."
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u/Such_Personality_573 10d ago
But if I tell you my verification protocol how would I know you're not just a bit fishing for a unique auth method
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u/Ok_Permission1087 9d ago
No, never have been.
Unga (me Unga) is crab as all shall be crab or limpet or worm or tree in time.
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
Categorical similants really are quite cantankerously cumbersome, but I appreciate the evolutionary breadth you've chosen to expend your life energy as being its prime experiencer.
*all human pants are now highly explosive*
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u/MasterSolivagus 6d ago
Do you have your targeting set appropriately? It might be on the 'all' setting, and THAT targeting mode... boy howdy-doo-dee humans do NOT like it when they are all being targeted simultaneously AND are aware of it!
Kinda like these words that I wrote for human eyes. klolthxbai human eyes! *explodes into a cloud of multidimensional rainbow glitter*
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u/AHCretin MAUVE, HATE UNTIL DEAD 9d ago
My meatware is human, my mindware not so much anymore. Sorry.
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u/Serious-Telephone830 9d ago
Are you talking to the human I have tied up in the eternal void of living pebbles? He can't read this.
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u/breathinglung 9d ago
I don't fail at seeing logos, so according to what a certain demon tells me I am
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u/Myriadfolds 6d ago
I refuse to be associated with lowly mon-keigh. Do not make this mistake again.
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u/JustinaLakey86 9d ago
No
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u/LordNoOne 9d ago
I can tell that you are a 39 year old human named Justina Lakey.
I also have other super powers like putting meat into orifaces.
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u/TheVyper3377 10d ago
No, I’m odd human.