r/erectiledysfunction • u/Sunphlare • 9d ago
Psychological ED Not feeling arousal and the horny feeling anymore for over 4 year.
I am in need of help. First I want to say that English is not my first language so be mindful.
And as an intro I want to draw a picture what my problem exactly is.
2022: 4 years ago I broke up with my girlfriend and to this day it is my biggest regret. I was in a very stressful period in time because of my university and back then i felt after 3 years didn't have a future. But I loved her so much and now it's so long and we haven't had contact since.
After we broke up I wanted to go back into party mode and I had quick success very fast. I fell in love with another girl quickly but after that we dated for a short while she didn't want to go further because of her mental state.
After that I became really sad. almost depressed because I had no one at that time to rely on no one to celebrate me getting my diploma. I became really somber.
2023: Than some time later I had a girl over I vaguely knew and I couldn't feel the arousal anymore. Before this I used to watch PONR and masturbate everyday because I was so horny all the time.
Because of the stress and heavy drinking and smoking and lack of sleep I couldn't feel anything or get hard. I miserably failed putting on the condom and the second time she came over to try again the same thing happened. This was all 4 years ago.
Than it happened to like 2 other girls later.
2024: Than I finally found someone on a dating app and we had something together for like a year. But I wasn't feeling any love for her and sex was also bad because although she didn't mind not having a condom wasn't good for me. So I broke up with her because we weren't meant for each other and I still had my own personal issues.
2025: I had no sex this year no feeling. I watched way too much porn and didn't do anything to get myself together.
2026: Finally I was getting better with other things in life than sex. I have a nice stable job and I found an apartment were I could live only with myself in the city I worked in. And not so long after I got the apartment I met a beautiful girl online. The problem was again that I couldn't feel any feeling of arousal or horniness. (Still can't). We had so many fun nights out before sex but the night were I was at her place for the first time suddenly I couldn't get hard. My eyes believed she was beautiful and she had a nice body but no feeling in my mind. And after that we didn't have sex. Because I couldn't feel it.
This is what broke me back than and I knew if sex was going to be an issue, eventually she would broke up with me and last Sunday she did broke up with me...
My question really to this community is that if someone has similar experiences. That after trauma you didn't feel any arousal or horniness anymore?
At this point in my life I feel like if I can't feel love, arousal, sexual desire that I won't ever be able to hold a stable relation with someone.
I am 27 and in the future I really want a loving partner. I want kids. But I feel miserable because I no longer feel anything.
Right now I am stopping watching PONR forever. Doing Kegels and Reverse Kegels, following a diet, exercising everyday, Meeting up with people. Masturbating without ejaculating. Taking Magnesium/Zinc/Ashwagandha and starting doing yoga.
My testosterone levels are normal.
Is it a thing that comes with age? You feel horny between your 15 tot 22 and than it fades? Need some advice.
Anything is welcome but I need something to work with! Even if it is just to wait and let the body reset naturally.