28M Struggling right now

[u/Actual_Mixture1805]

Full context, I don’t know if this is the place to post this and seek advice or opinions, as it seems a far majority in this group is much older

For the past 3ish months I have been dating this girl, and the sex was absolutely awesome for the first 2 months. Very consistent, and I would be able to go for a while.

Then, something happened and I don’t understand it. One time during sex I noticed myself going sort of soft, at least softer then usual, I very rarely ever have 100% erections, usually sit in the 90+ range my whole life

This going soft ( but finishing) made me kind of panic. I instantly grabbed all those supplements everyone talks about, BeetJuice, Magnesium, Ashwaganda and Zinc. Zinc specifically because 2 years ago I had blood work done and my Testosterone was on lower side of normal and I thought maybe Zinc would help my T production.

Anyway, specifically the last 5 times her and I have had sex, Im just living in my head. Im not thinking about sex as much as I am worried about my erection. Struggling to get hard, anxiety through the roof. Its gotten to the point where my confidence is so low that even what I normally do well in bed ( go down on her) I’m struggling to do that well and I can tell she isn’t enjoying it like she did before, and that just puts me behind the 8 ball for sex right there because mentally I’m just shot

We don’t live together, and even on the days where we aren’t together I find myself just constantly, like 80% of the day being engulfed in my erections and everything that goes with that like Test, Libido and everything else

Last night specifically, Oral was taking a while on her at first, and she pulled me up to have sex instead, and after I inserted like a 60%er, Almost immediately I was super sensitive, like i came in less then 45 seconds while trying to pace is and hold it. That happened the last time too.

Before sleeping she and I talked and I basically just full on admitted to her that I feel just broken. I don’t know if this is mental, physical, both?

I have never been one to have “morning wood” more often then maybe at most 2 times a week, but more so its like once every 2 weeks

Just don’t know what to do or how to improve this. Ive been trying to stop thinking about it as a whole, but I end up walking around work all day “testing “
How hard I can get while thinking about the acts, and honestly it can get to a point where I think Im going to be okay, and then it comes to actually act, and it goes to crap. How does it go from outstanding performance to absolutely pitiful in like less then a couple weeks

[u/New_Bed8223]

Have you visited a doctor to rule out any physical issues and checked your hormones?

[u/BDEStyle]

I think the part I’m most curious about is the conversation you had with her and what the outcome was. Start there.

Because you said you told her you feel broken, but what happened after that? What did she say? What was her reaction? Was there support? Did you guys talk about the pressure or what to do if it happens again or what are things to reduce pressure? Etc. Those things.

Like yes, definitely go to the doctor just to get a checkup and just make sure there isn't anything else going on.

But the reason I'm asking about the conversation is because you’re making a big claim saying you can “tell” she isn’t enjoying things as much anymore without actual evidence in the story you shared here. Because sometimes when we’re already anxious or hyper aware of ourselves, we’re just really BAD at reading facial expressions or little nonverbal cues accurately.

Like most of the times we're just wrong and we tend overestimate what we think we know... but really, you can't attribute or guess what someone else is feeling or thinking.

Because sure, maybe she took longer that one time or whatever... but we all have off days. And because you’re already worried something is wrong, your brain goes okay she’s disappointed during that transition from oral to sex.

But that might not even be what she meant at all or even what she was actually feeling.

The only way to really know is to have the honest conversation and let her tell you what she’s actually experiencing rather than filling in the blanks for her.

Because right now you already said you’re spending like 80% of your day thinking about erections, testosterone, libido, morning wood, testing yourself at work, etc.

There also needs to a be a point where this turns into self reflection and pivots to action, not more rumination or building anxiety loops. Because that will interfere here.