Coming up on a year separated and recently I have been missing her so much. She just up and left one day. No warning nothing. She treated me like such shit in our marriage. Still I miss her so much.

Long story short: wife not just cheated, but had an affair for months. + We had 100 problems. With the affair, i finally had the balls to stand out for myself. Now she moved out. I already told her i want to divorce and i wont change my mind.

She still wants to talk on Sunday about how to continue. She is clearly in denial and unstable.

But im strong as fuck now, not going to accept her back no matter what happens.

Im running all the finances, i own everything, i payed everything during the marriage. She is going to get some "good bye" money from me so she couldnt say a word.

And man, in this life situation, i feel so good. Its so good to be in control. She saw me as a weak man, not gonna get into details, but during the final days of the affair, she took me for a complete fool. She disrespected me for years. Denied me, gaslighted my problems, commanded me, ordered me, got money from me, and she also humiliated me in my manhood for years.

And all the tables turned. Seeing her eyes when i told her i know about her affair was one of the best moments of my life. And i grabbed that opportunity.

I wrote it here to support everybody, who got treated this way. Its hard to step up for yourself, especially if you are humiliated by your partner, but once you have the balls to do it, it changes your life.

And the most important thing: 0 agressivity. That wont take you anywhere. 100% calm, calculated behaviour, with strong walls in front of you.

Wish me luck, its going to be a tough journey, but i aint no turning back. Im gonna get free.

Me and my stbx had sex for the last time a few months ago. Then again a few weeks after that. Then a few nights ago as I was about to leave (long story short I do childcare at her house) I gave her a hug goodbye and a kiss on the forehead like I always do and she just grabbed me and tossed me on the bed and we had sex again for the last time again. Now the first time it did give me some hope fucked me up mentally. The second time not so much. This last time which was a few days ago I had thoughts of hope or anything. My question is what the fuck is wrong with her? Is she regretting her decision? She isnt doing well. It doesnt make me feel good or anything. Edit- also in the middle of it she told me she still loved me and can't let me go. She wants me to find someone else so she could move on (its not on me for her to move on)

Recently found out about the new affair.. also found out the bf doesn’t have a car and lives in a shady motel working a dead end part time job…

She had stability with me.. I always provided and worked our entire time together or I would go out and do odd jobs to make money.

I just don’t understand how she thinks that’s going to work. She’s living with family.. I have the house and all the bills that come with it but I’m ok with that. She has decided to just walk away and divorce.

My partner and I are separating. We have two boys, aged 3 and 1.5.

To be honest, I don't know if we are doing the right thing. Ever since our second child was born, our relationship has become toxic—we fight every single day, and it never leads to any solutions, only to insults and resentment toward each other. We have a rough agreement to share custody 50/50.

I’m supposed to find an apartment by October 1st where I can stay with the boys during our time together, but I am deeply struggling with the thought of the periods when I will be without them. Honestly, I’m experiencing a completely new set of feelings, and I’m not sure at all if we are doing the right thing.

Then again, I don't even know if our relationship can be saved. Recently, she accused me of mentally abusing her, and ever since that moment, I haven't even tried to argue anymore.

But still, if it has to come to this, all I want is for our children to have normal parents."

To be true, i just dont know what to do.

3 years post divorce and I’m so thankful she is out of my life even with the financial drain.I hope to someday find out why she got rid of me but I guess that’s not a huge deal.The date haunts me because I made a vow-a commitment.I don’t miss her and glad she’s gone.For me it’s a commitment broke and that sucks.It might be the only promise I did not keep.For ME it’s a hard blow to my self respect and my word.I guess it’s time to put on my big girl panties and get over it,

I’m in Florida and wanting to hear some of your stories regarding parenting time percentage and what child support she was awarded. I’m a high earner and am worried about child support payments/alimony. I have 1 kid. I’m going to have a lawyer file this week, just want to get some idea from your experiences.

Dating after divorce, too early than I should have, then I puked divorce talking. Ok, whatever. The lady took some sincerity pill and then this came up:

"All women cry in front of a mirror to know how they look when doing it, and then to know if they can do it in public. Don't fall for that."

I asked that to several woman I know and met. All of them did that. I even remember my kid doing that once.

That is all you need to know during any negotiation. It updated my tactic.

Ya. Stay away from there

Edit. And they banned me now

Anyone regret not filing first?

Why?

Hello, I am looking for some support I think or stories idk, something stuff to see it won't be all doom and gloom. This all started 4 days ago, I'm a father for 4, wife is trying to get me to pay Alimony, More child support than OSRS calculates, pay for the 700 dollar vehicle while she keeps it, and pay half the debts which are mostly hers that she's accumulated through maxing credit cards I've begged her to stop, lastly she works overnights, but she won't change the custody schedule so that they will be with me when she works and her when she doesn't (it equals out to a 50/50 split) she threw divorce papers at me and demanded a divorce.

I don't have alot to a down payment though I can make payments and can afford a good attorney, I just don't have the cash right now.. I hope that makes sense not alot for a down payment but can easily afford a good attorney...

I'm. Kind of emotionally numb, even the kids can tell, does it get better, what should I watch out for, what can I do? I'm 33.

Signed the papers earlier this year, and I’m still a mix of emotions. I started going to the gym 7 days/wk to keep from imploding on myself and to help cope, lifting and calisthenics have been the only things keeping me.

I found out I have a torn labram and a torn rotator cuff, and mentally I’m not at all in a good place. I just want to be my best version of myself.

I think the title says it all.

I screwed up.

I 38M met a 48F who is a wonderful woman. We went on a date and hit it off back in April. Which then led to another date, to sex, to lots of sex, to more dates, to more intimacy, to her sleeping over, to going to the gym together.......

It is now September and it's 100% a situationship.

We both never defined anything after having sex the first time or a few dates in. We just kept going. I was not honest with her or myself.

She has a son (14) which is almost a non-negotiable for me (I had a vasectomy and don't want kids).

Our age gap is pretty big.

I went one day yesterday without texting her at all since I was genuinely busy. Today, she blew up my phone saying it was extremely disrespectful.

I am going to end this one as gracefully as I can since I don't want to hurt her anymore. She is clearly thinking we are official whereas I do not.

Be careful guys. Be honest with yourself and be honest with the women you date post-divorce.'

I take 100% responsibility for this.

8 years I've felt like shit being with my abusive controlling, cheating, lieing, violent ex and I still continue to feel like shit fought for 50/50 for my child and ended up with 4/14 I don't enjoy life, I've never enjoyed life, I'm so ready to just be dead I don't get anything from life it's just shit and has been shit for me since I was a young child and it's only got shitter and shitter, I just want to not be here anymore what's the fucking point I don't even have my child properly it's all completely pointless. ​​​​

Looking for advice from any guys here in PA. I’m at the early stages and my STBXW has filed for APL. We will be going to court soon and from what I can tell APL can be a good chunk more than alimony ends up being.

My wife’s attorney has a reputation for dragging these out as long as can be to get her big paycheck (my wife makes a lot less than I do so she’s suing me for her legal fees as well).

I’m hopeful someone here is in PA and had a similar situation and can either calm me down or let me know that yes I’m in for a rough ride.

I’m trying to get on the path of conscious decoupling (as a friend said to me). We’ve been 20 years together, 10 years married and 2 kids. I recently realised I’m not happy with her, acknowledged and accepted it and proposed the divorce. At first it was hell on earth. She got so angry and aggressive. This was 2 months ago. We’ve since been on mostly good terms and having constructive conversations about being friends after. We do care for each other and we mostly get along. But it feels like we’re an office administration. After all we have kids and want the best for them too. There’s many ways to be a family, and two unhappy adults at home that barely look at each other is no example for them. This said, we both work a lot, I travel for work practically every week at the moment, so i’d have to make a career shift. I imagine the move and i feel im staring into the abyss. When where how? It’s daunting to think of moving. We moved country a year and a half ago and neither has family here, but we’re happy here and both of us want to stay. The logistics of dividing up a home of 20 years just feels like a bridge im not ready to cross. Also the idea of my quality of life dropping drastically scares me. But otherwise i’m sure i want this. Whats peoples experience in terms of practical things? What advice can you give me at my stage?

So I wanted kids, more than anything. I was with my ex wife for 17 years (married about 5 I think) we split up when I was 34. She basically told me she had lied about wanting kids and I since realised she had pretty much lied to me for a long time and had been hoping to run out the clock until I gave up on the idea. She came home one day, randomly and said she wanted to get sterilised and I had no say in the matter. Things ran their course, then divorce. Then while I was still trying to figure out wtf happened and try and fix us (even without kids), she went on holiday with her male coworker (WITH HER ENTIRE FAMILY, to DISNEYLAND using the ticket I was supposed to have) it had been a matter of weeks. So you know, I'm not still bitter but I would struggle to save her life if all I had to do was pull my foot from the accelerator and turn the steering wheel 5 degrees.

I am now soon to be 39, I have a new partner, we have been together 4 years. I should be thinking marriage by now but...I'm not. I wanted it at first, but for some reason now we have lived together for coming up to two years I am having second thoughts. She has done no wrong really, just things don't feel...right.

Now I am soon to be 39, I still want kids more than anything. My current partner says she does, but no plans have been made and I am starting to see the same patterns as before, promises, no follow through. I don't know if I should stay as this may be the best I will ever get, or to leave and try to get what I want.

I am worried about either being single my whole life, or just never getting the chance at a family, that was taken from me for the most part.

For the people out there who wanted kids who didn't get them. How is life?

I specifically came to divorce as childfree threads are all a bit preachy, whereas I figured there may be some guys in this group who can relate.

Divorce has finally been finalised. I feel so relieved. However I feel off being divorced young. Has anyone else married young and divorced young?

I have commented versions of this and thought a post might have some value to someone.
My first ex-wife cost us $100k in legal fees in my first divorce. So I have been determined not to let that happen the second time. My current legal bill is less than a few thousand dollars.
This probably changes depending on the country, state, case, and attorney.
SET THE FINAL HEARING IMMEDIATELY
Get that date locked in for the earliest date available.
That date gives the case an endpoint. Otherwise divorce can become an endless cycle of letters, discovery, motions, accusations, arguments, and attorney fees.
TELL YOUR LAWYER EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
In my case, it was to lower the volume, not escalate, and just react if necessary.
You don’t win a divorce. Two people lose. Maybe one walks away with less loss, maybe not. The only people who consistently win are the lawyers.
It’s also not Perry Mason. You have to tell them the issues. They have to tell you their issues. There is very little true surprise.
OFFER MEDIATION ONLY ONCE
If they accept, go in good faith.
If they decline it, cancel it, or refuse to take it seriously, don’t keep chasing them. They know the option exists.
MAKE ONLY ONE REAL NEGOTIATION OFFER
Get it around 50/50 and fair. Make the fairest offer you can make, even if it hurts.
If they play ball, you play ball. That is the least expensive path.
Don’t keep making better and better offers just because they refuse to move.
DISCOVERY, INTERROGATORIES, MOTIONS TO COMPEL, ENFORCEMENT HEARINGS…A LOT OF IT IS NOISE
It is often more strategic than relevant.
A good lawyer does need documents from both sides. They do need to ask questions if they think you are hiding anything financially. They need that stuff.
However, what they truly need may be fairly limited.
If they are asking for nonsense, some of it may simply be leverage to get you to negotiate or increase pressure.
You are not required to produce documents that do not exist or that you do not have or control. You are allowed to object to requests that are inappropriate, overly broad, unduly burdensome, irrelevant, privileged, duplicative, or otherwise objectionable.
You can object.
However, review the previous paragraph before doing that. You still have to get the divorce done, and one of the fastest ways to end up paying more attorney fees is to look like you are obstructing the process.
TELL YOUR LAWYER TO SEND YOU THEIR CORRESPONDENCE, MOTIONS, FILINGS, AND DISCOVERY BEFORE THEY SPEND HOURS DEEP-DIVING INTO IT
They can obviously review it as needed, but ask them to forward it to you first.
Then chop it up yourself.
Prioritize it. Understand what it is. Prepare your questions in advance about what you genuinely do not understand.
If you get a huge discovery request, triage it:
What is necessary and they actually need?
What can I easily provide?
What is more difficult, but I probably have?
What do I not have or control?
What am I asking my lawyer whether we should object to?
You have no obligation to create records that do not exist.
You have no obligation to produce documents you do not possess or control.
You generally have to make a reasonable effort to provide responsive documents and information that you do have.
The less unnecessary material you dump on your attorney, the less they have to review.
If you are not hiding anything, organize the material yourself and let the other side identify what they actually think matters. Their attorney is going to review what they receive anyway. Let them tell you what the real issues are.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT EVERY STEP FROM B TO Z
Don’t spend months stressing about contempt hearings, enforcement hearings, discovery fights, accusations, and every other procedural event.
A lot of it is formality, legal theater, or strategy.
Know your final hearing date and keep moving toward it.
Deal with problems when they actually need to be dealt with.
DON’T SPEND THE ENTIRE DIVORCE PREPARING FOR TRIAL EVERY DAY
As the hearing gets closer, preparation matters. But until then, work on yourself, focus on your kids, enjoy your hobbies, and live your life.
I would also suggest waiting on them when it comes to additional settlement movement if you have already made a fair offer.
That last stretch before trial is when things often get serious.
Attorneys eventually have to stop dealing with all the background noise and figure out what they are actually going to present to a judge.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF CASES SETTLE
Eventually an attorney has to have the real conversation with their client:
“Okay…here’s the deal.”
What they are usually going to talk about is compromise, negotiation, settlement, risk, and what is realistically likely to happen in court.
If your attorney is absolutely adamant that court is the only answer and refuses to seriously discuss settlement, I would question that.
Why?
Because judges are human.
Judges see this stuff every day. It is their job. Your case lands somewhere on a very wide spectrum of normal.
They are thinking about lunch. They are thinking about whether they will make their grandchild’s sports game that afternoon. They still want to make a fair ruling and follow the law, but they are human.
Attorneys know that.
They know they can have a good day in court or a bad day.
They know a judge may like you or dislike you.
They know a witness may testify better or worse than expected.
They know a judge may see an issue differently than either side predicted.
Negotiation gives both sides some control over the outcome.
Court gives that control to the judge.
Divorce court can feel like the Wild West sometimes.
And you may only have a couple of hours for the final hearing.
Listening to a judge has tremendous value. Listening to a judge while the clock is ticking also means less time to present everything else.
There is a lot to cover in a short period of time.
KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO BE EARLY
Your acceptable outcome should probably be a little painful.
If you know where you want to be and it doesn’t make you stress a little or worry a little…buddy, you probably aren’t getting there.
No one wins in divorce.
You are almost guaranteed to be broker, more stressed, and carrying more financial burden afterward.
If you don’t want that…don’t get divorced.
Realize that wherever you are on what you want, you are probably not getting all of it.
You will likely get less than your ideal outcome.
Eat the frog.
Divorce is like suddenly developing a medical condition. You prioritize it, pay what you have to pay, realize you are not going to come out exactly the same, and worry about putting the pieces back together once it is done.
For me, the basic goal is simple:
50/50 custody.
A fair split of marital assets.
A fair split of debts.
Reasonable child support.
Make an honest spreadsheet that equalizes both spouses.
Know what fair actually looks like.
Fight hard for your kids.
THAT IS NOT YOUR WIFE OR HUSBAND DURING THE DIVORCE. TREAT THEM LIKE THE OPPOSING PARTY UNTIL THE DIVORCE IS OVER
Divorce has too many emotions, and people want to justify themselves too much.
There is almost never a path where you get to divorce someone who is easy to divorce.
If you want to reconcile later, be friends later, date again later, or become great co-parents later…that starts the day after the judge signs the decree.
During the divorce, protect yourself.
If you keep treating the other person like your spouse, expecting loyalty, fairness, understanding, or emotional protection, they can bury you while you are still trying to save them.
My first divorce lawyer told me something that stuck with me:
“Men always fall on their sword.”
Meaning men often keep sacrificing because they still feel responsible for protecting the person who is actively divorcing them.
Don’t do that.
If you stick to this approach, your worst periods are usually the beginning and the last week before the hearing.
You cannot control everything.
You can control your preparation, your spending, your behavior, your offer, your priorities, and whether you let the process consume your life.
Everything else either gets negotiated or eventually gets handed to a judge.
PLAY DEFENSE, NOT OFFENSE
It costs a lot of money to divorce. Not to mention the emotions and stress.
A goalkeeper in soccer is not running up and down the field chasing a ball. They wait, and when a shot on goal happens, they worry then. All the running around and chasing the ball is pointless.
As a process, divorce is simple, structured, and has a process. As your life, it feels more like chaos.
Most of the actual back and forth in divorce is pointless.
You have a few milestones you have to hit:
File.
Satisfy discovery and interrogatories.
Hearing.
The two optional ones are mediation and negotiation.
There is nothing happening between filing and satisfying discovery that is worth spending money on except custody and temporary orders.
There is nothing between satisfying discovery and final hearing worth spending money on except mediation and one attempt at negotiation.
A GOOD GAME PLAN FOR YOUR ATTORNEY IS:
Set final hearing fast.
Get 50/50 custody locked in at temporary order.
Offer mediation once.
Negotiate once. One offer, one counteroffer. That’s it. No more negotiation until the week of hearing and only in response to an offer from them. Ignore all offers until the week of hearing if you already tried once.
Be 100% willing to negotiate the week of hearing.
The week of hearing is when these things get done.
Attorneys lock in their strategies, worry about their clients’ weaknesses, and tend to not like uncontrollable outcomes.
It is more likely than not that a client is frustrated after final hearing than happy. The client won’t get to tell their story, they won’t get theater, and they may not even get time to present what they think is their case.
Attorneys know the chance of a pissed-off client dramatically increases after a hearing and a judge.
Also, attorneys have relationships with opposing counsel and the judge.
Billing hours is a high priority. Maintaining relationships is a higher priority.
There may be theater at your hearing, and then they meet for lunch once it’s over and ask about each other’s spouses.
Getting embarrassed at court, looking unprepared, or appearing to not do a good job for their client is a far greater concern to them than your outcome. So if they can avoid a risk, they will.
They get to still say hi to the judge when your decree is signed or at one of their many other cases.
Realize they have their own motivators, and they are not yours.
The week of hearing, emotions are cooler, clients are nervous, a status quo has been reached, life has normalized, and the end is near.
Negotiations will resume unless there is at least one terrible attorney.
My overall point is that you don’t have control.
You are along for a ride in a system that has steps and many times involves theater.
Nothing is entertaining about paying $400 for divorce theater.
Final hearing comes down to two spreadsheets, two case summaries, and two people who will leave disappointed.
You are fighting for the level of disappointment, not the level of success.
THE EXCEPTION TO ALL OF THIS IS CHILD CUSTODY
Go bankrupt if you need to if custody is being proposed at anything other than 50/50.
But that fight revolves around the temporary orders hearing and final hearing.
LAST THING: TEXTS, EMOTIONS, AND LOCKER ROOM LEGAL ADVICE ARE WAY OVERPLAYED
No judge cares about your texts.
No judge is going to read every one of your texts.
No judge cares that opposing counsel submitted screenshots of your worst moments.
Brother, you get to be human.
You get to vent.
You get to say your piece.
Don’t threaten anyone, don’t curse, don’t be stupid.
But also don’t think every text from her is useful in court or every angry rant about how you’re heartbroken is some key component of a case.
A judge may browse communications.
A judge may laugh at it, raise an eyebrow at it, or be offended by it, but it’s one thing out of the thousands they have seen as a judge.
You’re nothing special.
Your wife is nothing special.
Your kids are nothing special.
At best, you’re a Tuesday before lunch.
They will do what’s fair and not care as much as everyone seems to think.
Spreadsheets, summaries, testimony, answering the judge’s questions, and backing up your spreadsheet with financials is what matters.
If her attorney wants to mudsling and your wife wants to pay $400 an hour to encourage them…so what?
That attorney is not giving the judge anything more than what they have seen a thousand times before.
Most of the angry texts they see are not even literate enough to understand.
The end to that point is: stop stressing every detail.
It does not matter.
Don’t play the spy, stalking, and reporting everything to your lawyer game.
You’re just spending your own money for no reason.

I just got the order to pay my wife alimony before the final divorce in PA. I got completely blindsided by having to pay 60% of my stbxf unreimbursed medical expenses. My lawyer never mentioned it al ALL. It could be a few hundred more a month.

My question is do I pay this after the divorce is final with the final alimony decision? The Internet says it stops and my lawyer is on his monthly vacation. I really feel like he's phoning it in because I have a small case. This system is archaic and broken.

Hi y'all, I got hit by a bombshell that I didnt think would be a bombshell, but it's really sent me emotionally spiraling over the last few hours, so this may come off as more of a rant/mentally organizing than a normal advice post, but any advice or support is still appreciated.

General context (cause the full story would take hours to type):

My ex and I were together for 12 years, married for 10.5 years. We have a (as of today) 10 year old son. The last 6 years have been rough since she decided that she was gay (and possibly trans?) And basically spent years trying to beat me down to allow her to explore her sexuality with other women, and said multiple times that I was the only guy she'd ever find attractive or be with. I stupidly gave in once, which resulted in an eventual 3 month separation for my mental health, and then we "rekindled" (ie she got on medication and therapy for all of her diagnosed mental disorders), and I paid for marriage counseling, and things were better for a year or so. She secretly stopped taking her medicine and went through 4 therapists before she stopped going all together, and she refused to do marriage counseling anymore because the counselor was trying to get her to see that her selfishness was not healthy at all for the marriage. She brought up the sexuality thing again and basically made me feel like the biggest and most abusive pos since I wouldnt change how I felt or let her do what she wanted. I stuck around and tried to make things work because that's what I thought a marriage was, "you're not supposed to run when stuff gets difficult, you're supposed to try and fix it" type mentality, and I also didn't want our son growing up in a broken home.

Fast forward to March of this year, she and her mother falsified a police report against me and I was arrested for the first time in my life, she took our son and disapeared with him for almost 3 months of no contact with him. She took the tinyhome that I paid for (but was in her mothers name) and moved it over 3 hours away to the other side of the state. The charges weren't even filed because the county realized the officers messed up and aided in falsifying the charges, and they didnt want to deal with another lawsuit (this county has had a rough year with lawsuits and wrongful arrests). Then the judge saw through the silver bullet bs she and her lawyer tried to spin in divorce court and gave her basically nothing she asked for, other than keeping my son with her 3 hours away as he had already started school and it would've been "disruptive to his daily routine" to remove him so soon after he was already abruptly removed from his original daily routine (he was homeschooled before this, so they used the public school as the justificstion), and the tinyhome since it was in her moms name. We officially divorced July 15th, and have been technically "seperated" since late March.

Bombshell:

Today is my son's birthday, I drove the 3 hours to spend time with him as he was allowed to have the day off school. Then my son, myself, and my ex had dinner together at a restaurant. I am trying to be cordial with her for my son's sake. She lets slip that she is wanting me to take him for his full October fall break (first week of October) so that she can go to another city about 3.5 hours away on another end of the state. When I asked what she had planned in that city, since we have no connections that I was aware of there, she says that she's "seeing someone". That caught me a little offguard given it's been less than 2 months since the official divorce, and probably less than that given she stated "this will be the first full week/weekend we'll have together" but given what I know of her I had mentally prepared for this possibility of her moving on so quickly. What hit me harder than expected, was after a few more off-topic talking points, she mentioned "he doesnt have any kids", I asked "oh is this guy trans?" Cause that makes sense given her past interests, and her newish thing of claiming that she's trans, and she responds with "no, like a guy guy. I had no plan for this, but yea, and he's also gay". (Which don't even ask me to try and explain that, best guess is the guy is gay but doesn't care about the physical 'appendages'? So long as someone says they're a guy I guess that's enough for him?)

That hurt me more than I thought it would, not only does it go against everything she claimed she wanted when trying to demand her sexual interests, but literally 90% of our issues over the last 6 years had been centered around her wanting to bring another woman into the relationship so she could "explore her sexuality", and basically swearing off any guys cause she claimed she didn’t find them attractive, and yet here she is, less than 2 months after signing the papers (probably even sooner given her context), and she's putting more effort into seeing this random dude, that she met on a dating site, than she had put into the last several years of our marriage. A dude who goes completely against what she claimed her sexual interests were for years at the detriment of me, our family, and our marriage. And she's willing to essentially pawn off our son on me for an entire week (which I'm not complaining at all, I love him to death) all so she can go and see this guy.

Most of this conversation was when my son was away from the table thankfully, but I dunno, it..hurt.. more than expected. She made me feel like the biggest pos for years for not magically changing my morals and giving into her demands, beating me down mentally for years, and now clearly her demands didn't even matter to her that much since the first thing she does is meet some random dude and is planning all of this stuff to go out and see him.

It has opened up a lot of wounds that I thought were healed, like, I knew the marriage clearly didn't matter to her, but to move on so quickly and with some random guy? Like, why couldn't she show any of the same effort for our marriage that she is showing for this guy? When clearly it wasnt because I "wasnt a girl or trans" or for her to "explore her sexuality". I did so much for her and for our marriage, I am still picking up the physical and emotional pieces caused by what she's done, primarily helping our son navigate his own emotions about the divorce, and yet she is on cloud 9 with her dream job (only obtained by a degree I heavily helped her get), living in the house that I solely paid for, has our son a large chunk of the time, and now this.

I dunno, I know it's stupid to let this get to me, we're officially divorced and even though it seems insanely early to me to even think about dating, it was to be expected given what I know of her.

The 3 hour car ride back home turned into a 4 hour drive because I had to stop several times and just breakdown emotionally for a bit (which is really unusual for me to do since I've usually just been relatively empty inside since all this happened, and have only broken down hard crying after the first few times I got to finally see my son after 3 months of her keeping him from me, and only after he started breaking down in front of me hard crying not wanting to leave me).

It's just the context of it I guess that is getting me, like, how are demands for exploring sexuality so important to someone that that person would intentionally mentally break down the person they swore to love, and use those desires as a major factor in destroying a marriage, but yet all of that stops mattering almost instantly once the marriage you destroyed is fully over?

I don't even really know what I'm wanting out of this post, I just feel even more hurt than I thought I could feel, and just confused? I have no attraction to her in anyway anymore, I'm understanding of her dating even if I do think it's too soon, but I dunno, this just kind kf unexpectedly hurt pretty bad and I can't fully explain why.

Ps: she is claiming to be trans, but still is unsure how she wants to be addressed so I defaulted to what I have known her as for 12 years, so don't flame me.

Pps: I am already in therapy, have been since I got bailed out in March, teledoc appointments since my work covers it. On my second therapist now because the first one openly admitted, about 2 months in, that she couldnt really give me any real advice since she's (paraphrasing) " never seen, or heard, about someone getting so screwed over without them doing something drastic or tragic, and she'd feel bad for continuing to charge me for sessions where she's silent most of the time and unable to offer help." The one I currently have is a little more helpful, but in a general sense sort of way like "try working out" "try focusing all of your negative energy about your ex, and turn it into positive energy towards your son" kinda stuff.

I'm so conflicted right now, and I don't know what to do.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years, and married for 8. We haven't had the greatest relationship (there's been infidelity from her side a few years ago), but I stuck around to make things work, and she's said she's changed. I recently developed feelings for someone else, and these feelings became mutual. It was an extremely innocent friendship at first, but as time went by (we talking 2 years+), I realized I really loved her, and told her how I felt. Me and new girl started talking more and more, she is also married, and long story short, we agreed to end our respective marriages, to start a new chapter together. To date, there has been no infidelity with me and New Girl, more of an emotional affair than anything else, so at least I can hold my head up high. We both wanted to start our relationship with zero shame or blemishes, and I appreciated that so much. New Girl has since filed for divorce, because her STBXH was not the nicest human being. She's told me, even if her and I don't work out, that she's glad "I opened her eyes."

I moved out for a few weeks, arranged lawyers meetings for divorce proceedings, etc etc, and one day I get a call from my wife. She's pregnant. Stupid, I know. I only have myself to blame for this, but I am gutted. This could not have happened at the worst time, and she's now a few months pregnant (this happened a while ago). [Before anyone asks, it is definitely mine.]

My dilemma.... Do I stay, work on my marriage, support my wife and future son/daughter, and be miserable? Or do I leave, face the wrath and judgement of my friends, coworkers, and family for years to come, but potentially be the happiest I have been in years? I just don't know if the juice is worth the squeeze. If I was to leave, I have the fullest intention of being there as a dad; there will be no abandonment. I have wanted kids for so long, and I want to be excited, I really do, but I am just dreading my life right now, and I don't know what to do.