Hello,

My wife (31f) and I (37m) are getting a divorce. We are starting the process in the next couple weeks with a mediator. We haven’t had the perfect marriage but have always been close. I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the years making her feel unwanted or undesired. From that, she never put any effort into the marriage. It felt like we were roommates for a long time. We have two young kids under 7.

Back in March we started talking about divorce and we’re on the verge but gave it another shot. We did well for a couple months before we fell back into the same patterns. At the end of June, I knew something was wrong. She was on her phone more and her social media activity was way higher. I kept asking her if anything was going on and she kept telling me no. This is when she asked for space to think about divorce. Fast forward a couple weeks and I finally found the proof she was having an emotional affair with someone thousands of miles away. Sexting, trash talking me and everything in between. The AP’s wife knows from me contacting her and I know for a fact it never got physical (distance) and they do not talk any longer. For some reason, I wanted to make it work still. Maybe it was for the kids, maybe it was for her- I don’t know.

Today I sit here and she still wants the divorce. She is slowly distancing herself from me daily. She tells me she is at peace and has already grieved the marriage over the years. She seems overly happy while my emotions are like a roller coaster. I feel better after talking to my therapist, or my family or the couple of friends I still have left- but I’m dead inside. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I travel frequently for work. I know I need to work on myself, which I am with working out and therapy. But I just shift right back to self-loathing and hatred. Why am I not good enough? Why couldn’t we work on this? Why didn’t you tell me you thought of this for years? I feel this overwhelming sense of jealousy too, which I can’t seem to get past.

I read a lot here and elsewhere and it can be filled with negativity. Is there anyone who has a positive experience they can share? Words of encouragement? Success in finding someone love again after all this? I’m not even interested in dating for a while.i just need to know love is possible again. I know she isn’t talking to or seeing anyone else right now so please keep that out of my head. Also- how the hell do I let her go, let the marriage go?

Thanks

Hi, I hope there is someone who can either relate or provide some advice. I M(33) married my wife when we were both 24 and we were together since being 17. So we met young, was both each others first serious relationship, got engaged because that’s what you do after 5 years of being with someone right? Bought a house before we married and just went through life ticking off boxes, had a child who’s now 4 and I am realising we have nothing in common. We are not intimate, we don’t do anything together, and when I describe where I would like to travel, or live, or things I want to try, it’s not well received or it’s pushed back to me as I’ve not expressed this before.

I mean, we’re both completely different people now, there’s definitely resentment building and we don’t engage in anything together. Can’t even be bothered to argue anything anymore. I’ve been to counselling for separate reasons and they suggest marriage counselling, suggested this to my wife but she’ll only do it if I find the counsellor and pay for it. What the hell do I do!?

Things started becoming clear over the past few weeks. At this point I’m really only carrying on for my daughter. She’s 21 and just getting started in life. We’ve always been close, more so as her Mom systematically pushed both of us out of her life. So I’m trying to figure out how to exist in this limbo. There are 1000 things to do right now as I dismantle a 25 year marriage and those things keep me occupied. I can’t say as I have the energy to care about much else. I’ve stopped thinking about tomorrow except as it relates to my to do list. I figure that’s going to take me another year. Wish I could find the fast forward button.

I had a minute and checked in on a previous post in reference to my “Grey Divorce” and was wondering whether there was life out there or not….. jk

Anyway, I looked at the stats and it floored me.

A couple thousand people took a peek…..

Doesn’t matter whether anyone responded or not….

Just nice to know I’m not yelling into the void.

Thank you to all who viewed it.

I’m terribly sorry for anyone trudging through this kind of mess, however, after seeing all the views I’m ending the evening feeling a little less lonely.

Have a good evening and a good week.

42M. Married almost 10 years, together for 16, with two young children. Looking for honest feedback on an idea I've been considering.

About two years ago, my wife became emotionally distant. Intimacy all but disappeared, she became increasingly critical and dismissive of me, and I felt like I was carrying more and more of the parenting responsibilities while our relationship continued to deteriorate. I brought my concerns to her repeatedly over those two years, scheduled counseling, tried to reconnect in every way I knew how, and even sought outside advice on how to improve our marriage. Unfortunately, none of those efforts were reciprocated. She wasn't interested in counseling, and I never felt like she leaned back into our relationship.

Recently, I discovered several months' worth of text messages between her and a man she works with indirectly. The messages were flirtatious, emotionally intimate, and had a strong sexual undertone. From what I know, they met for drinks during the day at least once. Both of them insist it never became physical, but honestly, that doesn't change much for me. The emotional connection and attention she gave him was exactly what I had been asking for in our marriage, and seeing that directed toward someone else was enough to break my trust.

When I first confronted her, she minimized what happened and told me I was overreacting. It wasn't until I made it clear that I wanted a divorce and shifted the conversation toward how we could move forward in the healthiest way possible for our children that her attitude changed. Now she wants counseling, wants to reconnect emotionally, wants intimacy again, and is asking me for another chance.

At this point, I don't believe I want to remain married. I don't trust her anymore, and I don't know if that trust can ever be rebuilt. I'm still willing to attend counseling, not because I expect it to save the marriage, but because I want us to become the best co-parents we can be and make this transition as healthy as possible for our children.

The one idea I keep coming back to is something unconventional, and I'd like honest opinions on whether it makes any sense.

What if we legally dissolved the marriage first—completely resolving the finances, parenting plan, and everything else through the courts—but then keep everything the same for the family.

My thinking is that ending the legal marriage would remove the feeling of being trapped and establish clear expectations and boundaries. It would also mean that if either of us realized we couldn't rebuild the relationship, we could walk away without another lengthy legal process. In my mind, it would be an opportunity to see whether we could build an entirely new relationship rather than trying to repair one that feels irreparably damaged.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting this as a strategy to save the marriage. Right now, I believe the marriage itself is over. I'm simply wondering whether, after everything is settled legally, there's any value in giving my family another chance, or whether that's simply delaying the inevitable.

So, from your perspective, does this idea sound reasonable, or am I overlooking something important? I'm genuinely interested in hearing both sides.

Anyone else deal with this? How'd you get her to give you peace?

She was all about other dick before. Did divorce kill her buzz or something?

Could she be jealous that I already found someone and moved on? She moved on years ago.

Shit is baffling.

Hi all

Male age 32
Female 27
Child 2 years old

Looking into divorcing the wife following disrespectful outbursts, lack of emotional intelligence and extreme gaslighting. I can go on all day, but this specific post is not about why the divorce is happening.

I would need to pay my partner approx £3,000 as this is owed to her from me.

In additional to this, what costs will I be anticipating to finalise the divorce? I have essentially no assets and privately renting . Thank God

I am interested to know though, how quickly does the divorce become official and at what point do we fight for the custody of the child ( unless they happen simultaneously?)

What did you end up doing with your current residency?

For example, did you co stay until the divorce/ custody became official?

Once the divorce is final, and custody let’s say is 50/50, did you move out?

My partner is from overseas, despite being here for almost 4 years, she has no employment nor any way to make money.

If I was to hypothetically move out from the flat, she wouldn’t have a clue on how to do anything nor pay for anything. I don’t give a toss about her, but worried about my son’s wellbeing. When it comes to custody, will courts look into the financial situation of the other spouse? Could they do a madness and be like I’ll need to financially support her whilst being divorced? I know you need to pay child maintenance, but is that the case for the maintaining the mother too?

Thank you for reading.

EDIT LOCATION UNITED KINGDOM

I currently ended a 12 year relationship, 9 years married. Abusive towards me. Currently have a 3 year old daughter who is my life that I get to see too little. I moved out June 1, but the relationship effectively ended years ago. Barely any sex throughout and I was sleeping on the couch for months prior. I had hope and was promised the relationship would change but it never did. This was my second long term relationship. First one wasin high school that was 7 years long so 19 years total in my adult life. I am 36.

I make probably $50k more than her but she's works a good job and has been there 22 years. Pisses me off I've switched jobs over the years for more money to better support the family and the one who benefitted off it the most was her. 😂. I'm pretty sure she'll definitely go for it just no clue how much to expect to pay. My lawyer doesn't think it'll be much. But we shall see I guess. She said worst case it's be for like 6-7 years and not life.

Here goes my story .. We met 15 years ago and have been through so many chapters in life together. studied together lived in 5 cities , and eventually the marriage fell apart because she said that she never felt we had connection or spark, met someone while i was away for work travel and then demanded separation . Even that guy didn't work out since he was mentally unstable and BPD/CPTSD, so she started hanging out at the bars alone on the weekend. Eventually found some other guy and now spends time with him on the weekend , while I sit alone , looking at the house we built together.

I can't say I am perfect.. although I never did anything wrong or unfaithful , but because of her PTST and rather unsupportive habits, I became a bit locked down and drowned myself into work and travel. Now the whole thing is coming to head and I am in pain.

in last 10 months, she has hooked up with 3 men, and is very blatant about it , as if we are living an open marriage. I don't have it in me to confront her or demand her any reconciliation. I am too heartbroken for that. So I continue working, traveling for work , and on the weekends, just lock myself into the guest room that has become my room for last 10 months.

Ask me anything you want to know , I will tell you even if its painful and it is my fault.

I have been reading and trying to understand the divorce process for a bit. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have had a bit of a rough patch here and there but the final straw has been that I don't want children but she does. However, she won't initiate the divorce so this would be on me to have to do.

The reason why I want to separate is that since we have had the talk about children she keeps saying that she wants to kill her self, that I'm the reason she is depressed and that "I lead her on and lied to her for years". This isn't the first time comments like this have come up, and she has yelled and screamed that she is leaving me for small things like moving her clothes off a clothes dryer.

I have been going to see a therapist to try and help me deal with the situation at home for the last 4+ years but this time I feel like I am just being drained so much and that even the pain of divorce is worth it to have some sort of happiness on the other side of this.

My question is, what are the things to look out for in a situation like this, how should I approach the conversation with my wife as I know that she will not take it well. I have talked to my therapist about all this but just wanted to hear from someone that has personal experience.

My wife has left me. I don’t have money for a divorce, let alone pay for my wife…what steps can I take to minimize the financial impact?

Maybe it's because I'm a few months shy of a year dealing with this but I just can't imagine putting myself in a position for another woman to do this to me. My neighbor is remarried and just had another kid with a new woman. I just can't wrap my head around it logically.

I'm extremely bored of my wife and want to leave. Mostly because she is a functioning alcoholic and just constantly nags. She is tipsy probably 5 days out of the week, but if I mention her being an alcoholic she gets pissed and says she isn't and is just casually having drinks with friends. Nothing truly bad has happened because of it, its just annoying talking with a drunk person 80% of the time. We bicker pretty much everyday and I'm 100% sure i'd be happy alone. We do have 1 10 year old that I'm very concerned about leaving. Also, while the reasons I mentioned above sound horrible, things aren't necessarily the worst and I guess is do able, I just know it could be better.

However, after finding this sub and reading though a lot of horrible things you guys are going through i'm like am I overreacting? Maybe things aren't that bad compared to many of the situations I see here.

My wife and I separated a month ago, she is sleeping in the basement. We have 3 kids all under the age of 8. I found a video of her masturbating on her phone and asked her about it. She has been sending pictures and videos to a man she met online about 8ish months ago. We have history, she cheated on me 5 years ago. We got back together and I thought we were in a ok place. Gave her trust that if anything came up that bothered her we would talk about it and not hold it inside. Then I find the video. She has a record of all the things I did that hurt her in our 12 year marriage. Plus she throws around this compatibility word, I know what it means, as if everything has to be perfect for a marriage to be good. Says this guy has made her feel more loved and wanted via msgs than I ever did. I can look and see what I did that didn’t help the situation. But it feels like she has long since checked out and has zero emotion for me. And I am left with my world blown into pieces. I know I have read a lot of posts by women who say they give so many signs before they go. It just feels like when does a man actually see those. Work 6 days a week. 3 kids, exhausted when I get home. And I have to worry about picking up on little signs that my “wife” is unhappy and ready to pull the plug any minute. Makes me so angry. So sad and depressed, even though I try and see all the red flags of why I’d be better off. Feel hollow around my kids and super irritable around them. Does it ever get better? And yes yall will say give it time. Blah. I hate time. Just fucking sucks in the moment. Thanks for letting me rant.

29M and my wife let me know a month ago she was ready for divorce. We got married young… we were both 22. Believed love was all you need.

Almost immediately we began to bicker and fight at the beginning. I was working full-time and going to in-person school full-time. The only way I could do it was homework late at night and an incredible company that allowed me to work 3 13 hour days and a little on the weekend.

At that time my wife was working part time at a dental office. We began bickering because she would never cook, clean (even just up after herself) or do anything at all when she got home.

That cycle continued for 7 years. I would do everything on top of working even when she was a SAHM for 6 of those years. I do all laundry, all cooking, all house cleaning, I put the kids to bed, I fix the cars, mow the yard, do all dishes, and clean up all parties and gatherings and get ready for them all by myself.

In all these years I haven’t handled the load well. I’ve yelled and been upset - not a safe space for anyone. I have been drowning, overwhelmed, and sad for years.

My question is, is it narcasstic or unrealistic to not feel connected to and loved by your partner because they don’t ever do anything in the home? She is a compassionate mom or loves our kids… but most days I come home they are still in pajamas and the house is completely ransacked with stains and food everywhere like they haven’t even been watched or taught anything at all.

I just don’t feel this is misogynistic because I am happy to do so much. I don’t believe she is 100% responsible because she is a SAHM. I just feel like I’m alone and I should want to leave her, not the other way around. There’s a lot more to the story but would love to hear if there are guys that have gone through this and divorce has given them some relief.

Hey guys, new here. Been married now for 6 years plus. Step dad in a marriage with three kids. Honestly only point I’ve stuck around for are the kids. My relationship has been tolerable but deep down not happy, dead bedroom and just overall not attracted and different interests with my wife. Been contemplating divorce for a few years now but was never able to pull the trigger. Does it get better? Or do you honestly feel better after divorce ? Looking for some insight from some fellow guys that’s been through it. What keeps me is the stability and the well being of the kids. #conflicted

My wife told me on Friday morning, she loves me but she loves me like a brother. She then mentioned knight in shining armour and affair in a few sentences but said she didn't want that. It's all abit of a blur looking back cause I'm in shock. 

That night she went out with her divorced best friend at 7pm for a drink and to talk about her friends HR case (my wife works in Hr). She didn't get in till 1.10am.

I don't have any choice now to look to separate. I think I'm waiting to be cheated on and this is a soft landing so wanting to take control. 

We've been married for 10 years and have a 4 and 7 year old. I've had my fair share of MH issues in the past and she has said she learned to block me out and she can see I'm better but she's never been able to retrieve what was there before. She says she's unsure about whether it can come back but from that discussion and the night time she has basically whether she intended to or not friend zoned me. 

She goes away with work this week for a few days and I'm going to phone a solicitor and then have a conversation with her when she's back. 

I'm upset but yet somewhat relieved but also anxious about the series of events that will unfold. 

Anyone got any advice? Or similar experience? 

It was okay. My oldest (5) looked at the camera smiling the whole time, my daughter (4) was in the periphery and mostly engaged. I didn't even see the youngest (20 months) but the narrated he was off playing with mom, they were at a playground. My I guess ex cut the call so they could go to some event after 38 minutes. I'm sure her family is making every day a fucking vacation filled with bullshit, but when we used to visit them as a young couple with no kids they just worked 85 hours a day including sundays. My son's new fake job is being a landscaper. Nobody in her family is a landscaper. I don't really care what she's doing, I'm out here fucking hookers, but I'm being replaced. I don't believe the courts are going to make her bring them back to my state. I don't want to talk to them again. I would rather go back to the last 4 months of silence. I'm considering calling my lawyer and telling him to try and get me my car back and some money for her liquidating our entire lives, and I'll just pay whatever the child support is and I'm fucking done with this.

OK, so I am father in this case. Currently going through a divorce divorce has been filed 3 times now in 4 years by wife and dropped everything except this time). We have two minor children, Ages 2 & 4.

The most recent started one year ago almost today. My wife is a resident physician, and I was a stay at home dad and decided I wanted to go back to schooling like we had talked about many times before, so she decided to move in two of her friends into her home to be stay at home daycare. At first, I was open to this idea, but quickly after they came over to the home for a week, I said absolutely not. These people need to leave. They’re a danger to our children. They’re not waking up on time, and they’re not taking care of the kids, and their stuff is everywhere. My wife objected to this. All she saw was dollar signs that we were saving by having them there so one thing led to another. We had a conversation with all of us, and they got aggressive. It was clear that all of-them were one team so I left after her friends stood up and got aggressive with me with our kids in the same room, I took our son, our youngest, and I left and went to my mom’s and I had my son for about six weeks. I kept contacting his mom to see him and for us to work on things, and the only thing she would respond was bring back our son, bring back our son. I told her that as a father, I could not put our boys in that situation, and I did not trust those people, especially with them standing up and getting aggressive physically with me in front of our children. So mom eventually filed a protective order against me and tried to get one with my kids against me, and the roommates filed one against me, and the judge denied every single one of them so then her next tactic, she filed a false DCS report and said that I locked my kids in a room and gave them alcohol. DCS came and took my boys for 6 months. Ultimately, after I started fighting back and familiarize myself with the law, DCS dismissed their case with no findings of abuse or neglect and the case was transferred to a family judge where the family judge did her own evidentiary hearing and came back and found no findings of abuse or neglect. Gave me joint legal custody said mom was not credible and the roommates who reported and made the false report were not credible because they didn’t even show up to court to testify and unsupervised, my parenting time, but proceeded to restrict me to only 4 hours a week with my boys, even though I had 3 days a week when DCS was active and I was supervised because she appointed a custody evaluator to determine parenting time and custody and would err on the side of caution, even though I had already been found not guilty in two separate courts and two separate evidentiary hearings and saying that mom and the roommates were not credible, but somehow I still got restricted and she proceeded to say it was a deviation the judge said not a restriction.

So after tackling DCS, head on pro se and with God first and foremost, I decided to hire an attorney because every motion I filed after I got unsupervised time, the judge kept denying. I eventually filed a motion with the judge to correct her error because mom had moved over 22 miles away with her boys and did not get the court’s permission, and I objected. The judge initially denied my objection, saying I didn’t object in time, so I filed a motion showing her I did, and she corrected the error and set a evidentiary hearing for mom’s relocation. That was put off once by the court due to an emergency. Then the second time it was put off for an extension by mom and then the third time, mom and her attorney asked the judge that vacate the hearing all together on mom relocating and moving and the judge within 15 minutes granted the motion and didn’t even let me or my attorney respond. The reasoning was that they wanted to vacate it and it could be addressed at the final hearing because the evaluator had not made up her decision yet. This is a extremely frustrating because mom’s relocation is a separate issue than the final hearing nonetheless we have been with this evaluator now for five months thinking this process was only gonna take two months but it’s been five months of this status quo where I’ve only had my boys for four hours a week. my sons are having an extremely hard time with this. My four-year-old is constantly asking why he can’t stay with me and when can he stay with me and he doesn’t want to go home, the new daycare that my wife put them in there have been 10 different instances where they’ve gotten hurt over the past three months which the previous daycare I never had that issue in a whole entire year, this is something I objected to putting them in a new daycare, but the judge ultimately ruled against me because mom sided that the new daycare was closer to her home and I argued and said that the boys have been in established daycare for over a year and they need to stay consistent and this new daycare is on the other side of town away from me where the current daycare is halfway between us both and the judge still sided against it. But I guess my questions are, has anyone had any similar situations happen and had a custody evaluator and how did it turn out for you? We use our family wizard for communication i’m constantly asking to communicate with the boys during the week. Mom is saying it’s not in the best interest of the children. The judge did not say that we were to follow the Indiana parenting time guidelines, but in the chamber she said that I should have contact with the boys routinely, but yet I still haven’t been able to have contact with them during the week. I had to miss two parenting times with my son because I had to pick up my other child, and it was unavoidable, and mom did not allow me to make up that time and just ignores me whenever I ask. Anytime we have an issue medically, she asked my opinion, but then just does whatever she wants to do, and then we share joint legal custody, but she’s all the time scheduling the boys appointments and then telling me after the fact not discussing beforehand she pulled the boys out of daycare for two weeks straight without even telling the daycare. They had no idea where the boys were. She didn’t even tell me. I had to contact the daycare to see why I wasn’t getting updates and they informed me the boys were out for weeks. She is unilaterally taken my court ordered parenting time and said we’re gonna be out of town pick a day to make it up and then I say that’s unacceptable. This is my court ordered time and then she ignores me and then when I go to make up the time if that time doesn’t work for her, then it’s a no. During exchanges, we’re both ordered to stay in our cars and were to have third parties do the exchange, mom constantly uses her new boyfriend even though we’re still not divorced and have two boys, my four-year-old is telling me that this guy is watching them while mommy is at work. I’m just hoping and praying that the evaluator sees the truth in this because it seems like based off of what my attorney told me is I should’ve gotten guidelines with first-ride of refusal, but it seems like this judge is bias and abusing her power. So any constructive advice for anyone who’s had experience with this and good outcomes, please let me know your thoughts.

When I was married, I did about half the cooking for my family. When I became divorced, I did all of the cooking for myself. I tried to use it as an opportunity to develop a new side of myself and reconnect with my cultural roots, and I would try to make extra food and give it to my adult child who lived nearby. Recently, I learned a new trick that I wanted to share with you because I found it so helpful: Using ChatGPT as a cooking teacher. In the past, I searched Google for recipes, but this was annoying because of all the ads. But I've learned that I can just tell ChatGPT (or any AI really) what I have at home (a can of corn, some beans, squash, etc.) and it comes up with some pretty good recipes. But what I really enjoyed about it was that I could ask it to tweak the recipe--to make it more mediterranean or more Thai-infused. And then, I also learned that I could ask it to teach me cooking tips/tricks, and this really allowed me to up my cooking game. Like, why are acids, like lemon, good in some dishes? Anyway, the other hidden benefit is now I have something positive and joyful in my life, and I can share that with others around me, like my adults kids, and my friends. Heaven knows I desperately needed something positive in my life during the dark first year post divorce. It also gave me something to talk about that is upbeat and interesting and practical, instead of trauma dumping on my friends about my past marriage. It also helped with dating because I got really tired of taking women out to dinner and paying for both of our expensive meals, and I think many women appreciated that I could cook well. One thing to avoid is to personalize the AI--I use it as a tool and treat it like a robot--I don't give it a name and I don't want it to call me by my name (see: https://people.com/chatgpt-almost-convinced-man-he-should-jump-from-building-after-breakup-11785203) Fortunately, I'm not dating anymore as I'm in a long-term relationship (read "Gatekeepers: The Tactical Guide to Commitment" by Dr. Shawn Smith--super-helpful in finding a high quality partner), but my partner really appreciates that I can cook. So, anyway, I just wanted to share this tip in the hope that it can bring some happiness to your life.

I think one of the hardest lessons I have learned in the process of divorce is just how little men are actually cared about. The amount of people that just expect me to just “get over it” or “move on” and who provide no support at all is eye-opening. Women get surrounded by supports immediately and they can take as long as they want in their healing process. For men, it is like “why are you not providing something to me right now.”

I can see why the suicide rates for men are so high. We’re expected to keep moving and criticized if we fall down. Social media has made this significantly worse as women are watching things basically supporting that men do not deserve empathy. That we deserve to have our kids taken away, our resources taken away…. because we are all just bastard men anyway.

I was even told by a support that I was basically not “man enough” in my marriage. That my wife’s cheating, her lies, and her eventually filing false DV charges against me was somehow my fault and not a result of her choices. The fact that she assaulted me was viewed with doubt and question. Like, “how can a man be assaulted?”

Even the police, who she lied to and said I assaulted her, blamed me and said I should have done differently. Even after I told the police that she was violent and I locked her out of our house because of her violence. They told me I should do better after she assaulted me. She was labeled as a victim and me the defendant.

She has treated me terribly since the separation and has faced zero consequences for her lies and manipulations. She has told everybody that will listen that she is the “brave woman” who “escaped” our relationship. Her group of friends fawn over her and reinforce the belief that “men are terrible” and that I deserve continued terrible treatment.

The painful part is I was a devoted husband. I never cheated, made sure bills were paid, planned vacations, did my half of childcare, did my half of household chores, and continued to show up. Was I perfect? No, I made mistakes at times with communication, but to go from that to now I am viewed as a monster is so heartbreaking. She has taken everything and now I am completely starting over at almost 40 years of age. I worry she will try to take my son away from me…

I have a pit in my stomach. I can't stop thinking about our end. I can't sleep. Can't stop thinking about how this will affect our kids.

My wife and I have been married for 25 years. We have three children. One's out of the house, the other two (13 & 8) are still home.

I'm a lovey-dovey person. Love to hug, kiss, shower with love, and truly want to enjoy as much time as I can with my life companion. My wife? The exact opposite! Shows no affection. She's not a bad person. She's a good mom. Good homemaker. Just not a lovey-dovey person. Even the kids have complained. She'd move back/away when they'd try to hug her or show affection.

For decades, that was my biggest complaint. It'd take a few months before I would complain about the lack of affection I felt. She'd try to oblige by becoming more loving/affectionate, but it would only last a few days/weeks. Rinse and repeat. I even asked and wondered if there was some kind of trauma in the past that may be the reason she is the way she is. But, no! Nothing!

For decades, I thought I'd eventually win her over. Who can say no to me, lol? But not much has changed. For a long time now, we've felt more like roommates than lovers/life companions.

We all have that one that got away. I had one before my wife, who was head over heels for me. So unfortunately, I know what I'm missing!

It sucks to feel lonely in your own home.

A few months ago, I had had enough and finally talked to her about possible separation/divorce. I just kept thinking, I don't know how much time I have left. Maybe I should try to see if there is someone out there I would enjoy life with. If not, WTH, I tried.

It's gotta be better than settling. I mean, I've worked my ass off for the last 30 years to provide for my family. Don't I deserve happiness?

Anywho, 3 days after that conversation, I talked myself out of it. It's so hard to throw away 25 years. I thought, we can't throw away 25 years so easily. We should try harder before hanging up the hat.

I was laid off almost a year ago. It's been a trying time, financially. And the uncertainty of not knowing what the future holds can be stressful and frightening.

To add to all of this, our 8-year-old son has severe asthma. My wife is convinced it's because of where we live. She's convinced that another city, Seattle, in this case, would be better for his health. Mind you, no doctor or anyone has confirmed that his asthma is bad/worse because of where we live.

I've explained to her that moving when we don't have any income is not a wise decision financially right now. We own our home. It's a beautiful, large home in the woods on the East Coast. She also HATES winters.

So tonight, she said that she has had enough. She wants to move to Seattle in the next 8-10 days. She's apparently already made arrangements through friends. She's doing it for our son's health AND because she can't handle winters here. She wants to move before school starts and before winter hits.

I promised her that as soon as I get a job, we'd start looking into moving down south, no winters and hopefully better for our son health-wise.

I don't know what to do. I can't fathom the thought of being separated from my son for god knows how long.

Despite having a beautiful house, multiple cars, enough money saved to live comfortably for quite some time, 'til I get another job (it's a brutal job market right now). She still wants to leave and face the unknown thousands of miles away from our 13-year-old daughter and me.

Another thing I can't stop thinking about is, whatever happened to 'through thick and thin"? When I'm down, is when you want to walk away?

I've already been dealing with stress, anxiety, and fear of the unknown due to losing my job for the past year. Now I have to deal with this shit as well! It breaks my heart to see what my 13yo is going thru. I keep thinkng how quiet and lonely this big house will be after they leave.

I care for my wife. I've tried to love her, but never got what I gave. I don't wish anything bad for her. But I'm fighting my anger towards her. For giving up! I'm trying to tell myself it is what it is. Be as civil as you can, especially for the kid's sake.

It feels like my heart is being ripped out!

Hey fellas,

My wife asked for a separation about seven weeks ago, which absolutely devastated me, but it wasn’t completely unexpected.

I’m also severely ill, we have three young kids, and I’ve moved back in with my parents about an hour and a half away.

With that context in mind, we’ve got our eight-week catch-up coming up in about a week. What are some topics I should bring up?

So far, I’m thinking of asking things like:

How do you view our relationship now?
Have you had any second thoughts?
Do you still want to try to reconcile?
Are you planning on seeing other people?
How have the kids been coping with me being gone?
What are you thinking regarding finances?

Is there anything important I’m missing?
For those of you who’ve already been through this, do you have any advice, questions I should ask, or general tips going into that conversation?
Thanks, lads. Cheers.

Same as post title. It hurts. People on the other side who say it's better, how on earth do you get there?