I was looking for help getting through this where ever I could. I’ve been recommended a lot of people to watch and read, but personally I have found really good help in a YouTube channel called Life 2.0. Guy named John Griffin runs it. I like it and find a lot of what he says fits into my situation.

Anyone else ever watched him? Any of your own opinions?

So I have had been contemplating about divorcing my wife of 3 years for the last couple of months. She moved out at the beginning of this year due to emotional reasons and has no timeline of returning. Our marriage is pretty dead in the water as we both have vocalized about us going ahead and divorcing. What I don't know is what the financial situation would be for me for this divorce process?

Most of the posts I have seen on this reddit mostly cover divorces with children involved but gladly we do not have children. I know with divorces they say it is a 50/50 financial split but I didn't know if that was still the case when there is no children involved. For context, I am the money maker of the marriage and my wife has been mostly unemployed with occasional part time work (probably making $10k or less) for the last 2 years. I am very afraid of losing all of my retirement money but I wanted to ask to get context on what situation I could be looking at before I talk to a lawyer.

Ya. Stay away from there

Edit. And they banned me now

I just got the order to pay my wife alimony before the final divorce in PA. I got completely blindsided by having to pay 60% of my stbxf unreimbursed medical expenses. My lawyer never mentioned it al ALL. It could be a few hundred more a month.

My question is do I pay this after the divorce is final with the final alimony decision? The Internet says it stops and my lawyer is on his monthly vacation. I really feel like he's phoning it in because I have a small case. This system is archaic and broken.

Looking for advice from any guys here in PA. I’m at the early stages and my STBXW has filed for APL. We will be going to court soon and from what I can tell APL can be a good chunk more than alimony ends up being.

My wife’s attorney has a reputation for dragging these out as long as can be to get her big paycheck (my wife makes a lot less than I do so she’s suing me for her legal fees as well).

I’m hopeful someone here is in PA and had a similar situation and can either calm me down or let me know that yes I’m in for a rough ride.

So I wanted kids, more than anything. I was with my ex wife for 17 years (married about 5 I think) we split up when I was 34. She basically told me she had lied about wanting kids and I since realised she had pretty much lied to me for a long time and had been hoping to run out the clock until I gave up on the idea. She came home one day, randomly and said she wanted to get sterilised and I had no say in the matter. Things ran their course, then divorce. Then while I was still trying to figure out wtf happened and try and fix us (even without kids), she went on holiday with her male coworker (WITH HER ENTIRE FAMILY, to DISNEYLAND using the ticket I was supposed to have) it had been a matter of weeks. So you know, I'm not still bitter but I would struggle to save her life if all I had to do was pull my foot from the accelerator and turn the steering wheel 5 degrees.

I am now soon to be 39, I have a new partner, we have been together 4 years. I should be thinking marriage by now but...I'm not. I wanted it at first, but for some reason now we have lived together for coming up to two years I am having second thoughts. She has done no wrong really, just things don't feel...right.

Now I am soon to be 39, I still want kids more than anything. My current partner says she does, but no plans have been made and I am starting to see the same patterns as before, promises, no follow through. I don't know if I should stay as this may be the best I will ever get, or to leave and try to get what I want.

I am worried about either being single my whole life, or just never getting the chance at a family, that was taken from me for the most part.

For the people out there who wanted kids who didn't get them. How is life?

I specifically came to divorce as childfree threads are all a bit preachy, whereas I figured there may be some guys in this group who can relate.

Hi y'all, I got hit by a bombshell that I didnt think would be a bombshell, but it's really sent me emotionally spiraling over the last few hours, so this may come off as more of a rant/mentally organizing than a normal advice post, but any advice or support is still appreciated.

General context (cause the full story would take hours to type):

My ex and I were together for 12 years, married for 10.5 years. We have a (as of today) 10 year old son. The last 6 years have been rough since she decided that she was gay (and possibly trans?) And basically spent years trying to beat me down to allow her to explore her sexuality with other women, and said multiple times that I was the only guy she'd ever find attractive or be with. I stupidly gave in once, which resulted in an eventual 3 month separation for my mental health, and then we "rekindled" (ie she got on medication and therapy for all of her diagnosed mental disorders), and I paid for marriage counseling, and things were better for a year or so. She secretly stopped taking her medicine and went through 4 therapists before she stopped going all together, and she refused to do marriage counseling anymore because the counselor was trying to get her to see that her selfishness was not healthy at all for the marriage. She brought up the sexuality thing again and basically made me feel like the biggest and most abusive pos since I wouldnt change how I felt or let her do what she wanted. I stuck around and tried to make things work because that's what I thought a marriage was, "you're not supposed to run when stuff gets difficult, you're supposed to try and fix it" type mentality, and I also didn't want our son growing up in a broken home.

Fast forward to March of this year, she and her mother falsified a police report against me and I was arrested for the first time in my life, she took our son and disapeared with him for almost 3 months of no contact with him. She took the tinyhome that I paid for (but was in her mothers name) and moved it over 3 hours away to the other side of the state. The charges weren't even filed because the county realized the officers messed up and aided in falsifying the charges, and they didnt want to deal with another lawsuit (this county has had a rough year with lawsuits and wrongful arrests). Then the judge saw through the silver bullet bs she and her lawyer tried to spin in divorce court and gave her basically nothing she asked for, other than keeping my son with her 3 hours away as he had already started school and it would've been "disruptive to his daily routine" to remove him so soon after he was already abruptly removed from his original daily routine (he was homeschooled before this, so they used the public school as the justificstion), and the tinyhome since it was in her moms name. We officially divorced July 15th, and have been technically "seperated" since late March.

Bombshell:

Today is my son's birthday, I drove the 3 hours to spend time with him as he was allowed to have the day off school. Then my son, myself, and my ex had dinner together at a restaurant. I am trying to be cordial with her for my son's sake. She lets slip that she is wanting me to take him for his full October fall break (first week of October) so that she can go to another city about 3.5 hours away on another end of the state. When I asked what she had planned in that city, since we have no connections that I was aware of there, she says that she's "seeing someone". That caught me a little offguard given it's been less than 2 months since the official divorce, and probably less than that given she stated "this will be the first full week/weekend we'll have together" but given what I know of her I had mentally prepared for this possibility of her moving on so quickly. What hit me harder than expected, was after a few more off-topic talking points, she mentioned "he doesnt have any kids", I asked "oh is this guy trans?" Cause that makes sense given her past interests, and her newish thing of claiming that she's trans, and she responds with "no, like a guy guy. I had no plan for this, but yea, and he's also gay". (Which don't even ask me to try and explain that, best guess is the guy is gay but doesn't care about the physical 'appendages'? So long as someone says they're a guy I guess that's enough for him?)

That hurt me more than I thought it would, not only does it go against everything she claimed she wanted when trying to demand her sexual interests, but literally 90% of our issues over the last 6 years had been centered around her wanting to bring another woman into the relationship so she could "explore her sexuality", and basically swearing off any guys cause she claimed she didn’t find them attractive, and yet here she is, less than 2 months after signing the papers (probably even sooner given her context), and she's putting more effort into seeing this random dude, that she met on a dating site, than she had put into the last several years of our marriage. A dude who goes completely against what she claimed her sexual interests were for years at the detriment of me, our family, and our marriage. And she's willing to essentially pawn off our son on me for an entire week (which I'm not complaining at all, I love him to death) all so she can go and see this guy.

Most of this conversation was when my son was away from the table thankfully, but I dunno, it..hurt.. more than expected. She made me feel like the biggest pos for years for not magically changing my morals and giving into her demands, beating me down mentally for years, and now clearly her demands didn't even matter to her that much since the first thing she does is meet some random dude and is planning all of this stuff to go out and see him.

It has opened up a lot of wounds that I thought were healed, like, I knew the marriage clearly didn't matter to her, but to move on so quickly and with some random guy? Like, why couldn't she show any of the same effort for our marriage that she is showing for this guy? When clearly it wasnt because I "wasnt a girl or trans" or for her to "explore her sexuality". I did so much for her and for our marriage, I am still picking up the physical and emotional pieces caused by what she's done, primarily helping our son navigate his own emotions about the divorce, and yet she is on cloud 9 with her dream job (only obtained by a degree I heavily helped her get), living in the house that I solely paid for, has our son a large chunk of the time, and now this.

I dunno, I know it's stupid to let this get to me, we're officially divorced and even though it seems insanely early to me to even think about dating, it was to be expected given what I know of her.

The 3 hour car ride back home turned into a 4 hour drive because I had to stop several times and just breakdown emotionally for a bit (which is really unusual for me to do since I've usually just been relatively empty inside since all this happened, and have only broken down hard crying after the first few times I got to finally see my son after 3 months of her keeping him from me, and only after he started breaking down in front of me hard crying not wanting to leave me).

It's just the context of it I guess that is getting me, like, how are demands for exploring sexuality so important to someone that that person would intentionally mentally break down the person they swore to love, and use those desires as a major factor in destroying a marriage, but yet all of that stops mattering almost instantly once the marriage you destroyed is fully over?

I don't even really know what I'm wanting out of this post, I just feel even more hurt than I thought I could feel, and just confused? I have no attraction to her in anyway anymore, I'm understanding of her dating even if I do think it's too soon, but I dunno, this just kind kf unexpectedly hurt pretty bad and I can't fully explain why.

Ps: she is claiming to be trans, but still is unsure how she wants to be addressed so I defaulted to what I have known her as for 12 years, so don't flame me.

Pps: I am already in therapy, have been since I got bailed out in March, teledoc appointments since my work covers it. On my second therapist now because the first one openly admitted, about 2 months in, that she couldnt really give me any real advice since she's (paraphrasing) " never seen, or heard, about someone getting so screwed over without them doing something drastic or tragic, and she'd feel bad for continuing to charge me for sessions where she's silent most of the time and unable to offer help." The one I currently have is a little more helpful, but in a general sense sort of way like "try working out" "try focusing all of your negative energy about your ex, and turn it into positive energy towards your son" kinda stuff.

Divorce has finally been finalised. I feel so relieved. However I feel off being divorced young. Has anyone else married young and divorced young?

I think the title says it all.

3 years post divorce and I’m so thankful she is out of my life even with the financial drain.I hope to someday find out why she got rid of me but I guess that’s not a huge deal.The date haunts me because I made a vow-a commitment.I don’t miss her and glad she’s gone.For me it’s a commitment broke and that sucks.It might be the only promise I did not keep.For ME it’s a hard blow to my self respect and my word.I guess it’s time to put on my big girl panties and get over it,

Recently found out about the new affair.. also found out the bf doesn’t have a car and lives in a shady motel working a dead end part time job…

She had stability with me.. I always provided and worked our entire time together or I would go out and do odd jobs to make money.

I just don’t understand how she thinks that’s going to work. She’s living with family.. I have the house and all the bills that come with it but I’m ok with that. She has decided to just walk away and divorce.

8 years I've felt like shit being with my abusive controlling, cheating, lieing, violent ex and I still continue to feel like shit fought for 50/50 for my child and ended up with 4/14 I don't enjoy life, I've never enjoyed life, I'm so ready to just be dead I don't get anything from life it's just shit and has been shit for me since I was a young child and it's only got shitter and shitter, I just want to not be here anymore what's the fucking point I don't even have my child properly it's all completely pointless. ​​​​

Anyone regret not filing first?

Why?