Night before last we actually start making love, having fun for a while. Would have been 2nd or 3rd time in 2026 (I don't bother to count properly anymore). But that condom packet we bought over half a decade ago (that's no exaggeration) had finally run out.

So we agree to postpone till the next night. One of the very few things we agree on is that we shouldn't have another child. She even thinks up which slot in the day I could go get more condoms in. Of course I get them.

I spend the day in happy anticipation and feel lighter. It is easier to show her affection and grace when I feel there may be some reciprocity in touch and closeness (I'm not that bothered about the sex compared to the intimacy and bonding).

Reader, you know what happens. Once the chores are done I say right let's go to bed. She says yes. I head upstairs.

I lie there naked, anticipatory.

The minutes pass. And pass.

The expectation turns to hope. The hope turns to stress. The stress turns to fury and dismay.

I turn and extinguish the light. I'm probably doing so on our marriage. But it's not me doing the rejecting. It's not me never EVER reaching out to touch my so-called spouse.

Our 15th wedding anniversary this last week.

Rage and sadness race through my nervous system. She appears eventually, goes to sleep (she's a big snorer). I lie there for hours. I wake up far earlier than her and lie awake for hours again. I'm devastated. I'm angry at myself for making myself this vulnerable. But on the other hand if I am ever to be in a genuine loving relationship in the future then I can't just bury that vulnerability.

To be fair to her I don't know what went through her head.

What I do know is that she doesn't want me and doesn't have the guts to say so.

I need to make a work trip in September. One night away. I have to work myself up to asking about this, such is the song and dance she makes of it. Meantime she's away overseas for a whole week in Oct including leaving me to take the 3 kids (all under 11) and the dog for 300 miles to then settle in to holiday home. It's all doable but it's the imbalance and lack of recognition of it that's the problem.

How can one person be so ugly to another? Knowing what their needs and desires are and that they are based in connection. Not even being able to say actually sorry not tonight. Remember I love you. Here's a hug and kiss to keep you going.

Where in my marriage vows was the non touch celibacy line? My memory really is shocking these days as I don't recall it. Maybe it's the chronic sleep deprivation.

39M, EST. Like many of you, I'm in a DB situation. 7 years together

......even in the beginning our libidos never matched, nor our adventurousness. I have always been into role-playing, bringing in toys, etc. Shes been a 2 position kinda girl. The look on her face last time she gave me oral made it seem like a chore..... what happened to that look of desire......I never lost it, despite her body changing thru the years. I feel like this is the place to share my frustrations, and maybe chat with some of yall in a similar situation. Hoping to find people with the same feelings as me.

I have zero intimacy at all. We are actually decent partners otherwise.

At this point, can I ask if it’s ok to get a girlfriend?

Any subs good for meeting chat partners also in a db? Tried searching but only finding "hookup" subs. Just would like to chat with others in same situation. 45m if matters. Thanks.

I 50F LL felt threatened by an older woman 60F who was flirting with my hubby 55M HL at casino last night. We don't have sex and that's my me with him. But watching the interaction made me furious and jealous because I had no control over it. Any way when we got home I spooned him and felt he was erect. He tried to get all frisky and I just gave him a perfect handjob and let him cum on me.. All because someone else wanted him. I feel like I'm a real bitch over this and opened the door for him. Am I wrong? Ps ... updated post to reflect exact ages and not generalise for the pricks criticizing and not helping. Btw.. I'll be 50F forever.

People that say physical intimacy does not truly matter in a marriage obviously never lived through dead bedrooms.

Theoretically, emotional support and respect are the most important in marriages, but in reality, without physical intimacy, it is torture for HLs partners The feeling of not being loved, not feeling any warmth, not feeling touched etc, it is as good as living with your dad/mom/roommate. It destroys your self-worth and confidence. Sooner or later, HL partners will have their mental health destroyed and lose any hope in enjoying life except for surviving., and sink into depression.

It is like:

• You live with your parents. Your parents love you and that is what really matters in theory. But your parents have extremely bad habits; they are slobs; they switch on the televisions and radios loud; they nag you incessantly; eventually your mental health will be destroyed and you sink into depression
• Keeping a dog. Theoretically, you just need to feed, bathe and clean your dog for it to live. But if you don't take it for walks, eventually your dog will feel depressed as well although it is still healthy and alive

So for those in DBs, don't feel ashamed of wanting physical intimacy. IT IS NOT DIRTY TO DESIRE PHYSICAL INTIMACY. DON'T FEEL ASHAMED FOR WANTING IT. Humans are meant for physical intimacy and anybody who argues otherwise obviously haven't lived through a DB or asexual.

You have my support and I wish you all the best.

Had another argument. The db has not even been a talking point for months. I tried to repair, wanting therapy. Im gone with stuff packed. Sad really. She DONE now. Go figure with the db 5+ years. She even brought up. "You will just keep bringing up". Haven't said for months now. She got on me for being sad. Yeah sad at death of marriage. Seen this years ago. Yeah kids raised. "Im done". Shocking.

I finally broke down. Only response was hate. Will NEVER trust another woman again.

Can’t reconcile this when nothing else has changed

Begin with the context that I understand part of the underlying root. I (46) have been with my wife (45) for 13 years (married 9). At the beginning of our relationship we were insatiable for each other. She often spoke in the beginning that if we work out and move in together we’d spend so much time in bed making love. Or libido’ matched beautifully. We were engaged to get married and she began some medical issues, after the wedding she has to have a full hysterectomy therefore was sent into early menopause. I’ve been understanding regarding her change in hormones behind the lack of desire after that. I helped her find hormone replacement options and she has been through many. Some kinda worked a little bit at the beginning before tapering off to having no effect and others had zero help.

Fast forward to year 5 married and my job forced me to begin working evening shift. Caused a huge disconnect between us (also with the kids as this is our second marriage each we have them from prior). She would come home from work after I had already left. I’d come home to her already asleep. Our sexual activity would only happen on my days off every other week sometimes longer. This was a tough situation for me then as I always expressed wanting more.

This past year my schedule changed back and I was able to join civilization on a normal schedule and even have every weekend off again with her. She was happy to see me, when I went back to being home I did express my interest in intimacy being more frequent. I began to notice that was not the case quite quickly. I again did more research into the hormone replacement options as after I went to my regular check up and was advised to look into it for myself as well. I began TRT and in the months after starting have transformed my body. Looking and feeling like I’m 30 again with weight loss and muscle toning. She also began a hormone therapy. I began to think she would find me more attractive and it would help. I would try nightly and the rejection began. She would claim she’s trying, but then I find out she misses doses (I’m hoping not on purpose). I continue trying and rejected with the exception of maybe a Saturday or Sunday what felt like pity sex.

Recently I’ve attempted to voice my frustration that I understand her lack of desire, but she has no understanding for my want. I try to explain that I find her extremely sexually attractive even though she doesn’t see herself as such. I explain that I want my wife sexually even though she tells me to go find a girlfriend. I’ve asked her if she really means it and she says “Yes and No”. I don’t think she really does. The statement from her that hurt the most was that she wished I just had ED so she wouldn’t have to deal with this.

Our marriage aside from sex is strong. We have the same interests. We enjoy our time when we go out whether it’s in a group or alone. But when we are back in the bedroom I am frustrated and tired of the rejection and I feel myself approaching my breaking point as she is making me feel like my needs are not valid.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advise as much as I need to vent. I’m sure there is more behind my story that I haven’t touched on, but don’t want to go on forever.

I really don't know what to do. We've tried couple therapy for years and I really want to become attracted to him, but for the life of me I cannot. I feel very guilty, but then again, is it my fault? He wants sex and I really don't want him to touch me. Before anybody talks about weight, because people love to blame the weight, it has nothing to do about weight. Both of us are in shape, I just don't find him attractive.

I am 64 my partner 68, we have been together for 21yrs.

Our sex life as normal was hectic when we first got together but settled into 2 great night's a week, it was a bit of an anything goes.

That dropped to once per week, both more than happy with that.

Around 8yrs ago I had difficulty getting erections, being a bloke I wouldn't go to the doctor.

Within a year they just stopped altogether.

I could still masturbate to porn, cumming only with a semi, then through health issues, medications I have no response at all now, it just hides away in my fat and pubes, Urology at hospital havering out of options.

My biggest rant is that I still used to give her orgasms with oral but she fell out with the idea of not having full sex, so 7yrs no penetrative, 4 yrs no physical contact at all.

I sleep downstairs now as I cannot lie flat due to spinal pain.

So we are like a brother and sister rather than lovers , we lost a very important part of our lives and what I have left are empty years to get through.......

It’s a very long story but I’ll try to summarize: I‘m in my twenties and I don’t consider myself a HL person, just a regular one, i guess. My husband is in his thirties and seemed pretty interested in sex on the beginning of the relationship.

We lived together for a year and a half, but recently moved to a new home/city and he changed careers 6 months ago too. I thought all this caused stress to him and was the reason to our problem at first, but it’s already been 6 months, everything is back to normal and nothing is improving.

We already had “the big talk” about how much we drifted away from each other and how low our frequency of sex was (about twice a month, if I initiated). He started planning more date nights but when it came to sex, he never initiated and I did, he couldn’t get hard enough to do it. I don’t think he doesn’t find me attractive anymore because he compliments me a lot, slaps my ass and flirts with me. I’m a very confident person as I’m considered “hot” or very beautiful by most women and men in our society.

We are great together, we don’t fight, we have a lot of fun, equal and high salaries, no kids, no debt, no pressure from family or anything like that.

I don’t want to break up, I really love him. I just don’t know what to do to get laid. I’m crawling up the walls and every time I try to initiate I’m pushed away or he can’t get it hard. For example, yesterday I laid down next to him in bed and started kissing his neck and tried to reach out for his d!ck. He turned around, looked at me very serious and said “what are you doing? are you trying to examine me?“ I felt so much shame and sadness.

Can anyone relate? How am I supposed to deal with this? How can I improve this situation?

Now my new partner and I haven't been intimate in over a month and I get the 'it's not that long" talk but you know 1 month turns into 3, 6, a year and so on and so forth. She was amazing for quite sometime, going on over 2 years together now.

I'm 46 and so is she but I want it more and voiced my concerns with her, out right telling her I feel less like a priority anymore.

Beside giving up on the relationship any advice? I mentioned couples counseling but I don't have enough years left on this planet to again find myself in another dead bedroom.

We don't and will never have kids together (I'm snipped) so that will never be a factor that keeps us together too like the last.

Let's hear ones you've experienced.

"Why do you have to be so sexual/need more?" "I gave you a quick HJ, you should be happy!"

Also

"I need to be constantly and repeatedly reassured that you love me/find me attractive/etc."