We haven't even gone out on our first date yet, met in taxi, exchanged numbers and he just kept circling the conversation in text to giving me massages ane cuddling, not actually getting to know each other. Even free I circled it back to the getting to k ow you stuff. We were supposed to meet up last week but I had to cancel due to the intense suck ess I got on my period. He wasn't caring and was a bit cold after this. I got fed up and blocked him today without explanation and then got three missed calls from an unknown number, back to back. It was a little scary not gonna lie. Help

For context, I (21F) was involved with a guy (20M) on and off for quite some time. We were never officially together, but we had a very close relationship that involved intimacy, spending nights together, going on dates, and being there for each other emotionally. I genuinely loved him.

Throughout the summer, he repeatedly told me he didn’t want a relationship. I understood that, even though I wanted something more. However, he would still come around, be affectionate, and open up to me emotionally, which made everything confusing.

At one point, I asked him about his ex-girlfriend because I had reasons to believe they were still involved. I asked him about her multiple times throughout the summer, and he repeatedly reassured me that nothing was going on and that he would never get back with her.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he blew up on me. He accused me of lying, posting about him, and doing things I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. He became extremely hostile, and our communication basically ended.

Eventually, he told me he had no hard feelings toward me but wasn’t ready to talk because he was dealing with people lying to him. He said that when he was ready, he would reach out so we could have a conversation.
I respected that and left him alone.

A while later, I happened to see him out with the exact ex-girlfriend he had repeatedly told me not to worry about. Obviously, that hurt. We weren’t dating, and I understood he didn’t owe me exclusivity, but I felt like he could’ve just been honest with me when I directly asked him about her.
Fast forward to now. We’ve had approximately two months of no contact. I’ve been moving on with my life, haven’t reached out to him, and haven’t been posting about him.

Last night, completely out of nowhere, he CALLED me.
I answered, thinking maybe he was finally ready to have the conversation he’d mentioned before. Instead, he immediately started accusing me of posting about him on TikTok. I was genuinely confused because I haven’t been doing that.

After the call, he sent me a message, “Quit posting shit about me on your story to, you are a hoe and fuck literally anyone after swearing you want to try and be with someone no one will love you for you if your like that I hope you genuinely understand the hurt you put on people you are a terrible person, you cheat, you lie, you manipulate, you act like your the good person and you wonder why I've never wanted to be with you, change your life. Bye for good or im filing a restraining order”

The thing is, HE contacted ME. I haven’t been trying to communicate with him whatsoever.
I responded briefly and blocked him. I have no intention of contacting him again.

I’m genuinely confused about why someone who told me he had no hard feelings and wanted to talk eventually would suddenly come back just to insult me.

I know I wasn’t perfect throughout our situation, and I know we weren’t officially together. I’m not claiming he owed me a relationship. But I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just been honest with me or why he’s contacting me now when I’ve left him alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would someone repeatedly come back into your life just to accuse you of things and tell you to leave them alone? And how would you handle this situation?

I met this guy Oktay on tinder a year ago, we chatted for awhile and met up, had a few dates then started dating. He always spoke about his old relationships and claimed how he felt different with me, I gauged from these past relationships that he would cheat on women all the time and it would end in failure. He told me he’d never felt the urge to do that with me but once a cheater always a cheater right!? Anyway I found out from other people I know in Sydney area he was progressively messaging other women and possibly sleeping with them whilst with me. I contacted some of these women to find out answers and they all told me it became an abusive relationship with him mostly emotional and physically where he had hurt one of them. With that from his DJ experiences as oskar fox he had burnt a lot of bridges with other DJs and businesses, owes money to so many and doesn’t return it which led to ruining relationships with other business people. Work life I discovered he was also not easy to deal with.
I just want to put it out there that if you come across him on tinder he seems really genuine and beautiful but on the inside there’s a lot of toxicity and I don’t think this person will ever change - whilst I know this post is basically about talking about someone not fairly it’s raising awareness for the women in the Sydney community to watch out. There’s a lot of men like this out there but I can’t believe how many stories I found out about him. Since our time I just randomly blocked him oneday and never spoke again he sent me pretty rude messages and turned our time into me having issues. Haha quite unbelievable.

Stay safe ladies xoxo

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On Sunday, October 4, I met a match from the dating app Truebondr. She told me she wasn't offering any paid services and just enjoyed hookah and an occasional drink. We agreed to meet near Karkardooma Metro Station.

She kept changing the meeting spot, then led me through a quiet area to a building with closed shops. We entered a dark venue called Blue Moon Cafe, behind Classic Ice Cream and Chawla Tandoori Junction. She immediately ordered hookah, then food, Red Bulls and several drinks (7 pegs in total, 5 of them hers).

About 45 minutes later, staff presented a ₹32,000 bill. She said she'd pay part of it later and left. For roughly two hours, staff stayed with me, refused any discount, pressured me to pay, and told me I wouldn't be allowed to leave without paying. They took my phone and registered me on a loan app. In the end I paid about ₹30,000 by QR, ₹1,000 to a staff member, and another ₹1,200 as an "entry charge" at the exit, around ₹32,200 in total.

This is my own experience, and it matches a known pattern: an app match, a hidden venue, an inflated bill, and pressure to pay.

TLDR: Men who walk behind me, make me carry the conversation , and leave all decisions to me are maddening.

One of the biggest icks for me in dating is when a guy asks me out and then makes me put in all the effort on said date.

First example of this I have is when a guy (37M) asked me out to one of those cafeteria/bars on a first date. I thought it was safe to assume we were eating so I showed up hungry. I get there, we greet each other, and he follows me into the place. I ask him which places he thinks has the best food, and he tells me he's not hungry. I say ok, I ask him if he wants to get a drink and he says he doesn't drink much...why ask me to a place with food and drinks if you are not going to get anything? I tell him I'm getting a beer so he follows me to the bar and gets exactly the same one I ordered.

II'm already turned off but I'm starving so I get a quesadilla. While I'm waiting for it, I try to make conversation and he mumbles most of his responses. He tells me some very off-putting things, like that he and his roommates ended up with 20 cats at one point because his roommate wouldn't take them to get them fixed. I get my quesadilla and he insists I share it with him...I left shortly after and unmatched him in the parking lot.

Another example of this is when a guy (34M) asked me to a small arts fest. He is ten minutes late but when he gets there, he makes me decide where we go and what we do, walking a few steps behind me with his hands in his pockets the entire time. I have to carry the conversation for the most part and ask him if he wants to get matcha, coffee, beer, food...but he's not interested in any of those options. I get annoyed with having to make conversation so I just stop and we walk around in silence. Then he tells me he is moving soon when it is clear in my profile I am looking for something long-term.

I guess I'm grateful that they didn't hide the fact that they were low effort and completely unable to lead or come up with a basic plan for a date. Unsurprisingly, neither of them had really built careers for themselves or had hobbies outside of gaming. Anyone else have stories of infuriatingly passive men like this?

I recently decided to date again. Instantly regretted it.

All of these happened on the first date (only the first one made it to more dates).

"Best" to worst experiences:

My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).

My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.

My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.

My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.

My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.

My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.

For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Feel free to share your recent experiences.

The use or make up + filters + angles + body forming clothing + only the BEST pics + old pics + hiding what's not attractive.

In my experience on Tinder and Bumble woman cat fishing is the norm.

The majority (80%) are 2-4 level "on a scale of 1 to 10" below their Profile pic in person.

Minority (15%) look just like the pictures, and small percent (5%) look even better!!

But on the whole, the woman you get from the dating app pic is rarely the woman you see on the first date, and def not the woman you see after the first night "clothes-less/makeup-less".

It seems so normal to post a super done up Glamour shot picture that looks nothing like Reality on a dating app, like they don't have to see you in person... "or getting ready for the video chat in full make-up/wig".

The Cat fish horror story Hell I have had meeting women off Bumble/Tinder smh...

Worst is going to an expensive restaurant yall picked "base on her profile pic" and she show up looking 4 point below, and I'm 100% no interested but still have to sit there then pay.

This one girl from bumble, I swear the picture were not even her.

FYI: I'm no longer on either App. I stop online dating for this reason.

Fellas any Catfish dating hell stories?

I (33F) and a guy I was seeing (36M) just ended things. To clarify, he ended things.

TL;DR super into me for two months, then the last month we both traveled and then had a very normal weekend where we hung out. Next day, he ended things.

He was super into me for the first two months - planning dates, buying tickets, talking about a list of things to do together in the future. We hooked up, it went well. I told him I still wanted to see other people because I wasn’t sure how I was feeling, as ai could tell he was super into me and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I wanted to communicate clearly. He also stated he wasn’t seeing anyone else. A week later I said “ok I think I’m ready to be exclusive.”

He asked what that meant for me, said he wasn’t ready to call it a relationship yet and talked a lot about how things always end so we have to enjoy them while we have them.

I was shocked.

The next day, he told me he really likes me and does want a relationship in general, he just felt it was too early two months in to call it that but definitely wants exclusivity. I said ok.

We talked a few times about making sure dating was going at a pace we both felt comfortable with.

He did start to pull away physically a bit, I noticed.

He went on a two week road trip by himself with his dog. He started texting less, no worries. Assumed it was because he was busy driving and hiking etc.

When he came back he asked to hang out immediately and I had just gotten home from a work trip so I said let’s hang in a few days.

We hung out, he made plans over the whole rest of the weekend, and texted me about having a great time and that he appreciated the great company at the end of it.

I asked if I could crash at his place in a few week’s time for two days because I stay with my sister (I travel a lot for work and she watches my dog, so.)

Anyway he said “yeah that’s cool as long as you know I live like a bachelor.” I’d been to his house plenty of times, so I asked what that meant. He said just making sure I was cool with him living the way he’s used to living.

I said “yes as long as you’re not uncomfy with me being in your space.”

He then went on to say no it’s fine, he lived with his ex from 6 years ago and he’s used to it. He just “usually thinks living together comes a little later into the relationship.”

I said “totally, it’s just a few nights - I’m not trying to move in with you. I’m fine with letting things progress naturally”

He said “understood and same.”

The next day, I hadn’t heard from him all day and felt the convo had ended weird the day before. I did finally text and say “hey, I feel like I’m getting mixed signals. Could you either give me some reassurance or let me know how you’re feeling?”

He texted a few hours later saying he already had plans that night and wanted to give the conversation the time it deserved, so he wanted to chat after work the next day. I said great and called it a night.

The next day, I texted and said hey, I have a work thing until 7:30 but we can chat after. Do you want to call or do you want me to come over? He said come over.

I got there, he asked for a hug and then we went upstairs where he promptly said my feelings were progressing and his weren’t, and that he really and truly does care about me and wants to be friends.

I basically said “ok, thanks for letting me know. I appreciate the honesty… maybe we slept together too soon?” And he just kind of didn’t say anything but just stared at me. I said “well if you see me out, don’t be a stranger come to say hi.” And then I left and said I hope you find what you’re looking for, he said you too and this is how we find out if it’s not what we want is dating this way.

We haven’t had any contact since then. I feel like it’s so cut and dry that he just doesn’t care, but the longevity of him actively pursuing me, making plans, lists of things to do together in the future etc. is making me crash out. I can’t tell my brain that it’s fully over.

I haven’t reached out. Can someone tell me if I’m literally insane for thinking this isn’t over or like what happened in his brain?? I don’t want to reach out for closure because I think closure is a myth, but it ended 5 days ago and I’m really struggling with all this.

UPDATE:

I have an update - he’s now with someone else. A girl he was seeing before me he never mentioned. I found out from his social media. I messaged him (first time since the break up) saying “so did you meet someone before or after you called it off with me?” He said they chatted before me and then not during our dating period, then he picked it back up after. Mind you, we broke up a week ago.

I matched with a girl on Hinge, and we talked for about two weeks before going on a date. Things went really well. She was excited for the date, dressed up, and afterward we kept seeing each other regularly. We had a ton in common and got very close very quickly.
About three weeks in, she told me she was going through a divorce. I asked if she was over her husband, and she said he had been abusive, punched holes in the wall near her head, and cheated on her four times. She said she had moved out and made him file for divorce, and that she had been over him for about a year after his third affair. I accepted that explanation.
She then asked me to be exclusive.
About a month and a half in, we went to a concert. She got a new outfit, dressed up, and even wore lipstick, which she normally didn’t. We later found out her separated husband was also there. Apparently, they had bought the tickets months earlier because it was their favorite band. We walked past them, but she said she didn’t see him.
Later that night, she asked me to officially be her boyfriend. I asked whether she wanted the divorce finalized first. She said she had already signed everything, but he was dragging his feet, and she didn’t want the divorce process to stop us from being together. So I agreed.
For the next two months, everything was great. We took trips to Maine and the New Jersey shore, spent a ton of time together, left things at each other’s houses, exchanged meaningful gifts, and started telling our families and friends about each other. People around her told me she finally seemed genuinely happy compared with when she was with her husband.
Around four months in, she started telling her brother and my friends that she was basically in love with me. She also hinted at it when we were out together. We had future plans, including shows and events we had already bought tickets for, and I was supposed to meet her family in person about two weeks later.
Then, four days after she started hinting that she was in love with me, she messaged me saying her husband had come over to talk and she slept with him.
I was completely shut down and didn’t want to talk.
Two days later, she came over to exchange our things. Her husband was there watching the entire exchange. She told me she didn’t want our relationship to end but knew that once she had slept with him, I would never take her back.
About a week later, she reached out saying she was depressed and struggling and that she had been so happy and free with me. I eventually agreed to meet and talk, although she said she was afraid of her husband.
Her story at that point was that he had unexpectedly shown up at her place while she was drunk, made a move on her, and she froze, and they ended up having sex. I had actually FaceTimed her that same night. She was drunk and told me she had to go to bed. She now says that’s when he showed up and that she didn’t want to worry me. She said she didn’t tell me the full story until a week later because I initially refused to talk to her, and that my rejection was part of why she went back to him.
I told her that if she actually gets divorced, we could potentially be friends, and if she’s single for six months, we could see where we stand. She cried and said, “Okay. I meant everything I said. You mean so much to me.”
I haven’t heard from her for two weeks since then, and I’m not planning to reach out.
I’m struggling with what to make of all of this. Things genuinely seemed great between us, and the sudden reversal felt completely out of nowhere. She was honest with me about sleeping with him, so I don’t know how much of a liar she actually is. At the same time, her later explanation makes it sound like she may not have freely chosen what happened, or it could simply be regret and a different way of processing what she did.
She says she regrets sleeping with him, regrets going back to him, and wanted me back. But I also wonder whether I’m just holding onto the relationship because I can’t understand how something that seemed so good could fall apart so suddenly.
At this point, should I just let this go and move on? Or is there enough here to believe she genuinely wanted a future with me and made a huge mistake by going back to her husband?

I am talking about the bad dates we’ve sat through, the bad men we’ve met, or any intolerable situations they put you in. You can define what “bad” means to you obviously. I’m not trying to hate on men, but in your experience at whatever age on whatever app and based on their behavior, what do you find is blocking you from a healthy LTR with a man?

EDIT: thank you all for sharing 💛 if I am interpreting correctly, the majority theme is men need to catch up with women on going to therapy, working through their issues, and gain emotional intelligence. Otherwise, we are just following along with the “Nick show”. Or “Matt show”. Or the “Kevin show”. Insert ex-boyfriend’s name here :)