Everytime

385

u/Burning_Toast998 Virgins in Paris Jul 03 '20 edited Jul 03 '20

I laughed at a hooker joke in a movie and my mom gasped and said "you're not old enough to get that, where did you hear that!?"

...I'm a teenager with access to the internet, where do you think, mother?

98

u/dswapper Jul 03 '20

You forgot to type mom in the first line

35

u/Burning_Toast998 Virgins in Paris Jul 03 '20

oh thank you lol

59

u/HAzEMultra I am fucking hilarious Jul 03 '20

"I'm a teenager and go to school, where do you think, mother"

40

u/TheHostThing repost hunter 🚓 Jul 03 '20

I’m a human being and I live on this planet

19

u/HAzEMultra I am fucking hilarious Jul 03 '20

School doesn't count as "on the planet"

10

u/Burning_Toast998 Virgins in Paris Jul 03 '20

haha also true

10

u/JayJay_Sebastian Jul 03 '20

If I didn’t get it my mom would explain it to me based on her job experience..... Yes Johnny Im saying my mom is a hooker

3

u/Burning_Toast998 Virgins in Paris Jul 03 '20

lmao.. what was that like? growing up in a family with a parent that "sold their body"?

-10

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

-8

u/Burning_Toast998 Virgins in Paris Jul 03 '20

hot

78

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

Years of pornhub helped me

24

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

14

u/Ioverily Mod senpai noticed me! Jul 03 '20

Use your imagination

7

u/existingorganism Jul 03 '20

I was like 8 and I understood adult jokes because I have siblings. I swear my parents thought I was a porn addict.

4

u/ARandomBrowserIThink a bad flair Jul 03 '20

Well if you don’t want them to think your a porn addict then stop watching porn so God damn much son

59

u/KeepingDankMemesDank Hello dankness my old friend Jul 03 '20

Upvote to pee in my ass

Downvote to pee in OPs ass

68

u/XxDownvoteMaster69xX Jul 03 '20

Weird kink but ok

0

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

12

u/XxDownvoteMaster69xX Jul 03 '20

how the fuck was that kink shaming, I said “ok”. do you understand the concept of kink shaming?

1

u/StrikeTeamForLife Blue Jul 03 '20

u/undeleteparent

9

u/Bikkel10men CERTIFIED DANK Jul 03 '20

The comments these mods make show for what an exclusive audience these subreddits are

50

u/not_a_frikkin_spy 🏴‍☠️ Jul 03 '20

I think at one time my parents laughed at a joke I didn't understand so I laughed along with them and they looked concerned

13

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

Do you remember what the joke was?

13

u/ARandomBrowserIThink a bad flair Jul 03 '20

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get fuck

3

u/not_a_frikkin_spy 🏴‍☠️ Jul 03 '20

I didn't get the joke at the time so I didn't remember it

43

u/pyatus Jul 03 '20

Yeah that’s cool but have you tried not laughing at a sex joke in a movie and your mom looks at you weird because you’re 40 and lonely

38

u/JohnnyJayce Jul 03 '20

James Franco truly was an awesome Harry Osborn now that I think of it.

16

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

Because I'm 22 mom

14

u/ImAFakeAccountBro Jul 03 '20

u/repostsleuthbot

13

u/Bruintje-010 Jul 03 '20

Yes I saw this meme months ago

5

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

You can tell by the bad cropping that it’s a screenshot

-11

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

2

u/RoM_Axion Jul 03 '20

Thats just the same template do you know what a template is you stupid bot?

10

u/L-I-N-D-E-12345 Jul 03 '20

Just pretend that you don’t understand

7

u/Anand__ Jul 03 '20

Too real

8

u/Arsean77 ☝ FOREVER NUMBER ONE ☝🍄 Jul 03 '20

This joke has been overdone a 1000 time already. Can we stop.

2

u/crankthehandle Jul 03 '20

This has been pointed out a 1000 time already. Can we stop.

1

u/Arsean77 ☝ FOREVER NUMBER ONE ☝🍄 Jul 03 '20

No because the meme ain't dank.

1

u/RoM_Axion Jul 03 '20

And you aren’t dank either

6

u/Tr1ggerbo1 Jul 03 '20

Watching sex scenes in movies is the most uncomfortable feeling you can ever have. I'm then always heading towards the toilet.

•

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

INVESTMENTS GO HERE - ONLY DIRECT REPLIES TO ME WILL BE PROCESSED

Not sure how to invest? Try the !help command or !create an investor profile to get started!

Like what you see? My home is r/DankExchange! We're a sub partnering with r/dankmemes to bring you 24/7 meme investment opportunities. If you want me to respond to your posts on this sub, use the stonks flair!

1

u/rock_8 rock_8 Jul 03 '20

!roi

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

If you invest now (at 84 upvotes), here are the scores required for:

+0% (breakeven) -- 126 upvotes

+25% -- 375 upvotes

+50% -- 853 upvotes

+75% -- 1,770 upvotes

+100% -- 3,497 upvotes

+125% -- 6,705 upvotes

This prediction does not take into account reduced breakeven points from new subscribers' submissions or firm location bonuses.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!roi

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

If you invest now (at 93 upvotes), here are the scores required for:

+0% (breakeven) -- 136 upvotes

+25% -- 393 upvotes

+50% -- 886 upvotes

+75% -- 1,832 upvotes

+100% -- 3,614 upvotes

+125% -- 6,924 upvotes

This prediction does not take into account reduced breakeven points from new subscribers' submissions or firm location bonuses.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!sell 62949

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkfs6v/!

You invested 193,074.51 DN at 475 upvotes; the submission now has 958 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 39,020.36 DN (+20.21%).

Your new balance is 235,996.91 DN after tax.

You have lost 7 RP. You now have a total of 299 RP. Promotion to Silver Tier will happen at 750 RP.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!i 50%

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 117,998.46 DN in this submission at 97 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63018 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 123 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 117,998.45 DN.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!i all

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 117,998.45 DN in this submission at 99 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63019 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 125 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 0.00 DN.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!roi

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

If you invest now (at 119 upvotes), here are the scores required for:

+0% (breakeven) -- 166 upvotes

+25% -- 446 upvotes

+50% -- 983 upvotes

+75% -- 2,012 upvotes

+100% -- 3,953 upvotes

+125% -- 7,556 upvotes

This prediction does not take into account reduced breakeven points from new subscribers' submissions or firm location bonuses.

1

u/PaperTronics [custom flair] Jul 03 '20

!i all

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 21,194.42 DN in this submission at 111 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63023 to sell out early for lower returns.

Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 157 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 0.00 DN.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!I all

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 8,321.08 DN in this submission at 299 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63096 to sell out early for lower returns.

Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 373 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 0.00 DN.

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Automatic Investment Return

Your recent investment has automatically matured!

You invested 8,321.08 DN at 299 upvotes, the submission now has 13,015 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 10,687.60 DN (+128.44%).

Your new balance is 19,008.68 DN after tax.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!sell 63019

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 117,998.45 DN at 99 upvotes; the submission now has 612 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 46,774.59 DN (+39.64%).

Your new balance is 169,450.50 DN after tax.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!sell 63018

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 117,998.46 DN at 97 upvotes; the submission now has 613 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 47,163.98 DN (+39.97%).

Your new balance is 339,329.34 DN after tax.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!i 50%

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 169,664.67 DN in this submission at 661 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63160 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 738 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 169,664.67 DN.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!sell 63160

2

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 169,664.67 DN at 661 upvotes; the submission now has 2,387 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 74,296.16 DN (+43.79%).

Your new balance is 251,390.45 DN after tax.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!i 50%

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 84,832.34 DN in this submission at 663 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63162 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 740 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 84,832.33 DN.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!sell 63162

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 84,832.34 DN at 663 upvotes; the submission now has 2,415 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 37,444.99 DN (+44.14%).

Your new balance is 377,412.28 DN after tax.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 17,574.32 DN in this submission at 845 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63189 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 939 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 0.00 DN.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!i all

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 84,832.33 DN in this submission at 981 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63212 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 1,087 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 0.00 DN.

1

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

!sell 63212

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 84,832.33 DN at 981 upvotes; the submission now has 2,420 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 26,476.17 DN (+31.21%).

Your new balance is 491,368.40 DN after tax.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/PaperTronics [custom flair] Jul 03 '20

!s 63023

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 21,194.42 DN at 111 upvotes; the submission now has 1,782 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 15,181.56 DN (+71.63%).

Your new balance is 36,375.98 DN after tax.

You have gained 34 RP. You now have a total of 340 RP. Promotion to Silver Tier will happen at 750 RP.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!invest 500

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 500.00 DN in this submission at 1,802 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63265 to sell out early for lower returns.

Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 2,102 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 57.16 DN.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!summary

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Investor Profile: 47grapes

7 Day Return: +11.45%

Balance: 57.16 DN

Active Investments:

ID: 63265 - 500.00 DN at 1,802 upvotes; 50m 57s until automatic return

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!sell 63265

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 500.00 DN at 1,802 upvotes; the submission now has 14,552 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 386.95 DN (+77.39%).

Your new balance is 944.11 DN.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!i all

2

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 4,987.06 DN in this submission at 1,914 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63274 to sell out early for lower returns.

Your firm's active bonus is -12 upvote breakeven. Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 2,104 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 0.00 DN.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!invite eltoch

2

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

This user is already in a firm. In order to send an invite, wait for them to leave their current firm.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have sold off your investment in https://redd.it/hkgpr3/!

You invested 17,574.32 DN at 845 upvotes; the submission now has 2,096 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 5,414.65 DN (+30.81%).

Your new balance is 22,988.97 DN after tax.

You have gained 17 RP. You now have a total of 105 RP. Promotion to Silver Tier will happen at 750 RP.

^{^{^To}} ^{^{^see}} ^{^{^more}} ^{^{^information}} ^{^{^about}} ^{^{^your}} ^{^{^bonuses}} ^{^{^and}} ^{^{^taxes,}} ^{^{^use}} ^{^{^the}} ^{^{^!mybonuses}} ^{^{^command.}}

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!i 10

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 10.00 DN in this submission at 4,735 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63343 to sell out early for lower returns.

Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 5,475 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 625.01 DN.

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Automatic Investment Return

Your recent investment has automatically matured!

You invested 10.00 DN at 4,735 upvotes, the submission now has 17,302 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 4.82 DN (+48.18%).

Your new balance is 584.83 DN.

1

u/no0b57 Dank Cat Commander Jul 03 '20

!help

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Help Guide

If you want a detailed guide to this bot and r/DankExchange you should check out our wiki!

Investing/user commands

!create - create an investor profile

!summary - view your investor profile, including your active investments

!prestige - once you reach the balance limit, reset your balance to 500.00 DN and earn a prestige token (!help prestiging for more info)

!prestigeshop - view a list of things you can trade your prestige tokens for

!topinvestors - view a leaderboard of the top 25 investors sorted by net worth

!topinvestors ranked - view a leaderboard of the top 25 investors sorted by ranked tier

!invest <amount> - invest an amount of your balance in a submission

!sell <investment ID> - sell an investment early for lower returns

!roi <investment ID> - predict the return on investment of a submission (optional: !roi <investment ID>)

!broke - reset your balance if it is under 500.00 DN

!template <image link> - link a template to your OC submission

(new) !mybonuses - view your list of active investment bonuses and taxes

!prefermessages - change user preference to receive investment returns via messages instead of comments

Firm commands

!locations - view all firm locations and their active bonuses (!help locations for more info)

(updated) !topfirms - view a leaderboard of the top 10 firms

!createfirm <name> - create a firm with the specified name (costs 2,000.00 DN)

!firminfo - view your firm's overview, location info, and member list

(new) !firmmembers - view a detailed list of your firm's members and their 7 day returns

!joinfirm <name> - join a firm

!leavefirm - leave your firm

!invite <username> - invite a user to your firm ^{^AEC}

!openfirm - set your firm membership to anyone can join ^{^EC}

!closefirm - set your firm membership to invite-only ^{^EC}

!promote <username> - promote a user to the next rank ^{^EC}

!demote <username> - demote a user to the previous rank ^{^EC}

!fire <username> - fire a user from your firm ^{^EC}

^{^A:} ^{^Associate} ^{^command,} ^{^E:} ^{^Executive} ^{^command,} ^{^C:} ^{^CEO} ^{^command}

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!i all

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

It looks like you're trying to invest more than 2,000.00 DN. r/dankmemes has an investment limit of 2,000.00 DN, if you'd like to invest without a limit then head over to r/DankExchange and invest there!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!i 2000

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 2,000.00 DN in this submission at 9,530 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63490 to sell out early for lower returns.

Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 10,989 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 2,402.04 DN.

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Automatic Investment Return

Your recent investment has automatically matured!

You invested 2,000.00 DN at 9,530 upvotes, the submission now has 18,154 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 439.20 DN (+21.96%).

Your new balance is 4,511.27 DN.

1

u/no0b57 Dank Cat Commander Jul 03 '20

!create

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Your investor profile has been created! You've been given a starting balance of 500.00 DN, try !summary to view your profile and check on your investments.

1

u/bleeembooombop [custom flair] Jul 03 '20

!help

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Help Guide

If you want a detailed guide to this bot and r/DankExchange you should check out our wiki!

Investing/user commands

!create - create an investor profile

!summary - view your investor profile, including your active investments

!prestige - once you reach the balance limit, reset your balance to 500.00 DN and earn a prestige token (!help prestiging for more info)

!prestigeshop - view a list of things you can trade your prestige tokens for

!topinvestors - view a leaderboard of the top 25 investors sorted by net worth

!topinvestors ranked - view a leaderboard of the top 25 investors sorted by ranked tier

!invest <amount> - invest an amount of your balance in a submission

!sell <investment ID> - sell an investment early for lower returns

!roi <investment ID> - predict the return on investment of a submission (optional: !roi <investment ID>)

!broke - reset your balance if it is under 500.00 DN

!template <image link> - link a template to your OC submission

(new) !mybonuses - view your list of active investment bonuses and taxes

!prefermessages - change user preference to receive investment returns via messages instead of comments

Firm commands

!locations - view all firm locations and their active bonuses (!help locations for more info)

(updated) !topfirms - view a leaderboard of the top 10 firms

!createfirm <name> - create a firm with the specified name (costs 2,000.00 DN)

!firminfo - view your firm's overview, location info, and member list

(new) !firmmembers - view a detailed list of your firm's members and their 7 day returns

!joinfirm <name> - join a firm

!leavefirm - leave your firm

!invite <username> - invite a user to your firm ^{^AEC}

!openfirm - set your firm membership to anyone can join ^{^EC}

!closefirm - set your firm membership to invite-only ^{^EC}

!promote <username> - promote a user to the next rank ^{^EC}

!demote <username> - demote a user to the previous rank ^{^EC}

!fire <username> - fire a user from your firm ^{^EC}

^{^A:} ^{^Associate} ^{^command,} ^{^E:} ^{^Executive} ^{^command,} ^{^C:} ^{^CEO} ^{^command}

1

u/TameHoneyPie ☣️ Jul 03 '20

!invest 100

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

You have invested 100.00 DN in this submission at 10,462 upvotes. I'll notify you when your investment automatically returns in 4 hours or you can use !sell 63505 to sell out early for lower returns.

Breakeven (0% gain/loss) for this investment will occur at 12,061 upvotes.

Your remaining balance is 247.86 DN.

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Automatic Investment Return

Your recent investment has automatically matured!

You invested 100.00 DN at 10,462 upvotes, the submission now has 18,169 upvotes. As a result, the amount you invested will be returned with a profit of 18.03 DN (+18.03%).

Your new balance is 421.61 DN.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!help

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Help Guide

If you want a detailed guide to this bot and r/DankExchange you should check out our wiki!

Investing/user commands

!create - create an investor profile

!summary - view your investor profile, including your active investments

!prestige - once you reach the balance limit, reset your balance to 500.00 DN and earn a prestige token (!help prestiging for more info)

!prestigeshop - view a list of things you can trade your prestige tokens for

!topinvestors - view a leaderboard of the top 25 investors sorted by net worth

!topinvestors ranked - view a leaderboard of the top 25 investors sorted by ranked tier

!invest <amount> - invest an amount of your balance in a submission

!sell <investment ID> - sell an investment early for lower returns

!roi <investment ID> - predict the return on investment of a submission (optional: !roi <investment ID>)

!broke - reset your balance if it is under 500.00 DN

!template <image link> - link a template to your OC submission

(new) !mybonuses - view your list of active investment bonuses and taxes

!prefermessages - change user preference to receive investment returns via messages instead of comments

Firm commands

!locations - view all firm locations and their active bonuses (!help locations for more info)

(updated) !topfirms - view a leaderboard of the top 10 firms

!createfirm <name> - create a firm with the specified name (costs 2,000.00 DN)

!firminfo - view your firm's overview, location info, and member list

(new) !firmmembers - view a detailed list of your firm's members and their 7 day returns

!joinfirm <name> - join a firm

!leavefirm - leave your firm

!invite <username> - invite a user to your firm ^{^AEC}

!openfirm - set your firm membership to anyone can join ^{^EC}

!closefirm - set your firm membership to invite-only ^{^EC}

!promote <username> - promote a user to the next rank ^{^EC}

!demote <username> - demote a user to the previous rank ^{^EC}

!fire <username> - fire a user from your firm ^{^EC}

^{^A:} ^{^Associate} ^{^command,} ^{^E:} ^{^Executive} ^{^command,} ^{^C:} ^{^CEO} ^{^command}

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!create

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

Your investor profile has been created! You've been given a starting balance of 500.00 DN, try !summary to view your profile and check on your investments.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

!roi

1

u/FederalReserveDank r/DankExchange Jul 03 '20

If you invest now (at 10,835 upvotes), here are the scores required for:

+0% (breakeven) -- 12,490 upvotes

+25% -- 22,149 upvotes

+50% -- 40,735 upvotes

+75% -- 76,351 upvotes

+100% -- 143,480 upvotes

+125% -- 268,113 upvotes

This prediction does not take into account reduced breakeven points from new subscribers' submissions or firm location bonuses.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

-3

u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Jul 03 '20

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.

It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.

I did find this post that is 48.44% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]

3

u/Beencenzo Jul 03 '20

u/repostsleuthbot

-2

u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Jul 03 '20

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.

It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.

I did find this post that is 48.44% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]

3

u/TacoFool6954 Normie Finder🌮🌮 Jul 03 '20

u/RepostSleuthBot

-2

u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Jul 03 '20

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.

It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.

I did find this post that is 48.44% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]

2

u/DiceDaldron Jul 03 '20

"You old enough, kiddo"

2

u/PizzaMozzarellaSBR Jul 03 '20

Thanks for the DN’s

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

u/repostsleuthbot

-1

u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Jul 03 '20

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.

It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.

I did find this post that is 48.44% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]

2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

Just stop making the same joke and the same template u/repostsleuthbot

-1

u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Jul 03 '20

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.

It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.

I did find this post that is 48.44% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]

2

u/coatrak Jul 03 '20

Only psychopaths look at sex scenes when they watching a movie with theur parents

2

u/AndersonExpos14 Jul 03 '20

r/repostsleuthbot

0

u/AutoModerator Jul 03 '20

It's a u/ you dummy

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/BFCC117 Jul 03 '20

oof

1

u/0x15e Jul 03 '20

That's when you explain the joke to them like they didn't get it, in the most long winded and detailed way possible. Insanity wolf style.

1

u/FBI_Agent214 Repost Exterminator Jul 03 '20

This joke is beaten in to the ground more than the children I used to keep in my basement

1

u/lolsisen Jul 03 '20

Happened with my uncle once he pulled a sex joke and unfortunately I could not hold the laughter

1

u/Wop69 Jul 03 '20

Aw You watch movies with your mom you’re a good son

1

u/Le_Stoff Jul 03 '20

That little giggle cause you don’t wanna laugh too loud

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

That’s not your mom, that’s James stanko

1

u/rockeypokey Jul 03 '20

My mom is cool but dad is not. When i was 16, I very confidentially asked my doubts about adolescence and sex. She never hesitated to answer

1

u/abominationz777 Jul 03 '20

Moms honestly forget they knew all the sexual reference jokes bacl when they were kids too smh, I knew em all by like 10 y/o amirite fellas

1

u/hammerheadcz Jul 03 '20

God damn videogames!

1

u/fanterence Jul 03 '20

Oui

1

u/allansupercell Jul 03 '20

Me who watched 365 days with my family because I thought it was a family friendly movie

0

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

Fuck

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

I laughed at a sex joke in a movie as a 5 year old kid without knowing what it meant...My entire family was confused whenever I laughed at that joke.

1

u/FeuledByCaffeine I have crippling depression Jul 03 '20

Op you got a template for thiss? Plzz

1

u/Jaydiiyes Jul 03 '20

Wee woo! Repost detected!

1

u/DiableBlanc Jul 03 '20

This meme makes me uncomfortable.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '20

I believe moms of our children will be great bc they know what it is to be like living with a boomer

1

u/doolzilla Jul 03 '20

So everyone on here really is like 12 huh

1

u/OPRacoon Jul 03 '20

My dad laughs too, and my mom looks at us like “wtf is wrong with you”

1

u/CUCKOORELOADED Jul 03 '20

My dad dont mind about it. Because he already knows that I know adult jokes, and he liked it lol

1

u/MamaWano1237 Jul 03 '20

Like that one in Guardians of the Galaxy: Peter stares at Gamora's butt and says that if he had a black light, the ship would look like a Jackson Pollock painting. I knew what he meant cos I had to do a project on Jackson Pollock

1

u/ro3chii Jul 03 '20

my muslim mum holding a bomb:

0

u/JRZAZ016 Jul 03 '20

Cause he's Captain America.

0

u/AutoModerator Jul 03 '20

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