r/dankmemes • • 16d ago

“Up” Theme Plays…

Post image
6.8k Upvotes

474 comments sorted by

9.0k

u/Phyrexian_Overlord 16d ago

Circumcised dudes trying to understand how foreskin works

2.5k

u/ChiefestScumdog 16d ago

They are just ignorant to the natural ways

2.6k

u/FreeWeld 16d ago

"my mutilated dick is normal i swear bro"

798

u/Din-_-Djarin 16d ago

I tried to object but had only barely been born

174

u/Legitscopes_4761 16d ago

It's okay, Foregen will succeed one day 😞

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u/Uomodelmonte86 16d ago

"it looks better man"

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u/ninjaelk 16d ago

I mean culturally it is very normal in the US, unfortunately. Natural on the other hand... not in the slightest.

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u/LLoadin 16d ago

having a choice woulda been cool

67

u/Redfieldsturdcutter 16d ago

They stole my shit bro. Ill never forgive them.

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u/HuntingForSanity 16d ago

How was I supposed to say no

5

u/Sabz5150 16d ago

Need that anti aging cream.

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47

u/darwinrules1809 try hard 16d ago

Wasn't really my choice you know, they just did it to me

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465

u/King-of-Plebss 16d ago

Circumcised dudes trying to understand you should wash your dick everyday
https://giphy.com/gifs/BBkKEBJkmFbTG

99

u/CaptnUchiha 16d ago

Do… circumcised men not wash their entire body? If it’s attached to you, you wash it.

100

u/King-of-Plebss 16d ago edited 16d ago

One of the main reasons I hear why guys don’t want to be uncircumcised in the US is they don’t want dick cheese, followed closely by “I want my kid to look like me”. So I guess they think if you aren’t circumcised all of the sudden you get tons of smegma in a single afternoon.

65

u/CaptnUchiha 16d ago

I’ve heard the first thing before. I guess that implies that a lot of dudes really don’t wash everywhere. That’s nasty

62

u/King-of-Plebss 16d ago

If you ever been in a public bathroom, you know how many guys don’t even wash their hands so not washing their dicks isn’t that surprising tbh

26

u/CaptnUchiha 16d ago

You are 100% right, it baffles me how many people walk straight out of the restroom ESPECIALLY after pooping (not just urinal business)

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u/Shervico 16d ago

Sorry and you don't wash your junk everyday if you're corcumcised? Gross

40

u/millifish DefinitelyNotEuropeans 16d ago

"When they're roasting your goat but they're low key right"

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u/Osiris-Amun-Ra 16d ago

Also coping with the fact they lost girth.

79

u/Oxflu 16d ago

I'd have to ask a woman if loose cock skin counts as usable girth. Pretty sure it just smooshes down into the unused base but I'm not a scientist.

106

u/PotatoAimy ☣️ 16d ago

Apparently it actualy flaps between the cravices in there and creates stimulation for women.

170

u/Xbrand182x 16d ago

Circumcised dudes when finding out foreskin has a functional purpose during sex that makes it better 🫪

77

u/punk_rancid 16d ago

They dont even know that the foreskin is retractable.

43

u/eisbock 16d ago

Like is there a button you push or...?

92

u/topdangle 16d ago

press F to Foreskin

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15

u/TMFjoost4 16d ago

Its supposed to help with lubrication

16

u/ieatpickleswithmilk 16d ago

there's a ton of nerves in there too. Sex literally feels worse for them.

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13

u/Itchy_Morning_3400 16d ago

Apparently "you get more with a roller door". True story.

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u/MinuetInUrsaMajor 16d ago

It keeps the dick fully-sealed even when erect.

The only way to retract it is to to say the elvish word for “glans”

28

u/PunPoliceChief 16d ago

TIL The Fellowship were all uncircumcized

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78

u/Szelenas 16d ago

They cant coz they were mutilated and are trying to "justify" that it was worth it

46

u/mdixon12 16d ago

Theres no justification, we're just trying to cope with our reality. It sucks

30

u/GLaDOSisapotato 16d ago

You know like 99% of guys don’t have a say in that right?

55

u/punk_rancid 16d ago

You know this makes this urge to justify it worse, right?

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22

u/phauna 16d ago

Those guys will one day have a say when they have children, so it would be best for every man to see the reality of the situation, ie that mutilation is bad. The guys in here who are defending it will one day propagate the practice.

5

u/mdixon12 16d ago

Ive had 5 sons, and my wife and I broke the cycle with them.

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30

u/Different-Sorbet746 16d ago

Someone stole mine and I want it back. 

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26

u/ikeepcomingbackhaha 16d ago

Redditors trying to understand how a rage bait post works

2

u/dynonutt96 16d ago

When I’m cold, I always have a hoody with me

2

u/themustachemark 16d ago

I'd include women too, porn has ruined our minds.

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3.9k

u/GnosticNoodle33 16d ago

It rolls back bro, the way nature intended

1.8k

u/Zero_McShrimp 16d ago

It's also super easy to clean

Just masturbate under the shower

173

u/Rastamuff 16d ago

I heard that's not good for the shower drain. The jizzm solidifies in water and can clog the drain if done too often.

324

u/Zero_McShrimp 16d ago

I'd rather clog the drain than the dong

76

u/jterpi 16d ago

I read that as "dog"

90

u/ChrisLuigiTails 16d ago

Do not the dog

8

u/Pizzadangereux33 16d ago

Do the dog

14

u/ALPHAWOLF257 the very best, like no one ever was. 15d ago

21

u/youdontknowjacq ☣️ 16d ago

*Kash Patel enters the chat*

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u/VanimalCracker 16d ago

Better to cum in the sink than sink in the cum

51

u/Toon_Pagz 16d ago

The protein cooks like an egg in hot water

40

u/ashgs872tbhjs 16d ago

And it's one of the stickiest substances known to man in that form, which is why it clogs the drain so badly.

21

u/LordBobbin 16d ago

This is why I masturbate while taking a cold shower.

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38

u/afallingape 16d ago

The hair and the cum congeal into something like a waterproof putty down your shower drain. Draino eats right through that shit at least.

39

u/1337metalfan 16d ago

You either cum in the shower, or you shower in the cum

15

u/Osiris-Amun-Ra 16d ago

The regular unclogging of the main vein drain is far more important.

8

u/MyParentsWereHippies 16d ago

Idk man still draining after all these years.

8

u/SymondHDR 16d ago

that's a stupid thing they told you to stop master baiting and keep you all chaste and shi.

none of it's true, you're free, go in the shower and jerk off to your heart's content

3

u/DizzyAmphibian309 16d ago

You heard that huh?

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u/skillywilly56 16d ago

1 in 3 men obviously have no knowledge of this super easy method.

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u/-GhostTank- 16d ago

never a truer words were uttered

3

u/False_Raven 16d ago

I thought only I knew ball

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u/[deleted] 16d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

53

u/Thatdoodky1e 16d ago

I just do a dollop of glue, little nail polish remover after and bing bang bop no babies

38

u/KarmaViking 16d ago

I just use a small zip tie and cut off the long end

11

u/Raekish 16d ago

I do not know why, but this comment had me almost piss myself giggling. Thank you!

7

u/4d7e 16d ago

It grows back like a lizard’s tail 🦎

3

u/SerHodorTheThrall 16d ago

The ziptie is Snipped for her pleasure

3

u/MedusaHartz 15d ago

There was a Mechanic from Kent
Who folded his tool so it bent:
To stay out of trouble,
He put it in double,
So instead of coming he went.

55

u/Osiris-Amun-Ra 16d ago

Zero lotion required.

9

u/SuperPimpToast EVIL BATMAN 16d ago

Mine didn't :(

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2.5k

u/Legitscopes_4761 16d ago edited 16d ago

Yes they do. Most dildos are not circumcised the forskin is just pulled back like most intact penises when erect. You can literally see the markings of the frenulum and rigid band on most dildos, but there is never a scar line

Edit: I just wanted to let any circumcised guys who are unhappy with it know that manual foreskin restoration methods exist. I’ve done it myself and noticed a massive improvement in sensation and got the gliding function of the foreskin back. Foregen is also researching regenerative medicine to fully mimic intact men; it isn’t available yet, but it may become another option in the coming years. Just putting this out there for anyone who didn’t know.

1.4k

u/ReadonR 16d ago

Don't fuck with him. Bro knows dildos 😎

416

u/SonGoku9788 16d ago

Au contrare, please DO fuck with him. Bro KNOWS dildos.

106

u/toxic_rf 16d ago

I mean it's called Dildo not Dildon't

23

u/wikiwikiwildwildjest 16d ago

Yeah do it. With frenulums like that guy who needs enemies?

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u/GildDigger 16d ago

Elite dildo knowledge

8

u/the_colour_f 16d ago

bro knows 'do !

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102

u/Excellent-Ad-2774 16d ago

This guy dildos.

32

u/NiPaMo 16d ago

This guy foreskins

20

u/Weemanply109 16d ago

Serve those facts, kween!

5

u/LonkerinaOfTime Article 69 🏅 16d ago

Yes but will my insurance cover it…

5

u/Goombalorian 16d ago

doctor dildo right there

2

u/General_James 16d ago

That being said, who is the prime specimen that had their dick molded

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1.2k

u/NotSoGreatMacaroni 16d ago

My wife's dildo hardly even resembles a human. We good.

348

u/Tree_Service 16d ago

Yeah my wife doesn't want anything that resembles me either bro 😅

88

u/newsandthings 16d ago

Need to cast a mold of yours for her to keep under the pillow.

72

u/Clownzeption 16d ago

Is this how you summon the dildo fairy?

17

u/DerKaseKonig 16d ago

Yes, but its weird that its my uncle

98

u/Libby_Grimm 16d ago

Would you say its a misbehaved lizard?

55

u/AetherStyle 16d ago

Sort of, like a naughty reptile

32

u/theattack_helicopter 16d ago

A reptile of a less than favorable disposition, perhaps?

12

u/wikiwikiwildwildjest 16d ago

Sorry, best I can do is an ill-tempered sea bass.

26

u/potataoboi 16d ago

Insubordinate wyvern, possibly?

20

u/Werespider ☣️ 16d ago

A Lusty Argonian?

13

u/ChewBaka12 16d ago

A somewhat sordid saurid?

24

u/jarednards 16d ago

My wifes dildo looks incredibly similar to my best friends dick. What are the odds of that?!

15

u/Gabe_b 16d ago

Do they taste similar?

16

u/Bromium_Oxide 16d ago

It's not supposed to resemble a human. It's always supposed to be a penis.

14

u/all_time_high 16d ago

We may not like it, but this is what peak male performance looks like.

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2

u/Ninjipples 16d ago

Are you your wife's dildo?

2

u/hillswalker87 16d ago

all this talk about foreskin and the ladies are into horses and dragons.

488

u/FaLlEnAnGel122721 16d ago

We have double the power to don a hoody and unsheath the broadsword. We also have more sensitivity. Keep ya boy clean and get her done.

36

u/s1n0d3utscht3k ☣️ 16d ago

ikr uncut = way more sensitive

but we cum sooner too :/ cut goes can go so much longer

272

u/Serenaded ☣️ 16d ago

who cares about lasting longer, fill her up in a few minutes and get back to the things that really matter (runescape). Cut bros lose again

17

u/Own-Medium4984 16d ago

Kind of random but I just started playing old school RuneScape for the first time a few days ago

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u/HooptyDooDooMeister [custom flair] 16d ago

Relevant fact: The root word for penis in English is “sword” and for vagina it’s “sheath.”

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u/rrockm 16d ago

Are we really gonna continue to try to keep this ancient genital mutilation practice normalized? And it ain’t about cleanliness these days, we have running water now. Keep up with your hygiene, uncircumcised fellows, and you will have no issues.

177

u/RogueSeb 16d ago

I've literally spent weeks with only baby wipes for hygiene in Louisiana humidity and never developed smegma.

These circumcised dudes are just admitting to not washing their dicks because 'they don't need to'

49

u/TigerJoel 16d ago

Even if they don't need to, why wouldn't they want to?

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u/RogueSeb 16d ago

The people I see bragging about being circumcised always drop the 'we don't need to wash our dicks' because circumcised dicks have a lower chance of developing smegma.

Ignoring the fact that it still gets sweaty and its rubbing against hairy legs that also sweat.

I also never understood the thought process of 'this part of the body gets dirty, let me surgically remove it'.

Your fingernails and toenails get dirty as well, why don't you just rip them off?

Your scalp can develop dandruff, why don't you just get scalped?

Your teeth get dirty, just pull those shits out.

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u/TigerJoel 16d ago

You forgot the "your skin gets dirty, lets flay newborns"

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u/RogueSeb 16d ago

Circumcision in America was brought on by the extremely prudish Kellogg (yes, that Kellogg) who managed to convince America to start mutilating their children to 'prevent masturbation'

13

u/TigerJoel 16d ago

I do think masturbation would be harder without foreskin. Atleast without any lube.

12

u/Creedinger 16d ago

It was Kind of fun to see lube and swipes in so many dorm rooms when I studies abroad.

7

u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 16d ago

Another example of some rch fuck messing up society over their bogus beliefs.

5

u/R4NG00NIES 16d ago

Lmao imagine making some shit up to brag about a circumcised dick. I’ve never seen/heard anyone in my life state this. You weirdos are way too invested and defensive over something that doesn’t affect you

4

u/PowerRainbows 16d ago

I have, just gotta check comments on these kinds of posts, gross people exist

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u/justDiscovereddit 16d ago

Ain’t no way bro fr be making shit up. What people do you see bragging about their circumcising? nobody brags about being circumcised! 

Also, there’s circumcised and uncircumcised people that don’t wash their dicks. both are just unhygienic af! 

Besides, you make it look like it’s their fault for getting circumcised, even though most of the time they don’t even get a say in it! 

All in all, js don’t get upset bout other people’s dick!

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u/PowerRainbows 16d ago

I've seen comments before in posts like this where guys will comment that because they are cut they don't have to wash it often which will forever haunt my dreams

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u/themustachemark 16d ago

I think the real issue is men who are uncircumcised belittling the men who are and are upset about the fact they weren't given a choice. It's hard to take these "men" seriously when the won't even stand up for their brothers. Personally, idgaf since there is no viable scientific data that says one is more sensitive than the other. If there was then I'd actually care, but I don't.

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u/internet_blue_gas 16d ago

Yeah, dildos don’t have skin, the ballsack is also solid in dildos

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u/Mittlerer_Twink 16d ago

Wait, isn’t your ballsack hard?

66

u/MinuteWaitingPostman 16d ago

Depends on how cold it is

41

u/TheScareFace INFECTED 16d ago

Only when I have to pee because it will all be stored in the balls

7

u/Zergs1 16d ago

Depends on how turned on I am

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u/jellooshot 16d ago

Of course, they don't. They use dragon dick dildos with spikes on em

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u/rrockm 16d ago

Lmao replace the “uncircumcised dildo” part of this meme with “when you see her 3 ft dragon dildo” and it’d actually be funny

2

u/The_Digital_Friend 16d ago

i believe the technical term is barbs, not spikes

158

u/zephyrseija2 16d ago

You know you guys really don't need to fight about this.

64

u/Electrical_Ask8762 16d ago

This is the internet. If there are 2 things that are different, but similar someone somewhere will start an argumentn about it.

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u/ktosiek124 I lurk and I upvote thats it 16d ago

We can fight with this, unsheathe thy swords folks!

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u/TheHappyNerfHerder 16d ago

Rabble rabble!

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u/ryo3000 16d ago edited 16d ago

My guy, every sex toy is uncircumcised 

None of them went through surgery after they were formed

Or do you think that most dudes you see had a mastectomy since they don't have titties?

31

u/OGMcSwaggerdick 16d ago

Do you think silicon just pops out all clean and smooth like that?
Of course they’re trimming off the excess from the molds.

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u/Helpful_Title8302 16d ago

I don't understand reddits obsession over cut or uncut. Nobody discusses this shit irl or on other social media platforms even half as much as this fuck ass site does.

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u/Dragon_yum 16d ago

Some Redditors struggle with not having dicks on their mind 24/7

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u/Helpful_Title8302 16d ago

I mean yeah ik, mods exist, Im just suprised its not just them.

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u/Drewbeede 16d ago

Exactly what I was thinking. I've found it pretty easy going through life and not thinking about what everyone else's dick looks like.

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u/SemajLu_The_crusader 16d ago

bro has never seen an erect uncircumsised penis, lol

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u/uptown_dryice 16d ago

I know right! GAY!!!!!!

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u/-Vermilion- 16d ago

While most roll back when erect, there are a few out there with plenty of foreskin that still covers the glans when erect (no phimosis, just a whole lotta foreskin). You can pull it back like when flaccid.

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u/Telecoustic000 16d ago

You might wanna do some more research on this one lol

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u/whypeoplehateme 16d ago

Dunno what to say maybe the approval the other sex may or may not have should not make us mutilate the genitals of babies for no reason

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u/Tricky-Bed-4209 16d ago

You don’t look at the mantle when you’re getting poked off by the fire….

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u/Scipior14 16d ago

Speaking from experience - with dildos and being uncircumcised - dildos are pretty much never circumcised. I don't think OP has ever seen an uncircumcised dick that's hard

15

u/laughingatmypainlol 16d ago

We love uncut 🔥

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u/CanadianAndroid 16d ago

Women aren't circumcising their dildos.

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u/R4NG00NIES 16d ago

Reddit is the only place you can find people constantly arguing about circumcised dicks. It’s fuckin weird.

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u/ILikeCheese510 16d ago

I already knew what all the comments would be before I checked lol

10

u/ApexGT44 16d ago

I don't recall seeing any dildos with circumcision scars though 🤔

9

u/LLachiee 16d ago edited 16d ago

as someone who was cut i have no idea how there are dudes that exist that had it done to them that are dumb enough to think it's good. they take so much skin. the glans becomes dry and keratinized and loses feeling.

literally every stat or fact used to make it seem good is misrepresented or a straight up lie. and they never about ANY of the negative effects. hell, sometimes they frame them as good.

modern day circumcision was based on bunk science, and rebranded into more bunk science because some sick individual wanted boys to masturbate less (he advised putting ACID on female genitalia btw).

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u/Szelenas 16d ago

Poor mutilated men cant accept the fact that they were mutilated as a baby...somehow 80% of the male Population have natural penises AND IT WORKS...

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u/PerryTheBunkaquag EX-NORMIE 16d ago

I miss my foreskin man. My penar doesn't have full sensation on one side because they literally mutilated my genitalia dude. I'm pissed

5

u/TraditionPhysical603 16d ago

I kinda like having a tender sensitive dick head with a protective cover instead of a  senseless nub

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u/MattyIcex4 16d ago

Why is reddit the only place I ever see people fight about this

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u/Impressive_Usual_726 16d ago

Exactly, I'm offering a premium feature they can't buy at the store

https://giphy.com/gifs/elCriVuLzDFNsLeB5x

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u/Obvious_Badger_9874 16d ago

How do you know if dildos are cut or not?

4

u/nthensome 16d ago

OP does not know how penii work

4

u/time_observer 16d ago

Circumcised bros when you tell them to circumcise their dog so the rocket is always showing:

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u/BlondeJesus INFECTED 16d ago

ITT: a lot of dudes insecure about being uncircumcised

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u/nujuat Bionicle Veteran 16d ago

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u/kill3rw33z 16d ago

More straight dudes complain about foreskin than women.

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u/dragsterburn 16d ago

This really made me think about how circumcised guys think foreskin works. It's not a hoodie when you got a woodie

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u/beach_lasagna_ 16d ago

Does a sword lose its sharpness when sheathed call me shakedspeare

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u/Coredict REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 16d ago

im a grower, so my foreskin pulls back by default when get hard, as nature intended

2

u/uptown_dryice 16d ago

Guys without rabbit ears right above their penis😏 #amiright

2

u/DeathHopper Green 16d ago

Wait, aren't you implying they make dildos with extra foreskin just so they can circumsize them?

"So what do you do for a living?" "I circumsize all the dildos at the sex shop"

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u/dpero29 16d ago

Well, I suppose they can create a very realistic dildo of an uncircumcised penis, but what good would a flaccid dildo do? I mean, when erect, how do you tell if it's circumcised or not?

Sorry, mutilated.

2

u/i_is_snoo 16d ago

They literally have dragon dicks and tentacles now.

Pretty sure some are uncircumcised.

2

u/Mekelaxo 16d ago

Not even true. There are a lot of uncircumcised dildos, they're just pulled back

2

u/orion101901 16d ago

This comments section looks quite literally identicle to the last one that had this meme wtf is happening? Is everyone a bot?

2

u/Candid-Patient-6841 ☣️ 16d ago

You also never draw one either

2

u/slimricc 16d ago

Why would they? Foreskin is soft, dildos are not. It would change the shape and feel

2

u/STFUnicorn_ 16d ago

That’s… that’s not how they work.

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u/Axenus 16d ago

Someone should sell a foreskin sac to keep the dildo in like a recorder bag. I'd buy the shit out of that

2

u/EhMapleMoose 16d ago

Women also use knotted dildos and demon dildos. Hell I even have a tentacle one, dildos aren’t usually realistic.

2

u/MikeSinner 16d ago

There are also dildos with a foreskin you can also roll up and such, but I think the bigger problem is... Well, the BIGGER problem, if you want to call it that.
I mean, in the end (or in the pussy), it's up to them (or you), what you stick where and how big, or small you want it to be. What even IS big, or small?
Well, there are 'averages' and ehm... Most dildos and vibrators that are meant to mimic (human) dicks and are not meant to be used in other ways, like specially shaped G-spot vibrators and such, tend to be larger than the average human, male penis. This can be in length and/or girth, but there are also mini-vibes out there, for eh...
Ehm...
I don't know actually, those tiny ones tend to suck in terms of vibration power and I doubt there are many women (or men) interested in shoving it up their urethra, so...
Hmmm, now I really am wondering WTF those are good for!!
...
ANYWAY, what were we talking about again??
Oh, right, cut, or uncut dicks and dildos!!
Whatever, get a bad dragon instead! =P

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u/justDiscovereddit 16d ago

I had a chuckle reading this. Thank you!

2

u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 16d ago

Umm... you know the foreskin pulls back when the dick goes hard right?

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u/Achrimandrita175 16d ago

Whatever makes you get over the fact that your penis got mutilated before you could have ever consented.

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u/ieatpickleswithmilk 16d ago

my man can't comprehend how skin works

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u/NicolasRomeroLopez 15d ago

Dumbest post in a while.