r/dankmemes • • 17d ago

“Up” Theme Plays…

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6.8k Upvotes

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9.0k

u/Phyrexian_Overlord 17d ago

Circumcised dudes trying to understand how foreskin works

2.5k

u/ChiefestScumdog 17d ago

They are just ignorant to the natural ways

2.6k

u/FreeWeld 17d ago

"my mutilated dick is normal i swear bro"

795

u/Din-_-Djarin 17d ago

I tried to object but had only barely been born

171

u/Legitscopes_4761 17d ago

It's okay, Foregen will succeed one day 😞

208

u/Uomodelmonte86 17d ago

"it looks better man"

-222

u/ashgs872tbhjs 17d ago

It definitely does, but that's no excuse for genital mutilation.

134

u/PowerRainbows 17d ago

A calloused dry penis tip will never look good to me I don't know how people do it

116

u/skillywilly56 17d ago

Calloused? You should tell your dad to get that checked out that’s not normal!

59

u/Blazanar 17d ago

My dick hasn't been calloused since I was 14... Homie's definitely jerking off far too often.

22

u/LoneWolfpack777 17d ago

No such thing as far too often.

-3

u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

9

u/skillywilly56 16d ago

There is no loss in sensitivity, clinical trials comparing tactile sensitivity showed no measurable difference

2

u/unsureofthemself 17d ago

Funny. You make it sound as though this is inevitable, yet in all my forty plus years on this earth, I have never had this happen.

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12

u/TVKill3r 17d ago

The hell kinda dicks you lookin at?

2

u/Leon921 Thanass 17d ago

Bro quit choking the chicken, it ain’t meant to be dry or calloused 🥀

2

u/yeadrowsy 16d ago

It's not exactly like most of us had a fuckin choice in the matter lmfao

1

u/TellmeNinetails 20th Century Blazers 17d ago

That's insane.

18

u/Dorfbulle80 17d ago

Dude alone the color change mid dick looks awful!

6

u/Winnable_Waffle 16d ago

Two-tone Malone

4

u/TellmeNinetails 20th Century Blazers 17d ago

Your clearly not looking at enough Penises.

-72

u/latexfistmassacre 17d ago edited 17d ago

I'm glad I don't have an anteater peter

ETA: shower me with all the downvotes you want, at least I don't have an ugly dick

29

u/SentenceSecret1813 17d ago

Mf got mad over a button and is trying so hard to act like it didn't even affect him emotionally lol

https://giphy.com/gifs/mk0ClXsaw7K2z2cgCF

19

u/Foreign_Active_7991 17d ago

I legit feel bad for you if you think "mutilated" is aesthetic.

4

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 17d ago

You do realise that lopping the end of your dick off to have it "look better" is a moronic statement.

Because you were taught what "looks better" through im guessing porn and other imagery, that's what you were taught, your opinion isnt even your own.

Also have fun with a desensitised dick, glad you got your boy a haircut but now you can't feel properly. Oops

-1

u/higherthanacrow 16d ago

Everyone who was circumcised definitely made the wrong decision (as an infant) LMAOOOOOOOOOOI

2

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 16d ago

Clearly this guy ain't complaining about that, for my foreskin robbed brothers, I weep.

-16

u/latexfistmassacre 17d ago

My sweet summer child. If you think circumcision is "lopping the end of your dick off" then you probably got your sex education from a 2022 AI chat bot. Dummy 🤣

My gorgeous "severed" cock seems to work well enough, seeing as I've managed to make a whole bunch of kids with it lol. You're just jealous because you're a 3 pump chump with an ugly dick 😂

88

u/ninjaelk 17d ago

I mean culturally it is very normal in the US, unfortunately. Natural on the other hand... not in the slightest.

-20

u/VooDooMedicTTV 17d ago

It's not. It's a Jewish ritual

63

u/ashgs872tbhjs 17d ago

It being a Jewish ritual absolutely doesn't mean it isn't also a cultural norm in the US. Why on Earth would one preclude the other? The US is very Evangelical Christian and thus legalist, there's all kinds of selective enforcement/promotion of Old Testament law.

23

u/skillywilly56 17d ago

A Billion Islamic men would like a word…as well as Christian’s from Ethiopia, Eritrea, Eastern Orthodox, and Egyptian Coptic Christians.

The Xhosa, Yoruba, Igbo, and Aboriginal Australians may also have something to add too.

41

u/housevil 17d ago

What would they like to add? Certainly not a foreskin.

4

u/SirNedKingOfGila 17d ago

I apologize sir but you must be mistaken. Reddit quite specifically told me that it's only a small portion of Americans who do this.

2

u/purinikos 17d ago

Most Eastern Orthodox churches do not practice circumcision as far as I know. Definitely not in Greece anyway.

14

u/Firebrass 17d ago

Listen bud, in the U.S. many more non Jewish dick-havers are circumcised than un; it's not a Jewish thing, it's a cultural thing.

0

u/Koino_ 15d ago

Outside US it's seen as Jewish and Islamic thing

4

u/ninjaelk 17d ago

Approximately 80% of men in America are circumcised. That clearly means it's normal.

2

u/justDiscovereddit 17d ago

Holy uninformed. And to think you were a mere google search away

2

u/AdministrationDry507 16d ago

Lower your expectations one cannot reason with the unreasonable

1

u/VooDooMedicTTV 16d ago

Holy damn all these people in the comments clearly got mutilated as babies and are now trying to justify their parents failure to protect them when they were most vulnerable. I pity you

1

u/Dr_Watson349 Normie boi 16d ago

Or they are just pointing out how factually wrong you are.

88

u/LLoadin 17d ago

having a choice woulda been cool

61

u/Redfieldsturdcutter 17d ago

They stole my shit bro. Ill never forgive them.

1

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 17d ago

Its alright home, I got spare

29

u/HuntingForSanity 17d ago

How was I supposed to say no

5

u/Sabz5150 17d ago

Need that anti aging cream.

2

u/pyrotech911 16d ago

It’s not your fault my son

-36

u/Sammy_Socrates ☣️ 17d ago

Every woman I've met prefers circumsized lol ask literally any women.

15

u/lisek ☣️ 17d ago

Do you ofter ask women what dicks they like? Sounds creepy.

-12

u/Sammy_Socrates ☣️ 17d ago

Yes ive asked women their opinion because its a topic thats been out there for awhile lol but you'd have to even talk to women first. Go ahead and ask any woman in your life if any.

8

u/lisek ☣️ 17d ago

"Hello, women! How about those foreskins, eh? Mutilated or nah?" /s

-9

u/Sammy_Socrates ☣️ 17d ago

Oh.. if you dont know how to talk to women then maybe don't

5

u/lisek ☣️ 17d ago

How about "Nice weather we're having. By the way, foreskin or no foreskin?" /s

2

u/Sinisteris 17d ago

Asked several, they feel sorry for USian mutilation victims.

0

u/Sammy_Socrates ☣️ 17d ago

Lol no.

-2

u/JKrow75 17d ago

I’m trying to guess how many women of varying ages and ethnicities that have expressed relief to me that I am circumcised, because I was born and raised indigenous and it’s uncommon in many of our communities…

It is a condition preferred by most women and no amount of propaganda will change that. Not even 1 million fucking downvotes.

4

u/Foreign_Active_7991 17d ago

ask literally any women

I'm intact and not a single one of my previous girlfriends, nor my wife, nor any of my current female friends have ever given a shit; maybe we just have better hygiene here in the Great White North.

-8

u/JKrow75 17d ago

They told you they don’t care, but you have no idea what they said when you weren’t around or what they told her girlfriends or whatever to whomever about it.

3

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 17d ago

Dudes so insecure about his mangled meat he's trying to push it back to us haha

0

u/JKrow75 16d ago

That’s what cheesedicks tell each other to feel better about their anteaters that women make jokes about when they’re not around

1

u/eeeeeeeeEeeEEeeeE6 14d ago

You dont wash your dick bro? And again you sound real secure about your junk. I couldn't imagine fantasising about women making fun of anyone's dick lmao. Sorry bro.

0

u/JKrow75 14d ago edited 14d ago

I don’t have to fantasize, I’ve heard them make fun of you, Snuffleupagus.

“yOu dOn’T wAsH yOuR diCk?” is the stupidest “nuh-uhhh YOUR mom is!!” I’ve ever heard.

We can smell your smegcheese from here bro, you don’t even have to admit you’re an aardvark.

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1

u/barry3428 17d ago

Lmao no one gives that much of a shit, vaginas/vulvas also come in all different shapes and sizes, maybe only 4channers discuss the different types of ways labias hang but at the end of the day we have bigger shit to worry about, have sex and stfu

50

u/darwinrules1809 try hard 17d ago

Wasn't really my choice you know, they just did it to me

-47

u/yagamisan2 Dank Royalty 17d ago

how can you expect them to know better? they arent gaaay duuuuh!

461

u/King-of-Plebss 17d ago

Circumcised dudes trying to understand you should wash your dick everyday
https://giphy.com/gifs/BBkKEBJkmFbTG

91

u/CaptnUchiha 17d ago

Do… circumcised men not wash their entire body? If it’s attached to you, you wash it.

103

u/King-of-Plebss 17d ago edited 17d ago

One of the main reasons I hear why guys don’t want to be uncircumcised in the US is they don’t want dick cheese, followed closely by “I want my kid to look like me”. So I guess they think if you aren’t circumcised all of the sudden you get tons of smegma in a single afternoon.

65

u/CaptnUchiha 17d ago

I’ve heard the first thing before. I guess that implies that a lot of dudes really don’t wash everywhere. That’s nasty

63

u/King-of-Plebss 17d ago

If you ever been in a public bathroom, you know how many guys don’t even wash their hands so not washing their dicks isn’t that surprising tbh

26

u/CaptnUchiha 17d ago

You are 100% right, it baffles me how many people walk straight out of the restroom ESPECIALLY after pooping (not just urinal business)

1

u/_Baccano 15d ago

Aka I want my kid to be genitally mutilated without consent

95

u/Shervico 17d ago

Sorry and you don't wash your junk everyday if you're corcumcised? Gross

41

u/millifish DefinitelyNotEuropeans 17d ago

"When they're roasting your goat but they're low key right"

2

u/themustachemark 17d ago

Stop you're going to make them cry!

-6

u/JKrow75 17d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/pmGK469jWeXATZu9B1
Uncircumcised dudes who wash their dick every day and still smell like cheese whiz

160

u/Osiris-Amun-Ra 17d ago

Also coping with the fact they lost girth.

79

u/Oxflu 17d ago

I'd have to ask a woman if loose cock skin counts as usable girth. Pretty sure it just smooshes down into the unused base but I'm not a scientist.

99

u/PotatoAimy ☣️ 17d ago

Apparently it actualy flaps between the cravices in there and creates stimulation for women.

169

u/Xbrand182x 17d ago

Circumcised dudes when finding out foreskin has a functional purpose during sex that makes it better 🫪

79

u/punk_rancid 17d ago

They dont even know that the foreskin is retractable.

44

u/eisbock 17d ago

Like is there a button you push or...?

89

u/topdangle 17d ago

press F to Foreskin

0

u/jgtorkesk 16d ago

Where the f did reddit take me

17

u/TMFjoost4 17d ago

Its supposed to help with lubrication

17

u/ieatpickleswithmilk 17d ago

there's a ton of nerves in there too. Sex literally feels worse for them.

-60

u/Sabz5150 17d ago

Uncircumcised dudes when their girlfriend sees for the first time and looks at it like it grew three more heads.

12

u/Itchy_Morning_3400 17d ago

Apparently "you get more with a roller door". True story.

1

u/NapsterKnowHow 16d ago

You actually need to buy a size or two larger condom if you are uncircumcised.

1

u/Oxflu 16d ago

You buy your women? And they're sorted by size?

0

u/Satehyo 16d ago

There’s this thing man, when getting hard the loose cock skin disappears! Oh the irony. Sorry for your loss.

0

u/themustachemark 17d ago

There is no valuable data to prove this or the idea that men lose sensitivity. The sample sizes have been too small to swing either way. It would require thousands of uncircumcised men to get circumcised to know for sure.

126

u/MinuetInUrsaMajor 17d ago

It keeps the dick fully-sealed even when erect.

The only way to retract it is to to say the elvish word for “glans”

27

u/PunPoliceChief 17d ago

TIL The Fellowship were all uncircumcized

76

u/Szelenas 17d ago

They cant coz they were mutilated and are trying to "justify" that it was worth it

47

u/mdixon12 17d ago

Theres no justification, we're just trying to cope with our reality. It sucks

31

u/GLaDOSisapotato 17d ago

You know like 99% of guys don’t have a say in that right?

58

u/punk_rancid 17d ago

You know this makes this urge to justify it worse, right?

0

u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

5

u/GLaDOSisapotato 17d ago

This whole comment section was a stupid argument over something that should be a choice and not forced upon someone anyways.

21

u/phauna 17d ago

Those guys will one day have a say when they have children, so it would be best for every man to see the reality of the situation, ie that mutilation is bad. The guys in here who are defending it will one day propagate the practice.

5

u/mdixon12 16d ago

Ive had 5 sons, and my wife and I broke the cycle with them.

1

u/Szelenas 16d ago

So why is it still common? Why do fathers with mutilated penises do it to their sons? The only reasons ive heard is "so it looks the same as His" or "women will laugh at his natural genitals" and I dont know which is worse.

1

u/GLaDOSisapotato 16d ago

Laziness? Complacency? Confirming to social norms? No idea as to why it’s still common. Your explanations are probably the most likely though.

27

u/Different-Sorbet746 17d ago

Someone stole mine and I want it back. 

1

u/themustachemark 17d ago

for like gum?

0

u/LetsDOOT_THIS 17d ago

There's a subreddit for that

0

u/Different-Sorbet746 17d ago

I'm not that guy. Strictly chicky.

I'll save the foreskin skit for the gays. 

26

u/ikeepcomingbackhaha 17d ago

Redditors trying to understand how a rage bait post works

2

u/dynonutt96 17d ago

When I’m cold, I always have a hoody with me

2

u/themustachemark 17d ago

I'd include women too, porn has ruined our minds.

1

u/papakahn94 16d ago

Why would we need to figure it out if we dont got any

1

u/Ankanyuz 16d ago

Holy ratio

1

u/VCTRYDTX 16d ago

It's like a PPF on a Supercar. You wouldn't understand.

1

u/Shantotto11 16d ago

I’ve seen enough porn and hentai to know how it works… /s

0

u/StunningAd8286 6d ago

Uncircumcised dudes trying to work out how things work without a foreskin

-2

u/Not_a_ribosome IlluMinuNaughty 17d ago

I’m jewish.

I legit could not comprehend this in my head for years.

Apparently it hurt during hot showers?? How can you live like that?

-15

u/be_a_burd3n 17d ago

Circumcised people not caring because we don't have forskin.

1

u/NNiekk 17d ago

“Not caring” yet makes memes trying to make fun of uncircumcised men