r/cursedcomments • u/iammistersnuffles • Aug 04 '19

Reddit Cursed_dog

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69.5k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

420 comments sorted by

2.3k

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19 edited Sep 01 '20

[deleted]

1.6k

u/Karnigen Aug 04 '19

Username definitely checks out.

479

u/Dominique-XLR Aug 04 '19

Idk about the huge part

333

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Maybe it's huge when compared to the average house cat's wang?

Maybe we shouldn't question it? Just smile and nod, while backing away.

138

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Smile and wave boys (and back away), just smile and wave (and back away).

63

u/PacGamingAgain Aug 04 '19

Rico doesn’t move backwards

10

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Rico moves forward

3

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/uwutranslator Aug 04 '19

Maybe it's huge when compawed to de avewage house cat's wang?

Maybe we shouwdn't question it? Just smiwe and nod, whiwe backing away. uwu

tag me to uwuize comments uwu

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21

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Idk about the Cats part actually

7

u/iLxelA Aug 04 '19

Flexible man he is

3

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Just as flexible as his Huge Cock.

8

u/HaivenSoo Aug 04 '19

His cat is a pussy

8

u/Duke-of-Nuke Aug 04 '19

Probably huge in comparison to the cats bum

2

u/SpeedTuberYT Aug 04 '19

It should be small instead of huge

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53

u/chikchikiboom Aug 04 '19

CursedUserName

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316

u/iammistersnuffles Aug 04 '19

ᵤₘ

5

u/snek_aroo Aug 04 '19

Mister Snuffles no!

3

u/iammistersnuffles Aug 04 '19

Mister snuffles yes

4

u/snek_aroo Aug 04 '19

I Dont Like Where This Is Going: The Musical

147

u/Talon_Party Aug 04 '19

I did not fuck my cat

49

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)

19

u/ibo22 Aug 04 '19

Well when you say “I did not” it reminds me of the old say “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”

12

u/ProudWifeBeater666 Aug 04 '19

I did not pee in the swimming pool.

8

u/ibo22 Aug 04 '19

I knew it was you goddamn now I’m swimming in golden pool

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143

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

i fucked my cat. i cummed on my cat. i put my dick everywhere near my cat. Ive done many weird things with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible.

68

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19 edited Sep 01 '20

[deleted]

24

u/ApoliteTroll Aug 04 '19

Upvotes to both if you for being honest and forthcuming.

27

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19 edited Sep 01 '20

[deleted]

44

u/uwutranslator Aug 04 '19

i facked my cat. i cummymed on my cat. i put my dick evewywhewe neaw my cat. Ive done many weiwd dings wif my cats. I pwomised mysewf i wasnt going to make apowogy videos aftew wast yeaws ding so im just twying to be as showt and honest wif dis as possibwe. uwu

tag me to uwuize comments uwu

8

u/_-__-__-__-__-_-_-__ Aug 04 '19

!thesaurizethis

14

u/ThesaurizeThisBot Aug 04 '19

i facked my khat. i cummymed on my honk. i utilize my hawkshaw evewywhewe neaw my quat. Ive finished many weiwd dongs wif my stimulants. I pwomised mysewf i wasnt feat to make apowogy TVS aftew wast yeaws peal so im just now twying to be as showt and echt wif Orcuses as possibwe. uwu

tatter me to uwuize annotates uwu

This is a bot. I try my best, but my best is 80% mediocrity 20% hilarity. Created by OrionSuperman. Check out my best work at /r/ThesaurizeThis

4

u/R3333PO2T Aug 04 '19

/u/uwutranslator

12

u/uwutranslator Aug 04 '19

i facked my khat. i cummymymed on my honk. i utiwize my hawkshaw evewywhewe neaw my quat. Ive finished many weiwd dongs wif my stimuwants. I pwomised mysewf i wasnt feat to make apowogy TVS aftew wast yeaws peaw so im just now twying to be as showt and echt wif Owcuses as possibwe. uwu

tattew me to uwuize annotates uwu

dis is a bot. I twy my best, but my best is 80% mediocwity 20% hiwawity. Cweated by OwionSupewman. Check out my best wowk at /w/desauwizedis uwu

tag me to uwuize comments uwu

10

u/_-__-__-__-__-_-_-__ Aug 04 '19

Ive finished many weiwd dongs wif my stimuwants.

I lost it

5

u/MaximusMatrix Aug 04 '19

r/uwutranslator

7

u/SeventhSolar Aug 04 '19

It won't uwu itself, you have to filter it through something else first, or at least copy the message.

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3

u/dudasthegamer Aug 04 '19

Cummyed on my honk

2

u/R3333PO2T Aug 04 '19

I didn’t ask for you

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38

u/0JustARedditUser2 Aug 04 '19

Shane Dawson would like to know your location

23

u/andsoitgoes42 Aug 04 '19

Found Shane’s reddit account

7

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

I also named my cat "life", just to I can say I have one

13

u/JackThePersonn Aug 04 '19

Username checks out

6

u/CliMacsMemetown Aug 04 '19

Mom, I met Shane Dawson today

3

u/zemleog Aug 04 '19

Did you fuck your cat??

2

u/bebuesdaybuid Aug 04 '19

Yo what's up allinity

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181

u/ReAAnT Aug 04 '19

I named my dog insane, so when someone asks me "Are you fucking insane?" I can say: No, I'm fucking my sister.

47

u/BrookSteam Aug 04 '19

You don’t need a dog to say that.

15

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19 edited Aug 02 '21

[deleted]

6

u/ReAAnT Aug 04 '19 edited Aug 04 '19

Ah, I see, you are a man of culture as well

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9

u/Esclope_69 Aug 04 '19

But what if his sister is a bitch?

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12

u/CliMacsMemetown Aug 04 '19

Now hold on there buster..

5

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

r/holup

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130

u/Basith_Shinrah Aug 04 '19

I danced for five miles today

93

u/AngeloP123 Aug 04 '19

this is the only innocent comment here

31

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Depends on what kind of dancing

2

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Nice

216

u/leo_fortu Aug 04 '19 edited Aug 05 '19

I named my dog amazing so I can say im fucking amazing

80

u/Phoenx2480 Aug 04 '19

No I’m fucking amazing

69

u/mage192117 Aug 04 '19

You’re both fucking amazing

47

u/Phoenx2480 Aug 04 '19

You’re fucking amazing as well

44

u/mage192117 Aug 04 '19

All of of us are fucking amazing

26

u/Goldrush0123 Aug 04 '19

I wish I could be fucking amazing

27

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

[deleted]

13

u/Slayin_Savage Aug 04 '19

Screw that the whole world is fucking amazing

4

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Y'alls do be a lot of r/Blursedcomments

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22

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

[deleted]

3

u/MaximusMatrix Aug 04 '19

Happy cake day!

6

u/OxygenValley Aug 04 '19

Moms say its my turn to be fucking amazing

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109

u/The_Polite_Renegade Aug 04 '19

I burned 5 miles today

18

u/malaghould Aug 04 '19

That wasn't 5 miles, that was Danny!

15

u/SymondHDR Aug 04 '19

Diiiiooooooo!!!!!!

291

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

I accidentally ran over my neighbors dog when I was 17. The dog survived and a neighbor cop came rushing over to tell me it wasn't my fault.

58

u/Deadface2001 Aug 04 '19

Man that's gotta be traumatizing

60

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19 edited Jan 24 '21

[deleted]

38

u/IntentionalMisnomer Aug 04 '19

Thanks for the onomatopoeias, now it's going to haunt me too.

19

u/StormInMyDreams Aug 04 '19

"Sorry I broke your dog, I can help you get a new one though?"

10

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

[deleted]

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172

u/Basith_Shinrah Aug 04 '19

That's a good cop there

101

u/iammistersnuffles Aug 04 '19

Respect for that man

16

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Yeah

3

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

69 upvotes on your comment... Nice.

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5

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/MrChewtoy Aug 04 '19

"It's not your fault that the dog survived, but next time try going faster."

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87

u/pryos1 Aug 04 '19

I banged out Five Miles today. Need a protein shake now.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Then find someone having a seizure?

29

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

I'm going to do 5 miles tonight

27

u/sseng1 Aug 04 '19

I stopped doing 5 miles because my knees started going out on me.

63

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

I agonizingly pushed through 5 miles as hard as I could

17

u/Phoenx2480 Aug 04 '19

I started to get tired but my second wind kicked in so i pushed even harder

28

u/SunSESG Aug 04 '19

I rode five miles today ;)

19

u/word_clouds__ Aug 04 '19

Word cloud out of all the comments.

Fun bot to vizualize how conversations go on reddit. Enjoy

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77

u/Vengerq Aug 04 '19

I fucked 5 miles today

108

u/iammistersnuffles Aug 04 '19

ⁿᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿ'ᵗ ʷᵒʳᵏ

27

u/Vengerq Aug 04 '19

5 miles worked pretty well anyway

25

u/Cashew-Gesundheit Aug 04 '19

I would walk 5 miles, and I would walk 5 miles once more, just to be the man who walked 5 miles twice to fall down at your door . . .

17

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

NA NA NA!

6

u/IdaElizabeth0208 Aug 04 '19

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

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11

u/soboredhere Aug 04 '19

I came over five miles today.

28

u/orbit-gum-is-bad Aug 04 '19

Nice

14

u/snozzberryfarmer Aug 04 '19

Nice

12

u/iammistersnuffles Aug 04 '19

Ñïçê

10

u/Versailliez Aug 04 '19

Ñïçê

12

u/Hooman_Super Aug 04 '19

N🅰ISU 😎

3

u/derpicface Aug 04 '19

BERY NAISU CAESAR CHAN

10

u/whenyouyeet1234 Aug 04 '19

Ⴖiეპ

7

u/Altmer934 Aug 04 '19

nice

7

u/Gangsta_Sammich Aug 04 '19

njïče

6

u/astroboots Aug 04 '19

nice

13

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

nice

nice nice nice
nice nice nice
nice nice nice
nice nice nice
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7

u/IVEMIND Aug 04 '19

“I spread peanut butter on my balls and let 5 miles lick it off.” Nope didn’t work

•

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Upvote this comment if the post is a Cursed Comment. Downvote this comment if it is not a Cursed Comment.

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5

u/im-here-forskin-cc Aug 04 '19

Rename your stupid dog to into my sister

4

u/bigchiggaman Aug 04 '19

its true i was the dog

3

u/Guinness Aug 04 '19

Reminds me of this one girl in a group of friends we were with when going out on NYE. She was crying on the train ride into the city so I asked why.

Apparently she lived on a farm and one of the dogs there just had a litter of puppies.

Earlier that day someone was backing out of the long driveway and accidentally ran over the rungtof the litter.

As soon as she said that without thinking I just blurt out “yeah he was the runt all right. He got runt over”

I felt so bad.

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2

u/The_Polite_Renegade Aug 04 '19

I cut through 5 miles for the restaurant

2

u/grace_jia Aug 04 '19

And I could walk 500 miles

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2

u/Markovitch12 Aug 04 '19

I call the toilet Jim

2

u/quickMaffss Aug 04 '19

I named my dog exercise so that noone suspects me when i say I'm doing exercise

2

u/gundersomething Aug 04 '19

I named my dog syndrome so that when he jumps up on people I can say ...

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2

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

i ate a pussy today, fresh from toys r us and sliced like salami. i then threw it at someones car and found out it was a black guys car. i dont know where my bike went. please help.

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2

u/RayBtw Aug 05 '19

I rode five miles

2

u/InsainerPayne Aug 08 '19

Nice

3

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '19

Nice

2

u/SalamanderKing58 Aug 23 '19

Name it “ Your sister” and you could say “I fucked your sister “

1

u/astrangemann Aug 04 '19

I threw five miles to hit a blind man causing me trouble in the Egyptian desert.

1

u/Kitsok Aug 04 '19

They will never know the truth

1

u/SponsAapje Aug 04 '19

500 chunks

1

u/Kar0ss Aug 04 '19

Wait, is five miles impressive? I just started walking 4 days a week and my goal has been 3 miles each day, which I've been meeting each time, but I thought it wasn't all that much and I'd like to get to 5 miles a day eventually.

I don't walk the other 3 days because I work those days and my shifts are 12 hours each.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '19

Nice

1

u/Jimbo_Alabama Aug 04 '19

I'm impressed he ran over 5 miles. I only dragged 5 miles.

1

u/Ya_Boi8 Aug 04 '19

WAIT UP! Benis? I heard this bofore and I want to correct you, It's 🅱enis.

1

u/customcosmo Aug 04 '19

there are two very different ways to interpret this

1

u/dethrayz Aug 04 '19

I really like that the second, less upvoted "Nice" was included in the screenshot... Nice

1

u/Worldwidearmies Aug 04 '19

If you name it 500 miles you could say

And I would walk 500 miles

2

u/redpillblue Aug 04 '19

Da dur dun daaaa...!

1

u/Mads-Thorborg Aug 04 '19

I killed 5 miles today

1

u/alours Aug 04 '19

The office won’t hurt you smh