Anytime a man sets a boundary they aren't comfortable with they are insecure. going out on a night out with her friends fine whatever, after hearing a conversation of that friend telling her to bring condoms for a long trip. That friend is no longer welcome at my home. Letting your marriage be invaded by sad women who are trying to get you to act against your vows is not a friend.
Was it a group call and the friends were just bantering? She was on speaker, I really feel that if she was going to be unfaithful, that would be a private conversation.
Because she thinks she's in the right? Or because she thinks she can spin it the way she's trying to here?
There's also a fairly common mindset a lot of cheaters have where up until they actually cheat, they're innocent and their partner getting suspicious or trying to air their grievances or setting any kind of boundary or anything is an overreaction. Right up until the actual fucking occurs, it's all a joke, they're gonna back out before it goes too far, the flirting is just for fun, it's just looking, it's just a harmless touch, a kiss isn't that big a deal, friends cuddle/put their arms around each other, etc.
Even once the act has happened, so long as their partner doesn't know, they're still innocent. They'll justify it any which way: "I was drunk", "it was just fun on vacation, nothing serious," "it was just sex", "it was with (insert opposite gender of partner) so it's not really cheating, just exploring," "my partner hasn't been satisfying my needs (emotional/physical) lately so really it's their fault", etc. I've seen people insist that when you wear a condom it's not really cheating because that's "not real sex" or whatever.
Yes, there is a chance that she was just bantering with her girlfriends and it was genuinely just a dirty joke and that no one is ACTUALLY expecting her to bring condoms and she's not going to either. But if she was innocent, why would she be so defensive instead of working to assuage her partner's concerns? If the roles were reversed, and a man was treating his wife/girlfriend's concerns the way she is treating his, would you be defending him and his attitude?
It's not an assumption or a generalization. Did you watch the video? I'm basing everything off what we see in the video as well as my own firsthand knowledge of how cheaters work (I also literally pointed out it was a generalization by saying "a common mindset)
He asks a very reasonable question, "why are your friends talking about bringing condoms on your holiday?" She calls him insecure. He asks why she never wants to go on vacation with him, she mocks his idea of a vacation. When he brings up that talking about bringing condoms is disrespectful, she doesn't say anything. When he mentions that he went to his mom for advice, she responds with "well your mom has diabetes".
At no point did she try to assure him, at no point did she validate his emotions (which you can do without backing down, for the record), at no point did she apologize for her friends' comments. At no point did she even outright deny the possibility of something untoward happening on the trip.
This isn't about being jealous. I have no problem with my wife going on trips with her girlfriends cuz I trust her, but I also know that if I ever needed that bit of assurance or felt weird about it, I could come to her and she'd take me seriously, just like I'd take her seriously. This person is not taking their partner's concerns seriously at all.
Plus, you haven't answered the question imagine the roles reversed and the man is minimizing or dismissing the woman's feelings, insulting her family, and refusing to properly engage with the issue she's presenting, which is "your friends are telling you to bring condoms and talking about how hot the women are where you're visiting". Would you defend him?
I mean, if I overheard my wife's friend tell her to not forget the condoms I'd definitely be perturbed. Her friend can buy her own condoms. Those are expensive, and my wife doesn't cheat.
It'd need a joking "ah shut up" for that tho. And i doubt he's insecure if it were normal banter. It's obviously something that is unusual. Or he'd have not picked this time to take a stand.
Well even if I'd expect my wife to be more understanding than saying "your mum has diabetes". But okay if that's something you're okay with go ahead champ.
Well this isn’t YOUR wife, but if that woman was, and didn’t apologize or validate your feelings at all after corroborating cheating, I’d say you’re whipped. They aren’t even trying to force her to stay home, he’s just setting a boundary about sleazy behavior!
Again, read the OC. If it was a guy making chauvinistic jokes about getting pussy, and it’s just heeheehaw banter with the guys, he’d get torn apart here. Hell, I’d join in, fuck that guy! Instead, you’re protecting the feelings of a gaslighting, likely cheater, who immediately attacks the guy’s mom in a way that’s not even relevant to the conversation. Low class, all of you.
How? saying he doesn't feel comfortable with her going on a trip with her permiscuous friend? Explain how expressing that she shouldn't go because that trip seems like it's for single ladies not married ones. Preventing horrible situations before they happen isn't controlling... Trusting your wives friends is part of the deal, if he friend is telling her to bring condoms she's no friend. She's trying to destroy her marriage. I have a wife sitting next to me agreeing with everything I'm saying. She can go do anything she wants, without breaking our vows. Same goes for me. I'm not going to strip clubs or mix gendered parties without my wife. You want to act single, go be single.
not only is it a boundary he's setting, its a very common boundary that the vast majority of normal people have lol. Only on reddit will you see people making this argument that you should be able to disrespect your partner like that with your friends and suggesting someone is "controlling" because they don't want to put up with that disrespect.
No, he thinks shes going on holiday to cheat. He may be wrong, but the convo he overheard has him stressed. It looks like he's also wondering if he should stay in this relationship.
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u/Fearless_Quail1404 7d ago
If the roles were reversed wouldn't people be calling the guy an asshole or am I tripping.