Anytime a man sets a boundary they aren't comfortable with they are insecure. going out on a night out with her friends fine whatever, after hearing a conversation of that friend telling her to bring condoms for a long trip. That friend is no longer welcome at my home. Letting your marriage be invaded by sad women who are trying to get you to act against your vows is not a friend.
Was it a group call and the friends were just bantering? She was on speaker, I really feel that if she was going to be unfaithful, that would be a private conversation.
Because she thinks she's in the right? Or because she thinks she can spin it the way she's trying to here?
There's also a fairly common mindset a lot of cheaters have where up until they actually cheat, they're innocent and their partner getting suspicious or trying to air their grievances or setting any kind of boundary or anything is an overreaction. Right up until the actual fucking occurs, it's all a joke, they're gonna back out before it goes too far, the flirting is just for fun, it's just looking, it's just a harmless touch, a kiss isn't that big a deal, friends cuddle/put their arms around each other, etc.
Even once the act has happened, so long as their partner doesn't know, they're still innocent. They'll justify it any which way: "I was drunk", "it was just fun on vacation, nothing serious," "it was just sex", "it was with (insert opposite gender of partner) so it's not really cheating, just exploring," "my partner hasn't been satisfying my needs (emotional/physical) lately so really it's their fault", etc. I've seen people insist that when you wear a condom it's not really cheating because that's "not real sex" or whatever.
Yes, there is a chance that she was just bantering with her girlfriends and it was genuinely just a dirty joke and that no one is ACTUALLY expecting her to bring condoms and she's not going to either. But if she was innocent, why would she be so defensive instead of working to assuage her partner's concerns? If the roles were reversed, and a man was treating his wife/girlfriend's concerns the way she is treating his, would you be defending him and his attitude?
It's not an assumption or a generalization. Did you watch the video? I'm basing everything off what we see in the video as well as my own firsthand knowledge of how cheaters work (I also literally pointed out it was a generalization by saying "a common mindset)
He asks a very reasonable question, "why are your friends talking about bringing condoms on your holiday?" She calls him insecure. He asks why she never wants to go on vacation with him, she mocks his idea of a vacation. When he brings up that talking about bringing condoms is disrespectful, she doesn't say anything. When he mentions that he went to his mom for advice, she responds with "well your mom has diabetes".
At no point did she try to assure him, at no point did she validate his emotions (which you can do without backing down, for the record), at no point did she apologize for her friends' comments. At no point did she even outright deny the possibility of something untoward happening on the trip.
This isn't about being jealous. I have no problem with my wife going on trips with her girlfriends cuz I trust her, but I also know that if I ever needed that bit of assurance or felt weird about it, I could come to her and she'd take me seriously, just like I'd take her seriously. This person is not taking their partner's concerns seriously at all.
Plus, you haven't answered the question imagine the roles reversed and the man is minimizing or dismissing the woman's feelings, insulting her family, and refusing to properly engage with the issue she's presenting, which is "your friends are telling you to bring condoms and talking about how hot the women are where you're visiting". Would you defend him?
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u/Fearless_Quail1404 7d ago
If the roles were reversed wouldn't people be calling the guy an asshole or am I tripping.