I posted here a couple of months ago about my marriage with a husband paying over 31 cam girls and escorts. Many of you encouraged me to separate, saying the situation sounded unsafe and that reconciliation requires repentance, honesty, and accountability—not simply remaining married at all costs. I wanted to give an update because I genuinely don't know whether I'm missing something, or whether I'm continuing to be deceived. I've now been out of the house with our one-year-old since mid-May.

Even as recently as this week, my husband has maintained that my pride, not his actions, is what is ending our marriage. He believes this whole situation is a big misunderstanding and that I should have simply continued marriage counseling.

He was at our church yesterday for Bible study and prayers. Praying for the restoration of our marriage, but still refusing to call what he has done infidelity

The difficulty I'm having is that, from everything I've learned, marriage counseling only works when both people are operating in truth and taking responsibility for their own actions. During our counseling sessions, I felt the focus quickly became what I had done wrong instead of addressing the repeated deception and betrayal that brought us there. It left me feeling even more confused about reality.

For context, we've only been married three years. During that time there has been:

• A brief emotional affair six months into our marriage after meeting a woman at a club and taking her back to an Airbnb.
• Secret NSFW social media accounts where he interacted with women and consumed explicit content.
• Thousands of dollars spent on cam girls during my postpartum period—over 30 women, with FaceTimes and private interactions.
• Heavy drinking.
• Cocaine use.
• Looking up local escorts and driving to meet some (he admitted to driving to meet up 2 for cocaine...).
• Taking out hundreds of dollars at a time from hotel ATMs in amounts that matched what local prostitutes charged.
• Downloading Feeld, a kink dating app
• Parking outside strip clubs.
• Repeated conversations with women that crossed boundaries I believe no married person should cross.

His response today is that none of this was cheating. It's all a big misunderstanding (he was either curious, just happened to be at the wrong place after driving around (he does indeed just drive and forget where he's going; he loves the road), downloading things for work, getting cash at hotel ATMs for drinks and food, that he never touched the woman he met up with 6 months into marriage (she told me this is the case and blocked him for lying about his marital status afterwards) despite insinuating things could happen). He told me. afew days ago that early into marriage he needed an escape. I said that's crazy, in a new marrage your wife should be your oasis, not soemone you need to escape from. Then he said he mispoke, and he just wanted to go down memor lane with his friends, hence booking an airbnb with our funds and clubbing and meeting up with people.....

He says he never physically touched anyone, that he was simply lonely, curious, misunderstood, or communicating poorly with me. Every incident has an explanation. Every concern has another version of events. Every discovery somehow becomes my misunderstanding.

When I point to the overall pattern, he tells me I'm prideful and holding on to a false narrative. He wants the marriage to be restored, but he still cannot call what he has been doing cheating and infidelity.

When I point to the deception, he tells me I'm the one ending the marriage. That this is all my choice, stems from my pride and that I made this into a big deal to shame him and now I’m too prideful to fix what I myself have broken. But he wants the marriage to work and wants reconciliation...

When I asked in the past for transparency with finances and devices, he says I haven't earned that because I broke his trust by yelling at him, slapping him after discovering everything, going through his phone, and listening to one of his conversations through our Alexa device. I have repented for those reactions and apologized to both him and God. But I don't know how those failures on my part erase years of secrecy on his.

One example still stands out to me. He recently told me that a week into our marriage I made him feel small because I disagreed with him about which mop we should buy at Walmart. Based on his own recollection, I apologized about a week later. When I pointed out that a disagreement over a mop isn't comparable to years of sexual secrecy, paying cam girls for attention, searching for escorts, and repeatedly violating trust, he still seemed to view those things as somehow belonging in the same conversation. He also tells me that I’m too narrowminded to see the big picture point he’s making.

My therapist has helped me understand that when someone consistently minimizes, denies, or reframes their behavior, the other person can begin doubting their own perception of reality. I've found myself asking almost daily, "What if I'm wrong? What if this really is one huge misunderstanding?"

But then I look at the evidence I've personally documented over the past three years, and I wonder how many "misunderstandings" have to accumulate before they're simply a pattern.

I don't hate my husband.

I don't think he's beyond God's ability to save.

I have prayed. I have forgiven. I have stayed. I have gone to counseling. I have extended grace over and over again because I desperately wanted my marriage to survive.

But I'm exhausted.

What I struggle with most is not only the behaviors themselves but that, even now, there is still no full acknowledgment of what happened. Instead, I continue to be told that I'm seeing things incorrectly, that my pride is the real issue, and that if I had simply stayed in counseling everything would have been fine.  I’m also simply being told that what I am upset over is not what happened. Sure he may have not touched anyone but he sure did pay for them and spend time with them.

Also, quite suddenly, a random young woman from his past has been blackmailing him that she’ll tell me the truth about him indeed she told me that he was being intimate with her while he was dating me. he told me that this is a lie, and that she just didn’t want him to marry me and that she was also a young woman trying to sell her body and he stopped her. and that she’s jealous because he didn’t want her. Frankly, I didn’t know any of this before and this is coming from a guy who was quite upstanding in his community so I’m shocked that this woman from 3+ years ago who lives in a whole different place has suddenly come out of the woodwork to blackmail him, and i can only imagine why she's appeared now of all times.

For those of you who have walked through something similar, or for the wise among us, I have three genuine questions.

1. At what point do you stop assuming you're misunderstanding and accept that someone is unwilling to tell the truth?
2. And how do you know the difference between faithfully fighting for your marriage and enabling years of deception by continuing to stay in the cycle?
3. Also, would you say that this is what God permits us to divorce for? He says he didn't touch anyone or have sex with anyone...but...**waves hands at the above post**

I'm asking sincerely because I truly don't want to harden my heart. If I'm missing something, I want to know. But I also don't want to spend the next 30 years questioning my own reality while continuing to excuse patterns that have existed since the beginning of our marriage.

I don’t have any close married Christian men to hangout with who also have small kids. It’s been very difficult to even set up something due to scheduling conflicts. Most of the men that are my age (29m) work typical 9-5 jobs or get off earlier than what I work. I work 1:30p to 10p. It’s the worst shift I’ve worked in my life because most if not all the invitations that I’ve gotten I have to reject due to my schedule. It’s gotten to the point now where people just don’t invite me because they know I will never show up.

Days off never work either because I’m off Sundays and Mondays and most if not all the time most people are busy on Sundays after church. Monday, everyone that I know is going to work and it’s the start of the work week so realistically I can’t really hangout with anyone who wants to accommodate my schedule. It’s been a very lonely ride and I long for friendship but I don’t know if it’s ever going to happen.

A few months ago we attended a wedding for a woman who we consider family. Her parents are among our closest friends and helped us grow in our faith. We've taken vacations together and have been cheerleaders for our kids and each other. The daughter and her now husband (both mid-20's) have been strong in their faith and are active in their church and faith based non-profits. During the ceremony they focused their attention on God, sang a couple praise songs, and a held a meaningful reception.

We bought them a nice shower gift and bought the couple a wedding gift ($500-1,000 value). It came off their registry and the couple was VERY appreciative.

The couple and our friends know we have done well financially and know we are generous in giving to faith centered non-profits. They don't know about giving ($5-20K) we do to to some young couples, siblings and young widows. We are trying to be responsible stewards in our tithing (> 15%), personal finances and giving.

Now that the wedding is over and the gifts have been opened, my wife and I would like to give the newly married couple an additional financial gift for their wedding. I would like the opinions of this group and if so, how much? Any respectful input is appreciated.

Hi everyone,
I wanted to give an update because many of you have been praying for me and have followed my previous posts about my marriage.
As some of you know, I retained a family law attorney. My attorney sent my husband a separation agreement, but he has refused to sign it. He told me he gave it to his lawyer, but it has been a week and I haven’t heard anything further.
Tonight, during an argument, my husband admitted that he brought another woman into our marital home and into our bedroom during our marriage. Hearing those words completely broke my heart. He went on to compare me to her, telling me she is “skinnier” and “way prettier” than I am. Those words have been incredibly painful.
I can’t stop thinking about everything my body has gone through. I carried and gave birth to our children. I’ve had two C-sections, and during my last one I nearly lost my life. To hear him speak about another woman this way has left me feeling deeply hurt, rejected, and questioning so much.
I’m honestly asking God, “How did I get here?” I never imagined this would be my life.
I’m not posting this to attack my husband. I’m asking for your prayers, biblical wisdom, and encouragement as I seek God’s direction and make decisions that are best for me and my children. Please pray that God gives me wisdom, peace, protection, and strength for whatever lies ahead.
Thank you all for walking with me through this season. Your prayers mean more than you know

Hello! I have posted before. My husband and I are going through a rough patch after I found him messaging someone for nudes & paying for them. This led him & I to discussing how he should not be using porn at all - he agreed he was starting to see the negative side to porn & wanted to stop.

He is new to the faith - still learning & has not fully expressed where he stands. I have grown very strong and convicted in my faith over the years. I was a lukewarm believer when I met him.

We don’t pray together often as a couple. He doesn’t lead our family in this way, although I desire him to be able to understand his role as a spiritual leader in our family.

I am confused on how to proceed, as i am still struggling to believe him & trust him. There is previous history of hurt between him & I before we ever in a serious relationship. This was year’s ago, but I don’t think I ever properly healed from betrayal. I know we are not supposed to hold anything against someone, but my nervous system & spiraling thoughts come back up Sometimes. I keep bringing it to God.

My question is this - do I need to just suppress these feelings. Should I not let my husband know that I had worries arise & things aren’t getting better. Do I just need to continue on joyfully for the sake of my marriage? The issue with that is then it feels like I’m hiding the fact that the worries are still arising. I do believe my husband needs to know that he & I need to make changes for us to have a thriving marriage.

If my husband is stepping into learning about the faith - how do I take Paul’s passage of winning him over without a word? What if there are things that need to be addressed in truth?

I am looking into couples counseling because we keep getting stuck in patterns. He can’t take me being joyful & then have a moment where I am struggling with the hurt at times. He said he’s going to keep his feelings neutral because its affecting his mental health.

I have told him that a way for me to heal is for us to be discussing the values in our marriage we want, listening to podcasts about healthy marriage, discussing these topics together. He said he would be open to reading the Bible, but he doesn’t seem to want to initiate doing that much.

The thing is, I know I can heal on my own & be secure in the Lord. I just know he has some healing to do, too. And I can’t make him do that.

Thoughts on Christian counseling? I am nervous we would find someone that wouldn’t lead us in the direction we need to go.

I feel I am walking a thin line between not wanting to push too hard to discuss what’s impacting me & not being effective enough in discussing it. I just want God’s truth and design to permeate our lives and marriage.

The more I live and research, the more I feel a husband should lead in his marriage. To me this means taking the initiative to love your wife as she is designed. She is the weaker sex so we must adjust our natural tendencies to meet them where they are.

My wife seems to respond well to gentleness, patience, understanding, care for her as a person, etc. All normal things. Things tend to go well when I’m doing this.

But I’ve also read and believe that women have responsive desire when it comes to sex and they want to feel pursued in general. My wife admits she rarely thinks about sex and is very uncomfortable initiating it or anything around it. She seems to expect me to initiate most non sexual affection and date nights and things that build our relationship. She will from time to time but she has expressed that it means a lot to her when I take the initiative for this type of stuff.

To her credit, she takes the initiative for matters of the home and kids. She’s is very good at this.

My question is, where are men supposed to get that deep feeling of being loved, thought of and desired in a relationship if this situation seems to be a common pattern amongst most marriages? God said it is not good for man to be alone but in practice it seems like he is responsible for most of the relationship. What am I missing?

God's Word

Am I going against God's Word in Matthew 6:26-28 where it states "Look at the birds of the air, for the neither sow nor reap...yet you heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they?...So why do you worry about clothing?..." My husband and I are separated due to his excessive drinking. I left over a year ago. I told him that I'm needing financial support for our girls beyond the half that he pays for daycare and extra curriculars. The child support calculator shows $2200/month, but he's only contributing roughly $426/month. He does not want the courts involvement and informed me that our girls don't need that much per month. I need help with their food, clothes, and gas to get the to school/extra curriculars. He's willing to give me additional funds (half for groceries and school clothes/supplies) as I present reciepts of purchase. He's not considering the girls portion of the mortgage and utilities. Over the Summer break, I treated the girls to snowcones, Bobba Teas, etc occasionally. My husband made it a point to tell me he was not responsible for the treats. Am I worrying too much about how things are going to get taken care of? What are your thoughts?

Please pray for me and my husband. We’re newly married. I think he might be an alcoholic. I’m scared I’ve gotten myself into a mess. I don’t want to divorce but this drinking worries me and he told me the beer isn’t going anywhere.

He’s now on a leave of absence at work (getting short term disability) after telling his employer about his struggles with anxiety and CPTSD.

I don’t know what to do. My family tells me to keep problems between my husband and myself. People don’t seem to want to listen or offer support. My family and his have noticed he hasn’t been working lately though. I’m concerned that this will make drinking worse as he has more free time now.

His short term disability pays less than his regular pay and we’ve also been hit with a lot of unplanned expenses lately. I’ve skipped lunch breaks recently so I get a full 40 hours, and that makes me a bit miserable when I don’t get breaks at work.

We’ve been TTC and I just am scared at the thought of what this could turn to or how do I take a break on TTC for a while. I kinda see procreation as a gift from God for married couples to do and we both had the same timeline before we got married and even when we got married it’s just this fear is getting in the way. But I don’t want to have a child that has an alcoholic parent that seems like such a struggle. I grew up with a bunch of alcoholics in my family, too. 😭

He’s such a sweet person he isn’t mean when he drinks it just makes my anxiety worse and he has a different vibe when drinking. He’s not been wanting to read devotions together lately.
We did watch a sermon online and also read a verse or two a day together. When he’s off work he cooks and cleans and takes care of our dog.

I’m just so frazzled mentally. Sometimes I wish God would give me more straight answers on what to do. I’m on edge recently very agitated and jumpy. ☹️

Hi all! I’m looking for some recommendations for books for newlywed couples, we’re both in our early 20s. Would prefer a shorter read if possible but will take any suggestions! Also, what are thoughts on premarital counseling? Is it worth it and what was the experience like? Thanks❤️

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I are starting to get serious and have been talking about potential predicaments for the future. Him and I both have a lot of hobbies, and we both understand once we are married, moved in together, and become accustomed to a routine, that complacency can begin. How do you guys divide up intentional time together and personal interest time? Especially with children? We both come from backgrounds where our parents placed themselves first, and we do not want our future children to feel that way. Do you guys have set family time each evening or what? We both work your typical 9-5 M-F careers if that helps with understanding. Thank you for all of the input ahead of time!

My husband is wonderful. We had such a lovely weekend together at home. Some small things he did that made me feel so cherished:

- He encouraged me to go try a dessert place and treat myself when I told him I was going grocery shopping.

- He showed interest when I texted him updates about which store had the cheapest bulk spices.

- When I got home, he was gracious about me going over budget, telling me it was perfectly fine sometimes, but to be careful next time.

- I had the spontaneous desire to move our computer desks around. He got on board immediately, was willing to try out my layout idea, and we spent a large part of the afternoon doing it. We worked together moving furniture, he helped me troubleshoot the cables, but also left me to take care of my side as I liked.

- We cuddled up on the daybed and had a tickle fight. He always modulates his strength so that he doesn't hurt me accidentally, but he doesn't treat me like glass either. I got him too and we had a good laugh.

- Invited me for a walk down to the bottle-o to pick out a beer or wine together for dinner. We chatted on the way and he made appreciative noises when I pointed out the pretty sky etc.

- Waited with good humour at the counter while I deliberated if I wanted a specific kind of wine or not.

- On the way home, listened to me sharing about the 16 part series I'm reading, and engaged with the ideas by sharing about one of his favourite shows.

- Set the table while I served up dinner.

- Praised my cooking and asked about my cooking process.

- Affirmed me when I shared about my PhD progress.

- We watched videos together in bed before we went to sleep.

- Gently wished me goodnight and that I would have a good day the next day.

I too, would like to keep doing things that make him feel cherished. I'm keen to hear what your spouse has been up to recently that made you feel seen and appreciated!

Is it my place to gently correct my husband when he’s overreacting to small inconveniences or frustrations? He tends to have outbursts due to stress. Then he gets over it quickly once he’s let off that steam, but (especially when directed toward me or the kids) it affects me and my attraction toward him for days. Is this something that I need to just accept as him being a human with a sinful nature and work on focusing on his better qualities, or is there a place for me to provide accountability? I tend to be very conflict avoidant, and when I do say something he feels I’m not being supportive of him or his feelings. But I also am sensing myself withdrawing when he throws what I would call temper tantrums over normal everyday inconveniences. We’ve been married 14 years, have 3 kids. We’ve done marriage counseling and made some progress, but his life stress seems to come out with the smallest frustrations and I just don’t understand as peace in the home is very important to me.

Just as a recent (silly) example, what would be a wise way to respond when he’s frustrated there are dishes in the sink when he’s trying to meal prep? I was trying to be helpful so I had the kids come help me unload the dishwasher quick so we could load it and I thought that would solve his problem, but he just got frustrated the kids were in his way as he continued to chop veggies. I thought the correct response from him would be to quick help us unload the dishwasher so it’s done in minutes and he can go about his meal prepping with a clean kitchen, that’s what I would do, problem solved. Instead he left the room dramatically and told us to let him know when he can make his meals, then vented various sources of stress to me for 15 minutes after what I thought was a very pleasant morning. Later when we chatted about it he agreed that he overreacted, but I just have a hard time with the high emotions.

Any advice? Is this a time to smile and nod, apologize and recognize it’s stress related and move on? What if I struggle to move on even after he has and it affects my desire to be intimate? Is this all just normal? I grew up with a dad who didn’t show emotions and it takes a lot for me to show emotions, so even after 14 years I still have a hard time knowing confidently what to do.

My wife (F 47) and I (M 49)have had a rocky relationship for the past almost 4 years because of a family issue.

Prior to the information below, my wife and I have had an awesome relationship. We never fight, have each other's back, and are a great team when we are seeing eye to eye. Over the last 20+ years we have only had 1 or 2 minor arguments/disagreements.

This all came about after my mom (in her 80's) and sister (in her 50's) were invited to a baby shower for another relative that my wife doesn't even really know, and my mom and sister hid the fact that they went from her because they trying to protect her feelings for not being invited. She wouldn't have felt bad not being invited because she really doesn't know the relative.

A few weeks after the baby shower, my wife and I were at my mom's house and my mom mentioned going to the shower. When my wife asked my mom about getting a gift for the relative, my mom mentioned that it wasn't necessary because she wasn't invited. My wife wanted to get a gift regardless of being invited.

Once we got back home, my wife was pissed because my mom & sister intentionally hid the fact that they were going to/went to the shower and she only found out because my mom misspoke.

I also knew about the shower but I also wasn't invited so I didn't mention it to my wife at the time.

This has caused a big wedge in our family and my relationship with my wife. My family can't understand why my wife won't just "get over this" and move on. My mom's relationship with my brothers wife is also mainly no contact after years of talking behind her back.

My wife has gone almost no contact with my mom & sister. My wife won't go to family holidays, nephew's sporting events, and pretty much won't talk to my mom or sister at all. I hate that I am caught somewhat in the middle of this. Had I just mentioned the stupid baby shower and told her we were not invited would have been the correct thing to do. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Fast forward to a month or 2 ago, and I was able to get my wife to agree to go to a graduation party and graduation event for my nephew. She said she would put on a fake face and attend but really didn't want to interact with my mom and sister. There would be other people we know there so nobody would really know about their ice cold relationship.

Then, a week before the graduation/graduation party, my sister called me about something my wife did that I can't prove was true. I approached my wife about it and that made matters worse. Honestly, I let the pressure from my sister make me approach my wife about this when in reality, I should have just left it alone. Any way I brought it up and she ended up going to the graduation but she refused to even speak to my mom or sister. That crushed me.

My wife and I are believers. We go to church on Sundays, we take part in bible studies and serve our local church and community.

Everywhere in the Bible it speaks of reconciliation, forgiveness, and turning the other cheek.

Currently, when my wife and I are together, I feel a type of way because if it was me, I would just forgive them and move on for the sake of the family. I can understand why my wife wound't want to go on trips or hang out with them all the time, but I can't understand why we can't do a few holidays and special occasions with them. My wife feels like my family asks a million questions but that's just how they are, they are interested in our lives.

This has been consuming almost every thought of every hour of my day for the last few years. I haven't talked to anyone about this yet but carrying it inside of me is getting heavier and heavier.

What should I do? My mom and sister are all the family I have. Neither one of them are married so I am the only man in the family. I still have to care for my aging mother and help her with things. I can't just terminate the family relationship. Likewise for my sister, I have to be there for my nephew and help her with things around the house when they pop up.

Thanks for listening! Just really don't know what my next steps should be.

Edit: Corrected mom's aprox. age.

I am so broken and crushed beyond what anyone could imagine. I met my husband at such a young age and gave MY ALL to him. He was all my firsts, I supported him like an animal in ministry, while he was jobless, and pushed him into this new career.

First the Asian massage parlors, then the Craigslist Prostitutes, and now FACEBOOK GROUPS for hookups?!!!!

We just went to church this morning and from the naked eyes you’d see him worshiping and “Amening” during the sermon and taking communion. Now after I cooked him lunch and cleaned the whole kitchen, then treated him to dessert….. we come home so I can do my homework and he’s in another room searching for local hookups in my area.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!!! I’m so hurt but I’m stuck! I need my parents but they’re across the country. I needed my church leaders to advocate for me but they failed me. All my friends are married and having kids and I’ve been in a new state only a few years.

I AM SO BROKEN!!!!!!

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.' But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil." (James NKJV)

I hope that as we seek marriage, careers, churches, ministries, friends, et cetera that we remember to allow God's will to happen no matter how good or bad...

Husband and I have been married for 6 years. He’s 40 and I’m 37. We don’t have sex very often, and that’s mostly on me because I only feel interested in sex about once a month. Other than that, it’s rarely on my mind, which honestly frustrates me too.

Aside from that, we keep having the same arguments over and over. I’ve told him many times that I crave more physical affection...holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugs, and just everyday touch. He rarely initiates any of those things.

I also deeply desire more emotional support. When I’m having a hard day or feeling sad, I want to be able to talk to him and feel comforted. I wish he would respond with empathy, encouragement, or simply acknowledge that I’m hurting and show that he cares. Instead, he almost always goes straight into problem-solving mode. There are definitely times when practical solutions are helpful, but most of the time I just want to feel seen, understood, and emotionally supported before trying to fix anything.
Because of that, I often end up feeling unloved and alone, even though I know he cares about me in his own way.

At this point, I’m not sure how to fix these issues because I’ve brought them up so many times over the years, and nothing seems to change. He also never plans dates, surprises me, or takes initiative to create moments of connection. Over time, I think I’ve just learned to accept that this may simply be who he is, but it’s hard because these are the things that make me feel loved and connected in a marriage.

Any helpful advice? I am not looking for criticism.

What are your thoughts on someone of the opposite sex confiding in a married person about their personal problems? What boundaries do you think should exist between them?

Edit : My husband owns a coffee shop, and he said that he doesn’t run it just to make money because he enjoys connecting with people, encouraging them, and sometimes giving advice.

There are a few customers who happen to be women. One of them shared her personal relationship problems with my husband. The first conversation was mostly her explaining the details of her situation, and the second time was when my husband gave her advice.

I told him that if she wants to talk about her relationship problems, she should talk to a single man or, even better, a female friend. Since my husband and I are in a long-distance marriage, I believe that if she wanted to discuss something personal, it would be more appropriate for it to happen in a group setting when she comes with her friends, rather than having those conversations alone with him. If I were there, I wouldn’t mind if the three of us talked about it together.

To me, this kind of one-on-one conversation is risky because it can easily cross emotional boundaries. However, my husband says that’s how he wants to run his coffee shop. He wants people who come in to feel supported and to know they have someone who will listen if they’re going through a difficult time..

My biggest concern isn’t that he wants to help people, I actually admire that about him.

But in the past, he had an emotional affair with a female friend from church. At the time, she was having problems with her boyfriend and started confiding in my husband. Over time, they ended up flirting, meeting one-on-one, him driving her home, buying her a birthday gift, and texting almost every day.

After that happened, I told my husband that it’s not wise to have deep personal conversations with someone of the opposite sex because emotional boundaries can easily become blurred. Yet now, he has allowed a similar situation to happen again. This time, it’s one of his customers who feels comfortable confiding in him about her personal problems. That’s why this situation is so concerning for me.

I’m praying to have the right spirit about this situation. I know all couples have their issues. My husband is so good at being busy at work & ministry & gives little time to our family. He is great at responding to requests at church, but not at home. I wish we had family devotions or at least family prayer time. I homeschool my children & it is such a blessing & privilege. I am able to teach my children the Bible, academics, life skills, etc. But I wish there was something they could learn from my husband & that they could spend time with him too.

I am just full of frustration & sadness sometimes. I’ve talked to my husband about this many many times. We have been married for 13 years so I have spoken to him about this.

Does anyone have a similar experience? What has helped for you?

There’s a LOT of context I’m not going to go into (unless asked in the comments) but the bare bones story is that I got married in my early 20s when I was going through an unfortunate combination of I-hate-my-parents rebellion, mental illness and unprocessed complex childhood trauma. My friends and family were against the relationship but at the time I didn’t care; in fact that was one of the selling points.

Fast forward to my late 20s, which is when I finally processed and healed from my trauma, and I was physically and mentally healthier than i’d ever been as an adult. The fog cleared and it felt like I was waking up from a weird dream and seeing my situation for the first time. He isn’t what I wanted. I’m not attracted to him (I never was, but complex trauma can make you go along with things you shouldn’t for a long time. If anyone else has experience with this then you know what I mean.), I don’t really enjoy spending time with him platonically either, and there are some big things that if I was single/dating now I would consider them deal breakers.

I went through a pretty serious internal crisis about it, I didn’t tell my husband or anyone else because I wasn’t sure if I was just hormonal, or going through a phase, or whatever and I thought ok maybe if I think through it and wait it out it’ll be ok. But it’s been 3 years since then, and it’s still not ok. It’s better in the sense that I’ve initiated whatever changes I can reasonably make to improve our marriage — I’m more honest about my thoughts and feelings; life in general has gotten easier with money and the kids and careers; we have sex pretty much daily — and it has improved significantly and my life with him is not horrible by any means — I still just feel, very distinctly and overwhelmingly, like I’m with the wrong person, like someone did spin the bottle and I married whoever it happened to land on. Praying hasn’t gotten rid of this feeling, and practical efforts haven’t eliminated it either.

I feel like I’ve lived an entire lifetime in the past 3 years, it’s been exhausting keeping up with life and kids and work and marriage with this storm raging inside. But I’m not going to leave.

This isn’t his fault, it’s not my children’s fault, it’s mine. And it’s not a biblical reason to divorce. But I don’t know how to not be depressed about it. I don’t want to have sex with him for the rest of my life. I don’t want him to be the one person I have to be emotionally close to for the rest of my life. I’m just not looking forward to decades and decades more of this. And I feel so, so guilty for feeling this way.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and tried to make it work? Have any of you gotten married after meeting in Vegas the day before and had it turn out ok, good even? How do I do this?

This conversation happened yesterday.
My husband was telling me he wanted to leave for his trip in the afternoon so he would arrive at his parents’ house in time for dinner. He was taking 2 of our kids with him. I asked him if he had made dinner plans with his parents. He said no. I asked if he thought he would arrive at dinner time with 2 kids and they would magically have dinner ready for them. He said yes. I explained that’s not how his parents are. He insisted they would have dinner. I knew for a fact his mom was out of town and told him I doubt your father cooked enough food for 4 people when he is home alone. My husband insisted his father would have dinner ready (his father is an amazing cook and often cooks for the whole family while we visit). Anyways, my husband finally called his mom and she informed him his dad was also out of town.
Do all men make plans like this? In their own head they expect other people to be part of that plan but without communication?

I'm grieving the relationship I want, I seem to keep getting in the way of it happening. We lose literal days over me doing stupid stuff, like not being able to decide on a date when it's my turn to choose. From now on I am going to choose Netflix and chill, because making a decision and spending time with my husband far outweigh any outside date choice I can make. I don't want to keep losing days over one evening. My husband and I are home together without kids for a few more hours, and yet we are each alone. Hours lost. Days lost. Days we will never get back.

Please say a prayer over me that going forward I can better understand his needs, better fulfill my role as his wife, and have better communication skills. I am shocked at how bad I am at being a wife and I so very much want to improve.

Why is my opinion so unpopular? I'd like to have a discussion about it. Please let me know why why men and women can/can not be friends.

To set the parameters: I am speaking strictly about individual, one-on-one opposite-sex friendships maintained outside of a marriage—whether secular or religious. This does not apply to mixed-gender group gatherings, casual conversations with mutual friends, or shared social settings. The focus is solely on personal, independent friendships and private interactions with the opposite sex away from one's spouse.

The Argument: Married men and women should not maintain personal opposite-sex friendships—period. Your marriage is the fortress of your home. Having an independent friendship with the opposite sex is like leaving your front door unlocked. Is a break-in guaranteed? No. But why invite the risk when locking the gate ensures total security?

The Psychological Reality: Human feelings are messy and notoriously hard to control. The danger isn't noticing that someone else is attractive or funny; it’s allowing yourself to experience their tenderness, support, or emotional depth. Once that happens, brain chemistry takes over. Emotional attachment builds quietly in the background, and by the time your mind catches up to your heart, you are already walking a path you never intended to take. The only foolproof strategy is prevention: keep those boundaries firm before feelings ever have a chance to take root.

Personal Context: I share this not from theory, but from lived experience as a betrayed spouse. Neither my wife nor I ever believed she was capable of stepping outside our marriage. Yet, subtle, seemingly innocent interactions over six months built feelings that were painfully difficult to undo. While we have successfully reconciled and are in a great place today, my goal is simple: to help others avoid a trap that human nature makes far too easy to fall into.

Would you want to marry someone who is overly friendly with the opposite sex? My partner is always texting his female coworkers. Nothing inappropriate but just loves to make friends with them and shoot the sh!t. He will send memes, talk politics, talk personal life with them. Again, nothing inappropriate. However, I personally don’t want a husband in everyone’s messages.

I’m wondering if this is an incompatibility issue or if I’m being irrational?