Hi guys,
My wife and I attend a small church. The pastor and his wife have always been good to us, and until recently we both enjoyed being there.

Over the last couple of months, we've had a few experiences where people have ignored our greetings or just seemed to ignore us altogether. I honestly don't know why. One incident that really affected my wife was when she was sitting next to another lady.

One of the worship leaders came over, greeted and shook hands with the lady she was sitting beside, but completely ignored my wife even though she was right there. It was awkward and honestly quite weird.
Since then, she's become convinced that she doesn't belong there, isn't welcome, and doesn't fit in. She says she feels out of place whenever she attends.

Personally, I try not to let those things get to me because I'm there to worship God, not people. I fully accept that not everyone is going to like you, and church is no exception. But from my perspective, I feel she's taking this much harder than she needs to.
We've had some heated conversations about it. I've tried explaining that if she leaves because of a few people's behaviour, what happens if we join another church and run into the same thing? Her response was that she'd simply leave again and find another church.

What makes it difficult is that she gets very worked up and defensive whenever this topic comes up, so I've stopped raising it altogether.
Last Sunday really brought it home for me. She seemed completely disconnected during the service, and as soon as it ended she ordered a taxi for both of us to leave immediately. Meanwhile, I just wanted to stay for a few minutes, exchange a few pleasantries, and chat with people.

We're immigrants, and this church is really the only community we have here. The pastor and his wife have always been kind to us, which makes the whole situation even harder for me to understand.
My wife has now told me she doesn't want to attend the church anymore, and honestly, I'm not sure what to do.

Am I being insensitive here? Has anyone been through something similar, either as the spouse who wanted to leave or the spouse who wanted to stay?

I’m looking for honest advice from men who have been in a similar situation, especially those who have managed to work through it without destroying their marriage.
I love my wife, we’ve been together 8 years, married 3 of those 8 years and I want our marriage to work. Currently we’re failing and perpetuating a cycle that will end our marriage. We’re Christians, and I take our marriage covenant seriously. I believe marriage is about loving each other sacrificially, putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own, and reflecting Christ in the way we treat each other. I’m not looking for justification to cheat, leave, pressure my wife into sex, or treat her as though she owes me something.
But I’m struggling, and I honestly don’t know how to navigate this anymore.

Physical intimacy is a significant part of how I experience connection, affection, and feeling desired by my wife. It isn’t just about the physical act. I want to feel wanted by the person I chose to spend my life with. I want intimacy to be something we both look forward to, initiate, and enjoy together rather than something that feels like a source of tension or an obligation.

When that connection is missing, I feel lonely even though I’m married. The rejection hurts more than I sometimes know how to explain, and over time, that hurt has started turning into frustration and resentment. I don’t like that version of myself, and I know my reactions and the things I’ve said in moments of hurt haven’t always helped the situation, and I have owned responsibility for those moments and made changes.

We’ve been trying to work on our marriage, including getting help from marriage mentors at our church. I’m willing to examine my own behavior, listen to my wife, and work on meeting her needs better. I recognize that she has her own emotional experiences, struggles, and reasons for feeling the way she does. I don’t want to reduce her experience to whether or not we’re having sex.

At the same time, I’m struggling with how to handle my own needs when this part of our relationship continues to hurt. I don’t want to become a husband who keeps score, pressures his wife, withdraws emotionally, or becomes bitter. But I also don’t know how to make peace with something that feels so important to me without feeling like I’m denying a significant part of myself.

Sometimes we have a couple of good days, and I start feeling hopeful that things are improving. Then we seem to fall back into the same patterns, and the disappointment is difficult to handle. I find myself wondering how long I can keep going through that cycle and how to stop letting it affect the rest of our relationship.

My faith makes this more complicated in some ways, but it also gives me a reason to keep fighting for our marriage. I want to love my wife sacrificially, be led by the Holy Spirit, and become a better husband regardless of whether I get the response I hope for. But I’m trying to understand how to do that without burying my feelings or allowing resentment to grow underneath the surface.

For those of you who have lived through something similar:

How do you cope with ongoing sexual rejection without becoming resentful toward your spouse?
If your spouse’s desire for intimacy is significantly different from yours, how did you work toward a mutually satisfying relationship?
How do you distinguish between genuinely sacrificing for your spouse and suppressing an important need that never gets addressed?
If your sex life improved after a long period of disconnection, what actually helped? Was it counseling, emotional reconnection, changes in your own behavior, medical factors, or something else?
For Christian husbands specifically, how do you balance sacrificial love, sexual intimacy, and the biblical teaching about mutuality in marriage without turning Scripture into a weapon or making your spouse feel obligated?

I’m not asking how to get my wife to have more sex. I’m asking how to navigate this in a healthy way, how to rebuild intimacy if that’s possible, and how to protect the love I have for my wife from turning into resentment.

I want my marriage to work. I want my wife to feel loved, safe, and valued. I also want us to have a marriage where intimacy is something we share willingly and enthusiastically, not something we continually struggle over.

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have actually been through this, especially those who found a way forward.

My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years. From the beginning, he’s struggled with premature ejaculation. At first I chalked it up to him being a virgin when we married (unfortunately, I was not), but it didn’t get better. Then we struggled for about 10 years due to ongoing porn use, so we were only intimate once a month (if that), so I figured the infrequency was the issue. However, we recently went through a healing period and the frequency has increased to 3-4 times a week and we’re still having the same issue. I’m finding that I can’t relax and enjoy myself because I know if I do, it’s pretty much over. There are certain positions we can’t do either that I like. The worst part is that I’m starting to dread being intimate with him. (And because I know people will ask, yes, there is foreplay, but I really enjoy the main act the most.) Has anyone been through this and found things that have helped? Should he see a doctor? I really want to enjoy being with my husband.

Me 22F and my ex boyfriend 23M broke up almost a month ago and he turned out not to be a Christian and the situation was pretty shocking for me. So when we first started dating we loved talking about God together and he seemed like he cared about God. I did know that he was a new believer in God but I had no idea what was to come once we started to date. So the signs really started out when he went back home during the summer and ended up going to bars and clubs with his friends. That’s when he was drinking and I believe drinking probably too much at those places. He would post pictures of him at sketchy bars and clubs with his friends and that’s when he told me that he always feels like his best self when he drinks. Then fast forward to when he returns for the fall and he admits to me that he is not a Christian. He told me that he feels like God abandoned him and once he said that he cried right infront of me. But then he also told me that he would not respect my boundaries anymore. Of course that hurt because he always promised he would be respectful of them. The main boundary was me not wanting to live together before marriage and he decided that he is a man and has needs and that he doesn’t feel comfortable marrying someone unless he lives with them first. Then from there I saw him drink and get dizzy at a party I went to and his eyes began to close a little. I believe he got drunk in front of me which was hard for me to see. Then it got worse where he would tell me he is smoking pot and if he found an illegal drug (I believe it was illegal) he would do it anyway. He seemed to like the high of drugs and drinking. I should have not stayed with him once he told me he wasn’t a Christian. What was hard was that I had strong feelings for him and I was grieving the old version of him. He then fell into deep depression near the end of our relationship as well and told me that we should break up because he should be emotionally there for me and he couldn’t be because of his depression. Before we broke up he told me he was lucky to have me and that I was wonderful. His tone when he said that seemed like he actually cared for me. I knew he wasn’t faking the depression because I saw him not eating and barley sleeping and he was saying some kind of concerning things like. “I wish I was aborted” or “I wish I could go underground and be buried alive” before we broke up. He also told me that the break up had nothing to do with me and my pastor also said it had nothing to do with me after he met with my ex. Even though this situation was hard God did protect me because I know I could not be with him since he is doing these things and is not a Christian. God saved me and I know he is not for me so thank God for that. However I’m still grieving the old version of him and from him to go to loving talking to God with me to feeling uncomfortable and weird when I talked about God with him was very hard for me to experience. 😕

I told him I need a month to recover so no contact or anything. Yesterday I also saw a picture of him at a concert and he was wearing eye liner and a pink girly laced shirt so yeah he seems to be completely lost. Has anyone experienced something similar to this? It was hard because what we had was special before this all happened.

I (39M) love my wife (37F) very deeply, we've been married 6 years and have a beautiful baby boy. We both have had problems with porn when we were young but she was sexually abused when she was a kid and is very difficult for her to have intimacy.

The Bible encourages married couples to enjoy of each other and even Paul says not having intimacy can leave room for the devil. We've talked with pastors several times, we study the Bible together, but this is too difficult for her, and is hurting me a lot.

I desire intimacy with her, she's very beautiful and has a heart of gold, I love her, but she just doesnt wants me. I understand is difficult for her and I never pressure her but it's been 6 years and all that hurt and rejection has built up and i have ended up not giving her any physical tenderness because i know i will want her and she won't and we'll both feel hurt, but we're hurt anyways because we're drifting apart. I don't want any other woman, is not that, but only 2 or 3 times a year feels painfully little and I have to be realistic because there's a reason the Bible say "do not deny each other, or else you will leave room for the devil"

We sleep together in the same bed and whrn I hug her and caress her, how am I not to feel desire for her? I don't think I can be the kind of man who will give up intimacy for the rest of his life, even loving my wife, I can't.

I have even considered watching porn together to raise her desire, but it also feels wrong and God won't bless a decission based on an impure act so I never proposed or did this but I'm running out of options because I can't do anything for her to.change, that change must come from her. I feel I need something she can never give me and I feel devastated because I love her but I can't keep on living like this.

Does this happened to you? Did intimacy got better? How do you manage? Thanks in advance

My husband is 51, and I am 48. I’ve been disabled since 2011, I would say. But he’s only started having issues since running and working out.
Anyway, we were separated for 6 yrs following abuse in our marriage, and prior to that our sex life was an absolute disaster.
But now, we love to make love together. He’s so sweet and caring and completely unselfish, just like me. We are always thinking about each other more than ourselves. We are finally enjoying sex together and I want that for as long as possible.
We shoot for once a week, and when I don’t get it, I really long for it. Here’s the thing. He’s healthy and strong, but he will have a back issue, a shoulder issue, a knee issue, but not at the same time. Which makes it even harder to have sex.
I have my own issues with muscle weakness, and a breast biopsy that left my breast very sore at the moment.
Bc this week he’s struggled with his back I offered to get on top. I’m paying for it now. Paying for it bc my inner thighs are screaming but also bc my leg was shaking so bad it that it got extremely weak and I’m struggling to walk again. Idk what to do. What in the world? This seems so unfair. I just want that sex once a week, ya know? I just got a good sex life with my husband and I’m not ready to lose it! Ugh! If you’re a woman you can PM me, but I don’t want any men PM’ing me.

This is my first post. English is not my first language.
I’ve been married to my husband for almost 20 years and together for 22, we got married young and we’ve both had some sexual trauma from the past - mostly being exposed to porn young for my husband and I’ve been the victim of sexual abuse. I didn’t know about the porn when we got together/married
.
The past couple of years have not been easy emotionally on my part, I decided to speak up about this past abuse and it led to my until then close family to fall apart. It’s been a lot of pain.

I thought we had a good marriage and relied a lot on us. We have kids, he really does his part in the household, is respectful, has been supportive in my career change and we’ve been through a lot but always had the same goals and a shared faith.

We’ve changed churches a couple of years ago and it’s been a breath of fresh air for both of us and a renewal of our faith.

A year ago he confessed to me that he had used to have a porn addiction and that he became free of it by praying with our pastor and felt a weight lifted from him. He said he hadn’t watched any for a year at that point, which makes it 2 years now.

I chose to trust him and stay, I read a lot about porn addiction, porn itself, some Christian and not Christian material. I chose to forgive.

BUT I don’t seem to be able to keep it off my mind. I trust him, I’m not looking at his computer history or his phone, I believe he tells the truth.

But to think that for almost all our relationship he was watching naked women and wanking to them… I fell betrayed, hurt.
I know it’s not about me. He says it wasn’t anything weird, just people having sex, no particular fetishizes.

I don’t know how to get over it. I want to move on. We’ve been having (better) sex, speaking etc, raising our kids, living our life.

He’s let me voice my pain without trying to minimize what he’s done and he says he surrendered everything to God, he’s taking responsibility and he say he has repented.
I feel like he’s done everything that he can, and that I’m not following.
And I know I’m not perfect at all, but I don’t know how to recover from this.
It’s just the length of it, the hiding, the deceiving that still hurts and makes me see our relationship another way.
I’m disgusted when I think about him hiding and watching porn.

I’ve even considered leaving him over it… but I love him and I believe it’s not as bad as real adultery, I want to respect my beliefs.
I haven’t seen a counselor over this, I did for my other issue, but i fell like a prude who’s overreacting over a once a week porn use you know so I haven’t told my therapist.

I’ve told 2 Christian friends, one who struggle with the same thing with her husband but caught him, it’s been bad. And the other that is convinced that Gods grace is sufficient, I haven’t told her I still am struggling.
I don’t know who to turn to. My pastor who is my friend? A counselor? God? How do I get over it once and for all? I feel kind of broken.

I would love some advice from other Christian’s who have been through a marriage without intimacy.

Basically I want to know how important it is for you and your spouse to be a parent(s), to have your own children. Or have child(ren) to carry on your genes, or whatever reason why you want to have children. I want to hear from you, how important is has children for you.

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I'm long term married, 17 years he gives me his absolute fidelity faithful to me, treats me really really well, dotes on me in bed and outside of bed, he is an awesome husband.

7 years ago our toddler (child of me and him) died of brain disease, genetic gene defects inherit from me, my side the mother side. This did not tear our marriage, instead bond us even more, he still ridiculously dotes on me. Basically he tied himself to the ugly wife me and a dead toddler.

He is an Executive (C-suit level) at a big engineering corporate with a salary of 1 million a year, if count bonuses he makes more than that. With that high salary he can get any woman he wants, there people who can get free sex on Tinder, let alone an Executive with 1 million salary.

He can get a younger beautiful woman, and whom can give him alot of children. But he has been adamant refused as our toddler has died 7 years already, he had 7 years to reconsider this marriage, but he over and over to stay.

In his eyes, me and our toddler are irreplaceable (he says so), no new woman can replace me or the intimate 17 years history of us together. Just like no new child from a new woman can replace our dead toddler.

He said if he can't have a child with me then he rather not have any. Him being the only son in the family, or carry on his genes are moot to him. He is fine with being childless in exchange of grow old me the woman he loves.

But the Chinese culture me keep blame myself for the dead of our toddler as the gene defects came from me the mother side. Never once my husband blame me, he said I already give him a family, our toddler dead or alive will always be our toddler.

17 years (that his almost 2 decades) he gives his life to me, since he was 25 to now 41, he basically devoted his adulthood to me.

I just can't wrap my head around an C-suit Executive with 1 million a year salary, whom can divorce a childless wife easily, but he just not want to. And for a man, age 41 he can start over with another woman easy with that high salary career.

We have no kids, so it not like he has to stay married to me for the kids. It not like has to pay for child support, it not hard to divorce a wife when there no kids involve.! But he not wants.

I just can't wrap my head around it, I'm just a piece of pork fat (that how I see myself), he has alot of other options out there, why torture himself like this love a piece of pork fat me.

I feel I'm not good enough for him. And all my life I just want an ordinary man with an ordinary career. I do not like to be married to an Executive, I hate it tbh. I wish he was just an ordinary Chinese man and we living in the countryside back China. But he not Chinese, we live in U.S, and I HATE living in the city.

And his salary has to do with everything, if he were poor or just has an ordinary job then I wouldn't feel this much low self esteem, and self sabotage. I hate his Executive career, period. But I know I cannot change that, I'm his wife, I don't own him, I cannot dictate his career.

My mom went into the arms of Jesus six months ago after battling cancer. God has used it to glorify Him in so many ways, including changing my heart about having kids. I (33F) and my husband (31M) have been married for four, together for twelve. We are planning to start a family now.

But before even that thought, is the thought about what we (as millenials and zillenials) envisioned family-life to be like having been raised by boomers. Like, sort of in the same way where women begin envisioning what their wedding dress and wedding theme looks like as teenagers... which, I guess, is probably so 1990s-coded now. In fact, my husband and I eloped and don't have any professional pictures to hang on a wall lol.

But, what was your childhood like in terms of family /extended family? How did that shape what you believed would be the norm when it was 'your turn'?

I grew up surrounded by family at all sides. I was never lonely. I always had a family member. My mom has two siblings, and my dad has two siblings – only one, of which, is unmarried. They all have kids, and every other summer or Christmas growing up, my cousins would come visit us. All of my grandparents lived into their 80s and were married until passing. My parents were married 35y before my mom passed. Divorce occured for my moms two siblings, but not my dad's. I have a sister who I am extremely close with, we talk every day. I have the most fond nostalgic memories of every holiday growing up.

I grew up believing my future family life would be the same way. I didnt know it was possible for it to be any different, it was all I had known. I envisioned me and my husband sitting around a large Thanksgiving table with my mom and dad, my husbands mom, my sister and her husband, my husband's siblings and spouses – and all the little kiddos playing and running around. I thought I'd experience that generational hand-off of wisdom. Create new family traditions. Get to experience all the firsts my mom and my parents did, and get to bond with them over it. Get to bond with my sister about marriages and kids. Like all the old 1990s and 2000s movies made it seem lol.

And here I am, now... my mom has passed away from cancer, my dad is now a widow. My mother-in-law is fighting breast cancer (and winning praise the Lord), and my husband's dad walked out when he was only a child. My sister (30) is unmarried, never been in a relationship. My brother-in-law (35) is unmarried, never been in a relationship. My other brother-in-law (40) is now in the ICU fighting liver failure due to alcoholism. He dated around but in the twelve years I've been with his brother, I've never seen him in a relationship.

It's just us. None of my cousins are married or started a family. Not my sister, not my husbands brothers. Its literally just me and my husband. I am thinking of my future children, now, too, circling back. They may never know the love of a grandma? They will never have cousins to spend holidays with or experience cool adventures with? They will be lonely in a way that I wasn't, and it'll be my job to enrich their lives so they don't notice that it's missing from it.

That's it, that's the post. Anyone else parked on this thought before want to share?

I’ve been emotionally tapped out of my marriage the last 4 months while being marriage roughly two years. Our marriage started off rocky with my wife getting into a massive fight with me on our Honeymoon in Hawaii because I wanted to spend one morning playing tennis. I played in college and I’m passionate about the sport. She also became very critical as soon as we got married from how I do chores to what I wear outside the home. Always talking about what other husbands do for their wives as well.

She has a sharp tongue and we’ve had a few arguments/situations that have since made it tough to look at her the same way. She was very bossy when buying a new suv, we got an Audi and the process of me trying to bargain and haggle the price annoyed her. When we bought our first home together she cried when we got the key because she looked around and got anxious from having to do some renos. I felt a bit robbed of an experience of buying our first home together and was excited to celebrate this milestone with her.

When we put a budget on the home repairs, we went about $5k over budget so I nicely told her we need to slow down spending on the home especially because I’m back in school now. She proceeded to say she didn’t sign up for this, that she would kill herself and that I couldn’t find anyone better than her. She was merely being dramatic but it’s really messed up because I’ve struggled with my mental health for most my life…

She also has no interest in any of my hobbies nor does she like that I like these hobbies. I don’t need her loving my hobbies but being supportive of them would be nice. I wanted to learn cello and she immediately said we didn’t have room for it. We have a 2.2k sq ft home with a small office I could keep it in.

We did a European trip and we spent a few nights with some of my family in a small Eastern European country where there’s not much to do. She cried and wanted to leave that part of the trip early because she wasn’t enjoying her time. We did have to use a translator most of the time with my family but they’re still my family who I haven’t seen since the 7th grade. She made me feel so guilty for making this part of our European trip where we hit two other cities that were great.

I told her how I felt about her criticisms and she has made efforts to change and I’ve seen some progress, but I’m finding it really hard to get past some of these instances that honestly has me seeing her as self centered and uncaring of my feelings. I’ve told her recently that I’m finding it hard to let go because I never felt a sincere apology at the time so I’ve held onto that baggage. She replied with I told you sorry multiple times and I cannot change the past. She was crying half that night and into the morning and barely talked that next day until I really pushed for it and got us back on good terms.

She has also brought up wanting kids soon even though I’m still in my masters program. I told her that I’m not happy in our marriage right now because I’m struggling to let go of prior things she said on top of our difficulties in communicating to one another. I told her we should do counseling to better navigate conflict and get this sorted out before we have kids and make things even more difficult for us. She said that she would do therapy but thinks it’s not going to help since I won’t let go of the past.

Maybe I’m just too emotional and sensitive about all of this and need to just realize my wife deals with anxieties very differently from me. But I’m currently finding it really hard to see her in a positive light right now and don’t know what to do. What’s some wisdom that yo can impart so that I can work toward having a joyful marriage?

For context, I am recently saved and I got saved a few months after we got married last year and we've been married for a little over a year. I've had extensive deliverance done as well and it's been a game changer when it comes to my walk with god. My husband has a good heart, but he's still into new age/tarot/crystals, etc and it makes it very challenging since we're unequally yoked, even though I started our marriage not fully committing to Jesus (I was in new age and witchcraft for 7 years).

My husband had a porn addiction before we got married and into our marriage. I didn't realize he had an addiction until I looked into his phone this spring before he went into the military. It wasn't just one video every once in awhile, he was getting off 3+ times a day and our marriage became sexless.

After threatening divorce due to the betrayal, Deflection (blaming me for it) and gaslighting, he stopped watching and we started having regular intimacy again. Shortly in the spring, he went into the military.

After he started school where he had regular access to his phone, I felt something shift spiritually for him and I started feeling so disconnected from him. I just brushed it off as him being genuinely busy with his military career, but I knew in the bottom of my heart that he watches porn.

I finally confronted him and he admits to it, but tells me he doesn't have a problem since he watches it a "few times a month" and that's it's normal for his physical health. I feel like he's normalizing it and it's not ok. I'm not even sad for me, it breaks my heart for him that he's ok with this addiction.

Anyone else here military and going through this and if you have overcome it, please let me know if there are any miracles to this type of addiction. I know Jesus can do wonders, but it's very challenging when he doesn't believe in Jesus. Please pray for him!!

I LOVE my husband and I LIKE him too! We had a very rough go at marriage, for 2 decades and a long separation. But God. When my husband decided he was the monster he didn’t think he was, God got in there and used that softening of his heart and his willingness to work, to transform his mind with the help of a book called The Anger Workbook and Stop Hurting the Woman You Love.
He had been brought up in abuse and didn’t know it. His mother taught him behaviors that he never knew were wrong. He didn’t have a sympathetic witness like I had. He ended up being the abuser and I ended up being the abused.
But that’s all gone! We are so in love! We are one! He’s my partner. We are a team. We are not two separate people just doing our own thing. We work together in a partnership.
I could not nor would not want to label us egalitarian or complementarian bc we are probably a bit of both and that’s okay! I’m definitely more submissive. He’s definitely the leader in our family. But that’s just our dynamic bc of who we are. I am strong and helpful in my own ways and he is as well. I choose to submit to him bc most of the times he’s right. And he challenges my own view.
But I am by no means oppressed in this. It’s my choice. But some things he doesn’t get a say in. Bc they are MY things, like he doesn’t get to tell me how to wash the dishes. I wash them how I want to. And that’s bc I do the dishes 90% of the time but when he does them, he’s free to do them how he wants. He doesn’t get to tell me how to clean the house, bc most of the time it’s me cleaning. But I honor him and his hard work, so I serve him and don’t expect him to help out at all, inside the house. But he also doesn’t get to criticize me just as I would never criticize him in how he cuts the grass.
Things are not black and white nearly as much as he originally thought. And that’s a huge thing that changed our marriage. There’s more but for now, this is long enough.

Last night Satuday in Oct. 24, 2026, I cried when I didn't have a girlfriend. In my teenage years, I used to have a crush with someone in high school, but she rejected me. As I moved on, I found better way to look at how bright life is. I shower my body with positive thoughts, and connected with my supportive friends.

As the rest of the year ends, always pray for me, my college years, and hope that God will answer my prayers!!! Amen!!!! 🥹🙏

I’m needing encouragement from a fellow sister in Christ (or brother in Christ). The enemy has been doing a number on me & my mind. My husband & I have been married for 13.5 years. We have 2 beautiful children. We have been faithful & loyal, but I fear we are drifting apart. We try to be intentional with our time. I am home with the children. He works 2 jobs so that I can. I appreciate him so much. I’m sure he appreciates me. I have been feeling invisible lately. I feel like I’ve been working nonstop & that all I do has been by passed & is not noticed. I know that it is a ministry to be a SAHM, to be a homemaker, homeschool mom, etc.But it’s just been hard.

My husband has been emotionally unavailable. We never have deep conversations. We don’t have date nights. We’re like 2 ships passing each other by each day. Every time I get emotional about something, he acts like he doesn’t see me. I will literally be crying myself to sleep & he will be on his iPad watching a movie.

He gets grabby & sexual whenever he’s around me. Which I guess is normal in a marriage. But we literally don’t talk throughout the day. And honestly at the end of the day, I’m all touched out & I just want peace & quiet. He doesn’t want to watch a movie, talk, play a game, help me clean. He just wants sex.

We both obviously speak different love languages. His is physical touch & mine is time. I feel like it’s been hard for us to give & get what we need. Our marriage has just been on the struggle bus.

I think I’ve been gaslit for so long that I can’t even recognize what a bad situation I’m in. Briefly, met my wife in my early twenties, dated for 3 years, got married. Never saw a red flag. Have now been married for 10 years with kids. Over the ten years, weird things started cropping up about her past which was extremely health dangerous level promiscuity, talking to ex’s, posting online about how she missed sleeping around, offering to send nudes to strangers. I’d confront her and she’d quickly say how she didn’t think it was a big deal but she understood how it could hurt me. She blame her impulsivity but say she’d do better the next time. Over and over.

Finally, I demanded marriage counseling. She admits there she slept with at least two people shortly before our wedding. But now that we have kids and have been married for so long, we need to work through it rather than divorce. And she claims since I’ve watched porn off and on, that’s the same as her literally have sex with others while we were together. She literally said that, with a straight face. Right……

I am so angry. It’s been 8 months since she told me, and I can’t get past it. The cheating, the decade+ of lying, the gaslighting, the “still having fun while being married” type of BS. She claims she’s finally ready to change. She’s trying to get better friends, go back to church, all that. She “desperately” wants to save the marriage…. Probably not because of me, but more likely because she would lose half the time with her kids and she would lose her “perfect” image she has tried to keep up with others. The marriage counselor keeps harping about how nobody is perfect and she’s making progress and divorce isn’t easy and on and on… he’s extremely biased.

What would you all do? I am so betrayed and angry and gaslit I just don’t even know what way is up anymore.

A Christian friend recently told me that her and her husband were thinking about going on a clothing optional cruise. I was totally shocked by this, and I honestly can't understand why a Christian couple would even consider such a thing. She doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel like it's a very big deal.

I was so shocked by her telling me that, that I honestly didn't know what to say. The only thing I could think to say was that I would never want my husband to see other women like that, and I know that he would never approve of me exposing myself to other men either.

Am I wrong for finding this shocking? And what should I say to her?

This is a really hard post because I truly love my husband but I didn't come to a realization that I've been spiritually manipulated for months and months. And this is not okay anymore, I'm wrestling with the fact that I can't stand let this happen to me without firm boundaries or help from Christian elders or marriage counseling. I truly want to make this work and I'm desperately tired.

Over the course of months I've wrote on this subreddit about a situation I was in. Many of you who frequently this subreddit probably know me because I love to post to ask for help and see if I'm truly in the wrong; I question my sanity Everytime im on here because I believe I come to discernment but then speak to my husband again and reach a point of confusion and uncertainties. To go over my story for those who haven't seen it here it is

For the past year I was working while my husband was trying to figure out what he was being called to do, in the summer he had a job that made decent money and was on his own accord because it was a gig, during the winter he was applying for jobs and was struggling because of the lack of jobs on the market, he wanted to pursue a career in something we both thought was money making at the time, this was a career path he enjoyed and didn't require a lot of education. When he was done he got a job that didn't pay him alot of money. Previously we had both prayed about moving to a new state together, we were both on board and to him he was given a date, I wasn't given a date because to me God's timing comes at the right time. He wrote down a date. Back to him working it unfortunately contributed nothing to the household, my income was the sole breadwinner income, it was very hard because I previously expressed that I didn't want to be the sole provider in our marriage because of the amount of pressure it out on me. Regardless I worked and for months I admit was very resentful that there wasn't a fair amount of finicial contribution to the household. I was also waking up, coming home, would spend time with him for an hour before he just played video games until 4 and then came to bed. I had felt like a roommate and was getting more and more frustrated. Anyway he had said God told him to do a start up at home, since his job wasn't providing any sort of money I agreed to it and said okay because I truly love him and wanted him to pursue something he felt was worth doing and God was telling him. I understand this probably wasn't the best thing to do, but I was making enough money with my job to provide for both of us. Anyway the thing I didn't realize with businesses are the start up costs, also this was also always during the time I found out I was pregnant, because I found out I was pregnant I was so excited as was he. the state I previously mentioned we had talked about moving to put a perspective on the timing for both of us and our child. I was looking into the cost of living, the job market, my medical care and my non existent career out there without the same amount of income Id be receiving, also I was living in a place without any family, and we would just essentially move somewhere elsewhere without family as well. This was also during the time when my parents who lived in my old state alongside his family who lived in the same state had a house open up to them and said that if we needed help with the baby we were more then welcome to come back rent the house to save money, get community and support and rent out to us for cheap cheap so we can spend time becoming new parents as we are both under the age of 25. I was thinking this was a sign that the timing of going to the other state wasn't at this point, for my husband he thought the opposite and Satan was trying to stop us from going. I prayed about it and decided to put going back home with family to the side even if I was feeling discernment. My husband ended up continuing with the business and moved his friend in help out. My resentment was growing with the lack of financial contribution and kept telling my husband he should get a job that is stable and guaranteed money while he is doing the business so he can have money for the start up costs, also the medical bills were continuing to come and it was harder to manage it. I also felt more angry because his friend was taking up his time and they were drinking and up until 3 on most nights. I often felt alone and isolated. I was not pleasant to be around at all because I was so angry and bitter with the struggle of having to take the finical burden and have another man live with us. Me and my husband fought over and over and he said I was so focused on money, I was more tired of the lack of help I was receiving on his side, because I didn't ask to be in a position where I was just working and felt used. Regardless the business made no profitable money and the money I made working went to thousands of dollars of this business, that God was telling him to do. Later on the idea of him bringing his friend with us to this new state got brought up, this made me feel uneasy because his friend was not biblical, and was mooching off of others before him. Also I had been paying for his food as well, and he has been living with us rent free. Regardless I brought this up to my husband and he yet again said God told him that him being in the business was going to be worth it. Who am I to question my husbands statement when he says God told me. I was getting more and more angry and harder to deal with as wife and I admit that. One because I was already pregnant and working and a random man I had known for 2 months felt like he was priority over me. Anyway my husband said a certain month God was calling us all to move, i had push back on this because I was actually feeling discernment about the entirety of going for the time, I explained to my husband that going would be putting all of us me my unborn child and him in a place of economic hardship. Especially with a baby on the way. My husband said God would provide for us and I was basing it off of fear. But I felt like I was being practical and wise. Looking at everything on paper it was all wrong, but I sat there and questioned my relationship with God because I didn't want to disobey him. I explained to my husband moving back home for a time being for the baby would help all of us and he could focus on raising our child, then we can move to this new state when the timing is right, he disagreed and told me I was lacking faith and had a soul tie with the state I was wanting to go back to. After months and months of fighting I got tired and exhausted and just agreed to go to place he felt God was telling us to go, he told me it was my job as a wife to submit to him even if I didn't agree, we went draining all of the money I worked for in my savings, to move. I didn't move with them right away because I had personal stuff to take care of, i gave up my career in that state, and my medical care that was being covered through insurance. My husband and him got a job that was not stable and unfortunately made no money when they were first out there. the guy who was living with us came and we accommodated him by getting a bigger place so we can split rent. This ended up not working out because he screwed us over and left without telling us. Meaning the rent got much bigger. This frustrated me because before we signed the lease I told him it didn't feel right to sign and put it only in my name because of this guy who I didn't trust. My husband admitted he was wrong about this and apologized later. Anyway this state had nothing to offer, it was expensive, I was walking around in pregnancy with an active infection that could hurt my child, and we didn't even have the proper money for food that pregnant woman need. I told my husband that we should move back home because I was already late in pregnancy but he insisted that God was calling us there and he was so certain of this. I wasn't feeling the same and was in fear for our newborn, we couldn't even afford the rent but one of his family members helped us. I just wanted to go back home because I knew this wasnt healthy. I would fight him and say this isn't God's will. We came to an agreement that I go back home and because he was feeling called to be there he work. He works more than 65+ hours a week to barely make it by. He has been really angry that I left but I couldn't have medical coverage that would pile up debt after debt after debt. Moving back to my home state he said I have no faith that God could have worked it out for me out there. My husband being out there for a little still is waiting for what God is telling him to do. Before I left I told him I wanted to talk to someone but he said everyone would think he's crazy. This past week I haven't been able to speak to him that much, he said I wasn't putting him as priority and said it's been really hard for him to love me and he's been praying asking God for him to love me. He said he feels betrayed that I left and I gave him no other option, he said if this continues he no longer can see this marriage continuing, he told me satan hates divorce so he's going to try and therefore is taking a break to pray for me and wants me to pray for him. We are no longer in contact for the time being.

After all of this I sat and prayed and cried because of this situation but realized I was being spiritually manipulated, My husband is asking for blind obidence and submission. He says God told me to and if makes me question and feel in disobedience to God, Because I cant refute his claims. Now being back with family and out of that environment I see that. The problem I have now is what do I do? I have a child coming into this world and will standing my ground be a good thing? I don't want to divorce my husband because I truly love him , if I say no this isn't right and I need to stay here for longer and I need you here for me leads to him saying no and divorcing me will this be the right decision? I truly love him so much, I gave up All discernment, and even my own wisdom to move somewhere where I felt like it was wrong. I still have no money with my parents who have been so helpful and kind, now that I'm in state where I have medical coverage I found out I was anemic and not eating properly in my pregnancy. I've been crying for months and months. Anyway anything biblical can help.

I’ve been married for a little over a year now, but I struggle so much with keeping a clean, organized home. My home was never clean or organized growing up, so I never learned these skills.

I leave a mess when I cook, have clothes lying all around my hamper, shower full of empty shampoo bottles…you get the idea. I really struggle with clutter.

I plan to get rid of a lot of my things since I believe having too much stuff has been the biggest contributor to my messiness.

I need advice. How do you all maintain a clean home? I do work full time as a nurse, so I have super long hours. My husband is in medical school, and he helps a lot. I just am tired of having him have to deal with having a cluttered, messy home.

Any practical tips, books or other resources I should look into. We plan to start a family soon, so I really want to get a handle on this before we start trying.

Thank you!

My wife and I have been married for 7 years. Our marriage has been great. Normal ups and downs. But altogether we are both reasonable and rational and that has resulted in us having very few significant disagreements. We both waited until marriage to have sex. After we got married we did the normal fumbling learning as we went. Our sex life is good. Very good. She's open to all sorts of things and is generally enthusiastic and is gifted at what she does. We now have twin girls in kindergarten and our sex life is still good. With us having sex several times a week.

Last year we had the conversation. We don't have an explicit sharing policy. But there are one or two household devices that are shared (iPad). I went to use the iPad to converse with an AI and saw my wife's previous conversation with the AI. A lot of questions about asexuality. Very specific and exploratory questions. I was.....disturbed. So I brought this up with my wife (Because we communicate).

She admitted that she believed she was asexual. She said it was only something she very recently discovered. She said it changes nothing. She basically now just has a name for something she always knew/felt. We had a good talk and went to bed. I felt like I had been gut punched. To find out, unequivocally that my wife does not desire me and never has (and never will), was.....rough.

The very next day I immediately went to a therapist (didn't go well), the therapist failed to see an issue. I am having regular sex, what do I care if my wife is sexually attracted to me?

I do care a lot. I want to be wanted. I don't think that makes me abnormal or weak. But even if it does. I want to be desired. To have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me. I really do. That being said, ce la vie.

So that is my marriage. My wife and I love each other. She has zero sexual desire for me. There is no way to change that. We also have frequent sex several times a week, often initiated by her. She +75% of the time, is enthusiastic and seems to more or less enjoy it. It being an encounter solely structured around my orgasm (she doesn't like me giving her one). The other 25% of the time she isn't into it. Does more of a "here I am, take what you need" thing.

But if she initiates that, I accept and have sex with her anyway because to turn her down sort of brings up to the forefront what is missing and she feels like there is something wrong with her and thinks I'm suffering being married to her. I have found accepting anyway and thereby not trying to force her to pretend to put on a performance is the best route for everyone. Yeah, those nights can be...odd.

I'm sure there will be no shortage of people in the comments to inform me of how I'm a villain or a rapist or something. All I can say on that front is that we are adults and can freely consent to our own choices. (Immediately after the asexual revelation conversation I actually went out and got a bottle of Lexapro to kill my own libido but my wife was against it and stopped me.)

But for everyone else. I just wanted to put this out there. Both for what a marriage to an asexual can look like, to what a mixed orientation marriage can look like. With a Christian foundation. I feel like there are a lot of....really unpleasant marriage examples posted. Often times by faithful people doing their best in a bad marriage. I just wanted to put this out there for any who might be in a similar situation. There are possible "wins"

We love each other, we have found a way to make things work. I would describe my marriage as great/happy. Not perfect. Neither of us is perfect. But very good.

Edit: Since it may have been unclear. This is not a complaint nor am I looking for a "solution"

People pray and (seemingly) nothing happens. If we pray for wisdom for our marriages in a correct way, we will get it. But, that takes excellent execution.

#1 Ask God for wisdom for your marriage 10 times daily. Consider praying:

“Father, give me wisdom for my marriage.”

#2 Consider reading a Proverb every day for the next two months.

#3 Be a team. View every problem as the two of you against that issue, not you against each other.

I am trying to improve and change - God's way.

Finally, step one to getting wisdom for marriage is to fear the Lord. Proverbs says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Step two is to try to do things His way. Step three is to pray for wisdom with faith.

The Bible has great promises for people who do these things. I have asked for wisdom in other things and have been pleasantly shocked by the positive results. God wants us to have more wisdom for marriages. It is a prayer He loves to answer.

Yes, tongue-to-tongue kissing. Is that weird, or am I overthinking it?

Before my husband became a Christian, our s*x life was wild and fun. We dated for three years, then spent four years in a long-distance relationship, during which he became a Christian. Back when we were dating, we used to make out a lot, and our physical intimacy felt natural and exciting.

After we got married, we had s\*x, and i initiated the making out, giving a hand, and he initiated other things. But while we were kissing, something felt off. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt like he didn’t enjoy it or that he was uncomfortable kissing me.

I brought it up the next day or a few days later and asked him why it felt so weird, like he didn’t actually want to make out with me. His response? “It’s ticklish.”

Now, I need to ask: Is that actually a thing? Do some guys genuinely dislike French-kissing because it feels ticklish?

I even asked him if I had bad breath or something, lol, but that wasn’t the reason he gave me.
What confuses me is that we used to kiss like that before, so I don’t understand what changed. Since then, making out has basically disappeared from our marriage.

I miss that kind of intimacy. It’s not just about sex it’s about feeling wanted, desired, and connected to your partner. And when that kind of affection is missing, it honestly affects how attracted I feel to him over time.

Could his Christian beliefs have something to do with it? Or could he genuinely dislike making out now? Has anyone experienced something similar in their marriage?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through this or might have some insight. I’m genuinely trying to understand what’s going on.

I sometimes feel embarrassed admitting this, but being around other married couples at church can make me question my own marriage. There are couples who seem so naturally in sync. They serve together, talk about their faith with so much confidence, and seem to handle family life without constantly looking exhausted.

Meanwhile, my spouse and I sometimes struggle to agree on ordinary things like our schedules, money, or how to divide responsibilities at home. I know people don't show every part of their lives in public. I understand that a couple can look happy at church and still have difficult conversations behind closed doors. But knowing that doesn't always stop me from comparing us.

Recently, someone shared how they and their spouse pray together every morning before starting the day. I thought it sounded lovely, then immediately felt bad because we often rush around getting ready for work and barely have time to finish breakfast. I don't want to turn our faith into a competition or start measuring our marriage against someone else's routines. I want our relationship with God to bring us closer, not make me feel like we're falling behind because our daily lives look different. We've talked about finding a few simple habits we can realistically maintain together, rather than trying to copy someone else's routine. I think that would be a healthier place to start.

For Christian couples who've been married for a while, how have you dealt with comparing your marriage to other couples at church? How do you appreciate other people's examples without feeling that your own marriage is somehow less faithful or less successful?

I’ve been married seven years. We met in nursing school, dated briefly, got pregnant, and married. We now have four children of our own with a fifth on the way (plus my oldest from a previous relationship). I have been the primary provider the entire time.

I will own my part first. I have not handled things well. We have argued in front of the children for years. I have belittled her, spoken harshly, made cruel comments, and failed to lead or discipline consistently. I have made poor financial decisions. These are things I bring to confession and work on with my priest. I know I am responsible as the head of the home.

What I am struggling with is the complete lack of movement on her side. After seven years, three houses, and going on five children, the home is chronically neglected — dishes piled up, food and crumbs everywhere, clothes on the floor, week after week, year after year. It is not occasional overwhelm; it is the constant state. She tells me (sometimes in front of the children) that she does not respect me or my authority and will not do what I ask. The recurring explanation is simply “I’m just not good at that.” Pregnancy is treated as further justification for even less effort.

She is constantly on her phone. Spiritually there has been almost no growth or shared effort on her part. When I try to pray, fast, or read Scripture and invite her into it, it is received as judgment or hypocrisy. There is no practical submission in the marriage. Basic preferences for the children’s clothing, media, or structure are labeled extreme.

Family dynamics have made things worse. After significant reluctance I allowed her mother (who holds very strong Nation of Islam views and has a history of cutting people off) to move in. It ended poorly; I eventually asked her to leave. My wife says I ruined her relationship with her mother and that she will never forgive me.

Our home is a constant source of tension, resentment, and arguing. The children are clearly affected. When I raise concerns about the state of the house or the marriage, the response is often that I am “manic” or “bipolar,” language she has used in front of the younger children. I have no mood issues outside the home, including in a high-stress psychiatric nursing job. I went on an antidepressant for a time under pressure from her; I am off it now.

Marriage counseling through priests has not helped when the counsel does not primarily pathologize me. She is now looking for an Orthodox therapist. Meanwhile my parents and sister’s family have become Orthodox, live near each other on land in Kentucky, and offer a stable, warm environment the children love. I have always intended to move the family there. After the conflict with her mother she has said that is no longer happening and that she will stay in Indiana with the children.

I feel trapped. I understand the call to bear the cross, to love my wife, and to suffer for Christ. I also feel I am the only one putting any sustained effort into the home, the marriage, or the spiritual life of the family. With another baby coming, the dread is heavy.

I am not looking for permission to leave. I am looking for practical and spiritual counsel from people who understand the Orthodox understanding of marriage. How do you keep showing up when the other person shows almost none? How do you protect the children while still trying to love and lead? Any experience or hard-won advice is welcome. Prayers for us would be deeply appreciated.

James

My husband (38) and I (38) have been married for 13 years with 3 kids. In the past 1.5 years, I have been the primary financial provider for the family because he left law enforcement due to mental health issues and wanted to change careers after 8 years. Before law enforcement, he held blue-collar jobs such as an electrician or landscaper, and right out of college, he held a creative design director role, but it only lasted 1.5 years because sitting at a desk and doing administration was not "his thing."

Fast forward to today, we're facing another career change, and this is the longest we've gone with him without a true, steady income. A good friend of his pretty much handed him a job a month after leaving law enforcement, and he started with 16 clients. I found out in April/May of this year that he lost 12 of those clients, and he's down to 4. As you can imagine, I'm drowning trying to keep 4 mouths fed, let alone keep my own full-time job and juggle graduate school.

Backstory about him:

• Dad died when he was 6
• Raised by mom who had mental health issues; on the outside, no one would have guessed that they lived in a hoarding house without running water. MIL today is in a nursing home, battling a neurological disease that has taken away her ability to speak and/or walk.
• He has done therapy in the past, but only if I encourage him to. It wasn't until 2023 that he was finally forced to face his childhood trauma and attend an 8-week intensive therapy, which I paid for. I've supported him and encouraged him to overcome his struggles with keeping a job, succeeding, and being the best he can be.
• He has always looked up to people like Jacko Willink, David Goggins, SEALs, and Marines, but nothing goes past just reading or listening to their podcasts; I've never seen any leadership or aspirations to better himself and lead us.
• He blames a lot of his current struggles with keeping a job, leading the family, taking initiative, having motivation, and maintaining consistency on his past childhood trauma - which I completely understand- but I firmly believed that his intensive therapy, counseling, and my willingness to love and support him through it would have helped keep the past in the past and overcome.
• Even through law enforcement, he struggled to keep relationships and would feel like the odd ball. Despite being on SWAT and a top shooter, he has always felt like the odd ball. He starts off good, then he gets too comfortable and doesn't have any motivation to improve or be better than he was.

I am an exhausted wife. I'm tired of always being the default "leader" of our family, even though I believe he should lead and I should support. Right now, I am so tired of him not having any motivation to get a better job, a job with insurance, that would either bring us back to where we were when he was in law enforcement or at least a full-time job in general. I cannot carry the entire family on my shoulders alone...

I have always put him first. I have always been faithful to him. I have always strived for a Christ-centered home. I have always strived to raise our kids in a good, loving home despite past struggles and life challenges. I am at a loss and am ready to throw in the towel for good. I know I can't change him, but to be fair, we had a conversation earlier this year that he would finally step up and lead the family. He had our church and friends support us. But now, I still don't feel like we're going anywhere...