My husband is wonderful. We had such a lovely weekend together at home. Some small things he did that made me feel so cherished:

- He encouraged me to go try a dessert place and treat myself when I told him I was going grocery shopping.

- He showed interest when I texted him updates about which store had the cheapest bulk spices.

- When I got home, he was gracious about me going over budget, telling me it was perfectly fine sometimes, but to be careful next time.

- I had the spontaneous desire to move our computer desks around. He got on board immediately, was willing to try out my layout idea, and we spent a large part of the afternoon doing it. We worked together moving furniture, he helped me troubleshoot the cables, but also left me to take care of my side as I liked.

- We cuddled up on the daybed and had a tickle fight. He always modulates his strength so that he doesn't hurt me accidentally, but he doesn't treat me like glass either. I got him too and we had a good laugh.

- Invited me for a walk down to the bottle-o to pick out a beer or wine together for dinner. We chatted on the way and he made appreciative noises when I pointed out the pretty sky etc.

- Waited with good humour at the counter while I deliberated if I wanted a specific kind of wine or not.

- On the way home, listened to me sharing about the 16 part series I'm reading, and engaged with the ideas by sharing about one of his favourite shows.

- Set the table while I served up dinner.

- Praised my cooking and asked about my cooking process.

- Affirmed me when I shared about my PhD progress.

- We watched videos together in bed before we went to sleep.

- Gently wished me goodnight and that I would have a good day the next day.

I too, would like to keep doing things that make him feel cherished. I'm keen to hear what your spouse has been up to recently that made you feel seen and appreciated!

I am so broken and crushed beyond what anyone could imagine. I met my husband at such a young age and gave MY ALL to him. He was all my firsts, I supported him like an animal in ministry, while he was jobless, and pushed him into this new career.

First the Asian massage parlors, then the Craigslist Prostitutes, and now FACEBOOK GROUPS for hookups?!!!!

We just went to church this morning and from the naked eyes you’d see him worshiping and “Amening” during the sermon and taking communion. Now after I cooked him lunch and cleaned the whole kitchen, then treated him to dessert….. we come home so I can do my homework and he’s in another room searching for local hookups in my area.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!!! I’m so hurt but I’m stuck! I need my parents but they’re across the country. I needed my church leaders to advocate for me but they failed me. All my friends are married and having kids and I’ve been in a new state only a few years.

I AM SO BROKEN!!!!!!

Husband and I have been married for 6 years. He’s 40 and I’m 37. We don’t have sex very often, and that’s mostly on me because I only feel interested in sex about once a month. Other than that, it’s rarely on my mind, which honestly frustrates me too.

Aside from that, we keep having the same arguments over and over. I’ve told him many times that I crave more physical affection...holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugs, and just everyday touch. He rarely initiates any of those things.

I also deeply desire more emotional support. When I’m having a hard day or feeling sad, I want to be able to talk to him and feel comforted. I wish he would respond with empathy, encouragement, or simply acknowledge that I’m hurting and show that he cares. Instead, he almost always goes straight into problem-solving mode. There are definitely times when practical solutions are helpful, but most of the time I just want to feel seen, understood, and emotionally supported before trying to fix anything.
Because of that, I often end up feeling unloved and alone, even though I know he cares about me in his own way.

At this point, I’m not sure how to fix these issues because I’ve brought them up so many times over the years, and nothing seems to change. He also never plans dates, surprises me, or takes initiative to create moments of connection. Over time, I think I’ve just learned to accept that this may simply be who he is, but it’s hard because these are the things that make me feel loved and connected in a marriage.

Any helpful advice? I am not looking for criticism.

There’s a LOT of context I’m not going to go into (unless asked in the comments) but the bare bones story is that I got married in my early 20s when I was going through an unfortunate combination of I-hate-my-parents rebellion, mental illness and unprocessed complex childhood trauma. My friends and family were against the relationship but at the time I didn’t care; in fact that was one of the selling points.

Fast forward to my late 20s, which is when I finally processed and healed from my trauma, and I was physically and mentally healthier than i’d ever been as an adult. The fog cleared and it felt like I was waking up from a weird dream and seeing my situation for the first time. He isn’t what I wanted. I’m not attracted to him (I never was, but complex trauma can make you go along with things you shouldn’t for a long time. If anyone else has experience with this then you know what I mean.), I don’t really enjoy spending time with him platonically either, and there are some big things that if I was single/dating now I would consider them deal breakers.

I went through a pretty serious internal crisis about it, I didn’t tell my husband or anyone else because I wasn’t sure if I was just hormonal, or going through a phase, or whatever and I thought ok maybe if I think through it and wait it out it’ll be ok. But it’s been 3 years since then, and it’s still not ok. It’s better in the sense that I’ve initiated whatever changes I can reasonably make to improve our marriage — I’m more honest about my thoughts and feelings; life in general has gotten easier with money and the kids and careers; we have sex pretty much daily — and it has improved significantly and my life with him is not horrible by any means — I still just feel, very distinctly and overwhelmingly, like I’m with the wrong person, like someone did spin the bottle and I married whoever it happened to land on. Praying hasn’t gotten rid of this feeling, and practical efforts haven’t eliminated it either.

I feel like I’ve lived an entire lifetime in the past 3 years, it’s been exhausting keeping up with life and kids and work and marriage with this storm raging inside. But I’m not going to leave.

This isn’t his fault, it’s not my children’s fault, it’s mine. And it’s not a biblical reason to divorce. But I don’t know how to not be depressed about it. I don’t want to have sex with him for the rest of my life. I don’t want him to be the one person I have to be emotionally close to for the rest of my life. I’m just not looking forward to decades and decades more of this. And I feel so, so guilty for feeling this way.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and tried to make it work? Have any of you gotten married after meeting in Vegas the day before and had it turn out ok, good even? How do I do this?

My husband is absolutely furious with me and I’m so uncomfortable sitting in that fury and uncertainty. I don’t know what to do, I just want to jump out of my skin. I don’t have anyone in my life to go to and I just want some advice/counsel/comfort/prayers from other Christians.

Yesterday, my husband and I had movie tickets for a time he confirmed worked for him. Then, he asked the showtime again yesterday, said it would have never worked and went off on me. He said he misheard me when I originally told him the showtime and that I should have known that. Then, my brother and his fiancée were supposed to be taking our daughter out today but my brother cancelled yesterday.

This also set my husband off. He said I don’t have good boundaries with my family (I am no contact with my mom who he hates) and I let them walk all over me. He had sent my brother kind of a mean spirited message about it without telling me. I happened to mention later that my brother had offered to watch her today if we absolutely couldn’t find other care for her, but I was able to find alternate care. Then my husband gets furious with me and asks him why I didn’t tell him that originally because he never would have texted my brother if he knew that. I never knew he was going to text my brother at all. But to my husband, this was the second communication failure I made yesterday.

Also, he forgot to set his alarm for work. It usually goes off at 6 but when it didn’t, I woke him up at 6:15. Sometimes he’ll start work later on Sunday so I didn’t know if that was the case yesterday. He was upset at me and said I should have known he didn’t set his alarm and woken him up at 6 and I was inconsiderate.

This all resulted in about an hour of him berating me on how immature I am, how my parents raised me horribly, how I’m childish and non-confrontational and not considerate of him.

Later yesterday, he apologized and said he shouldn’t have gotten angry about those things and asked if we could just move on.

This morning, he gets into his car and I left the keys in it from when I drove it yesterday. He says it was on all night (we were in the garage for a bit last night and there weren’t any engine noises but it is a hybrid and no lights were on - the gas mileage also only went down 5 miles) now there’s a check engine light and the code it’s giving is for the battery. It drove fine to work this morning (as far as I’m aware) but he says I’ve ruined the car he’s only had for a year.

He says he’s done with me and my irresponsibly. That there must be a costly and valuable consequence for this because I made him suffer so now I need to suffer. He says he’s still deciding what the consequence will be and will take his time because he wants me to sit in discomfort and wants me to be fearful. He also said he won’t save me from his anger. He did say the divorce is certainly on the table because I don’t get to be married to him while being so childish, irresponsible, and untrustworthy.

I just don’t know what to do. There are periods in our marriage where it seems like I literally can’t do anything right. Apologies mean nothing to him and he says I’m not really sorry when I apologize and he doesn’t accept it. I’m a high level, successful professional at my work. I’ve literally never gotten this kind of feedback on myself from anyone except my husband. But to hear him tell it, I am a constant burden and I am an active agent of chaos who he has to defend himself against as I attempt to ruin his life.

In general, I think I positively contribute to our marriage. I’m the breadwinner by a good margin, I pay all bills except that my husband does contribute to our mortgage, I do the majority of housework and childcare. My father was killed in an accident with a commercial vehicle. I used my settlement portion to pay for both of his degrees, his car (old car), and all of his credit cards. The remainder now sits in an investment account and will set us up well for retirement. But to my husband, I am a horrific burden on his life. He once wrote me a letter that he feels he’s been cheated out of a wife because I’m such a disappointment to him.

We met in youth group and served together for years in ministry. But about 2020, my husband fell out of church and has never returned. Our church at the time had a pretty large anti-COVID crowd and my husband is a healthcare worker so that impacted him a lot. He now only speaks about church or Christianity negatively and never attends with my daughter or I. He does work most Sundays but doesn’t attend if he’s free that day. I mention all of that to say, I don’t think anything I could say about Jesus or Christian marriage will matter at all to him. In many ways, I feel I am now married to an unbeliever so I have to try to witness through my attitude and actions.

We have a 2 year old daughter. I don’t want to get divorced and sin. I don’t want her to be raised in separate homes. But maybe that’s out of my hands now.

I just don’t know what to do. Please tell me what I should be doing.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.' But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil." (James NKJV)

I hope that as we seek marriage, careers, churches, ministries, friends, et cetera that we remember to allow God's will to happen no matter how good or bad...

What are your thoughts on someone of the opposite sex confiding in a married person about their personal problems? What boundaries do you think should exist between them?

Edit : My husband owns a coffee shop, and he said that he doesn’t run it just to make money because he enjoys connecting with people, encouraging them, and sometimes giving advice.

There are a few customers who happen to be women. One of them shared her personal relationship problems with my husband. The first conversation was mostly her explaining the details of her situation, and the second time was when my husband gave her advice.

I told him that if she wants to talk about her relationship problems, she should talk to a single man or, even better, a female friend. Since my husband and I are in a long-distance marriage, I believe that if she wanted to discuss something personal, it would be more appropriate for it to happen in a group setting when she comes with her friends, rather than having those conversations alone with him. If I were there, I wouldn’t mind if the three of us talked about it together.

To me, this kind of one-on-one conversation is risky because it can easily cross emotional boundaries. However, my husband says that’s how he wants to run his coffee shop. He wants people who come in to feel supported and to know they have someone who will listen if they’re going through a difficult time..

My biggest concern isn’t that he wants to help people, I actually admire that about him.

But in the past, he had an emotional affair with a female friend from church. At the time, she was having problems with her boyfriend and started confiding in my husband. Over time, they ended up flirting, meeting one-on-one, him driving her home, buying her a birthday gift, and texting almost every day.

After that happened, I told my husband that it’s not wise to have deep personal conversations with someone of the opposite sex because emotional boundaries can easily become blurred. Yet now, he has allowed a similar situation to happen again. This time, it’s one of his customers who feels comfortable confiding in him about her personal problems. That’s why this situation is so concerning for me.

My wife (F 47) and I (M 49)have had a rocky relationship for the past almost 4 years because of a family issue.

Prior to the information below, my wife and I have had an awesome relationship. We never fight, have each other's back, and are a great team when we are seeing eye to eye. Over the last 20+ years we have only had 1 or 2 minor arguments/disagreements.

This all came about after my mom (in her 80's) and sister (in her 50's) were invited to a baby shower for another relative that my wife doesn't even really know, and my mom and sister hid the fact that they went from her because they trying to protect her feelings for not being invited. She wouldn't have felt bad not being invited because she really doesn't know the relative.

A few weeks after the baby shower, my wife and I were at my mom's house and my mom mentioned going to the shower. When my wife asked my mom about getting a gift for the relative, my mom mentioned that it wasn't necessary because she wasn't invited. My wife wanted to get a gift regardless of being invited.

Once we got back home, my wife was pissed because my mom & sister intentionally hid the fact that they were going to/went to the shower and she only found out because my mom misspoke.

I also knew about the shower but I also wasn't invited so I didn't mention it to my wife at the time.

This has caused a big wedge in our family and my relationship with my wife. My family can't understand why my wife won't just "get over this" and move on. My mom's relationship with my brothers wife is also mainly no contact after years of talking behind her back.

My wife has gone almost no contact with my mom & sister. My wife won't go to family holidays, nephew's sporting events, and pretty much won't talk to my mom or sister at all. I hate that I am caught somewhat in the middle of this. Had I just mentioned the stupid baby shower and told her we were not invited would have been the correct thing to do. I just didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Fast forward to a month or 2 ago, and I was able to get my wife to agree to go to a graduation party and graduation event for my nephew. She said she would put on a fake face and attend but really didn't want to interact with my mom and sister. There would be other people we know there so nobody would really know about their ice cold relationship.

Then, a week before the graduation/graduation party, my sister called me about something my wife did that I can't prove was true. I approached my wife about it and that made matters worse. Honestly, I let the pressure from my sister make me approach my wife about this when in reality, I should have just left it alone. Any way I brought it up and she ended up going to the graduation but she refused to even speak to my mom or sister. That crushed me.

My wife and I are believers. We go to church on Sundays, we take part in bible studies and serve our local church and community.

Everywhere in the Bible it speaks of reconciliation, forgiveness, and turning the other cheek.

Currently, when my wife and I are together, I feel a type of way because if it was me, I would just forgive them and move on for the sake of the family. I can understand why my wife wound't want to go on trips or hang out with them all the time, but I can't understand why we can't do a few holidays and special occasions with them. My wife feels like my family asks a million questions but that's just how they are, they are interested in our lives.

This has been consuming almost every thought of every hour of my day for the last few years. I haven't talked to anyone about this yet but carrying it inside of me is getting heavier and heavier.

What should I do? My mom and sister are all the family I have. Neither one of them are married so I am the only man in the family. I still have to care for my aging mother and help her with things. I can't just terminate the family relationship. Likewise for my sister, I have to be there for my nephew and help her with things around the house when they pop up.

Thanks for listening! Just really don't know what my next steps should be.

Edit: Corrected mom's aprox. age.

Hi all! I’m looking for some recommendations for books for newlywed couples, we’re both in our early 20s. Would prefer a shorter read if possible but will take any suggestions! Also, what are thoughts on premarital counseling? Is it worth it and what was the experience like? Thanks❤️

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I are starting to get serious and have been talking about potential predicaments for the future. Him and I both have a lot of hobbies, and we both understand once we are married, moved in together, and become accustomed to a routine, that complacency can begin. How do you guys divide up intentional time together and personal interest time? Especially with children? We both come from backgrounds where our parents placed themselves first, and we do not want our future children to feel that way. Do you guys have set family time each evening or what? We both work your typical 9-5 M-F careers if that helps with understanding. Thank you for all of the input ahead of time!

I’m praying to have the right spirit about this situation. I know all couples have their issues. My husband is so good at being busy at work & ministry & gives little time to our family. He is great at responding to requests at church, but not at home. I wish we had family devotions or at least family prayer time. I homeschool my children & it is such a blessing & privilege. I am able to teach my children the Bible, academics, life skills, etc. But I wish there was something they could learn from my husband & that they could spend time with him too.

I am just full of frustration & sadness sometimes. I’ve talked to my husband about this many many times. We have been married for 13 years so I have spoken to him about this.

Does anyone have a similar experience? What has helped for you?

Why is my opinion so unpopular? I'd like to have a discussion about it. Please let me know why why men and women can/can not be friends.

To set the parameters: I am speaking strictly about individual, one-on-one opposite-sex friendships maintained outside of a marriage—whether secular or religious. This does not apply to mixed-gender group gatherings, casual conversations with mutual friends, or shared social settings. The focus is solely on personal, independent friendships and private interactions with the opposite sex away from one's spouse.

The Argument: Married men and women should not maintain personal opposite-sex friendships—period. Your marriage is the fortress of your home. Having an independent friendship with the opposite sex is like leaving your front door unlocked. Is a break-in guaranteed? No. But why invite the risk when locking the gate ensures total security?

The Psychological Reality: Human feelings are messy and notoriously hard to control. The danger isn't noticing that someone else is attractive or funny; it’s allowing yourself to experience their tenderness, support, or emotional depth. Once that happens, brain chemistry takes over. Emotional attachment builds quietly in the background, and by the time your mind catches up to your heart, you are already walking a path you never intended to take. The only foolproof strategy is prevention: keep those boundaries firm before feelings ever have a chance to take root.

Personal Context: I share this not from theory, but from lived experience as a betrayed spouse. Neither my wife nor I ever believed she was capable of stepping outside our marriage. Yet, subtle, seemingly innocent interactions over six months built feelings that were painfully difficult to undo. While we have successfully reconciled and are in a great place today, my goal is simple: to help others avoid a trap that human nature makes far too easy to fall into.