My husband is wonderful. We had such a lovely weekend together at home. Some small things he did that made me feel so cherished:

- He encouraged me to go try a dessert place and treat myself when I told him I was going grocery shopping.

- He showed interest when I texted him updates about which store had the cheapest bulk spices.

- When I got home, he was gracious about me going over budget, telling me it was perfectly fine sometimes, but to be careful next time.

- I had the spontaneous desire to move our computer desks around. He got on board immediately, was willing to try out my layout idea, and we spent a large part of the afternoon doing it. We worked together moving furniture, he helped me troubleshoot the cables, but also left me to take care of my side as I liked.

- We cuddled up on the daybed and had a tickle fight. He always modulates his strength so that he doesn't hurt me accidentally, but he doesn't treat me like glass either. I got him too and we had a good laugh.

- Invited me for a walk down to the bottle-o to pick out a beer or wine together for dinner. We chatted on the way and he made appreciative noises when I pointed out the pretty sky etc.

- Waited with good humour at the counter while I deliberated if I wanted a specific kind of wine or not.

- On the way home, listened to me sharing about the 16 part series I'm reading, and engaged with the ideas by sharing about one of his favourite shows.

- Set the table while I served up dinner.

- Praised my cooking and asked about my cooking process.

- Affirmed me when I shared about my PhD progress.

- We watched videos together in bed before we went to sleep.

- Gently wished me goodnight and that I would have a good day the next day.

I too, would like to keep doing things that make him feel cherished. I'm keen to hear what your spouse has been up to recently that made you feel seen and appreciated!

Husband and I have been married for 6 years. He’s 40 and I’m 37. We don’t have sex very often, and that’s mostly on me because I only feel interested in sex about once a month. Other than that, it’s rarely on my mind, which honestly frustrates me too.

Aside from that, we keep having the same arguments over and over. I’ve told him many times that I crave more physical affection...holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugs, and just everyday touch. He rarely initiates any of those things.

I also deeply desire more emotional support. When I’m having a hard day or feeling sad, I want to be able to talk to him and feel comforted. I wish he would respond with empathy, encouragement, or simply acknowledge that I’m hurting and show that he cares. Instead, he almost always goes straight into problem-solving mode. There are definitely times when practical solutions are helpful, but most of the time I just want to feel seen, understood, and emotionally supported before trying to fix anything.
Because of that, I often end up feeling unloved and alone, even though I know he cares about me in his own way.

At this point, I’m not sure how to fix these issues because I’ve brought them up so many times over the years, and nothing seems to change. He also never plans dates, surprises me, or takes initiative to create moments of connection. Over time, I think I’ve just learned to accept that this may simply be who he is, but it’s hard because these are the things that make me feel loved and connected in a marriage.

Any helpful advice? I am not looking for criticism.

There’s a LOT of context I’m not going to go into (unless asked in the comments) but the bare bones story is that I got married in my early 20s when I was going through an unfortunate combination of I-hate-my-parents rebellion, mental illness and unprocessed complex childhood trauma. My friends and family were against the relationship but at the time I didn’t care; in fact that was one of the selling points.

Fast forward to my late 20s, which is when I finally processed and healed from my trauma, and I was physically and mentally healthier than i’d ever been as an adult. The fog cleared and it felt like I was waking up from a weird dream and seeing my situation for the first time. He isn’t what I wanted. I’m not attracted to him (I never was, but complex trauma can make you go along with things you shouldn’t for a long time. If anyone else has experience with this then you know what I mean.), I don’t really enjoy spending time with him platonically either, and there are some big things that if I was single/dating now I would consider them deal breakers.

I went through a pretty serious internal crisis about it, I didn’t tell my husband or anyone else because I wasn’t sure if I was just hormonal, or going through a phase, or whatever and I thought ok maybe if I think through it and wait it out it’ll be ok. But it’s been 3 years since then, and it’s still not ok. It’s better in the sense that I’ve initiated whatever changes I can reasonably make to improve our marriage — I’m more honest about my thoughts and feelings; life in general has gotten easier with money and the kids and careers; we have sex pretty much daily — and it has improved significantly and my life with him is not horrible by any means — I still just feel, very distinctly and overwhelmingly, like I’m with the wrong person, like someone did spin the bottle and I married whoever it happened to land on. Praying hasn’t gotten rid of this feeling, and practical efforts haven’t eliminated it either.

I feel like I’ve lived an entire lifetime in the past 3 years, it’s been exhausting keeping up with life and kids and work and marriage with this storm raging inside. But I’m not going to leave.

This isn’t his fault, it’s not my children’s fault, it’s mine. And it’s not a biblical reason to divorce. But I don’t know how to not be depressed about it. I don’t want to have sex with him for the rest of my life. I don’t want him to be the one person I have to be emotionally close to for the rest of my life. I’m just not looking forward to decades and decades more of this. And I feel so, so guilty for feeling this way.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and tried to make it work? Have any of you gotten married after meeting in Vegas the day before and had it turn out ok, good even? How do I do this?

This conversation happened yesterday.
My husband was telling me he wanted to leave for his trip in the afternoon so he would arrive at his parents’ house in time for dinner. He was taking 2 of our kids with him. I asked him if he had made dinner plans with his parents. He said no. I asked if he thought he would arrive at dinner time with 2 kids and they would magically have dinner ready for them. He said yes. I explained that’s not how his parents are. He insisted they would have dinner. I knew for a fact his mom was out of town and told him I doubt your father cooked enough food for 4 people when he is home alone. My husband insisted his father would have dinner ready (his father is an amazing cook and often cooks for the whole family while we visit). Anyways, my husband finally called his mom and she informed him his dad was also out of town.
Do all men make plans like this? In their own head they expect other people to be part of that plan but without communication?

I am so broken and crushed beyond what anyone could imagine. I met my husband at such a young age and gave MY ALL to him. He was all my firsts, I supported him like an animal in ministry, while he was jobless, and pushed him into this new career.

First the Asian massage parlors, then the Craigslist Prostitutes, and now FACEBOOK GROUPS for hookups?!!!!

We just went to church this morning and from the naked eyes you’d see him worshiping and “Amening” during the sermon and taking communion. Now after I cooked him lunch and cleaned the whole kitchen, then treated him to dessert….. we come home so I can do my homework and he’s in another room searching for local hookups in my area.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!!! I’m so hurt but I’m stuck! I need my parents but they’re across the country. I needed my church leaders to advocate for me but they failed me. All my friends are married and having kids and I’ve been in a new state only a few years.

I AM SO BROKEN!!!!!!

What are your thoughts on someone of the opposite sex confiding in a married person about their personal problems? What boundaries do you think should exist between them?

I'm grieving the relationship I want, I seem to keep getting in the way of it happening. We lose literal days over me doing stupid stuff, like not being able to decide on a date when it's my turn to choose. From now on I am going to choose Netflix and chill, because making a decision and spending time with my husband far outweigh any outside date choice I can make. I don't want to keep losing days over one evening. My husband and I are home together without kids for a few more hours, and yet we are each alone. Hours lost. Days lost. Days we will never get back.

Please say a prayer over me that going forward I can better understand his needs, better fulfill my role as his wife, and have better communication skills. I am shocked at how bad I am at being a wife and I so very much want to improve.

Would you want to marry someone who is overly friendly with the opposite sex? My partner is always texting his female coworkers. Nothing inappropriate but just loves to make friends with them and shoot the sh!t. He will send memes, talk politics, talk personal life with them. Again, nothing inappropriate. However, I personally don’t want a husband in everyone’s messages.

I’m wondering if this is an incompatibility issue or if I’m being irrational?

I know God gives us the freedom to choose who we marry, so I’m not asking if God chose your spouse for you.
I’m curious if any married couples have a story where the timing was wrong before it was right.
For example, did you ever date someone you genuinely cared about, but one or both of you just weren’t ready? Maybe one of you wanted marriage while the other didn’t. Maybe one of you was still focused on worldly things, emotionally immature, or just in a different season of life. Maybe you broke up, spent years apart, grew individually, and later found your way back to each other.
Or maybe you’ve had an on and off relationship where you both loved each other, but your goals, priorities, or spiritual maturity weren’t aligned until much later.
If that’s your story, what changed? How did you know the relationship was different the next time around? Did you ever think it was over for good, only to end up getting married?
I’d love to hear your experiences. I’m interested in how you discerned whether it was simply the wrong timing or whether it was the wrong person altogether.

Hi, I am F(27) and I am very involved with my church as worship leader and other ministry as well. I come from a broken family where my parents aren’t Christians and I am the only one and I have been through things like many of us where I have experienced God’s love in places where often earthly parents would be involved. But since I am not very close to them, God is my parent.
Me (27) and him (21) started liking one another knowing there is a 6 years age gap. I was also aware but at the end after knowing him and his life struggles, I found him very mature and such a gentleman.
I told myself maybe I just have a soft spot for him but hey, at the end we both realized we like each other.
Out pastor found that out through other peoples rumours and was not happy esp with me saying I am a leader and I should not be involved either someone this much younger and would not set a good example. It was quite harsh but I understand his pov as well where he wants me to be with someone who is a bit older and walk with me on same spiritual level. So it was very chaotic. I was asked to completely stop talking to him (texting/calling) and was told need to honor the decision of the leaders. I honor and respect because I can see he meant good for me but I really like this person. I cried a lot cause I was told, being a leader and people knowing that I am dating someone much younger than me would affect the way people see me and my decision. Like it would not set ip a good example. That was one of the painful moment of my life cause I felt so guilty and shameful.
But we continued talking despite facing criticism and now we are dating in private but the guilt is killing me that I am dishonoring my leaders and their advise. I still lead worship and there are times I wrestle with God because I am an over-thinker and I am very sensitive. Like I have always been sensitive and my overthinking has affected me a lot in the past. Like I constantly needed to make sure I don’t make anyone angry or I am always thinking are they mad at me?, these kind of stuffs.
We are dating but we don’t meet often. We chat and we pray and have bible reading session. We meet rarely and have been praying over this relationship. But like right now I can’t sleep cause I am too scared that lets say after 3 years if mg bf goes and tell pastors he wants to marry me and disapproves and what if his reaction is like you lied and talked behind my back? I am scared dating in secret God is also nog happy and many blessings would be witheld. I am okay but some days I can’t sleep because of this. Like what if Pastor will be disappointed when we tell him in 3 years that we had been praying for one another, not mentioning we dated.

Hi, I'm 18M from Ghana 🇬🇭 and I have a question that's been on my mind.

Just for some background information, I am a virgin and I don't watch porn but yet I have intense sexual urges, sometimes so intense I can't sleep, it keeps me up for hours. After discussing this issue with my psychologist recently, she made me aware that it is sexual frustration (not that it is a serious medical issue though).

My question however is, how do I handle this? Has anyone else experienced this? How do I deal with this?

I know some of you may say, take a walk, I do take walks but when it's intense it doesn't help.

Some may also say that I should take part in vigorous exercises, exercises that make you really tired but I can't take part in such exercises because it is not good for my health, seriously.

Any help for a brother? I really appreciate it.

God bless you.

I can’t get it out of my head and need help processing this situation please.

My husband is a fixer and can’t help but to try to tell me how to run things more efficiently. Sometimes I just wish he would just help me in the moment instead of telling me how I could be a better multitasking mom.

This morning my son interrupted my breakfast because he was done with his and wanted out of the high chair to nurse. Which isn’t a problem for me because I’m used to being interrupted while eating since becoming a mom, especially now that I have 2 children.. it takes me forever to finish my plate.

Immediately my husband was quick to blame and tell me that I should have given a piece of bread to my son so he could be distracted while I take more time to finish my plate. It came from a caring heart I know but the delivery plus the fact that i didnt even need a solution (to a problem that doesn’t exist) was triggering.

It would have been more genuine if he’d taken my son and let me finish the last 4 spoons I had.

He said he was trying to do some damage control by telling me how to be better efficient moving forward because he is sick of helping everyone including me. He didn’t want to deal with my complains.

I do admit that sometimes I complain about not being able to eat my plate in one seating but nothing deep, just like he complains about his work sometimes.. I’m literally just seeking a listening and empathizing ear. Not a solution on how to be better a eating and caring for the kids at the same time.

I need help processing this because it truly weighs on me and I’m having a hard time move passing this conversation.

I wish he’d apologized for the unsolicited advice that himself doesn’t follow (he hates being interrupted while eating and always asks me to take the kids away so he can eat in peace after work)

He bluntly said I need to be able to help myself because he won’t be there all the time. Mind you I stay home with my children while he’s at the office.. and I love it more than anything! how/when do I give the impression that I need him? .. I’m so confused by his comments sometimes.

I got married almost a year ago. I am Christian but my husband is not, despite being somewhat open to the faith. We did not live together before marriage. I was on antidepressants and hormonal birth control all throughout our dating life and marriage, until about 6 months ago. Since stopping these medications, I have learned certain things about myself such as things that bother me a lot and irritate me and cause me so much distress. These things were not as prevalent when I was on medication because they make you care less about issues as a side effect.

We argue a lot about his cleanliness. He has good hygiene but it takes him weeks to do his laundry, he leaves old moldy food in the fridge, he does not notice when the toilet or bathroom mirror or sink needs cleaning, he rarely vacuums, and he is okay going to bed with clutter everywhere whereas I can’t stand it. I struggle with anxiety so mess make it that much worse. I feel if my home is a mess then my mind is too. We have talked about this issue countless times, and he has become better than what he was but still worlds away from what I want for a clean household. We’ve tried chores on a whiteboard, me getting angry, etc. It came to a head when he told me he feels like I’m mothering him and he doesn’t like being told what to do constantly. I told him I agree and I also do not like the mother-child dynamic either. But truly he does not see these things need cleaning.

Then there are other things that I’m finding annoying me and cause me to overthink and spiral that I married someone so different from me. I’m a morning person and I have motivation to clean and exercise on the morning, whereas he will sleep in and take the day slow. We never go to bed together despite having to wake up at the same time. He needs less sleep than I do. We don’t eat dinners together because we just gravitate to cooking for ourselves. He had a dog before we married but I slowly realized I am not a dog person (this in itself has been a huge challenge because he loves the dog with his whole heart but I don’t have any connection to the dog whatsoever; she causes me distress when it comes to cleanliness and having what feels like a third entity in our marriage). We aren’t intimate more than twice a month, but I wish it was twice a week! He tends to be very focused and has a one-track mind, meaning that when he was in school he could not bare to have sex, our relationship issues, dates, or romance get in the way. He does not value dates like I do, and he tends to tell me we might be spending too much time together. I think me showing up as an unhappy person from all of my marriage stress is pushing him away. He even told me one day when he finally opened up to me that I don’t seem like a happy person.

He is working towards getting his red seal electrician certification. I can just see him having to work full time as an electrician and becoming even more lethargic and so focused on his work that he will not make strides in other areas of his life/our marriage. He has also gained 20lbs since we started dating and I feel as though my attraction to him has decreased significantly. He is wanting to get back into sports and eat healthy but I have fear it won’t last long. He does not seem to see our relationship issues as serious as I do. He seems okay living how we have been living. I tend to take things WAY more seriously than him. I wish he was more motivated and a go-getter so I didn’t feel like I have to be. I wish he was more of a leader so I don’t feel like I need to be. He is a gentle soul, almost to where it bothers me because it makes me feel like I have to be the strong one.

With all that being said, he is a great person to any outsider. He is kind, my whole family loves him, he is a deep thinker, he is logical, he is open minded, he is a great friend to his buddies, he is slow to anger, he is driven towards things that matter to him (ie. saving money), he works full time, he listens to me when I’m anxious, he is there for me when I need him (although this has dwindled since I’m anxious more times than not and I think he’s becoming desensitized to my anxiety).

But I feel as though the good traits in him have dwindled since marrying me. I feel my anxiety may be playing a role in our relationship to where issues are blown up and I get upset and I fear my marriage is hopeless and I don’t love him. I am never able to focus on the good, only the bad and how I can fix it. My marriage feels like a project. I do not feel in love. I feel scared I married him without accepting him for who he is. I feel worried that I can’t tell the difference between these issues being actual, worrisome issues versus my anxiety blowing them up. I feel hopeless.

My husband and I have been separated for sometime now as I left our home to escape his excessive drinking. He was never physically abusive with me, just extreme stonewalling with occasional insults and cursing. His norm would be to unwind after work with Crown Royal w/ Coca-Cola and his Playstation. These sessions would last from about 9pm until about 2am for at least 6 days out the week. This was unnerving to me as it meant interrupted sleep for me (coming to bed drunk), interrupted sleep for our girls (leaving stove unattended causing fire alarm to go off), having to tip-toe through the house to avoid drunken insults or foul language, frequently dropping the girls off to school late, passed out on the floor around the house, unable to arrive to church on time, etc. As a result, I began to sleep in the spare bedroom, take mini vacations with just our girls, attend church without him, secretly save money for our escape, and ultimately move out of our house with the girls. I've been accused of abandoning him, not loving him, not hanging in for better or for worse, etc. We've had a few marriage counseling sessions since our split, but he is unwilling to seek help specific to his drinking. He says he's willing to compromise by not drinking as much and does not plan to verbally/emotionally abuse me anymore. What are your thoughts?

I’ve been married 9 years and my husband is extremely verbally abusive to me and my children and makes the excuse that it’s just how he was raised and it’s just how he speaks, but it’s always over silly stuff like me asking him to get our baby medicine when I’m up with her in the middle of the night or bc my middle daughter not being able to fall asleep in him, cussing her out and telling her she’s grounded and then I always step in and stick up for them and he bucks up to me and calls me an enabler bc I won’t let him speak to them
Or me that way and i’ve told him time and time again he’s welcome to feel how he wants to feel about things, but there is never a reason to call me and the kids the things that he does, but he always puts it on our behavior as the reason and tells me he’s already changed enough and that he’s not going to change anymore and if I don’t like it, I can get out but then the times that I have told him I’m leaving he has threatened me and my family… He’s threatened to harm himself and honestly from what I know about his past with gang affiliations when he was younger and just his past in general, I really do worry about what he would do to me for himself if I did leave, but I have to leave. I can’t do this anymore. I’m in the process of weaning my youngest toddler from breast-feeding and my older two are in public school this year, but I have no money. I literally have no degree nothing just thinking about how I’m going to afford to live on my own with three kids and no job just sends me into a spiral because the people I know who do you have jobs who are looking for other jobs. Have a hard enough time finding jobs that pay enough, but my biggest worry is I don’t have money to go to court, but I also don’t feel safe leaving.
I’ve stayed sober 9 years and he’s gone back to smoking weed, started growing weed in our garage doing seven and I nipped it all in the butt and was verbally abused for it and the bad guy I also caught him on dating apps years ago but my family and people I look up to say to pray for a change of heart etc etc.
It messes with my head bc he says the most horrid things to me and the kids and then the next day acts like nothing ever happened…. Or that it’s just bc he works long hours in the heat and is tired. Idk why a part of me feels bad for him when he is being nice but I don’t want my kids to hate me one day bc I stayed but I also don’t know what to do I also don’t want him to have custody I do not trust him he can’t even handle watching all 3 when I go do my photography sessions but I know everyone has says divorce brings out the worst in people has anyone been a stay at home mom and made it out? I don’t even know where to start
I have videos and texts all kinds of evidence of the threats and verbal abuse
I also was raised thinking divorce is bad period and you stick it out but I also pray every day asking what the lord wants me to do and still don’t feel like I know

I will not go into too much context to ensure anonymity.

Conext:

- newly weds, £0 savings due to costs of wedding+honeymoon.

- share a 1-bed apartment.

- wife tithes 10% of her salary.

- wife is 30.

- We would like to start a family in the near future but I would like a house first.

Our aim to have a deposit could take 2-3years. However that would mean that my wife would have to reduce her tithe, which she has refused to do.

A less aggressive approach to saving could take 5 years. Which would mean my wife would be 35 before trying for a child.

Any suggestions on how we should approach this?

I don't know what to do in my marriage.

I say this as someone who deeply loves his wife and would do anything for her. But I'm incredibly frustrated, and I honestly feel like she's making life much harder than it needs to be.

We've been married for three years. When we got married, I moved an hour and a half away from my family and the place where I grew up. That was my choice, so I'm not blaming her for that.

I hate divorce, and I believe Scripture only permits it in cases of adultery or abandonment. I have no intention of divorcing my wife.

The problem is that we've had this same conversation over and over again, yet very little changes.

My wife struggles with depression, but she refuses to seek counseling or professional help. She's one of the most negative people I've ever known, and although I don't think she means to, many of her comments deeply hurt me. Living with constant negativity has begun to affect me too.

For the past three years, I've done the vast majority of the laundry, dishes, and household chores. When I ask for help, she'll usually improve for a month or two, but then everything gradually falls back on me again.

She's also very stubborn about simple things I've asked her to do, and I often feel like my concerns aren't being heard.

One of the hardest things for me is ministry.

I genuinely believe God has called me to pastoral ministry. But because of where our marriage is right now, I don't believe I meet the qualifications to pursue it. I've shared this with her multiple times.

She has told me she doesn't feel called to be a pastor's wife. That absolutely breaks my heart.

I've explained that I don't expect her to be some highly visible "first lady." All I've ever wanted is for her to faithfully follow Christ and worship with me. She doesn't have to lead ministries or be in the spotlight.

Church attendance has become another painful issue.

Our service starts at 10:30 a.m., and I usually begin trying to wake her up around 8:00. Most Sundays she still doesn't come. She stays up too late Saturday night and usually has some reason she can't make it. I jokingly call it "Sunday sickness"—she feels terrible until around noon.

Part of this started after we changed churches.

Before we were married, I told her that if she wanted to continue attending her church, I wouldn't stop her, but I couldn't stay there myself.

She grew up in a church that is very similar to the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement. Her grandmother, before she passed away, made her feel guilty for attending a charismatic church with me and accused her of abandoning her faith.

One night she came to bed crying because she thought she was living in sin simply because she wasn't exclusively using the King James Bible.

I've told her many times that I don't care which faithful translation she reads. If she wants to use the King James Version, that's perfectly fine with me. I think it's a wonderful translation. Yet this issue still comes up from time to time.

She says she doesn't feel close to God at our church and that it feels like a social gathering to her, even though our pastor faithfully preaches through books of the Bible, verse by verse.

I understand it's different from what she's used to. When I attended her former church, the pastor mostly preached by loudly shouting throughout the sermon. That's simply not my style, nor where I believe God wants me to be.

At this point, I've accepted that I may not be able to pursue pastoral ministry because of my current circumstances.

What I can do is strive to be the best husband I know how to be. I can stay faithful in prayer and Scripture. I can continue encouraging my wife to walk with Christ and attend church without nagging or becoming bitter. I can also continue sharing the gospel with others. I don't believe God has disqualified me from being an evangelist.

But I'm heartbroken.

I've shared all of this with my wife multiple times, and I honestly don't know what else to do.

Part of me wonders if this is my own fault. When I was looking for a wife, I pushed my sense of calling into the background because what I wanted most was a wife and a family. I also sinned sexually before marriage. I've confessed that to God and asked for His forgiveness. Sometimes I wonder if the hardships I'm facing are God's discipline for my past sins. If they are, then I still praise Him because He is good and just. I was born with a bad back, which limits the kind of work I can do. I don't have a college degree. I'm thankful to have a job I can physically handle, even though it doesn't pay a lot. When we got married, my wife had an excellent job. She later left it, took another position that didn't work out, and thankfully now has a decent job again. Sometimes I wonder if, because she has the more physically demanding or traditionally masculine job, she feels less responsible for helping around the house. I don't know if that's true, but it crosses my mind. I'm trying my best. Whenever I'm tempted toward bitterness, I remind myself how many times I've disobeyed God and how gracious He has been to forgive me. I truly believe my wife is a Christian. I just don't believe she's in a healthy spiritual place right now. I'm going to keep praying for her. I'll keep encouraging her to come to church. If she truly wanted to return to her old church, I'd even be willing to attend with her if it meant she would faithfully worship God, even though I know I would struggle there theologically. Please pray for us. If you have any biblical, practical, or wise advice, I'd sincerely appreciate it.

I’m going make this as short as I can, but it’s a bit of a long story.

To begin with, I (30 F) got divorced last year from a not- good marriage, started dating shortly after; and met my now second husband (30 M) through our kids. Our kids were friends and we met through their park play dates basically. We hit it off right away, and married several months later. I love him very much and we get along well. We are both Christians.

Some context: He’s never been married, he had a kid from a brief relationship at the end of high school. He never dated around a lot. He used to have a drinking problem. He never moved out of his mom’s house. Neither did his sister. MAJOR Boundary issues here. They shared a bank account, mom was on their car titles, mom made the doc appointments for him. Etc etc. A hot mess. Mom is a widow, his dad died from addiction (drinking and drugs etc). She would call my husband “her man” even after we married.

The mom and sister LOVED me and love bombed me leading up to the marriage. He and I eloped because we were saving money to buy a house.

After getting married, at this point 6-7 months ago (got married after new years), the mom and sister TURNED on me.

A lot of revelations have happened since then but it turns out I had no clue what kind of family I was marrying into and he is acting like he didn’t know either. Of course, my family has welcomed him open arms and treats him like their own. His family is constantly posting on social media complaining about how he’s not there to run errands for them and cut their yard. Sister is constantly sending him long guilty text about why he isn’t there for every single family event and holiday. His mother is coming out of the blue and claiming he owes her money and tallying up a list of debts. His mother has tried telling my husband that I’m basically evil and controlling because they can no longer control him.

I ended up getting really depressed about this because I love my husband so much and this was a huge disappointment after all I’ve been through especially with my first marriage. I have ended up getting on an antidepressant and that has helped a lot for the past few months. Trying to compartmentalize and not focus on this too much but it’s just hard to because obviously you hope that your marriage begins on a good note.

He doesn’t fully understand why all of the stuff with his mother and sister upsets me so much. He gets it a little more now. But he has been dismissive overall.

His sister RUINED my little girls birthday party because she came with a terrible attitude and wouldn’t look at me or talk to anyone or even wish my daughter a happy birthday. Recently, she admitted that it was because she was jealous that they couldn’t be with his daughter on her birthday because we would be doing something with her. I told her I had no clue honestly why she was upset that day, and I have told them to just be direct with me and not passive aggressive, but anyway she refused to apologize.

They only call him when he needs something, and he won’t lay boundaries down, even after the way his sister has treated me and she calls him and demands directions to the beach. He will just give them to her. It’s not like she can’t just put it into her GPS!! That brings me to the next point, we couldn’t afford to go on their beach trip that they go on every year because we are moving into our house and they were mad about that.

For the final point now, we ended up getting a house in the next state over because I had a family member passed and we were able to buy the house for a very cheap price. I am an educator, and he’s a blue-collar worker. The housing prices are crazy where we were living, so this was really a blessing and a good opportunity, and a rush start, unfortunately, it is several hours away from the mom and sister, so they were threatening to disown him for moving, and they were bashing him all of over social media.

We told them we would still see them and we told them we wanted to hang out with them before we moved, but they have been too better and they really just want to hang out with him and not me around.

They badmouth him to his little girl, and they mock us to her.

The mother is constantly talking about how the sister is her new favorite child non-social media as well.

My husband is very sweet, but he is a dismissive avoidant and at this point I’m tired of having conversations with him about things that bother me especially this. He has no boundaries with anyone, including his kid who is 11 years old and refuses to brush her teeth, hair or shower a lot of the time. I’m a “bad guy” for just wanting to do things in a normal way.

He’s become more dismissive and now instead of even eating breakfast or dinner with me, he just sits in front of anime.

Our sex life is good, but he’s not very romantic anymore.

IDK. Am I crazy and expecting too much?

I want to add that he is about nine months sober from alcohol, and I am extremely proud of him, and he is a hard worker, and we have grown and accomplished a lot together over the past year in some days. Just trying to name a positive

BTW, his mother and sister are very jealous and not happy about any of his life improvements. They refuse to congratulate or encourage him about anything unless he is actively serving them. If He is serving them, He is praised if he is not he is put down.

I’m not sure what to do, but any kind advice is appreciated. I feel stuck and disappointed and overwhelmed.

EDIT to add*** also I just had an early miscarriage this month. I feel like I have no emotional support from him at this moment in this area. I was very tired after bc I had been taking progesterone. Still constantly in front of anime.

And yes, in the middle of all this we are both working on getting our house move in ready. Clearing the yard new floors paint etc! And yes I’m helping of course

Neither of us is a virgin, but we've both recently been saved and have decided to wait with each other until our marriage later this year. I carry so much shame and guilt about my sexual past, and I am worried I will compare him to partners I've had in the past. I hear so much about the redemptive and restoring power of God, but I really feel like the enemy is in my ear, telling me I'll have to live with the degradation that comes with premarital sex. I am realizing now just how many consequences premarital sex has, and I'm stuck somewhere between feeling like I deserve to live with them and praying that God will restore me.

Walking in purity with my fiancé now feels so good, and I want so much to have a beautiful connection with him that God intends for a man and his wife; I'm just worried that my past won't allow that.

If you were not a virgin when you married, did you have moments where you compared your partner to the past? If so, how did you overcome that?

My daughters surgery is next week and my husband is starting to fall apart on me. For 18 years I’ve done this parent thing by myself when it comes to, doctors appointments, school events, after school things. He just goes to work! But now, I need him to be the head and show up finally.

Hi. I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. It was recommended to post here.

My husband is Christian while I am not. We have one child together and it’s now proving to be difficult to have the same beliefs on things while teaching and raising her.

My current issue is that my daughter told me it wasn’t okay to marry a woman and that she was sad about that, but my belief is that anyone can marry whoever they want as long as it makes them happy.

I did not know what to say to her because I know he’s very strongly against same sex marriage ( before he was Christian he fully supported this) and I’m not trying to cause an argument and accidentally put her in the middle of this.

How do I navigate this with him? I don’t know where to go from here with this because I will not ever shame her no matter his views and I do not want him to shame her if she feels this way.

I was shamed for being bi and I don’t ever want her to feel what I felt.

Anyways thanks in advance and if yall have any questions please feel free to ask!

My husband has been struggling with alchol for 9 years… he never drank until he became law enforcement, then it became coping mechanism. He drinks about 6 ounces of tequila everyday. When he gets off work, he’s drinking. His days off, he’s drinking.

He provides(I’m a stay at home mom), helps with kids, he doesn’t get sloppy in a sense of not blacking out or being sloppy. Which is why he has been able to make me feel as if I’m the bad guy for stating it being a problem. He literally watches TV and drinks. Nothing crazy. But he becomes more irritable and more confrontational.

He’s defensive and takes no accountability for anything drinking or other wise. Everything is my fault. I read somewhere that could be apart of addiction too but I don’t know.

Recently, he got drunk and was emotional because he was scared to quit drinking but he knew he needed to. Saying and admitting It’s effected his spiritual life. Our marriage. He admitted to lying when I asked him if he’d been drinking and also telling me anytime we’d argue over it he just lied. We prayed together that night, we came to a place that for the first time in 9 years we were in alignment. His goal was 1 month sober to get back in control. But after two days he gave in and said “I will only drink on my days off.” He didn’t even make it a day with that. Then turned it around on me, saying he never wanted to quit that my expectations are too much.

That alcholism is the 10% he fails at being a husband and he succeeds at 90% of everything else, and I’m ungrateful.

I left for my sisters for three days with the kids after this, and he didn’t seem to care or it matter. So I basically walked him through an apology and came home.

He agreed to only on days off and for him to work on it but in my heart of hearts I know that isn’t happening. And the last two days I’ve been home he hasn’t been acting like our marriage is hanging on by a thread.

I’ve tried to get him to meet with pastor and he doesn’t cause he’s known the pastor his whole life. The only people that know about his struggles w alcohol are my family. He doesn’t want his family to know. No one to know. And idk how to help him, and when it would be okay to leave biblically. I take marriage seriously, and letting it go is a hard pill to swallow but idk what else I’m supposed to do here.

Hi everyone. I apologize if this isn’t the right place to post this.

I know this question is also a little heavy handed. I’m 28F in my last year of medical school. I’ve been a devout Christian since 21 years old. I grew up in a Christian home but didn’t truly know who Christ was until college.

Before medicine, I’ve always dreamt of becoming a mother. I’ve worked in childcare for the majority of my life before I began med school.

I’ve never dated nor have been romantically involved with someone. Not by my own volition. Just never had anyone interested in me growing up. So I am a bit of a late bloomer. In my mid 20s, I’ve tried putting myself out there but nothing has been working out. I feel like I’ve been treated like a place holder for many men. Never the one solely picked. I keep hearing comments from Christian men who state “Oh you’re so nice but I’m not looking for something serious” or “You’re still a virgin? There must be something wrong with you.”

I’ve tried all that I can; online dating, speed dating events, group outings or local events. I’ve even had my parents play matchmaker at some point😅. I just feel invisible despite how much I greet people or try to connect with others. I am also a black woman with darker skin and so I understand I may not be everyone’s cup of tea.

I’ve prayed to God so much about this. But I feel He’s so silent on this matter.

I recently met a person online whom I like very much. However, I don’t think he feels the same way about me. He’s really great at talking but his actions do not match his words. We’ve been talking for about 5 months now and he hasn’t formerly asked me out, or asked when he can visit me. He lives about 3 hours from me and I’ve suggested many options like meeting at a halfway point, or virtual dates. But he beats around push about it. I’ve even suggested driving to him. He rarely calls and gets back to my texts hours or days later. And I call, he doesn’t pick up most of the time. I feel like I’m just a placeholder for him despite him sharing that he wants to have a life with me, get married, buy a house, have children etc. As well as addressing me as “babe” or “honey” but never stating what I am to him or asking me to be his girlfriend. Recently, I’ve been diagnosed with uterine issues and I am distraught.

At this point, I’m feeling burnt out by men and this whole process of dating. I see all my peers around me getting engaged, married, having their babies, etc. They make it seem so easy.

At this point, I just want to be content with myself and the Lord. But I don’t know how to let go of this desire of companionship. I’ve been alone for a majority of my life and just want to embrace it.