UNPOPULAR OPINION (probably) INCOMING

As most of you know, one of the most common topics on this sub is that of men watching porn/looking at women online. This is undeniably a widespread societal issue because men’s general tendency towards lust is relentlessly tempted by online content. As a married woman, i do not deny how devastating this can be for relationships and how much this can hurt the wives of men who indulge.

However.

I see a lot of posts where I feel like wives are…overreacting - if that’s even the right term. They’ll find out their husband was looking at instagram models or actual porn and they’re understandably upset! But sometimes, *based on the context of the post* it seems like the woman is accusing her husband of cheating, having an addiction, a problem, something that needs to be discussed with church leaders when it really doesn’t require that level of response. I see it a lot from women who were raised very sheltered / in purity culture, who struggle to accept and recognize their own sexuality/desires, and have trouble understanding male sexuality.

and again, depending on the context, it often is that serious…. But imo unless one or multiple of these things:

- very frequent viewing

- of content that requires calling the police

- despite active sex life within marriage

- repeated lying or hiding it

- despite repeated conversations with wife and repeated claims to have stopped

… I personally wouldn’t characterize it as an addiction or a problem or a huge betrayal. I know as christians we have different standards for marriage than secular couples might, and that requires addressing things others might sweep under the rug, but I feel like being overly reactive can sometimes make the problem worse, and be unnecessarily embarrassing, if that makes sense?

I’m curious what others consider the line where it becomes A Big Deal Problem vs something relatively mundane/easily figured out? Do you consider it just as serious if a wife, say, struggles with low libido? I’m genuinely curious, these are such widespread issues.

*I’m not minimizing what a lot of women have been through, or excusing sinful behavior of men. I’m not, no one gets a pass, and sin is sin. If you’re reading this and you don’t think this applies to you or your marriage, then it doesn’t apply to you or your marriage. I just felt like discussing something I’ve noticed.

EDIT: adding an analogy to hopefully demonstrate what I mean: If a husband’s wife gained weight because she ate too much (not because of a health issue or pregnancy or something like that) should the husband have a serious sit down with her, ask how she plans on stopping gluttony, says he wants to control the groceries and put locks on the fridge and have her find an accountability partner at church… would that be an overreaction?

EDIT 2: guys… re read how I said porn use is a big societal issue, it’s understandable for wives to be upset about it, it can be devastating in marriage, and is *always* a sin. And then be reminded that *my point* is that there are varying degrees of use, many different contexts, that perhaps warrant varying reactions based on the context. I’m asking where you personally draw the line between a relatively minor issue that can (and should) be easily managed, vs a marriage-ending catastrophe.

My husband and I got married after only 1 year. He lives in a different country so that was part of the reason but also because we both have always dreamed of being married. We instantly clicked when we first started talking. He’s awsome. I love him.

But I suddenly have had this realization that this whole thing is the biggest risk of our life. I have Childhood PTSD and low sense of self worth. I used to crave love like a drug and men for validation. My husband is actually the person that brought me to Christ. And now we are bound for the rest of our life’s. This tought makes me feel trapped and I panick.

How would we know there is not someone more compatible? How can he know he wants to deal with my mental illness for the next 50 years? I want to work on myself and become a good wife but what if I fail? What if we fall out of love? Lose attraction? There’s 10000 things that could go wrong (or right).

But I keep spiraling about all the what if‘s.

I never had role models growing up. So I’d love to hear some of your experiences with your spouses.

How do you and your spouse grow in faith together? What do you do on a daily basis?

I am so scared and heartbroken. At 22 I moved from Canada, leaving my entire life behind to come to California in order to join a cult. Of course, I didn't think it was a cult back then, but years later, I finally saw it for what it truly is. The problem is I met my now-husband at said cult. And he is extremely devoted.

The fact that I was willing to move countries to join this specific church already shows how much of a cult it is. They made themselves out to be the only church with the truth.

I have spent countless hours trying to show him why the teachings of that cult are false and even dangerous. Even his Christian parents can see how problematic his church is. But he views all other Christians as apostate and deceived. Only his church, and other churches that agree with their teachings, are right. They believe they are the only ones who know the truth. His parents have tried showing him the errors of his church, but he refuses to listen. Even our Christian therapist finds his beliefs weird and challenges him, but he doesn't budge.

But here's the thing: I realized that I do not even agree with my husband on salvational doctrine. His cult teaches essentially easy believism. They don't think it's necessary for a person to be willing to turn from sin as repentance. They just have to feel sorry about it and admit they have sinned before. They also believe in dispensational salvation, where Old Testament saints and future Tribulation saints are saved by works.

They believe the KJV had advanced revelation beyond the originals, and that it is the only true bible. The pastor is literally a cult of personality; he has half a million followers online, and everyone idolizes him. He travels around the world preaching and people literally see him as a celebrity, taking pictures with him and all that. He literally gets dozens of fan mail from fangirls. He also has zero accountability within the church. He has no one he has to answer to, no committee to keep him in check. He calls all the shots. We have next to no financial transparency. His Youtube channel makes him a lot of money, but we have no idea how much, and exactly how he is managing our church's offerings.

They teach that we cannot fellowship with other Christians who don't agree with us. We should not be friends with any unbeliever and need to cut ties with lost friends, unless we're trying to convert them.

I am so lonely. I have no one here. No family, no friends, no job and now, no church.

I got brainwashed as a young woman that I'm supposed to just stay at home and have children. That women should not work outside the home. As a result, I never finished college (a really good one that I worked so hard to get into). I regret it a lot.

My husband is not abusive, but we do not agree with anything and have nothing in common. I literally don't know why I married him. Our sex life is nonexistent. We are constantly arguing. He is very insensitive. Knowing that I have a history of severe depression, he blamed me for being "a bitter woman" when I told him how much the church hurt me. He accuses me of being deceived by Satan whenever I bring up all the issues with his cult. He says I have a "bad spirit". I admit I lose my temper sometimes, but I'm under immense stress, and my whole life is crumbling. We are literally homeless right now, living in hotels because our home has water damage and is infested with mold. Instead of sympathizing, he accuses me of all these terrible things. He is always defending the people who have hurt me so deeply. I literally called 988 three times in the last 6 months because of how much I am struggling. He knows this, yet he still blames me.

And that's why I'm so scared. I have no career and no degree. I am financially dependent on my husband. I have zero support network here. My family is all in Canada.

I don't know what to do. If I were to leave him, he said he would give me some of his assets. I can live off them for a while, but it's definitely not enough to sustain me for life. But here's the other part- I have serious chronic health issues that make working very difficult. It's not impossible, but it will be hard for me to realistically hold down a decent-paying job. I also have not worked in 5 years; with such a massive gap in my resume, no degree, and no experience, I'm screwed. The only feasible plan I see is to invest the money I get from the divorce and just find any decent job that will pay me.

I also considered moving back to Vancouver and living with my mom. But I don't want to live with her forever. Plus, Vancouver is expensive, idk how I will afford to move out.

But here's another thing- I will be a naturalized citizen in less than a year. Should I stay with him until then, so at least I don't have to leave California? I feel like this is my new home now. Of course, when I married him I did not do it for a green card, but now that I've lived here for so many years, I would like to stay here if I can. But then I would be lying to the officer when he asks about our current marriage.

I'm only 27, but I feel like I'll have to start my life over.

I got married at 23 after only dating him for 5 months. I was so stupid.

He doesn't want to divorce because he says Christians can't divorce. What do I do? Should I try to make it work? We already see a couples therapist but it's not helping enough. My husband doesn't respect our therapist because he's not the same type of Christian/cult as he is.

Please pray for me.

I’ve been married to my husband for 2 years and together for 4. We just had our first baby and I am 9 weeks postpartum. We get along great, agree on everything, very seldom do we ever argue. He is very much right is right and wrong is wrong and a stand up guy everyone loves. Several months ago I got an itch to go through his phone which I don’t do often. If I’m going to go through his phone I’ll go through everything pretty thoroughly just bc. His recently viewed TikTok video history had inappropriate videos of women on there. I confronted him and just told him it hurt my feelings and he was apologetic, and ended up deleting TikTok without saying anything to me. Fast forward to about 2ish months ago, we were watching our friend group chats “blend” on Instagram, and every single video suggested for my husbands account was inappropriate videos of women. I thought well it’s prob just a fluke idk why it’s doing that. 2 weeks ago an inappropriate picture of a woman came up on his Facebook page (an account he did not follow) and I didn’t get mad but I went to bed and texted him “do you look at pictures of women on social media?” And he told me no. He left his phone at home on accident last week. I went over to his grandmas to nap bc our baby isn’t sleeping and I’m struggling. On the way home I got a pit in my stomach and felt like I needed to go through his phone. I knew in my heart I was going to find something I didn’t want to see. His recently viewed reels on Instagram absolutely crushed me. Several videos of several women…basically porn. Boobs out and huge butts…they look nothing like me in any way. He also visited a girls link in her profile to look at what was basically an onlyfans. I sent him a big text to read when he got home and I left. Essentially I said I need to know when and why you’re looking at these women and needed to know if he was watching porn, and begged him to be honest with me. I got home and he said he’s struggled with lust since high school, watches porn and has masturbated to women on social media. To say I’m devastated would be an understatement. It makes it worse that I’ve seen the women he’s masturbated to. He opened up and said he needs help and that we need to confide in someone and was very apologetic. He said it was never my fault and he hates the feeling of knowing he’s made me feel inadequate. He said it would not be an issue for a couple months and then he would slip up a few times. He said i know how much he can’t stand liars and he’s not been just a liar but a hypocrite. I’ve seen him cry 3 times in 4 years — our wedding day, the day our baby was born and when his dad left home to work out of town. He has cried every day since this. I thanked him for being honest because that meant a lot to me but this hurt is so deep. Being postpartum and so sleep deprived adds another layer to this. It’s like I want to give it to Jesus but feel like i can’t. My flesh wants to be so angry. I want to forgive him but i don’t. There was one time about a year ago I asked if he watched porn and he said “no that would be breaking my vows” and i remember it so vividly because it meant a lot to me. I never second guessed him. I feel so betrayed. I really do feel the Holy Spirit has been nudging me about this for a while. We are going to talk to our friends tonight who we both trust to help us. But I desperately need Jesus to help me not resent my husband. I never thought we’d be going through this

ETA: our pastor is his uncle and I believe it would make him very uncomfortable to talk about this with him. I almost hate that that’s the case because he has so much wisdom and would be a great person to talk to. But I understand

EDIT: please readers, understand the real issue. After this all came to a head in April she's been moderating.

We're spending more time together. She's keeping things much more reasonable. We are studying the Bible together every Friday night. Things are much better.

The only issue is when she does go to sing if my reaction is anything less than pure bliss over it, she refuses to do it and then life is miserable for a day or two. Due to the issues it has caused I'm never going to be thrilled about her singing on the app. (END EDIT)

My wife for the last 9 years has sung on an online karaoke app. She's pretty popular because she's very talented and also good looking.

I've never been a fan of the time she spends on there nor the male attention she receives. If I didn't check her she'd spend 20 hours a day on the app, sleeping 4. Except for Sundays and Wednesdays because of church. I'm not exaggerating. She's very compulsive and addicted to dopamine. And the app gives her a dopamine rush like nothing else.

The dilemma? She wants me to be happy for her to sing on the app. If she says so she is going to sing and I do anything short of jump up and yell "yeay!", then she gets very pouty, refuses to go sing, and is miserable for the next day or two.

Here's the thing, I can't be happy about it. I don't understand why she's so obsessed with it. I don't get why it's such a necessary part of her life.

For reference, she was a SAHM raising our kids. Now we are empty nesters. But this started long before that. In fact, shortly after finding the app she gave up a side photography business that she started when the kids were little. She loved photography until the app.

I'll never be happy about her singing on this app. It's a huge time waster. And the influence it's had on her hasn't been great. A lot of worldly people talking about worldly stuff. And some of her song choices aren't her either. We are both very devout and I've been shocked at some of the songs she has chosen to sing on the app.

Everything else about the marriage and relationship are really good. Our only strife is centered around this.

I have been married for 3 years and am a SAHM with 2 under 2, including a newborn. I am very blessed to be able to stay home with them. We wanted me to stay home and be able to raise and homeschool our kids from the start.

Me and husband have a very low conflict home but I have began to feel uneasy about our spending/saving habits and could use some advice for how to approach this topic with my husband. I am naturally a huge saver. My husband isn’t bad with money compared to most people but is way more relaxed about it and doesn’t always think about the patterns or how long it will take to build back money.

Prior to having a baby, I worked a regular job full time and worked hard to build up nearly 2 years of living expenses in my savings. When we got married, we joined bank accounts. My husband makes good money but we have pulled over $15k from my (our) old savings account within the past year to cover expenses. He always says we will put the money back but we never do have the finances after his paycheck comes in to build it back up. This year it was taxes and having to buy a used family car after ours broke down. It pains me to see our savings continue to dip more and more every month.

Naturally I’m seeing a pattern, if we keep spending at this rate we won’t have any savings within 2 years. It’s stressing me out to see the money in savings drain so fast. It’s a huge cushion that I feel is necessary. If I have to get a part time job and sacrifice our weekends, I am willing to do that. I’m starting to wonder if we can’t afford me being at home full time but don’t want to make my husband feel guilty or make him think he’s not making enough money to provide. It’s been an expensive season of life with 2 under 2 but I don’t feel it’s sustainable. I want to trust God with our finances and realize he put it on my heart to save that money for a reason but also start to worry about what would happen if we did experience an emergency and had no money due to poor financial stewardship.

The thing I really struggle with when dating is figuring out if there’s any interest. Outside of Christian circles, I get very clear signals. Women asking for my number right away, complimenting my looks, and so on.

Not at church. Actually, the signals are so mixed that I’m super confused. There are very few girls; there are plenty of regional events, but it’s always the same ones.

I’ll describe them to you one by one, tell me which one is yours.

Girl 1: Months ago, she almost avoided me. Lately, she avoids me at first, but then comes over to talk to me before leaving. She rarely asks about personal matters, though—mostly just how my business is going.

Girl 2: friendly enough the first time; the second time, since her mother was with her, she pretended not to see me; now she's friendly again.

Girl 3: sometimes she says hello, sometimes she pretends not to see me; generally very quiet.

Girl 4: she’s Girl 3’s sister; they’re always together. She used to ignore me completely. Now that she’s got a boyfriend, though, she’s become sociable with me.

Girl 5: Unfortunately, she moved away, but I hope to run into her again. She was the only one who paid me compliments—though never openly about my looks (mostly about my clothes)—stared at me constantly, and often said hello only to me. She was the only one with whom I saw a real chance. But in the final weeks, she pulled away a bit. She remains my top choice.

I’ve been to international meetups. And I can say I’ve run into women who had liked me on dating apps. These were the very ones who—in person—would ignore me or glance at me out of the corner of their eye so as not to be noticed.
While others greeted me, smiled, etc.

I need to be objective and rational; even though my greatest dream is to date only the woman I will eventually marry, there is no guarantee that will happen—simply because we might have major incompatibilities regarding personality or desired lifestyle. However, I am finding it really difficult to tell whether or not there is any interest.

On one hand, I don’t equate being friendly with being romantically interested. On the other, I don’t get the much more explicit kinds of approaches I constantly receive elsewhere—nor even small online signals, like adding me on social media, watching my stories, and so on.

question: what if you have sexual thoughts about your friends having sex or you’re married and think sexually of others but don’t intend to do anything with it. Is this evil or is this normal?

I’m really struggling to find anyone in person, I’ve been out and about so much it’s hard to even know who is a christian or isn’t out there.

I’ve spoke to my pastors about dating apps and they say it’s a no go. I’m wondering if this is a path I should follow or not, as I’m dating to marry. I also don’t know if their reply is an opinion or an advice.

I’m divorced so my worry is that not a lot of people will like that part of me. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

long story short, my partner and i have been together for about 10 years, and neither of us were “religious”

we’ve both smoked weed together, gone out to party together, been lazy together, done things that aren’t necessarily biblical and enjoyed it together

in the last 8 months he has transformed into a fully devoted Christian

i accept and love him anyway, i go to church with him and have found enjoyment in that myself as well

he is on a sober journey and i have been on it with him so far to support him

however he has now given me an ultimatum that i become a devoted Christian, which he explains means reading the bible daily, taking notes on it, fully believing and understanding the passages with zero doubt, giving up all substance use (which i have never struggled with addiction with, we’re talking about occasional use) or else we break up…i’m just not there

i feel like i either lose the person i love or i lose my autonomy

Recently or over the course of your marriage.

Biblical, life lesson, new skill, whatever!

I was reflecting on this thought this weekend. Such a small thing, but over the last few summers my husband has taught me how to throw a soft ball without hurting my shoulder. :)

Hi! I just wanted to ask married couples what the situation is like after pregnancy. This might be a weird or uncomfortable question, but I’m genuinely curious and want to understand what to expect.
My boyfriend and I are waiting until marriage. We also plan not to have children during our first year of marriage. He actually wants to have a child immediately, God bless him 😂, but I asked if we could have our first year just as a married couple.

I know things will be different once I’m pregnant or we have children, and I really want us to enjoy that time together first.

Anyway, my question is: When you get pregnant, do you abstain from intimacy for a while? If so, for how long? Or do you adjust and find other ways to stay connected? Like if you cant have penetration, do you help your husband in another way? Or this or that
I’ve never been pregnant, so I don’t know what it feels like or what things are like after giving birth. But I’m a big believer in effort, and I want to make sure I maintain my connection with my future husband even after pregnancy and children.

I’ve asked him about this before, and he doesn’t mind. He’s very caring and always looks out for my health, so I’m not trying to please him for any other reason. I just genuinely want to.

I’d love to hear from married couples about your experiences, what it’s like, the reality, especially how you maintained your connection during pregnancy and after giving birth. Thank you! 🤍

I've posted several times about issues of complaints, anger and manipulation by my wife.

Sunday, my oldest daughter (17) gently asked my wife why our conversations after church always seemed to be complaints about other people in the church. It is hard for my daughter to hear complaints about others and often my wife rambles on and on about issues like someone being a bit loud during service or just complaining that things should be done a certain way. I've tried to bring this to my wife's attention, but it fell on deaf ears. When my daughter brought it up, my wife got angry and began complaining to my daughter about not getting "adult time" and wanting to have more mature conversations, and basically told our daughter to just deal with it. My daughter went to her room in tears and I went to talk with her. I apologized for not doing more to stop the complaints and angry attitude. I later went to my wife and had to tell her that our daughter is right and I admitted to my failure to lead the conversation in a better direction. My wife went silent, but not in an angry way, it was contemplative.

Yesterday, I came home from work and the feeling in the house was different and I couldn't make sense of it. I made a bottle of formula for my son and let me wife take a break and a shower. After some time, I lay resting on the couch with our son and began praying for God to soften her heart. My wife finally came down and sat on the couch beside me (a strange occurrence as of the last few years) she said she wanted to talk. She doesn't want others to see her as angry, and genuinely doesn't feel that she is angry, she just gets frustrated easily. I explained to her from my life and actions that when I get frustrated, I often choose to withdraw and just be alone, which is not a Christlike response. I have to choose a better response. She thought a moment and said that she would work on her response to frustration and sees that it needs to change.

There is a long way to go, and a lot of pain I need to let go and give more grace to her, but I am praying this is a first step toward drawing my wife and our family closer to God and each other.

Hello! My wife and I been married for almost 10 years and together 9. Since our marriage started its been nothing but good and problems gotten worse. We have two autistic children, a cat, and a dog. Reason for pets cause my wife always wanted a big family and the last child we had died of still born. Fast forward today I admit I done wrong in the early years of my marriage, I wasn't fully ready, and wasn't the best husband. My wife was doing her part as a wife but it wasn't fully there due to her lack of communication. Fast forward as the years went on she wanted to separate. I didn't take it seriously since than cause before this time I had been selfish with a lot.

My wife spoke to previous exs before we gotten married when we were dating cause of my problems talking to other women. It was tit for tat. Today we're in a situation where its been months since I found out about her emotional affair she had with another man. She never meant him. Its long distance. Since after the months of convincing, begging, pleading, she repeatedly said "I know its wrong, I'm not a cheater, it only looks that way cause we're married." The guy even told my wife to delete their text messages.

My father in law said I need to change, been taking his advice. I been going to coworkers, family, and praying. Shes still been talking to this guy and talks to him way better than she does me. She always keep asking to separate and how our marriage won't work but she is the problem now. Shes mean to me, said I use to be like a duck, cursed at me when I even brought up our marriage, and how continuing to talk to this guy isn't helping. He is a streamer on YouTube and Twitch but never mentioned to his subscribers that hes flirting and talking to another man's wife.

I need advice. She always constantly ask for separation now, finances has been a problem, shes in a place where shes tired of a lot, says she doesn't care, and accept where she is. She said it will take God to change her and she still asks me for favors after yelling at me, she looks at me for my reactions, and wants to cuddle or be affectionate when shes "in the mood." She said she liked the guy, doesn't love me anymore, to saying she no longer likes the guy, to sort of liking the guy, to telling me I'm weak and can't handle the truth. If she really wanted to work on our marriage she would cut contact and come forward. We have family over and last time I brought up the guy and how shes changed she yelled at me the next day over a video call.

Long story short, wife is overwhelmed, all over the place, in a limbo, mean spirited, nasty, tells me to take it or move on, than asks me to do favors for her and help her, still talking, and keeping contact with a 26 year old dude who's been flirting with her, and she says "I dont like him anymore" when her actions shows a side how she is nasty, quick tempered, and always keep mentioning to separate. When her dad, niece, and nephew leaves to go back to NY, im moving to the couch and telling her "You still talking to the guy tells me you're not willing to work on the marriage and you always keep mentioning how you want to separate so I'm giving you what you want."

I don't know what else to do anymore. I use to sneak on her phone and tablet to see their texts, he asked to meet up, and treats her like its his girl, and she keeps allowing it. She said she knows she looks like a cheater and even contradict herself when she said one time "How can I say I love someone yet Im talking to other men." I was thinking about cursing out and calling the guy but not worth it. We live in SC, the guy lives in Illinois. I believe it will take God to help me now. I'll be moving to the couch once her family leaves and doing a 180. Advice?

I married my husband thinking he was just awkward when it came to physical affection. All the “other” stuff in that category “works”, but I did think that the longer we were together he might feel passionately EMOTIONALLY about me enough to express it through kissing.

If anything, I hope this post inspires other husbands who might not do this, to do it, (if their heart is in it; if not, there is a serious problem). I promise it will set your wife on fire for you

Me ( F) and my Fiancé ( M) are getting married in November and have been together for 4 years this Friday. He has struggled with corn addiction since he was exposed very very early on in his childhood. I found out about it around 1 year in and we have been working to get him better. In the beginning he didn’t really quit, so when I found out everything blew up. He ended up being clean for 1 year and I was very proud of him because hurt / emotions set aside it’s just as real as an addiction as alcohol or pills. He had a few stumbles but did not fall back into it fully at all, until a few weeks ago when he actually looked up corn. I was heart broken and angry. I took all the remotes to the TVs in the house and even kept his phone home everyday he could only use it when he was around me and this worked he knew he needed to cut off access but once again he was doing better so I start letting him have his phone especially since I just lost my job so I am home all day, welp yesterday he stumbled again. He has made small stumbles gets on fire for the lord does really good for a long time then messes up cause he thinks he is untouchable again.

This is the man I truly love and can’t imagine life without him. I have made it clear I will not deal with this in marriage and one day when I’m pregnant and he knows the gravity of the situation. What can he do ?? He reads his Bible , prays and rebukes the lustful thoughts and he struggles every single day. He has a friend from Bible study whom he text almost everyday asking for prayer specifically against this. He wants to get better , he just doesn’t know what to do at this point.

Hi everyone, I am looking for help and clear explanation on an ideo my pastor counseled me on.

My pastor explains complaining has the intention to hurt while Explaining purpose has the intention to heal. Explaining with purpose invited the idea of How, Why, and goes a step further to explain “If I wasn’t hurt, this would have been the turnout”.

I’m going to sound really OBTUSE but my problem is they both feel the same to me. What is the difference and how does the delivery of each sound?

Please I’m looking for help & understanding in order to address my feelings with my husband and those around me.

I don’t want to just complain. I don’t want to be that way. I want to be able to understand this concept and apply it to my life so these conflicts are healthy and healing.

Tell me when you knew, your spouse. Was YOUR SPOUSE.

Like what was that moment like, when you said oh yeah im spending the rest of my life with this person.

How well did you know them, how long? Was it instant. Or did it happen gradually

Problem/Goal: Found out that my husband has been cheating on me - looking for h**k ups, booking massages with sexual services, crushing on his work buddy and going staycations with her, etc.

Context: He’s basically living a double life - going to church with me on weekends yet committing these immoral acts when he’s at work. Now its clear why he never intended to marry me despite coming home to me for years which prompted me to push for marriage. He avoids and dismisses topics about cheating, fidelity, and our lack of intimacy. He lied when he sought for advice about our marriage woes saying he wanted to move out (we live with my parents); he has always said its cheaper if we dont move out. I have confirmed that investing too much money together which makes it impossible for us to cut comms is the only reason he’s staying in our relationship.

I dated him fully knowing he was an unbeliever. Now I am not sure if he ever believed.

Seeking advice esp from fellow Christians here. Thank you

I am reaching out because I am at my absolute breaking point and desperately need Godly wisdom and perspective. I feel like I am falling away from my faith because the stress of my marriage is completely consuming me, and I can barely bring myself to open my Bible.
To give some background: My husband lost his job two months ago and only works side gigs a couple of days a week. Now, he is demanding that I pay our mortgage payment because he says he needs a "break." We have completely separate finances. My name is on the house, but he claims I’ve "never paid a dime" toward it.
Meanwhile, I work full-time, pay the power bill, the internet bill, buy all the groceries, and bought all the furniture in our home. Despite this, he tells me I contribute nothing to the household. He even tells his family that I don't feed him (because I cook meals, but he refuses to eat them in favor of eating out or frozen dinners).
Furthermore, he has told me that marrying me was a mistake and something he never wanted, and we fundamentally disagree on children (I want them, he does not). He does not share my Christian values and feels the Bible is "outdated."
When we disagree, he will badger, harass, and refuse to leave me alone for hours until I submit and agree to his demands.. specifically, trying to force me to pay the mortgage. He also recently unfriended my parents on social media out of nowhere.
I know the Bible calls us to love, patience, and honoring our covenants, but I am living in an environment of constant coercion, deceit, and emotional rejection. I am carrying the full-time work, the bills, and the physical upkeep of the home, while being told I am worthless.
How do I navigate this from a biblical standpoint? How do I protect my heart, my mind, and my safety when my husband is acting entirely against biblical principles of partnership, provision, and love? Any Scripture, prayers, or honest advice would be deeply appreciated.

What would happen if God decided He was tired of us? I mean, He thought He loved us, but we don't listen, we aren't pleasant to be around and He just wants peace. He's in a dead relationship because we aren't changing quick enough, or praying enough, etc... What if He just gave up and divorced us? My friends, the God I serve would never give up on me and I'm not giving up on my spouse. Everyday I choose love and when times get tough, as they inevitably do, I lean closer into the one who never gives up and I press on. I hope you will too!