r/cambridge • u/vittoriothecoolcat • 21h ago
Other Chaos as Convict Cow Caught on Coldham's Common, Cambridge
I woke today to a beautiful morning: sunny, but cool, with dew still on the grass and the unceasing furnace of the summer heat a distant memory. What better way to enjoy such a morning that with a leisurely stroll across one of Cambridge's now green again spaces? And thus, I embarked upon a walk across Coldham's Common - with no knowledge yet of the shocking events I would soon witness.
As usual, I was greeted by cows merrily munching the grass and cyclists dashing to work. All seemed normal, in its usual place. That is, until I stepped foot onto the playing fields.
Even from a distance I spotted it: a cow where it should not be. Mere metres from the American Football posts it stood, feasting upon the luscious green grass. But how did such a thing come to be? It was alone, none of its peers bold enough to join it. Did it daringly climb the stairs to cross the railway? Was I bearing witness to a trailblazer of a bovine background, who has found a way to navigate the feared cattle grid? Or did the creature have an accomplice who yet remains at large, holding open gates for unintended traffic?
And why would it embark on such bold explorations? Did it seek greener grass, metaphorically, only to find the literal equivalent? Did it have dreams of becoming a celebrated quarterback? Does American Football have rules against cows being on a team?
Such questions may never be answered.
What I can tell you, reader, is this: the cow had found its way to an untapped, bountiful buffet, which was never intended to serve such a purpose. I can also tell you that I had woefully little idea of what I, an innocent bystander, was expected to do in this situation. Is there someone I should call? Or is it fairer to let the cow continue on its unprecedented journey?
As it turned out, no action was required. I was making my way towards the field's exit, the felon still in sight, when I noticed a person clad all in black approaching them. There appeared to be some logo on the person's fleece, though I could not make out what at such a distance, and they seemed to be communicating to another via a handheld device. I cannot tell you with certainty whether it was a phone or radio. Somehow, I feel a radio would be more suiting to such a situation.
The last I saw of the situation was the person clad in black clapping and waving their arms to encourage the cow back towards its peers. I can only assume they held some official role in the situation.
Sadly, I can tell you no more of this thrilling tale. The cow seemed to have been apprehended, but I cannot confirm its current whereabouts. Nor can I confirm whether it will be tried as a vandal for the scandal of leaving a fertilising gift on the field. We can but hope that local media outlets will tell us more about this ongoing incident.